Put yourself in the shoes of your avatar, and what would you do/say if you were sitting/standing/simply in the same room as the avatar of the previous poster?

Ram a elctrolance into your guts and collect your head.

Crush you beneath a mobile suit's foot (why so violent a start )

Because I want to, that is why

Lol...paints a mustache.

*Pulls out a bonesaw. Yells in a german Accent* I'm going to saw through your bones! *Proceds with said medical Treatment*

Minions. Attack!!!

Head bite!

Looks like meats back on the menu Boys!

My long lost lover! Lets cuddle

Conscript the Bounty Hunters into the red army.

"That is a very nice moustache."

"It would be a shame if someone..

Shot it."

"Whats your favorite scary movie?"

What's with the mask?

I turn you all into plants.

"If some ponies go missing, blame me"

I will haunt your dreams forever, and make you look over your shoulder at every little noise in the dark.

Hey look, a pumpkin.

keelah se'lai

Hello there.

Can't we all get along?

THUNDERBOLT CUT!

Cut the purse and ruuuuun!

Hi, I'm Ravage! I'm the one that's waving!

Visually examine the robotic panther with caution

Scan for possible Shadow tech, then send system wide notice.

Express his admiration of locomotives.

It's quite approving.

Looks at sexy blap, turns on love hurts.

Closes door and dims ligth

"Okay who brought in the bounty hunters guild again!?"

Do you mind taking the mask off while talking. Sheesh, talk about rude.

You acted da mickey... i never wanna see you on my earth again

Don't you know it's impolite to talk like that to a lady?

goku doesnt hold the same cultural values.... man? woman? alien life form?... hell lazer punch your face anyways for te giggles

*Pulls out laser screwdriver*
Now, how shall I take over the world?

Hey doctor, if you EVER ask me to play doctor again I will cry

I still don't understand why you keep hiding behind that cardboard placard.

 Admiral Valerian wrote:
Hey look, a pumpkin.

Your last mistake.

Oh really?

(aims and fires panzerfaust)

I don't think so.

Hard to fire a panzer from your pulpit isn't it?

Not really. And it's not a panzer, its a panzerfaust!

Communism is great, you should really try it out sometime

I have no time to attend political awareness class, so I think I'll pass.

Yeah, who needs communism when I can be in charge of the world and own everything anyway?

I agree, but if you don't get that neuralyzer away from me, you'll be getting a free panzerfaust in the face.

Pulls out a knife, and spills your heretical guts on the floor after stunning you with a Ion blast

Laser screwdrivers you so that you're now 200 years old.

(preps a panzerfaust)

So this is the way it is, huh?

Lunch, anyone?

A talking sandwich? Alright funny guy, come out of hiding and I promise I won't kill you.

I am the sandwich. I even have a little garnish.

*eats the sandwich*
Not enough garnish. Oh well.

You're brain is my sandwich!

*Headbite*

No! Wrong! We have to evenly share among all of our citizens

But I'm an illegal Alien! I'm not a citizen.

Makes everyone go mad...from cuteness.

Scanners show me illegal aliens...

and as a member of the cult mechanicus, bio lifeforms are
NOT cute. Just squishy.
So
*Target solution processed. *

*Solution failed, acidic substance has caused severe damage to weaponry*

Aliens 1 Metal 0

Steps on alien
*splat*

All hail the might of the AdeptusTitanicus!

Acidic blood melts through metal, the Titan falls over.

I know a good dermatology clinic downtown.

I BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOUR TINY HEAD WITH MY POWER BAT AND MAKE IT INTO A BLOODY HEAD SANDWICH. YEM.

Shoot. Shoot. Shoot. Shoot. Reload. Shoot.

I burst out of the floor and drag you down.

I see you still haven't visited a dermatologist...what a disappointment.

 wolfmerc wrote:
I BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOUR TINY HEAD WITH MY POWER BAT AND MAKE IT INTO A BLOODY HEAD SANDWICH. YEM.

My power bat is bigger. HOMERUN!

So...'power baseball' is rather popular where you're from, I take it?

Yes, we use the heads of our enemies as the ball. For the glory of Chaos, of course.

Sounds like fun. Though I prefer bear hunting myself...without guns and just a close-combat weapon. And did I mention the sub-zero temperatures and the mountainous terrain?

Kid please, I'm a primarch. I do that for light excercise before breakfast.

Until I burst out your chest!

What do you want?

I just want to eat humanities brains, is that such a crime?

Get your head out of the door its not nice to eavesdrop

No! I'll never cease to stand in this pose! NEVER!

If you'd just like to climb inside this ship we can assist you in your goal..............

I'd rather sneak aboard.

Ooooo look a Xeno!

Oooooo look a....a Mandalorian Symbol?

Purge the xenos!

I'll have what hes having

Only after you get rid of that mask.

I'll just burst out the floor again.

Then you'll get the repair bill the next time.

Do any of you admire locomotives?

I like machines. So much better than magic or any of that mystic crap. Does that count?

Not really, the warp is soo much more powerful than machines...

More than acid blood, second mouths and barb tails?

Machines are more reliable than all of that. Or even the Warp for that matter.

Praise the Omnissiah our repairs are complete.

We welcome the apprecation of the machine called "locomotive" .

Wanna get an upgrade? I have some nice Tzeentchian Daemons that can possess your machine to make it....
...better....

Watch all of this happen and not give a damn.

Edit: I might even try giving a damn, but in the end it would likely fail. :(

 blood reaper wrote:
Oooooo look a....a Mandalorian Symbol?

+1 cake for you, and a place in Valhalla

Acid blood melts throw metal, with claws and tails that pierce through it too!

*smiles gleefully*

I like trains.

No.... It cannot be....

METHUL BAWKSES!!

Look at who's talking...you're in a metal box yourself my friend.

Damn...

 Selym wrote:
Damn...

What is this SORCERY!?!? (Do I care...????)

 Lord Magnus wrote:

 Selym wrote:
Damn...

What is this SORCERY!?!? (Do I care...????)

One day I'll get into the black library, find your true name, and force you to give a damn with the power of the warp! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!

Not if I have anything to say about it! Xenomorph sorcery!

 blood reaper wrote:
Not if I have anything to say about it! Xenomorph sorcery!

Would you like some biomancy with that?

 Selym wrote:

 blood reaper wrote:
Not if I have anything to say about it! Xenomorph sorcery!

Would you like some biomancy with that?

Iron arm Xenomorphs?

Sounds fun.

*...One psychic scream later...*

Fearless, don't you remember?

Iron arm does not give fearless, nor does feareless affect psychic shriek...
Must've rolled under your LD....
Brave sod..

I'll try again next turn.

*Evil Laugh*

Must you laugh so hard?

I think I peed a little...
Maybe I should stop.

Where the hell is the mop?

I have a spawn for that.
*Go get it boy!*

"GYTVFIEUYBFUIWYRFWFEWW!!"

Its leaving a trail of slime behind!

Through the light and the tempest, Emperor deliver us!

You do follow the Emperor, right? You don't? Well actually, you do, that god of yours, he's actually the Emperor.

...

Look, I have enough to deal with between piss and slime so can this wait...where is that damned mop?

The last four movies I was in were a flop.

*Starts summoning some lesser daemons*

*Starts summoning more Alien Warriors*

Looks like we got xenos, monsters and heretics again...yep, exterminatus sounds fine...*presses big red button*

*Teleports directly onto your ship*
Hello... Please welcome my friend, Mr Force Weapon!

 Selym wrote:
*Teleports directly onto your ship*
Hello... Please welcome my friend, Mr Force Weapon!

When were you under the impression... you had a force weapon?

 Sasori wrote:

 Selym wrote:
*Teleports directly onto your ship*
Hello... Please welcome my friend, Mr Force Weapon!

When were you under the impression... you had a force weapon?

Since my shiny new codex...

(7th edition later)

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Smite the heretic!
I shall purge you in the Emperor's name!

Oh Whoop-de-doo, the crazed fanatics are here!
Burn them all! >:-)

Fear my solar power foolish chaos wimp!

We were hiding in the vents of your ship! Also, acid melts Power armour, and since bolters cause targets to explode....

Oh well, this will be fun.

(sigh)

Looks like its time for a good ol' fashioned slug fest I guess.

(aims and fires a panzerfaust)

*Ducks*
Eat magic lazors of warp power that I call doombolts!!

*shields still at 100%*


*moderati: fire at will*

(draws saber and blocks all the Doombolts)

If you blow up the house, you'll be paying for the damages, Princeps!

*Opens up a warp portal, through which enters a horde of daemons*

Suck on this, Imperials!

(runs and comes back with an Armoured Regiment)

FIRE AT WILL!

*Wide Eyes*
Ermm...

...feth.

RUN!!! :-O

I'll make sure the house still stands, somehow...
You look like you could live with a few additonal "windows" and "doors"..

*Moderati: half ahead*

*Pulls out an umbrella*
Looks like I'm going to have to wait out this particular storm...

*Xenomorphs crawl up the Titans legs, entering through vents and cooling ducts as they begin to slaughter the crew*

All your titans belong to us.

Well that was unexpected..

Umm, Ribbit?

By the Gods! This cannot be!

A PLAGUE OF FROGS!

No. I'm not having it. DOOOMBOLTS!!!

Internal defense system electrocutes the xenomorphs...
*Servitors activated for cleansing process*

How angered do you think is the machine spirit of a Titan without its crew? Major mistake. You took the restraint off...

Well, if we're all going caps off, Ima just go call in Abaddon, the Armless Failure

*The acid from the exploded Xenomorph's begins to melt through the Titans vital systems, causing severe damage to the Titan*

Don't people learn?

*The Offspring - greatest hits CD starts playing in background*

I'm a Gigantic Flaming Skull!!!

Learn?
*does not compute*
....
.....
.......

*analyzing term: learn*
*database return: heretical, caution highy infective*

*auto self destruct mode: ON*
*reactor overload in:*
5
4
3
2
..
*process interrupt. Confirm authority?

*
...
* Confirmed*

Hi, its me again. Didn't I promise to refrain from making our host homeless?

Sindri!

Turn that down!

No army is big enough to conquer the galaxy. But faith alone can overturn the universe... And I have faith in spades *prepares holy flamer*

(drives by in a Hellhound)

Bitch please; this is a Flamer.

 Leigen_Zero wrote:
*The Offspring - greatest hits CD starts playing in background*

I'm a Gigantic Flaming Skull!!!

"Quick, kill Sindri before he summons DOOMRIDER!!!"

(gets a pen and notebook)

Fat chance; I want an autograph first.

BURN HERETIC BURN
I shall bring the Emperor's light to thee

The power of rock is not heresy. Did you forget? Even Lord Dante has it.

Then he is a Noise Marine of Slaanesh!
Now, where are my ear plugs...?

Why the need for earplugs?

I can't believe there are those who have no faith in the power of rock.

(runs to get a CD of Queen)

*starts thrusters to move out*

Until this "rock" is a prayer to the machine god, we prefer real repairs.
May the omnissiah bless you, we'll return to base.
*whoosh*

I have faith in the Emperor, what more is needed?
Nothing, there is only the Emperor.

How the Emperor must be disappoint at your ignorant and unthinking faith.

The Emperor/Revelation wrote:

Blasphemy is a victimless crime.

Faith won't save you from Xenomorph's!

*The horde of Xenomorph's begin to move*

Ever heard of a rosarius? Sheilds me from physical and spiritual harm.
And even then faith is my sheilf

What sheild do you have xenos scum against my flamer?

Bane Wolves! Provide mobile cover fire! Infantry are to fall back to the secondary line! Earthshakers on standby!

*Power shuts down on the Bane Wolves and Earthshakers*

"What do you mean they cut the power man? Their animals!"

All personnel, standby for CQC. Melta release authorized.

All Xenomorph's, standby for armed lunch coming your way.

Pitiful fools, if you had devoted your soul to chaos, as I have done, you would realise that this petty squabble is meaningless in the greater plan!

And by greater plan, I mean more KAYOSS DOOMBOLTS!!!!

You failed your psychic test and suffer perils of the warp as a result

Lucky I put on my Sigil of Corruption then!
*Proceeds to roll a six*

But you can't take saves against Perils of the Warp, even we know that.

*arrives*

...

*leaves*

 blood reaper wrote:
But you can't take saves against Perils of the Warp, even we know that.

Huh. Must've been thinking of something else (probably gets hot rolls. Unless those can't be saved either... I barely get five games per year, I hardly ever read the rules...).

Well, good thing I'm a multi-wound character then.

I think I will go sit and make something.

I may have to join you.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm *checks the artist*

Come, pancake face, join me on a murderous rampage!

Want some coffee?

Yes, yes I would. Do you also have any syrup by any chance?

I hear it's good for slathering on the face.
Unfortunately, I already used it. Care for some doombolts to the face?

Care for some hugging of the face?

Yesss....
And while you're there, could you get that piece of corn out from between my teeth?

I'll get it out if you want, I'll carve it out with my Eviscerator
* revs fething massive anti-tank chainsword*

*Quickly dons a Mark of Tzeentch, boosting the Sigil of Corruption*

Come at me bro! I have an initiative 4 Ap 3 Force Weapon, and a 3++, I do not fear you!

(turns on the music as nine Vendettas with Heavy Bolter sponsons arrive)

You were saying?

Time to bring out the big guns!

*Summons six full platoons of traitor guard and nine hydras from the warp*

Wait, do you hear that?

...

Who called in Titans...CREEED!!!

Xenomorph's hiding inside the Titans! And their crew!

Just As Planned....

*Nukes the planet from orbit, destroying a total of 3 Warlord titans, 5 Reaver Titans and two dozen Warhound titans. And some other Imperial forces. And some traitor guard forces. For Kayoss.*

Cultist-chan? Get back Commander Kasuga...(picks up a Flamer)...this one's mine. There's gonna be FIRE tonight.

*boom*
So, I guess we're all going to have to be in spess now...

(angelic choir sings Handel's Hallelujah as a really, REALLY big hand lowers a new housing complex into place)

Well, that was certainly handy

*Sighs*
Well, looks like I'll have to take this one in person.

With...

...

...

...wait for it...

...

DOOOOMMBOLTS!!!!!!!!!!

Like hell...CERO!

I'll have to avoid any airlocks.

You'll be fine! Come aboard my battlecruiser, it's got lots of fleshy inhabitants*!


*with big, heavy guns, and power armour

I'm actually behind you.
Hi!

AAARRGH! You frightened the bajeezus out of me!
Have some DOOMBOLTS! in repayment!

Devout citizens of the Imperium who totally aren't an unauthorised ecclesiastical military ) Attack the heretical scum!
*Revs fething massive chainsword the eats tank* *ignites cleansing flamer*

*the horde runs at you with burning brands*


You're fethed

WAIT EVERYONE! DON'T FIGHT! I BOUGHT MORE SYRUP! *Trips and everyone gets covered in the sticky stuff* Oops...

That aint no Krabby Patty!

You better be sure the IRS don't come a knocking.

I always see you with that cup...coffee I presume? You must have to go to the bathroom allot.

I could say the same for you with that pie mask.

I think I might make some coffee want some?

Yes, please! Preferably with some DOOMBOLTS! mixed in

(sigh)

Sure, why not?

I'll bring the COOKIES!

I'll bring some more syrup!

May the dark gods bless you!
*Takes the coffee*

*Drinks some coffee*

*Goes on a caffeine-fueled rampage*

*With DOOMBOLTS*

Heresy! (Blam!)
...wait that makes sense...

Still no idea what you two are.

My name's Bob, and I wear this pancake so the commissars don't find me.

*Prepares a scalpel*
I shall help the commissars, then.

*Starts trying to remove the pancake*

You might need some anti-septic. Here, I bought this from a pointy-eared merchant for a really good price. Funny though, he seemed really excited about me using that. I wonder why...

*Applies it to the pancake*
*It starts burning*

It may be acid...

I knew the guy looked suspicious, with that black chain mail and spiky boots and gauntlets.

He must be a heretic!

Time to break out the flamers and burning brands!

Crusade of Faith, begin!

You again!

Feel the wrath of my DOOMBOLTS!

Let me help out; La Gota!

By Crom! Your stygian master will not save you woman!

What can a broken knight do?

Alright...waffles or pancakes? It's okay, just give me your real opinion, I won't be offended.

CEREAL!

Good man! It saves me the bolt shell

Now I'll use it (Blam)

Get some color first, then we'll talk.

General! May I see your trophy collection?

After tea.

There will be no tea in this thread. (Blam) (Blam)

(shots explode harmlessly against Refractor Field)

After you.

(signals bodyguards who open up with Hellguns)

Comissariant trumps generals (army of Comissars appears over the horizon)
HERESY!!! (mega Blam)

You!

DOOMBOLT!! to you all!

Bitch please; ORBITAL STRIKE. We're going to need a new house it seems.

*Takes us all to the warp*

How about this? Corruption, anyone?

So long as we don't sprout things that shouldn't sprout, its fine.

Don't worry, mutations take a long time to set in, and if you don't follow the gods, they are few and far between.
Insanity, however, is another matter...

Haven't you heard? Only the insane can truly judge what is sane. Now, who wants brandy?

Me, please! And thankyou for the stone, btw

No problem.

(pours out a generous glass of brandy)

To more DOOMBOLTS and ORBITAL STRIKES.

Those could be excellent cocktails

Watchy'all doin' on mah planet?

I have no idea... I can't tell which conversation is which anymore, now that this has started seeping into a second thread...

Either that, or its the Warp dust

Talking about Warp dust is probably bad practice.

Quite possibly

Not for you mind. I'd imagine that's just another day on the job for you. (Aside) Did my shipment come in yet?

The shipment of 100 Baneblades, you mean?
Sorry, some incompetent IG commander from DoW lost it

But they were filled with my warp dust...

*Teleports you to them*

Don't worry, Abaddon found them, and is preparing to assault Cadia with them

But I am Abaddon.

But with the arms.

Sorry, I didn't recognise you with arms!
But.. wait.. What does that mean for the Baneblades?

Connections activated: there is now a titan standing right behind you.

CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scree! You've got bat-rats in the belfry! Scree!

That titan isn't real! Scree!

Wrong titan, it's a little more to the left.

Oh feth, it's a commissar! *Runs away*

Coward!(Blam)

Come at me bro.

..God save the Queen...
Oh, sorry, I didn't realise this was the US area...

I didn't realize the UK was this heretical.

Well, we are the official founders of grimdark. And the best producers of it.

That and Warp dust. Which brings me back to my other comment...

(Blam)

SCREE! (Supersonic Summary Execution)

TO THE KING!!!

SCREE! For the Under Empire! For Skavenblight! SCREE!

FOR THE GOD-EMPEROR! (Holy Blam)

Scree! 3+ cover save, Scree!
*Passed*
Scree!

**Heldrake goes on a fire run**

All your saves are belong to us!!

Oh yeah? (Army of Comissars) (Blaming Spree)

*Hides in a Land Raider*

*heldrake cheese spam*
*doombolts*

*Prepares those things*

*Unleashes them*

Thanks for reminding me, it was getting a little las-filled out there!

Scree! All your warp(stone) are belong to us!

The power of Brock compels you!

Scree! Raticate attack!

Enough! (Ma-MaMa-MONSTER BLAM)

Both guardsman and Commisar *I'm assuming that's what those are. Photos rather blurry. :S* would be driven mad. sacrificing a goat over the body of a virgin. While the goat lord's red eyes stared with souless pleasure of what was brought before him.

...heresy? (Blam?)

Hey...isn't that the commissar that shot me? *Watches him execute the last soldier in his squad* Well...since it's just the two of us... *BLAM*

Guarsmen Bob uses Lasgun.
*Blam*
It's not very effective.
Commissar uses Summary Execution.
(Blam)
Critical Hit
It's Super Effective
Guardsmen Bob faints.
Commissar is victorious.
Commissar gains 42 Exp.
Commissar is trying to learn new move (Compassion) but doesn't have any room for it.

 jaggedjaw wrote:
Guarsmen Bob uses Lasgun.
*Blam*
It's not very effective.
Commissar uses Summary Execution.
(Blam)
Critical Hit
It's Super Effective
Guardsmen Bob faints.
Commissar is victorious.
Commissar gains 42 Exp.
Commissar is trying to learn new move (Compassion) but doesn't have any room for it.

Chaos Sorceror used DOOMBOLT!
It missed.
Commissar used special ability: Give a feth
It failed.
The Sorceror and Commissar call it a day and get some coffee together.
It's super effective!

Brock Obama used Rule the Universe
It's Super effective!
Everyone blacked out!

BatRat used Supersonic!
It's super effective!

Brock was forced to use his eyes!

(is this evolving ((lol)) into a pokebattle the poster above you thread?)

Bat! Big fething bat! *ducks*

Pancake, big fething pncake (mouth waters) Scree!
(also, I'm not a rat or a bat, I'm a rat-bat... though you could call me batrat, some crazy skaven batman thing...)

Get out of my domain.

Your domain? This is the Emperor's Domain! (Blam)

*Returns fire*
DOOMBOLT!!!

ExBlamiomuos!(Blam)

*Shot bounces off the power armour*

Did you not hear me? Shall I blast you again?

DOOOOOOMBOLT!!!!

(Look out! ARRGH!)
Ah a wizard's duel eh?
AvadakaBlama!(Blam)

*Recovers for fainting* "Dammit...I forgot bolt pistols had a higher penetration then flak armor. Luckily, I used my Tactical Faint at the right moment, and now he thinks I'm blammed! *Sneaks away while the commissar is dueling the chaos sorcerer*

http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-32.html

THAT SPY IS UN DOUBLE AGENT!

So, uh, what's with the bread?

*The goat twists its head in a unatural 180 degrees as blood weaps from his eye sockets*

"GYM BADGES FOR THE DARK LORD!"

Evil...

JUST AS PLANNED!

Hi I'm Canada.

.nomead a m'I !iH

And I'm Canada.

Maple syrup?

No Canada.

Do you have a moose with you?