Lesson Learned

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**Ahtman**

Stealing this from another site discussion. Give advice you have learned from your gaming experience.

If the innkeeper knows your name, and you've never met before, do not stay at that Inn.

If you're carrying 10' poles and pass another adventuring party carrying 11' poles, they know something you don't.

Write on your character sheet in ink "Never pees alone" and date it, as soon as you make your character. Point to this when your DM rolls for random encounters while you're on watch, and says to you "You need to separate from the party to relieve yourself."

**Crazy_Carnifex**

Do not attempt to outsmart the DM.

Do not try killing random NPC's. If your DM is subtle, they will only be 5 levels higher than you. If they aren't subtle...

Buy your DM snacks.

Do not antagonize the wizard. They hold grudges.

Do not antoagonize the DM. They also hold grudes, and do not need to level up.

If the Paladin swears an oath to protect someone, do not kill the subject.

The DM is god.

The DM is allowed to use loaded dice. Not letting them do so only encourages them to not roll dice at all.

Warning: there is always a bigger fish. The DM keeps it as a pet.

Just because the DM needs a trebuchet to throw the book at you does not mean the DM will not throw the book at you.

If you even suspect the DM is miffed at you, do not use the wish spell.

A DM with the opportunity to inflict missery on the players is more creative than any munchkin.

**Cannerus_The_Unbearable**

Seconding the notion of bribing the DM.

If you even suspect explosive runes, use Read Magic instead

**daedalus**

Stop letting the person with 8 Charisma be the diplomat.

Also, something I have written on every one of my character sheets since what I call "the Incident": "We do not make deals with the Fey."

**Crazy_Carnifex**

Oooo! I have another one!

Never kick the door open if the thief is still alive. It will end badly.

**yeenoghu**

Everyone carrying a blunt weapon is not necessarily a cleric.

**SilverMK2**

If you are a thief character, never steal stuff from other party members, especially if you are standing right in front of the groups paladin (especially on multiple occasions

).

Edit: Woo, 5,000th post

**yeenoghu**

It is perfectly possible and reasonable to carry five or six swords as tall as you are if your strength is high enough.

**Crazy_Carnifex**

Always have a backup weapon. Seriously. My last fighter went through 5 or 6 in one dungeon alone.

**reds8n**

Those iron rations you bought will never run out or go off.

PC's will be carrying all of their treasure until the precise moment when any of it could be lost, when then it will, of course, have been somewhere else and safe all along.

Whilst almost castles or fortress of EVIL will have a sewer system you can use, an astonishing amount of dungeons don't have any "facilities" at all.

Every fantasy campaign, at some point, will involve either an abnormally large or possibly even giant "dwarf". No play can continue until this has been ridiculed and discussed for at least 5 minutes.

It's not genocide if they're Chaotically Evil aligned.

**yeenoghu**

Keep 2 equipment lists with coffee stains and scratchouts all over them.

DM: "hey, Rolf the Magnificent, where did you get an Alchemist on a Mule?"

player: "Its right here on my equipment list, I hired him back in town. He's been there all along... see"

**Cannerus_The_Unbearable**

Be sure to have a full written list of what instruments your Bard plays.

Had a DM throw out what he thought was a piece of sheet music for a random instrument, but I piped up that I could play it and caught him off guard

Granted the song ended up taking us 1300 years into the past...

**Da Boss**

A drunk GM is a capricious deity. Sure sometimes it's humourous villagers and irresponsible treasure finds, but other times it's dire bees and invisible stalkers in the privy.

If your villain has a gothic weakness, a player will attempt to coat himself in it.

Never assume a player will not press a big red button.

Asking you GM to name every single NPC makes him hate you. If your GM hates you, one of those barmaids is gonna be a werebear sooner or later.

The more innocuous the theme music, the more powerful the antagonist.

Run away from creepy children.

Never share bad dreams with horror GMs.

Remember- tropes can be used against you. Beware the homosexual half elven...frenzied berserker.

**Manchu**

Do not write builds dependant upon finding (or, worse, starting with) some item or another.

**yeenoghu**

Don't play a bard if you have a mean DM. You will end up actually having to roleplay your stupid battle song.

**Cannerus_The_Unbearable**

yeenoghu wrote:Don't play a bard if you have a mean DM. You will end up actually having to roleplay your stupid battle song.

That's one of my favorite parts! I have two bards actively running right now. One's a Pathfinder Fighter/Bard (think Disney Princess meets Ke$ha) and the other is a second edition half-elf stoner (Bob Dylan meets stereotypical mexican dealer)

Both are a blast, and I write little songs for each one based on what the groups go through. I've brought my guitar to a few sessions and it's really fun

**yeenoghu**

"...and then they picked the lock! and then they slew the orcs! and then they found the box! traa la laa la laaa........."

always one of the dumbest parts of D&D in my opinion.

**Cannerus_The_Unbearable**

I've never done that. I always have songs for feelings or moods rather than different specific actions. Playing it that way would be fairly ridiculous though

To me the ideal example of what bardic music is like is that feeling you get when you're a kid and you're trying to run as fast as you can then you imagine a superhero or Dragonball Z character and you get extra... I guess power for lack of a better term. It's that inspirational moment, like when you imagine you're the viking in that metal video, except... I'm pretty much out of it. Concussion + smoking = easily confused.

**reds8n**

Many, many of the monsters you will fight are really, really odd if you think about it.

http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article73.htm

**Morathi's Darkest Sin**

If the DM has a evil smile, get you character to start running the other way.

If there is a Bridge and a Greater type Demon, do not attempt 'You Shall not pass!' unless your are playing Gandalf.

If the DM likes to scrawl 'Deceased' in big letters with a permament marker on every character that dies. Expect to loose a lot of characters.

If your group heads into a Inn, there will be a fight.

Do not ever, no matter the success rate, or tiny miniscule chance of failiure, utter the line (or equivilent of) 'I have you now' when rolling to hit.

**Comintern**

Never Follow a Kobold into the Tall Grass

Never Trust a Treasure Chest that isnt Thief approved

When the DM smiles, its already to late

Bard + High Diplomacy = DM Bane

**yeenoghu**

-MinMax ability scores just mean you get attacked by the biggest stuff, don't bother.

-Nobody gives a gak about your stupid horse, paladin!

-Nobody gives a gak about your stupid toad either, magic-user!

-get the DM drunk (or baked, whatever) by the end of the session, then give yourself some potions at the end, before he collects the character sheets. He won't remember how many you had anyway.

-When your tenth level fighter is getting stared down by a pair of goblins, assume they know more than he does.

**grantosjones**

never, ever, EVER say 'Do you know who I am?!' to an NPC.

The GM will punish you. Severely.

**Gridge**

In Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay, all nobles all the time are chaos cultist (probably Slaanesh so don't go to any late night parties they host).

If you walk into an inn the the first person you notice is likely going to try to kill you, or join your party. Get it over with and walk right up to them.

If you're in an inn the first person to enter is going to try to kill you are join your party...see above.

When faced with creatures far below your level, something truly terrible is about to happen.

If you are running a game and a player's character dies, don't leave your room at the inn when they next run a game. Seriously, hire bodyguards, lock your door and never answer it....or leave a note for the part members announcing your retirement.

Sleep in your armor.

**reds8n**

Players will automatically assume that each and every suit of armour stood in the dusty old and possibly haunted mansion will come to life and attack them.

Every experienced player will have had a character or group killed in ridiculous circumstances.

Exactly how flammable oil is is determined by whether it is being thrown by -- in which case it is napalm like -- the Pcs or at them -- in which case it barely smolders and is rubbish.

**Grakmar**

Always check for traps before opening a door. It doesn't matter if you just went through the door a minute ago. It doesn't matter if it's a door into a roadside inn. Check for traps!

After acquiring the magic and mysterious MacGuffin, do NOT try to use it. And, certainly don't go guessing random keywords to trigger it.

When entering a chamber and seeing a powerful enemy, do not charge into the fight. Your allies won't have your back, they are going to be running away.

In the event that a close friend and companion of yours dies, it's okay to let your guard down. The person in the next room happens to be on a journey with similar goals to yours and will fight alongside you until their death (or yours).

If a campaign is long enough, you may find yourself in the situation where no one who was sent on the quest is still alive. Don't stop to worry about none of you knowing who to report victory too, if you don't bring it up, no one will notice.

You will eventually want to play an evil campaign. It will be fun for a while, but the DM will get sick of you slaughtering every NPC you come across. Rocks fall, everyone dies is the inevitable outcome.

And, for something a bit more specific:
When you suspect the NPC that is tagging along is actually a shapeshifted dragon, make sure you are NOT standing in the small room the NPC is when you attempt to disspell.

**yeenoghu**

don't play a halfling, if you play him right, he's pathetic and annoying, if you play him wrong, he's way more badass than anyone's suspension of disbelief will allow... either way, nobody likes it except you.

**Battle Brother Lucifer**

Don't try to join an existing 'quest' as your first (and as of now, my only) game.
You WILL end up as the guy who only has spells the party needs, as well as getting equiped with stuff to benefit the party, not stuff you want to use/ have. (and it'll take forever to get the background explained)

**reds8n**

Never name your horses -- you might well have to eat them.

Always name your best magic weapons though.

Be careful what you name your magic weapons though : that joke won't be as funny down the line.

It's remarkable quite how unpopular the Charisma score is for a game largely played by unpopular geeks.

**H.B.M.C.**

reds8n wrote:Be careful what you name your magic weapons though : that joke won't be as funny down the line.

Oh really?