40k Quote Humor/Fluff

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**FoxPhoenix135**

"What the.... is that a meltabomb?! No, surely that one guy isn't stupid enough to charge our Leman Russes with a single meltabomb.... OMG HE'S COMING RIGHT AT US! SQUADRON, FIRE ON MY TARGET!!!"-- Enemy tank commander, when charged by a lone surviving veteran with the demolitions doctrine.

"NOMNOMNOMNOM!!!"--- My carnifex downing tactical marines like skittles.

"We are Space Marines. A single one of us is equal to a thousand of you puny traitor guardsman. Throw down your weak and ineffectual weapons. We are the ultimate-...." Transmission ends with the crackle and popping of multiple las-rounds puncturing power armor.

**CadianXV**

Guardsman Garvie! Don't touch tha-
Last words of Sergeant L. McVey Cadian XV

Let me tell you one thing boy; jumping out of a Valk is easy. Making sure you don't end up breaking your legs on landing is easy. Jumping out of a Valk under heavy AA fire, scoring three kills before you activate your 'chute, executing a perfect landing, and be moving again in under forty-five seconds isn't. Thats why we're stormtroopers, and you're still a guardsman.
Stormtrooper captain D. Jones to Guardsman P. Henson during a bar dispute

**Generalian**

SIR THE DOOR IS LOCKED!

did you try the handle?

THE HANDLE IS BROKEN!

did you try the key?

WE LOST IT!

did you knock on the door?

YES, BUT THEY WONT LET US IN!

did you walk "through" the door?

.... NO

- Newly recruited Terminator talking to Captain

**Sgt Jelal**

I've always thought the one from Oblivion NPC's works well:
"Whyy... woon't.... yuooo.... dieee?!"
(as he rolls another 1)

**Emperors Faithful**

"Just the bear necesseties, those lovely little recipes of life..."
-Anonymous Lone Wolf

**Generalian**

Sgt Jelal wrote:I've always thought the one from Oblivion NPC's works well:
"Whyy... woon't.... yuooo.... dieee?!"
(as he rolls another 1)

OMG I HAVE HAD THAT HAPPEN TO ME SO MANY TIMES!
Worst was during an apocalypse game when my legendary Land Raider rolled 5 ones, rerolled 3 of them, then rolled 3 more...

I think this quote is in order...

"YOU FORGOT TO CHARGE THE BATTERIES?!?!?!?!" -Sergeant Chronus

**Emperors Faithful**

Hmm, I've said this somwhere before...

Captain: Fire the cyclonic torpedoes!
Sailor: ...Woops.
Captain: What?
Sailor: I sorta...missed.
Captain: You...missed? You missed a whole planet?!?

**mythological**

FOR THE GREATER GOOD, CHARGE!!!!-shas'ui leading his fw squad into battle

FOR THE GREATER GOOD, RUN AWAY!!!!!-shas'ui after the above event

Wait? you're telling me that after each turn we have to land?- new devilfish pilot after learning the skimmer rules

Whats that? it's a bird! it's a plane! No wait it's....(gets mowed down by plasma fire)!!!- Guardmen when my crisis suits deep strike in. hehehe

**Generalian**

would love to see to tainted tau army!

FOR THE GREATER EVIL! -shasui Firehead

**Generalian**

"You know what the say about a guy with big guns..." - Guardsman

**Shadowbrand**

*Slave raider to Commorgh*

*Guardsmen* I don't wana die....

*Space Marine* Foul heretics I shall kill them whilst they have their backs turned.

*Eldar* oh god....

*Shadowbrand* WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I love the spa at commorgh the needle back massage is great!!!
WOOOHOOO SPRING BREAK!!!

**Emperors Faithful**

++Respones to several hours of torture in an Arbites/Inquisitorial Interogation Room++

Imperial Citizen: Please! I'm innoce-AAARRGHH!!!

CSM: Is that measly pain all you can muster, weakling?!?

Eldar: This may hurt now, but I STILL have socks older than you're entire race!

Tau: Boohoo! I give up! F*** the Greater Good. I tell you anything!

Slaanesh Cultist: Oh yes! YESSS!!! Now the left side! The left side! DAMN that feels good! Ah, YES! Now the the other kneecap! God, you have NO IDEA how horny this is making me!

**warboss spinetwizta**

Emperors Faithful wrote:++Respone to several hours of torture in an Arbites/Inquisitorial Interogation Room++

Slaanesh Cultist: Oh yes! YESSS!!! Now the left side! The left side! DAMN that feels good! Ah, YES! Now the the other kneecap! God, you have NO IDEA how horny this is making me!

OMG

**JJBCollect2**

The motivational poster for Chaos featuring Kharne the Betrayer

"When life gives you lemons, BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD"

**person person**

warboss spinetwizta wrote:
Emperors Faithful wrote:++Respone to several hours of torture in an Arbites/Inquisitorial Interogation Room++

Slaanesh Cultist: Oh yes! YESSS!!! Now the left side! The left side! DAMN that feels good! Ah, YES! Now the the other kneecap! God, you have NO IDEA how horny this is making me!

OMG

Funny coz its true.

**Boss 'eadbreaka**

My current and some of my past signatures have all been self-made quotes.

**Tim the Biovore**

'You all know the famous last words "I wonder what this button does?", well that button there does something and I don't want to know the hard way........And I'm going to find out'-Last words of Commisar Doofy.

**Boss 'eadbreaka**

Tim the Biovore wrote:'You all know the famous last words "I wonder what this button does?", well that button there does something and I don't want to know the hard way........And I'm going to find out'-Last words of Commisar Doofy.[/quo

Yes, my sig is similar!!

**Emmkay**

"Relax it's just some ancient human with a primative cutting tool, what harm can he do?"

Pilot of a certain hammerhead shortly before a WH priest took the turret and most of the engine assembly off of it.

"You may call it overkill, I call it making sure."

Colonel Nickolas Von Karak - Cadian 134th after ordering the entire company to level their guns at 5 xenos.

**IronChaos**

"One half of your men are dead, the other half ran away and the other half has been captured" - Warsmith

**I-bounty-hunt-the-elderly**

You realise that's 3/2 of the army?

**IronChaos**

Yes, I realise: that's the humor!!!

**Masaki-kun**

Of course the Wraithlord fell. The second Dreadnought powerfisted him from behind.

**Just Dave**

Kharn the Betrayer whilst leading an assault: "Blood for the Blood Bath!" ... "oh wait, did I just say? God, let me try that again guys..."

**scifi112233**

"Well done with the leg gubbins now ya need some new eyes...." painboy to ork who came in to get a bionic hand

**Little lord Fauntleroy**

Usual quotes from my Howling Griffons-"Sir, The Librarian is dead. Again"-Assorted Marines reporting one of Booky Dweebish's failiures.
"Nya, I wanna kill the Heretics!"-Again, assorted Marines.
"I think you should ask for your money back on that trukk armour. It doesn't work".-Wrex Wraptor, missile launher guy
"I'm a space marine, Lord commissar. I can kill 1000 of your guardsmen with my little toe."-captain Lukas (LEUUUKKKAAAASSSSS!!!!....sorry, random joke that's been going round my store).

And I second the "Whyy... woon't.... yuooo.... dieee?!" quote, when fighting against Vulkan.

"I've hit you 40 times now. JUST. DIE!"

**Emperors Faithful**

Valkryie Pilot- "Like shooting womp rats in my T-16 back home."

Angry Ork- "Ork mad! Ork Angry! Why little man hurt ork?!? Ork Smash little man!!!"

Angry Marine- "Marine MAD! Marine Angry! Little Ork poke Angry Marine! Now Marine RAPE Little Ork!"

**Cambak**

"We're in for some chop." - Ananimous Valkyrie pilot before flying into a hail of AA fire to drop off a squad of Storm Troopers, then exploding into several hundred burning pieces, thus making the largest Fragmentation grenade in Imperial History.

**metallifan**

Ananimous

You mean anonymous?
"I don't need to learn english! I'm never going to England!" - Homer Simpson

Always a classic:

bigbadom wrote:i had a freind come round a few weeks ago to have a 40k apocalpocalpse game i was guards men he was space maines. my first turn was 4 bonbaonbardlements... jacobs turn to he didnt have one i phased out.

Ahh, good old Bonbaonbardlements. That and the genius tactic of putting a piece of cardboard in the middle of the table to hide eachother's forces so that he and his friend need not write down what their army is composed of - even though the lists were there in the intro to the battle report

**person person**

Ahh...back in the days of the thought to be unkillable thread.