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I, as Acolyte to the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie(long title huh?) have already sent envoys to the so called Phillipines, also named P.I. by our Master of Sanctity Shrike78, to entice them into our church, none have returned yet but have hope brothers, they shall return victorious!

Yoda: the Third
A long time ago in a sector far away, there was an Empire ruled by a destitute and heretical Emperor who had betrayed the trust lain to him by his people and had taken total control. A group of vigilantes who possessed a slice of the most righteous pie of turtle, also known as Jedi were almost completely wiped out by this Emperor except for Yoda, who escaped. Although he is an Xenos of a kind relating to the Demiurg, Eldar, and Squats, he has sworn himself body and soul to the protection of turtle pie. Although rumors of his death rebounded soon before another so called 'Jedi' defeated the evil Emperor, he soon hitched a ride to our section of the universe and surveying the situation, he saw that Turtle Pie was every where and soon followed in the path of the First and Second by casting down all non-believers and heretics. He soon joined Chuck and Mr. T in their ascension to Godhood at the local Hardees. Thus is the story of Yoda the Third Protector.

However brothers, there are others who I am not sure are true Protectors but are merely FRAUDS. Yes brothers it is fortold that "Five shall replace the Five." but we must be wary to not allow false idols into our most holy of worship.


Also brothers. As it has been said, the Emperor betrayed the First and the Second Protectors in his quest to horde all of the Turtle Pie. Yet there are those who have used such sayings as "The Emperor Protects." As of now, we are at an uneasy peace with both the forces of the Imperium and Chaos.
We also have many enemies, there are the Eldar who are so old that they bore us with stories as we enjoy the succulence of Turtle Pie. There are the Dark Eldar who torture common men and women to find the secrets to Turtle Pie. The Necron menace does not care more or less of Turtle Pie, yet their Deciever and other such gods are undoubtedly plotting to steal it all. The Tau are horrible in that they believe that all should have an equal slice, yet when it comes to snack time, their leaders would have eaten all of it. The Orks are the only Xenos who respect Turtle Pie and have on several occasions refused to attack true believers in Turtle Pie. Their green color also corresponds with the Third Protector who shares their color tone. Thus is the appendium of allies and enemies. A summary follows.


Allies:
Orks- Friendly/ Warlike nature causes tension
Chaos- Nurgle is friendly/ Tzeentch is eager to please/ Khorne and Slaanesh are enemies of the First and Second Protectors
Imperium:
Witch Hunters- Highly intolerant to non-Emperor fearing forces
Imperial Guard- Only high echelons require convincing
Space Marines- Comforted by presence of Templars Testudine and Praetors of Pie though often confused by heraldry
Daemon Hunters- May confuse holy turtle icons as Chaos icons which they oppose wholly

Enemies:
Eldar- Not concerned with Turtle Pie but rather in manipulating everything they see/ Hazardous story tellings
Dark Eldar- Are attempting to find deepest secrets of Turtle Pie/ Must be eliminated
Necrons- Dark masters may have plans concerning Turtle Pie
Tau- Leaders are selfish and eat all capture Turtle Pie/ Turtle Pie must be shared!

Hey did you guys here about the new 5th edition rulebook for 40k!? Their supposed to put out a new army too to go along with the release. It's supposed to be Chaos Demons and stuff and you can use em with your CSM army too.

Yeah we have.

Yes there is.

Yes it is and no you can't.

Haw haw haw.

Nay young Acolyte, You need to return to your studies and contemplate more upon the Wholeness that is the Eternal Turtle Pie.

The Tau preach wholeness and even distribution of Pie for all. Thus keeping the dish from tipping to one side to much. There is nothing more Turtle-like(Praise the eternal Dessert). They provide balance.

The Eldar focus on perfecting every aspect or ingredient of the Eternal Turtle Pie(Praise the Omni-dessert). Their Patience and focus will only sweeten the whole.

The Necrons show that such is the powerful draw that is The Omni-desert one may return even from death in order to recieve more. They teach us perseverence.

The Dark Eldar revel in the pleasures of Pie. That we should savor every last bit of its sweetness but that it is wrong to be gluttonous. They show us the consequence of over-indulgence.


As a Scholar in the Church of the Children of the Eternal Turtle Pie I call upon our Saints and Leaders to Proclaim the writings of Shadow Nugz as Heritical and be stricken from the History of our Church. I believe where fundamentally motivated by good, Shadow Nuqz still is loyal to chaos first then to our beloved Church(Holy hutch to the the Eternal Pie known as Turtle.

In this matter I call upon the Church to carmel together. That we crunch through this difficult situation. And pray that in the darkness we will find the chocolatey goodness that is the Omni-dessert

My pie asploded...

I would like to join the church of the turtle pie? What must I do?

You must do what you would do for a Klondike Bar, except for a Klondike Bar that will give you eternal enlightenment in everything.

And that great Klondike Bar is in fact the overlord of all things Turtle and Pie--- the all-exalted Turtle Pie.

Shadow Nugz : Be mindful, young Padawan. Your enthusiasm serves you well but leads you down a dark and Pie-less path. The enlightenment that comes from basking in the steamy goodness of our Blessed Omni-Dessert comes only with time, study and a mind truly open to the Great Circular One-ness of Platehood.

Try to embrace The Blessed Pie one Holy Slice at a time and be patient. Let not your zeal become zealotry, lest you lean too far and fall completely off The Plate. Remeber, you are but a mere Acolyte in our Great and Blessed Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, and it will take time before you reach the Divine Understandings that have lead Brother-Scholar focusedfire and I to our current level.

Be not so hasty in suggesting a new name for consideration, especially when talking of the Well Baked Elite that are the Most Holy Guardians of the Pie of Turtle.

I sponsored your raising from Initiate to Acolyte, so I feel a duty to assist and offer this last piece of advice :

Many a pie steams with the promise of Meaty Goodness and Soulful Satisfaction, but only with care will you avoid the Cursed Gristle-filled Pretenders (may they crumble before the Divine Might of the Blessed Omni-Dessert ) and truly experience the wonders of the Blessed Pie of Turtle, without whose sustenance we are as nought.

Hmmm, something missing



There, that's better.

focusedfire wrote:Nay young Acolyte, You need to return to your studies and contemplate more upon the Wholeness that is the Eternal Turtle Pie.

The Tau preach wholeness and even distribution of Pie for all. Thus keeping the dish from tipping to one side to much. There is nothing more Turtle-like(Praise the eternal Dessert). They provide balance.

The Eldar focus on perfecting every aspect or ingredient of the Eternal Turtle Pie(Praise the Omni-dessert). Their Patience and focus will only sweeten the whole.

The Necrons show that such is the powerful draw that is The Omni-desert one may return even from death in order to recieve more. They teach us perseverence.

The Dark Eldar revel in the pleasures of Pie. That we should savor every last bit of its sweetness but that it is wrong to be gluttonous. They show us the consequence of over-indulgence.


As a Scholar in the Church of the Children of the Eternal Turtle Pie I call upon our Saints and Leaders to Proclaim the writings of Shadow Nugz as Heritical and be stricken from the History of our Church. I believe where fundamentally motivated by good, Shadow Nuqz still is loyal to chaos first then to our beloved Church(Holy hutch to the the Eternal Pie known as Turtle.

In this matter I call upon the Church to carmel together. That we crunch through this difficult situation. And pray that in the darkness we will find the chocolatey goodness that is the Omni-dessert

Though indeed you speak many truths, as scholar reaper6 has said, let not your zeal become zealotry, Red-hot-pie-pan brand of heresy burns deeply , and should never be used in haste, lest the brander brands himself, for to do so would be the anti-thesis of turtle pie, whose steamy goodness heats our souls, rather than immolating them.

I understand that the fires of your passion were fueled by the heat of the omni-dessert, but let not your feelings for the cause of turtle pie be blinded by it's gooey center, lest it be soiled as you trip and flail blindly on the cafeteria floor of damnation

As there are infinite shades of flavor in the great vastness of turtle pie, there are degrees of guilt, a false statement is not necessarily heresy, just as over zealosness isn't, it must be checked and tempered, rather than expunged completely, so that others may learn from the glorious past of turtle pie

God Of Yams wrote:Hmmm, something missing



There, that's better.

there's still something missing

Shrike78 wrote:Hmmm, something missing

there's still something missing

Ha, several somethings missing by the looks of it.

PieHammer TurtleThousand, coming to a Games Workshop near you!!!!

(Edit for quote malfunction)

God Of Yams wrote:
Ha, several somethings missing by the looks of it.

PieHammer TurtleThousand, coming to a Games Workshop near you!!!!

(Edit for quote malfunction)

We need to make the codexes for the armies...

I was planning on using the current space marine rules, so that I wouldn't have to keep asking people if they'd let me play, but a separate list would be humorous, and I know my friends would let me use it.

I saw the "Hard Shell Terminators" earlier, and I just want to say that if a codex gets written, we should steer away from overpowering things.

yeah... so maybe more points for them


but the ridiculousness factor was amusing no?

Yes, it properly conveyed the sheer indestructibility of the turtle, but unfortunately we need to balance their points. slaughtering every other army is realistic, but ultimately we are forced to give our army a handicap to make things competitive. :(

High Chaplain Shrike, I have heard your words and Humbly agree. Forgive my zealousnes, I will return to studying the great Pie that is our universe.

focusedfire wrote:High Chaplain Shrike, I have heard your words and Humbly agree. Forgive my zealousnes, I will return to studying the great Pie that is our universe.

All is forgiven, Brother Scholar, your zeal is understood, as it is hard not to be swept away in the fiery warmth of turtle pie.

Also, I would like to hear the thoughts of both you, and your comrade in scholarship: reaper6, on the orks, as you are both wise in the machinations of turtle pie, and are most apt at determining its will.

Are the orks followers of the great omni-dessert as hinted by their green, almost turtle like nature, and their love of the heat of burnas and guns that explode when handled? Or are they hubristically attempting to steal more pie than that which they have earned?

High-Chaplain Shrike, I will consult as you request.

@Reaper 6, Upon first study the Ork seem to exemplify two attributes within our church. First is that they are a hard race, much like the shell of the Great Turtle.

Second, is they're unpredictability. Always pervasive and somehow always standing out in the greater whole to which they belong. I beleive they represent the nuts.


What say you most learned peer? How do you percieve the Orks place in reference to the Omni-Dessert(All Hail The Pie Named Turtle)?

what is turtle pie!!!!!

You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?

Very deep Ahtman, Would you care to be mentioned as a candidate for scholar. Such a philosphical mind would be a boon to our Church.

Aparrently we went off-topic... Ah well we can now spread the light of the Omnidessert to the darkness that is the 'Off Topic' forumn.

Don't worry, the fluff forums are still filled with small references to turtle pie.
This leads me to some guidlines for Turtle/Pieing a thread:

If it is a terribly worded thread, or one that has gone off topic, It is a candidate for full fledged conversion to a Turtle Pie thread.

If it is well written and interesting, it can still benefit from the wisdom of the turtle pie, but in a more refined way, try not to derail these threads.

If it is a poll thread, it is acceptable to request something Turtle Pie related be added as an option.

And they shall be the sacred protectors of that which is most delicious.

And they shall show bravery in the face of those who wish to rob slices of this most divine pastry.

And they shall purge all those who would dare speak out against the scrumptious icon and it's most savory sauces.

And they shall be known hence forth as the Testudine Pie Praetors.

And they shall know no fear.

God Of Yams wrote:Don't worry, the fluff forums are still filled with small references to turtle pie.
This leads me to some guidlines for Turtle/Pieing a thread:

If it is a terribly worded thread, or one that has gone off topic, It is a candidate for full fledged conversion to a Turtle Pie thread.

If it is well written and interesting, it can still benefit from the wisdom of the turtle pie, but in a more refined way, try not to derail these threads.

If it is a poll thread, it is acceptable to request something Turtle Pie related be added as an option.

And I would like to humbly add, that threads that have devolved into hate spewing troll wars are also subject to turtle pie intervention, as violence not precipitated by the guardians of Turtle Pie will not be tolerated

Also, spread the word of turtle pie far and wide my brothers! New converts most indeed merit pieces of the pie

aunshova wrote:And they shall be the sacred protectors of that which is most delicious.

And they shall show bravery in the face of those who wish to rob slices of this most divine pastry.

And they shall purge all those who would dare speak out against the scrumptious icon and it's most savory sauces.

And they shall be known hence forth as the Testudine Pie Praetors.

And they shall know no fear.

This... this is.... this is...

I find myself dumbstruck by this tribute to turtle pie... its... its... magnificent!

I move that aunshova be promoted to the rank of scholar of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie... as his faith and dedication is most clearly visible... Though perhaps, since this symbol of the great Omni-dessert will be most persuasive in convincing those poor souls who do not follow the great pie, he should be promoted to the rank of Priest.

However, this act of devotion should not go unrewarded

I vote we introduce a Testudine Pie Praetors, or, Church of the Children of Turtle Pie system of ranking.

Something along the lines of (starting from lowest to highest):

Husky Choir boy (low)

Acolyte of the Crumbling Crust (med)

Secular Street Deacon of the Savory Sauces (med)

High Priest of the Temple of Pecans (high)

Wizened Cardinal of the Molten Caramel (very high)

feel free to add any imput.

aunshova , truly you are as Michaelangelo, decorating the ceiling of our new 'Off Topic' Testudine Chapel. I tip my Shell Shaped Hat to you in salute of your masterpiece.

Brother-Scholar focusedfire, my investigations of the Greenskinned Race are, as yet, incomplete, but here are my findings to date.

The Orks do, indeed, show many traits that lend themselves as Loyal to The Blessed Pie ( Heated be It's Name ). The race is naturally tenacious, toiling endlessly across the Galaxy, much like the Star Turtle Great A'Tuin. Their green-ness is beyond doubt, and their ability to spread at the drop of a body echoes the rapid spread of our Holy Word of Meaty Goodness. The indications, thus far, are that they should be deemed loyal to the Holy Pie, though I doubt they are truly aware of It's influence upon them.
Regarding their unpredicability, they are one of the few races than can be accurately be described as well and truly Out Of Their Shells most of the time, embarking on some Half-Baked endeavour or another most of the time.

Further investigation is needed before I can reach a more detailed opinion, I'm afraid.

I have news, Brothers. My search through the Archives of the World Wide Wossname for warriors worthy of recruitment into the Sanctified Chapters continues to bear fruit, for I have discovered another candidate to bring before you.

Like Kirk and Picard, this candidate is known worldwide, though he is NOT a graduate of the noble Starfleet Academy ( some say he never even made it through High School ! ).
His skill at arms is almost as great as the Holy Guardians themselves, and it is not inconcievable that he may one day reach such exalted heights.

In the course of his adventures he has slain many hundreds of foes, all ( well, almost all ) enemies of humankind in some way. He, like Kirk and Picard, has saved the known Galaxy ( some say by accident more than design ) and done wonders for the Bar-B-Q Flamethrower Company's sales figures. His loyalty is beyond question, he never fails to Bring Home The Bacon, and he is well versed in the arts of Field Cookery, often producing his famed dish of Bacon Bitz with Crispy Critters to follow.

He is sworn enemy of almost all things Piggy, hating every morsel of their greedy hides, and excels in his rapport with the ladies ( indeed, if he were to race Kirk to the Asian Nursing Students he'd probably win. He'd cheat like hell, but he'd win ).

This paragon of Combat Cookery has inspired generations of young humans, and it is for this reason I recommend him for the post of Master of Recruits, Captain of the 10th Company of the Templars Testudine.

Brothers, I present to you...

...Duke Nukem.

aunshova wrote:I vote we introduce a Testudine Pie Praetors, or, Church of the Children of Turtle Pie system of ranking.

Something along the lines of (starting from lowest to highest):

3" pie plate (low)

Husky Choir boy (low)

5" pie plate (medium)

Acolyte of the Crumbling Crust (med)

Secular Street Deacon of the Savory Sauces (med)

Dogmatic disher of pie(high)

High Priest of the Temple of Pecans (high)

Wizened Cardinal of the Molten Caramel (very high)

feel free to add any imput.

Shrike78 wrote:

3" pie plate (low)

Husky Choir boy (low)

5" pie plate (medium)

Acolyte of the Crumbling Crust (med)

Secular Street Deacon of the Savory Sauces (med)

Dogmatic disher of pie(high

High Priest of the Temple of Pecans (high)

Wizened Cardinal of the Molten Caramel (very high)

feel free to add any input.

I personally prefer the more serious rankings already in place, but there's no reason not to add more.

Reaper6 wrote:

In the course of his adventures he has slain many hundreds of foes, all ( well, almost all ) enemies of humankind in some way. He, like Kirk and Picard, has saved the known Galaxy ( some say by accident more than design ) and done wonders for the Bar-B-Q Flamethrower Company's sales figures. His loyalty is beyond question, he never fails to Bring Home The Bacon, and he is well versed in the arts of Field Cookery, often producing his famed dish of Bacon Bitz with Crispy Critters to follow.
<snip>
...Duke Nukem.

I would never question the power of Mr. Nukem, but he does have a reputation for being somewhat...late.