40k Vending Machine I: Just As Planned

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**ZergSmasher**

You get a bunch of Slaanesh-themed party favors.

I insert a jar containing the gas from my loudest, nastiest fart ever!

**TheCustomLime**

You receive a thank you letter from a Great Unclean One. It is written on a rancid shred of skin.

I insert $8.88 exactly.

**War Kitten**

You get your head removed, for Khorne cares not from where the blood flows, only that it does.

I insert a bagel

**snurl**

You get Ten to Twenty Five at County.

I insert a bottle rocket.

**KommissarKiln**

You receive a living replica of Buzz Aldrin, shrunk down to 28mm scale.

I insert a sentient time machine that periodically shouts "Great Scott!"

**ZergSmasher**

You get a jacket that looks somewhat like a life preserver.

I insert a NASCAR racing tire.

**TheCustomLime**

You receive an Ork speed freak.

I insert a copy of Call of Duty: Ghosts.

**snurl**

You get a bag of Sta-Puff Marshmallows.

I insert a magnifying glass.

**KommissarKiln**

You get a better look at something small.

I insert a small loan of one million Orks.

**snurl**

You get an installment Waaaugh.

I insert an Aquaduct.

**ZergSmasher**

You get a bottle of Aquafina water.

I insert a flux capacitor.

**snurl**

You get back to the future.

I insert a duck.

**korbenn**

You get a beggar asking for his hat.

I insert a round of applause.

**snurl**

You get the clap.

I insert a baby rabbit.

**korbenn**

You get officer Judy Hops ZPD.

I insert a tricked out muscle car, a bitching '70s soundtrack and lots of homoerotic undertones.

**snurl**

You are Gone in Sixty Seconds.

I insert a Crystal Tower.

**KommissarKiln**

You get a baseball from a child... At 98 mph.

I insert a quantity of air equal in volume to a pile of quarters that will displace this pile of quarters I'm removing from the machine.

**snurl**

You get a rude suprise, and an electric shock.

I insert a Chessex Box.

**ZergSmasher**

You get a chess board.

I insert a lawnmower.

**snurl**

You get a Scythe.

I insert a bowl of Captain Krunch.

**War Kitten**

You get a jug of milk

I insert an Ipad

**KommissarKiln**

You receive a bunch of stupid teenagers so obsessed with Pokemon Go that they drive around, congesting main roads and idling through suburbs, looking like predators. Not that I dislike the app, I'm all for it, but seriously, it's designed for travel on foot...

I insert a soapbox, and its corresponding Dakka emoji:

**ZergSmasher**

You get a recording of Guile's speech from the Street Fighter movie.

I insert a Dreadball.

**snurl**

You get a Dreadnaught. In a sock.

I insert A Pokemon.

**War Kitten**

You get a Snorlax in your living room

I insert a Ford Focus

**snurl**

You get Found On Road Dead.

I insert a smoked Beef Brisket.

**ZergSmasher**

You get a smoked cigarette butt.

I insert a bottle of Citadel Plastic Glue.

**KommissarKiln**

You get a note to your parents from the kindergarten teacher, lamenting on your budding addiction to household inhalants.

I insert a copy of Tron: Legacy and some psychedelic drugs.

**snurl**

You get the shakes and you are terrified of your TV.

I insert a mirror.

**General Annoyance**

You get a copy of your reflection, weirdly distorted.

I insert a lasgun power pack