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Underwater

Ok so, cards on the table, I'm not a fan of Kristen Stewart, but I felt there was enough here outside of that to be worth investigating.

I was wrong.

Essentially, by the time I was done I felt like I'd watched somebody play a video game for an hour and a half. The main character moves between locations, interacting with other characters and attempting to solve increasingly challenging problems to advance to the next section.

The plot wastes little time on exposition, I think there's actually no dialogue at all before the initial narrative event kicks off the action, and while this can sometimes be an effective way of sweeping the audience along, in this case I think it just fails to establish any stakes or allow the audience to invest in any characters.

I'm not someone who is generally bothered by such things, but I also feel special criticism should be levelled at managing to get both female leads (Stewart and a criminally under utilised Jessica Henwick) in their Ripley-esque pants for the final few scenes while allowing the male actor, who has been through exactly the same experiences, to remain in long sleeves and boxers.

Positives are largely visual, for a movie that pretty shamelessly rips off Aliens with an Abyss twist, it does a really good job of building an aesthetic based out of those two movies. I haven't seen a movie do functional, grubby Sci-Fi so well in quite some time. It also does a decent job in conveying what being alone in the water miles from the surface and sunlight must feel like, albeit only in fleeting moments.

Overall, it's not great, and you can probably get sufficient impression of what it does well from watching the trailer, but if you fancy seeing a visually impressive industrial sci fi production design and aren't offended by Stewart's smell-the-fart acting style too badly, at least it's only 90 minutes.

Dog Soldiers

Basically one of the finest Werewolf films I’ve ever seen.

Being fairly low budget, the baddies tend to be more glimpsed than seen.

It’s well paced, has some decent squaddie humour. And in a real treat, we see Soldiers up against something supernatural/unknown, and not going to pot.

The cast are all excellent.

Definitely give it a watch.

There is no Spoon

I love that film… writing a whole film just to crack off a throwaway Matrix parody reference… what stamina

depicts the proper use of superglue as well!

I’m reliably informed that the Squaddie banter is pretty life accurate as well.

James Bond-The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

Also known as the one where he goes to Egypt. Or the one with the submarines.

Summary: Some dude kidnaps some nuclear submarines, so James Bond and this Russian chick have to find a guy, who tells them to find another guy, who leads them to this guy, who has the microfilm which has a clue which leads them to some dude who's kidnapping nuclear submarines. Also they have sex. And Jaws is in it. But they don't have sex with him.

Bits of amusement for me were Bond in full Laurence of Arabia regalia riding a camel to visit his buddy the Sheik who naturally lives in a tent next to the Pyramids. Driving from Cairo to Luxor in a few hours (versus 3-4 days) and traveling from Luxor back to Cairo but somehow ending up in Aswan which is in the opposite direction. Also MI6 keeps a secret base inside an ancient temple because no one would ever look in there. OH! and traveling from Egypt to Italy... by train.

But all geography sins are forgiven by this line:
(in the Sheik's tent, glancing at a harem girl) "When one is in Egypt, one should delve deeply into its treasures."



Grade A Bond cheese.

And the best bond car ever

Everyone wants a transforming Lotus!

 Flinty wrote:
And the best bond car ever

Everyone wants a transforming Lotus!

Thank you I absolutely forgot to mention the transforming Lotus!

I heard Musk bought the original car and is going to make it work IRL!

I sat down and re-watched the Blade trilogy.

You know, the decline in story-telling happens in inverse to the increase in talent on screen. For example, the third one had the best "cast" but was the worst story-telling.

Also, the further away you go from the original, the less "edge" and gritty feel you get. By the third, the series has been white-washed and suburbanized.

I also glanced at the Blade series, but the first episode did not grab me at all.

I’d say the second Blade film is the best one.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
I’d say the second Blade film is the best one.

You are wrong. Sorry.

Blade II is three movies in one, and therefore does not allow the movie to breath or develop properly.

I'd say it does have the best soundtrack though, some real crackers on there.

Blade is a great kickboxing vampire movie.


There's also Blade 2 and 3, which I'm sure somebody watched, and probably even enjoyed.


The end.

Blade 2 has Ron Pearlman, and One Of Those Blokes Out of Bros. Which makes it grate.

Or even gr8 if you wanna be edgy.

It also doesn’t involve crap blood effects, and indeed the bad guy something something but not worrying it clearly can’t be the intended summonee on account his underling sort of casually murdered to death one of the vital ingredients before the ritual began.

Therefore I quite correct.

Blade 3 is however a massive steaming pile.

I find that most of the blade movies have something to enjoy. The first one is a fairly solid comic book movie in the era before the MCU. Blade 2 at least had a cast of characters that were fun to watch on screen. Blade 3 had Ryan Reynolds stealing the show though I understand not everyone appreciates him doing so XD

Traci Lords is in the first Blade movie.

One of a small handful of her movies you are allowed to watch ...

(young'uns can google her name).

That reminds me of when she “starred” in Tommyknockers. I remember some manufactured(?) controversy over her being in the TV movie…more than I remember her actual role in the TV movie.

Similarly disappointing was the final appearance of the aliens as some generic Pumpkinhead wannabes when the book described them more like hentai ALFs. If it weren’t for Jimmy Smits, that miniseries would have been a total waste.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
I’d say the second Blade film is the best one.

Me too. Blade II is my favorite marvel movie, along with X2 and maybe the first Raimi's Spiderman. But I like the entire trilogy, including the third gakky movie.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 LordofHats wrote:
Blade 3 had Ryan Reynolds stealing the show though I understand not everyone appreciates him doing so XD

It depends on whether you like him or not. I consider him the most obnoxious actor in history and I can't understand why people find him funny .

Loved Blade 1 and 2 (I know it is getting a reboot, they have got some serious work on if they want to equal or better those films)

The guy from Bros actually isn't a bad actor and I thought did a good job with the role, he's also quite good in Hellboy 2 in a similar kind of 'magic creature' part.

For the third one, I think I only watched it once when it was released in the cinemas, all I can remember from it is a little vampire dog!

Did my Blade reviews in this thread last year:
1 still stands up as a quality film.
2 is much worse than I had remembered it and isn't a good film.
3 is a poor Blade film but in isolation is a fun action flick.

 chromedog wrote:
Traci Lords is in the first Blade movie.

One of a small handful of her movies you are allowed to watch ...

(young'uns can google her name).

Huh, I did not know that. So the annual Blade debate always bears a kernel of usefulness.

"Stars" Traci Lords is a bit much.

The Marksman

Liam Neeson straight to streaming.

What a stupid film.

Also, the final shootout happens at a random, and seemingly abandoned farm. With lots of suspiciously shiny tractors.

I feel sorry for when the farmer gets home, and finds no less than three random ded people on his land.

Explain that one to the cops.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Bad Ass

Danny Trejo. Therefore it’s great by default. Give it a watch!

It's funny how Liam Neeson for a good 10 years now made a second career out of starring in 'Liam Neeson films'. He kinda became Charles Bronson.

Lovecraft

Basically Lovecraft 101 with the collection of talking heads, it's ok but nowt new really, although his family being able to trace his line back to my Shire explains a lot about him and the place

Death to 2021

Managed to "outrage" the UK gutter press (which is basically all of it) with a crude joke about Phil the Greek (dec'd) which to be honest wouldn't have been out of place in the clumsy mainstream media, a tad Brooker light but as per the Netflix Blackmirrors I dont think the world is quite ready for Charlie's undiluted cunning but brutal comedy, still very funny with Hugh Grant and Ms Milioti being the standouts

Career Opportunities

Proof even legends have off days, feel like it was written for his usual suspects and they didn't get round to it, still observing 90 mins or so of Jennifer Connelly might be worth a go if that's one's bag

Goonies

Of course never say die, its showing its age but having seen it on release I will always have a soft spot for it, and remember no Goonies would have resulted in a very different Stranger Things

 Turnip Jedi wrote:

Death to 2021

Managed to "outrage" the UK gutter press (which is basically all of it) with a crude joke about Phil the Greek (dec'd) which to be honest wouldn't have been out of place in the clumsy mainstream media, a tad Brooker light but as per the Netflix Blackmirrors I dont think the world is quite ready for Charlie's undiluted cunning but brutal comedy, still very funny with Hugh Grant and Ms Milioti being the standouts

I thought that program was really funny. I had to look up what the joke was again though to be reminded about it (haha). Crikey, the people getting offended really need to keep away from some of Brooker's books and articles then!

The show has definitely lost something from it not just being Charlie Brooker sat on a sofa with a camera pointing at him, and that deadpan/sarcastic delivery, but some of the cast on there (like you say Hugh Grant and I love Diane Morgan) now and the better production really add something too.

still baffled as to why Ms Morgan is not Philomena (unless she is and is in witless protection )

The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean (1972)

I watched the 2013 John Milius documentary again. Milius tells the story about this script he wrote about Judge Roy Bean, gave it Lee Marvin to read. According to Milius' telling Marvin read it while drunk, passed out at some point and left the script lying around, Paul Newman found it, rang up his studio to buy the script.

It was realized by John Houston. Milius (who initially wanted to direct it) wasn't happy with how it turned out, but ...well, it's Milius.

Anyway, I watched the film. Yup, it's very much a John Milius script, very much feels directed by John Houston, and made in the early 70s. It's a Western, taking place right before the turn of the 20th century. I went in knowing nothing about the plot or the historical figure, and that helped I think. I was surprised a fair amount during the first third, that's for sure.


Sure, the thing goes on for a bit too long, stuttering a little in terms of rhythm, and especially towards the end gets too much in love with the main character (who pretty much is an ass). Very much feels like a history of the US in general, so there are some parallels to draw there, but also a history of the US as told by John Milius in John Houston's pictures. That being said, it's good fun, and Paul Newman is great in it. Especially the first third or half or so is very, very funny (oftentimes a bit crudely so); showcasing the hypocracy of 'Judge' Roy Bean's reign.


If the combination of Milius, Houghes and Newman in one of the best later Westerns intrigues you, Watch It.




Also, watch the Milius (2013) documentary anyway. I find the guy really interesting. Well, the films he wrote are more interesting than the guy himself, I think. Either way, watch the documentary.

 Sigur wrote:

 chromedog wrote:
Traci Lords is in the first Blade movie.

One of a small handful of her movies you are allowed to watch ...

(young'uns can google her name).

Huh, I did not know that. So the annual Blade debate always bears a kernel of usefulness.

She's driving the convertible that takes the mook to the blood rave at the beginning of the movie.

Aaaah, waitaminute, I may have heard of that, but it must have been ages ago. So Traci Lords is to Blade what Drew Berrymore is to Scream basically.

 Sigur wrote:
Aaaah, waitaminute, I may have heard of that, but it must have been ages ago. So Traci Lords is to Blade what Drew Berrymore is to Scream basically.

Yes..... now connect them to Kevin Bacon......


Red Notice

The Rock, Wonder Woman, and the guy who stole all the scenes in Blade III create a buddy/heist movie. There is a lot of globe trotting, hijinks and shenanigans. At the end of the day, it is a bit campy by design. Despite all the big name talent and globe-trotting the movie felt like a very expensive pilot to a very expensive series. It reminded me a bit of the Man from UNCLE remake from Guy Ritchie in tone and feel.

Completely skippable, but not bad either.