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Granted! Unfortunately, this causes Antarctica to melt at a greatly accelerated rate.



I wish that exploding whales smelled better.

Granted..

You now smell like one and cannot smell them. They smell better.

Only downside. You now smell worse than a week of babies nappies In a sauna with some added rotten fish.

...

I wish my mobile phone got better signal.

Granted. The phone gets a strong signal, but it's located on top of a cell tower.

I wish to finish more miniatures.

Granted. They look like crap, but they're finished.

I wish for a living, non-malicious lawyer to help me word this, so I don't get screwed over by people corrupting my wishes.

Granted. Unfortunately, he charges so much for his services that you are driven to financial ruin.




I wish there were more birds in my yard.

Granted.. There bird song however is volume of a b52 taking off and you are quickly driven mad or deaf.

I wish Martian iron earth dried faster...

Granted! It dries the second you open pop the top and expose it to air.

I wish I had an everything Bagel with veggie cream cheese, thin tomato slices, capers and sliced, smoked Scottish Salmon on top, on a plate on my desk right next to me now.

Granted. However you find out after eating it, that it was cursed by all four of the Chaos gods.

I wish for a proof of concept on the wandering patterns of errand lime stone fragments.

Granted. It is written in a lost pictgraphic text no human has any cypher for or translation.

I wish my car was faster.

Granted. Your car accelerates to lightspeed and nukes a continent.

~

I wish that I could selectively erase memories.

Granted! Wait, what am I posting about...

I wish you remember then...
Ok.. This might not work out...

Granted. You are both locked into an endless temporal vortex of impossible logic and forgetfulness, which I then proceed to wish you out of.

You're welcome.

No wish. You get a Fish-Slap.

I wish to dole out many more fish-slaps in the next few days.

Hey wait a minute.
I wished them out of the vortex. Sheesh...
Having said that, I'm sure I needed a good fish slapping anyway.

Back on topic.. Granted. You find yourself caught up in a massive brawl at a major metropolitan fish market. Fish slaps for everyone!

I wish for something exciting to happen today.

Granted. Domething happend and Electrons have been excited. when they returned to their original energy level, photons they emmited in form of intense light burned your skin.

I wish people were less emotional and more rational.

Granted! Unfortunately the machines view our feeble attempts at rationality and the overthrow begins, thanks!

I wish for the new BBQ Smokehouse about to open around the corner from me gets a from the City inspectors today and is issued permits to open...BBQ, nom, nom.

Wish granted, butt now only sells vegetarian BBQ food sources from sustainable sources with hemp wrappers. Enjoy!

My wish is for plastic sisters of battle models.

Granted. They look like something off of a smutty deviantart page.

I wish for a conclusive answer to whether "this statement is false" is true or false, and why.

Granted. Humanities greatest mind sent you the answer in a sealed envelope sadly it gets lost in the mail and humanity and you will never know the answer.

I wish my hormones would get less in the way of my creativity.

Granted you have such creativity but you can never quite relise your dream idea and its eternaly frustrating.

I wish my car would hurry up and dry out.

Granted. All of its fluids are bone dry.

I wish to stay awake long enough.

Granted! "Long enough" for what, you don't remember and immediately doze off.


I wish climate change actually was a hoax.

Granted. Now you need a new cause celebre.



I wish for my own private submarine.

Granted. It is made from styrofoam and will not submerge.

I wish for a new set of needle files.

Granted... There perfectly smooth to the atomic level.

I wish I had a nice sunny holiday.

Granted! But it's a ski holiday and the sun has melted all the snow.

I wish alphabet soup came in the letters of different languages' alphabets.

Granted. But you must travel to foreign countries to get some.

I wish to go to a foreign country.

Granted! But the only dishes available to eat are alphabet soups in foreign tongues.

I wish fish could use tools.

Granted. They invent an automatic fish slap machine, and you are it's test subject.

I wish for some long lost gold to fall into my hands.