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So there've been many threads about which was the wisest Primarch (Leman Russ), the strongest (Leman Russ), the best general (Leman Russ) but what about on the other side? Which primarch was the most mock-worthy?

Alpharius is tempting, while the best Primarchs have names that are obscure historical or literary references, it's pretty obvious that by the time they got to Chapter #20 everyone wanted to hit the bar so Alphy the Alpha Legionnaire was born.

Angron, the really, really angry is another safe pick.

And we all know Lion El Johnson's secret (not that there's anything wrong with it).

Looking at their records though Rogal Dorn seems the biggest joke. He was pulled off the front lines to secure the Emperor's Palace, a job he miserably failed at. The Emperor would have been killed if he'd stayed in Rogal's 'unblowupable' super fortress and as it happened got crippled for his trouble. Then Rogal defied orders, refused to reorganize his chapter and finally knowingly led them into a trap to be slaughtered as part of his plan to uh... um... something? Then all the cool kids left and formed the Crimson Fists and the Black Templars.

So I nominate Rogal Dorn as the most mock-worthy primarch.

Nah it's Rowboat for obvious reasons.

Ferrus Manus. The absolutely most unimaginative name for a horrid chapter. I don't know how he died/was lost/whatever AND I DON'T WANT TO. I just assume he rusted away in idiocy.

Mattlov wrote:Ferrus Manus. The absolutely most unimaginative name for a horrid chapter. I don't know how he died/was lost/whatever AND I DON'T WANT TO. I just assume he rusted away in idiocy.

Yeah Fulgrim cut his head off. Also, I do not care for Bowboat Girlyman (even if I did respect him I cannot spell his last name so this is easier), the codex astartes is terrible, he is easily distracted from important things by traitor primarchs showing up and then he gets his throat slit by Fulgrim.

I also propose Fulgrim as the greatest of the useless primarchs, he is a relatively crappy character "Oh I love being perfect, I will kill this snake people, this temple is trippy I will just steal this sword from it, hey daemon in my sword, want my body" yet he managed to kill two primarchs which is better than anyone else, and he killed Rowboat Girlyman who killed Alphurius, so that is like indirectly killing Alphurius or something.

Leman Russ, for reasons that have been stated on this forum so many times I'm not going to bother posting again.

Kid_Kyoto wrote:So there've been many threads about which was the wisest Primarch (Leman Russ), the strongest (Leman Russ), the best general (Leman Russ) but what about on the other side? Which primarch was the most mock-worthy?

We have trolling mods now? Awesome.

Alpharius is tempting, while the best Primarchs have names that are obscure historical or literary references, it's pretty obvious that by the time they got to Chapter #20 everyone wanted to hit the bar so Alphy the Alpha Legionnaire was born.

Angron, the really, really angry is another safe pick.

And we all know Lion El Johnson's secret (not that there's anything wrong with it).

Alpharius is named after Alphard, the brightest star of the Hydra constellation. Although the name translates to "the solitary one", as a barium star, it is actually a double star, with a dim and almost imperceptible twin. So really, Alpharius has one of the more clever names among the Primarchs, you're just ignorant.

As for Angron, his name is borrowed from one of Spartacus' gladiators, but I agree that it's a silly choice for for a character whose defining characteristic is anger. Still, it's not like he doesn't have a good reason for his rage.

The Lion is very easy to mock not only due to the real-life inspiration of his and his Legion's names, but the fact that he was the most useless of the Primarchs. A leader who can't understand the motivations of those he commands or even incapable of recognizing whether someone is lying to him? Laughable.

Looking at their records though Rogal Dorn seems the biggest joke. He was pulled off the front lines to secure the Emperor's Palace, a job he miserably failed at. The Emperor would have been killed if he'd stayed in Rogal's 'unblowupable' super fortress and as it happened got crippled for his trouble. Then Rogal defied orders, refused to reorganize his chapter and finally knowingly led them into a trap to be slaughtered as part of his plan to uh... um... something? Then all the cool kids left and formed the Crimson Fists and the Black Templars.

So I nominate Rogal Dorn as the most mock-worthy primarch.

Dorn is a solid candidate. Mortarion is also a serious contender, falling to Chaos over a case of diarrhea, turning into the very thing he fought against on his home planet, and later getting punked by Draigo like a little bitch.

Personally, I nominate Leman Russ, since Deliverance Lost informs us he actually has dog DNA in his makeup. You could conceivably defeat his whole Legion by distracting them with Beggin' Strips, since they don't know it's not bacon.

Coolyo294 wrote:Leman Russ, for reasons that have been stated on this forum so many times I'm not going to bother posting again.

Like the fact he's apparently walking around the warp Buck Neekid?

Actually the Emperor would have lived had he not teleported to Horus' battle barge. Horus realized that the tide was turning on him fast, and he lowered his void shields to lure the Emperor into attacking. However the palace would have been breached had it not been for Sanguinius being a total boss at the Eternity Gate.

Honestly, I would say the Lion is the most disappointing to me. He was the only primarch betrayed by his own legion during the heresy, and afterwards he decided to just mope in his fortress.

Omegus wrote:Personally, I nominate Leman Russ, since Deliverance Lost informs us he actually has dog DNA in his makeup. You could conceivably defeat his whole Legion by distracting them with BeggingStrips, since they don't know it's not bacon.

Awesome.

Buttons wrote:

Mattlov wrote:Ferrus Manus. The absolutely most unimaginative name for a horrid chapter. I don't know how he died/was lost/whatever AND I DON'T WANT TO. I just assume he rusted away in idiocy.

Yeah Fulgrim cut his head off. Also, I do not care for Bowboat Girlyman (even if I did respect him I cannot spell his last name so this is easier), the codex astartes is terrible, he is easily distracted from important things by traitor primarchs showing up and then he gets his throat slit by Fulgrim.

I also propose Fulgrim as the greatest of the useless primarchs, he is a relatively crappy character "Oh I love being perfect, I will kill this snake people, this temple is trippy I will just steal this sword from it, hey daemon in my sword, want my body" yet he managed to kill two primarchs which is better than anyone else, and he killed Rowboat Girlyman who killed Alphurius, so that is like indirectly killing Alphurius or something.

It is only suspected that Roboute Guilliman killed Alpharius, it has never been proven. Even if he did, Fulgrim putting Guilliman into stasis does not indirectly mean he killed Alpharius either.

I agree with your synapsis of Fulgrim, but not the Ultramarine Primarch. I think he's great, and there really isn't anything you can mock about him. Ultramarine hate is usually unfounded anyway.

But I would say that Lorgar is the most mockable to an extent based on his childish way of handling his dad yelling at him. But then again, I don't like him as a character anyway so I'm a little biased.

Orblivion wrote:Honestly, I would say the Lion is the most disappointing to me. He was the only primarch betrayed by his own legion during the heresy, and afterwards he decided to just mope in his fortress.

Well, he betrayed them first, so he got what was coming to him. And he's not moping, he's in a coma and on life support after his "mortal wounding" by Luther.

Omegus wrote:

Orblivion wrote:Honestly, I would say the Lion is the most disappointing to me. He was the only primarch betrayed by his own legion during the heresy, and afterwards he decided to just mope in his fortress.

Well, he betrayed them first, so he got what was coming to him. And he's not moping, he's in a coma and on life support after his "mortal wounding" by Luther.

Tone is hard to convey through text, but I was really just hamming it up to rag on the guy.

Omegus wrote:

Kid_Kyoto wrote:So there've been many threads about which was the wisest Primarch (Leman Russ), the strongest (Leman Russ), the best general (Leman Russ) but what about on the other side? Which primarch was the most mock-worthy?

We have trolling mods now? Awesome.

One look at my sig will tell you how seriously I take this game

Alpharius is named after Alphard, the brightest star of the Hydra constellation. Although the name translates to "the solitary one", as a barium star, it is actually a double star, with a dim and almost imperceptible twin. So really, Alpharius has one of the more clever names among the Primarchs, you're just ignorant.

His name is Alpharius, he leads the Alpha Legion. Say it with a straight face

And he makes all his recruits call themselves Alpharius, too! And after having the tempate for making primarchs for 10,000 years, he has done precisely nothing with that technology.

Leman Russ comes off as fairly stupid and seems to have created a lot of messes.

Ignatius wrote:

Buttons wrote:

Mattlov wrote:Ferrus Manus. The absolutely most unimaginative name for a horrid chapter. I don't know how he died/was lost/whatever AND I DON'T WANT TO. I just assume he rusted away in idiocy.

Yeah Fulgrim cut his head off. Also, I do not care for Bowboat Girlyman (even if I did respect him I cannot spell his last name so this is easier), the codex astartes is terrible, he is easily distracted from important things by traitor primarchs showing up and then he gets his throat slit by Fulgrim.

I also propose Fulgrim as the greatest of the useless primarchs, he is a relatively crappy character "Oh I love being perfect, I will kill this snake people, this temple is trippy I will just steal this sword from it, hey daemon in my sword, want my body" yet he managed to kill two primarchs which is better than anyone else, and he killed Rowboat Girlyman who killed Alphurius, so that is like indirectly killing Alphurius or something.

It is only suspected that Roboute Guilliman killed Alpharius, it has never been proven. Even if he did, Fulgrim putting Guilliman into stasis does not indirectly mean he killed Alpharius either.

I agree with your synapsis of Fulgrim, but not the Ultramarine Primarch. I think he's great, and there really isn't anything you can mock about him. Ultramarine hate is usually unfounded anyway.

But I would say that Lorgar is the most mockable to an extent based on his childish way of handling his dad yelling at him. But then again, I don't like him as a character anyway so I'm a little biased.

Sure there is, I hate him because the codex astartes limits the number of marines allowed by each chapter, and while it may prevent a civil war, it means fewer marines all around. Also, the fear of a civil war has little justification, in the 10,000 years since the Horus Heresy there hasn't been a single major revolt by space marines, with one of the most notable being the Babad war. Now, had everyone been allowed to field as large a chapter as they wanted the Astral Claws almost certainly would have been significantly larger, but odds are so would the numerous chapters arrayed against them including the Minotaurs, who were known for the rate at which they could produce marines, meaning if they could have as many marines as possible they would have been huge.

Now this isn't to say that some limiting wasn't in order, but breaking up the legions and directly limiting the strength of chapters was unnecessary, he could have limited each chapter to one world (gasp he would have to give up his mini empire), he could have had them report the rate of production, to keep them from going out of control, he could have placed a larger limit. However, all of this could have been forgiven if he didn't seem so hypocritical. He builds a mini empire and has the largest legion with some of the lightest casualties (didn't get most of his legion wiped out at Istvaan, didn't fight at Terra) during the Horus Heresy and then he has the audacity to pretty much give himself authority over everyone else and tell them to break up their legions and limit their own power? Hell you know that the Raven Guard need their power limited with their crippling losses suffered at Istvaan, or that the Blood Angels are just fine after helping defend Terra and having their primarch die against Horus. His whole idea just reeks of hipocracy.

Beyond that my hate for the Ultramarines is similar to my hate for Cadians, their models are cool I guess, and I like their capabilities, I simply hate them because they are the posterboys of their army and are generic, while constantly being called "the best."

Even Lorgar admitted he wasn't the best Primarch. He didn't like war, he was quite whiny and he was extremely insecure about the universe. Lorgar's desperate need to find some overall meaning, something truly epic to devote his life to, led to the downfall of the Imperium.

LoneLictor wrote:Even Lorgar admitted he wasn't the best Primarch. He didn't like war, he was quite whiny and he was extremely insecure about the universe. Lorgar's desperate need to find some overall meaning, something truly epic to devote his life to, led to the downfall of the Imperium.

This. In other words, freaking emos run everything. No seriously, pretty much everything bad about the Imperium's present state is his fault.

Omegus wrote:
Alpharius is named after Alphard, the brightest star of the Hydra constellation. Although the name translates to "the solitary one", as a barium star, it is actually a double star, with a dim and almost imperceptible twin. So really, Alpharius has one of the more clever names among the Primarchs, you're just ignorant.

I never knew this, but it's fething awesome. Thanks for sharing

Omegus wrote:
Personally, I nominate Leman Russ, since Deliverance Lost informs us he actually has dog DNA in his makeup. You could conceivably defeat his whole Legion by distracting them with Beggin' Strips, since they don't know it's not bacon.

Also, this is hilarious

My nomination would also be Lorgar. Not only was he singularly useless as a military leader (Which is essentially what the Primarchs were intended to be in the first place) He defied the decree of the Emperor and openly worshipped him as a God. When he finally got told off about it, he sulked and started worshipping Chaos Ultimately bringing death and destruction upon the Imperium.

Loving the story and character of Lorgar in the series so far, but for me, he is most certainly the most mock worthy.

It must suck that the Imperium is now allowed if not expected to worship the emperor as a god, pretty much because of Lorgars own actions and the book that he wrote, is the foundation for this.

Angry the Angryiest Angryus Anger Anger bloodrage.

Ignatius wrote:But I would say that Lorgar is the most mockable to an extent based on his childish way of handling his dad yelling at him. But then again, I don't like him as a character anyway so I'm a little biased.

Have you read The First Heretic? To be honest, if my dad let me get on with something for ages, then destroyed something that I had worked hard on, humiliated me, told me that I shouldn't have been doing what he was letting me do, and called me a failure, I'd be a little put out too. Even if he is a little useless at what he was supposed to do, that doesn't neccesarily mean he's mockable. He's the most likable and relateable-to Primarch, at least at first; he doesn't want to follow the path in life that he has been commanded to, but neither would I if my dad told me "Son you're going to be a sportsman, no arguing". The need to find something to believe in was literally in his genetic code.

EDIT: Especially if my dad did all of that whilst my brother, who I hated and who he had got to destroy the thing that I had worked hard on, stood smirking behind him.

I dunno.

As much as I like the concept of the Night Lords as a Legion - the whole terror weapon, legion of murderers, I am Batman approach...

Kurze dropped the ball.

Oh no, he has visions of his death. So he throws a tantrum. And then says these visions justified the tantrums as he's killed because he threw the damn tantrums in the first place.

He seriously couldn't see the fact that his kneejerk reaction to his vision is the cause of that result. It's almost as bad as Horus' being tempted away by the future vision thing by Erebus and failing to see that his kneejerk reaction will CAUSE that specific outcome.

Trying to avoid a prophesied future and instead bringing it to fruition is a common theme in 40K.

And through half the Primarchs doing it the Emperor sits there, grinning like the smug git that he is because he likely knew it was going to happen and is a lousy father, really.

How hard would it have been to just take them to one side and say 'Seriously guys, don't do that. I know what happens and it's bad.'

It's like a webcomic I read a few years back where someone pointed out that Star Wars would've been much, much more different if Yoda had just chucked Anakin a pack of trojans and told him to be prepared.

Corax gets my vote for lamest naming.

Okay.. he leads the raven guard.. what should be his name? Corvus corax is the black raven's latin name... Yeah that should do it.

As for most mock worthy in general....

Yeah, I'll go with Lion el Johnson. Silly primarch, silly legion.

Russ. He wasn't a very nice person.

DarkStarSabre wrote:It's like a webcomic I read a few years back where someone pointed out that Star Wars would've been much, much more different if Yoda had just chucked Anakin a pack of trojans and told him to be prepared.

Or if Anakin hadn't, you know, force choked the person who he was whining about being in danger of dying...

I don't know enough about Rowboat Girlyman to pass judgement, I just find the nickname hilarious.

My vote goes to Lemon Grass-Sorry, Leman Russ. He perhaps did the most to mess things up. "OMG PSYKERS R EVIL U SHOODENT BE YOOSIN DEM TROLOLOLOLOL" "Hang on Lemon, you use psykers too" "NO WE DONT WE USE SUPAH SPESHAL SNOWFLAKE STORM SON MARINES WHO USE THE POWAH OF WOLF WOLF AROOOOOOO!!!11!!11!!ONE!!!1"

Yeah...

Also, Fulgrim (the novel) actually made me cry. Possibly the most tragic Black Library novel out there.

Who the hell said Russ was the wisest, strongest, and best general among them? Magnus (pre-Heresy) was the wisest, Ferrus Manus/Vulkan were the strongest, and Horus was the best general. Post-Heresy, Guilliman was the wisest, Vulkan was still the strongest, and Lion/Guilliman was the best general.

On-topic, most mock-worthy would be Russ, because he's a douche.

In my opinion - every single one of them.
They all succeed and fail in some way so they all deserve some sort of mocking.
Even if they were all superhumans they were all in fact spoiled brats who were given to much power. Seriously, if Emperor powerfist them for every time they were getting out of control or not obeying his orders or toying with Chaos powers none of this would happened.

The Emporer himself.

Seriously, you set some royally screwed up guys in charge of some royally screwed up legions, and then get all surprised when they bow to Chaos? Seriously? How did you not see Angron and some of the others becoming problems?

Depends on who does the telling. In some of the stories, different Primarchs aren't really given a fair shake depending on whose perspective it's from.