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Granted. With rules by Matt Ward.
I wish that the three year old that knew how to hack a billionaires bank account was a slappy fish.




Sorry, completely missread.

Nevie wrote:


I wish for a full fledged Necromunda video game that holds with the actual game rules as best is possible.

You're supposed to corrupt the above wish....

Granted. Necromunda video game is awesome but it features clan slappyfish and the scenery looks a lot like die-cut cardboard.

I wish for more die-cut cardboard.

Granted! But then it rains.

I wish for snurl's dwarf army.

Granted, you pay him $100 for them. When they arrive they are cardboard cutouts and got soaked in ... something during shipping. Snurl gets a new army made for $1.25 with shipping and assembly.

I wish for the baby hacker to become the god of slappyfish.

Granted. Nothing happens.

I wish for springtime.

Granted, but it is now permanently spring, and all plants go into over growth and take over the world.

I wish to randomly find a diamond in the ground.

Granted. You randomly find a diamond in the ground. When you bend over to pick it up you are flattened by a bulldozer.

I wish people would not go mucking about near active Diamond mines.

Granted, they start mucking about your house.

I wish for the newly ascended god of slappyfish to begin abusing his powers.

Granted. You don't remember what hit you. Every morning. For a month.

I wish this new cat would be nice to the old cat.

Granted, the new cat is so nice that the old cat dies of pure happiness.

I wish I could beat snurl at his own game.

Granted. The new rules come out and snurl is nerfed worse than the 'Nids. Now easy to win, you get bored and take up a new contact sport like Monopoly.

I wish to fly through the next challenge.

Granted but you crash land on a deserted island without even a volleyball for company


I wish for more wishes

Granted, but your new wishes must be used in the year 2259.

I wish for telepathy.

Granted, you can now read you parents minds, but only the naughty bits. If they are dead they return as shameless vampires.

I wish for Sgt_Smudge to be released from his last wish.

Granted. He beats you with a Slappyfish to celebrate.

I wish for a snow blower.

Granted, but it was made in America, so it dies an hour after you get it home.

I wish it would snow in Australia

Granted... but it doesn't stop. The Storms also prevent any rescue efforts. Australia becomes the new Siberia.

I wish the Grammys were awarded like the Oscars.

Granted. All awards are now shot from a cannon towards their recipient. This discourages multiple and repeat wins. Mediocrity ensues.
I wish they gave out all of the awards at once and got it over with.

granted but now instead of statues they are rock being shot from a cannon

i wish it would stop snowing in alabama

Granted. Hail the size of bowling balls now pours down as heavily as it was snowing-- and as continuously as it has been snowing. Because the temperature stays below freezing, any survivors of this awful disaster are buried under the Great Glacier of Alabama.

I wish that people would wake up and realize the Canadians are behind all of these weather shenanigans. This is the first wave of their assault! Burn their embassy! The Canadians are coming! Three lanterns means they come by Zamboni! The 2nd Amendment is our only help now!

Granted, The only person who heeds your warning is me and this mid-western yeti vampire doesn't care and doesn't bother spreading the word.

I wish the Canadian invasion comes to a successful end quickly due to most of the U.S.'s inability to drive in snow.

Granted now we are all Canadian

I wish for some snchapps

granted, but in your inebriated state you can no longer distinguish between guys and girls

I wish one billion dollars

granted but its all in fools gold

i wish that i had a better gaming computer

Granted. But gaming computers are illegal in Canada.

I wish to be American again.

granted but bush is in charge again

i wish for better tasting coffee

Granted. But its illegal except in Colorado.

I wish Warhammer Visions didn't suck.

Granted.. they Blow.

I wish my space marines would paint themselves.

Granted. They do. Then they win a Golden Demon but you can't take credit for it because you didn't paint them.

I wish to win a Golden Demon.