Captain Shrike wrote:joke about heresy with a Grey Knight

ha ha, lol

You: Knock, knock
Grey Knight: Who's there?
You: Heretic
Grey Knight: Heretic, where!?!
You:

Feed a Blood Angel magic mushrooms, their flashbacks are already freaky enough.

Walk up to an inquisitor and say "Death is my Meat, Terror My Wine!".

Guardsman - "Commissar Fang, I'd like to quit the Guard."

CF - "But why, son? It's your duty to get blown to sticky mince for the Emperor!"

Guardsman - "It's come to my attention that it's pretty dangerous out there, Commissar. I mean, most of our side have guns, sir - real guns! And the enemy are trying to hurt us! Someone might get seriously injured!"

(At this point the foot of a titan squashes both of them, in homage to Monty Python's Flying Circus)

tell a tau firewarrior that he cant shoot

let appear demons in your house when an Inquisitor of the Ordo Malleus live as your neigbour

run with a cahos ikone through an imperia city

an SOB or an eldar banshee when it´s a battle and an IG commissar is in the near

tell an khorne berserker that he suchs in CC

ask khorne to give you some skulls form the skull throne

give an imperial eagle a new paint (like pink or someelse)

never, never say that you the real emperor!

ask an vindicare if he can give you one of his bullets...

Eat the Cake:

1 (18.25 oz) package chocolate cake mix
1 can prepared coconut frosting
3/4 cups vegetable oil
4 large eggs
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
3/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
2/3 cups granulated sugar
3 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups all purpose flour
2/3 cups cocoa
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/3 cups water
1 to 2 (6 oz each) vanilla frosting

Don't forget garnishes, such as:

fish shaped crackers
fish shaped candies
fish shaped dirt
fish shaped solid waste
fish shaped ethyl benzene
pull and peel licorice
fish shaped volatile organic compounds
sediment shaped sediment
a 20-foot thick impermeable clay layer

5 internet pts fer those who get it

Captain Shrike wrote:Eat the Cake:

1 (18.25 oz) package chocolate cake mix
1 can prepared coconut frosting
3/4 cups vegetable oil
4 large eggs
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
3/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
2/3 cups granulated sugar
3 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups all purpose flour
2/3 cups cocoa
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/3 cups water
1 to 2 (6 oz each) vanilla frosting

Don't forget garnishes, such as:

fish shaped crackers
fish shaped candies
fish shaped dirt
fish shaped solid waste
fish shaped ethyl benzene
pull and peel licorice
fish shaped volatile organic compounds
sediment shaped sediment
a 20-foot thick impermeable clay layer

5 internet pts fer those who get it

wait a minute...... the cake is a lie

tell an space wolf that he need a new haircut

play poker at a slaanesh cultist party

use servoskulls for playing football

shake hands with a cybot

shas'o vera wrote:

Captain Shrike wrote:Eat the Cake:

1 (18.25 oz) package chocolate cake mix
1 can prepared coconut frosting
3/4 cups vegetable oil
4 large eggs
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
3/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
2/3 cups granulated sugar
3 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups all purpose flour
2/3 cups cocoa
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/3 cups water
1 to 2 (6 oz each) vanilla frosting

Don't forget garnishes, such as:

fish shaped crackers
fish shaped candies
fish shaped dirt
fish shaped solid waste
fish shaped ethyl benzene
pull and peel licorice
fish shaped volatile organic compounds
sediment shaped sediment
a 20-foot thick impermeable clay layer

5 internet pts fer those who get it

wait a minute...... the cake is a lie

-_- no it is not good sir!
Copy and paste the ingredients...so to google....paste it.....and its called a ------ cake.....it kinda sounds good.....but the directions are in an alien languege which I can not read....Jibba Jabba

Tell Khorne your going to build a better skull throne than his and in half the time.

tell slaanesh you´re look better than him and and have more cultists in half the time

Tell nurgle that you can make more successful diseases in a quarter of the time.
Tell malal that you can be more chaotic to chaos in half the time.

Demolition derby with the rhinos.

Race Orcs

Put on glasses, a fake moustache and a handkerchief (on your head) and ask the librarian if HE IS... THE BRAIN... SPECIALIST?

Saintspirit wrote:Put on glasses, a fake moustache and a handkerchief (on your head) and ask the librarian if HE IS... THE BRAIN... SPECIALIST?

He'll make your head explode and then use the handkerchief to wipe off the grey matter from his boots. That, without actually touching the handkerchief

tell the religious guys (can't spell it) that a monotheistic religion is wrong.

Ask Kharn if he uses his chain axe as a butt scratcher

pet the hounds of khorne.

Pimp the commanders vehicle.

Soladrin wrote:
Pimp the commanders vehicle.

Unless you're part of an ec warband or de kabal.

pimp the golden throne like "Pimp my Ride"

Necronlord2 wrote:

pimp the golden throne like "Pimp my Ride"

Discuss your theory that the Emperor might be in fact Tzeentch...

Never jump up and down while screaming hey look at me!

Tell an oblitorator he needs plastic surgery

set up a care home for madbobz

insult a titan with anger management problems

adopt a genestealer

comb your hair with a lightning claw

Heres a good one dont care for your machines and anger their machine spirits as much as possible in front of a techmarine and see what happens

Anger anyone and see what happens

Being born.

but what if your the reincarnation of the emporer? surely being born as him Is something that you should do

Use a lasgun in a fight by yourself


Automatically Appended Next Post:


Say that this Recruitment poster was made by Huron Blackheart. Or believe it and join

say to anyone that what they are living in is in fact not real, it is a game played by fat people 40000 years before where people believe in this guy with a beard called jesus who can heal lepers and can walk and water, and whose dad is just called GOD, and mars is not the home of the cult mechanicus, instead it is just a red, uninhabited planet, and say that the warp is not real, and say that CHAOS is just a term for a bad migrain, and say that a mutant is just an inbred from a place called norwich, and say that the political views of the emperor and his cronies are just a national socialist idea which is just a copy of something which happened thousands of years before by a guy called Hitler and he was the most hated man in the world for his views. say that space marines could never have been invented and that the chances of any other life forms alive besides those on earth are very very very very very very slim and we are all alone in the galaxy. and say psykers or psychics are just people who have been smoking too much dope



And see what happens.

Tell Abbadon that he had a stupid hair cut.
Challenge Sly Marbo to a game of Hide and seek
Dare "Try again" Brag to shoot an apple off of your head
Use a Mad doc as a gynecologist
High five a dreadnaught

lol.

Mozzyfuzzy wrote:but what if your the reincarnation of the emporer? surely being born as him Is something that you should do

Then you have all of eternity to look forward to with your good buddies over at chaos.

____(verb) an Inquisitor's daughter.

Ask a death guard for a Kleenex

sc0ttfree wrote:Ask a death guard for a Kleenex

Something even worse would be to offer a death guard marine a kleenex.

Caelun Niveus wrote:____(verb) an Inquisitor.

by all the power of my pelvic thrusting i call this fixed

Share a needle with Papa Nurgle, using drugs bought from Slaanesh with money on loan from Khorne. 'Course, it was all Tzeentch's idea...

Recount the anecdote about that one time when you did the above... when you're drinking with some Grey Knights.

Ask a bunch of Dark Eldar which one of them is 'the Gimp'...

Scratch 'a certain itch' while wearing lightning claws...

Give a great gargant a parking ticket...

shas'o vera wrote:

Caelun Niveus wrote:Get ____(verb) by an Inquisitor.

by all the power of my pelvic thrusting i call this fixed

Fixed for truth (it's what they do pretty much all the time)

show these pictures an Inquistor:

set up a care home for madboys

adopt a genestealer

tell an evil sunz orc with a power klaw that you bike is faster than his

ask a sm with a power fist for a boxing match

be responsible for a power cut in the golden throne room

have a pile on with a carnifex and his friends ( if carnifexs hav any friends...)

dark6spectre wrote: the chances of any other life forms alive besides those on earth are very very very very very very slim and we are all alone in the galaxy.

i so want to argue with this but i cant be bothered

or this:


(Spain Inquisition)



lazy marines

Ask Commander O'Shovah why the good is soo great?

Toss Njal Stormcaller a bone and say go fetch boy, go on!

Necronlord2 wrote:

Lazy marines to the rescue!

yes!

follow me, my lazy brothers!

Necronlord2 wrote:yes!

follow me, my lazy brothers!

O.o your necron..........What is the world of Warhammer 40k going to?

very good question

Rofl!

Never jump on the back of a Mawloc and Scream. " HIGH HO SILVER! AWAAAAAAY!" XD

Take Magnus the Red to a house of mirrors
Compare Magnus the Red to a pirate captain
Approve of Nurgle around a Thousand Sons Marine
Take a walk on the beach with a Rubric Marine
Talk about sorcery around Lemen Russ
Call Lemen Russ Lemon Russ
Give a World Eater a Klondike bar, and you a Klondike Bar...
I'll see if I can think of any more

Dialask wrote:Give a World Eater a Klondike bar

What would you do~oo, for a-BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

Caelun Niveus wrote:

Dialask wrote:Give a World Eater a Klondike bar

What would you do~oo, for a-BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

ROFLMAO! That made my day! XD

Imitate heresy near the grey knights
Ask mek boys to repair your vehicle
Go terminator tipping

candy.man wrote:
Go terminator tipping

Lol, I just pictured it... they don't "moo" to well...though those storm bolters to a good job if I do say so myself.
More bad ideas:
Drinking contest with a Space Wolf
Chess game with an Eldar Farseer
A trestise on the evil of sorcery to a Thousand Sons sorcerer
Discussing Philosophy with a member of Ordo Calixys
Pulling a coin out of the ear of an inquisitor of Ordo Hereticus
Discussing culture with an Ork
Discussing Egyptian gods with Horus
Banning faith for the Word Bearers
Hitting on the Sisters of Silence
A lego building compitition with Dorn
Thinking about breaking rules around ultramarines
And finally a Bloody Knuckles contest with a primarch

Expose yourself to a sister of battle.

expose yourself to anyone

expose anything to anyone

Captain Shrike wrote:Eat the Cake:

1 (18.25 oz) package chocolate cake mix
1 can prepared coconut frosting
3/4 cups vegetable oil
4 large eggs
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
3/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
2/3 cups granulated sugar
3 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups all purpose flour
2/3 cups cocoa
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/3 cups water
1 to 2 (6 oz each) vanilla frosting

Don't forget garnishes, such as:

fish shaped crackers
fish shaped candies
fish shaped dirt
fish shaped solid waste
fish shaped ethyl benzene
pull and peel licorice
fish shaped volatile organic compounds
sediment shaped sediment
a 20-foot thick impermeable clay layer

5 internet pts fer those who get it

its a.... its a DEVILFISH cake

Buy one of these - http://www.games-workshop.com/gws/content/blogPost.jsp?aId=9900028a

Steal the emperor from the golden throne

spogglenose wrote:Steal the emperor from the golden throne

I need a Looted Emperor picture! Stat!

Point at an eldar and laugh saying ha ha your people are doomed now !

hahahaha made my day with that picture. Baffled Custodians chasing after the orks shaking their fists.

buy an Ork clan as soilders with weapons

the problem is some impierial commanders don't listen to that sage advice and do it anyway.

Put a saddle on a flesh hound.
Put a saddle on a termagant.
Put a saddle on a cyber-mastiff.
Put a saddle on a Sister of Battle

Cook marshmallows over the ship's plasma core.
Play twister with Slaanesh
Eat a baby
Eat a Sister of Battle

S_P

aka_tizz wrote:

Saintspirit wrote:Put on glasses, a fake moustache and a handkerchief (on your head) and ask the librarian if HE IS... THE BRAIN... SPECIALIST?

He'll make your head explode and then use the handkerchief to wipe off the grey matter from his boots. That, without actually touching the handkerchief

And then you'll say
MY BRAIN HURTS!

Try to outrun anything with wings, if it doesn't then it'll probably shoot you.

Captain Shrike wrote:Eat the Cake:

1 (18.25 oz) package chocolate cake mix
1 can prepared coconut frosting
3/4 cups vegetable oil
4 large eggs
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
3/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
2/3 cups granulated sugar
3 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups all purpose flour
2/3 cups cocoa
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/3 cups water
1 to 2 (6 oz each) vanilla frosting

Don't forget garnishes, such as:

fish shaped crackers
fish shaped candies
fish shaped dirt
fish shaped solid waste
fish shaped ethyl benzene
pull and peel licorice
fish shaped volatile organic compounds
sediment shaped sediment
a 20-foot thick impermeable clay layer

5 internet pts fer those who get it

I feel a little slowed after finding out where this was from.............especially after what I posted to Shas.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

Space_Potato wrote:

Put a saddle on a Sister of Battle




Eat a Sister of Battle

S_P

I'm willing to risk these two!

Same here, lol.

this threat is:



but i love this threat

say a 'your momma' joke to a SM

ask a SM about his previous sex life

ask a SOB whether she spits or swallows

*facepalm* I'm going to back away now. Right after this. "Leave Sisters alone! *sob sob* You're lucky they even fight for you bast***s! *crying*

Don't worry, it could've been worse. For instance, if Arab radicals owned GW, Sisters probably had to wear burkhas instead of Power Armour, and had to walk some ten meters behind every man in this galaxy...including lowly IG soldiers

aka_tizz wrote:Don't worry, it could've been worse. For instance, if Arab radicals owned GW, Sisters probably had to wear burkhas instead of Power Armour, and had to walk some ten meters behind every man in this galaxy...including lowly IG soldiers

You want this topic to get locked?>_<

ROFL on a demon world

Space_Potato wrote:
Ask a sister of battle to eat another Sister of Battle

S_P

fixed.

I'd do that.

ask a space marine if they liked 'star wasrs' movies

ask a blood raven if he like the kaurava campain

ask a CSM if he know Just Cause 2 (you can destroy all) (its a game for Pc, Xbox360....)

ask khorne if you can sit on his skull throne

Ask if you can get your nose done and your cheekbones raised when ascending to daemonhood.

Don't charge an enemy line screaming "WULULULULULULULULULULULULULULUL!".

person person wrote:Ask if you can get your nose done and your cheekbones raised when ascending to daemonhood.

If you're worshipping Slaanesh I don't see why not...

Get groovy with a SoB who is eating another SoB

Dress up as Abandon and actually WIN a battle.

Yeah, 14 times-in-a-row Loser of The Black Crusade prize.
Something no one has ever achieved and something i believe no one will ever achieve again cause they can't go anywhere near his know-how of losing a war...Abaddon rulezzzz!!!!

When facing rioting civilians, cultist, or the occasional xeno ground troops, thou shalt not turn to thy female companion(s) and ask them to "show some leg" in order to distract the enemy, less you wish to pee sitting down for the rest of your life.

Anshal wrote:Dress up as Abandon and actually WIN a battle.

LOL, The CSM would think its heresy! There'd need to be new word to describe when a Chaos follower thinks something is heretical (against Chaos), like Cha-resy, or FAIL!

Abaddon (after his first vicorious black Crusade): Guys, we won this battle!!
CSM´s:What, we won?!
Abaddon.Yes,we wo!
CSM´s:That´s heresy!!
Abaddon:No it isn`t heresy. It was a fair victory.
CSM´s:"clack" (Bolter reloading), then shot
Abaddon:Crrrrreeeeeeeeeeed!!!
Creed (tactical genius):HAHA! I love it to let infiltrate CSM with some kasrkin!


And this after he killed Abaddon:


(This he do always)

yeah....wait, what?!

cadian512 wrote:yeah....wait, what?!

outflanking a stripclub into the imperial guard? tha must have taken some sort of tacti- CREEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!

Not this creedthing again... We've had enough of this...

Thou shall not knock on a dreadnought and say "hello? anybody home?".


You should not tell a Blood Angel that the Sanguinor is a daemon!
Nor should you tell a Death company marine that it is stupid to want to die.

Anshal wrote:Get groovy with a SoB who is eating another SoB

.

Holy Holy I'd most DEFINITELY risk this one big time!!!!!!!

Commissar NIkev wrote:

Anshal wrote:Get groovy with a SoB who is eating another SoB

.

Holy Holy I'd most DEFINITELY risk this one big time!!!!!!!

dont worry, CREEEEEEEEEEEEEED! will help you outflank into that situation

Use a deodorant as a fuel for flamer.

it might just work....wait a minute..... *bang*......didnt work......that must have taken some sort of tact-CREEEEEEEEEDDD!!!!!!!!

Saintspirit wrote:Not this creedthing again... We've had enough of this...

Agreed.


Insult a rogue trader's very expensive xeno-mesh armour.
Have a staring contest with a navigator.
Take my gaming group's missionary anywhere that is even the slightest bit flamable...

play with manipulated dices a w40k game, only if you are a champion of TZEENTCH

PS:where we had enough of this "creedthing"????????????????

Play chess with a Farseer.

Tell a great unclean one to brush his teeth.

Take a kroot hound out for a walk.

Tell an Avatar to wash his bloody hands.

Pet a nurgling

I like how my *ahem* "totally innocent" comments got turned into something so perverse

S_P

I don't know why people get tired of Creed jokes?

someone must be doing this.

but what kind of person would make people sick of Cre...CREEEEED

dont know, but we must save this threat against off.topics or get locked by the moderators.

SO: dont make sh**

Don't ever get a speeding ticket. they will jack your insurance premiums up like you wouldn't belive.

DUIHs are the worst(Driving Under the Influence of Heresy) there is a ton of legal work, fines into the triple digits, trial, then the execution. its bad.

Allow Relic (game company) to allow master crafted frag grenades.

Declare your intentions to break away from the imperium.
Build a couch fort and say "Im invincible!"

Fire a rocket launcher at your feet!

Drop rocket launcher ammo on a plasma gun!

Run out of ammo!

Lose The Game.
or Divide by zero

be the choosen one to fight against the tyranids

Fire a plasma gun.
Return a book past it's due date. (According to one of the DH books, that's an offense punishable by death or serving in the Penal legions.)

- Ask the local Commissar who watches over *him*
- Attend a Kroot barbecue
- Allow a ship whose transponder codes are fishy and who's not responding to "repeated vox hails" to dock with your ship, or for that matter, get anywhere close to your ship
- Leave the car windows down when you travel through the Warp
- File a complaint against the Ad Mech for not advancing battlefield technology beyond a year 3500AD level
- Engage Dark Eldar forces *without* a standard-issue thought-activated false cyanide tooth
- Ask why the Ad Mech doesn't open source their software

drive in a warpstorm

Read George orwells 1984 and get ideas about a political revolution

Ask an Inquisitor if he has heard about Jesus.

- GO for a drink with a blood angel

- Give A sanginary guard a nipple twist

- Eat Ork Magic mushrooms

- Play poker with Eldrad

- Tell Kharne he needs a time out

do ANYTHING to get into a Penal Legion......Unless your just that dumb and want to join one.

PS: Never read any of the Last Chancers but I doubt your Penal Service would be that cool.

Try to fight Grey Knight Brother Captain C. Norris

doubled wrote:Try to fight Grey Knight Brother Captain C. Norris

CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!

Have sexual relations with a Emperors children champion.

Try mouth to mouth on a Death Guard Marine

drop the soap in the Space Wolf shower facility

Thou shalt not taunt the IG weapons, even if they are crap.
Thou shalt not transmit images of scantily clad SOB through the astropath.
Thou shalt not describe the machine spirit as 'cruise control'.
Thou shalt not dress up as a khorne beserker and shout boo at a grey knight 'for laughs'.
Thou shalt not mistake scarabs for a boogie board.
Thou shalt not use flamers as novelty toasters, nor shalt thou use the chainfist as a tin opener.

Lastly, thou shalt not shout 'THONGS FOR THE THONG GOD' around DE else thou wish to learn the true meaning of pain.




Automatically Appended Next Post:

Anshal wrote:drop the soap in the Space Wolf shower facility

not cool.

Anshal wrote:

drop the soap in the Space Wolf shower facility

they have shower facilities?

i thought they just licked themselves clean

Grey Templar wrote:

Anshal wrote:

drop the soap in the Space Wolf shower facility

they have shower facilities?

i thought they just licked themselves clean

nuuuuuuuu!! not the evil mental images.............

MY EYES!!!

i hear they can reach "that spot"

Grey Templar wrote:i hear they can reach "that spot"

*a mental movie starts playing and drives me slowly insane*

NOOOOOOoooOOOOOooOOoooOOOoOooooOO!!

shas'o vera wrote:

Grey Templar wrote:i hear they can reach "that spot"

*a mental movie starts playing and drives me slowly insane*

NOOOOOOoooOOOOOooOOoooOOOoOooooOO!!

Oh yes, prepare to be penetrated by the followers of Slaanesh, you look cute n that outfit I must say

Don`t lick a Nurgel marines armpits

Anshal wrote:

shas'o vera wrote:

Grey Templar wrote:i hear they can reach "that spot"

*a mental movie starts playing and drives me slowly insane*

NOOOOOOoooOOOOOooOOoooOOOoOooooOO!!

Oh yes, prepare to be penetrated by the followers of Slaanesh, you look cute n that outfit I must say

Don`t lick a Nurgel marines armpits

AAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! THE HORROR'S....... THE HORROR'S......

did someone mention Horrors?

Pink horrors of Tzeeench


welcome to chaos, Shas'o Vera. Lord of pelvic thrusting

shas'o vera wrote:

Anshal wrote:

shas'o vera wrote:

Grey Templar wrote:i hear they can reach "that spot"

*a mental movie starts playing and drives me slowly insane*

NOOOOOOoooOOOOOooOOoooOOOoOooooOO!!

Oh yes, prepare to be penetrated by the followers of Slaanesh, you look cute n that outfit I must say

Don`t lick a Nurgel marines armpits

AAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! THE HORROR'S....... THE HORROR'S......

Yes resistanceis futile mortal. You have a appointment at 2400 with a lord of peneration... ops i meant keeper of secrets

Kiss a nurgling while Kharn gives you a backroom rub in the shower

kiss kharn and say 'there there, you wont be angry forever'

kiss a plaguebearer on his mouth...

kiss an IG commissar when he will execute you

kiss a sob

kiss a necron

kiss an female farseer

play W40k with khorne or tzeentch

Necronlord2 wrote:
play W40k with khorne or tzeentch

Pretty much any godlike entity - nay, pretty much anyone above you in the food chain - in the 40K Universe would make for a vary uninspired choice of gaming partner, really. Come to think of it, between being brutally disemboweled, slowly driven to insanity, tormented for all eternity, or simply killed with fire, I really can't find any incentives for playing in the first place. And I won't even mention the things that might happen if you actually win a game - perish the thought...

garret wrote:its self explanatory really

1: whistle at a sob
2:then tell here her but looks big in that armor

Tell a commissar the Emperor sucks!

Lupe wrote:

Necronlord2 wrote:
play W40k with khorne or tzeentch

Pretty much any godlike entity - nay, pretty much anyone above you in the food chain - in the 40K Universe would make for a vary uninspired choice of gaming partner, really. Come to think of it, between being brutally disemboweled, slowly driven to insanity, tormented for all eternity, or simply killed with fire, I really can't find any incentives for playing in the first place. And I won't even mention the things that might happen if you actually win a game - perish the thought...

Well Bud

We play because Commissars like myself either get a pistol that goes *Freem Freem* *BANG BANG* or *PHISH --(Time till it gets to its target)--FSHHHHH*

If you can't get the guns then they are
Las-pistol
Bolt Pistol
Plasma Pistol

^.^

Freem? Everyone knows flashlights make quite little clicky nosies!

Well Good sir! My Las-pistol is not some guard issue pistol....I am a commissar after all. They wouldn't give me crap weapons. They save that for the Cannon Fodder I Inspire ^.^

Dress up in a cat suit and run through a SW camp, ship, or planet.

Try to fix your own car, messing with the "machine spirit" will get you shot. Guess its no new spark plugs then.

vagorin wrote:[code]Tell a commissar the Emperor sucks!

HEY!

COMMISSAR NIKEV!!

THE EMPEROR SUCKS!

shas'o vera wrote:

vagorin wrote:[code]Tell a commissar the Emperor sucks!

HEY!

COMMISSAR NIKEV!!

THE EMPEROR SUCKS!

Roflmao!


*loads bolt pistol* "alright you know the deal....line up against the wall."

nice one

Thou shalt not provide a link to Tv Tropes, guardsman/space marines have little free time as is.
Thou shalt not use thy vox caster to make prank calls.
I don't care which army you're in, saying the word "lol", "omg", or "fail" will have you executed.
Wear thy helmet in brain leaf infested areas, I don't care how itchy it is.
Yes the penance engine pilot is single, no you may not ask them out.
Thou shalt not ask why there are no more jet bikes in the guard army. Or Skarboys in the Ork army. Or...
Thou shall not call Blood Angel "Twitards" to their face. Behind their backs either, those fething vampires have damn good hearing.

and don't introduce space marines to 40k minies either.

they might be tempted to play chaos.

Commissar NIkev wrote:

shas'o vera wrote:

vagorin wrote:[code]Tell a commissar the Emperor sucks!

HEY!

COMMISSAR NIKEV!!

THE EMPEROR SUCKS!

Roflmao!


*loads bolt pistol* "alright you know the deal....line up against the wall."

he still sucks

Luke_Prowler wrote:Thou shalt not provide a link to Tv Tropes, guardsman/space marines have little free time as is.

This is awesome.

>.>

Send it to chaos instead.

Whatever you do, DO NOT accept a Blood Claw's challenge to a drinking match if you aren't a Space Marine yourself. You will die an agonising and extremely embarrassing death.

Gorskar.da.Lost wrote:Whatever you do, DO NOT accept a Blood Claw's challenge to a drinking match if you aren't a Space Marine yourself. You will die an agonising and extremely embarrassing death.

Don't accept a Long Fang's challenge to a Drinking Contest. Period.

Gwar! wrote:

Gorskar.da.Lost wrote:Whatever you do, DO NOT accept a Blood Claw's challenge to a drinking match if you aren't a Space Marine yourself. You will die an agonising and extremely embarrassing death.

Don't accept a Long Fang's challenge to a Drinking Contest. Period.

On the other hand, they will be a good laugh for a while.

Luke_Prowler wrote:Thou shalt not use thy vox caster to make prank calls.

*vox crackles* Err, Commissar, I have a question.
*Commissar returns* Go ahead trooper.
*vox crackles, giggling heard* Well Commissar, how many Inquisitors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
*Commissar* Emperor damn it trooper, I'm three feet away... *cocks pistol*

Also, Thou shalt not produce a draft script for a sitcom featuring the great Chaos lords entitled "The Traitors"

not my idea btw, taken from this thread - http://www.hammerofwar.org/board/index.php?showtopic=823

S_P

Space_Potato wrote:

Luke_Prowler wrote:Thou shalt not use thy vox caster to make prank calls.

*vox crackles* Err, Commissar, I have a question.
*Commissar returns* Go ahead trooper.
*vox crackles, giggling heard* Well Commissar, how many Inquisitors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
*Commissar* Emperor damn it trooper, I'm three feet away... *cocks pistol*

*Vox Crackles* Commissar, we have a situation here.
*Comissar* What is it, trooper?
*Vox*...is your fridge running?
*Commissar* Why, yes it is. But what does that ha -
*Vox* Well, you'd better go catch it then! *End Vox*
*Commissar*.....sigh.....
*Commissar voxes HQ* Hi, Bob? It's me. I'd like to request a transfer to another regiment, please. Yes, it's happened again. No, it was the fridge one this time.

Thou shalt not be a Vox Officer of the Field! YOU ARE THE FIELD!

Gorskar.da.Lost wrote:

Space_Potato wrote:

Luke_Prowler wrote:Thou shalt not use thy vox caster to make prank calls.

*vox crackles* Err, Commissar, I have a question.
*Commissar returns* Go ahead trooper.
*vox crackles, giggling heard* Well Commissar, how many Inquisitors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
*Commissar* Emperor damn it trooper, I'm three feet away... *cocks pistol*

*Vox Crackles* Commissar, we have a situation here.
*Comissar* What is it, trooper?
*Vox*...is your fridge running?
*Commissar* Why, yes it is. But what does that ha -
*Vox* Well, you'd better go catch it then! *End Vox*
*Commissar*.....sigh.....
*Commissar voxes HQ* Hi, Bob? It's me. I'd like to request a transfer to another regiment, please. Yes, it's happened again. No, it was the fridge one this time.

how much are you betting that thats commissar nikev?

Secretly its him requetsing transfer from naruke II
And its Afi on a leman russ's vox!
For those of you who dont get it read "war of attrition"

VikingScott wrote:Secretly its him requetsing transfer from naruke II
And its Afi on a leman russ's vox!
For those of you who dont get it read "war of attrition"

dont worry, awesome marine leroy jenkins wil beat those troops to a pulp

Wha?
Leroy beat up Afi?
NOOO, He jump in hellhammer an roll over youuu!!!

Gorskar.da.Lost wrote:

*Vox Crackles* Commissar, we have a situation here.
*Comissar* What is it, trooper?
*Vox*...is your fridge running?
*Commissar* Why, yes it is. But what does that ha -
*Vox* Well, you'd better go catch it then! *End Vox*
*Commissar*.....sigh.....
*Commissar voxes HQ* Hi, Bob? It's me. I'd like to request a transfer to another regiment, please. Yes, it's happened again. No, it was the fridge one this time.

this is going straight to my sig, instant classic.

shas'o vera wrote:

Gorskar.da.Lost wrote:

Space_Potato wrote:

Luke_Prowler wrote:Thou shalt not use thy vox caster to make prank calls.

*vox crackles* Err, Commissar, I have a question.
*Commissar returns* Go ahead trooper.
*vox crackles, giggling heard* Well Commissar, how many Inquisitors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
*Commissar* Emperor damn it trooper, I'm three feet away... *cocks pistol*

*Vox Crackles* Commissar, we have a situation here.
*Comissar* What is it, trooper?
*Vox*...is your fridge running?
*Commissar* Why, yes it is. But what does that ha -
*Vox* Well, you'd better go catch it then! *End Vox*
*Commissar*.....sigh.....
*Commissar voxes HQ* Hi, Bob? It's me. I'd like to request a transfer to another regiment, please. Yes, it's happened again. No, it was the fridge one this time.

how much are you betting that thats commissar nikev?

*sigh* Damned Guardsmen -_-

Never push the red button evverrr
give an ork a shower
surf a warp storm
locate the primarchs
(it'll drive you insane)

make posts while siblings watch cartoons
forget to check the last post date while doing an archive crawl

If you can surf a warp storm, then you deserve mass respect, man.

Necronlord2 wrote:
kiss a sob

kiss an female farseer

...what in the Emperor's name is wrong with you?

I say do.

Both at once, if possible.

Commissar NIkev wrote:

shas'o vera wrote:

Gorskar.da.Lost wrote:

Space_Potato wrote:

Luke_Prowler wrote:Thou shalt not use thy vox caster to make prank calls.

*vox crackles* Err, Commissar, I have a question.
*Commissar returns* Go ahead trooper.
*vox crackles, giggling heard* Well Commissar, how many Inquisitors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
*Commissar* Emperor damn it trooper, I'm three feet away... *cocks pistol*

*Vox Crackles* Commissar, we have a situation here.
*Comissar* What is it, trooper?
*Vox*...is your fridge running?
*Commissar* Why, yes it is. But what does that ha -
*Vox* Well, you'd better go catch it then! *End Vox*
*Commissar*.....sigh.....
*Commissar voxes HQ* Hi, Bob? It's me. I'd like to request a transfer to another regiment, please. Yes, it's happened again. No, it was the fridge one this time.

how much are you betting that thats commissar nikev?

*sigh* Damned Guardsmen -_-

*vox crackles* I
*commissar* damn it not this again
*vox* AM
*commissar* soldier stand down
*vox* LEORY...... JENKINS!!!

...what in the Emperor's name is wrong with you?

ask the emperor, he know it

The big red button in your shadowsword.... the one set in a glass case.. with lots of flashing warning lights... yea... push that ;p

Owain wrote:

Necronlord2 wrote:
kiss a sob

kiss an female farseer

...what in the Emperor's name is wrong with you?

I say do.

Both at once, if possible.

Am I the only one thinking that the average human only has one mouth?
PURGE THE MUTANT!!!!

Things not to do as a Guardsman:
Put any money away for retirement.

fallen_wolfborn wrote:

Owain wrote:

Necronlord2 wrote:
kiss a sob

kiss an female farseer

...what in the Emperor's name is wrong with you?

I say do.

Both at once, if possible.

Am I the only one thinking that the average human only has one mouth?
PURGE THE MUTANT!!!!

did the average human join the chaos goods?

PURGE THE HERETIC!!!!!

PS: its better to be an mutant (psyonican) than an heretic

Necronlord2 wrote:

fallen_wolfborn wrote:

Owain wrote:

Necronlord2 wrote:
kiss a sob

kiss an female farseer

...what in the Emperor's name is wrong with you?

I say do.

Both at once, if possible.

Am I the only one thinking that the average human only has one mouth?
PURGE THE MUTANT!!!!

did the average human join the chaos goods?

PURGE THE HERETIC!!!!!

PS: its better to be an mutant (psyonican) than an heretic

touche.

fallen_wolfborn wrote:

Owain wrote:

Necronlord2 wrote:
kiss a sob

kiss an female farseer

...what in the Emperor's name is wrong with you?

I say do.

Both at once, if possible.

Am I the only one thinking that the average human only has one mouth?
PURGE THE MUTANT!!!!

You do a 3way kiss.
simple effective and fun!!

I don't know, I think I'd be much happier telling one to make me a sammich and the other to get me a beer...

metallifan wrote:I don't know, I think I'd be much happier telling one to make me a sammich and the other to get me a beer...

THIS
EPIC WIN!

shas'o vera wrote:

Commissar NIkev wrote:

shas'o vera wrote:

Gorskar.da.Lost wrote:

Space_Potato wrote:

Luke_Prowler wrote:Thou shalt not use thy vox caster to make prank calls.

*vox crackles* Err, Commissar, I have a question.
*Commissar returns* Go ahead trooper.
*vox crackles, giggling heard* Well Commissar, how many Inquisitors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
*Commissar* Emperor damn it trooper, I'm three feet away... *cocks pistol*

*Vox Crackles* Commissar, we have a situation here.
*Comissar* What is it, trooper?
*Vox*...is your fridge running?
*Commissar* Why, yes it is. But what does that ha -
*Vox* Well, you'd better go catch it then! *End Vox*
*Commissar*.....sigh.....
*Commissar voxes HQ* Hi, Bob? It's me. I'd like to request a transfer to another regiment, please. Yes, it's happened again. No, it was the fridge one this time.

how much are you betting that thats commissar nikev?

*sigh* Damned Guardsmen -_-

*vox crackles* I
*commissar* damn it not this again
*vox* AM
*commissar* soldier stand down
*vox* LEORY...... JENKINS!!!

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD

VikingScott wrote:You do a 3way kiss.
simple effective and fun!!

Hey, look! Someone understood my post!



Here's one: in the 40k universe, NEVER ask for directions. You'll always get snubbed, shot, eaten, or given three answers, all of which are true and terrible to hear.

Space_Potato wrote:

Luke_Prowler wrote:Thou shalt not use thy vox caster to make prank calls.

*vox crackles* Err, Commissar, I have a question.
*Commissar returns* Go ahead trooper.
*vox crackles, giggling heard* Well Commissar, how many Inquisitors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
*Commissar* Emperor damn it trooper, I'm three feet away... *cocks pistol*

Also, Thou shalt not produce a draft script for a sitcom featuring the great Chaos lords entitled "The Traitors"

not my idea btw, taken from this thread - http://www.hammerofwar.org/board/index.php?showtopic=823

S_P

LMAO!!! Uncle Bob one was awesome.

Owain wrote:

VikingScott wrote:You do a 3way kiss.
simple effective and fun!!

Hey, look! Someone understood my post!



Here's one: in the 40k universe, NEVER ask for directions. You'll always get snubbed, shot, eaten, or given three answers, all of which are true and terrible to hear.

Hell yeah I understood it! *High Five!*

I would like to point out of course that anyone who thinks that a farseer would into them is dead in 40k.
and as for SOB, she kick ur figurative asses scott and owain. soz

ride on a HIEROPHANT BIO TITAN

ask the tau if they are kommunists

In the middle of a firefight perform the following actions and sing the song.
- Put your hands up! They're playing your song! The butterflies fly away.
~ Move your hips like Yea! Nod your head like yea!.




Automatically Appended Next Post:
Things not to do......
Introduce Miley Cyrus to a country......It will cause the country to have no Commissars because they will execute themselves so they don't have to listen to her.

Hehehe. I guess in that instance, the guardsmen would want to be executed. Ironic turn of events eh?

*adopts Dr. Evil voice* Don't hump the laser!

S_P

Commissar NIkev wrote:
Things not to do......
Introduce Miley Cyrus to a country......It will cause the country to have no Commissars because they will execute themselves so they don't have to listen to her.

Miley Cyrus would cause a Chaplin to fall back, and only one who has the power to deal with her is taking an eternal dump on a Golden Throne.

Kervin wrote:

Commissar NIkev wrote:
Things not to do......
Introduce Miley Cyrus to a country......It will cause the country to have no Commissars because they will execute themselves so they don't have to listen to her.

Miley Cyrus would cause a Chaplin to fall back, and only one who has the power to deal with her is taking an eternal dump on a Golden Throne.

At this point i'm not sure wheteher ur complimenting or insulting her...

fallen_wolfborn wrote:

Kervin wrote:

Commissar NIkev wrote:
Things not to do......
Introduce Miley Cyrus to a country......It will cause the country to have no Commissars because they will execute themselves so they don't have to listen to her.

Miley Cyrus would cause a Chaplin to fall back, and only one who has the power to deal with her is taking an eternal dump on a Golden Throne.

At this point i'm not sure wheteher ur complimenting or insulting her...

What I was getting at is the only one that could stop her in the 40k universe is the emperor and his is talking an eternal dump on a Golden Throne. I failed on trying to get birds with one stone.

Ask a Khorne Berserker why we can't all just be friends.

Sleep Walk on a battle barge engine room.

Kervin wrote:

fallen_wolfborn wrote:

Kervin wrote:

Commissar NIkev wrote:
Things not to do......
Introduce Miley Cyrus to a country......It will cause the country to have no Commissars because they will execute themselves so they don't have to listen to her.

Miley Cyrus would cause a Chaplin to fall back, and only one who has the power to deal with her is taking an eternal dump on a Golden Throne.

At this point i'm not sure wheteher ur complimenting or insulting her...

What I was getting at is the only one that could stop her in the 40k universe is the emperor and his is talking an eternal dump on a Golden Throne. I failed on trying to get birds with one stone.

As far as I know.......I got it.....so you did not fail in your attempt at a joke....cause I laughed. XD

*glaces over his should*
No Commissars is a bad thing?
*coughs a little*
Say these three words...
I.
Give.
Up.

Ouch.....if Technically I wasn't dead....I may be offended with that. but I'm in a better place filled with things that make me happy so........ehh.

Ask Karn the Betrayer how his friends are.

Shout 13-0 to Abaddon.

The Fallen Raven wrote:Shout 13-0 to Abaddon.

Win ;p

Talk to Blood Angels about Twilight.

Ask a Blood Angel why he doesn't shimmer in the sun.

Park your car in front of a Baneblade.

Name a Cyberskull Yorick.

Call an Eversor Assassin a Necron.

Necroman wrote:
Name a Cyberskull Yorick.

Or Morte

Son Of Horus wrote:Talk to Blood Angels about Twilight.

Ask a Blood Angel why he doesn't shimmer in the sun.

XD ROFL!

Talk about twilight at all is something not to do.

I second that Mozzyfuzzy

Whats wrong with talking about Twi-BLAM, Purged by order of the Inquisition

Hold an un-authorized tupperware party in your basement. An inquisitor will think your starting a cult.

When you become a Titan pilot, you are no longer allowed to make Mecha Anime references.

Do not load bug spray into a bolter when fighting tyranids.
DO NOT CARRY BUG SPRAY WHEN FIGHTING TYRANIDS.
Do not wear massive boots that could kill a tyranid.( power boots!)
Do not attempt to make a fly swatter a power swatter.

Get lost in the under city of a Hive.
Go on a space hulk unless you are in power armor.
Go on a ship or station that stopped communicating with HQ if you are a guardsman.

EmpBobo wrote:
Go on a ship or station that stopped communicating with HQ if you are a guardsman.

Well, do it, and hope the reason they stopped communicating is that they were too drunk and high to hear the vox...

Go to Commorag and say you like suprises in the nigth
Drop the soap in the Slaaneshi Marine shower
Lick a lictor
Eat tasty green mushrooms on armagedon

Take on a face eating squig contest.

Never mention any square based game in front of anyone...because you will be shot...many, many times

wrong, people play Regicide all the time.

Don't take a Tyranid to an all-you-can-eat buffet

Beer_&_Bolters wrote:Don't take a Tyranid to an all-you-can-eat buffet

Who would be stupid enough to do that???
*hides a gaunt behind him*
/joke

NEVER! EVER! EVER! sing

I'm late! I'm late! For a very Important date! No time to say hello, good bye. I'm very very late!

Infront of ANYONE.

Thou shalt not date the hawt chick with claws.

Saintspirit wrote:Thou shalt not date the hawt chick with claws.

But what about a SoB with power claws?

An SoB with Power Legs seems enticing enough though

aka_tizz wrote:An SoB with Power Legs seems enticing enough though

Not if she's referred to as "Sister Thunder Thighs". Then I want no part of it.

metallifan wrote:

aka_tizz wrote:An SoB with Power Legs seems enticing enough though

Not if she's referred to as "Sister Thunder Thighs". Then I want no part of it.

Then you get your Brother Storm Shield on and go for it

aka_tizz wrote:

metallifan wrote:

aka_tizz wrote:An SoB with Power Legs seems enticing enough though

Not if she's referred to as "Sister Thunder Thighs". Then I want no part of it.

Then you get your Brother Storm Shield on and go for it

Power Armoured Jimmy-Caps eh? You might be on to something there...



Whoop. Never mind. Someone beat you to it

Kervin wrote:

Saintspirit wrote:Thou shalt not date the hawt chick with claws.

But what about a SoB with power claws?

I don't think a SoB would be accepted if she was orky. Nor if she was Yarr-icky.

FREEMraider with attached power plant

metallifan wrote:

aka_tizz wrote:

metallifan wrote:

aka_tizz wrote:An SoB with Power Legs seems enticing enough though

Not if she's referred to as "Sister Thunder Thighs". Then I want no part of it.

Then you get your Brother Storm Shield on and go for it

Power Armoured Jimmy-Caps eh? You might be on to something there...



Whoop. Never mind. Someone beat you to it

LOOOOOOL "The Emperor Protects"=))))))
I got beaten to it because for some unknown reasons Mozilla refused to show last reply (maybe it felt offended )

Damn it, 10 min and i'm still laughing

rofl

Bringing home a genestealer to meet the family and show your parents that they are going to be grandparents!

(or did we all just forget genestealers rape people to make weird hybrids..)

Petting a wolf guard.

Telling the blood angels everything will be alright and to just count to ten.

Watering the Necrons.

Getting into a fist fight with a fire warrior.. Well you should probly do that, make yourself feel good.

Shatter.proof wrote:Bringing home a genestealer to meet the family and show your parents that they are going to be grandparents!

(or did we all just forget genestealers rape people to make weird hybrids..)

O.O please tell me you are BSing!
But if your not.........*Vomits all over the place*.......Thats gross....=/

Genestealers primary funcution is to be intergalactic sexual offendors.

......I don't know if your being truthful.....but...... if so.......gross.......

Not the genestealers themselves. They always leave one surviver who become increaslingly horny and gets a raging hard-on for anything in sight. Think of them as a bunch of screaming, scratching testosterones. This is actually fact.

Basically one of them jams it's diddley stick down your throat and fires off Genestealer seeds into your chest that somehow affect your babies down the road.

Pretty fethed up stuff.

O.O ............gross........Thanks for telling me this =/
I definitely know now that I should just kill myself if I'm going to lose a fight with a genestealer.....

thats just normal Genestealers.

you don't even want to know what Yrmgal's do with those tenticals.

you know i was actualy trying to forget about the 'stealers 'little secrets' thnks a lot people!

*vomits at the thought of tentacle porn*

Tease a SM librarian with magic tricks

Things not to do in the 40k universe:
Live in the 40k universe.
That is all.

Dont use the bathroom after a Plague Marine has been in there.

I wouldn't use a bathroom in the 40K universe, period.

Being as GRIMDARK as it is, the toilet is probably an oversized human skull, and the seat would likely be covered in spikes and barbed wire.

Do not:

Enter any room with the lights turned off.

Entertain the idea that your Lasgun is anything but an overpowered flashlight.

Bother putting on your Flak vest, your not fooling anyone.

Ask for artillery support, it always falls short.

Hide behind a tank, It'll probably reverse.

Follow any advice in your Imperial Infantrymans Uplifting Primer. For Example:
Orks:
"Orks are cowards"
"Orks may seem to be heavily muscled, but the fact is their muscle tissue is not as dense as a human's. In actuality they are considerably weaker than the average man, despite what their appearance suggests."
"After they have seen you with a loaded Lasgun and a smile on your face, you can shoot them in the back as they run away"
Genestealers: "are generally slow and sluggish, and have been seen to attack their own breatheren when panicked"
Have "puny claws"
Eldar:
"Eldar technology is antiquated"
"Be assured, if caught in a more even match these spineless sluggards will turn tail and run!"
Tau:
"Beware of the Tau! They will sacrifice your babies to their gods!"
"Tau have hollow bones. Their limbs will break easily under little applied pressure"
"Tau have poor eye sight. Anything over ten meters away is a blur"
"Tau are frightened by Fire"
"Tau are frightened by Water"
"Tau are frightened by Thunder"

For the sake of your own health do not point out any of these discrepancies to a Commissar

As an Inquisitor do not utter the words "I, like God, do not play with dice and I don't believe in coincidences" when conducting an investigation. It won't end well trust me.

Throw eggs at a CSM Defiler

Ask the emperor if hes fried or roasted

tell nurgle he smell gud

tell khorne red is outdated

Be a Poor_Fething_Guardsmen with a generic name.

@Poor_Fething_Guardsmen - You don't have a generic name do you?

Land on the 'Rock' and go up the tower or sing 'everybody hurts' to a dark angel

Challenge Marneus Calgar to an arm wrestling match.

Commissar NIkev wrote:Be a Poor_Fething_Guardsmen with a generic name.

@Poor_Fething_Guardsmen - You don't have a generic name do you?

No my names actually quite unique

Attempt to head-butt your way through the front armour of a land raider

S_P

get a gigantic, lightsaber wielding, dark-side powered titan with the voice of James Earl Jones.

Hide behind a skimmer for cover.

slushy112 wrote:Hide behind a skimmer for cover.

tie yourself to the back of the skimmer for cover

that too.

Poor_Fething_Guardsman wrote:

Commissar NIkev wrote:Be a Poor_Fething_Guardsmen with a generic name.

@Poor_Fething_Guardsmen - You don't have a generic name do you?

No my names actually quite unique

*phew* thats good. Guardsmen people don't have to worry about dieing almost as soon as a story starts. lol jk

Learn that you cannot breath in outer space.

Poor_Fething_Guardsman wrote:

Commissar NIkev wrote:Be a Poor_Fething_Guardsmen with a generic name.

@Poor_Fething_Guardsmen - You don't have a generic name do you?

No my names actually quite unique

Thats good......we don't want another Generic Guardsmen....they're no good ^.^


Try to have a Nurgling as a pet.

shas'o vera wrote:get a gigantic, lightsaber wielding, dark-side powered titan with the voice of James Earl Jones.

Don't get a gigantic, lightsaber wielding, dark-side powered titan with the voice of James Earl Jones.

Either way, you're screwed

S_P

What ever you do do not insult a Commissar By asking where is the Busty Commissar.

Asherian Command wrote:What ever you do do not insult a Commissar By asking where is the Busty Commissar.

No worries trooper. She is right here ^.^


But be warned....she's fiesty

Ask wheres the pen at the Emperors Adminstratium.
You Get lost on a Battle Barge.
Jay Walking on Terra.
Downloading Illegal mp3 music.
Being a cultist (except slaneesh).
Being a space marine.
Being a guardsmen.
Being ALIVE.

@ Asherian Command
Id have to argue that not being alive isn't so good though

Mozzyfuzzy wrote:@ Asherian Command
Id have to argue that not being alive isn't so good though

Thats a good point

What you would like to live in the 40k universe as there is no hope of surival?

Asherian Command wrote:What you would like to live in the 40k universe as there is no hope of surival?

I get a laser gun and the chance to kill anything I want. And if I survive for 3 minutes in a fight I become part of the plot. Also I get a laser gun.

Also never get drunk and start acting out of character around a sober commisar. Get him drunk first.

insideprawn wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:What you would like to live in the 40k universe as there is no hope of surival?

I get a laser gun and the chance to kill anything I want. And if I survive for 3 minutes in a fight I become part of the plot. Also I get a laser gun.

Also never get drunk and start acting out of character around a sober commisar. Get him drunk first.

Nice way of life there....But I think this guy says it better.

Give me a gun, a google-eyed alien to shoot it at, and I’ll die a happy man.

— Guardsman Franx +++

Quoted from Lexicanum.com

See he doesn't say he wants to survive the encounter intact or even alive. I happen to want to survive and get some awesome augmentations after those three minutes of running with death. Which brings us to the next piece on our list.
Never state you want to die or neglect to mention you want to live. The gods our real and enjoy being literal genies tricksters jerkasses people the English language can not hope to describe meaningfully.

True...True....But you have to remember the whole reason for a guardsman being there is to fight and die in the Emperors Service.

-PROBLEM!- You said you want an augmentation but don't want to be intact......I don't think that possible. Is it?


Never swim in a water source you just found on a previously Nurgle infected world....Even if the water looks clean.

Commissar NIkev wrote:True...True....But you have to remember the whole reason for a guardsman being there is to fight and die in the Emperors Service.

-PROBLEM!- You said you want an augmentation but don't want to be intact......I don't think that possible. Is it?

You do realize most augments especially muscle boosts and skeletal enhancements require you to give up some body parts?

Also if you are an Ork never get the biggest or shootiest gun possible. Even if ammo is not a concern having the best weapon means that you will shortly be giving up the will to live due to having nothing more to live for.

Say to commissar Gaunt that tanith is still alive and you own it.

Have a foot race an ork bike.

Accidently paint you chapter the same as a CSM chapter.

Play kill the geanstealer with you hands.

Have a foot race with the emperor and when he runs his life support unplugs.

Commissar NIkev wrote:

Poor_Fething_Guardsman wrote:

Commissar NIkev wrote:Be a Poor_Fething_Guardsmen with a generic name.

@Poor_Fething_Guardsmen - You don't have a generic name do you?

No my names actually quite unique

*phew* thats good. Guardsmen people don't have to worry about dieing almost as soon as a story starts. lol jk

Guardsman John Smith reporting for duty... OH SHI---

insideprawn wrote:

Commissar NIkev wrote:True...True....But you have to remember the whole reason for a guardsman being there is to fight and die in the Emperors Service.

-PROBLEM!- You said you want an augmentation but don't want to be intact......I don't think that possible. Is it?

You do realize most augments especially muscle boosts and skeletal enhancements require you to give up some body parts?

Wait...thats what I was trying to say to you but I worded it wrong. you said you want to be completely intact. But you want to get enhanced.......
Okay, I corrected it.

@Poor_Fething_Guardsman - ROFL!


Go on a peace mission to the Eye of Terror

expect to come back from the eye of terror

Expecting to live in the 40k universe.

Expecting to get out of a retreival mission alive.

You are a pilot of a Thunder Hawk in a Orbital Drop!

Be Tau

Fight guard if you have epilepsy or are composed of shadow. If guard fight an energy absorbing race.

Put on your power armour and say i need to pee.

have a prty at the emperors and sumone spikes his fluids.

Commissar NIkev wrote:Be Tau

OI!!!

Hug a tyranid.

Hugging is never a good idea in 40k.

Kiss a Genestealer.

In the mouth.

but does that mean its okay to kiss them everywhere else?

and Yrrmgals don't have mouths.

Grey Templar wrote:but does that mean its okay to kiss them everywhere else?

and Yrrmgals don't have mouths.

That would be a good point... if it wasn't nids.

Grey Templar wrote:but does that mean its okay to kiss them everywhere else?

and Yrrmgals don't have mouths.

Just imagine you're making out with a squid, there's bound to be some mouthparts in there!

Also, don't make out with a squid

S_P

Space_Potato wrote:

Grey Templar wrote:but does that mean its okay to kiss them everywhere else?

and Yrrmgals don't have mouths.

Just imagine you're making out with a squid, there's bound to be some mouthparts in there!

Also, don't make out with a squid

S_P

Especially if that squid is from the 40k universe.

yeah, there's a beak in there somewhere.

also this applies to Squigs.

never kiss something that can fit your head in its mouth.

Doubting any SM primarch.

Ask a Slaanshi champion for a buttom suprise

Walk up to anyone and say "ya wanna go?"

Munch Munch! wrote:Walk up to anyone and say "ya wanna go?"

Choppa' to the face, choppa' to the face!!!!

Proclaim that you "hear voices" as a joke.

Tell the Commissar the ending of the movie he is about to watch.

*Trooper* "Watcha watchin'?"
*Commissar* "'The Inquisitor', Trooper"
*Trooper* "Oh my god, I love that movie. I still can't believe he turned out to be a radical"
*Commissar executes Trooper*
*Commissar picks up vox*
"Command, it's me again. Yeah, they did it again. No, it was 'The Inquisitor' this time."

Tell the Inquisitor the ending of the movie.

*Trooper* "Watcha watchin'?"
*Inquisitor* "'The Heresy'", soldier"
*Trooper* "Oh my god, I love that movie. I still can't believe he was framed by a cultist
*Inquisitor teleports out of the theater and orders exterminatus*
*Inquisitor picks up vox*
"Command, it's me again. Yeah, they did it again. No, it was 'The Heresy' this time."

Woo! More movies!

*Raises hand into high-five position for Munch Munch!*

S_P

Asherian Command wrote:
What ever you do do not insult a Commissar By asking where is the Busty Commissar.

Commisar NIkev wrote:
No worries trooper. She is right here ^.^


But be warned....she's fiesty

lol

Commisar NIkev wrote:
Be Tau

Shas`o vera wrote:
OI!!!

I only say:
be tau in close combat!

Necronlord wrote:I only say:
be tau in close combat!

Tell that to mine. GO CC SUITS. Charging a 2 casualty tactical squad with a BS and SD winning, causing them to run around 24" until they got out of 6" of my various suits, then charging a lone sergeant and killing him. Meanwhile his bikes doubled back and were facing 2 wounded suits and an unwounded suit with a melta, a plasma, a serg and an attack bike. No wounds suffered, wounded the attack bike and routed them off the board. Those suits then killed 4 of the routed 6 man tac squad (when shot at) just before they regrouped. Shas'O surviving in combat with a PF command squad member. Pathfinders charging scout bikes. Broadside charging just deepstruck landspeeders (go SAP) That was one whacky game.

Get ork society the wrong way round

Challenge a Space Wolf to a game of 'Bar Fight'...

Spray Gaz in the eye with fungicide

Call an Inquisitor 'bigotted' to his face

Fart during a Space Marine chapel service

Sandyman11 wrote:Get ork society the wrong way round

Silly Sandymann11 ^.^ Orks don't have a society

Ask a slaaneshi anything and/or de if they like to play roleplaying games.

Comment on how much you dislike MEQs while talking to Guilliman.

Space_Potato wrote:Woo! More movies!

*Raises hand into high-five position for Munch Munch!*

S_P

*Munch replies and smashes his hand into the screen as he fails to give an internetz high five.*

O'shovah wrote:
Tell that to mine. GO CC SUITS. Charging a 2 casualty tactical squad with a BS and SD winning, causing them to run around 24" until they got out of 6" of my various suits, then charging a lone sergeant and killing him. Meanwhile his bikes doubled back and were facing 2 wounded suits and an unwounded suit with a melta, a plasma, a serg and an attack bike. No wounds suffered, wounded the attack bike and routed them off the board. Those suits then killed 4 of the routed 6 man tac squad (when shot at) just before they regrouped. Shas'O surviving in combat with a PF command squad member. Pathfinders charging scout bikes. Broadside charging just deepstruck landspeeders (go SAP) That was one whacky game.

woah, must have been a fun game, i remember when i charged a full squad of ork boyz, a warboss and a wierd boy uing shas'O Shovah (yes, i used you) and 5 battlesuits. that was a fun game, i killed them, before they got the chance.

another thing, try using a land raider against firewarriors. i'll explain another time.

@ Munch Munch!

Take this; hopefully you can summon some gnomes to repair your screen



S_P

Ok lemme try again, get Ork....errr, heirachy (?) wrong

You could also try using a lasgun for laser eye surgery

Sandyman11 wrote:Ok lemme try again, get Ork....errr, heirachy (?) wrong

You could also try using a lascannon for laser eye surgery

Fix'd

S_P

mmmm...tyrannids and toast mmmm

Tell a Commisar that Ork boss poles do a better job than he does.

Mozzyfuzzy wrote:Tell a Commisar that Ork boss poles do a better job than he does.

This made me smile and silently laugh in class

Come to think of it, being anywhere NEAR a commisar.

Have an Ork for a Commisar.

Caelun Niveus wrote:Have an Ork for a Commisar.

O Emperor NO!
*racks bolt pistol*

Caelun Niveus wrote:Have a Commissar for an Ork.

fixed