Widdy wrote:"WHY WON'T YOU DIE" - bloodthirster getting beaten by seargeant fred
"Try getting up now" - rhino driver after parking on top of my friends necron lord

Terminus wrote:

Grey Templar wrote:
THIS....Librarian Dreadnoughts...2 psychic powers.....Blood talons......it can get Wings of Sanguinious.....what are you smiling at brother? you seem relieved?

Can't take blood talons on Libbys, but nice try.

Grey Templar wrote:the very first Burna was an enterprising mek named Berny.

he thought that fire was a very, very, very interesting phenomena and then one day he noticed that mashed up squig(a favorite spread of his over fungis bread) burned nice and 'ot.

Berny being, in addition to alot of other things, an immense practical joker, decided that holding a good amount of Squig mash in his very large mouth, holding a lighter in front, and squirting squig juice past the flame made a good impliment for a funny show, and sometimes during dinner. later he invented a machine to do the same thing, as a large mouth will only get you so far.

and so Berny invented Burnas, Dinner theatre, and coined the famous ork phrase, Do da Burny dance.

Burny dance was actually coined posthumously, as Berny had a little accident one night. His grots venemously insisted that the holes in his invention's hose pipe and the jury rigged lighter attached to it were purely coencidental. They insisted the the mek was simply dancing.

Luke_Prowler wrote:"Now they look really Dead"

Jon Touchdown wrote:

Sergeant Marcus Taitaius:"IF IT BLEEDS WE CAN KILL IT!"

Guardsman Jones: *robotic voice* "Sir they are robots and dont bleed"

Sergeant Marcus Taitaius: "Damn it Jones they bleed Oil!"

Generalian wrote:Hi Orky Mays here! And today I am showing you the brand new choppa! It slices it dices, it even makes a great rattle for the kids! But thats not all! Its a shaver, a remote, a pen, a pencil and many other useful things in or outside the house! It is even strong enough to chop a daemon prince right down the middle! So order now at this toll free number. 234-232-2342

sc0ttfree wrote:

Generalian wrote:Hi Orky Mays here! And today I am showing you the brand new choppa! It slices it dices, it even makes a great rattle for the kids! But thats not all! Its a shaver, a remote, a pen, a pencil and many other useful things in or outside the house! It is even strong enough to chop a daemon prince right down the middle! So order now at this toll free number. 234-232-2342

Generalian wrote:keeping the forum alive!

MekanobSamael wrote:

Generalian wrote:keeping the forum alive!

Grey Templar wrote:P.S.S BTW: BLOOD

Retrias wrote:Joke stolen from somewhere

Dante: Mephiston, you shall go alone westbound where there's more enemies to be found
Meph: But Chapter Master, isn't that too dangerous? I lost my storm shield when i die....
Dante: Do you doubt my strategic placement, need i remind you that i am the hero our primarch prophecied?
Meph: NO , I am Sorry sir i shall render judgement, *went off*
Dante: Teaches that bastard to beat me on poker nights

Jaon wrote:

Van Braun wrote:(Two Guard, discussing a nearby Multimelta Retributer Sister)

A: I fear her foes, that thing has massive Armour Penetration!
B: Oh Yeah? I'd like to penetrate HER armour!
(Hijinks ensue)

Continued!

*terminator walks up next to them*
I believe I will be deep striking and -power-fisting her.
*Tau steps up*
Well, IT IS for the greater good.
*Tyranid walks up*
Leeeett me devourr herr.
*Eldar walks up*
I believe it is time to get out my vibro-cannon.

*Ork watching from a distance*
...BOSS! DEY IS MUKKIN ABOUT!

Alphapod wrote:Every new squad of Ultramarines:

Ultramarine Scout: "Hey guys, I just realized something. We're Ultramarines, and we're blue. Ultramarine blue. Get it?"

(Chaplain hits him with the Croxius Arcanum)

Chaplain: "Anyone else have anything to say about our name?"

(Other Scouts look around awkwardly)



Tau Fire Warriors: "CHARGE!!!"



Ork Loota: "That's enough Dakka!"

shrike wrote:space wolves not fetching.

tau charging.

an ork saying "too much dakka"

a blood angel saying "too over-the-top and cheesy"

a tyranid that gets full up.

a 5 foot squat.

a 40-year-old guardsman.

a daemon saying "nah, too messed up."

khorne saying "too much blood."

grey knight: "hey, have you ever noticed how we're called grey knights, but we're silver?"
"nah."
"oh well. As you were."

a black templar getting homesick.

a death korpsman crapping himself.

L_Dawg wrote:On all Medi-packs and Nartheciums:
"Usage: Use on any wound caused by enemy shooting or melee attacks."

"Directions: Apply to all squad members."

"Warning: Does not protect from instant death."

Directions on Sanguiniary Priests:
"Directions: Apply to all nearby squads"

GamzaTheChaos wrote:The Emperor of Man in the 41st millennium: "uhh hello? anyone out there? I have been waiting soooo long for a roll of toilet paper....."

Melkhiordarkblade wrote:Kharn: I gave blood today at the local childrens hospital.

BLOOD FOR THE UNDER FUNDED CHILDRENS HOSPITAL!

Anidem wrote:Thinkin his WAAAGH be needin dat extra sumffin. Grazkull, nowing da Meks are always makin moar dakka, turns to Mad Dok to make sumffin splodey. So Dok finishes up his latest kreeashun, Da 'Reeps

Gaurdsman of some random armored division: Uhh, Commander, Sir
CMD: Yes?
GM: the Greenskins are deploying what looks like green blocks
CMD: huh?
GM: and they are moving towards us
CMD: Well, there are too few to waste ammo on, *over vox* prepair to flatten them
'reeps: sssssssssssssssssssssssss. . . .

All coms from the Random Armored Division cut out into a multitude of explosions, followed by static.

Big Mek Dattrukk wrote:Grot: SHUT UP YA BIG GREEN MORON! NOW DROP AN GIMME 50!!

shrike wrote:forrest grot:
"My runtherd always said- Life was like a looted wagon. You never know what you're gonna get."

"Have you found Mork yet, grot?
I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him, boss."


"Anyway, like I was sayin', squig is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, squig-kabobs, squig creole, squig gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple squig, lemon squig, coconut squig, pepper squig, squig soup, squig stew, squig salad, squig and potatoes, squig burger, squig sandwich. That- that's about it."

"Sometimes, I guess there just aren't enough bullets."

"It was a bullet, wasn't it?
A bullet?
That jumped up and bit you.
Oh, yes boss. Bit me right in the buttocks. They said it was a million-teef wound, but the army must keep those teef 'cause I still haven't seen any of that million teef."

"My given name is Buzzhed Bashy Blue, but people call me Bubba. Just like one of them ol' freeboota boyz. Can you believe that?
My name's Forrest Grot. People call me Forrest Grot."

"I had run for 3 years, 2 months, 14 days, and 16 hours.
Quiet, quiet! He's gonna say something!
...I'm pretty tired... I think I'll go home now."

anyway...

Mr Nobody wrote:Chaos space marine theme song of late: "We are the pirates who don't do anything, we like to stay at home and lay around..."

DeadGaurd wrote:@shrike : Mork Damn it grot! That is the most outstanding answer I have ever heard You are gonna be a Boss someday!

Aun'shi wrote:Nurgle-Ahh, what a putrid, pox ridden festering day it is...
(Kitten drops out of the sky)
Nurgle- WHAT IS THAT! GET IT AWAY! Khorne! halp!
(Nurgle throws up)

shrike wrote:continued:
nurgle gets annoyed and goes to the bunnie's homeworld, and jumps in on thier tea party.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! ICKY!!!"
*Throws up*
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! THROW-UP!!!"
*Throws up*
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! THROW-UP ON THROW-UP!!!"
*Throws up*
ect.

Aun'shi wrote:*Continued, continued*
(Tzeentch raps knuckles on the table while watching nurgle)
*Sigh*
Tzeentch- Slaanesh get a chair this may be a while.
Slaanesh- Anytime Tzeentch babe.
Tzeentch-DROP IT!

Asherian Command wrote:"What the hell do you mean we out of ammo?" - Imperial Guard Commander after inspecting the ammo crates.

"You can't see me, because I can't see them." Night Legionary.

"Time to donate some blood!" Blood Angels.

"Knowledge is weakness and do not guard it well." Bone Hawk Librarian.

"Nannananannanannananananannanananannaannan BATMAN!"- Konrad Cruze when coming out of the shadows.

"My name is Commander Shepherd and this is my most favorite store in the Galaxy."

"So let me get this straight we are just going to stay here with missiles that auto detect any weaknesses in anything? Like this fortress? And we have a very unprotected munitions and budwiser containment room, that is a flaw in its design. That does not seem like a bad idea? What the hell mate." -Crimson Fist Techmarine.

"Brothers we shall USE STEEL RHAIN!" -Captain BS

Chaos Lord Gir wrote:Custodian:... Anyone ever tried simply turning the Golden Throne off and on again?

shrike wrote:"I've found a way to kill necrons and save the emperor! Give the necrons the emperor's virus and install norton to the golden throne!"

Wardragoon wrote:Techpriest-"We've found a ancient disc from long before even the emperor took the throne, it is said to be able to defeat any Technology, it is marked windows Vista"

Murdock129 wrote:Necron: "This ancient Cybernetic Xenos machine has encountered a problem and needs to close. Would you like to send an error report?"

Space Marine: "Is anyone else embarrassed that we all turned up in the same outfit?"

White Scar Rhino Driver: "They see me rollin, they laughin', And rollin' their eyes 'cause I'm so white n' nerdy"

Space Marine: "Oompa Loompa doompadee doo!"
Squat: er

Jaon wrote:Tzeentch: "Ok, wtf just happened"

Khorne: " Live, Heal, Soothe!"

Nurgle: "Thats disgusting"

Slaanesh: "Thats a bit kinky.."

Blohd Rehvens Spess Murheen: "FOR SKITTLEES!" (Cookie to anyone who recognises the quote)

OoieGoie wrote:Eldar on their day off: "1,000,000 channels and nothing good on"

Well, thats my joke for 9 pages. sigh*

prime12357 wrote:Magnus - "ITS A TRAAAP!"

Nightrave wrote:Abbadon after his capture of a blackstone fortress

ABA DABA DOOO!!!


Eldar in the Dawn of War two games "....crap" (hellboy voice)
Eldar after slaneesh was born "....crap" (hellboy voice)

Space wolves upon finding out there is no beer left in the hold ".....crap" (hellboy voice)

purplefood wrote:

Wardragoon wrote:

purplefood wrote:

L_Dawg wrote:Wasn't it meddling kids, not stupid kids?

Somehow i don't think abbadon ever caught early morning TV... or Scooby-doo... or cartoons in general for that matter.

and that is why abaddon truly became a heretic, no saturday morning cartoons

Does that mean Creed watched a lot of them? What does that say about the emperor... and his 'webway' or more likely his giant telly!

Wardragoon wrote:

purplefood wrote:

Wardragoon wrote:

purplefood wrote:

L_Dawg wrote:Wasn't it meddling kids, not stupid kids?

Somehow i don't think abbadon ever caught early morning TV... or Scooby-doo... or cartoons in general for that matter.

and that is why abaddon truly became a heretic, no saturday morning cartoons

Does that mean Creed watched a lot of them? What does that say about the emperor... and his 'webway' or more likely his giant telly!

maybe the astronomicon is a massive tv(nids want to watch tv too)

shrike wrote:>screech!< OMNOMNOM >scuttle< OMNOMNOM >scratch< OMNOMNOM >clack<
With a translator:
">Aw, man!< OMNOMNOM >this galaxy has no disney channel either!< OMNOMNOM >Hey! Apparently the emperor has a 10,000" TV!< OMNOMNOM >C'mon then!<"

Chaos Lord Gir wrote:Tau generals discussing how to combat the Tyranid threat

Ethereal:....We could... Shoot it some more?

*cheers of applause erupts from the commanders*

Ethereal: OR! We move backwards, and THEN shoot! No one would expect that!

Matt.Kingsley wrote:

shrike wrote:

Wardragoon wrote:

Mr Nobody wrote:Human- "high five"

Tau- ".... racist"

"down low"-Human
"this guy is really a racist"-Squat

"up high!"- human
"okay!" *smack*- power-fisted space marine
"AAAAAAAARGH!!! My arm!"- human
what goes around...

Racist marine on dessert planet:... Down low too slow!
Necron: PROCESSING DATA. BLEEP! Racist...

Racist space marine on ice planet: down low too sl...ARHHG!
Necron: HA HA HA

Space marine 1: damn! Necrons! My hellfire bullets won't work!
SM2: techmarine gave me new improved hellfire bullets! Let's see if they work
Blam!
Necron: downloading newly aquied data. (virus takes hold) blam!

Sm1 necrons! Use your bullets!
Blam!
Necron: doanloading data.... Virus detected! Activating AVG anti virus software
Sm1&2: $&@?!

Ribon Fox wrote:"THOUGH I FACE THE SHADOWS OF THE WARP,

I SHALL FEAR NO EVIL, I SHALL FEAR NO FOE!

FOR I HAVE MOAR DAKKA THAN YOU, BITCHES!"

A clunk made me turn around, to see the Gray Knight Athos facepalm.

"That makes no sense, Michael."

Wardragoon wrote:Captain of White Ravens with powerfist
"FALCON PUNCH!!!!"

Melkhiordarkblade wrote:Sister of Battle:(soob) "But Sister Superior I just can't do it,my bust is too big to fit in my armour".

Sister superior:"It's ok,we'll go down to the infirmary and get them reduced".

Meanwhile in the Warp

Slaanesh:"I sense a disdurbense in the Force".

purplefood wrote:Tau 1:For the greater good!
Tau 2:What?
Tau 1:The greater good. the principles underlying our society and philosophy.
Tau 2:Oh...
Tau 1:Why what did you think it was?
Tau 2:Well... i thought... i thought they said the greater food
Tau 1:... I can see how you would be disappointed
Tau 2:Yeah...

Big Mek Dattrukk wrote:Random Gaurdsman 22,343,723,736,257: Wow, I've never met an Ultra Marine before...

Ork Kommando: dis humie makes grots look smart.

shrike wrote:

Big Mek Dattrukk wrote:Random Gaurdsman 22,343,723,736,257: Wow, I've never met an Ultra Marine before...

Ork Kommando: dis humie makes grots look smart.

I thought I'd make another little segment- "40k quotes that will never exist".
Here they are:
imperial fist: "RUN AWAY!!! FLEE!!! FALL BACK!!! RETREAT!!!"
Ork mek: "Nah, too much dakka"
dreadnought: "How the f*** to I scratch my ****?!"
Ork: "The quantum physics...cannon is pi times the radius...to the power of..."
necron A: "Wakey wakey!" necron B: "Uhmmph...five more years..."

Viktor von Domm wrote:lol these are really cool^^

imperial fist: "RUN AWAY!!! FLEE!!! FALL BACK!!! RETREAT!!!"

my favorite so far...

shrike wrote:gribbly A- "Ya know, I'm kinda full up."
gribbly B- "Yeah, but you should totally, like, biomorph to have devourers. They're the new fleshborer!"
gribbly A- "That would so go with my carapace!"
gribbly B- "I was totally thinking that, too. I'm trying to lose a bit of weight right now."
gribbly A- "I might do the same."
gribbly B- "That'd be so, like, awesome. See you next world!"
gribbly A- "See ya, babes."

tau- "Wanna practice close-combat?"

farseer- "Guys- about our whole race declining thing."
autarch- "Yes?"
banshee- "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
farseer- "Ignore her. It's that time of the month again."
autarch- "oh."
farseer- "yeah. Anyway, I have an idea."
banshee- "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
autarch- "I'm listening..."
farseer- "How about we actually practice making new weapons of war and fighting instead of flower picking and tea parties."
autarch- "NEVAH!!!"

DeadGaurd wrote:Emprah upon seeing Sangunios dead, "that makes me a sad panda"

camboyaz wrote:Tau: Charge!!!!!!!!

Orks: Bigger izn't bettar!

AlmightyWalrus wrote:In the immortal words of Commissar Nice:

"Aww! C'mere you, have some cookies and a hug!"

chowderhead13 wrote:"I'm too old for this gak" - The oldest Cadian, age 29.

Chaos Lord Gir wrote:Guardsmen 1: Uh, Commissar, are you sure these uplifting primers are totally correc-*BLAM*

Commissar: Next?

shrike wrote:

Chaos Lord Gir wrote:Guardsmen 1: Uh, Commissar, are you sure these uplifting primers are totally correc-*BLAM*

Commissar: Next?

guardsmen 2: Uh, commissar, there's a typo in these upli-*BLAM*
next?
...30 years later...
guardsmen 3,019,031: Uh, commis-*BLAM*
*sigh*...next?

Space_Potato wrote:Squats.

<_<
>_>

S_P

Van Braun wrote:(Two Guard, discussing a nearby Multimelta Retributer Sister)

A: I fear her foes, that thing has massive Armour Penetration!
B: Oh Yeah? I'd like to penetrate HER armour!
(Hijinks ensue)

shrike wrote:hive tyrant- "FLICK THE SWITCH!"
zoat- "yesss, massster..."

RutgerMan wrote:Necron : "W'ell be back"

Arnie in terminator armour : "U STOLE MY LINE!!"

Chaos Lord Gir wrote:Guardsmen 13: Gak, my lasgun jammed!

Guardsmen 3623:...Bu...But it has NO moving parts!?

Viktor von Domm wrote:well it is in fact the machinespirit thats jamming around ...used the laser as a cd drive...and probably as a discolight too...

shrike wrote:

Viktor von Domm wrote:well it is in fact the machinespirit thats jamming around ...used the laser as a cd drive...and probably as a discolight too...

I can just imagine a lasgun with strobe lights flashing out the barrel and muffled "YMCA"
"trooper, what's your lasgun doing?"
"uuh, the hokey cokey I thi-"
*blam*

Viktor von Domm wrote:i guess if a guardsman would say music has taken his soul then he would be instantly shot too on account of being taken over by the powers of the warp...gives a whole new meaning to the term noise marine...

Mordoskul wrote:GOTHIC MOTHAFETHA, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!

purplefood wrote:"I have a lovely bunch of coconuts, doob de doo, all there standing in a row, big ones small one, some as big as your head"-Lysander's repeated words during his incarceration by the Iron Warriors.

Jaon wrote:*Cannones Pyros Maniacallus to heavy flamer retribution squad*
"FIRE!"

Saintspirit wrote:An army of Necrons are attacked by an army of Ultramarines, and they flee. Why? Well, you see...

Necron Lord: Aah! The bluescreen of death! My immortal enemy. Retreat!

Mr Nobody wrote:Human- "high five"

Tau- ".... racist"

Big Mek Dattrukk wrote:"Grots 401 on Strike!"
" Fewer Kicks, better Dakka!"

awb wrote:I got told this one by a friend between ultramarine and sob

Ultramarine: So wanna go out?
SOB1: Well....
SOB2: Shes mine
Ultramarine: Awkward..

Superscope wrote:"We ain't winning? Black Rage Quit!" random Blood angel marine before ripping his power armor off and beating people to death with it.

purplefood wrote:"Hey, Can any of you guys play bass?"-Noisemarine sergeant

AlmightyWalrus wrote:"Damn! There's nothing in "De Gloria Macharia" about THIS!" - Ursarkar E. Creed.

purplefood wrote:"Sir we're under attack!"
"Okay just let me find the page!"
-Vox capture from Ultramarine command post during the battle for Macragg.

Wardragoon wrote:CSM 1:"Sir we just caught the person who managed to outflank us with a platoon of cadians"
Chaos Leader:"Finally Creed is in my hands"
CSM 2:"Uhm no sir its not he"
Chaos Leader"Well then who the hell is it"
CSM 1:"some person who identifies himself as Bond, James Bond"

Viktor von Domm wrote:Chaos Leader: well then shake him and stirr whats left of him...

purplefood wrote:"Do you feel lucky?"-Stenciled on the side of "Traitor" a plasma gun used by the command squad of 3rd platoon, 8th company, 14th Cadian regiment responsible for the death of over 20 men.

The Kilted Samurai wrote:Carnifex as he's killing Cadians: "I JUST WANT TO BE WUUUVED!!!"

shrike wrote:L- chaos lord
C- creed
M- minion

M- "sir, we found someone who outflanked 3 baneblades"
L- "FINALLY! I HAVE CREED!!!"
M- "Yes."
L- "BRING HIM TO ME!"
*Brings creed forwards*
L- "I have you know, you sucker."
C- "It's pronounced Usarkar."
L- "...Shut up."
C- "There's one thing you haven't noticed."
L- "what?!"
C- "ow many baneblades to I normally crush you with?"
L- "20..."
M- "hmmm...OH MY GOD LOOK O-"
L- "CREEEEEEEEEED!!!"
*17 Baneblades appear from behind a bush and open fire*
C- "heh heh heh..."
*chomps on cigar*

The Kilted Samurai wrote:Imperial Guard Sarge runs up on the battlefield to a group of guradsmen surround by a dead Captain.

Sarge: What happened here, how did the captain die?

Guardsman: He was killed and eaten by a group of Kroot mercenaries, sir!

Sarge Well I guess, *puts sun glasses on* he didn't know his kroots...


YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

purplefood wrote:"Shhhh it's a secret"-Dark Angels official motto
"Boo"-Konrad Curze

Chaos Lord Gir wrote:Creed and Kell are captured by Abbadon, the Chaos Marines all gather around the pair of men as the Despoiler himself interrogates them-

Abbadon: Ah the infamous Creed himself, in the flesh. Not that I intend on on allowing you such a luxury for long. But who is your friend my men have captured so?

Kell glances between Abbadon and Creed rapidly, he is no coward but being confronted by a being whose sent millions to their graves tends to shake ones nerves.

Creed clears his throat and just says quietly,
'Don't tell him your name Kell- Oh by the Golden Throne >.<'

Abbadon: KELL IT IS!


(Whoever gets the refference, +20 points)

shrike wrote:No clue, but just guessing:
Blackadder?
Monty python?

When IG first encountered Jokaero:
"IG see, IG do."
"Hey!"
"what?"
"we say Jokaero see, Jokaero do."
"Hey!"
"what?"

"Doctor, I'd like to kiss you goodbye."
"Alright, but you're so damn ugly."

ect.

purplefood wrote:Yay!
And now back to our scheduled programme.
"And i would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for those stupid kids and Creed!"-Abbadon the Despoiler on the stalling of the 13th Black Crusade

L_Dawg wrote:Wasn't it meddling kids, not stupid kids?

Wardragoon wrote:

L_Dawg wrote:Wasn't it meddling kids, not stupid kids?

I'm just imagining creed saying that to abaddon and the expected response from abaddon

purplefood wrote:

L_Dawg wrote:Wasn't it meddling kids, not stupid kids?

Somehow i don't think abbadon ever caught early morning TV... or Scooby-doo... or cartoons in general for that matter.

Wardragoon wrote:

purplefood wrote:

L_Dawg wrote:Wasn't it meddling kids, not stupid kids?

Somehow i don't think abbadon ever caught early morning TV... or Scooby-doo... or cartoons in general for that matter.

and that is why abaddon truly became a heretic, no saturday morning cartoons

Wardragoon wrote:"Make Dakka not waagh"-A boy who had just taken a bolter round to the head

Wardragoon wrote:"I'm out of ammo"-what really caused the Eye of Terror

Devastator wrote:"do the barrel roll!" C.S Goto

Chaos Lord Gir wrote:'Thou shalt refrain from replacing the oxygen tanks in thy masters rebreather with helium, no matter how amusing this be to thy humour!'

daBIGboss wrote:fulgrim going to greet his newly discovered brother Perturabo

fulgrim: Welcome Perturabo, I am your broth-

Perturabo: HAHAHA WHY ARE YOU DRESSED IN PINK HAHAH AND THAT LONG HAIR! YOU LOOK LIKE A WOMAN!! IM GONNA CALL YOU FERGIE! HAHAH

fulgrim: SHUT UP IM PERFECT!!! *RUNS AWAY CRYING*

danp164 wrote:"NEVER GUNNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GUNNA LET YOU DOWN, NEVER GUNNA TURN AROUND AND HURT YOU"

*The noise Emperors Children Sonic weapons ACTUALLY make.


Thats right IoM, your being Rick roll;ed to death.

shrike wrote:If I did CSM, the first thing I'd do would be to convert some rockin' noise marines with amps, guitars and drums.

When genestealers first did the brain-control thing on guardsmen:
Sarge- "OMNOMNOM"
IG 1- "Sir?"
Sarge- "yassss?"
IG 1- "What's with the wierd noises?"
Sarge- "OMNOMNOM"
IG 1- "AAAARGH!"
IG 2- "OMG you just ate Keith!"
Sarge- "Uhh, heretic...?"
IG 1- "Oh, right."
Sarge- "OMNOMNOM"
IG 2- "AAAARGH!"
IG 3- "OMG you just ate Dave!"
Sarge- "heretic."
IG 3- "Oh, right."
Sarge- "OMNOMNOM"
ect.

DickBandit wrote:Necron Lord: Prepare the Monolith
Monolith: 404 File not found
Necron Lord: ...

shrike wrote:

DickBandit wrote:Necron Lord: Prepare the Monolith
Monolith: 404 File not found
Necron Lord: ...

****bandit- you may have found the way to kill necrons. Just give them a load of viruses, or subscribe them to every website ever. They'll be bogged down in popups and thus will be blind...
That or live underwater. RUST!!!

Dashofpepper wrote:Random Guardsman fighting against a Xenos enemy and getting a headshot: "Owned."

Any Tyranid: "RAWR!"

vleermie wrote:IG: Sir! We captured a servant of nurgle!
snooki: for the last time who is nurgle?!

Warboss ZanZag wrote:Cunning Warboss Speach: The goal of this year’s Waargh is to establish a dialogue between the different approaches to create a space for a constructive discussion of ideas about human nature and understanding.
Ork Grunt: Uuh? I betta like dem bosses stronger den cunning!

Footsloggin wrote:Gaunts: "Click Click screetch screetch, scratch"

"Uhh, what are the Tyranids doing?"- last words spoken on Amphilion Base


"Dey stole our taktik!"- Ork boy under attack from Hive Fleet Jormungandr

shrike wrote:A tale of two guardsmen:

1- "Hey, Bob, I hear we're fighting chaos today."
2- "So?"
1- "You going?"
2- "nah."
1- "Can I use your plasma gun?"
2- "nah."
1- "Why?"
2- "It's mine."
1- "You're not using it!"
2- "so?"
1- "I want it!"
2- "so?"
1- "That's not fair!"
2- "so?"
1- "stoppit!"
2- "...so?"
1- "that makes no sense!"
2- "so?"
1- "AAAAAAARGH!!!"
2- "..."
1- "..."
2- "so?"
*suicide*

Chaos Lord Gir wrote:Calm down there Shrike

Catachans are gathered around a camp fire, drinking and swapping rumours of famous Catachan commanders around;

Catachan 1: Well I once heard that Sergeant Harker actually strangled a ravenger with his bare hands!

Catachan 2: Well thats nothing, ol' Iron Hand strangled a Chaos Lord with nothing more than a piece of rope and several taunts

Catachan 3 looks up from the fire and glares at them all: Horus lowered the shields on his battle barge cause Sly Marbo told him to.

The Catachans sink their gaze back the fire, stunned.

Viktor von Domm wrote:so is sly marbo chuck norris in the year 40k then???

Chaos Lord Gir wrote:Damn thing close enough IMO.

Hes just a guardsmen yet pulls off feats that wouldn't of shamed the elite warriors of pre HH

All whilst in flak armour.

shrike wrote:Well, that means Ram-MARBO is 10,000 years old at least.

Viktor von Domm wrote:bet he got nuts as hard as steelbullets or better adamantium...

vik

Wardragoon wrote:

Viktor von Domm wrote:bet he got nuts as hard as steelbullets or better adamantium...

vik

....what would happen if creed and marbo teamed up

Chaos Lord Gir wrote:The tactical genius of a out-flanking demo charge.

As in Marbo would come in one side, and several thousand kilos of high explosive the other.

Mr Nobody wrote:Tzeentch- "are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

shrike wrote:

Wardragoon wrote:

Viktor von Domm wrote:bet he got nuts as hard as steelbullets or better adamantium...

vik

....what would happen if creed and marbo teamed up

Then:
-da emprah will rise.
-da gribblies will flee back where they came from.
-da orks will follow.
-da eldar and tau will date and dance off in the opposite direction to the 'nids and orks.
-da chaos gods will get killed by creed/marbo/emprah.
-CSM will collapse and die.
-daemons (and mephiston) will disintegrate.
-da warp will close for evah.
-The necrons wake up, see the sh** going on, and go back to sleep, to wake up with aftershave on thier face and the word "penis" insribed on thier face 10,000 years later.
-squats return, get drunk with SW, and die during a dare-race through the ever-closing warp.
-BA succumb to the black rage, have loads of fun beating the sh** out of each other, and die.

Painnen wrote:Keywords spoken by Chaos Sorc's when casting Lash of Submission: "Get over here!" -in homage to Scorpion.

Chaos Lord Gir wrote:

Painnen wrote:Keywords spoken by Chaos Sorc's when casting Lash of Submission: "Get over here!" -in homage to Scorpion.

Nice



Guardsmen 14525213: Has anyone noticed we're just as effective shooting at somthing hundreds of meters away, as we are at somthing like 15 feet away. That just makes no sens-BANG

Commissar: Any one else have any revalations whilst we're here?

Wardragoon wrote:Creed outflanks a Lord Comissar in front of an enemy army of imperial guard, they try to run, but they have a commisar, world subsequently implodes

Reanimator wrote:Konrad curze: congratulations captain on your promotion to equerry of the primarch.

Captain: thank you sir.

Curze: by the way you'll now be required to wear this cape and mask.

Captain: sir?

Curze: and you will be known as robin. Questions?

L_Dawg wrote:

shrike wrote:

Wardragoon wrote:

Viktor von Domm wrote:bet he got nuts as hard as steelbullets or better adamantium...

vik

....what would happen if creed and marbo teamed up

Then:
-da emprah will rise.
-da gribblies will flee back where they came from.
-da orks will follow.
-da eldar and tau will date and dance off in the opposite direction to the 'nids and orks.
-da chaos gods will get killed by creed/marbo/emprah.
-CSM will collapse and die.
-daemons (and mephiston) will disintegrate.
-da warp will close for evah.
-The necrons wake up, see the sh** going on, and go back to sleep, to wake up with aftershave on thier face and the word "penis" insribed on thier face 10,000 years later.
-squats return, get drunk with SW, and die during a dare-race through the ever-closing warp.
-BA succumb to the black rage, have loads of fun beating the sh** out of each other, and die.

Closed warp = no faster than light travel or psyker powers. That warp is pretty important to practically every race except the 'Nids.

Mr Nobody wrote:"DAMNIT, WHO PAINTED MY THRONE PINK!" the reason for Khorne's anger and his rivalry with Slaanesh.

Big Mek Dattrukk wrote:"Hrm, dis piece goes here, and dat piece... I NEED MORE GLUE!!!"- one of Grotsnik's orderlies, mere moments before Nobs all across the camp began to have their last headaches.

shrike wrote:Creed's speech- "Guardsmen numbering untold billions..."
serf- "actually the cadian imperial guard number at exactly 4,382,739,935 men, 745 leman russes, 472 basilisk batteries, 3 titan legions and 838832 battle-servitors."
Creed- "...Guardsmen numbering 4,382,739,935- what force in the universe can hope to withstand our wrath?"
serf- "4,382,739,936 guardmen, 4,382,739,937 guardsmen, 4,382,739,938 guardmen, 4,382-"
*smash*
"Guardsmen numbering untold billions..."

Jaon wrote:

Exopheric wrote:"Your destruction is the will of the God-Emperor and we are His instrument!"- Canoness Miranda of the Order of The Amber Dawn

In Amber Clad, you BUTCHER!

You mixed it with Forward Unto Dawn!

(You are quoting halo 3 right?)

Kurgash wrote:Flayed One: "You're wearing Mordian? That is soooo last century. Valhallan is the new Cadian!"

Wardragoon wrote:"Horus I never even liked you, hell I liked 2 and 11 more, and I didn't even name them!"-Emperors words that truly caused Horus to rebel

Chaos Lord Gir wrote:Two space marines are in the infrimary after a victorious battle against the orks

Marine 1: I took acouple of rockets to the chest and back, Ork scum managed to cripple my spine, what are you in for?

Marine 2: Lost my arm down planet side

Marine 1: I heard you were part of the strike team which assassinated the Ork warboss, did he cleave your arm off?

Marine 2: No, I high fived the Commander after we totally kicked the Warbosses ass.

Marine 1:...Then ho-

Marine 2: Powerfist.


editted my stupid spelling errors.

stompydakka wrote:

Chaos Lord Gir wrote:editted my stupid spelling errors.

ROFL

Exopheric wrote:

Jaon wrote:

Exopheric wrote:"Your destruction is the will of the God-Emperor and we are His instrument!"- Canoness Miranda of the Order of The Amber Dawn

In Amber Clad, you BUTCHER!

You mixed it with Forward Unto Dawn!

(You are quoting halo 3 right?)

Yep, and the mixing was deliberate; I thought it sounded a little more like a Sororitas Order.

danp164 wrote:Deep beneath the fortress citadel that is The Fang, the space wolves true elite await the call to action, for their foe is mighty and terrible, their task insurmountable, the odds stacked against them. Not for glory these unsung heroes, there would be none, forgotten would they be by the annals of time.

Their skill unmatched with a blade, the Space Wolves Barbers awaited this new great task, Grimnar descended into the depths of their realm.

It was time for a shave.

Chaos Lord Gir wrote:

danp164 wrote:Deep beneath the fortress citadel that is The Fang, the space wolves true elite await the call to action, for their foe is mighty and terrible, their task insurmountable, the odds stacked against them. Not for glory these unsung heroes, there would be none, forgotten would they be by the annals of time.

Their skill unmatched with a blade, the Space Wolves Barbers awaited this new great task, Grimnar descended into the deths of their realm.

It was time for a shave.

+1!


Company commander: Guardsmen 152341! How in the name of the God Emperor didn't that Plasma cannon kill you??!

Guardsmen 152341: Well, all I saw was this bright flash and my squad members just vaporising and I heard a...Rolling sound over the half finished cries of my comrades, and when I looked up all I saw was a number 1 floating over my head, and I was completely left unharmed...

shrike wrote:
time for a shave +1.

IF captain- "sergeant! Why are you falling back?! We are the imperial fist, the sons of dorn, the-"
sergeant- "It's scary!"
capt.- "what happened?"
sgt.- "They got dave!"
capt.- "Where's his body?"
*sgt points in several different places*
"There, there, a little bit over there and here."
...
"Fall back!"

Melissia wrote:"The willing find redemption in service to the Emperor. The unwilling find redemption in the blessed agony of purifying fire."

Fun times.

Mordoskul wrote:Guardsman kills a Chaos Marine with a lasgun;

Guardsman: Guys, hey guys, I actually killed someone! With a lasgun! Ha ha!

purplefood wrote:"Well first we get a normal Imperial guard regiment, then we give each guardsman a tank"-Creation of an armoured regiment

Henners91 wrote:"WE HAVE PLACED NUMEROUS BEACONS ALLOWING FOR MULTIPLE, SIMULTANEOUS AND DEFENSIVE SIMULTANEOUS DEFENSIVE AND MULTIPLE DEEP STRIKES.... DEEEP STRIIIIKES".

Oh wait, that actually happened...


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Marine: "They took our metal boxes!"
Company Commander: "Right then, screw it... I'm going home."

purplefood wrote:"There are 2 rules for the Inquisition, the first is we don't talk about the Inquisition. The second is exterminatus' don't actually work"-Inquisitor Aldron ret.

Mr Nobody wrote:Plague Marine- "free hugs day!"

Mordoskul wrote:Guardsmen on a Plague Marine's low Initiative- Ew, shoot them before they touch us!

ChiliPowderKeg wrote:Tau Hammerhead tank commander speeding into the fray: IM ON A GODDAMN SHARK! RAWR!!!
THSS Termie: *facepalm*

Wardragoon wrote:

ChiliPowderKeg wrote:
THSS Termie: *facepalm*

better yet
Apothecarian: what happened to your sergeant?
Marine: he facepalmed with a powerfist