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My wife is the reason I got into this hobby. She noticed how happy I was painting minis for D&D Encounters and said "you should do more of this - having a crafty hobby makes you really happy." I thought "If I started playing wargmes, I could be painting minis... forever..." She embraces my hobby enthusiastically, and occasionally contemplates using sculpy and greenstuff to create - and possibly paint - her own minis, but isn't interested in wargames. Our nerdy interests coincide in narrative RPGs.

My gf didn't care much about it at first, she thought it was an action figure thing guys always do. Walked into my hobby room three or four times and thought nothing about it. Then one day she found me painting in my little room and asked me about the hobby. We spent half a day in there with me telling her how the models are done and painted, the different armies, GW, and the story of WH40K. Then we played an introductory game. (I was reluctant at first, seeing how it's mostly me and my guy friends that play) But she was serious about wanting to give it a try, so we played an introductory game and she only thought it was okay. She is however, extremely supportive of me having having my little outlet for when I have nothing else to do.

After 10 years my wife has finally bought me a couple of kits as a gift. ( I know because she asked me to give her a list that she would pick from for Christmas).

Of course, it helps that I play this game with 3 of our 5 kids and I have no problem taking care of all of them while she goes out with a couple of her friends. Basically I use this as a way to spend time with them.

I was out of the hobby when I met my fiancee. I'd been 'out' for years. She made a joke about the nerds that hang out in 'that game shop' and I said I used to play. She had a giggle and dropped it.

About a year later the bug bit again, and I started playing again. She had another giggle and called me a nerd, but generally is pretty supportive. She has no clue about it though, and doesn't want to learn. Occasionally she will accompany me into a GW store, though I think the stink makes her want to leave more than boredom.

My girlfriend just kinda rolls her eyes whenever I go to a tournament. She doesn't really care all that much, but definitely gets irked about it sometimes.

She tolerates it and buys me stuff for Christmas and birthdays occasionally. Doesn't like me disappearing for hours on end for painting sessions though, so I normally have to do it in front of the TV to show I'm being sociable.

My wife enjoys playing WFB with me, although she largely just wants to roll dice and win without really learning how to play the game beyond very basics. So basically I play myself with someone else rolling my opponents dice. Tried getting her to paint but she claims her ADD won't let her do it so I don't try anymore.

At least she's supportive of it, although she never likes it when I get an idea for a new army as it means more money spent on mah toy soldiers.

I broke the news to my GF gently and she didnt get to experience most of it before we moved in together. She feels that games are for kids, but I have explained to her that boys will always need their toys. She accepts gaming, refuses to step in to a GW in fear that the stink will never come off though. Seems to appreciate the painting aspect some.

So... for the past two years, she thought all I did was set up army men and then make pew-pew noises at the other army men. And she apparently thought that groups of guys travel to conventions in far away cities specifically to play pew-pew army men against other guys.

My GF was pleasantly surprised when she saw the rulebook, "oh, theres some rules at least". But she keeps calling everything toys, I dont object.

Edit: there is usually some bribery involved when going to tournaments. 2 day ones are a real pain.

The first time I went to Historicon I took Mrs. Snurl along for a day. She has called it nerdcon and dorkfest ever since, and happily lets me attend without her along.

She doesn't mind it, as long as it doesn't get in the way of other stuff. If it does, she says something about it, of course you go along with it. Marrage is a two way street on this stuff.

My wife knows im a hugh nerd, so she got a SOB army, i have to help her with the really small painting but shes slowly getting into it.

I tend to cycle in and out and back to hobbies over the years was in one of my multi-year gaming hiatuses when my wife and I met. By the time I had come back to gaming we were married so she was kind of blindsided by gaming.

repost from an earlier thread:
My wife loves my LEGO hobby and bass playing, but her opinion of wargaming never recovered from the time she accompanied me on a shopping run to the Chicago Battle Bunker.

Her comment afterwards was "I don't like associating my husband with those people". Not an entirely fair statment, but considering some of the mutants (including an IG player in a boonie hat and vampire cape that I assume was trying to be a Gaunts Ghost) that happened to be present that evening, I can't really blame her.

She still doesn't like wargaming, but she toerates it and has said she likes my current group of gaming friends a few of which we have socialized with outside of gaming. Baby steps...

Mine tolerates it. I also play DnD and video games and we have a 1 year old so I try to squeeze it in when ever there is a space. It usually take about 2 months to get a 5 man squad painted but oh well

First wife hated the hobby and wanted me to quit. Second wife supported it at first then started to hate it because every friday night was for the guys and their toys. Current GF actually wants to play Malifaux, but not 40K. She does not get to play though as game night is guy night. We dont have time to play at home so she just reads the fluff for now. She wants to dabble in painting when we get more time though.

My last girlfriend was supportive at arms-length. She would make snide comments once in a while but overall left me to my own devices when I played. My current girlfriend is much more supportive. Since she is a video game player she can more easily wrap her head around the mechanics of the table top games I play and finds some of the models to be aesthetically pleasing. She has even indulged me a bit and played a few games with me but nothing really took. She does, however, like to read the fiction and in particular enjoys the Horus Heresy novels. She is also very understanding when it comes to purchases because that new $60 tank that I gotta have for my army is no different than the new $60 Xbox game release she has been anticipating.

I think my missus is just relieved I'm not spending the money on knives and cocaine!

Her indoors dispises it. Bought Blood bowl team manager today and had a game with her, she wasn't amused.
I don't really help to keep it out of her way, as my painting table is on the computer desk in the lounge, although i have been paid to paint stuff for a guy i know and she likes the fact that you can get paid to sit and paint tiny men.

My Wife is Supportive. She plays both Fantasy and Warhammer 40K. She recruited her friend and her husband to play so she will go down to the store on her own during the weekend to play her girlfriend.

When we were younger my wife did attempt to make me stop. I just gave her a choice, I was more than willing to sell all my miniatures, but then when the weekends rolled around she better be prepared for me to hit the bars and strip clubs with the money I was not longer spending on the hobby. She has been enthusiastic ever since.

she doesn't care one way or the other. my son is into it, though.

My gf calls me nerd jokingly, but she repeatedly tells me she thinks its cute because I talk about it and get excited. She also would rather me hang out with a bunch of nerds at a game shop then with my drunk and druggy college acquaintances! Hehehe I love that girl and my minis!

My boyfriend is the one who got me into the hobby. He's completely addicted to both 40k and Fantasy. I never really knew what it was he did until he let me paint a Tyranid and we played a small intro game together. Now I'm am as addicted as he is and we often game together and try to get all my friends into it.

My girlfriend just tells me how cute it is whenever wargames get mentioned, and calls me "her little nerd".
I enjoy it this way. ^^

funny reading this thread... as other have said my gf at first was reluctant and getting frusterated at me staying up late painting and such. She eventually said she wanted to try and build something, and her attention to detail helped out as she cleaned up every little bit she was cutting to glue. I'm now her 'nerdy baby'., and when I go to play shes says have fun with your girlfriends playing your game. She got me some stuff for xmas which was funny as I pictured her trying to find stuff at the hobby store. But she recently told me that occasionally when shes sitting in nursing class at night she has the urge to build. And yesterday after receiving a nice holiday bonus she is trying to convince me to go buy some things for her to build..... time to start a new army ^.^ SHe gets more mad about me trolling through forums and watching batreps than the hobby itself I think.

I've actually been with my girlfriend longer than I've been into wargaming, so it's nothing that could've turned her off of me, initially, even if she were that type. Luckily, she's perfectly accepting, if not particularly interested.

I think it's just worn thin, by now. Initially, she was mildly interested, merely because it was new and exciting for me. She thought the artistic side was pretty cool, but wasn't really interested in playing. Actually, she lost interest in the artistic side pretty quickly, as well. The warboss she wanted to paint sat primed for a full year before I gave up hope and painted it, myself.

She dabbled in RPGs when friends ran D&D campaigns in college (which never lasted more than a session or two, sadly) and has gotten more into skirmish-type boardgames, lately (played a D&D boardgame with my sister and her boyfriend, then I picked up a copy of DKH: Dead Rising). She even enjoyed the handful of Infinity games I roped her into, but she'd never request one - those only happen in small batches of 2-3 quick games, once or twice a year.

Right now, painting is just something I do up in my pseudo-mancave, no different then putzing around online. Occasionally, we'll game together, but that's usually a boardgame. I don't buy much (and what I do buy are usually tools that can be used for other crafty projects, including making things for her) and I don't run off to play at the LGS, so there's never any real cause for friction - I know not to mention it beyond the occasional "I made progress on my current project, yay!" and she doesn't have to lie and feign interest or tell me to shut the hell up about it, already.

Generally a lack of understanding of exactly what it is the biggest obstacle.

When I was a staffer I used to encounter all sorts of 'spousal or parental opposition' ... usually this was the point where I asked if they knew what it's all about. Below are some of the more common replies, and occasionally how I'd respond to them... Paraphrasing obviously...

"I know exactly what it is but I'm just completely uninterested and don't see the fascination." OR "I don't know/understand what it is, I'm not interested, I don't want to hear it, and I don't like it."
- No worries...
- Fair enough, but it makes him/her happy doesn't it ?
- <very brief explanation>
- So you're having a go at him/her for it but you've never tried it? Ouuuch!!!

"I thought it was all about <insert misconception here>"

"It's too expensive!"
-Yeah but I bet you could make a deal where s/he spends the same amount of money on you. (She ended up with a £250 handbag IIRC)
- <generic value for money statement and/or comparison with computer games/horse riding/golf>
- Have you SEEN how many Space Marines you get for the same price as a PS3 and five games?

"I don't care what he spends his money on as long as he's happy."
- Fair play
- Aren't you in the least bit curious?


The all-time best objection EVER, though, was a parental one. It came from a mother who had split up with the father of her son. Dad plus kid had visited the store, liked it, and decided it was something they could 'do together'.

"He used to just sit quietly in his room on his console. Now all he wants do to is show me what he's painted. He was so quiet before and now he wants to come to the store, or see his Dad, have his friends over to play games. YOU HAVE RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SON!"
- ...
(YES this was real, NO GW staffers are not authorised to involve social services. They have to call someone else who advises them and/or dealt with it for them)

Oh and EDIT: To the large fat smelly guys with lots of money who neglect your gorgeous, attentive, unappreciated girlfriends... YOU REALLY PISS ME OFF! I doubt this applies to anyone here, but it's nice to finally be able to get it out there.

Loyalwatcher wrote:The all-time best objection EVER, though, was a parental one. It came from a mother who had split up with the father of her son. Dad plus kid had visited the store, liked it, and decided it was something they could 'do together'.

"He used to just sit quietly in his room on his console. Now all he wants do to is show me what he's painted. He was so quiet before and now he wants to come to the store, or see his Dad, have his friends over to play games. YOU HAVE RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SON!"
- ...

So she wanted the kid to be quietly out of the way, rather than being enthusiastic about something he can take pride in?

I think the kid ended up with the wrong parent.

NB - The above is based purely on the evidence in the preceding post and the inferences I take from it.

Dysartes wrote:

Loyalwatcher wrote:The all-time best objection EVER, though, was a parental one. It came from a mother who had split up with the father of her son. Dad plus kid had visited the store, liked it, and decided it was something they could 'do together'.

"He used to just sit quietly in his room on his console. Now all he wants do to is show me what he's painted. He was so quiet before and now he wants to come to the store, or see his Dad, have his friends over to play games. YOU HAVE RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SON!"
- ...

So she wanted the kid to be quietly out of the way, rather than being enthusiastic about something he can take pride in?

I think the kid ended up with the wrong parent.

NB - The above is based purely on the evidence in the preceding post and the inferences I take from it.

Yeah, that was my take too. That said, in any situation like that, there's always tons you don't know/understand and bystanders aren't in a position to make an informed judgement. *shrug*
EDIT: by 'you' I guess I should have typed 'one'.

filbert wrote:How does my spouse react to my gaming? With indifference and apathy, largely....

+1.

But then that is how I feel about most of the tv shows she watches, so I guess we are even...

While she might have said they were interesting, I'm pretty sure it was fake interest.

Now that I think about it, she was looking at an old terminator captain still NIB I had in my car. Made a passing scoff at it. I'll have to remember to take her out to the paintball field again to properly "explain" how to regard my war gaming hobby.

My boyfriend thinks that is is hilarious and that I'm the biggest nerd alive...

Such sweet irony, considering he's the best video game player that I've ever known.

Iranna.