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We really need to get you a girlfriend Verviedi. Maybe we can get that enginseer to come back. She sounds nice

...Are you threatening to hook me up with someone?

Why yes. Yes I am. You've seemed a bit tense lately. We only do this because we care Verviedi.
*straps him to a chair*
Now, I'm going to go find some girls for you, I've signed you up for Emperor.com, the 41st Millenium dating site. Deal with it.

Courting in humanity is strange.

*shakes head and starts carving a wooden statue*

Isn't Emperor 80% male and 18% bot?

No, that's Mechanicum.com. I figured you didn't want a half metal girlfriend given that you're entirely fleshy now.

 Verviedi wrote:
Or, you just know what you like and seek out people who could provide it. Wait, generals are allowed to consort with Commissariat officers?

To be fair, it was really one of those "morning after" discoveries. At which point, you know, you're aboard a cruiser headed to some unfamiliar solar system and someone's made you breakfast, and there's eggs, and it's very hard to pretend you have other places to be.
[Scratches ear] And technically we're allowed to consort with anyone outside the commissariat, as we're external to the Astra Militarum ranking system. We just can't play with our own cadets or Lord Commissars.

50% metal? Nahh, perhaps large percentage polymorphic alloy with a synthskin coating. I don't discriminate.
*Listens to self*
I digress.
*Hears BC*
All you need is a warm breakfast with eggs? That's interesting. Was the food at least good?

All I need? Do you know how scarce real eggs are in the Imperium?

If they ever discover this room as a source of food, we're done for.

[Looks at ceiling] It was... okay. Until I came here I didn't really know any better in terms of food.

Sounds like love to me BC.
*to Verviedi*
Now, what are you looking for in a woman? I'm making your profile

[Growls] I never said it was a proud moment in my life, okay?
But as poor decisions go, a good night, a good breakfast, and abuse on tap sort of made up for being dragged off to fight in a campaign I hadn't signed up for.

Em, reasonably intelligent, not blonde or too light-haired, not fat, but not skeletal, and nice face.
Also no psychological issues. Feth that nonsense.

*typing on the computer*
Well, there you go. Now you just have to wait till someone shows interest then little Verviedi will be all grown up!
*sniffles*

[Wanders past and unstraps Verviedi]
Are you actually pimping the tech priest online? [Sighs]

Here, let me help. [Adds two short lines underneath and submits profile again]

Hey look, you got an email. Two. Five. Okay, I'm coming out of the way. [Retreats from pc]

I would normally shoot you for saying something like that.
*Released from chair*
Oh, what did yo uwrite?

*sees what BC wrote and goes pale*
You don't want to know.
*begins edging away from the computer*

Of course I bloody want to know, it's my profile. I want to know what I said I was up for!

*is now sprinting away from the computer*
*jumps into a barrel and hides*
Oh feth!

[Looks confused] I just said that you are able to concentrate on more than one task at once, and know how to operate mechadendrites if strictly necessary.

Apparently those are things folk are looking for.
I'd start filtering if I were you, some of those Dark Eldar appear to be fairly ambiguous.

Huh, that one's extremely attractive, but hobbies include "Locking people in small boxes and stabbing swords through the box."
Pass.
Nope, blonde... Nope, that's a guy in drag...

[Takes details of the first profile V turned down] [And the third]
Hey, you never know. If the Daemonette ever gets bored of me, I gotta have a back up plan.

[Yawns and heads to bed] [Looks quizzically at WK on way past]

*pops out of the barrel and gets out sheephisly*
Sorry, thought he was going to be real mad about that.
*Succubus walks out of the barracks and begins stalking toward Verviedi*
Uh oh

Fourth, ooh, that's interesting, dark hair, fairly decent figure, but part Eldar...

*Succubus grabs Verviedi and begins dragging him off towards the barracks*
I think I just got dumped for the clone... Oh well.

Protesting is only going to make this worse, isn't iiiiiiiiiiitttttt!!
*Disappears into darkness of barracks*

*leaves tank and notices pc open on webpage*

emperor book.. Il just lend a little hand... Theses lot, not bad, could be better....perfect.
*makes several tiny adjustments to profile and match rate goes up 375% and filters the more insane out*

*walks off for tea while messages add up quickly*

[Runs into barracks and hauls Verviedi out] Trust me, this is not the introduction to the "female" form that you want or need.
[Dodges a well-aimed knife that embeds itself in doorway at face height]

[Points over at WK] [Too Succubus] Blame him! He said you were too good to share!

[Grabs Verviedi and starts running] Whilst she's "distracted".

*a second represser drives through the guard barracks setting it on fire, a sister jumps out, grabs V , waves to maria and drives off*

Oh, she,s early. That's umm sister marla, the one from the macha video...... She,l bring him back mostly intact. I thought he needed cheering up ....

*goes back to tea*
Ummn yeah, she kinda is well, ..... He,l be happy when he returns.....

*looks on at slightly falling down flaming guard barracks*

That will paint over right....

Oh, thank goodness. I didn't want-
*Dragged into repressor*
What-the-feth-I-thought-they-were-actors!!!

*shouts*

She,s real, enjoy.

*watches tank drive off out of the barracks*
*looks at others*
He,l be fine, just need a few days to recover, she gets rather .... Well, energetic