Uncoventional Titan Takedowns

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**Cambak**

Emperors Faithful wrote:
Morgrim wrote:
Emperors Faithful wrote:*EF lols as stuck Titan spots haemonculi and cultist, bringing its plasma cannon to bear*

You realise that I'm standing right next to you, don't you? *waves, skips back into portal, pokes head back out* But I'm feeling nice, want a lift? I promise I won't hurt you, and may She Who Thirsts consign my soul to the warp should I breach it. *watches cannon point in this direction and ducks down again*

"Onwards Guardsmen! Let us conquer the foul xenos realm!"
*silence*
"Hey, it's that or we get blown to bits by the titan over there."
*Commissar EF charges through the portal with a horde of guardsmen.*

Cambak wrote:
Emperors Faithful wrote:Yeeees?

Inquisitor! Inquisitor! The Chaos Skum are building a GIANT SPHERE! IN SPACE!

No, Guardsman.
You ARE the giant sphere in space.
*BLAM*

Ignores the wound because of a medic in the squad

With respect sir, the medic lets us negate one wound.....

Also, how can I be a sphere, when in fact, I am a heavy Flamer wielding Imperial Guardsmen.

LONG LIVE THE EMPEROR!

**Emperors Faithful**

@Cambak: You sir, have obviously not heard the joke. (BTW, summary execution removes chosen model, it does not inflict a wound.)

**Cambak**

Emperors Faithful wrote:@Cambak: You sir, have obviously not heard the joke. (BTW, summary execution removes chosen model, it does not inflict a wound.)

@ EF I have heard the joke, and seen it many times. (BTW, summart execution removes the unit with the highest LD value, you, and forces a reroll for moral/leadership tests, and is also used in the "It's for your own good" Psyker special rule, I am not an Officer, just a loyal flame trooper)

**idget**

Submit it to all the written work of Jervis Johnson. Given enough time the titan will commit suicide.

**Emperors Faithful**

**Morgrim**

*is lounging on top of a talos playing cards with the haemonculi. Both pause to look at the incoming guardmen. Haemonculi and talos begin to attack guardsmen*

*jumps down and shrugs* Hey, I said I wouldn't hurt anyone, not that I'd stop others from doing it. *deftly closes the now leaking plasma portal* Now, directions in this maze... that way *points* goes off to the greater depths, don't go there without a harlequin escort. If you find one do go there, the Black Library is somewhere down there. That way *points* is one I find quite interesting and you'd find some variation of repulsive, terrifying, or triumphant, depending on how you got there and how many grunts you had with you. Not that it would make a difference, since Commorragh is, once you account for the strange geometry and twisted gravity, a place with at least as much space as Terra. Seriously, there is an amusing wreckage of a battle cruiser impaled on one of the spikes, I have no clue who they were chasing or who thought it a good idea but apparently it worked well. There is a reason we stick to small and very nimble ships in here. Those areas *waves hand* are sealed off, they've been leaking into the warp and we don't need daemonic instability interfering with things.

*glances back at the talos enjoying itself and snickers* Right, well, that portal over there with the creaking noise is the one under the titan's foot, you can bail that way once it moves on, but do it soon before it'll close itself in about an hour. Oh, and you may find this trail incredibly interesting. *leans on a patch of webway with an odd smile on her face* Again, this is a 'take a harlequin for directions' bit, but also to knock back daemons. Actually, the infestation isn't bad, they've given up for the most part due to a rather nasty psychic barrier in the latter portions. Of course, that only causes them to be weakened until drawn back to the warp, so living beings can pass with a bit of will. No, the main issue it that if you try poking your head out, there tend to be a few hundred very tall once-humans in ornate golden armour staring at you...

*folds arms and smirks*

**Cambak**

Okay??? Which way leads to the nearest HUMAN inhabited world? The inquisitors are getting suspicious and I was due back say.... several months ago...

shifts uneasily

**Morgrim**

I speak of a passage in the webway tainted by daemons and held back by a psychic barrier strong enough to repel even a lord of change. Which leads to a room filled with those that resemble your astartes on a larger scale, in ornate armour. And you ask for a human world. *laughs mockingly*

I take it that the one you have just departed is also insufficient, then, despite being given excellent directions. Where is it then that you wish to go. And why do you honestly think that you won't not be hunted by that same Inquisition if I took you to another world, via the alien webway?

Still, if you insist... *begins walking down a tunnel*

**Arheiner**

Bring your mother to war with you.

**Cambak**

Morgrim wrote:I speak of a passage in the webway tainted by daemons and held back by a psychic barrier strong enough to repel even a lord of change. Which leads to a room filled with those that resemble your astartes on a larger scale, in ornate armour. And you ask for a human world. *laughs mockingly*

I take it that the one you have just departed is also insufficient, then, despite being given excellent directions. Where is it then that you wish to go. And why do you honestly think that you won't not be hunted by that same Inquisition if I took you to another world, via the alien webway?

Still, if you insist... *begins walking down a tunnel*

You have an excellent point, but I'd have a better chance being on a planet that the Inquisition don't have their claw around then one they do have.

**BeRzErKeR**

Cambak wrote:

You have an excellent point, but I'd have a better chance being on a planet that the Inquisition don't have their claw around then one they do have.

Kom ta Charadon, we don't 'ave no Inquizzishun 'ere!

**Cambak**

BeRzErKeR wrote:
Cambak wrote:

You have an excellent point, but I'd have a better chance being on a planet that the Inquisition don't have their claw around then one they do have.

Kom ta Charadon, we don't 'ave no Inquizzishun 'ere!

I bring Loot! *holds up some stuff that can be made into shootas and a heavy flamer

**BeRzErKeR**

Cambak wrote:

I bring Loot! *holds up some stuff that can be made into shootas and a heavy flamer

Give dat 'ere. *grabs loot* Right, yer looks like a good lad. Cummon in quik before da 'oomies follow yer.

**Emperors Faithful**

NEVER ask Morgrim for directions. For she shall give you 3 answers, all relatively true and terrifying to know...

**cadbren**

Clothesline followed by a couple of body slams then finished off with a pin. Just remember, the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

Actually you probably wouldn't need the body slams as I doubt a titan would get up again after falling over so just the clothesline and pin to show who's the boss.

Automatically Appended Next Post:
Repo Man.

Sir, are you aware that there are payments owing on your vehicle?

What?!! Pay...Look you, I've been on the galactic fringe insuring your damned safety!

Language sir, no one is being damned today, but if you can't pay I'm authorised to repossess items to cover the cost.

Repo...why you maggot, I'll stomp you flat I will. Jenkins, squash this twit please.

Sorry sir, the foot wont respond.

Try the other one then dammit!

They're both unresponsive sir, checking visuals. Arrr sir, we appear to have been clamped.

Whaaaat!!!!! That bloody maggot, I'll fry him.

Frying me will not remove the clamps and you'll also be posted with an infringement notice requiring you to cover my funeral expenses as well as paying other costs. Best just to pay up sir

nggg nggg nggg

I didn't quite catch that sir.

Fine, you win, what are you taking?

Just a chair and a piece of electronics should do it.

What, all of that for a lousy chair and a piece of hardware!

Glad you see it like that sir, now if you'll just stand up please while the techs remove the chair.

My command chair! What's the hardware you want, the turbo-laser I suppose?

The plasma canon will be fine thank you.

<thwump>

Sir?

I think he's fainted mister.

**Cambak**

*Walks up to the Repo Man and holds up a screw*

You call this a boot? All you did was stick it in the leg joint!

*put on a fake, but still intimidating hat*

By order of the Commissariat You are hereby summary executed for the attempted sabotage of an Imperial Reaver Titan.

*shoots Repo man*

**ginger_nid_dude**

piano dropped on the pricepts chair

**Lint**

Put a giant rake on the ground in front of the titan. When he steps on the tines, the handle flys up and knocks him unconscious.

**Great Unclean One**

Ride off a cliff with a motorbike, into the titan, slaughter everyone inside, I am sure this has never been done by anyone before.... Hang on wait, damn Wazdakka!

**Solorg**

The titan powers down and blows up after his cord (which is too short) pops out of the wall.

Actually, something like this happened in Evangelion, no joke.

**Dastardly Dave**

One Word:

CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!

He would simply outflank the titan with a big sign saying "Tactical Genius, don't look here"

*Titan looks behind bush, nothing there.

SUDDENLY DEMOLISHERS appear from behind the bush and blow up the titan.

That must have taken some sort of tactical geniu-

CREEEEEEEEEEEEED!

(that or he just outflanks a vortex grenade into the titan, Creed can outflank anyone, anywhere and with anything.)

**IvanTih**

Put explosives on the guardsmen helmets,drop them from 10km and this is a way to use them as a living bombs.Drop them on the titan until it's destroyed.

**shas'o vera**

air caste commander: launch the 'penertrator' missile at the titans 'rear' armor

**Dastardly Dave**

air caste commander: launch the 'penertrator' missile at the titans 'rear' armor

Oh Dear, I feel very sorry for that titan now.

**shas'o vera**

Ignores the wound because of a medic in the squad

With respect sir, the medic lets us negate one wound.....

Also, how can I be a sphere, when in fact, I am a heavy Flamer wielding Imperial Guardsmen.

LONG LIVE THE EMPEROR!

*walks into the thread*
ahhhh the imperium and their so called emperor, he's dieing deal with it,
for the greater good