40k Quote Humor/Fluff

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**Superscope**

Shrike78 wrote:"AWWWW C'MON!!! They can friggen FLY now?!!!" Imperial guardsmen after the release of the more recent Tyranid Codices

Those valk's of yours might need to turn the wind shield wipers on faster..... like.... really fast ;p

**Cheese Elemental**

So, dese t'ree boyz wuz workin' on a gargant, an' dey wuz stoppin' ta eat.

An' dey all had da same fing. Pickled squig. An' each one uv `em finks "I hate dis stuff. If I get this one more day, I'm gonna off m'self!"

An' da next day comes. Da biggest uv da boyz got da grub-boyz ta fix `im sommin' else. Da second guy, `e changed `iz mind, `cuz pickled squig ain't really that bad.

The third blew `imself up.

Da second uv da boyz looked at da first, an' said "Well, dat wuz sad."

"Why'z that?"

"`E packs `is own grub."

**tiberius183**

"It's the 41st millennium...why the

are we still using swords and mounted cavalry?!" - Mogul Kamir

"Does this battlesuit make me look fat?" - Commander Shadowsun

"gasp! A Bloodthirster! Wait, I got a knife, I'm good. CHARGE!!" - misc. Sister of Battle

**Emperors Faithful**

"Never get between a Slaanesh fleet and a Convent World." -Anon Imperial Admiral

"It could be true what they say. Maybe Orks WERE made for fighting and winning. But so far all I see is them getting the gak blown out of them." -Corporal Jendar of the 137th Moxan Artillery

**cadian512**

'well, that was unexpected...'
-last words of varan the undefeatable

**DEATH89**

When playing my GK's with an inquisitor who fails to make himself useful:
"Grand Master why is the inquisitor no better in combat than an over equipped guardsman?"
"You know he's a psyker, he heard that, watch the single tear fall from his eye"

**Gandair**

My gamer friends keep asking me how good zoanthropes are now because they hear talk about their shiny new tank busting warp lance. I like to exaggerate it so when I tell them it's a 10 1 lance they don't freak out so much.

Friend: What's that new Zoey gun do?
Me: BS 4, Ld 10 psychic test, 18" range, S10, Ap 1, Twin-Linked, Lance, Melta, Rending, Assault 2
Friend: WHAT!? How many points does it cost!?
Me: I'm just joking it's only a 10 1 lance.
Friend: Oh, you had me worried for a moment.
Me: *smile*

**person person**

Gandair wrote:Me: I'm just joking it's only a 10 1 lance.

LOL!

**GeneralRetreat**

<from darkened skies comes the tell-tale uniform comet streaks raining down on the battlefield of a Drop Pod assault commencing>

WHA-BAMBAMBAM-Kssshhhhhhhh

"DISEMBARK MARINES! WE SHALL TAKE THE EMPERORS FIGHT TO THESE ORKS. THE SCUM OF THE UNIVERSE CANNOT STAND AGAINST OUR -- "

"Seargent? Did we miscalculate our drop? Where are the Orks?"

"Outflanking, sir."

"Oh, balls."

Automatically Appended Next Post:
Warlock to a fresh squad of Guardians:

"Welcome to orientation, everyone. Yes, the bathroom is over there. We'll wait. Okay, Welcome Everyone to Guardian Training Camp! We'll be learning the intricacies of using our Splinter - what? Sure, the phone is in the Farseer's office. Anyway, like I was saying, we'll be going over basic weapons training for the next couple of weeks.... <sigh> Yes, we'll be taking off on Flower-Picking day. No, you don't need a special form to have your parents visit. No, you can't go home with them! You're a soldier now, it's time you started acting a few days over 300!"

And as the cat-herding continues, the Warlock thinks to himself "That's the LAST time I ever play poker with Eldrad Uthran. That guy is such a DICK."

**Luke_Prowler**

"CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!
"Sir?"
"It's nothing, soldier, I just like to hear my name"
-A conversation between Creed and a guardsman

"No body expects the Imperial Inqui-"
-Acolyte Urath shortly before he literally bumps into a Genestealer

**Generalian**

CCCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Sir?
Yes soldier, that is really how you spell you name.
Really?
Yes its kinda like the same way you spell
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

-A conversation between Creed and a guardsman

**trigger41**

"THe sound is louder than a Meganob falling down a spiral staircase"
-somewhere in the ork codex

**Commisar Wolfie**

"Orkses never lose a battle. If we win we win, if we die we die fightin so it don't count. If we runs for it we dont die neither, cos we can come back for annuver go, see!"
somewhere in the ork codex

**Jon Touchdown**

FIGHTING NIDS

Guardsman Jones: "SIR THEY ARE OVERRUNNI....AGH!!" *Nid noises*

Sergeant Marcus Taitaius: "STOP DYING AND SHOOT HARDER!"

LATER FIGHTING NECRONS

Sergeant Marcus Taitaius:"IF IT BLEEDS WE CAN KILL IT!"

Guardsman Jones: *robotic voice* "Sir they are robots and dont bleed"

Sergeant Marcus Taitaius: "Damn it Jones they bleed Oil!"

-----
Sergeant Marcus Taitaius:

"If you werent the closet thing to a woman in this regiment I would kill you"

"Creed aint got nothing on me."

"Tau are weak, and couldnt lift my sack without a battle suit"

"Kroot burgers.......ironic and delicious"

"DONT

WITH THE EMPEROR

!!!!!"

**Anidem**

im REALLY tempted to use that Lance one next games day

"BLADESTORM!!!I shoot your squad of Black Templars 32 times and wound you. . . . thats, thats a lot of ones" - Me playing my friend

Against the same army later in the game

him: "Well, i just took out your WS with my vindicator. Im going to assault the unit inside, while you work out their placement"
me: "its all according to plan"
him: "I'm black templar, you field an entire army of DA"
me: "not entirely"
*i place the unit that was in the wrecked WS on the table*
him: "what are those"
me: "Howling Banshees"
him: "

"

"We warned you of the price of your actions, now you must pay it in full - in blood" - somewhere in the eldar codex

"There is no art more beautiful and diverse as the art of death" - Laconfir Biel-Tan

**Emperors Faithful**

Commisar Wolfie wrote:"Orkses never lose a battle. If we win we win, if we die we die fightin so it don't count. If we runs for it we dont die neither, cos we can come back for annuver go, see!"
somewhere in the ork codex

Meet...

Emperors Faithful wrote:
"It could be true what they say. Maybe Orks WERE made for fighting and winning. But so far all I see is them getting the gak blown out of them." -Corporal Jendar of the 137th Moxan Artillery

**zane2131**

WELCOME TO THE MARINES!!!!!

-recruiter dreadnought who proceeded to stand on the poor boys back and make him do push ups.
(2 days later jimmy was 200 lbs heavier and receiving his space marine armor)

**cadian512**

"oh... the're unkillable..."
last words of a guardsman during the awakening of a necron tomb

"thats just not fair"
last words of a diferent guardsman guardsman same necron

**Lunchmoney**

"Bah! I dun care if yous scrwny 'bugs wit big brains 'slpode my battle 'agon. Me and myz mega-'ard, super killy, stomp-diddly-umptious nobz squad is going to wreck you and yer sissy sward an' yer tiny lil bug friends." Ghazkull Thraka at the head of 5 meganobs with 30 fully upgraded hormagaunts 5 inches away and a Hive Tyrant 6 inches away.

Two assualt phases later.
"Dude, paroxym is seriously cheating... So is preferred enemy, oh and toxin is f'ed. I concede." - my buddy, the Orc general on turn 3 four days after 'nid 5th Ed release

**Luke_Prowler**

Lunchmoney wrote:"Bah! I dun care if yous scrwny 'bugs wit big brains 'slpode my battle 'agon. Me and myz mega-'ard, super killy, stomp-diddly-umptious nobz squad is going to wreck you and yer sissy sward an' yer tiny lil bug friends." Ghazkull Thraka at the head of 5 meganobs with 30 fully upgraded hormagaunts 5 inches away and a Hive Tyrant 6 inches away.

Two assualt phases later.
"Dude, paroxym is seriously cheating... So is preferred enemy, oh and toxin is f'ed. I concede." - my buddy, the Orc general on turn 3 four days after 'nid 5th Ed release

Are you spying on me?

**JSK-Fox**

"Can't touch this dun dum da dum, da dum da dum..." - Master Sergeant Carhousen, Tactical Terminator, after surviving two power fists wounds because of his crux.

"LETS DO THIS LEEROY! SURE JENKINS! *KABOOM*" - Privates Leeroy and Jenkins, after their bike was destroyed for the 5th battle, within 2 minutes of closing with the foe.

**Space_Potato**

"Don't worry guys, i always pass my psychic test" - My useless Inquisitor, Heironymus Bach

S_P

**Gorskar.da.Lost**

"What'dyer mean, dis ain't Armour-geddem? It sez so on dis 'ere sign!"
"Boss, dat's da Big Mek's Bosspole, and it sez about great discounts, not planits."

Shortly afterward, Gorskar really regretted beheading the mouthy painboy when a bolter round hit him in the shoulder.

**Grey Templar**

Brother marine talking to his sergent.

I have the new report on the Blood Angels Sir.

Good let me see....OK...Red Thirst..interesting....Death company now cost points..good.......Storm Raven....not bad....?...Brother...Yes Sergent?....where's the Stormravens pict?

it doesn't have one Sir........You're kidding me Brother...No Sir....Well thats not so bad I guess

Brother sergent is thinking(don't look at the LRs, don't look at the LRs, o'sweeet emperor don't look at the LRs)

WHAAAAAT IN THE EMPERORS NAME IS THIS?

Wh-what sarg?

THIS....Librarian Dreadnoughts...2 psychic powers.....Blood talons......it can get Wings of Sanguinious.....what are you smiling at brother? you seem relieved?

i though you were looking at the LRs for a second sir.

WHAT about the LRs?

th-th-They can Deep Strike sir.

Sergent promptly has a dual heart attack and dies.

**BloodDrop101X**

*Space Marine* Sir you gave me this awesome gun but nobody ever told me how to aim correctly. *Commanding SM* Aim? were space marines boy we never learned how to aim!

**Smillie**

(IG to his superior) "so your telling me that this flashlight, sorry lasrifle that you've issued me with will, let me get this right, Smite the Xenos"

(Superior) "no but at least on a friday night you can setup your own disco lights in the barracks"

**Kubik**

Last time i played SM with my guard i wanted to field medipack in ccs. I didn't have mini, so my mate borrowed me his apothecary to "count as" veteran with medipack. Then during game, when my ccs tried to shot his devastators.

commander: Plasma guns, FIRE!
(6 plasma shots, one marine dead)
apothecary: Hey, what about me? I can fire too.
commander: Shut up you damn Space Marine. This isn't your fancy bolter. It's god damn flashlight. You can't kill devastator with this s*&t
apothecary: meh, you guardsmen are just bunch of retards who don't know how to use your weapon. Watch this.
(2 lasgun shots, another marine dead)
commander (me):...... .... You gotta be kidding me.....

**Terminus**

Grey Templar wrote:
THIS....Librarian Dreadnoughts...2 psychic powers.....Blood talons......it can get Wings of Sanguinious.....what are you smiling at brother? you seem relieved?

Can't take blood talons on Libbys, but nice try.

**Superscope**

"Oh come on.. they came and saved us.. lets go and thank those space marines.. oh... they look to be coming over here? Do they... want to talk or something?" Guardsman of the Cadian 22ed after the flesh tearers arrive.

**cadian512**

"what you dont know cant hurt you', yeah good luck wth that'
inquisitor gail loken