IvanTih wrote:Touch the technology.

fixed

I would say that trying to do anything except hide is a bad move. Just don't come into conatact with anything except MAYBE Tau, but only if you really need food/water/medical supplies/to die.

Let a 'fex hitch a ride in your Stormlord.

person person wrote:Let a 'fex hitch a ride in your Stormlord.

It'd probably have to ride on the roof... car surfing in the 41st millennium?

Morgrim wrote:

person person wrote:Let a 'fex hitch a ride in your Stormlord.

It'd probably have to ride on the roof... car surfing in the 41st millennium?

pictures or it didn't happen ;p

Survive your stint in the IG, claim a world, settle down and expect to live more than a few years before the planet is destroyed in some random attack.

Lord of battles wrote:

Captain Roderick wrote:

17. Thou shalt not discover and then point out that the Rhino chassis was designed as a tractor.

That made my day Captain Roderick!

Yeah, it goes back a way - for all you young'ns, STC is just whatever was left after the Dark Age, and the Space Marines use the most reliable and commonly-found chassis in the Imperium. A tractor. Apparently such a good chassis, you can make it from any local materials (including wood), and it'll run on anything combustible.

@ person person - not to mention physically impossible for the poor nutjob. Only likely to infuriate him even more.

On-topic, Thou shalt not carry weaponry of a reasonable scale to your height and build...

Captain Roderick wrote:

Lord of battles wrote:

Captain Roderick wrote:

17. Thou shalt not discover and then point out that the Rhino chassis was designed as a tractor.

That made my day Captain Roderick!

Yeah, it goes back a way - for all you young'ns, STC is just whatever was left after the Dark Age, and the Space Marines use the most reliable and commonly-found chassis in the Imperium. A tractor. Apparently such a good chassis, you can make it from any local materials (including wood), and it'll run on anything combustible.

Ok so, what the Land Raider chassis a bulldozer?

Thou shalt not give a drunken DE a razor when they ask for one, they will use it on you.

@ kervin - no idea, I was just passing on 'the wisdom of the ancients' - e.g. some of the crazy things I learned from the veteran gamers at the gaming store I frequented at age 12. Rogue Trader knowledge, yeah baby...

Also I wouldn't give a razor to anyone drunk, xeno or no. Just common sense!

nintendoeats wrote:I would say that trying to do anything except hide is a bad move. Just don't come into conatact with anything except MAYBE Tau, but only if you really need food/water/medical supplies/to die.

go tau

A drunk DE with a razor would be far safer than a sober one with a razor.

I just wouldn't shave full stop.

Put your underpants on your head, stick pencils up both nostrils and say whibble

Invite a de back to your place.
hit on an eldar man(they look just like the women.)

garret wrote:Invite a de back to your place.
hit on an eldar man(they look just like the women.)

Superscope wrote:

Morgrim wrote:

person person wrote:Let a 'fex hitch a ride in your Stormlord.

It'd probably have to ride on the roof... car surfing in the 41st millennium?

pictures or it didn't happen ;p

No pics, but there's a book by MULT1LAZORS Gotto.

Mozzyfuzzy wrote:Put your underpants on your head, stick pencils up both nostrils and say whibble

its spelt whobble

CountCross wrote:

Superscope wrote:

Morgrim wrote:

person person wrote:Let a 'fex hitch a ride in your Stormlord.

It'd probably have to ride on the roof... car surfing in the 41st millennium?

pictures or it didn't happen ;p

No pics, but there's a book by MULT1LAZORS Gotto.

words are optional. Pictures are manatory ;p

Mozzyfuzzy wrote:Put your underpants on your head, stick pencils up both nostrils and say whibble

god bless blackadder

@shas'o vera: I do apologise i haven't watched that episode in ages

on topic tell the eldar slaanesh is a really cool he/she/it

Munch Munch! wrote:Touch anything in Creed/a DE/a slanneshi/ Nurgle's house. Bad things will happen.

You forgot sly Marbo.

fix'd

Take a pee behind a tree.
with nids in the area

do anything other than fire your weapon. Tell the tech-priest that technology doesn't scare you.

Munch Munch! wrote:do anything other than fire your weapon. Tell the tech-priest that technology doesn't scare you.

Try to run your titan on vista.

tell the emperor to stand up and say that to your face

Play Elton John's 'I'm still standing' in the Emperor's Throne Room

play elton john's "im still standing" anywhere

cadian512 wrote:play elton john's "im still standing" anywhere

yeah fair point

Start randomly pushing buttons in a Ork looted wagons.

but that's how an ork operates a looted wagon.

IvanTih wrote:Put explosives on the guardsmen and use them in a orbital bombardment.

Why not?

Show the tyranids the ethereal's, "we control the tau" gene

Bring the Commisar a sick note

Change the batteries without a tech priest

Ask a sister repentia if she wants a few more things to atone for.

Yes, but when an Ork does it, the power of the Waagh! ensures that the wagon does what they want. Mostly. Well, often. Ok, some of the time. . .

*ahem*

Inform an Ork that green is not, in fact, best. They will prove different immediately.

Give an ork a broken weapon.

Even if you tell him its broken, he will still beat you to death with it.

nintendoeats wrote:Give an ork anything
he wil beat you to death with it.

fix'd

Captain Roderick wrote:@ person person - not to mention physically impossible for the poor nutjob. Only likely to infuriate him even more.

The Apoc. rules for super heavy transport capacity argue otherwise...

OT:Accuse Creed of being a heretic, he will not like it.

Ask too many questions to an Inquisitor.

Sneak into the Imperial palace and draw a giant mustache on the emperor with a permanent marker.

person person wrote:

Captain Roderick wrote:@ person person - not to mention physically impossible for the poor nutjob. Only likely to infuriate him even more.

The Apoc. rules for super heavy transport capacity argue otherwise...

Sorry, the Apocalypse rules say an Obliterator can get naked? Can I get a page reference for that?

person person wrote:Be inquisitive around an Inquisitor.

Fixed!

doubled wrote:Ask a sister repentia if she wants a few more things to atone for.

That's the first SoB reference in this thread I've actually found amusing

Agreed, a diamond in a sea of crude humor.

Munch Munch! wrote:but that's how an ork operates a looted wagon.

And look at what happens to them.

Kervin wrote:

Munch Munch! wrote:but that's how an ork operates a looted wagon.

And look at what happens to them.

They comically explode.... which is good for us IG folks.

join the imperial guard

or really try to kill anything with their flashlight... i mean lasgun

nintendoeats wrote:Give an ork a broken weapon.

Even if you tell him its broken, he will still beat you to death with it.

Give an Ork a broken weapon, and when he pulls the trigger it will work.

Cambak wrote:

nintendoeats wrote:Give an ork a broken weapon.

Even if you tell him its broken, he will still beat you to death with it.

Give an Ork a broken weapon, and when he pulls the trigger it will work.

(That was the subtle point I was making, so that we could all laught at our own cleverness)

nintendoeats wrote:

(That was the subtle point I was making, so that we could all laught at our own cleverness)

I did

Cambak wrote:

nintendoeats wrote:Give an ork a broken weapon.

Even if you tell him its broken, he will still beat you to death with it.

Give an Ork a broken weapon, and when he pulls the trigger it will work.

Hopefuly the broken weapon you have given him wasn't a railgun? ;p

Hopefully you didn't give him a weapon.

Munch Munch! wrote:Hopefully you didn't give him a weapon.

Then he'd get pissed and beat you to death anyway.

So to boil it all down: Don't go near Orks.

nintendoeats wrote:So to boil it all down: Don't go near Orks.

Do we have a set range on how far away we should be from these said orks? ;p

50,000,000,000,000,000,002 km. Sound fair?

Munch Munch! wrote:50,000,000,000,000,000,002 km. Sound fair?

That's not exactly far when we start going by light years and such... that distance is about... 1-3 solar systems ;p

750,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,003 light years away?

Sounds good to me!

I try (and suceed) to stay at least 20,000 years away from any ork at all times.

garret wrote:

nintendoeats wrote: an ork wil beat you to death.

fix'd

fix'd more

i love this thread

Munch Munch! wrote:750,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,003 light years away?

Sadly while we would dodge pretty much any ork (as you are effectively outside of the galaxy) you would have to contend with the next best thing... nids ;p

Superscope wrote:

Munch Munch! wrote:750,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,003 light years away?

Sadly while we would dodge pretty much any ork (as you are effectively outside of the galaxy) you would have to contend with the next best thing... nids ;p

LOL

OK how about this: Stay away from Nids, Orks, Necrons, DE, and the Imperial people (you look at them wrong and you are dead). So go back in time and make sure the first xenos humans meet are the Tau.

Kervin wrote:OK how about this: Stay away from Nids, Orks, Necrons, DE, and the Imperial people (you look at them wrong and you are dead). So go back in time and make sure the first xenos humans meet are the Tau.

That is kind of impossible.

1) Humanity was created by the Old Ones on some backwater planet orbiting an isolated star in the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy. T'au have were created by... someone (not too sure, it might have been the Old Ones or the Eldar or some form of Eldar offshoot) far in the eastern edge of the Galaxy in the middle of a tightly packed star cluster.
2) Humanity has NEVER gotten along with Xenos. Never. Even in the time of the Great Crusade, they may not have been the Xenocidal maniacs they are now, but back then they were attempting to re-contact lost human worlds with relativity little resources, so it was a "Lesser of two evils" problem, the lesser evil being let the Xenos go about their merry way and the greater being getting dragged into multiple wars that they could not possibly afford.
3) And finally, the coup de grâce, Humanity discovered the Warp some time in late M3, and had colonised Mars by 200.M3, by M15 had begun to colonise other worlds using crude spacecraft, by M18 had isolated the Navigator Gene and by M21 begun it's wars with the Eldar and Ork races. T'au spontaneously and rapidly evolved and became a Space faring race in about 5,000 - 6,000 years after the first Contact in M35 (when they were little more than primitive Xenos Lifeforms)

So even if you did go back in time, it would be utterly Impossible for the first Xenos that Humaniy meets to be the T'au.

I also am weird and know too much of this stuff!

...nerd?

Don't eat yellow biomass.

Wear Dark Angel colours in a Space Wolf neighborhood.

Gwar! wrote:

Kervin wrote:OK how about this: Stay away from Nids, Orks, Necrons, DE, and the Imperial people (you look at them wrong and you are dead). So go back in time and make sure the first xenos humans meet are the Tau.

That is kind of impossible....

...I also am weird and know too much of this stuff!

Or, in simple terms, The Emperor wouldn't let you. He'd bitchslap your genes out of the human race back before space travel if you were going to try something stupid like that...

Gwar!, behold my knowledge

?: creation of the galaxy. emergence of the c'tan and the old slann. the warp is a placid
domain, devoid of intelligence. the c'tan and the old slann seed many worlds for life, in
the hopes that their creations will aid them in their struggle against the other. both the
orks and the eldar may be old slann creations, whilst the necrontyr are clearly the spawn
of the c'tan.
?: the war in heaven. the c'tan, allied with the necrontyr, launch a vast assault against the
old slann, unleashing weapons too terrifying to imagine, churning the warp into a
frenzied sea of chaos, deadly to the old slann. the old slann prevails against the c'tan and
their minions via the construction of the webway, a galactic corridor linking one location
with another for instantaneous transport. the same arcane technology was used to seal the
c'tan behind the gate of vaul. the old slann contain the essence of the barrier within the
seven talismans of vaul, but the c'tan contingency plan exacted a terrible toll on the
young galaxy.
60,000,000,000 bc (approx): galaxy wide catastrophe. faced with extinction, the
necrontyr constructed metal bodies as repositories for their hyper-advanced minds. to
weather the impending galatic bio-meltdown the necrontyr constructed huge stasis
chambers to shelter inside. note: the c'tan are believed to have caused the near-extinction
of life in the galaxy at this time.
9000 bc: birth of the emperor, an immortal superhuman created from the psychic spoor of
the old shamans, who predicted a time when mankind would need a saviour from evil (in
the age of strife).
8000 bc - 1400 ad: birth of khorne, tzeentch, nurgle (chaos gods). their foul presence in
the warp mirrors the atrocities commited by the living races of the galaxy (khorne takes
form from war, tzeentch from betrayal and sorcery, and nurgle from plague and filth).
2,100 ad: mars terraformed.
2,200 ad: mars settled.
3,000 ad: warp discovered.
14,000 ad?: eldar learn secrets of webway technology from the slann. old slann culture
dies out. slann warn eldar of their own fall.
15,000 ad: sublight spacecraft begin slowly colonizing nearby stars. at first progress is
slow, and the new colonies must survive as independent units isolated from earth by up to
ten generations of travel.
20,000: dark age of technology. discovery of navigators and development of warp drive
aid colonization. galaxy explored in less than 1,000 years. stc developed. titans invented.
the great diaspora- humans seek to remake galaxy in their own image, including seeding
worlds with familiar animals.
21,000: alien wars. mankind encounters and fights with orks, eldar.
23,000-24,000: age of strife. appearance of psychic powers, and warp entities. earth and
colonies cut off by warp storms. appearance of abhumans. man fights man. stc system
lost. age of isolation- squat worlds cut off. formation of leagues.
24,000: horiax treatise mentions genetic alteration techniques.
27,000: civil war on earth. earliest modified warriors aid the emperor in conquest of
terra.
29,500?: appearance of emperor. earth tribes united. imperium begins. age of tradesquats
trade with orks, eldar (lasts 3000 yrs).
28,000: primarch project. 20 primarchs created by emperor. embryos are scattered
through the warp by chaos forces. great crusade begins.
28,500?: age of wars: squats betrayed by orks, eldar.
28,600?: first founding. 20 chapters of space marine created from gene seed samples that
survived from the primarch project .
28,700?: eldar build craft ships, heeding the slann warnings.
28,800?: fall of the eldar. eldar society collapses, creating chaos god slaanesh.
homeworlds lost in creation of eye of terror. end of the warp storms and the age of strife.
28,826: during banquet honoring pacification of the cheraut system, lord princeps
ichabod lethrai tells tale of conflict between primarchs konrad kurze and rogal dorn.
shortly after their duel, kurze disappeared, taking his fleet to nostramo and destroying the
planet, the first step in a campaign of terror whence kurze eventually renounces the
emperor.
29,125?: lunar wolves renamed sons of horus.
29,812 (may be as early as 28,000): great crusades. primarchs rediscovered and united
with their marine chapters. human galaxy reclaimed under pax imperialis.
29,000: great crusades continue, accelerated gene-culturing used to fill need for vast
numbers of marines leads to genetic flaws. enables a space marine to be processed in a
single year.
29,350: karis cephalon resettled during great crusades.
30,012: scouring of isstvan iii. warmaster horus, with 4 other traitor space marine legions,
virus bomb isstvan iii to suppress a minor rebellion. frigate einstein escapes with news of
horus' corrupt activities.
30,013: horus heresy. seven legions sent against horus, but four defect to his side and
three are destroyed. marine fights marine in battles across the galaxy.
30,014 (13th of secundus): siege of earth. horus lays siege to emperor's palace. emperor
teleports on board horus' battle barge. sanguinius killed. horus mortally wounded.
emperor wounded, placed in golden throne.
30,014-30,021: great scouring. rebel forces throughout the galaxy are quelled. chaos
forces retreat into the eye of terror.
30,021?: dionerius' "rise of man" describes the wulfen, the 13th comany of the space
wolves, and how they entered the eye of terror to pursue the traitor legions at the end of
the horus heresy. primarch guilliman and dorn did not want to lose marines to such a
campaign and advised against it, though it is not clear whether russ sent the wulfen in or
if they went of their own accord. the wulfen were never seen or heard from again.
30,021?: roboute guilliman compiles the first codex astartes, which lays down the new
organizational doctrine for space marine chapters.
30,021: second founding. marine legions broken into chapters - each company becomes
a chapter, with 10 companies each (this time limited to 1,000 marines per company). 23
new chapters created. grey knights secretly created.
30,021?: bjorn the fell handed becomes first great wolf after russ dissapears. after being
fatally wounded, spends the next 500 years at the forefront of space wolves battles as a
dreadnought.
30,084: jaghatai khan disappears while fighting dark eldar on corusil v, near the
maelstrom. presumably he pursued a dark eldar lord through an alien portal that led into
the dimension occupied by the dark eldar (commarragh?).
30,100?: dark founding (13th). unknown number or fate of chapters. no record of the
chapters or sample of their gene seed is maintained by adeptus terra.
31,000: the space wolf base, the fang, is attacked by magnus the red and the thousand
sons as revenge for the destruction of prospero.
31,000: the temple of the saviour emperor is recognized as the official religion of the
imperium, given the title of imperial cult (also known as the ecclesiarchy).
31,200: ecclesiarch veneris ii becomes a high lord of terra.
31,243: inquisitor damasko first postulates that chaos (and other?) gods must use mortals
to manifest their power in the physical universe.
31,500: ecclesiarch becomes a permanent position on the high lords of terra.
31,000+: loyalist primarchs reportedly die or disappear over the following millenia.
traitor legion primarchs become daemon primarchs.
33,000: first black crusade (known as the blackstar crusade). chaos forces emerge from
the eye of terror to mount an incursion into the ganglax sector. khorne champion ekrak
conquers m'laan xiii and turns it into a daemon world.
34,000: the ecclesiarchy's power wanes.
34, 200: the ecclesiarchy under benedin iv moves to ophelia vii and again grows in
power.
34,344: initial imperial surveys of ancient tomb complexes on angelis (gorkamorka). later
in m.35, ork spacehulk crashlands on angelis, burying the humans alive around the
temples. the survivors descend into savagery, becoming the diggas. reports of 'ghost
warriors' (re-awakened necrons?) allying with some members of the diggas to subjugate
the other tribes and repulse the orks.
34,500: greigor xi becomes ecclesiarch, declares ecclesiarchy will return to earth.
34,359: imperial explorators gain access to deserted necrontyr tombs on angelis.
34,762-34,765: tallarn scout squad "lurenz's gravediggers" harass eldar forces on holon
prime.
34, 843: distress call from grendel's world investigated- planet discovered to have been
attacked and all inhabitants slain by terror tactics of the night lords.
34,999(late m35)?: battle of the broadsword - tallarn supresses the chaemos rebellion.
35, 266: sebastian thor born on dimmamar.
35,000: mythos angelica mortis written, including a description of the emperor's
champion in the appendix cxvi "honorifics of the legions astartes".
35,000?: cursed founding (21st). took place some time immediately before the age of
apostasy. largest founding since the second founding. experimentation conducted to
create improved, massive space marines goes awry. fire hawks, flame falcons, black
dragons, and other chapters are created with cursed gene seed. some chapters mutated
horribly. flame falcons spontaneous and extreme physical corruption turn them into a race
no longer human or sane - chapters declared excommmunicate and driven from it's home
world of lethe by the grey knights.
35,000: age of apostasy. warp storms increase. imperium in turmoil. ecclesiarchy
becomes more tyrannical. chaos, ork attacks increase. zhoros (fire hawks' world) thermal
bombed. high lord vandire comes to power, converts the daughters of the emperor (also
known as the adepta sororitas, and the sisters of battle) to be his personal bodyguards.
sebastian thor becomes a threat to vandire, but when vandire sends the frateris templar
fleet to destroy dimmamar, the fleet is wiped out by a warp storm in the clax system.
vandire is finally defeated by combined forces of tech guard, space marines and adeptus
custodes under the confederation of light, led by thor.
35,000: wars of vindication. shortly after the death of high lord goge vandire, tziz jarek of
the callidus assassins, under vandire's orders, kills the grand master of the assassins and
assumes his identity - but it emerges the grand master had already replaced himself with
another callidus assassin, and gathered assassins loyal to him to wage war against this
usurper. both sides used horrible weapons of mass destruction. finally the grand master
assassinated jarek and then disappeared in self imposed exile. inquisitor jaeger, after
investigating the wars, created the ordo sicarius to monitor the officio assassinorum and
prevent such an occurrence again.
35,288: decree passive. high lords of terra prohibits ecclesiarchy from controlling any
"men under arms". sebastian thor forms the orders militant of the adepta sororitas.
35,298: sebastian thor leaves the ecclesiarchical palace and journeys throughout the
imperium for 80 years, quelling heresy and apostasy.
35,300: the plague of unbelief. cardinal bucharis, with admiral sehalla and colonel gasto,
carves a bloody empire from gathalamor, stretching as far south as bakka and north to
fenris, and included the fleet at hydraphur, bucharis claimed that earth was a lost cause
and gathalamor would be the new center of faith. when his empire stretched into
territories controlled by the space wolves, a protracted space and land war broke out
including a 3 year siege of the space wolves fortress, the fang.
35,378: sebastian thor returns to earth, dies at age 112. ecclesiarch alexis xxii, thor's
successor, splits the convent sanctorum and convent prioris into two orders each, forming
the orders militant of the ebon chalice, valorous heart, fiery heart and argent shroud.
35,453: beelze conflict- eldar of the alaitoc craftworld cause diplomatic contact with
lexicos aldus mari to be broken.
36,563: assassin urhua thereaux of the venenum temple sent to assassinate renegade
governor yawell. ship was caught in a warp rift, holding the vessel in a temporal stasis for
698 years.
35,694: stc quest. chief artisan tilius begins search for working stc.
35,694: razorback stc discovered by tilius.
35,776: 16th armageddon steel legion on cassell put down a rebellion by cult of the way
of the emperor's flesh in less than 6 hours.
36,361: traitor marines led by orik the vile (alpha legion) fight cadians on mihok
secundus.
37,261: thereaux, unaware of the temporal stasis, proceeded to the target only to find the
governor long since dead and replaced by an anti-imperial committee with 1,000
members. thereaux spent three days poisoning all the chairs in the council's auditorium to
kill all the members.
37,437: iybraesil eldar craftworld first detected in west quadrant, segmentum obscurus.
37,788: ecclesiarch deacis vi creates two more orders of sororitas (bloody rose and sacred
rose).
37,873: explorator vessel incalculus stellar brings an alien edifice to skopios asteroid
research base. the base is taken over by an unknown enemy (possibly c'tan?), and is
turned over to manufacture of skeletal robots (necons?). base destroyed, declared
purgatus for 300 years.
38, 763: the crusader pattern land raider is officially recognized by the techpriests of
mars.
38,985: squat civil war. league thor fights league grindel over
exploration of the lost stronghold of dargon. cyclops invented.
38,985: donian crusade. black templars clear the donian sector of orks.
38,998: unholy harbinger. a space hulk breaks from warp near cloras jump point.
39,433: autarch of planet krieg declares independence and renounces the emperor's rule.
colonel jurten of krieg 33rd unleashes a campaign of atomic cleansing that lasts 5 years,
turns krieg into wasteland. from then on, death korps forces embark on quest of
absolution.
39,561: nexxas exculpation. emperor's children fight imperial guard.
39,666: an imperial patrol force engages necron warships in the yucatan system. only a
single cobra destroyer escapes; when imperial fleet returns, all colonists are missing.
39,675: the hive world vidium is lost to dark eldar.
39,924: a single vindicare imperial assassin destroys a gargant, terminating warlord
urglak the unstoppable, on roxanzand.
39,989: yme-loc eldar craftworld first detected in segmentum obscurus, west quadrant.
40,085: by request of inquisitor scallen, sisters of the order of the valorous heart purge
hive tumulus (on planet farglum) of the cult epicurian.
40,139: abaddon's forces complete construction of the planet killer in the eye of terror.
40,142- 40,160: first gothic war. abaddon uses the planet killer to lead a black crusade
that ravages the gothic sector. 40,154: the planet killer is finally destroyed. no traces of
the remains are found by inquisitor horst's investigation 2 years later.
40,213: castaburg is invaded by orks under warlord skarmork. death corps of krieg
counterattack.
40,273: inq. draco visits stalinvast. hydra found. stalinvast destroyed.
40,342: inquisitor quixos declared heretic and extremis diabolus by inquisitor eisenhorn.
eisenhorn leads a cell that hunts down and kills quixos 3 years later. (quixos approx. 300
years old at this point).
40,356: macharius is born, son of pella, the imperial commander of donia.
40,359: copul iv cleansed by ultramarines.
40,367: ork world of balur scoured by marine and ig campaign led by calgar.
40,371: brother sergeant severus of the ultramarines wounded on corinth, interred in
dreadnought. returns for 7 year corinthian crusade in 698.m41.
40,373: inquisitors murdered. draco raids black library. planet sabulorb incinerated. draco
killed in eldar webway.
40,374: macharius earns the colonelcy of the donian xxvi. 40,379: macharius becomes
the general of the donian iv army duringe the roxane rebellion. 40,380: macharius takes
the stronghold of rebel leader roxane mountjoy, and rescues lord solar commander
phillips, becoming phillips' second in command and most successful general. 40,386: lord
solar phillips dies. macharius appointed lord solar. 40,387-40,391: as macharius' armies
assemble, he reconquers the worlds of lands end, morbellum and jalfrezi iii with his
donian army. 40,392: macharius begins his great conquest of the western galaxy. over a
thousand worlds fall to him and his generals over the next seven years. 40,392: the hive
world of persepolis is recontacted after 5,000 years. macharius finds the tomb of the
ancient explorer indijona the vagrant, and takes the helm he finds there for himself.
40,393: while fighting against chaos marines on zaga iv, a bolter round embeds in
macharius' chest but does not explode. the confessores proclaim this an emperor's
miracle. 40,395: macharius orders the advanced technology world of adrantis v destroyed
by a redirected comet, and disbands the 3rd army group. 40,396: macharius' 2nd and 5th
army cross the boundary of the astronomicon. 40,398: warp travel is slow, but macharius
still conquers another 15 worlds - and destroys seven. 40,399: macharius bombards the
carnelion palace of leminitus into submission. his generals decide the conquests should
end. 40,400: macharius dies before reaching the old boundaries of the imperium. 40,401:
macharius is entombed on macharia, his first base of operations.
40,450-40,465: the hesten manuscript, documenting principles of the god incarnate
(thorian doctrine), is compiled by inq. hesten.
40,474: the armageddon riots. warp storms cut off armageddon. food shortages lead to
armed rebellion in a dozen hives. first war of armageddon? (see 40,891.)
40, 452: sororitas (bleeding heart) entrusted with bones of st. emiline, evacuated from
emiline's hope (shrine world) when yerena system invaded by ork waaagh! under
command of the arch maniac of calvera.
40,567: sergeant lysander awarded imperial laurel for acts of courage under fire during
pacification of heretical insurgence on iduno.
40,659: logan grimnar becomes new great wolf of the space wolves.
40,698: the corinthian crusade. marneus calgar is elected leader of a marine force
including ultramarines, lamenters, marines errant, angels of absolution, and silver skulls,
on a 7 year crusade. ork empire of charadon suffers series of heavy defeats, delaying the
invasion of waaagh argluk by 30 years.
40,704: the siege of tulwa- calgar leads infiltration force that destroyed the fortress of
pain (iron warriors).
40,737: valos reported stripped of life. (hive fleet behemoth).
40.738: latest founding (26th). most current founding as of 40,995.
40,745: ultramarines retaliation against the growing tau empire is cut short by invasion of
hive fleet behemoth.
40,745: first tyrannic war. hive fleet behemoth attacks the ultramarines homeworld
macragge. defeated at great cost - their entire first company is wiped out.
40,759: the scouring of quintarn. calgar commands forces against ork scavengers who
captered triple system of quintarn, tarentus and masali (part of ultramarines empire) in the
aftermath of hivefleet behemoth.
40,765: space marine chapter losses to date - 13 lost (in the warp), 21 irrecoverable
(through battle losses), 9 gene seed failure, 4 inquisitorial purge, 16 other circumstances.
40,780: the fourth quadrant rebellion. (40,903?)
40,801: lugannath eldar craftworld first detected by the imperium.
40,807: the purgation of jhanna- calgar leads two ultramarine companies in the recature
of rebellious oceanic cities of omon and vorlencia, against renegades and chaos marines.
40,815: space wolves great wolf sven ironhand revokes his oath and leads his great
company into exile in the eastern fringes.
40,853: the battle of the steel cross- captain cortez of the crimson fists slays an ork
warlord and his bodyguard.
40,861: the battle of arconar- marneus calgar defeats a coalition of eldar raiders on the
feral world of arconar, scattering their forces and capturing their bases both on and off
world.
40, 867: captain cortez of the crimson fists breaks through eldar lines despite suffering 17
wounds including a stab through one of his hearts and two heavy weapons hits.
40,879: battle of knarts landing - marneus calgar defeats rebel army led by general dornal
in 30 day battle on industrial world of knart's landing, taking less than 17% casualties.
40,891: first battle for armageddon. chaos incursion led by angron and world eaters
beaten back by space wolves and grey knights.
40, 892: cortez defended breach in fortress maladon's wall for 21 hours of constant
fighting.
40,897: massacre at sanctuary 101. adeptus sororitas fortress destroyed by necron raiders.
40,901: badab war. tiger claws' master, lufgt huron, revolts.
40,903: lamenters, mantis warriors, executioners join revolt.
40,903: captain cortez fights through the entire kardian six week campaign without
supplies after they had been lost to enemy fire during deployment.
40,904: fire hawks retaliate when their supply ship is captured by rebels.
40,906: red scorpions and minotaurs called in to suppress revolt.
40,907(913?): executioners, lamenters sent on penitent 100 year crusade.
40,917: the battle of amion. red talons and steel legion fight rebel imperial forces.
40,940: tzeench cults revolt on the planet chicano. world lost.
40,941-40,942: second battle for armageddon. ork waaagh! led by ghazghkull mag
uruk thraka assault the hive world armageddon secundus. lord herman von straub's forces
are saved by commissar yarrick's performance.
40,942: eldar commander yriel is the leader of the iyanden fleet.
40,944: the balur crusade- calgar elected leader of marine crusade force operating against
worlds along the eastern fringe. operations began with scouring of ork held balur and
ending with devastation of boros.
40, 945-40, 959: ghazghkull thraka mounts raids on various planets.
40,946: dante, yarrick, and mannheim monitoring stations established in outermost orbit
of armageddon system.
40,962: imperial base on buca iii annihilated by ork asteroid base (under thraka).
40,963: fire hawks fortress monastery, rapturous rex, sent to crow's world sector to
investigate dark eldar. they disappear en route.
40, 972: imperial agri-world chigon 17 overrun by orks under thraka using guerilla
tactics.
40,976: hive fleet perseus detected by ultramarines.
40,981: durlan ocellati discovers warp route into wheel of fire.
40,982: last encounter with hive fleet perseus. drifts outsystem.
40,983: fire hawks declared lost in the warp.
40,984: battle of hell town. pyran dragoons assigned to armageddon jungle base desert
their posts, leaving the armageddon ork hunters to defend against ork invasion.
40, 986 imperial battlecruiser radiant way wiped out by ork pirates led by thraka.
40,987: space wolves 519th crusade ends in wheel of fire (orks cleared).
40,988: crimson fists nearly wiped out by their own missiles while fighting orks on rynn's
world.
40,989: blood angels terminators killed while exploring a space hulk (chronicled in the
game space hulk).
40,992: second tyrannic war. iyanden craftworld nearly destroyed by hive fleet kraken.
lamenters chapter lost. scythes of the emperor chapter badly depleted, homeworld lost.
40,992: the viii kimmerian regiment, fighting orks on the eastern fringe, are assisted by
jotun bearclaw's renegade great company, who refused to return to fenris after fighting at
ichar iv due to the length of travel time involved.
40,995: battle of korsk ii. lord vorlak leads a rebellion that is crushed by marines in a
major tank battle on the plains of korsk ii.
40,995: defense of ichar iv. marneus calgar acts as supreme commander in defense of
ichar iv, a vital industrial world on the eastern fringe. tyranid invaders from hivefleet
kraken held in check by the combined efforts of space marines, imperial guard and alien
eldar forces.
40,998: historicus coran celecius tried for heresy after his work links the aphis hermitage
massacre to the necrontyr and other mysterious past encounters.
41,000: abbaddon the despoiler returns, with a re-built planet killer, and the last two
remaining blackstone fortresses, built around the artifacts known as the 'talismans of
vaul'. he launches his 13th black crusade, his largest invasion yet. imperial defenses at the
cadian gate are overwhelmed by a flood of chaos space marines and traitorous imperial
guard.

Gwar! wrote:

Kervin wrote:OK how about this: Stay away from Nids, Orks, Necrons, DE, and the Imperial people (you look at them wrong and you are dead). So go back in time and make sure the first xenos humans meet are the Tau.

That is kind of impossible.

1) Humanity was created by the Old Ones on some backwater planet orbiting an isolated star in the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy. T'au have were created by... someone (not too sure, it might have been the Old Ones or the Eldar or some form of Eldar offshoot) far in the eastern edge of the Galaxy in the middle of a tightly packed star cluster.
2) Humanity has NEVER gotten along with Xenos. Never. Even in the time of the Great Crusade, they may not have been the Xenocidal maniacs they are now, but back then they were attempting to re-contact lost human worlds with relativity little resources, so it was a "Lesser of two evils" problem, the lesser evil being let the Xenos go about their merry way and the greater being getting dragged into multiple wars that they could not possibly afford.
3) And finally, the coup de grâce, Humanity discovered the Warp some time in late M3, and had colonised Mars by 200.M3, by M15 had begun to colonise other worlds using crude spacecraft, by M18 had isolated the Navigator Gene and by M21 begun it's wars with the Eldar and Ork races. T'au spontaneously and rapidly evolved and became a Space faring race in about 5,000 - 6,000 years after the first Contact in M35 (when they were little more than primitive Xenos Lifeforms)

So even if you did go back in time, it would be utterly Impossible for the first Xenos that Humaniy meets to be the T'au.

I also am weird and know too much of this stuff!

Thanks for the background info Gwar! and shas'o vera.

The thing about time travel is there is alway the possibility that you go to another universe or under some ideas it is an inevitability. So T'au could be in the west and evolve alongside humans.

At least mine was from memory, and not just copypasted

And as for the whole "changing the timeline" idea, can't happen. Proff. D. Adams has already proven that no matter how much you try there is no problem with changing the course of history—the course of history does not change because it all fits together like a jigsaw. All the important changes have happened before the things they were supposed to change and it all sorts itself out in the end.

Also, to confuse this time travel matter even more, it could be your efforts to make sure that the first aliens humanity communicated with being the tau that causes everything else to happen. Or it could just alter the circumstances so you never get born. Cue the grandfather paradox.

Gwar! wrote:At least mine was from memory, and not just copypasted

And as for the whole "changing the timeline" idea, can't happen. Proff. D. Adams has already proven that no matter how much you try there is no problem with changing the course of history—the course of history does not change because it all fits together like a jigsaw. All the important changes have happened before the things they were supposed to change and it all sorts itself out in the end.

Professor D. Adams also proved that you could fly by falling down and getting distracted at the last moment. I'm afraid the general scientific community laughs (on a regular basis) at his understanding of physics and the fabric of reality.

OK anther not to do in the 40k universe:

Don't talk about using time travel to make thing less grim and dark. You well 1) just end up with a big headache or 2) you will get killed by someone.

Talking about time travel IS rather pointless...unless you have at least a PhD. in theoretical physics.

I'm not sure that physics even apply in 40k since A) they have FTL travel and B)everyone and their dog has some innate psychic power. So, could simply agree now that in the universe of 40K, Orks COUlD go back in time and track down Gork and Mork and ask to be created with better BS and a fluff-wise mandatory 4S. This would in turn cause Orks to be tremendously unbalanced and get squated by the mighty to-lazy-to-balance hammer of khorn. Who would be wearing a funny hat.

Sorry, what were we talking about?

Don't get me wrong. Time Travel is not only Possible, but a solid FACT of the 40k universe. What I am saying is that even if you could intentionally do it (all cases have been ships becoming FUBAR in the Warp and such), it wouldn't change anything, as it already happened.

don't line up for the Golden toilet..... you'll be waiting a while

Do anything to anyone at any time for any reason. . . especially that guy over there. . . he looks angry. >.<

put down your entire army in front of a bastion... against nids...... and orcs...... and trygons..... and khorne...... and a tank company.

nintendoeats on page 21 wrote:I would say that trying to do anything except hide is a bad move. Just don't come into conatact with anything except MAYBE Tau, but only if you really need food/water/medical supplies/to die.

I appear to have predicted the direction of this thread.

Tell a Blood Angel that Red Bull will give them wings

Ask a Howling Banshee to do a pole dance

Challenge a Howling Banshee to a screaming contest

Tell a Noise Marine to turn it down.

Sell a car to some Orks.

person person wrote:Sell a car to some Orks.

The sale will not take place, you open the hood to show then the engine and they will kill you with the hood. Look a looted wagon.

Show this picture to worshippers of Khorne.

?: creation of the galaxy. emergence of the c'tan and the old slann. the warp is a placid
domain, devoid of intelligence. the c'tan and the old slann seed many worlds for life, in
the hopes that their creations will aid them in their struggle against the other. both the
orks and the eldar may be old slann creations, whilst the necrontyr are clearly the spawn
of the c'tan.
Necronteir are not spawned by c'tan they are made by the oldones that is why they hate them so much

60,000,000,000 bc (approx): galaxy wide catastrophe. faced with extinction, the
necrontyr constructed metal bodies as repositories for their hyper-advanced minds. to
weather the impending galatic bio-meltdown the necrontyr constructed huge stasis
chambers to shelter inside. note: the c'tan are believed to have caused the near-extinction
of life in the galaxy at this time.
The necronreir already had thye body they where trickeds into them by the ctan

14,000 ad?: eldar learn secrets of webway technology from the slann. old slann culture
dies out. slann warn eldar of their own fall.

they learned this stuff Way before man was around


28,000: primarch project. 20 primarchs created by emperor. embryos are scattered
through the warp by chaos forces. great crusade begins.

28,600?: first founding. 20 chapters of space marine created from gene seed samples that
survived from the primarch project .the crusade started after the marine LEGIONS where made

28,700?: eldar build craft ships, heeding the slann warnings.
28,800?: fall of the eldar. eldar society collapses, creating chaos god slaanesh.
homeworlds lost in creation of eye of terror. end of the warp storms and the age of strife.

This happend at the dawn of man while we where still cave men

29,125?: luna wolves renamed sons of horus.
luna wolfs "god"

29,812 (may be as early as 28,000): great crusades. primarchs rediscovered and united
with their marine legions. human galaxy reclaimed under pax imperialis.

29,000: great crusades continue, accelerated gene-culturing used to fill need for vast
numbers of marines leads to genetic flaws. enables a space marine to be processed in a
single year.
Only the raven guard did that

but good job anyway

Oh yes and don't tell a great unlcean one to go on jenny craig

lol

damn, i got beaten,

Never walk up to a Space Marine and say "The Horus Heresy Never Happened", then just start laughing.

Give the golden throne a golden shower

Deathbot wrote:Point out to Ahriman that he's spent 10,000 years failing to get into a library guarded by clowns.

cadian512 wrote:ask that man in the black cap and black coat if he can cover for you while you make a run for it!

fludit wrote:"Now remember Johnny, if you run into a tyranid in the woods, just play dead. He'll walk right on by."

CountCross wrote:-Black mail Dark Angels

Kurgash wrote:Ask the Eldar if they used an epidural when giving birth to Slaanesh.

Funny stuff there.

sniperjolly wrote:I try (and suceed) to stay at least 20,000 years away from any ork at all times.

How's the Eye of Terror working out for ya, then?


Anyway, NOT TO's:

- Ask Marbo to park your Warhound
- Ask Creed to park your Warhound
- Eat anything served by a Kroot
- Play Lego with Perturabo
- Play Lego with Dorn
- Play Lego with Perturabo *if* you're Dorn
- Be the one to tell Russ that Magnus was right and Horus just rebelled
- Pick your nose while dual wielding lightning claws
- Be within 5 miles of Commisar Cain. Especially if you're a Khorne Berzerker. Or a psyker. Or have a sense of smell...
- Ask Abaddon if he's planning another sequel
- Ask Lorgar if he's planning another sequel
- Ask Loken if he's planning *on being in* another sequel
- Trust anyone from the Horus & Lorgar Crusades Inc. Especially if you're one of the other 16 primarchs...
- Sell life insurance to guardsmen
- Open a petrol station on Deliverance
- Remove Guilliman from stasis, no matter how much his wounds will heal. Come to think of it, *especially* if his wounds will heal
- Open a pub in the Eye of Terror. Russ will find it.
- Come up with "Ooops!" as your best excuse. Especially if you're Ahriman
- Piss Mkoll off. Or steal his sacra.

Ask that green SM wearing a dress which chapter he's from.

CHALLANGE COMANDER FARSIGHT TO A SWORD FIGHT, WITH AN ORK.

challenge an ork to an eating contest

Commisar Wolfie wrote:challenge an ork to an eating contest

unless your a hungry ogrn

walk up to a space marine and say my armor is better, while dressed as a storm trooper (the guy as my avatar)

shas'o vera wrote:walk up to a space marine and say my armor is better, while dressed as a storm trooper (the guy as my avatar)

I sure hope that evrybody on Dakka knows what a stormtrooper is (Though some of them might guess WWII first...)

nintendoeats wrote:

shas'o vera wrote:walk up to a space marine and say my armor is better, while dressed as a storm trooper (the guy as my avatar)

I sure hope that evrybody on Dakka knows what a stormtrooper is (Though some of them might guess WWII first...)

i'll makke it easier, the only thing they can do is tactical facepalm

Shout "I'm a chargin' mah lazer" when firing your lascannon/lasgun.

charging into battle as comander farsight shouting LLLLLLLLEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRROOOOOOYYYYYYYY JJJJJJJJJEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNSSSS

Talk to an Inquisitor about a new Dan Brown novel.

Lupe wrote:- Open a pub in the Eye of Terror. Russ will find it.

Genius! Why hasn't this been tried?

Lord of battles wrote:

Lupe wrote:- Open a pub in the Eye of Terror. Russ will find it.

Genius! Why hasn't this been tried?

Like a service station? That would be aweosme! Open them up all over the galaxies! I'd love to see a hive fleet stop to refuel on biomass .

Forget to fill up the land raider when you return it.

Attempt to shake Yarick's left hand instead.

Get drunk and say "Wanna' Wrastle" to an ogryn at a Gaurd party.

Tell the inquisitor that he's a traitorous mutant xenos in disguise.

Have dinner with a kroot.

Burn the Thousand Sons books.

Run into a SM chapter house and yell at the top of your lungs "For the Greater Good" then proceed to run out and see how far you get before a bolter tears through your face.

Play a game of Chess with a Firewarrior, and in the mid game yell "In the name of the Emperor, Finish This!"

charge into a spacemarine chapter yelling THIS IS SPARTA!!!

Time travel to the future and tell the Blood Angels that Sanguinius would have been popular with the ladies.

(Twilight...)

Touch the Emperor. You WILL die.

Ask a BA if they are vampires why don't they sparkle.

(You may die twice over)

WIN!

Run around an Imperial planet screaming:

"I am the re-incarnation of Horus"

Run around a Chaos world screaming:

"I am the re-incarnation of the Emperor"

Just run round sreaming.

or just run.

Ask where the washrooms are in a battlebarge.

Mozzyfuzzy wrote:Just run round sreaming.

or just run.

While naked.

Luke_Prowler wrote:

Mozzyfuzzy wrote:Just run round sreaming.

or just run.

While naked.

or just being naked

find a working STC machine only to discover that it makes socks...
....and then tell the mechanicus

shas'o vera wrote:

Luke_Prowler wrote:

Mozzyfuzzy wrote:Just run round sreaming.

or just run.

While naked.

or just being naked

Or just being.

- Ask the Princeps to pull over so you can take a dump
- Pull over cause one of the Moderatii needs to take a dump
- Take the stairs to get out of a Titan while desperate for a dump
- Same as the above, but with your trousers down, and a magazine and a roll of TP in your hands

Play punch buggy with a SM

Play punch buggy with marneus calgar. Take a thunder hammer and a few pre-primed grenades and play baseball with them.

The latter one would be a bad idea in any universe, really

try glomping anything

Having a romance with a Slaanshi Cultist

Play "got your nose" with a nurgling.
Depants an Inquistor

Tell Ortan Cassius that he's as ugly as sin.(Even though it's true.)

Cross a Greater Gnarloc with a Gargantuan Squiggoth and give it's offspring to a commissar and shout in his face "XENOS ADOPTION SERVICE!"

Tell Commander Shadowsun to take her top off.

Buy an expensive house on cadia/armeggedon.

I just generally think buying an expensive house is a bad idea right now.

I don't think there would be such thing as an expensive house up for sale.

ever challenge a star sucking, essence devouring, ancient superpower that has the power to destroy planets at will and has an army of imortal robots that can never truely die(ie a c'tan) in a fight

Use the washroom in a Stompa, the squigs'll get you!!!

Try to kill a nid with a fly swatter.

Try to train a nid to kill a fly.

train a fly, to kill a nid

xGhost4000x wrote:

shas'o vera wrote:

Luke_Prowler wrote:

Mozzyfuzzy wrote:Just run round sreaming.

or just run.

While naked.

or just being naked

Or just being.

Or just

or


Automatically Appended Next Post:

Mozzyfuzzy wrote:

xGhost4000x wrote:

shas'o vera wrote:

Luke_Prowler wrote:

Mozzyfuzzy wrote:Just run round sreaming.

or just run.

While naked.

or just being naked

Or just being.

Or just

Or

Or maybe

Walk onto Titan (The home of the GK) and scream: "I am a heretic, and I'm lovin' it!"

Walk into the eye of terror and shout: Im loyalist and I'm proud!

"Assault cannons, Ezekyle. Heavy 4 Rending awesomeness... Emperor help me, I hate you so much..."

Worst thing you could ever shout

Thou shall not use a tankhammer to play whack-a-nid
Thou shall not use a gauss rifle to make toast
Don't stare at the Keeper of Secrets
Thou shall not ask a Talos driver if they have crabs
Wash your hand after handling Nurgle artifacts. With napalm
Calling a Space Wolf a "furry" is just plain suicide.
Thou shall not draw a smiley face on your armor
Nor a mustache.
Thou shall not put peanut butter in a space marine's power armor
Do not attempt to con a Thousands Son. It won't work.
The Incredible Hulk is not an Ork.
Thou shall not ask The Eldar "Didn't you guys have your own empire?"
The tentacles are not your friend.
And as always: Thou shall not put turn the safety on.

phantommaster wrote:Or maybe

Walk onto Titan (The home of the GK) and scream: "I am a heretic, and I'm lovin' it!"

I think that you might have a chance on Titan saying that one, but saying that around a SoB no chance.

Now screaming: "Blood for the blood god; skulls for the skull throne!!!!" on Titan is a bad idea.

Don't try to spray nids with raid

True. Fire works better.

Scream in front of The Emperor "Can i borrow the throne?"
or
"Blood for the Blood god!"
or
"DAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKA." while holding a laspistol
or
Screaming "Horus was better!"
or
"FOR THE FATHER!"
or
"My god Batman, they are coming from the front!"
or
"MERP!"
or
"FANTASY IS BETTER!"
or
"USA SUCKS."
or
"FOR THE PORN GOD!"

Loot a Mega XLR, its looted enough, leave it alone.

Run into a space marine Monestary screaming
"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!"
or
"DAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKA." While holding a Heavy bolter.

Moon an Emperor's Children/daemonette, or anything slaaneshi for that matter.

Munch Munch! wrote:Moon an Emperor's Children/daemonette, or anything slaaneshi for that matter.

Remember, not *every* price is worth avoiding a bolter round to the head

Ask any form of Imperial commander if this was a good idea.

Or

tell a commisar his cap is on back to front.

Tell an Ork you ate his mom-fungi with your sausages for breakfast..
Them was good mushrooms..

Poke a carnifex with a stick..

be a human.

Be a human in a teddy bear suit...

be a teddy bear

Scream "You suck" to any one.

Join the imperial guard!

Things you should never do:
1) Sit on a cyclonic torpedo with a cowboy hat screaming like an idiot (http://homerbomb.ytmnd.com/)
2) Call a pest control guy when the 'nids are around
3) Hug an ork
4) Hug a 'nid
5) Hug a Chaos marine
6) Well, hug anything really
7) Throw fridge-magnets at a necron
8) Be anonymous
9) Stuff rubbish down the barrell of a battlecannon when you've got no where else to put it (no one likes a high velocity apple core to he brain)
10) Ask your friendly, neighbourhood Commissar if the greatcoat comes in pink

Space_Potato wrote:
9) Stuff rubbish down the barrell of a battlecannon when you've got no where else to put it (no one likes a high velocity apple core to he brain)

This one doesn't seem like such a bad idea actually, as long as you get out of the way fast.

Space_Potato wrote:Things you should never do:
1) Sit on a cyclonic torpedo with a cowboy hat screaming like an idiot (http://homerbomb.ytmnd.com/)

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Exterminatus

bad thing #1. . . exist(bad move to begin with)

while on any planet, turning on the safety on that lasgun

Huffy wrote:bad thing #1. . . exist(bad move to begin with)

while on any planet, turning on the safety on that lasgun

Bad thing #2 use a lasgun.

play fetch with a lit bomb squig.

Be born. Anywhere.

Call ork boyz girlz.

Attempt to take away an ogryn's teddy bear.

Smile at anyone. Especially chaplains.

Call Slanesh "Ugly".

Pet a juggernaut. Or thunderwolf. or flesh hound. or anything esle that looks "cuddly"

Call a dreadnought "old man".

Use the golden throne as a "throne".

be a snotling

Touch the tech. Call lucius the eternal an "ugly scarred old guy"(no matter how true it is)

tell a sob that she looks fat in that power armour.
tell a sob to get back in the kitchen.

Join the space dwarfs.

Impersonate John Lennon.

Ask the BT if they've heard the story of Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike.

Stare into the barrel of a bolter to see why the bolt isn't coming out.
Shove yourself down the barrel of a railgun to see why it isn't coming out.
Attempt to high-five a Tau.

or tell the inquisition of why did the heritic cross the road?

Or don't tell the inquisition anything when they ask.

When given an order say that's what she said.

^^^
Hehe
Commander
"First rank fire! Second Rank Fire"
Guardsmen
"Thats what she said."
Comissar
*Bang*"Anyone else have anything smart to say?"

alternatively
SM
"In the name of the emperor finish this"
Dying eldar
"That's what she said"


anyway though back to the topic
open a Tyranid Zoo

xGhost4000x wrote:open a Tyranid Zoo

Oh god, it's Jurassic Park all over again.

Thou shall not pee out the back of the Valkyrie.
Thou shall not use a servo-skull to spy on the SoBs
The Eldar are not your friend.
It's pronounced "Lays" cannon
The Deathstrike Missile Launchers are not over compensation for something else.

Layscannons go "freem" when fired

Anyway, you shouldn't:

Keep a pet ripper (although that would be pretty damn awesome)
Cook marshmallows with an inferno cannon
Light a cigarette with an inferno cannon
Tell your local inquisitor/priest/commisar that "Chaos can't be that bad"
Ask a Tech Priest if he has "tried turning it off and on again"

Upgrade the Tech priest's favourite computer for his birthday.

Tell a tech priest to RTFM

Mozzyfuzzy wrote:When given an order say that's what she said.

lol.

Get extremely drunk (and stumble about) near the big red button of a death strike missile launcher

Drink fenrisian ale while being an average human.

strap death srike missle to back and point

Kogwar wrote:strap death srike missle to back and point

Unless you're an Ork.

Space_Potato wrote:
Keep a pet ripper (although that would be pretty damn awesome)

My haemonculi has one...

Use Lasguns to have a
SWEET RAVE PARTY

Attempt to hypnotize a Magus

Live, pretty sure we'de all die a horrible death in 40k. That or a pointless, toil-filled, torturous, short life.

Pick Mushrooms in an ork breeding ground.

Eat the mushrooms in an ork breeding ground.

Open up a gay bar. Period.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Open up a gay bar. Period.

Why. Eldar would be all over it.

Duct Tape ur fellow SM cadet to the back of the Regiment's Dreadnaught.

Attempt to use an Ork Stormboyz' Rokkit Pack

Tell an Ork Loota he needs more Dakka.

Ask an Ork Painboy for some Viagra.

Let an Ork take your car for a spin.

Tundrawulf wrote:Tell an Ork Loota he needs more Dakka.

Ask an Ork Painboy for some Viagra.

Let an Ork take your car for a spin.

Lets make it simpler:

Have any interaction with an Ork.

an Ork.

True. Really goes on-topic:

Q: Things not to do in the 40k universe
A: an Ork

Q(2): Is there any other universe where you would do an Ork?

Considering that Orks are Asexual Fungi...

Well maybe you would if you were a bee or another ork

Thou Shalt not Tease the dreadnought.

Thou Shalt not give thy battle brother a friendly "good game" slap.

lol.

The ting is... Would you really WANT to do an ork? I mean... eww, considering that they never shower and Ive never heard of an instance of them even trudging through deep water.

Just watch, this is gonna end up being a completely new topic.

Eat anything with mushrooms around an Ork even if you know it is safe to eat.

Kervin wrote:Eat anything

fixed (damn, ho many of these things do i need to fix? )

Hey your mispelling mistake gave me an idea! Call the cannoness a damn ho.

TheBlackVanguard wrote:Thou Shalt not Tease the dreadnought.

Thou Shalt not give thy battle brother a friendly "good game" slap.

lol.

Thou Shall not Deep Strike into thyn girls locker Room

Deff Rider Warboss wrote:

TheBlackVanguard wrote:Thou Shalt not Tease the dreadnought.

Thou Shalt not give thy battle brother a friendly "good game" slap.

lol.

Thou Shall not Deep Strike into thyn girls locker Room

Would that cause a deep strike mishap roll? I'm not sure.

Deff Rider Warboss wrote:

TheBlackVanguard wrote:Thou Shalt not Tease the dreadnought.

Thou Shalt not give thy battle brother a friendly "good game" slap.

lol.

Thou Shall not Deep Strike into thyn girls locker Room

What if you had a teleport homer?

More like a teleport boner!

Thou shalt not send they puppy equipped with a teleport homer into thyn girls locker room so thy freinds may Deep Strike.

*Your deep strike has gone off course and landed into the ork locker room*

Have fun loosing your lunch

unplug the machine priest

Commisar Wallacej5 wrote:unplug the 'machine'

in the name of the greater good, i have fixed this.

Pat a guardsmen on the back while wearing a activated powerfist.

Mozzyfuzzy wrote:Pat a guardsmen on the back while wearing a activated powerfist.

you will get the same result with a bolter, a large crater in the back.

get overexcited and skullf*** the Etherial....

Dronze wrote:get overexcited and skullf*** the Etherial....

Unless you're an Emperor's child. To them it's a MUST DO

Thy shall not shout around Dark Eldar"THONGS FOR THE THONG GOD" if thy don't want to learn the art of butt penetration by said Dark Eldar

Tundrawulf wrote:*Your deep strike has gone off course and landed into the ork locker room*

Have fun loosing your lunch

Seeing has Orks dont have reproductive organs I see no reason why I would loose my lunch, plus orks dont shower, as mentioned above

it would be covered in blood, fungus, headless snotling corpses and as many angry orks as you can cram in such a small space. That don't shower.

Then I tell em to get there collective butts out there because the WAAAAAGH!!! is on!

Use a Squigg as a soccer ball.

I don't know if anyone has posted this but....

Accept this Commissars offer...

[/img]file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/Kevin/Imperial%20Guard%206.jpg[img]
Fun as it may be........its still a bad idea.


Tell me if this pic doesn't show please......I've never really posted a pic and don't really know how to do it.

Munch Munch! wrote:Touch anything in Creed/a DE/a slanneshi/ Nurgle's house. Bad things will happen.

You: "Hey Creed, can i have a can of soda "
Creed: " Sure its in the fridge."
You: Opens Fridge and looks in the Barrel of a Baneblade
You "CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Thoug shalt not attemt to fire a space marine bolter as a human, unless though wish it for a free dearming by said bolter.

@Commissar Nikev: It's not showing.

you should definitely NOT accept this offer.....no matter how happy it makes you or enjoyable it seems!



@Munch Munch! : There you go.

Whoa.

Munch Munch! wrote:Whoa.

Lol yea I know.....but just try not to touch her......remember she has a las-pistol in her hand.

She isn't a Commissar then. She's on the Market

Ride a squig/guant/ork/juggernaught/ork bike... well, let's just just say don't ride anything.
On a slightly related note: Offer a DE/Slaanesh cultist/Emperor's children Marine/daemonette a piggy-back ride.

Gwar! wrote:She isn't a Commissar then. She's on the Market

Rofl!!!!!!!

ROFL?

Munch Munch! wrote:ROFL?

Rolling on Floor laughing.
ROFL

OH! I didn't know. Thanks for the translation.

NO problem comrade!

Commissar NIkev wrote:

Munch Munch! wrote:Whoa.

Lol yea I know.....but just try not to touch her......remember she has a las-pistol in her hand.

Yeah but a las-pistol would only give you skin cancer. So you die slowly but atleast you get to remember the experiance.

garret wrote:

Commissar NIkev wrote:

Munch Munch! wrote:Whoa.

Lol yea I know.....but just try not to touch her......remember she has a las-pistol in her hand.

Yeah but a las-pistol would only give you skin cancer. So you die slowly but atleast you get to remember the experiance.

ROFL!!!!!! AMAZING POINT!!!!

*ahem* if you'll excuse me gents, I must go visit my female commissar friend. XD

Commissar NIkev wrote: I must go visit my female commissar friend. XD

What if she has a laspistol AND a power sword. (There goes your weiner!)

Deff Rider Warboss wrote:Then I tell em to get there collective butts out there because the WAAAAAGH!!! is on!

But a clean WAAAAAGH!!! is a happy WAAAAAGGH!!!

Cowards! she will bow down before the might of my Heavy bolter, CHARGE!!!!!! FOR THE EMPEROR!!!!

Deff Rider Warboss wrote:Cowards! she will bow down before the might of my Heavy bolter, CHARGE!!!!!! FOR THE EMPEROR!!!!

thats what she said

Roflmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thou shalt not stick a kick me sign to the back of thy friendly dreadnought!

Vishkha wrote:Thou shalt not stick a kick me sign to the back of thy friendly dreadnought!

space marine 1: are you sure we can do this?
space marine 2: of course brother, our power armour will protect us against anything, the emporer protects remember?
space marine 1: thank you brother, FOR THE EMPORER!!!! *kicks the dreadnought and they both run*

Give a box of tissues to some deathguard.

Pizzathehutt wrote:Give a box of tissues to some deathguard.

Give a Box of Tissues to a Sister Repentia

-Zing-

Thou shall't not put condoms on thy friendly dreadnoughts exhaust pipes.

Thou shalt not post "Thou shalt not..." posts

Makes it look like the Ten Commandments were copied from 40k

aka_tizz wrote:Thou shalt not post "Thou shalt not..." posts

Makes it look like the Ten Commandments were copied from 40k

How is that a bad thing...?

I didn't say it was. The twist of it just sounded funny to me

^ Thou Shall facepalm thyself for questioning the will of Dakka

High five anything from the 40k universe.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Damn, that's alot of facepalms.

Fixed it.. it wasn't working yesterday.. so obviously it did eventualy..

Don't ignore all the people warning you that Horus is going to betray you...

Oh wait too late.

Try to be a bully to creed when in kindergarden. His father is going to come out of the crayon creed is drawing with and beat you to death (smaller creed, smaller stuff to outflank).

Ask the machine spirits if its ok for you to record them for your own version of paranormal activity

Honk at the man driving the baneblade

* Use Daemon Primarch Angron's helmet for a 'field latrine' because 'spikes and skulls are sooooo gay'.

Then tell him he's been 'punked' when he slaps it on with a horrible squelchy sound. This will go worse for everyone involves if any of his 12 bloodthirster bodyguards giggles behind one hand uncontrollably.

* refer to the tyrannids as 'those wussy things from Starcraft'.

* Play a Black Sabbath record backwards while in transit through the Warp

* Just dip into Slaanesh's stash, y'know, until you can go see that guy...

* Tell an Ork mekboy 'you know, I bet it'd go even FASTER in pink...'

give tylonal to nurgel

Try to put a leash on a space wolf and scratch his belly. To make it even worse, tell him to roll over for a dog biscuit.

When the machine spirits start piloting your rhino DO NOT begin to quote "The Poltergeists" and say theeeerrrreee heeeeerrree!!!!!!


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Ask any1 with a powerfist for a cup-check

ask to borrow a cup of anything from Nurgle

play tag with anything in 40k

Thou Shall Not:

Insult the Archon's fashion sense.
Smile at a follower of Khorne.
Have a tea party in the Garden of Nurgle.
Mention the time you took acid to a follower of Slannesh.
Use the phrase "I wish the world was a better place" to Tzeentch
Tell a CSM sorcerer to shut his mouth.
Laugh at the size of a Tau's Pulse Rifle.
Let the air out of the tires of a War Trukk
Trust a grot (they're nasty little bastards)
Refer to "Ninja Skills" when hanging with the Beil-Tan
Tell the Death Guard that they should take a shower.
Refer to a Kroot Shaper as "Birdbrained"
Pat the head of a Space Wolf.
Assume you're going to win a war against the DE
Ask a Emperor's Children CSM what his whip is for.
Tell said Emperor's Children CSM that he is "Whipped"
Tell a Crimson Fist's SM that you have caught him red handed.

Well that was fun.

pay a farseer or harliquin to sing love stinks at a planetary goveners wedding

You shall not go up to the Emporer and hit Alt+Ctrl+Delete

You shall not try to partition the Golden Throne in order to install the latest distro of Lunix

You shall not send spam to the Emporer's E-mail with LoLTau (or cats)

You shall not ask to see if the sobs guns, nore shall you ask if they are real

wink if you catch that pretty slaanesh girl smiling in your direction

attpemt to hardboot the golden throne

say whos da boss around any ork

ask the Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh if they will pause so you can use the restroom

thou shalt not say "IMA FIRRIN MEH LAZZZOORRSSS!!"when firing multi lasers


Automatically Appended Next Post:
thou shalt not say "IMA FIRRIN MEH LAZZZOORRSSS!!"when firing multi lasers

shas'o vera wrote:thou shalt not say "IMA FIRRIN MEH LAZZZOORRSSS!!"when firing multi lasers


Automatically Appended Next Post:
thou shalt not say "IMA FIRRIN MEH LAZZZOORRSSS!!"when firing multi lasers

I'm afraid your allowed if your currently firing them off a landrazor

Superscope wrote:

shas'o vera wrote:thou shalt not say "IMA FIRRIN MEH LAZZZOORRSSS!!"when firing multi lasers


Automatically Appended Next Post:
thou shalt not say "IMA FIRRIN MEH LAZZZOORRSSS!!"when firing multi lasers

I'm afraid your allowed if your currently firing them off a landrazor

or a blazerblade

Or a Bazerrador with Multilazors!

Gwar! wrote:Or a Bazerrador with Multilazors!

or a multi lazor multi lazor multi lazor with multi lazoers on it

Commisar Wolfie wrote:ask to borrow a cup of anything from Nurgle

...Waaagh? wrote:
Ask any1 with a powerfist for a cup-check

Ask Nurgle for a cup-check...

go camping on amregedon, snikrot isnt very friendly

Say this to the Kharn."Hey Kharn you suck".

lol.
Ask an inquisitor if he's a heretic.

Cuddle a ripper

Don't have dinner at Papa Nurgle's house anyway, after he says "oh it's just allergies, it's not contagious"

Get this thread locked.

Hug the Unyuufex.....

ask your commisar if holding your ground is really necessary...

YOU HERETIC!


Yell at a Commissar, "Make hersey! Not YOU!"

Say "May the force be with you." to a librarian.

*looks at a librarian*
May the force be with you!
*runs far far away*

Jonas brothers, Jedward.
Enough said.

Never just stop in the middle of a firefight as a Guardsmen, walk out into the center for all to see, and break out in dance while singing Lady Gaga's Bad Romance! No one will join you so don't try it.

become a guardsman, take of your armour, walk into the middle of the fiercest fighting and yell "BEHOLD! I AM THE IMMORTAL EMPEROR OF MANKIND! BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!"

Give a Blood Letter a titty twister.

Tell your fellow Inquisitor about the slannesh girl who winked at you.....
argue with a Dreadnought
ask a noismarine to sing....
Ask a farseer what youre thinking

tell khorne you have a big head
Deny a SOB
throw birdfeed at Captain Shrike(I......he wll kill you)

liquidjoshi wrote:Jonas brothers, Jedward.
Enough said.

Yeah lol, agreed. tutti fruity.

Mr. Mayhem wrote:Give a Blood Letter a titty twister.

Give anyone a titty twister.

Caelun Niveus wrote:

Mr. Mayhem wrote:Give a Blood Letter a titty twister.

Give anyone a titty twister.

Give an SOB a titty twister

Ask you local quartermaster for a power fist so that you can give someone a titty twister.

Don't give a Mawloc a tooth exam.
NEVER tell a Blood Angel with shiny armour that he reminds you of Edward Cullen. hahaha

Commissar NIkev wrote:Never just stop in the middle of a firefight as a Guardsmen, walk out into the center for all to see, and break out in dance while singing Lady Gaga's Bad Romance! No one will join you so don't try it.

Bonus points if no Imperial forces are involved in said firefight.

listen to black metal

Lupe wrote:

Commissar NIkev wrote:Never just stop in the middle of a firefight as a Guardsmen, walk out into the center for all to see, and break out in dance while singing Lady Gaga's Bad Romance! No one will join you so don't try it.

Bonus points if no Imperial forces are involved in said firefight.

ROFLMAO XD!!!!!

MAO?

Rolling On Floor Laughing My A** Off. ROFLMAO.....


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Rolling On Floor Laughing My A** Off. ROFLMAO.....

Sorry, I'm not that hip.

^.^ Its okay...I've heard words that I was confused with.

Do anything with anyone/thing bearing ANY marks of Chaos.
Do anything with Tyranids/Orks
Be a human anywhere, anytime.
Ask that Chaos Lord/Necron Lord/Space Marine/Imperial Commissar to join the greater good.

Master Llyons wrote:Ask that Chaos Lord/Necron Lord/Space Marine/Imperial Commissar to join the greater good.

AND tell them it doesn't fit their opinion of it

Tell a Sob to make love not war

Fall in love with a Sob.

Feed fiber supplements to your squiggoth(BOOM).

Create a cult worshipping a giant nerd who can use their sacred modelling clippers to destroy all who do not join.

Break the fourth wall in any way, in fact.

never tell an Ethereal "We should put it to a vote" after he tells you to do something

joke about heresy with a Grey Knight