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daedalus wrote: I'll see delightful things like "lol i dont read".
There lies your explanation, I guess. You should maybe use pictogrames on your profile instead.
My Tindering has led me to believe that profiles are a waste of time. The vast majority are just blank, or have "I like >insert alcoholic beverage here>", "im actually 17 dunno why it says 25 lol", and/or the word "banter" (God, I wish it was legal to shoot people who use that word).
Then you're expected to look at the photos of people out on the piss or duck-facing/shirtless in front of the mirror and somehow glean from those photos some sort of interesting topic to start a conversation with, because unless you're really really ridiculously good-looking a cheesy pick-up line or joke won't cut it, and the conversation starters everyone uses in every-day life are for some reason taboo on dating apps - Lord forbid you say "hi" to someone on Tinder and expect a response, I mean that's only the way it works 99.9% of the time in any other instance, so why the hell should it work on a dating app?
The rare people who actually USE their profiles for anything other than saying "banter", correcting how they lied about their age, and telling you just how much they love gin, also seem to be people I'm not attracted to, and the even smaller percentage of those I am attracted to and actually give me something I can use to get a conversation going obviously haven't swiped me.
...Do I sound a little bitter? I think I sound bitter...
Mandorallen turned back toward the insolently sneering baron. 'My Lord,' The great knight said distantly, 'I find thy face apelike and thy form misshapen. Thy beard, moreover, is an offence against decency, resembling more closely the scabrous fur which doth decorate the hinder portion of a mongrel dog than a proper adornment for a human face. Is it possibly that thy mother, seized by some wild lechery, did dally at some time past with a randy goat?' - Mimbrate Knight Protector Mandorallen.
Excerpt from "Seeress of Kell", Book Five of The Malloreon series by David Eddings.
"You need not fear us, unless you are a dark heart, a vile one who preys on the innocent; I promise, you can’t hide forever in the empty darkness, for we will hunt you down like the animals you are, and pull you into the very bowels of hell." Iron - Within Temptation
My current state of affairs regarding the opposite sex.
NSFW
Not to worry.
Also, quick lesson was that despite lots of signals being the same as the ones initially given off by the previous girlfriend this one wasn't interested. Who could have known such things?
Manchu - "But so what? The Bible also says the flood destroyed the world. You only need an allegorical boat to tackle an allegorical flood."
Shespits "Anything i see with YOLO has half naked eleventeen year olds Girls. And of course booze and drugs and more half naked elventeen yearolds Girls. O how i wish to YOLO again!"
Rubiksnoob "Next you'll say driving a stick with a Scandinavian supermodel on your lap while ripping a bong impairs your driving. And you know what, I'M NOT GOING TO STOP, YOU FILTHY COMMUNIST"
I got a number too, from a fellow PhD student that I climbed with, to go play golf. But the thing is, I do not think that would in any way qualify as a date, because she already has a boyfriend, apparently.
"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1
I got a number too, from a fellow PhD student that I climbed with, to go play golf. But the thing is, I do not think that would in any way qualify as a date, because she already has a boyfriend, apparently.
Yes, I know. Else I would not have given her my number !
"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1
Guys. Im lost. Now what do I do. I ust got back from home and what do I do? I gave her my number via email, because she said her phone doesnt work well here in the mountains......
Do I invite her to my dorm for a movie and copoius drinking?
In confused
I got a number too, from a fellow PhD student that I climbed with, to go play golf. But the thing is, I do not think that would in any way qualify as a date, because she already has a boyfriend, apparently.
Meet up with her. You could chat to her about your predicament. You know who knows chicks? Other chicks. Seriously, befriend this girl. Even if she's not interested in you as a potential romantic partner, she'll get a chance to see how cool and nice you are, and can recommend you to one of her single friends. Boom.
Albatross wrote: Seriously, is this gak not obvious or something?
Why do you think I had lunch with her at her lab's canteen for 10€ rather than going back to mine to get something for 2/3€ . Of course I am befriending her, if I was just ignoring her she would not ask me if I am interested in going play golf with her!
As for telling her I am looking for a girlfriend, well… for now I am still very shy about talking about it IRL. Like, terribly. For now I have only mentioned the subject with only one friend, and I have known her for about 15 years. But I will think about it.
"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: As for telling her I am looking for a girlfriend, well… for now I am still very shy about talking about it IRL. Like, terribly. For now I have only mentioned the subject with only one friend, and I have known her for about 15 years. But I will think about it.
Just don't tell her by making a big awkward "I NEED GIRLFRIEND PLZ HALP ME" speech. For example, if she asks you how your weekend was mention the awful first date you had where she was really trying to set you up for a sunday date with Jesus*. You both get to laugh about it, and it tells her both that you're looking for a date and that you've got your life together enough to actually be doing it without being hopelessly desperate. The important thing is not to be awkward and desperate about it, since that makes it even less likely that she'd want to set you up with someone.
*Based on a true story.
There is no such thing as a hobby without politics. "Leave politics at the door" is itself a political statement, an endorsement of the status quo and an attempt to silence dissenting voices.
You know, while the whole, 'asking a female friend to see if she has any single female friends' had occurred to me. I genuinely hadn't considered the whole bringing up the idea by talking about a previously disastrous date.
And, to be honest, I have actually had a couple that weren't my fault that make slightly humorous stories.
Me, personally? I tried the dating thing again back in June, even went on a fair number of dates with the same girl. Even by the 4th date, things still seemed super weird and awkward for me. It sorta felt surreal really, like we were both doing/saying things, because that's what is expected - neither of us did much of the whole dating thing before, it being the first time both of us went on a 3rd date with someone, for example.
In any case, it's probably a stumbling definition of what 'lack of chemistry' meant, even though, on paper, it would be a good mix. - For example, a big interest in Game of Thrones / Lord of The Rings.
In any case, since then, I've not really thought much about dating at all, only logging onto the dating websites once or twice at most.
However, now... Since then, I've been focusing on my career, which is now in a good place, so my thoughts are now turning back to the whole dating thing, because well, that's the standard idea isn't it? Get your homelife sorted out properly (life - done), get your worklife in a good place (money - done), find someone to settle down with.... Not checked.
With me turning 30 next year, well, I'm very aware the whole life-clock is ticking. - My cousin just had her first child for example, making my mothers sister a grandmother and my gran, a great granny.
Then there's me, but, truth be told, being very much on the introverted end of the spectrum (going by the definition of being around / interacting with others causes a loss of energy rather than gain), I don't even know if I'd want to, well, actually end up dating someone at all. - And have someone else around in my life, near enough all the time.
Well, if inviting her to your dorm for a movie and copious drinking seems like a good time to you, just do that. No?
Peregrine wrote: Just don't tell her by making a big awkward "I NEED GIRLFRIEND PLZ HALP ME" speech.
I just said I was much too shy for this anyway. I could possibly talk passingly on this subject, but do not expect me to be upfront about it.
I guess you can basically expect me to be very reserved about any kind of personal stuff, but especially about that.
(And this is the part of the conversation where I feel like expressing myself in English suddenly becomes way harder than in my native tongue . Hope I still manage to convey my ideas right.)
Peregrine wrote: For example, if she asks you how your weekend was mention the awful first date you had where she was really trying to set you up for a sunday date with Jesus*. You both get to laugh about it, and it tells her both that you're looking for a date and that you've got your life together enough to actually be doing it without being hopelessly desperate. The important thing is not to be awkward and desperate about it, since that makes it even less likely that she'd want to set you up with someone.
*Based on a true story.
I have no fun date anecdotes to talk about, as I have had not much dates to begin with.
"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: I just said I was much too shy for this anyway. I could possibly talk passingly on this subject, but do not expect me to be upfront about it.
I guess you can basically expect me to be very reserved about any kind of personal stuff, but especially about that.
The problem with being shy is that it's easy to build something up into a Serious Conversation and then make an awkward mess of it when you finally do say something. Avoid doing this at all costs.
Also, don't look at dating as some kind of incredibly personal thing. Pretty much everyone dates at some point in their life, usually with disappointing results. Just think about it as something equivalent to "I played a game of 40k this weekend" or "wow the professor in class X is strict, I bet we all failed that test". As long as you don't make a big deal out of it you don't have anything to worry about.
I have no fun date anecdotes to talk about, as I have had not much dates to begin with.
Then if she asks you what you're up to make a comment about your hopeful date later that week. Or if the subject of online dating comes up you say "yeah, I've been trying that, it's been horrible/awesome/whatever". The point isn't the details of what you say, it's that you slip in a reference to the fact that you're single and looking without making the conversation about the fact that you're single and looking. You want her to think "oh, Hybrid is a cool guy and I think he was looking for a date" when one of her friends mentions having the same problem, but without making yourself look like a hopeless loser who can't get his own dates.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Compel wrote: Then there's me, but, truth be told, being very much on the introverted end of the spectrum (going by the definition of being around / interacting with others causes a loss of energy rather than gain), I don't even know if I'd want to, well, actually end up dating someone at all. - And have someone else around in my life, near enough all the time.
It's possible to solve that problem, you just need to know what you're looking for. As an introvert in a happy long-term relationship with someone even more introverted two obvious options come to mind:
1) Find someone equally introverted so that you're both happy having your private time and space. Separate bedrooms, independent hobbies, etc, so you both have the option to retreat into your own space and recharge. And since you both have the same kind of personality you'll have no problem understanding why the other person needs that separation. But then when you do want company you have someone filling that role in your life. And that's something very important since introverts often have a hard time getting out and meeting people or maintaining friendships. Your hypothetical introverted girlfriend would probably be happy that, when they want to spend time with someone, they can just say "hey, let's do X" instead of having to go out and find something to do.
2) Find someone interested in an open/polyamorous relationship where they're free to go fill their social needs elsewhere when you need your quiet time alone. For example, if your girlfriend spends three days a week with her other boyfriend then that's three days a week that you have all to yourself. You can enjoy your time together when you want it, but you don't have to have constant relationship stress over unmet needs when you don't.
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2014/10/06 06:09:49
There is no such thing as a hobby without politics. "Leave politics at the door" is itself a political statement, an endorsement of the status quo and an attempt to silence dissenting voices.
mitch_rifle wrote: Having children or a partner isn't mandatory, dont worry about it so much
Maybe not for some people, but for most people having a partner really is mandatory for being happy long-term. "Don't worry about it" isn't very useful advice when someone already knows what they want and just needs help getting it.
There is no such thing as a hobby without politics. "Leave politics at the door" is itself a political statement, an endorsement of the status quo and an attempt to silence dissenting voices.
I did the unthinkable the other week there gentleman. I did the drunk text. It wasn't offensive, but it was just overly convoluted. I've been kicking myself since as I actually just wanted to do it in person. The alcohol has scuppered me. The thing that's particularly annoying is that I actually believe there is mutual attraction there, but obviously the way not to go about it is through drunken nonsense. I'm just so angry at myself.
We are work colleagues and we work in the same area, I know!, I know!, but I was thinking of soberly broaching the idea the next time we leave work. Like maybe explain the reasoning behind the drunk thing and if there's any interest there? FWIW a few work other female colleagues in the department hint as if they see something between us. One of them mentioned it last night... felt good but simultaneously bad, man.
I wouldn't be too bothered about pursuing this normally but it was just the signs of mutual attraction have me all confused. The response to my drunkenness wasn't overly negative, but she did feel it might be inappropriate in a work setting. Part of me thinks feth it, it's a part time job. I'm not having my life dictated to me by minimum wage. The other part thinks it might come across as pushy? Maybe leaving a couple of weeks to let the dust settle and see what happens? Obviously i'll still be talking to her, but won't bring it up again so soon.
I've clusterfethed myself over on this one gents.
So what do you think? Cut my loses and learn from a painful experience or try and salvage?
Hey man. Similar thing happened to me around 50 pages ago:
tl;dr - I'd had a major crush on a work colleague, we kissed at a work's party then I walked her home drunk; she couldn't remember kissing me, basically just fizzled out after that, give or take a few ill-advised drunken texts on my part)
It's an awkward situation. I say play it cool and let her come to you if she's interested in anything happening. It sounds like you've already set your stall out, albeit not exactly how you would have liked, but there it it is. What's done is done.
If it's playing on your mind, just take her to one side and apologise for the drunkeness, but make it clear that you did it because you would like to date her at some point and that you just went about it in kind of the wrong way. Then just leave the ball in her court and don't bring it up again unless she does. Don't act too thirsty.
That being said, I wish someone had told me this at the time, and it took me meeting and falling in love with someone to realise this:
It shouldn't be this difficult. When you meet the right person it will all just fall into place, and it won't matter how daft you make yourself look - she'll just dig you. In my opinion, you gave this girl the perfect opportunity to get with you, or else declare her interest. She doesn't appear to have done so. The 'we work together it'd be awkard' thing is just a smokescreen - I know, because the girl in my story told me the exact same thing. It shouldn't matter one iota if you work together, if she's into you she wouldn't be able to help herself. If she CAN, she's probably just not that into you.
Sorry, I know that's probably not a nice thing to hear, but I wish someone had told me it.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/10/06 14:16:35
Medium of Death wrote: The response to my drunkenness wasn't overly negative, but she did feel it might be inappropriate in a work setting.
And this is your "no". Let it go, and don't make work awkward for her by continuing to push when she's already said no. And don't read too much into the supposed signs of attraction, if she openly said no then she's probably just being friendly and you're assuming the wrong thing.
Part of me thinks feth it, it's a part time job. I'm not having my life dictated to me by minimum wage.
Don't be a selfish about this. This is her job too, and if you become "that creepy guy who won't get the hint" she has to choose between putting up with it and putting her own financial security at risk. Plus, if you really cross the line you could end up fired for harassing her.
(This is why people always say "don't try to date at work".)
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/10/06 20:51:23
There is no such thing as a hobby without politics. "Leave politics at the door" is itself a political statement, an endorsement of the status quo and an attempt to silence dissenting voices.
5000pts 
6000pts 
3000pts
. Of course I am befriending her, if I was just ignoring her she would not ask me if I am interested in going play golf with her!
about this. This is her job too, and if you become "that creepy guy who won't get the hint" she has to choose between putting up with it and putting her own financial security at risk. Plus, if you really cross the line you could end up fired for harassing her.