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For me? Chronicles of Riddick should’ve been an awful film.

But it’s just pulpy enough to work and turn out enjoyable. Yes it rips off elements of Dune, Conan and a bunch of other movies and tropes? But somehow….it just sort of works.

I am very interested in that The Covenenat film. It got a theatre release in my area, but I knew it was not a film to take my wife to go see.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
The Chronicles of Riddick


What if Steven Seagal made a Dune movie?

This is a weird movie. It’s clearly a vanity project for Vin Diesel, but it’s also an attempted franchise and a cargo cult Sci Fi epic. It feels like it was constructed from the first book of a five part series, with half the pages torn out for time.

One area where it shines is production design. It has a specific look that makes every set, every spaceship, every costume (other than the black tank top) distinctive to the Riddickverse. It feels like Lynch’s Dune in that regard. It’s worth watching just for the sets and props.


And that’s a good thing because the acting is stiff and stilted. Even Karl Urban comes off badly in this film. Only the Lord Marshal makes the pseudo-gravitas work for him.

If you’re looking for a good movie, this isn’t it. If you’re looking for an enjoyably flawed ambitious failure, this is the film for you.

Vin Diesel didn't get the rights to the Riddick character until after The Chronicles of Riddick, but he was a producer in the film. He got the rights for his cameo in Tokyo Drift instead of being paid. If anything was a vanity project it was the film Riddick.

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/general-news/vin-diesel-traded-fast-furious-619386/

Chronicles was definitely a love letter from him and Twohy to the character, with a ton of Vin’s nerdy rpg ideas mixed in. While it’s not as obnoxious as Riddick in that regard, it’s still blatantly self-indulgent. It counts as a vanity project.

Books of Blood

Horror Anthology flick I found on Disney+.

I absolutely adore me a Horror Anthology flick, or Portmanteau. Have done ever since I saw the occasional Amicus production cluttering up the late night schedule as a nipper.

And this is a pretty solid one. Indeed a cursory google shows this is in fact….based on Clive Barker short stories.

If you’re in the U.K., and you’ve got Disney+, give it a watch. Being Clive Barker in origin the thrust is mostly from the atmosphere, rather than a ton of gore.

Remo Williams - the adventure begins!

A mid 80’s catastrophe. A diet Rambo clone, where a not-actually-dead-cop is recruited to become some kind of Kung-Fu assassin type wot can run on water.

This film has many flaws. Not only does his trainer have a proper Charlie Chan accent? But yellow face.

The right scenes are lame. The effects are non-existent.

I’m only watching this because I recognised the name from when I was much younger.

It does have Fred Ward in it though.


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Nope. I can’t. I can’t finish it. It’s too awful.

On with…

Young Sherlock Holmes

This? Is a belter. Some of the earliest 3D CGI used in a film, but plenty of practical and stop motion effects.

Whilst not that warmly received on release, it’s one I can watch over and over and over. As a kid some of the scenes were genuinely scary. As an adult, I can marvel at just how bloody good they are.

Now it’s not one for very young children because those scenes are so effective. But for tweens and up, this is a solid adventure romp.

On one hand I’m sad it never got a sequel, but on the other, sequels are comfortably in “be careful what you wish for” territory.

And thought I type this on Midsummer’s Day? Save this for the colder months. Fire on, popcorn in bowl, hot chocolate in mug, and enjoy.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Remo Williams - the adventure begins!

A mid 80’s catastrophe. A diet Rambo clone, where a not-actually-dead-cop is recruited to become some kind of Kung-Fu assassin type wot can run on water.

This film has many flaws. Not only does his trainer have a proper Charlie Chan accent? But yellow face.

The right scenes are lame. The effects are non-existent.

I’m only watching this because I recognised the name from when I was much younger.

It does have Fred Ward in it though.

The film makes more sense if you're familiar with the source material. It's based on The Destroyer series of novels first published in 1971 (therefore predating Rambo by a decade) and still going with over 150 books in the series. It's a bit of a mash-up of various pulp genres (as can be seen in his rogue's gallery) and should be read with tongue firmly planted in cheek.

Hopefully the planned TV series will do a better job of telling the story then the film did.

The Man from UNCLE

The Guy Ritchie film with Henry Cavill, from 2015

I fondly remember repeats of the original TV show and it's movies and missed this at the cinema so gave this a look at on Prime over the weekend. And it's.... OK? Ish? I don't know if it was a failed attempt at new franchise but it didn't really grab me. It was all 'cool sixties' but it didn't seem 'Man from UNCLE-y' that often, although the scene where the torturer burns to death in his own chair while the Solo and Kuryakin discuss what to do with him was funny (OK when I write it out like that, it doesn't sound funny... but it was).

Cavill was a good Napoleon Solo, Hammer was completely different to David Macallum (I guess they were going for a 'chalk and cheese' set up) so it didn't hit home with me. Hugh Grant probably would have made a good 'new' Waverly, but I guess I wasn't the only one who thought 'meh'.

For some inexplicable reason Remo Williams has a cult following. I blame the fact that it was on UHF TV channels in the 90's every. single. Saturday.


Man from UNCLE should be way better than it is. The component pieces are good. The actors are good. The story is solid. However, I think it is let down by a by-the-numbers climax.

Young Sherlock Holmes had a great score. Waxing Elizabeth is a track I listen to all the time while assembling and painting. All the cult and hallucination scenes are fun.

Shao Lin Soccer

When you know you’re just a meme. But a trope.

And you lean into that with your tongue firmly in your cheek?

You get this masterpiece of silliness.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Shao Lin Soccer

When you know you’re just a meme. But a trope.

And you lean into that with your tongue firmly in your cheek?

You get this masterpiece of silliness.

Yup, it's gotta be my favourite martial arts comedy (Jackie Chan notwithstanding). Just a funny, funny film.

Air Force One

Another of those movies you’d think I’d have seen years ago, but no!

It’s pretty good fun. Harrison Ford is basically President Han Solo, including emerging from a floor hatch.

Kind of interesting to see it post 9/11, an event which changed our world forever. We see a US President tell a Middle Eastern country “we don’t negotiate with terrorists” a good few years before, well. They had to say it and mean it.

It is a bit Team America Puff Piece, but that’s the era and the nature so hardly a criticism or surprise.

Supporting cast is pretty mega too. Dean Stockwell! Gary Oldman! Glenn Close!

Decent late 90’s action thriller silly gun fun.


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The Rock

Seems I’m off on a 90’s action movie odyssey this evening.

For a Michael Bay movie? This is unusually good. Not only do we have a villain with actual motivation, but Sean Connery and Nic Cage make a solid double act. And let’s face it, this is pretty much a Secret Bond Film.

It’s kind of let down by the villain’s men being incredibly unlikable. It’s touched on that whilst he’s never served with them, he knows of their actions and reputation. But surely he’d know Captain Billy Big-chin and Tony Todd were douchebags?

Wonder Woman

This is a really solid, enjoyable movie right up until Ares arrives. My first viewing was more positive, but on second viewing, knowing this was coming somewhat dampened my enjoyment.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Air Force One

The Rock

Air Force One is acceptable 90's action nonsense. I'm not going to recommend you watch it, but I'm also not going to say to avoid. I often get this one mixed up with Executive Decision, which is only worth watching to cheer when Segal dies

The Rock on the other hand is a fantastic piece of cinema. Michael Bay may be a blight on our screens, but the few moments of magic he produces almost make up for it The Avatar thread asks why that film had no cultural impact. Go and watch The Rock and quote Nic and Sean endlessly and you'll see cultural impact. It's bonkers in all the right ways.
"Winners go home and **** the prom queen"
"I'll take pleasure in gutting you, boy"

While you're at it, go and watch ConAir and Face Off. The 90's was an era of sheer lunacy!


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 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
Wonder Woman

This is a really solid, enjoyable movie right up until Ares arrives. My first viewing was more positive, but on second viewing, knowing this was coming somewhat dampened my enjoyment.

Yep, I think it's a commendable movie with enough structure to keep happy those who like action and those who like to look a bit deeper. Until the last 20 minutes. Then it turns into an unforgivable mess.

I’ll see your Executive Decision and raise you *checks title* erm….Executive Command.

Starring no-one you’ve ever heard of before or since, but at least one of them kind of looks like Kevin Bacon, if I got you to drink 12 pints and poked you in both eyes and you squinted really really hard. Let’s just call him Bobby Gammon.

Also, Not James Spader.

I’m not expecting much. And I suspect I’ll still be sorely disappointed.

Oh wow. Mere seconds in and they’ve ripped off The Rock’s opening scene with no style or panache or….special effects, other than splashing something that looked like population paste against the window.


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Wait. Brian Cranston just appeared.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
something that looked like population paste

I don't consider myself particularly naive, but that's the first I've heard that term and I heartily approve.

This…is bits of Executive Decision, Air Force One and The Rock mashed up. The bad bits. The awful bits. The bits that after a particularly bad time on the bog just won’t flush bits.

Not in a fun, appreciable “Bubble & Squeak for brekkie” way. Just…..’we’ve got funding and a way to dodge tax’ way.

How this wasn’t sued into oblivion I’ll never know.


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Oh those pansies!

We get the (already dubious) air tunnel scene. But they didn’t even job a Pound Shop Steven Seagull. Not even an Allan Albatross, Barry Budgerigar or Peter Peregrine-Falcon.

Booooo!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

They didn’t even give turbulence as an explanation for why that plan went wrong.


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And one last rip off. Where the goodie staffs the population paste causing toxin into the baddy’s face, also killing baddy’s pilot. And just like Nic Cage has to inject himself (in the neck, the massive wuss) to save his own life.

Except….unlike Nic Cage, he’s clearly already coughing up things you’d much prefer to be kept on the inside.

Also, army/marine/whatever hard man with the absolute worst “it is real, honest” neck tattoo I could swear was put out of our misery earlier, being all shot to death is suddenly…..fine?

Executive Decision is notable for being a Steven Segal film where he dies in the first 10m, leaving us with Kurt Russel for the rest of the film. I'd call that a significant upgrade.

And The Rock has an amazing score. Sure, it's Hanz Zimmer at his most Hanz Zimmerest, but it's still good.

Putting on Executive Decision now.

Fond memories of this. Saw it before I really knew what a weirdo Seagal is, so his rather sudden departure was genuinely surprising.

Watching the opening scene sign more educated eyes? It’s funny that even in his heyday he didn’t half lumber around the shop. No grace whatsoever.

Oh…he’s just been told one of his men got jobbed….no change in facial expression. Just his customary “hard man” scowl.

But don’t worry, here’s Kurt Russell to make everything better. And David Suchet, who previously I’d only known from Poirot will be along in a minute.

Like Air Force One, the sad fact of 9/11 has somewhat changed this movie. For instance, the baddies sneak a weapon aboard disguised as cameras etc. having flown a fair few times pre 9/11, that’s….actually fairly plausible. Post 9/11 however it’s just gonna look ridiculous.


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Broken Arrow

A John Woo film starring John Travolta. Also Christian Slater and Kurtwood Smith.

Kind of fun, but oddly restrained. Like Hollywood and Woo hadn’t quite sussed each other out, and what each could bring to the table.

What’s here is good fun. Hokey plot about Travolta nicking some nukes (Nicky Nukey…is that a trope?) for….well….money. Honestly I’m torn whether that’s lazy writing or a refreshingly honest motivation. I mean “Nicky Nukey Blackmail Profit” could be both at the end of the day.

Action is where this just doesn’t quite work. John Woo has his style. And it’s a style as I ventured above I’m not sure Hollywood had properly adapted at the time.

Certainly his next US movie was Face/Off (which is gonna be up next, like tomorrow next. Not right now next) and I recall that being a lot smoother. But Wikipedia suggests the underrated Van Damme vehicle Hard Target came a few years before.

I genuinely mean that one is underrated, as whilst I’ve not seen it for a while (again, it’s on my list) I remember it being quite good fun. A fairly 80’s Grindhouse plot but made very much in the 90’s.

But yeah. Broken Arrow. It’s perfectly serviceable and certainly better than far too many 90’s action nonsense films. But it just falls short of being Objectively Good.

Catwoman

I recalled someone suggesting this as so bad it’s good, so we gave it a shot.

It was surprisingly entertaining. Not good, but fun. I was never bored by it. Looked like most of the actors were having a great time. If any things made the film outright bad, they would be the ‘borderline experimental’ editing and the unintentionally hilarious score. Someone made some baffling choices after most of the cast and crew finished the film they thought they were making.

PS: I feel like I must be getting old when my reaction to Halle Berry in leather is “sure, she’s conventionally attractive, but how about that Alex Borstein?”


The Death of Superman Lives

First for some context, I looked up “Kevin Smith Superman” on YouTube and had a great time. Then I wanted to know more about the failed Tim Burton/Nicholas Cage Superman movie, Superman Lives.

This documentary is on YouTube, and well worth a watch if you like behind the scenes stuff and ambitious failures. Even if those kind of Hollywood stories aren’t your thing, if you like Sci Fi it’s worth watching for the concept art alone. Really bizarre takes all around.


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Re:Broken Arrow, I find that to be one of those memory-hole movies that I remember watching but can’t remember a single thing that happens in it. Even at the time it came across as a cookie cutter action movie…which by today’s standards probably makes it a tightly-scripted, sumptuously choreographed stunt show extravaganza.

So this is doing my nut.

Regular viewers may be aware I have a love for anthology horror flicks, and indeed have a fair collection.

But there’s one I saw years ago which I just cannot identify. It’s not a Creepshow. It’s not a Tales from the Darkside.

The segment I recall best involved a balding middle aged gent that undergoes a hair replacement treatment. It works! Long luscious locks manifest. Only….it’s not hair. It’s skinny creepy worm things! And I think his entire body becomes comprised of them.

Can anyone please tell the title of the film?

Pretty sure this has been asked quite recently. It’s this one I think

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_Bags_(film)


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Hah. It was you MDK asking in March

https://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/2610/767846.page#11507570

I am a daft ‘apportion 🤣🤣

Hard Target

JCvD and his magnificent mullet go up against naughty-evil-wicked-bad Lance Henriksen and Arnold “he was Imhotep” Vosloo in a John Woo action flick.

It’s daft, but oddly low-key daft.

Basically Lance Henriksen runs a “dangerous game” manhunt type thing. He recruits homeless bums, and then hunts them down in a pretty one-sided affair.

Until he crosses JCvD of course.

Cool stunts and shoot outs ensue, and the paper thin plot endures the course well enough.

It absolutely reeks of early 90’s action nonsense. Such as JCvD punching out a Rattle snake, biting off its Rattle, then leaving it as a (successful) trap for our baddies. JCvD jump-kicking a bloke off a motorcycle. JCvD balancing feet on the seat of a motorcycle, shooting the occupants of a car then crashing into and over it.

If like me you have a penchant for such silliness? Get it watched, especially as younger Dakkanauts may have missed it. If you’re really lucky, it’ll push some Seagal out your mind, making for a happier world.


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Also, bonus points for Wilfred Brimley.

Double extra bonus points for Wilfred Brimley blowing up baddies.

 Henry wrote:

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Air Force One

The Rock

Air Force One is acceptable 90's action nonsense. I'm not going to recommend you watch it, but I'm also not going to say to avoid. I often get this one mixed up with Executive Decision, which is only worth watching to cheer when Segal dies
...

Hooooold it! I recently watched Executive Decision and enjoyed it way more than I thought I would. An exciting 90s action thriller.


@Mad Doc Grotsnik: Oh heck yes. that's a fun one.



I may have to watch Executive Command. What I just did watch was Rumble in the Bronx. Maybe it was the first Jackie Chan film I watched back in t'day. I was completely sockless, because they'd been blown off by the end of the film. And only THEN we learn how many of the stunts he did with a broken friggin foot! It's still an insane film. Just greatly entertaining.

Face/Off

Well now.

Now then now then now then then now then then now.

Once again it’s a 90’s actioner, with John Travolta before he became annoying again, Nic Cage before he became annoying, and directed by John Woo.

Having started strong with Hard Target, then kind of been studio swamped with Broken Arrow, John Woo is back in commanding form with this slice of abject nonsense. Which…..works really well!

Of our two leads, Nic Cage is my favourite and for my money the better actor. He has an intensity when he’s the baddie. And when he’s the goodie, it’s a different but no less enjoyable intensity.

Travolta sadly kind of phones it in somewhat. I mean, he’s not awful, but his performances just don’t match Cage’s.

In an ideal world of Daft Action Flicks, our leads would’ve been Schwarzenegger and Stallone. But we live in the completely crappy real world so we didn’t get that.

What we did get is a very silly but highly enjoyable flick,

Also, the SFX that are in this film are genuinely quite good. When you see John Travolta’s face floating in the jar? It really looks the part. Fantastical as the surgery is, it’s at least aware there’s more to it than just gluing one fruit loop’s face on to another fruit loop’s head.

Definitely give this one a watch. If nothing else, it’s a good laugh!

Just don’t think about how Castor Troy was able to hold the surgeon hostage through his entire face transplant procedure, and how the surgeon was able to perform a cutting edge procedure with no prep and no assistance.


It’s fun how John Travolta’s Nicholas Cage impression slowly morphs into his Battlefield Earth persona over the course of the movie.

Ah, Troy had goons present!

I remember really enjoying Faceoff. The second time I just listened to it while painting and the character flip was solid. Loads of fun.