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Granted. Shrubbery dropping is the most fun thing you ever do again.

I wish cats could talk.

Granted. But once they realize that we can understand their sinister plans, they immediately initiate their plans for world domination.
Bow before your fluffy overlords and their feral legions.

I wish that my next student would hurry up and get here.

granted they come in followed by a inheat rhino, a chaos deamon, 200 pigions, an yodeling haddock with wings and lastly a robotic Michael Jackson thats so out of tune your ears bleed,

i wish i could type faster.

Granted. Everytime you type a document you type it with a typing speed of 1000 Characters per minute. However this is way to fast for your brain to catch up so all your typed documents look like illiterate word salad.

I wish for more genuine fun parodies.

Granted. You are the star of the Korbenn Show. But you don't know it.

I wish to see the cat dance.

Granted but now you have seen it all can videos pales and this depresses you greatly.

I wish that my light bulb was changed.

Granted. It's been changed with a dangerously radiocative lightbulb from Fallout. Enjoy your cleanup!

I wish for my friend's army to be instantly painted to Golden Daemon standard.

Granted. On the way to the painting competition the case containing his army get run over by a sixteen wheeler.

I wish the burning bush would stop talking to me.

Granted. Now it yells at you and texts you relentlessy.

I hope everyone wants to go to the concert.

Granted its greatest ever. And there's no room for you.

But it was a true momment of history... You missed out on.

I wish the moon nazis would stop sending me spam mail.

Granted. They visit you in person.

I wish the cats would behave.

Granted. They miraculously polymorph into golden retrievers.
They also all want to simultaneously sit on your lap.


I wish for a jumbo-sized burrito.

Granted but its sealed in pacakaging made of carbon nanotube steel and adamantoium clear allloy and un reakable to all but a nuclear weapon.

...

I wish for a cuddly squid, one that is well made and of proportional size.

Granted. It accidentally crushes you with its iron-grip.

I wish for company.

Granted. It's a jehovahs wittness who eats soley hot tacos, ypdels, and believes 40k os work of the devil and runs about house with a flame thrower.

I wish my squid did not kill me.

Granted. It paralyzes you, instead.

I wish for company I actually like.

Granted! You love your company as a matter of fact, but they, however, loathe you and run from the mere sight or sound of you.

I wish every time someone throws garbage out of their car, it immediately reverses course and slams into the litterers face at Mach 1.

Granted. Some wishes just aren't corruptible.

I wish drivers tests were much harder to pass.

Granted. Nobody ever drives again, because they are impossible.

I wish for businesses to stop randomly closing on Sundays.

Granted. Now they all methodically and reliably close on Sundays. Thanks.


I wish for an ice cream sundae.

Granted. The ice cream in itself is the cheap, more-ice-than-cream stuff that you get from the dodgy ice cream van which patrols the streets during any weather. You consequently, find it awful and are ill for four weeks.

I wish for quaggas to become un-extinct.

Granted! Three hundred of them appear in and around your home. They are noisy, flatulent, snore like chainswords, eat everything and will not budge. You can't remove them because they're endangered and protected. Oh yeah, they're also in the middle of their breeding season and their penchant for procreation activity puts rabbits to shame. Things around your domicile get very, very messy in a rather short time period of time.

I wish Skull Island really existed.

 BigWaaagh wrote:
Granted! Three hundred of them appear in and around your home. They are noisy, flatulent, snore like chainswords, eat everything and will not budge. You can't remove them because they're endangered and protected. Oh yeah, they're also in the middle of their breeding season and their penchant for procreation activity puts rabbits to shame. Things around your domicile get very, very messy in a rather short time period of time.

I wish Skull Island really existed.

Yeay! Sounds great!

Granted. Kong also exists and is p***ed at humans who want to see/shoot him, so goes on a rampage killing everything and everyone in the process, except you, my lucky friend, who he decides to keep in a bone cage, constantly prodding you until you dance for him. Getting bored of you after three days, he gives you to Little Kong, who sings to you non stop for a few days and then eats you.

I wish for a black pen that actually works!!!!

Granted. Unfortunately, you mix it in with your non-working pens, and lose it.

I wish for my bits order to arrive faster.

Grants ot arrive at mach 7 fired from a rail guns and hollow shell containing parts buries 300 feet below ground.

I wish I had a use for spare games workshop sprue.

Granted. It's usable as ballast.

I wish for my friends to be successful in life.

Granted. But like with all of the friends turning more succesful than you, they also turn into rich a-holes. Causing them to leave you as you are now just a poor person to them and and they dont want to be seen with you by thier other rich a-hole friends.
This however is a curse so even your new poor friends end up rich succesful a-holes and thus you are doomed to live a lonely friendless life.

I wish for the dead to walk the earth seeking the flesh of mortals..

Granted. Turns out that scenario is not as much fun as you might think.


I wish that my cat would quit jumping onto my lap.

Granted. Your cat no longer wants to be petted, and feels terrible because you rejected it jumped into your lap, the sign of utmost love in cat.

I wish for my dreams to make some sense.

Ganted. You understand them all to well, and live in fear of what they have revealed.

I wish to slap somebody.