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Granted? The spiders scuttle off somewhere, never to be seen.

I wish for a new PC setup.

Granted. A brand new Apple IIe is all yours. With a box of floppies.

I wish for some entertainment.

Granted. A warp ortal opens in your bed room wile you sleep. Horrible demons drag you off to torture you for the rest of your life. This is great entertainment for whoever rules that dark and terrible place.

I wish my games where more fun.

Granted. Every game you play your life is on the line. A game is always more fun when the stakes are high, right?

I wish to be over this foul sickness.

Granted. You make a complete recovery. The medical bills for you treatment bankrupt you.

I wish organic life was a lot less disgusting.

Granted. Too bad all humans now have cybotic limbs.

I wish for good music.

Granted. The song gets stuck in your head and drives you crazy for the rest of your live.

I wish for some fresh water in my tank.

Granted. You then promptly drown in your tank, since you closed the windows.

I wish GW didn't kill off so much of the Dwarf, Elf and Empire ranges.

Granted. Instead they kill off all the plastic kits for each of those factions.

I wish for a nice, warm shower.

Granted. You get one. Then you discover the people upstairs have a hole in their floor, which they employ to releive their bladders.

I wish this cat would get off of me for awhile.

Granted. A completely different cat then jumps on you.

I wish for creativity.

Granted. You are the most creative person in the world when it comes to racial slurs.

I wish The Crow was a better movie.

Granted. No one, including you, now knows what it is.

I wish the internet router didn't cut out at random intervals.

Granted. It now only cuts out at the most crucial of moments.

I wish some TV shows and pieces of fiction did'nt grow on me like a malign mind fungus. I now know what mild Chaos corruption sort of feels like. No matter how much I resist I feel their hold tightening even more.

Granted. Now every other TV show and piece of fiction grows on you like a malign mind fungus. These probably include the shows you despise.

I wish I knew a series of model websites which I could be alternate 40k/AOS models from.

Granted. They are all poor quality, overpriced and unreliable. Also NO REFUNDS!

I wish had one of those cushy government jobs, where no one checks you work and it is impossible to get fired.

Granted. Then the government is overthrown in a coup, and government employees are shot. Survivors are shot again.

I wish to work outside in my yard this weekend.

Granted. You start work on your shed you have in your garden, but as you step in, the stiff door closes behind you, and refuses to budge. You are forced to spend the night in there.

I wish I had enough time to redecorate.

Granted. You have no friends or family. Now you have all the time in the world to redecorate, but no one will ever see or comment on it.

I wish for the money to fix up the local park.

Granted. You get the funds to fix the park only for it to be sold and turned into a Wallmart 2 days later.

I wish to go on vacation.

Granted. You go on vacation to a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific. For 3 weeks.

I wish Easter occurred 2 times per year.

Granted. Now every Easter Jesus and the Easter Bunny show up to your house to take turns beating the crap out of you for making them work twice as hard.

I wish Valentine's chalk hearts and Halloween candy corn was banned from ever being sold or given out again.

Granted. Now it simply falls from the sky on holidays.

I wish for some good weed killer.

Granted. You put the specified amount on, but it doesn't seem to do anything. Unknowingly, you tip the whole damn bottle on this one weed you need to get rid of. You then go back inside.

Around 2 hours later you look outside to see a 10m crater where the weed was. But hey, no more weed right?

I wish work didn't require so much effort.

Granted. Your job is easy as working in a pie factory, and is now automated. Even your boss was replaced by a robot so you have no recommendations to use in your job search.

I wish I had trained my cat how to use the toilet.

Granted. You did. She is not very good at it and always leaves a horrible mess. She also monopolizes the bathroom, sitting on the john while doing her Facebook.

I wish i could unsee that.

Granted. You no longer have eyes.

I wish I could finally get some decent service around here.

Granted. Your waitress was phenomenal, but the food poisoned you.

I wish for perfect fitting jeans.

Granted. They are so perfect that you slip through them.

I wish this pigeon would stop pooping on my damn car.

Granted. A Bear poops on your car instead.

I wish for some justice to be done.