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Granted. It becomes extremely popular with Kanye West, who releases the first of his 47 albums of Hiphop/gospel remakes, The Beatles Greatest hits. Nas freestyles extra lyrics on Eleanor Rigby.

I wish to write a novel.

Granted, you are possessed by the essence of Matt Ward to make a new black library book, which GW likes, and all the OP marine stuff gets shoehorned into the new codex.

I wish my dwarves in dwarf fortress would build that wall that exposes us to the outside world instead of moving a bunch of boulders around.

Granted! ...they do so having forgotten about the other walls they just built, trapping them all inside. (This is the bit where I pretend to know enough about Dwarf Fortress that I say, "oh and they've run out of shovels or whatever, so they can't just break the wall down again.")

I wish the person I'm covering at work would just hurry up and come back from their leave already!

Granted, he was gone because he was being promoted to a higher position and is now your boss, and apparently he didn't like you, so YOUR FIRED.
(ps, dwarves in DF use pickaxes to mine, and pickaxes don't break from what I know, and I don't think they need any special tools to break down walls)
I wish more people knew what dwarf fortress was.

Granted. The game, forums, fan pages, and mods are all flooded by a horde of 8-y/o kids coming from Minecraft.

I wish I knew to play the piano.

Granted, you play so much, that by the end of the year, you are deaf, have severe arthritis, and haven't eaten in days, and are close to dehydration.
(on another note, the thought of DF being flooded by 8 year olds is a horrifying proposition)
I wish I owned a squig.

Pregranted.
I mailed you several last page.. remember?

Misclicking Ork's wish was devoured by the box of squigs he got sent. His wounds will heal in time, but the embarrassment will last a while longer.

I wish the poison Ivy in my yard would stay dead.

Granted, hope you like undead poison ivy.

I wish I could just send people the “circus”, where they can meet the “clowns” (DF thing, look on the wiki)

Granted. It happened, and Misclicking ork lived happily ever after. Inconveniently for him, his happiness lasted for about about 2 weeks, before he won the Darwin award.

I wish the court system were replaced by pistol duels.

Granted, and as soon as it is implemented, there are people coming out of the woodwork to challenge you because you may have done some transgression against them a decade ago that they never forgave you for, and the chances of surviving are slim.

I wish the position of president of my country was decided in a drinking competition.

Granted. It was won by an old, poorly educated Siberian coal miner who has a portrait of Stalin tattoed over his whole back.

I wish I could drive around in a tank.

Granted, you failed to specify what type of tank you wanted, so we made a fish tank into a go-cart for you, enjoy!

I wish the shifty winged ers known as wasps would stop trying to invade my house.

Granted - they stop trying, because they have now fully succeeded. You can't step through a doorway without bashing your head on a hive and getting stung repeatedly.

I wish a Krispy Kreme doughnut just appeared in front of me, right now, for me to eat.

Granted. It is a failed scientific experiment and the doughnut randomly phases in and out of realspace and teleports around. You hardly know it's the last place of materialization was inside the undereducated Siberian coal miner's filthy fridge, and before it bathed in the Ganga river for a while.

I wish I was offered a red pill to swallow.

Granted. It's red couloured cyanide.

I wish for a cat.

Granted. One night you hear a loud rumbling, scratching, and crashing noises as a CAT slowly plows through your living room.

I wish it was raining.

Granted, many have asked for this wish before, and you also made the same mistake of not specifying what type of rain you want, so I hope you enjoy a rain of all the previous wish receivers, plus added lava and lemon juice, enjoy!

I wish that dark matter was proven to be false goth-hippy propaganda used in recruitment drives.

Granted. It was also "proven" the pyramids were built by the aliens, and the USA is now struck with mass hysteria and even more rioting, looting, burning, and murdering. The rest of the world stays calm, as they believe what real scientists say.

I wish Kim Jong Un became the new US president.

Granted, due to him being so drunk with power and nukes, he launches nuclear genocide upon the world, and as nuclear winter sets in, human life only exists in isolated pockets destined to die out.

I wish this stupidity that seems to plague the world would just stop.

Granted. We've removed all the controversial and/or impulsive people. Sorry you didn't make the cut.

I wish to remove all the pollution from Earth's atmosphere

Granted, what a pollutant is is decided by a crazy environmentalist who probably knows nothing about what he is talking about, and now you have to live in a world with no carbon dioxide, which means oxygen producers suffocate, which means oxygen users suffocate as well, which means the end of humanity.

I wish there was a clean renewable source of energy that didn't release toxic chemicals when expired/kill birds flying in the air/dam up rivers, and nuclear power, although mostly safe, does not count as renewable.

Granted. Thousands of people, including you, are chained to exercise bikes and forced to pedal and turn a generator 12 hours a day under a threat of beating.

I wish all people were smart.

Granted, now that people are smart, everything is out of business due to cheap marketing no longer working, nobody has jobs, and many are dead, but at least people know how to grow food now, and how to do calculus.

I wish good comedy was easy to find.

Granted. You became dumb. Dumb people find cheap and bad comedy funnier than smart people.

I wish pretty girls find me more attractive.

Granted. Pretty girls are all too disturbed by the fact that they can feel themselves being, quite literally, magnetically pulled towards you when in close proximity. Their only recourse is to run far, far away.

I wish there were a triple-combination peanut butter, chocolate and jam spread I could use for sandwiches.

Granted. The jam is made from Miracle Berry and the sandwich tastes like week old tuna salad.

I wish I had an angel.

For one moment of love, you have an angel tonight. Then they stab you in the face and fly off.

(1, (one), internet cookie if you get the reference)

I wish I had remembered to get my work schedule for next week before I left today.

 ChaoticMind wrote:
For one moment of love, you have an angel tonight. Then they stab you in the face and fly off.

(1, (one), internet cookie if you get the reference)

I wish I had remembered to get my work schedule for next week before I left today.

Great minds, same gutter.

Granted. You did remember but left it sitting on the table in the breakroom. It got tossed when the next person cleared the table.

I wish for Ice cream.

Granted. The Ice cream is hidden inside the Dark Chest of Wonders. Nobody has the key, though.

I wish to fly higher.

Granted, Icarus! You're just going to love these wax wings.

I wish to dig deeper.