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GES wrote:i understand, Brother. May Turtle and Pie always shine upon you.

And with you Brother, may Turtle's Shell be your shield which protects you from the unrighteous and its claws your sword with which you end their suffering. May the Pie's filling grant you delicious warmth and its crust a vassal with which to eat the delicious filling...


Now then I must ask of our lords if the list of the members of our most Holy Church and their positions and status been compiled.

And has dakka been completely devoid of threads that must be punished, for these past few days or am I missing something?

I think people have just been too lazy to make pointless threads. I shall fix that.

Our job is not to make pointless threads, it is to stop them. Making them ourselves would not help the Pie's standing at all.

Just remain vigil, and remember;

"A moment of Heresy can spawn a life time of heresy."

Perhaps the only way to understand how to fight pointless threads is to make them?

No, no. Far too heretical a thought. I assaign myself 300 lashings penace.

*proceeds to use belt 300 times.*

Please... call an ambulance.

Such a thing seems radical, far to radical for your own good GES. Be happy that 300 is all you require this time, and that an Apothecary is on his way, I could have left you to suffer more.

*wakes up from coma*

What did i miss?

BrotherStynier wrote:Such a thing seems radical, far to radical for your own good GES. Be happy that 300 is all you require this time,

It's me. Did you honestly expect something NOT radical? 300 is the perfect number, the number of which made Gerard Butler reveal his amazing abs, therefore it is the number all followers of the Turtle Pie should aspires to.

Also, Shrike78 appears not to have posted for another large stretch of time. I fear the worst, brothers and sisters.

Golden Eyed Scout wrote:

BrotherStynier wrote:Such a thing seems radical, far to radical for your own good GES. Be happy that 300 is all you require this time,

It's me. Did you honestly expect something NOT radical? 300 is the perfect number, the number of which made Gerard Butler reveal his amazing abs, therefore it is the number all followers of the Turtle Pie should aspires to.

Then I assign you to do 300 Crunches a morning and three hundred a night.

Also, Shrike78 appears not to have posted for another large stretch of time. I fear the worst, brothers and sisters.

Fear not, even with out Lord Shrike78 we can survive, we did after all survive a civil war with out him.

BrotherStynier wrote:

Golden Eyed Scout wrote:

BrotherStynier wrote:Such a thing seems radical, far to radical for your own good GES. Be happy that 300 is all you require this time,

It's me. Did you honestly expect something NOT radical? 300 is the perfect number, the number of which made Gerard Butler reveal his amazing abs, therefore it is the number all followers of the Turtle Pie should aspires to.

Then I assign you to do 300 Crunches a morning and three hundred a night.

I'm not sure you have the authority to do that... but anywho!

Thank you master, may I have another?

With the increasing numbers of Dakkaites and the presence of a mod in this most sacred of threads, I fear that we may be heading towards a schism. How long before some brash young renegades split off and begin to worship the unholy Cat Burger or Kiwi Cake?

Worry not, Pie will always prevail due to its wholesomeness. Can most mothers make the Kiwi cake or Cat Burger or even know what they are outside of a few countries? No

Can most mothers make pie and deliver such goodness to their children as a sign of their love? Yes

Do most cultures have a form of Pie? To our current knowledge, Yes.

Other fad desserts may be become fashionable for short periods of time but only such desserts that can be given with a mothers love may truly attempt to rival the position of pie. This is why cake is considered our arch-nemisis and a pretender to the plate.

Yes, plate. There is such a thing as a pie plate but there are no cake plates. Even the foundations for the hygenic consumption of our holy sacrament attest to the supremacy of pie.

Waaagh_Gonads wrote:

I don't think we were supposed to anyway.

Brothers, as many have, by now, noticed, our fearless leader, Master of Sanctity Shrike78 is again MIA. Since his last posting the frequency of posts in this thread has fallen dramatically and the work of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie (derailing failed threads, converting others to our cause, filling the positions of the Sanctified Chapters and the search for heroes to aid The Guardians) has also fallen by the wayside.

This is not good, brothers.

I am all too aware that events in the world beyond the realms of Dakka can often slow the frequency with which we attend our duties within The Church, indeed I suffer such intrusions upon my time quite often, but we must remain strong and continue to be a presence within this forum.

I know you all miss the witty guidance of Shrike, but we must continue in his absence and hope that he will return to us and view our continued faith with pride.

With that in mind, I have a submission for all members of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie to consider :

Since it's very inception, the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie has grown and flourished under the guidance of Shrike78. He has shown many admirable traits over the past few months, cutting wit, valauble insights, organisational flair, the ability to inspire and motivate others to name but a few.

Indeed, were it not for his vision we would not HAVE a brotherhood. Our Most Holy Saints would not have become united and recognised. The Guardians would not have been posted at our gates. The Santified Chapters would have remained un-founded and pointless threads would continue to rant on (though I note again that this duty seems to remain unattended !)

Surely, then, the time has come to recognise Shrike78 for what he truly is ?

Brothers, Saints, I suggest to you that it is time to canonise Shrike78, that he may be risen to the level that should have been his due from the very start.

Strip from him the title Master of Sanctity and bestow upon him the mantle of Sainthood.

How say you, brothers ? Do we raise Shrike78 to Saint ?

As with all promotions, this will, of course, require a seconding from a senior member of our order AND, because of the status to which I propose we raise Shrike, I seek confirmation from at least 1 of our Most Holy Saints.

For the Turtle and The Pie ! Faith in the Faithful - Pie for the Pie-ous !

Brothers, I second the motion to cannonize Shrike 78.


Secondly, I put forth to the Saints and then the Brotherhood of the Church of The Children of The Eternal Turtle Pie that there is a need to have an established set of protocols. To help with temporary or permanent vacancies I propose that we have a list for filling the position of master of sanctity that will work as an order of succession.

Third, Even though he has not asked to join, I propose that Waaagh_Gonads be given an honourary Title. I propose that Waaagh_Gonads be given the Titles of Inquisitor OverLord and/or Eternal Watchman.


I leave these proposals before you, Brothers. May The Eternal Turtle Pie(Delicious be thy Name) Guide your way.


PS, put me down for one of those T-Shirts.

Hello brothers and any sisters do we have any sisters?
I have been looking for a t shirt silk screen company for shirts not cheap for a small amount but I am diligent to find them.
I also agree with Reaper6 and Focused Fire to canonize Shrike 78.
To my knowledge I have not found any pointless threads but we may help Dakka Dakka in other ways.
How about reporting necro to the mods when we find it not in the necroed thread but directly to the mod.
Remember helping Dakka Dakka helps us spread the love of Turtle Pie.
Your brother in the love of turtle pie SonOfRuss.

focusedfire wrote:Brothers, I second the motion to cannonize Shrike 78.


Secondly, I put forth to the Saints and then the Brotherhood of the Church of The Children of The Eternal Turtle Pie that there is a need to have an established set of protocols. To help with temporary or permanent vacancies I propose that we have a list for filling the position of master of sanctity that will work as an order of succession.

Third, Even though he has not asked to join, I propose that Waaagh_Gonads be given an honourary Title. I propose that Waaagh_Gonads be given the Titles of Inquisitor OverLord and/or Eternal Watchman.


I leave these proposals before you, Brothers. May The Eternal Turtle Pie(Delicious be thy Name) Guide your way.


PS, put me down for one of those T-Shirts.

sonofruss wrote:Hello brothers and any sisters do we have any sisters?
I have been looking for a t shirt silk screen company for shirts not cheap for a small amount but I am diligent to find them.
I also agree with Reaper6 and Focused Fire to canonize Shrike 78.
To my knowledge I have not found any pointless threads but we may help Dakka Dakka in other ways.
How about reporting necro to the mods when we find it not in the necroed thread but directly to the mod.
Remember helping Dakka Dakka helps us spread the love of Turtle Pie.
Your brother in the love of turtle pie SonOfRuss.

There's a place not too far away from my house, with pretty good prices. They also got the shirts done pretty fast. I will see what their rates are, and inquire of yakface/legoburner if we be allowed to make shirts. I will post again with a design ASAP. Also, I know sonofrus came up with the idea, and am asking him for
permission as we speak. Cross your fingers, for it shall blow you away.

Well I wear big guy shirts 6xl here is hoping they have that big of shirts.

focusedfire wrote:Brothers, I second the motion to cannonize Shrike 78.

Third, Even though he has not asked to join, I propose that Waaagh_Gonads be given an honourary Title. I propose that Waaagh_Gonads be given the Titles of Inquisitor OverLord and/or Eternal Watchman.

I agree with the move to canonize Lord Shrike78, he has served the Turtle Pie diligently and with out heresy since its inception.

On the point of Waaagh_Gonands being given an honorary Title I have no issue with the Title of Eternal Watchman, but have one with Inquisitor Overlord as there is no Inquisitor Title in our beloved church.

May the Turtle Pie protect.

BrotherStynier wrote:

focusedfire wrote:Brothers, I second the motion to cannonize Shrike 78.

Third, Even though he has not asked to join, I propose that Waaagh_Gonads be given an honourary Title. I propose that Waaagh_Gonads be given the Titles of Inquisitor OverLord and/or Eternal Watchman.

I agree with the move to canonize Lord Shrike78, he has served the Turtle Pie diligently and with out heresy since its inception.

On the point of Waaagh_Gonands being given an honorary Title I have no issue with the Title of Eternal Watchman, but have one with Inquisitor Overlord as there is no Inquisitor Title in our beloved church.

May the Turtle Pie protect.

Yakface is the Inquisitorial Overlord and Legoburner is the fabricator general of mars.

Shrike78, the founder of this most holy thread, does indeed deserve to be canonised. I still don't understand why he's a lower rank than me.

Good news! For my last "elective" (the school elects wich ones you get, and you can elect to pass or fail), Sewing Home Ec, we are required to make a pillow.
I am making an Imperial Eagle pillow, and will post piccies as soon as possible! We just started Home Ec two days ago, so it will take some time. Also, what
is the approriate Turtle Pie response to get revenge against an older, bigger, and stronger brother that stole cash outta your wallet. I would think it would be
beating them over the head with a frying pan screaming "TURTLE PIE THIEVING BITCH!", but I may be wrong.

TURTLE PIE!!!!!!!

Never mind, apparently Turtle and Pie convinced him to give the cash back. I think we should agree that takin money outta peoples (mine especially) wallets is bad, m'kay?

I also think that shrike should be sainted.

I fear though, that my abscennces (spelling) has been due to the horror that has befallen my SM rhinos, it has made me lose the will to continue. (not suicide) It angers me, and I have not been avalibale since shrike's disapperance. I think that once elavated to saint, his duties shall be made optinal. He shall lead, but I belive that a saint should not be troubled with the inner disputes of the church. He has guided us, and no one is more deserving of a rest then he is.

Oh Pie-ous members of the Church of Turtle Pie, I have ever searched for a pointless thread that has strayed, but the Moderators have done such a good job of locking them that none are to be found!

Though I may be Tau, I have accepted the way of the Turtle Pie as the Greater Good. Will I still be accepted into the church of the Turtle Pie?

Brother, I invite you to this thread.http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/30/236692.page

In the name of the Turtle and the Pie forward!

I'm not sure how you wish to attack a thread made entirely to be pointless. I though our duty was to combat pointlessness in a serious thread.

No, our duty is to purge seriousness from Dakka. Soon, not even Yakface will be able to stop us! The moderators will join us or suffer the wrath of our spam emails and virus links! Someday, we shall spread, first to Bolter and Chainsword, then Da Waaagh, then 4chan, then GOOGLE and THE WORLD! None shall stop our pastry power! All praise to the omnidessert!

Find the heretic, burn the heretic.

You forgot Warseer!