Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
Still not sure whether I am annoying her and she is just being polite and I should stop or if she is just really too busy with the article and I am being paranoid...

So back off for a while and see what happens. Someone who is genuinely interested will probably make an effort to keep the friendship/relationship going (since you work together there are plenty of opportunities to at least have a brief conversation), someone who is tired of you and just doing the bare minimum to avoid being rude won't.

 Peregrine wrote:
since you work together there are plenty of opportunities to at least have a brief conversation

No, we do not. We just go to the same climbing place,twice a week. She works in another lab, on predicting how much noise wind turbines makes. So not so many opportunities for conversation actually, now that we do not take lunch together anymore.

I think it's safe to say hybrid that she is brushing you off.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
No, we do not. We just go to the same climbing place,twice a week. She works in another lab, on predicting how much noise wind turbines makes. So not so many opportunities for conversation actually, now that we do not take lunch together anymore.

Still, the point remains: back off a bit and see if she makes an effort to talk to you. As long as you aren't completely isolated and out of reach someone who is genuinely interested will find ways to make opportunities.

Okay, I think I will do this. Going to climb this Friday.

well, you know how a while ago I said that another girl was interested in me, her and the GF have started arguing, with girl number2 saying that my GF is lying about something. the thing is, no one will tell me anything about what the argument is about. And this may be me being extremely arrogant,. but something tells me that the argument might be over...me. with just one day of school left before eight weeks of holidays, I see no need to intervene. should it come to violence tho, I shall be forced to interject.

Or watch a cat-fight...?

 the shrouded lord wrote:
well, you know how a while ago I said that another girl was interested in me, her and the GF have started arguing, with girl number2 saying that my GF is lying about something. the thing is, no one will tell me anything about what the argument is about. And this may be me being extremely arrogant,. but something tells me that the argument might be over...me. with just one day of school left before eight weeks of holidays, I see no need to intervene. should it come to violence tho, I shall be forced to interject.

You're right, that does indeed sound incredibly arrogant.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Well, I thought I might have had something good going for me here, but I get the feeling I managed to--in true Avatar720 style--gak it up.

Everytime I try and go out with a girl, we talk a lot before hand (like online skype and all that nonsense) and they seem really to like me, then we meet and it seems to go alright, we make plans for another get together and they never speak to me again (and if they do it's rather cold and almost annoyed).
Never like tell me to go away, it's just this fun time and that's it...
Last one I just assumed it was going that way when I got home and it was.
I always have a fair bit in common with them and they always say how they enjoy quirky people...
I guess I am just too quirky, I donno.
While this year I have tried the most I have also failed the most (well I fail every time).
My own gender seems much more accepting of my insanity, maybe I should do 2015 gay, it's certainly within the realm of possibilities for...a bisexual...

Rainbow , you might be falling foul of "don't feth crazy" so having a gay 2015 may not work for you.

 Rainbow Dash wrote:
I always have a fair bit in common with them and they always say how they enjoy quirky people...
I guess I am just too quirky, I donno.

Don't over-think it too much. Most first dates end in failure for a variety of reasons, unless you're a sex god with low standards. When you're exchanging initial messages you're always trying to make a good impression and convince the other person that you're interested and should go on the date. But you don't really know much about the other person, so it's easy to be optimistic and say "sure, let's do this". And then when the other person fails to be the 1% you're actually interested in long-term you do the polite "thanks for the nice evening" and never talk to each other again. So try not to convince yourself that you're doomed if all you're having trouble with is the usual failure rate.

But if you really want advice:

1) Pay attention to actions, not words. Is the other person acting like they're really into you, or are they just going along with it until they can end the date as gracefully as possible? Things have to be spectacularly bad before most people will openly say "this sucks" and walk away from a bad date, but they won't necessarily keep up the "I'm really interested in you" act. If you see this happening you're probably just investing too much in optimism about someone who isn't a good match. Cut your losses early and don't be surprised when you never hear from them again.

2) Think about who you're going on dates with. Are you going out with every random person you can just because they said yes? Are you putting too much weight on superficial common interests and expecting something like "OMG SHE LOVES MY FAVORITE BAND" to be a major good omen? If that's the case then a high failure rate is inevitable. If you want a better chance of success on the actual date then make sure you're being picky about who you go out with.

3) Consider trying to limit the "quirks" you show at first. A first date is all about making a good impression and getting a second date, not showing everything there is to know about yourself. For example, there are a lot of things I do/say with my girlfriend that I would NOT do/say on a first date, just because it's too easy for "charming quirk" or "private joke" to seem annoying and awkward if you don't know someone very well. You don't want to suppress your personality so much that you give a false impression (which just delays the inevitable) or make yourself seem so bland that there's nothing to inspire a second date, but try to have a little balance and hint at who you are without being overwhelming.

 Bullockist wrote:
Rainbow , you might be falling foul of "don't feth crazy" so having a gay 2015 may not work for you.

Don't see why it wouldn't, I'm not being all over dramatic here...I am legit bisexual...

And no I am not as strange as I usually am normally at first, I do over embellish the more normal things I enjoy since what I actually enjoy is really odd.

Well, at least you are getting to the date part. Maybe you are trying too hard at the date itself?

The number 1 mistake I see people make (especially dudes) on a first date is that they talk too much about themsevles, and don;t ask the other person enough about them.

In fact, 90% of the conversation should be about the person you are meeting. When they ask you a question, redirect it back to them after a short response.

People love talking about themselves (usually) so it leaves them with an overall better impression of the date.

And if both people on the date are using this rule?
Bam, stalemate.

Except I guarantee they won't because most people can't help but talk about themselves.

 Easy E wrote:
Except I guarantee they won't because most people can't help but talk about themselves.

I couldn't talk about myself if I tried

Except you just did.

[McBain]That's the joke![/McBain]

 Alex Kolodotschko wrote:
And if both people on the date are using this rule?
Bam, stalemate.

It means both are pretty interested in each other. So, if this continues until the end of the date, it means major success, no ?




Can someone explain to me why stuff like this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs put sex on the same level as eating or drinking or sleeping? I am pretty sure if I had not eaten or drunk or slept for 27 years, I would be very dead. It seems to be placing an awful lot of emphasis on it. And this is a random example, but I regularly have the impression people show they consider that having sex regularly is very, very important. Why?

So....my friends convinced me on a dating website

Ugh. Dating websites.

Such effort. Many messages.

Honestly I wouldn't bother unless you're willing to write messages and get ignored a lot of the time.

It's much easier to go to places and talk to women IMHO.

I'm not sure if many other people have heard this frequently, but I've had a couple of girls (from Uni & Work) chat about how they'd been speaking to somebody through messaging (online, phone etc) but when they meet it's like a completely different person in terms of conversation. i.e. There isn't any. Not a universal truth, just maybe something to be wary of.

As always YMMV.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
Can someone explain to me why stuff like this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs put sex on the same level as eating or drinking or sleeping? I am pretty sure if I had not eaten or drunk or slept for 27 years, I would be very dead. It seems to be placing an awful lot of emphasis on it.

It puts it on the same level because the hierarchy is an approximation for theoretical purposes, not an indisputable rule that everyone follows. Instinctive desire for sex (reproduction, really, but low-level instincts don't understand birth control) is one of those unconscious things that people just want without ever making a choice to desire. You obviously won't die without it in the same way that you'll die if you don't eat at all, but you'll probably be unhappy in the same way that you'll be unhappy if you don't eat enough.

And this is a random example, but I regularly have the impression people show they consider that having sex regularly is very, very important. Why?

Counter-question: have you had sex?


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Medium of Death wrote:
It's much easier to go to places and talk to women IMHO.

Depends on what you're doing with your life. If you have a job/hobbies/etc where you interact with lots of different women then yeah, a dating site might be kind of redundant. If you spend all of your time on male-dominated things and your method for meeting women is going to a bar and asking random strangers for their number then you're going to have the same failure rate as a dating site except you'll be paying more for the drinks. And dating sites offer something very valuable that doesn't exist offline: the opportunity to filter out obvious bad matches without wasting time talking to them. As long as you're using a site that has a decent number of members in your area you can create a dating pool for yourself that allows you to focus on the people who have at least a non-trivial chance of being worth a date.

cute hostess at favorite bar has boyfriend boooooooooo :'-C

chaos0xomega wrote:
cute hostess at favorite bar has boyfriend boooooooooo :'-C

Kill him and steal his face.

chaos0xomega wrote:
cute hostess at favorite bar has boyfriend boooooooooo :'-C

Threesome.

 Avatar 720 wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
cute hostess at favorite bar has boyfriend boooooooooo :'-C

Kill him and steal his face.

Well, my ideal woman is Harley Quinn... but I dont think she'll go for that joker face thing....

Threesome.

I aint ready for that...

chaos0xomega wrote:
cute hostess at favorite bar has boyfriend boooooooooo :'-C

It's the 21st century, man. Boyfriends mean gak

 Peregrine wrote:
Counter-question: have you had sex?

I thought it was clear from my previous sentenced and I already mentioned it before itt: no. That is precisely why I am asking the question. And also, I am 27.

 Aesop the God Awful wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
cute hostess at favorite bar has boyfriend boooooooooo :'-C

It's the 21st century, man. Boyfriends mean gak

Im not a scumbag and believe in something called respect.
Besides, karma is a bitch.

chaos0xomega wrote:

 Aesop the God Awful wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
cute hostess at favorite bar has boyfriend boooooooooo :'-C

It's the 21st century, man. Boyfriends mean gak

Im not a scumbag and believe in something called respect.
Besides, karma is a bitch.

Plus it generally just makes the person uncomfortable and definitely less likely to want to spend time with you, I tried in high school it doesn't work and it's a gakky thing to do.

 Aesop the God Awful wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
cute hostess at favorite bar has boyfriend boooooooooo :'-C

It's the 21st century, man. Boyfriends mean gak

Sadly this is very true, but as it was said karma is a bitch and you will get yours in the end.

Case in point, don't bang the girl your interested in's best friend simply because you think she'll never open up to you. Big mistake.