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Granted. But you also can't take them off... and the pressure on your bladder increases...

I wish for some nice decoration in our new office.

Granted. You are never allowed in there again, because it looks too nice and is only for company. You are banished back to the basement.

I wish for spaghetti.

Granted. You are teleported on the spaghetti monster flying in outer space... No clue what you want there.

I wish for a pizza instead.

Granted. It teleports away the moment you touch it.

I wish to be smarter.

Granted. But recognizing how stupid people around you are... you regret your wish at once.

I wish to be stoic to cope with the stupid people aorund me.

Granted. You get more and more stoic, to the point you become mindless ignorant and people will stop talking to you completely because you just stand and stare into the distance.
And a dog mistakes you for a statue as well.

I wish I was more spontaneous.

Granted. You are jailed for your dangerous antics.

I wish to find the ark of the covenant.

Granted. When you open the lid your head melds... Haven't you seen Raiders?

I wish that Indiana Jones 5 is coming soon and won't suck.

Granted, but Indiana Jones is not played by Harrison Ford, so it will suck no matter what.

I wish I could see through walls

Granted. But behind every wall a naked sumo wrestler is placed.

I wish for a nice and cold iced coffee.

Granted. Your coffee and everything else is iced in the arctic circle.

I wish for more fireworks.

Granted. They explode within your house and it burns down. Hawky comes as firemen to extinguish the flames... Good luck with that.

I wish to be a successful eSport athlete.

Granted. You are a successful eSport athlete in Mecklenburg-Vorpommern Mario Kart league.

I wish I was an airliner pilot.

Granted. It's for NCBA (Never come back airlines).

I wish that the Mecklenburg-Vorpommern Mario Kart league was the most important league in mankinds history.

Granted. It was until SKR.HH joined it. Went downhill from there.

I wish for a successful show tonight.

Granted. But you're no part of it.

I wish for some R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Granted, but after a terrible, terrible misunderstanding now on the local news, it only comes from the most closeted of Klu Klux Klan members of your local municipality.

I wish to be paid massive amounts of money for no effort.

Granted. You are paid massive amounts of a foreign currency that when converted, ends being $7.49 US.

I wish I had more spare time to 3d print everything I wanted.

Granted. You have more time to 3D print stuff, but you have no time to buy groceries or spend time with your family.

I wish for self-making bed.

Granted. It literally makes itself over and over and you have 70 identical beds in a day, forcing you to move out.

I wish I pass my saving throw vs. buying a new 40k army.

Granted. But you fail your morale test and therefore buy a new army anyways.

I wish for a stable internet connection at any time and any place.

Granted, but the connection is so slow that sending 32GB USB Flash-disks via carrier pigeon would be faster.

I wish I could hear pictures.

Granted. Fist picture you look at is a Pollock painting and immediately you go deaf.

I wish to taste colours.

(P.S.: Gosh darnit. I knew that I should have included a FAST to my last wish).

Granted. You are caught licking freshly painted benches in a public park. The story ends up in newspapers, too.

I wish I could speak German.

Granted. You get me as your German teacher... and as I am onviously a lazy teacher your German skills are just enough to recite some Rammstein.

I wish to visit Prague again.

Granted. You were robbed by a Romanian thug at knifepoint, then sold expired Yugoslavian money by an obscure street dealer, scammed in a money exchange with 35% hidden commission rate and then scammed again in a tourist shop that sells Russian/Soviet stuff and is run by a Vietnamese guy. All within the first day.

I wish I could dance Salsa.

(This is a completely possible scenario if you are not careful enough. Take it as friendly advice. Also, it seems I'm quite fluent in German by SKR.HH's standards. "Raaadiiiooooo")

Granted. But there is only Despacito available whenever you want to dance.

I wish to be Hawkies dance partner.

(What an adventure in Prague... Certainly a tale for the grandchildren)

Granted! But he always wants to lead and has really sweaty palms.

I wish I owned a successful Grand Cru vineyard in Burgundy.

Granted. It's 1941 and there is an obnoxious squad of drunken german soldiers, demanding more wine.

I wish to be one of them.

Granted. You are a 1941 Nazi solider demanding wine when British Bombers zero in on yours and BigWaagh's position.

I wish to be a real lizard person