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The Fortunately-Unfortunately Game

The Rules of this game are simple: One person starts a story using a phrase such as:

One day, there was this guardsman named jeff

Then the next person must post a phrase about the previous post, but it must start with Fortunately or Unfortunately:

Unfortunatley, he was a heretic

The next person after that must post a message begining with the other word, so if the last post started with fortunately, then the next would start with unfortunately and vise versa.

Fortunately, no-one had noticed it yet

And so on, so the story would read:

One day, there was this guardsman named Jeff
Unfortunatley, he was a heretic
Fortunately, no-one had noticed it yet

A few other main points:
No stupidly long installments, limit of one or two sentances.
No killing off the main character, unless the story is getting boring, at which point someone either starts again or brings in a new main character.
You must wait for someone else to post until you post again.

New Story:
Once upon a time, there was an Imperial citizen called Maximus (Max for short)

Unfortunately, he was a heretic.

Fortunately, all around were heretics as well

Unfortunately, Nurgle took a liking to them.

Fortunately, medicines were one of the main exports of the planet.

Unfortunately they only exported it and didn't keep it for themselves.

Fortunately, Max got on the last ship "outta Dodge" before the Nurgle infestation really took over.

Unfortunately, the ship also contained an Inquisitor.

Fortunately, he'd had a late night searching for the cause of the Nurgle infestation, and was nodding off.

Unfortunately (for the ship's doctor), he remembered that he had a prostate exam the next morning.

Fortunately a Daemonnette from the pub from last night stole his scrotum.

Unfortunately, said organ was carrying a bad case of undiagnosed, highly contagious gender-reversing Manthrax, which had already taken hold in Max's body.

Fortunately, tzeench stepped in to save him from the change

Unfortunately, Tzeentch only decided to save Max. The rest of the crew would please his appetite for change. But not Max. Not today...

Fortunately, this wasn't a bad situation for Max to be in at all.

Unfortunately, none of the now-purely-female crew knew how to cook or clean, and their Servitors were unresponsive.

Max would have to do his own laundry and make his own sandwiches!

Fortunately, he had ratlings that were too small to be infected that could do all those things, and program Housework Servitors.

Unfortunately said ratlings had to be convinced to do his bidding and submit to his will and he had no idea how

Fortunately, the Ogryns on the ship scared them enough to do his bidding in exchange for protection.

Unfortunately, the Ogryns only agreed to work with Max on the condition that he could sweet-talk his way into a safe landing somewhere in the Imperium... and with a gender-changed and mostly unresponsive Inquisitor onboard, he had a lot of explaining to do!

Fortunately, the "outta Dodge" had pressurized bays so he could dump the body safely.

Unfortunately, he was hungry and the Ogryns had eaten all the food.

Fortunately, he was an ogryn and ate food.

Unfortunately Max, the Ogryn, didn't know how to pilot the "outta Dodge"... and they were approaching the planet NutWilcom at high speed!

Fortunately, Max was getting indigestion from the food he ate, and decided to run to the environmentally sealed bathroom that was designed to survive ship breakup.

Unfortunately, as the ship broke up in NutWilcom's toxic atmosphere, the bathroom module was hurled into orbit... where it continued to circle the planet (with Max entombed inside) for 3 long days.

Fortunately, the bathroom turned waste into organic food, so Max wasn't hungry

Unfortunately, there was no water to be had in the bathroom.

Fortunately, there was a large supply of kool-aid stashed underneath some tiles.

Unfortunately, Kool-Aid is the spawn of Slaanesh.