Alie: If people start comparing you to Stephanie Meyer, you need to stop. Seriously.
And writing at a prepubescent age means absolutely Jack, mate. Without any sort of guidance or support from more experienced people, it really isn't worth anything. At all.
Though harsh, I do have to agree with Reaper on some points. I suggest that you keep all our knowledge of your other exploits to a minimum and focus on this. The lynx started terrible and have improved somewhat. However, they still require work. A lot of it. You, my friend, have us here to help. Be that through criticism or cooperation. You just need to open your eyes and heed us. I remember when I wanted to start a custom faction, lost primarch, psy powers. The lot. I got shot down and back then, still being a stupid kid, I raged and ranted and ignored all criticism. I went so far as to tell people not to comment unless what they had to say was posative. I'm the same age as you, but I've made similar mistakes as you when younger. I learned a lot from them. On this forum, people are opinionated and usually half-way intelligent. Like Reaper, I've actually RP'd with him a few times, both her and on another site, I belive. He's a decent writer, makes decent characters. You need to listen to people like him and me and liquid and all the rest. Demetri seems knowledgable and helpful, listen to him. I'm willing to stick by you, listen to me. Joshi has been here and stuck by for a long time, listen to him. Listening is what you need to do. No matter what you want. My last four years of life have been about literature and still I have no idea on how to do somthing as monumental as compile a codex or come up with a large ammount of info on a race. Not without help. Such help comes in the form of criticism. Thats why this section of Dakka is useful. If you don't want to take criticism, don't post it.
We're here to help, but you need to listen to every voice, not just those that you like.
The glass ninja wrote: Though harsh, I do have to agree with Reaper on some points. I suggest that you keep all our knowledge of your other exploits to a minimum and focus on this. The lynx started terrible and have improved somewhat. However, they still require work. A lot of it. You, my friend, have us here to help. Be that through criticism or cooperation. You just need to open your eyes and heed us. I remember when I wanted to start a custom faction, lost primarch, psy powers. The lot. I got shot down and back then, still being a stupid kid, I raged and ranted and ignored all criticism. I went so far as to tell people not to comment unless what they had to say was posative. I'm the same age as you, but I've made similar mistakes as you when younger. I learned a lot from them. On this forum, people are opinionated and usually half-way intelligent. Like Reaper, I've actually RP'd with him a few times, both her and on another site, I belive. He's a decent writer, makes decent characters. You need to listen to people like him and me and liquid and all the rest. Demetri seems knowledgable and helpful, listen to him. I'm willing to stick by you, listen to me. Joshi has been here and stuck by for a long time, listen to him. Listening is what you need to do. No matter what you want. My last four years of life have been about literature and still I have no idea on how to do somthing as monumental as compile a codex or come up with a large ammount of info on a race. Not without help. Such help comes in the form of criticism. Thats why this section of Dakka is useful. If you don't want to take criticism, don't post it.
We're here to help, but you need to listen to every voice, not just those that you like.
I will at least allow you to see the introduction. It's not half-bad for an amateur. I mean it.
I appreciate the fact you're here to help, but all I see Reaper doing at the moment is whining, and not even bothering to ask questions on how, when, where and why. That is how I'll improve. By being asked questions. Demetri and Joshi have been a big help, and I have to give some credit to LL. Check the 4th page, he had a nice little go at an interpretation of these guys.
And thank you for the support.
This has actually given me an idea. Should I do it on a site where I can just regularly update the link? That way I don't have to upload, save as pdf etc.
Oh, Reaper, btw, you want Mary Sue? Check out the book: The World Of Robert Jordan's The Wheel Of Time. That has a very nice Mary Sue society in it, but the rest of the book is goddamn incredible. Think fantasy writing, and then some. It really is a good read, I'd recommend it.
IF YOU ARE UNDER 13, PLEASE CLOSE THIS WINDOW OR GO BACK A PAGE. CONTAINS: STRONG VIOLENCE AND STRONG LANGUAGE. THANK YOU.
And now, on with the story...
Prologue
The scene was grim.
The sky was blood red, a eerie reminder of what had taken place just a few hours ago. The air was choked with ash and dust, and the earth was drenched in blood. Corpses, both of Chaos and of Lynx, littered the ground, some piled high into makeshift barricades against a hailstorm of bolter rounds. Some trees were still left standing, but were blackened and stunted; burnt or blown to pieces by fire from both sides. 3 billion Lynx, slaughtered in just 48 hours.
Alyan trod on, his padded feet making hardly a sound as he trudged through an ankle-deep concoction of crimson blood and churned up earth, and the occasional severed body part. His snow white fur was stained a dirty red from falling face down into the sludge he was now treading through. A ceremonial blade, made of an admantium-silver alloy hung at his waist, along with a beautifully decorated and extensively modified Lance Pistol. Warrior Princes were usually equipped so. Not that they needed them, anyway. The ebony claws hidden in the soft pads of their hands were easily sharp enough to claw through Power Armour, but Alyan had always felt safer with a gun, even if it was a pistol. For that reason, he had his crafted by a specialist artisan and modified to fire monomolecular tipped Silvite Shard at a velocity approaching Mach 5. He hadn't met a single creature who wouldn't die from a single, quick headshot by that gun.
His highly-tuned ears picked up the scraping of metal on rock. He whipped around, pistol drawn, to see a bolter pointed straight at his head, in the hand of a Chaos Marine.The markings suggested his legion of origin to be The Black Legion. Obviously Chaos had had another attempt at corrupting one of the Lynx's Silvite Towers; only this time, they had succeeded. The Chaos Marine had time to fire but two shots before one from Alyan's Lance Pistol pierced his helmet and ejected approximately 65% of his brain tissue out the back of his skull. The Larraman's organ was capable of inhumn feats of healing, but repairing a large amount of lost brain tissue was not one of them. The Marine died instantly. The bolter rounds, however, exploded harmlessly against Alyan's psychic shield. The Lynx were a lucky race; to have been blessed by the Goddess with the power to manipulate the Warp to their whim. Shielding was but one of the many applications of such power Alyan knew of.
Continuing his search for survivors, Alyan hastened his pace. There must be a at least one survivor amongst the masses of bodies scattered across the ground! Alyan secretly hoped his brother had survived the onslaught, but the chances of this being true were low. Very low. The Pawns of Chaos had obviously learnt from past encounters; even the precious Silvite Matrices that each and every Lynx wore on their forearms had been looted. To have such pure, sacred artefacts stolen by these foul scum was blasphemy. Not just against the Goddess, but against the Lynx's very morality. Alyan spat on the helmet of a nearby Black Legion Marine. He hated every last one of them. Every last one of the bastards were a stain on the beautifully woven silk that was the Milky Way.
Suddenly, a silvery-grey glint on the forearms of a Lynx with white fur and the markings of a Terran tiger caught Alyan's eye. He sprinted towards the source, hoping whoever it was was still alive. He cleared the 200 metre gap in less than 8 seconds. His heart dropped as he neared the Lynx. No, he was certainly dead. Suddenly, Alyan recognised the markings. They were of his brothers. He tried to push the thought out of hi head. But the eyes persudaded him otherwise. They were blue. Sadron had blue eyes. Deep blue. The corpse at Alyan's feet was, indeed, his brother's.
Alyan was stunned. Sadron was the only Lynx he trusted. You couldn't trust anyone these days. His mother had died when he was only 8 years old, and his dad had left long before that. Alyan had turned to his brother for everything. Whenever Alyan had needed help, he had sought Sadron out. Whenever he needed to confide in someone, Sadron had always been there. At Alyan's Crowning ceremony, Sadron had been the one to announce his elevation to Warrior Prince. Sadron himself had been a Bladelord, one of astounding quality and wisdom. And now he was dead. Just like that. Judging from the masses of bodies piled around him, Alyan knew Sadron had taken a last stand against these sons of bitches, and damn near won. But that didn't help to soften the depression and anguish that was rapidly building up inside. The only Lynx he had ever trusted, ever truly loved, killed by the greed of Chaos. It wasn't fair! He had done so much for so many people, and they had gone and killed him! IT WASN'T FAIR! Alyan burst into tears over his dead brother. He cried and sobbed for what must have been 20 minutes, before a soft voice spoke in his head.
"Alyan? Don't be sad. I didn't die in vain. I fought to the very end. Now look up for me,"
Alyan looked up, and there, floating in mid air, was an apparition.
It was Sadron.
I'm guessing you guys already understand their basic anatomy, correct?
There are going to be some ferals making their appearance in the book, but they're not going to be very major.
Even whining helps. Listen to it, see the flaws in your race from it.
Use it.
Everything can be used, even me screaming at the top of my lungs that your race is perfect. That'll just tell you that I'm an idiot. We both know that your race isn't perfect, thats why you need to listen.
And please, do not post the intro. Please please please. If you feel the need, PM it to people, show them, but this thread is for the LYNX not for your NOVEL.
Lonelictor is respected here for a good reason Alie; he writes very well, and has the rep to prove it. The first thing I learned about this site is that the occupants don't water down their advice. It's blunt and to the point, which can be harsh on a newbie. The plus side is that you develop a thick skin, and learn to take criticism. Reaper is being helpful in his way, but you see it as "whining". What we all want is for you to write something that is worthy of publication, and worth sending to GW. What you have now isn't, and splitting your efforts into a novel too won't help.
Trust us on this. Leave the novel, focus on the 'dex.
And cheers glass
glass is right, take it down. It's just a distraction.
And ghosts are a massive cliche, as well as a massive plot device to drop this early in. Not grimdark enough either.
blood reaper wrote: With that post, you have proved your incredible ignorance once again.
Excuse me, but when have you tried to help these guys get better?
I recall hardly anything that has been any use. That may just be me not seeing what you're saying, or just you haven't managed to get the point across entirely.
I'm very narrowly keeping this from being locked here. Very narrowly.
Not a problem bro. We all just need to help when we can, and in our cases, thats called being plain cool.
Now, I reccommend, Ailie, that you write up a complete summarry for what has developed so far, so that we can pick through it and consider what's good and whats not.
liquidjoshi wrote: Lonelictor is respected here for a good reason Alie; he writes very well, and has the rep to prove it. The first thing I learned about this site is that the occupants don't water down their advice. It's blunt and to the point, which can be harsh on a newbie. The plus side is that you develop a thick skin, and learn to take criticism. Reaper is being helpful in his way, but you see it as "whining". What we all want is for you to write something that is worthy of publication, and worth sending to GW. What you have now isn't, and splitting your efforts into a novel too won't help.
Trust us on this. Leave the novel, focus on the 'dex.
And cheers glass
glass is right, take it down. It's just a distraction. And ghosts are a massive cliche, as well as a massive plot device to drop this early in. Not grimdark enough either.
I just don't see the advice he's giving me. I don't know what exactly it is he wants me to change: it's too general! I need a particular target! Oh, and I had it planned to the point actually where it wasn't Sadron at all. It was a Tzeentchian daemon impersonating him. And lying to him.
Summary?
Ok...
Should I just say everything I've got in my head right now that is really what I have set solid, even though it might not be evaluated by you guys?
Mynameisalie wrote: Summary?
Ok...
Should I just say everything I've got in my head right now that is really what I have set solid, even though it might not be evaluated by you guys?
It will be, fully evaluated in every possible way.
Everything. I mean everything that's been developed, everything in your head, your ideas. Then we'll pick it to bits and tell you whats good and whats not.
Azariah Kyras wrote: Apparently when one has written over 300,000 words, they are no longer allowed to give advice.
I don't put much stock in word count, and I think it is a mistake to use that as a justification. Its the same as developing a sense of seniority and supposed privileges because you have a high post count on a forum. Experience, anecdotes and second opinions are more important I think. We have editors for a reason. (well you do at least. I still have to proofread my own work)
EDIT.
That intro, Alie. Two words: PURPLE PROSE
Next to grammar, this is probably THE most common mistake starting writers make. Overuse and abuse of flowery dialogue that takes up space and wastes time. Take a look at this section:
Alyan trod on, his padded feet making hardly a sound as he trudged through an ankle-deep concoction of crimson blood and churned up earth, and the occasional severed body part. His snow white fur was stained a dirty red from falling face down into the sludge he was now treading through. A ceremonial blade, made of an admantium-silver alloy hung at his waist, along with a beautifully decorated and extensively modified Lance Pistol. Warrior Princes were usually equipped so. Not that they needed them, anyway. The ebony claws hidden in the soft pads of their hands were easily sharp enough to claw through Power Armour, but Alyan had always felt safer with a gun, even if it was a pistol. For that reason, he had his crafted by a specialist artisan and modified to fire monomolecular tipped Silvite Shard at a velocity approaching Mach 5. He hadn't met a single creature who wouldn't die from a single, quick headshot by that gun.
Look at it. Two thirds of this paragraph could be removed and it would make no difference. The descriptors drag the story to a halt in order to describe Alyan. I could explain the same scene in four sentences. See:
Alyan's feet made no sound as he waded through the ankle deep mud. His white fur was stained with blood, contrasting with his gleaming weapons. The Warrior Princes had little need for weapons, but Alyan felt safer with a gun. He hadn't met a single creature that had survived its shot.
Bip, bap, bam. There you go, editing 101. I could go even further, breaking down the paragraph to the bare minimum. That is usually the best way to go. Adjectives and adverbs have a much stronger punch when they are used sparingly. When set against mundane language like walk, talk, red, or blue, the occasional swagger, shout, crimson or aquamarine stands out that much more. It gives it more impact, draws attention to it. But when you are putting those in every single sentence, it just bogs things down, and makes for sloppy sentence structure.
I probably shouldn't have said that, you're right. But I was touching on the fact that experience is important. You aren't an expert in the beginning. You need to work a lot before you start to get good. There's a quote I heard once from an art school teacher. "You've got a million bad drawings in you, start getting them out now."
More importantly, when you've written a lot, good or bad, you can recognize common problems in all work. While a person that writes a lot may not be a great writer, they can be a very good editor.
Azariah Kyras wrote: Apparently when one has written over 300,000 words, they are no longer allowed to give advice.
I don't put much stock in word count, and I think it is a mistake to use that as a justification. Its the same as developing a sense of seniority and supposed privileges because you have a high post count on a forum. Experience, anecdotes and second opinions are more important I think. We have editors for a reason. (well you do at least. I still have to proofread my own work)
EDIT.
That intro, Alie. Two words: PURPLE PROSE
Next to grammar, this is probably THE most common mistake starting writers make. Overuse and abuse of flowery dialogue that takes up space and wastes time. Take a look at this section:
Alyan trod on, his padded feet making hardly a sound as he trudged through an ankle-deep concoction of crimson blood and churned up earth, and the occasional severed body part. His snow white fur was stained a dirty red from falling face down into the sludge he was now treading through. A ceremonial blade, made of an admantium-silver alloy hung at his waist, along with a beautifully decorated and extensively modified Lance Pistol. Warrior Princes were usually equipped so. Not that they needed them, anyway. The ebony claws hidden in the soft pads of their hands were easily sharp enough to claw through Power Armour, but Alyan had always felt safer with a gun, even if it was a pistol. For that reason, he had his crafted by a specialist artisan and modified to fire monomolecular tipped Silvite Shard at a velocity approaching Mach 5. He hadn't met a single creature who wouldn't die from a single, quick headshot by that gun.
Look at it. Two thirds of this paragraph could be removed and it would make no difference. The descriptors drag the story to a halt in order to describe Alyan. I could explain the same scene in four sentences. See:
Alyan's feet made no sound as he waded through the ankle deep mud. His white fur was stained with blood, contrasting with his gleaming weapons. The Warrior Princes had little need for weapons, but Alyan felt safer with a gun. He hadn't met a single creature that had survived its shot.
Bip, bap, bam. There you go, editing 101. I could go even further, breaking down the paragraph to the bare minimum. That is usually the best way to go. Adjectives and adverbs have a much stronger punch when they are used sparingly. When set against mundane language like walk, talk, red, or blue, the occasional swagger, shout, crimson or aquamarine stands out that much more. It gives it more impact, draws attention to it. But when you are putting those in every single sentence, it just bogs things down, and makes for sloppy sentence structure.
It's just how I write. I tend to go into characters in great detail to describe their look and personality, and these path in which I do it shows how major the character is. Besides, I tend to be very over-descriptive on important details. The fact I am doing descriptive writing in GCSE doesn't help either.
But that's wrong, and that's why Stephanie Meyer is bad. Purple prose is telling and not showing. Its distracting and unnecessary. Describing how they look honestly doesn't matter unless there is a point to it.
But, I know what I could do. I could spread his character description out over several chapters, so you learn more and more about him and his past as the story progresses.
A prototype of chapter two involved him about 8 months later drinking himself into yet another stupor before his good friend, Ver'yassen gets him to reveal what happened prior to his career spiral. That's probably going to be scrapped, in favour of a more alternating sequence where it flicks between now and him conversing with the daemon.
Brevity is wit. I can't break it down any further without breaking sentence structure.
What it means is that less is more. The more you tell with less words greatly enhances what you can tell. It allows for the reader to impose their own imagination on an event.
Bob shot Anne in the head. That is all I need to write. It tells you exactly what happened, no ifs ands or buts. Nothing else needs be said. The reader will visualize it themselves. You don't need to tell them about anything else, their mind does the rest.
Bob shot Anne in the head. That is all I need to write. It tells you exactly what happened, no ifs ands or buts. Nothing else needs be said. The reader will visualize it themselves. You don't need to tell them about anything else, their mind does the rest.
That said, for very important things (the death of a main character, something incredibly shocking) it can be important to go into more depth. However, it is much better to start small and embellish from there. I guess I'm lucky that I'm bad at descriptions. I've never had to worry about purple prose.
I may be slightly more intelligent than the average 14 year old, but this vocabulary is making my head hurt.
I wish I still had copies of my 14 year old writing. That was a dark age indeed.
I'm tired, and I don't think logically when I'm tired. I once woke up at 3 in the morning, went downstairs and for some reason started to make beans on toast.
Bob shot Anne in the head. That is all I need to write. It tells you exactly what happened, no ifs ands or buts. Nothing else needs be said. The reader will visualize it themselves. You don't need to tell them about anything else, their mind does the rest.
That said, for very important things (the death of a main character, something incredibly shocking) it can be important to go into more depth. However, it is much better to start small and embellish from there. I guess I'm lucky that I'm bad at descriptions. I've never had to worry about purple prose.
Which goes back to me telling him to use embellishment sparingly. It can enhance as long as it is used in moderation.
Yeah, and I'm one of the Navy SEALS that killed Osama Bin Ladin. I have the highest marksmanship score in all of the NATO armed forces and just barely lost out to the husky Ruskies.
Dude, look at it like this: even Shakespeare is trying to help you.
I'm not quite sure how to explain the fact I got an IQ only 4 below Einstein's, in that case. But enough of me. Let's get back on the codex instead.
That's nice, but you must learn to use the intelligence in a way that is useful, not squander it. It doesn't require that much intellect to write a great story, just time;
"Put enough monkeys in a room with a typewriter they'll produce Shakespeare."
Azariah Kyras wrote: Yeah, and I'm one of the Navy SEALS that killed Osama Bin Ladin. I have the highest marksmanship score in all of the NATO armed forces and just barely lost out to the husky Ruskies.
Azariah Kyras wrote: Yeah, and I'm one of the Navy SEALS that killed Osama Bin Ladin. I have the highest marksmanship score in all of the NATO armed forces and just barely lost out to the husky Ruskies.
Dammit, that was sarcasm wasn't it?
*Slow clap button press
(Clap) (Clap) (Clap)
Good, that still works, anyways. You never got the original point, that anyone can be anyone they claim to be on the internet. Your claims of IQ are nothing to the internet, it means nothing to anyone here, nor will it ever.
Azariah Kyras wrote: Yeah, and I'm one of the Navy SEALS that killed Osama Bin Ladin. I have the highest marksmanship score in all of the NATO armed forces and just barely lost out to the husky Ruskies.
Dammit, that was sarcasm wasn't it?
*Slow clap button press
(Clap) (Clap) (Clap)
Good, that still works, anyways. You never got the original point, that anyone can be anyone they claim to be on the internet. Your claims of IQ are nothing to the internet, it means nothing to anyone here, nor will it ever.
And I just have to ask.
Why do you not seem to like me? In even the remotest sense? I'm feeling increasing levels of hostility coming from you for no apparent reason.
Nothing you tell us about yourself can be proved or judged. What you write, however, DOES tell us about you.
What I see here:
- You are overconfident in your own skills
- You cannot detect sarcasm
- You do not take criticism well, declaring people who take issue with your attitude as "whiners"
- You dodge questions with responses like "it's just the way I write"
- Your writing is not gold, it is that of a fourteen year old with some serious delusions
- You seem to want us to validate you by saying that your writing, your concepts and your codex are all genius and should be incorporated into Warhammer 40K so that all the world can see
My prescription? Grow up and stop thinking that you are just going to get stuff handed to you, and learn some humility. The people in this thread are trying to help you, but they can only go so far before you have to help yourself.
Mynameisalie wrote: Remember that discussion we had about Aspergers?
I really do have it. Don't make fun of that fact, please.
How does that have anything to do with this situation? I never mocked it.
I have Aspergers Syndrome, like I told you in those ridiculous PM's you sent to me.
The sarcasm thing. You kind of indirectly mocked me for not being able to detect sarcasm.
I wasn't mocking it, I thought you were trying to be smart or joking around. Nor is everyone with Aspergus able to not detect sarcasm, but don't bring it up as a defense, it doesn't work.
You tell us to get back on topic, after you derailed your own thread, now you are telling us we CAN'T get back on topic, because you don't have anything to show that would justify BEING on topic.
Arcsquad12 wrote: You tell us to get back on topic, after you derailed your own thread, now you are telling us we CAN'T get back on topic, because you don't have anything to show that would justify BEING on topic.
I think I'm losing the will to post on this topic in the attempt to assist a random stranger to continue a project I'm not sure will be a success.
Arcsquad12 wrote: You tell us to get back on topic, after you derailed your own thread, now you are telling us we CAN'T get back on topic, because you don't have anything to show that would justify BEING on topic.
Not the point. The point is that if we don't move off this, regardless of who started it, the thread will be locked. AGAIN.
Really? I thought I was doing pretty well with my critique of a single paragraph. I sure as hell don't want to read through 10+ page word docs and go through all that.
Arcsquad12 wrote: You tell us to get back on topic, after you derailed your own thread, now you are telling us we CAN'T get back on topic, because you don't have anything to show that would justify BEING on topic.
Not the point. The point is that if we don't move off this, regardless of who started it, the thread will be locked. AGAIN.
Then stop posting this, AGAIN as in your own words.
Now, please give us a basic idea of what we've come to after all that criticism.
A little more topic of the 'on' varity lads? Aye? Good. When it gets to morning for Ailie, we can continue this. We focus on the codex, not the novel, agreed?
liquidjoshi wrote: Lonelictor is respected here for a good reason Alie; he writes very well, and has the rep to prove it. The first thing I learned about this site is that the occupants don't water down their advice. It's blunt and to the point, which can be harsh on a newbie. The plus side is that you develop a thick skin, and learn to take criticism. Reaper is being helpful in his way, but you see it as "whining". What we all want is for you to write something that is worthy of publication, and worth sending to GW. What you have now isn't, and splitting your efforts into a novel too won't help.
Trust us on this. Leave the novel, focus on the 'dex.
And cheers glass
glass is right, take it down. It's just a distraction.
And ghosts are a massive cliche, as well as a massive plot device to drop this early in. Not grimdark enough either.
I just don't see the advice he's giving me. I don't know what exactly it is he wants me to change: it's too general! I need a particular target!
Oh, and I had it planned to the point actually where it wasn't Sadron at all. It was a Tzeentchian daemon impersonating him. And lying to him.
Alright, here's what I have to say.
1. The Lynx society should not be utopian. It should not even be close. Look at the Tau; they're the closest thing to good guys in 40k, yet its a caste based society where an elite few lord over all others, going as far as to mind-control them. Look at the Eldar that your Lynx kinda mimic; they suppress emotion and freedom utterly, as taking too much enjoyment from life could be the death of them. So, make Lynx society dirtier. If it's communist, focus on how its an insane dystopian society where hardwork is punished and laziness rewarded. If it's capitalist, focus on how the average Lynx is left to starve in the streets while an elite and highly corrupt few control every aspect of society. If it's a democracy, make the average Lynx an idiot who supports dangerous policies he doesn't understand. If its a dictatorship, make the Lynxs' leader(s) corrupt and uncaring. Maybe gangs rule the streets. Maybe the government has set up a totalitarian surveillance system.
2. There are three main Xenos races; the Orks, Tyranids and Necrons. These are the only races who rival the strength of the Imperium of Man as well as the strength of the Traitor Legions. Tau, Eldar, Hrud, Squats, Zoats and all the other funky Xenos in 40k are minor races. They don't control more than a few planets. Though they most certainly have an affect on the galaxy around them, they aren't the center of attention. So the Lynx should be the same. They aren't a powerful Empire.
Despite not being powerful, they can still be compelling. The Eldar have a sizable fanbase, even though they're a dying race who fight for survival more than anything else. So, your Lynx don't need to be a threat to the Imperium of Man to be compelling. All they need to be is unique and indepth.
4. Lynx can't be stronger, smarter and faster than the average human, with better senses too. The Eldar are fragile, the Tau are clumsy, Orks are dumb, Tyranids are mindless without synapse and Necrons are really slow. Having paws rather than fingers isn't enough of a weakness. Maybe the Lynx should be more fragile than humans. Think Cheetahs; despite being one of the Savannah's top predators, they are incapable of taking a punch. If you hit a Cheetah, it's gonna stay down.
I'll be able to offer more helpful criticism after you make the bigass post about every Lynx thing you've written so far.
Mynameisalie wrote: Novels are different. You get the criticism after you write it.
If you only get criticism after you write it it won't be much good...
Having someone to just read through what you've written and then tell you what they find odd about it is important at all stages...
Arcsquad12 wrote: You tell us to get back on topic, after you derailed your own thread
I've read and re-read the last two pages, and Alie was never the cause for derailment. What was the main cause was the conversation that grew from your 'brevity' quote, a conversation that Alie did not start. True, he did ask what it meant, but that question wasn't the precursor to the off-topic chatter that followed, that was Kyras' post about not being able to take the phrase you used seriously. Kyras' post was then quoted and replied to, which prompted Alie to mention the vocabulary and make the off-hand comment about his intellectual level. The 'brevity' quote was then replied to with a further quote, which itself was replied to about something something now totally unrelated. None of those replies was Alie's.
After that, Alie's intelligence level was replied to, which prompted Alie to make another comment about his IQ-a comment that could very easily have been ignored, much like the intelligence comment, had anyone been as focussed on getting back on topic as they claim to be when it suits them-followed by a push to get back on topic. Unfortunately, the IQ level was responded to, a response which started a cascade of replies, the topics of which included the ability to verify claims made online, sarcasm, and Aspergers. After Alie restates that he cannot start typing everything up-he had previously mentioned that he was soon going to bed-the gak hits the fan and everyone starts wanting to know why he derailed the thread.
Alie may not have helped the fact that off-topic comments were made, but he did not start the conversations they were made in. Those conversations were started either by other people giving increasingly off-topic replies, or by the inability for others to ignore comments. Alie's intelligence level and IQ could both have easily been ignored, but they were not, and that's now Alie's fault? Sure, it wasn't on-topic to make them, but nobody helped by replying to them, and they weren't exactly necessary to reply to in order to advance the thread.
Whilst I can see that this is taking a while, everybody, not just Alie, needs to calm down before they start making comments they might later regret. Everybody on this thread is responsible for monitoring the topic and making sure it doesn't get to the point where people are requesting that they return to it. There were enough places in the past two pages that allowed the off-topic comments to be headed off, and everybody needs to start taking some responsbility if they really want to help here.
LoneLictor has provided a very good place where the topic can restart, provided that whatever has happened over these last few pages is left alone. It should be obvious to everyone that what has evolved is only detrimental, so I sincerely hope that people will try their best to be understanding, calm, and patient, as well as mindful of what they say. If it's off-topic, nobody needs to hear it. If somebody else posts something off-topic, ignore it.
I don't have anything to add to the ideas here for now, but neither do I like seeing a Dakka Fiction thread, especially one with potential, go to waste because of perfectly preventable problems. If it escalates, mods can be called, and as much as I'd hate to see it happen, the thread could well be locked and people could well be suspended or banned. What happens then? A thread full of ideas, where lots of people are chipping in, has been lost, and those people have come out of it with grudges and chips on their shoulders. That is not what Dakka Fiction is about, and neither is it what Dakka as a whole is about.
If you feel you cannot add anything more, then just go, and don't make a big song and dance about it. If you want to stay, then be as civil as you possibly can. Threats to leave if people don't do X will not help, and those comments are best left unsaid. If you're fed up, then go, because you will only be hindering any progress being made by staying. If you feel better then by all means, come back, but don't start throwing your toys out of the pram because you're fed up.
Whether you are staying, or whether you are going, this thread has had enough pointless conflict. I'm not a moderator, so you can really do whatever you want after reading this, but I am another user of this forum, and I want to see its standards upheld and to remain able to come back to relax and talk with other people who share my interests, not to mention gain knowledge I could not otherwise obtain. I already know how to piss in people's chips and I'd wager that most other people do too, so currently this thread isn't helping anyone. What might help, however, is civil co-operation and self-moderation, and I know a lot of people who could do with learning about all that so why not show them how it's done.
Thank you very much for your well thought out comment, Avatar. I share your opinion that to see this thread locked or de-railed would be a monumental waste of potential. We here are doing our best to help, even with the negative comments.
liquidjoshi wrote: Lonelictor is respected here for a good reason Alie; he writes very well, and has the rep to prove it. The first thing I learned about this site is that the occupants don't water down their advice. It's blunt and to the point, which can be harsh on a newbie. The plus side is that you develop a thick skin, and learn to take criticism. Reaper is being helpful in his way, but you see it as "whining". What we all want is for you to write something that is worthy of publication, and worth sending to GW. What you have now isn't, and splitting your efforts into a novel too won't help.
Trust us on this. Leave the novel, focus on the 'dex.
And cheers glass
glass is right, take it down. It's just a distraction.
And ghosts are a massive cliche, as well as a massive plot device to drop this early in. Not grimdark enough either.
I just don't see the advice he's giving me. I don't know what exactly it is he wants me to change: it's too general! I need a particular target!
Oh, and I had it planned to the point actually where it wasn't Sadron at all. It was a Tzeentchian daemon impersonating him. And lying to him.
Alright, here's what I have to say.
1. The Lynx society should not be utopian. It should not even be close. Look at the Tau; they're the closest thing to good guys in 40k, yet its a caste based society where an elite few lord over all others, going as far as to mind-control them. Look at the Eldar that your Lynx kinda mimic; they suppress emotion and freedom utterly, as taking too much enjoyment from life could be the death of them. So, make Lynx society dirtier. If it's communist, focus on how its an insane dystopian society where hardwork is punished and laziness rewarded. If it's capitalist, focus on how the average Lynx is left to starve in the streets while an elite and highly corrupt few control every aspect of society. If it's a democracy, make the average Lynx an idiot who supports dangerous policies he doesn't understand. If its a dictatorship, make the Lynxs' leader(s) corrupt and uncaring. Maybe gangs rule the streets. Maybe the government has set up a totalitarian surveillance system.
2. There are three main Xenos races; the Orks, Tyranids and Necrons. These are the only races who rival the strength of the Imperium of Man as well as the strength of the Traitor Legions. Tau, Eldar, Hrud, Squats, Zoats and all the other funky Xenos in 40k are minor races. They don't control more than a few planets. Though they most certainly have an affect on the galaxy around them, they aren't the center of attention. So the Lynx should be the same. They aren't a powerful Empire.
Despite not being powerful, they can still be compelling. The Eldar have a sizable fanbase, even though they're a dying race who fight for survival more than anything else. So, your Lynx don't need to be a threat to the Imperium of Man to be compelling. All they need to be is unique and indepth.
4. Lynx can't be stronger, smarter and faster than the average human, with better senses too. The Eldar are fragile, the Tau are clumsy, Orks are dumb, Tyranids are mindless without synapse and Necrons are really slow. Having paws rather than fingers isn't enough of a weakness. Maybe the Lynx should be more fragile than humans. Think Cheetahs; despite being one of the Savannah's top predators, they are incapable of taking a punch. If you hit a Cheetah, it's gonna stay down.
I'll be able to offer more helpful criticism after you make the bigass post about every Lynx thing you've written so far.
I just want to make a point about the Lynx's general anatomy. You say that Eldar are genuinely frail, but they still have T3 in game. It's the same for the Lynx. They are only very slightly better than an average human because of the hostile environments they had to adapt to. They have still retained some of their Apex Predator aspects that were present all those millennia ago, but they have had little need for them in the past 10,000 years. The Ferals have still retained these traits, having even higher sensory capacity and strength, but lack the psychic ability that Civil Lynx have. Earlier, I think I gave statlines for the two most basic troops units you can buy.
And I also have another question. Do you also want their generic Special Rules? There are quite a few of them, but they are important. War gear as well?
Just a list:
Nearly all I have in my head on their society, undecided, decided, or just plain odd.
Special Rules
Psychic Tree
Army list
Yes, that's going to take a while.
liquidjoshi wrote: Lonelictor is respected here for a good reason Alie; he writes very well, and has the rep to prove it. The first thing I learned about this site is that the occupants don't water down their advice. It's blunt and to the point, which can be harsh on a newbie. The plus side is that you develop a thick skin, and learn to take criticism. Reaper is being helpful in his way, but you see it as "whining". What we all want is for you to write something that is worthy of publication, and worth sending to GW. What you have now isn't, and splitting your efforts into a novel too won't help.
Trust us on this. Leave the novel, focus on the 'dex.
And cheers glass
glass is right, take it down. It's just a distraction.
And ghosts are a massive cliche, as well as a massive plot device to drop this early in. Not grimdark enough either.
I just don't see the advice he's giving me. I don't know what exactly it is he wants me to change: it's too general! I need a particular target!
Oh, and I had it planned to the point actually where it wasn't Sadron at all. It was a Tzeentchian daemon impersonating him. And lying to him.
Alright, here's what I have to say.
1. The Lynx society should not be utopian. It should not even be close. Look at the Tau; they're the closest thing to good guys in 40k, yet its a caste based society where an elite few lord over all others, going as far as to mind-control them. Look at the Eldar that your Lynx kinda mimic; they suppress emotion and freedom utterly, as taking too much enjoyment from life could be the death of them. So, make Lynx society dirtier. If it's communist, focus on how its an insane dystopian society where hardwork is punished and laziness rewarded. If it's capitalist, focus on how the average Lynx is left to starve in the streets while an elite and highly corrupt few control every aspect of society. If it's a democracy, make the average Lynx an idiot who supports dangerous policies he doesn't understand. If its a dictatorship, make the Lynxs' leader(s) corrupt and uncaring. Maybe gangs rule the streets. Maybe the government has set up a totalitarian surveillance system.
2. There are three main Xenos races; the Orks, Tyranids and Necrons. These are the only races who rival the strength of the Imperium of Man as well as the strength of the Traitor Legions. Tau, Eldar, Hrud, Squats, Zoats and all the other funky Xenos in 40k are minor races. They don't control more than a few planets. Though they most certainly have an affect on the galaxy around them, they aren't the center of attention. So the Lynx should be the same. They aren't a powerful Empire.
Despite not being powerful, they can still be compelling. The Eldar have a sizable fanbase, even though they're a dying race who fight for survival more than anything else. So, your Lynx don't need to be a threat to the Imperium of Man to be compelling. All they need to be is unique and indepth.
4. Lynx can't be stronger, smarter and faster than the average human, with better senses too. The Eldar are fragile, the Tau are clumsy, Orks are dumb, Tyranids are mindless without synapse and Necrons are really slow. Having paws rather than fingers isn't enough of a weakness. Maybe the Lynx should be more fragile than humans. Think Cheetahs; despite being one of the Savannah's top predators, they are incapable of taking a punch. If you hit a Cheetah, it's gonna stay down.
I'll be able to offer more helpful criticism after you make the bigass post about every Lynx thing you've written so far.
I just want to make a point about the Lynx's general anatomy. You say that Eldar are genuinely frail, but they still have T3 in game. It's the same for the Lynx. They are only very slightly better than an average human because of the hostile environments they had to adapt to. They have still retained some of their Apex Predator aspects that were present all those millennia ago, but they have had little need for them in the past 10,000 years. The Ferals have still retained these traits, having even higher sensory capacity and strength, but lack the psychic ability that Civil Lynx have. Earlier, I think I gave statlines for the two most basic troops units you can buy.
And I also have another question. Do you also want their generic Special Rules? There are quite a few of them, but they are important. War gear as well?
So the feral Lynx are strong and fast, while the civil Lynx are psychics. I have the following questions.
1. Do the feral Lynx form some sort of slave underclass for the civil Lynx? After all, they're feral, they're definitely going to face discrimination.
2. Why are the civil Lynx psykers? Why did they evolve to be psykers, while the feral Lynx stayed unpsychic?
3. How much unwanted attention does being psychic attract for the civil Lynx?
4. Could the two (civil and feral) be considered different races? Biologically, they seem very different. Or are they like dog breeds, in that they're still the same species just different subspecies (or whatever the proper biological term is)?
5. Their hostile environment: is it still a threat to the Lynx? And, how is it threatening?
Not the codex, just the mass of info I have to compile. You know, the one everyone wants to pick to pieces?
But, I could just compile the codex instead, if you wanted.
No no. How about this? Have you got everything categorized? Just release one category at a time for criticism, once everyone has had their say, move onto the next category?
That gives us the chance to each offer our critique on specific areas, and it gives you more time to compile the rest of your work and tweak things based off our feedback.
Ok, I'll do the fluff chunk first.
Be warned, it's a long one.
Btw, I'm thinking of making the codex as an article first, which means you guys can tamper and change what you would like on it.
Chunks. Otherwise we can get lots of people making lots of changes, and disputes could be irritating (i.e. someone making a change, someone else changes it back, etc).
This is as much as I have got so far. I can't quite remember everything I have thought about these guys, but I'll try and get them down for you if I recall them.
So, here we go...
Just a note: it may seem completely and utterly unorganised.
First, absolutely pivotal thing about the Lynx, their Goddess. She is literally the centre of what the Lynx do in daily life. Imagine along the lines of female Emperor that doesn't and never had a mortal form (in my defence, best comparison I could make). Their religion is based around her. Their military fight in Her name. Why? The Lynx believe her to be the one that pulls the race to glory (and she's doing a decent job of it!) Smiths will very often inscribe Her name into the blades and hilts of swords in Lynx runes, to bear good luck to the wielder. You could say the Lynx are very superstitious about their Goddess, luck, fate etc. She is INCREDIBLY important. For several reasons. She was the one that gifted the Lynx race with the powers of psykers, and also the one who, every single second, prevents daemons from corrupting her patron race's souls by willingly putting herself in the way of the assault and shielding their minds from daemonic possession. Hence, it is rare a Lynx will involuntarily turn to Chaos.
How she came to be is still an undecided matter on my behalf. I have NO IDEA where she came from, but my best theory at the moment is a consciousness generated from the souls of the whole Lynx populace, even the "blind" ones. "Blind" Lynx are those who still inhabit worlds where advanced technology, like plasma weaponry, advanced computing systems etc haven't even been dreamed of yet. Hence, these Lynx are commonly referred to as ferals, both by the IoM and the Tau. Civil Lynx, ones who are psykers, call them either the "blind" or the "unenlightened", due to them not having the benefit of the realisation that the Goddess has arrived to bring their race to glory.
Both culture and physiology is different in these two types of Lynx, but they both share the same triple-helix DNA pattern. Where this pattern originated, the Lynx do not know. What it contains, though, is another matter. One strand of the Helix contains the base genetic programming of a Lynx; what they look like, their personality etc. Another is the psyker gene. This gene lies totally and utterly dormant in Ferals; hence they are as prone to daemonic possession as a normal human would be. It can only be activated through direct contact with the energy that resides in Silvite. The third strand is very strange, but as far as the Lynx understand it, it is a last resort to daemonic possession or Enslavers. If a daemon or an Enslaver happens to infest a Lynx's mind, this gene will suddenly stimulate the release of nanoscopic enzymes the cut away the psyker gene forcefully from the Helix, isolate it, and alter it. The way in which is altered is considered a horror to any Civil Lynx: they unfortunate soul that undergoes this process will have their psychic powers stripped from them. But even worse, the Lynx keeps their life, at the cost of their very soul. They are stripped of most emotion, becoming very similar to human psychic blanks in the respect they are unnerving to sentient beings that are in their presence. Naturally, this has an anti-psyker effect on surrounding Lynx, which is why these poor beings are usually put out of their misery, in the form of a smoking Lance Pistol muzzle. The Lynx consider it a curse to live without feeling, without emotion, without a soul. But, in some rare cases, the more powerful "blanks" are kept and used against the ranks of Chaos, when the time comes. Hence, they join the ranks of the Silenced.
Another important facet of all this is a strange metal named Silvite. It is indigenous to this Galaxy, possibly meaning it arrived during a meteor storm flung out millions of years ago from another Galaxy. It does, however, have a very interesting property. It absorbs surrounding energy and transfers it into a form which the IoM term Omnus-Energy, which literally means All-energy. The reason for its name is due to the fact it can be used as a source of power for nearly any machine you can think of. In terms of energy storage, and good chunk of the stuff, say the size of a house could be used as a suitable replacement as a Plasma Reactor of at least three times the size. It also has a psych-stabilization effect, acting as a psychic inhibitor that taps excess power that is often radiated from a Lynx when they are performing a more complex feat of psychic manipulation. This makes it very useful in powering machines and as safeguards against dangerous levels of psychic power. Another interesting property is that this Omnus-energy will decay into matter overtime, often causing Silvite to look as if it was growing like a living plant. The abundance of a sustainable metal means most Lynx weaponry and armour is made out of it.
The reason why planets of Lynx become psychic instead of small, random errors in gene coding is also due to Silvite. Without it, Cleovara would not have been born and the Lynx would still be little more than uncivilised animals living on a handful of worlds. During Her birth, the energy contained within the Silvite gave Cleovara just enough energy to actually emerge as a full consciousness. Cleovara is generally defined as being a benign deity, interested only in the survival of those who are clean (i.e. pretty much every race in the Galaxy that isn't condemned to Chaos, yes that includes Humans too. But of course, we're too xenophobic to give a gak about this and so we ignore it!), and one that really, really does not like daemons. At all. Now Lynx as a race really didn't care about daemons in the first place, but as they are devoted to their Goddess, they adopted her ways and generated a hatred for daemons amongst the Lynx populace. But that’s getting a bit off what this paragraph is on. Now, of course she immediately revealed herself to the populace and her first action was to bless her race (after all, she is their patron Goddess) with the psyker gene. The third strand in the Lynx’s DNA was changed to that of a psyker gene. This happened anywhere there were Lynx inhabiting a planet that had Silvite. However, only on planets that had Silvite in sufficient quantity was this gene activated. This left nearly 65% of the whole Lynx population with an inactivated psyker gene, ergo, Feral Lynx aren’t psykers.
Physically, Feral and Civil Lynx only look slightly different. Feral Lynx will have more of a bestial nature to them, as well as larger muscles that have not been ironed out by evolution: they still need them. So there is not much to say about them other than that. But, anatomy wise, Lynx are interesting.
Most fascinating part is to do with their nervous system. It’s designed not only to carry electrical impulses, but psychic energy as well. This distribution of psychic energy is dealt with by a small membrane than surrounds a Lynx’s nerve like a spider web mesh. It’s actually part of the CNS. It controls and maintains internal levels of psychic energy to a certain degree, and is also responsible for things like memory tears and the odd psychic shields Civil Lynx tend to exhibit. Memory tears are a very interesting phenomenon. They are imbued with a small amount of psychic essence, along with a replica of some of the Lynx’s DNA. They are most often formed when emotion levels are running very high, such as anguish, ecstasy, rage etc. They contain a memory, often 5 to 10 minutes long, in incredibly vivid detail. Missing sections, fuzzy quality, and blurriness are all signs of the memory being tampered with, often indicating daemonic possession. In this way, the Inquisition have learnt a lot by torturing or persuading Lynx they have captured into creating a memory tear which they can analyse. But this is often dangerous. If you are not a Lynx, the memory may have a chance of burning itself to your memory, making it seem as if you were the Lynx themselves. Hence, Inquisitors often get guardsmen or the like to use the tear instead.
The two societies are very different, but here’s a breakdown.
In Feral Society, Lynx are often formed into groups called Prides. These Prides vary in size, some consisting of only a few members, others containing hundreds or even thousands of Ferals. The Druid of a Pride is determined through a series of tests, usually consisting of Strength and Skill, but more often than not, there is cheating and dishonesty involved, from assassination of the other competitors to use of Silvite shards. This Druid has full control over the Pride, but in prides numbering over a hundred usually there will be two or more Druids. If a Lynx is unhappy with the current Druids, then they either have to beat them through ritual combat, trial of skills or some other devious means of achieving the position. If you are born into the current Druid’s family, then you will be the inheritor of the position, depending if you are the firstborn of the Druid.
Druids sometimes carry shards of Silvite on their person, at all times. For some reason unknown to the Lynx, it allows the wielder limited control over their psyker gene, even if it is inactive. This gifts them the power of a psyker, but none of protection that Cleovara provides. Fortunately, they do not burn as brightly as other Lynx, and so are less noticeable.
Almost all male Lynx in a Pride will fight for territory, females are the ones that hunt and rear young. Males that do not fight are often found as professionals, crafting weaponry, looking after the wounded etc. Females have little to no education in any of these arts, due to male dominance.
In Civil Lynx society, things get a lot more complicated.
A Lynx will be born into a specific caste, depending on whom the parents are. If the parents are from two different castes, then usually the child will follow the father’s caste if it is male, the mother’s if it’s female. These castes are as follows:
- Warrior Caste
- Creation Caste
- Devotion Caste
- Star Caste
- Prodigy Caste
- The Silenced
- The Lost
- Royal Caste
Here’s a moderately detailed breakdown of each caste:
The Warrior Caste is as it sounds. Lynx who wish to fight in the military join this caste to fight in Cleovara’s name. This caste is the largest of the 8 castes, the Lynx having a very strong fighting force that is well equipped and rigorously trained. Unlike the Imperial Guard, Lynx are trained to use their initiative in case of the Bladelord or Warrior Prince leading the force is killed. They will follow orders that they receive to the letter though, unless that order will result in a needless death. They have even been deployed to eliminate rebellions, but rumours tell of some ruthless Lynx, their identities unknown, ordering the elimination of an entire continent for no apparent reason…
The Creation Caste deals with the production of weapons, armour, food and pretty much anything else that can be grown, smelted, or built. They do a lot of dealing with the Warrior Caste, as many of the weapons are hand-crafted and stylised for each individual combatant. On some worlds very rich in Silvite, the Creation Caste is the dominant caste, mass-producing everything the Lynx need. But there are a few machinations that have been built by this caste that many outside it should not know…
The Devotion Caste is a bit of an oddity. They deal with the enforcement of religion, similar to the Ecclesiarchy, but do not use brute force to do so. They are naturally cunning and manipulative, and some in the Devotion Caste become advisors for the members of the Royal Caste. This caste tends to holy shrines, relics and the mass amount of ancient knowledge about their race. Few outside this caste ever learn even a fraction of their race’s history, but the Devotion Caste have a good reason to hide their knowledge. There are some things the general populace ought not to know…
The Star Caste’s members are the pilots, commanders and navigators of the Lynx’s starships. Whether these be simple transport vessels to fully-fledged battle cruisers armed with experimental weaponry, you’ll find almost all of the Star Caste contributing to the Lynx’s society from the cold vacuum of space. Lately, weapons technology has taken precedence over luxury cruises, and the number of transport vessels has fallen dramatically. This has led to some uproar throughout Lynx society, and some commanders have had to be forced to (on more than one occasion) eliminate these rebellions through several orbital bombardments…
The caste that invents the new technology and machinery that many Lynx need is known as the Prodigy Caste. Normally, very intelligent and gifted Lynx will be drafted into this Caste if they are found lacking in the Caste they were born into. Though a very young race, the Lynx have already unlocked many of the secrets of the universe, such as quantum mechanics or advanced technology. The most recent (and worrying) discovery this Caste has made is shrouded in mystery, but reports made to the Imperium through a network of spies has revealed some rumours about it being based on the Schwarzschild Radius, or more precisely Black Holes…
The Silenced are a very mysterious Caste, and according to general Lynx society, they do not exist. They never have and never will. The members of this Caste are the “blanks” that have been through the severing process and have retained a strong enough will to survive the depression that follows. They are very rarely ever seen in military applications, and most certainly have never been allowed out in public, save for one member who is very well renowned…
The Lost are sometimes referred to as psychopaths. Ironically, it is an excellent description and better than the name of the Caste they are part of. The Lost are simply those who have been through too much to stay sane, been corrupted by daemons but only just holding on, or Ferals who are so savage it is futile to reason with them. This is the Caste where the outcasts of society still serve a purpose: to die in the name of Cleovara in glorious combat and redeem their souls. They are a sorry assortment of criminals, possessed and clinically insane, many of which never see their families again…
The Royal Caste speaks for itself. Though advanced for a young race, they still prefer the old ways of a dominant line of blood that looks after the populace. The Royal Caste varies from world to world, different families holding the same position. They hold great power over the populace of the planet they rule, and have the rights to trial, punish and condemn those who disobey their rule. Thus, some planets are very strict; even the slightest infraction can mean certain death, whilst others are far less tight-fisted and allow for much flexibility in their subjects. One family, the family of Uras’sola (lit. bright colours) has complete and direct control over every other ruling family. They have the power to instate an new ruling family if the current one is found lacking, but this is a rare occurrence. Even so, stories persist that many of the families that fall out of favour are condemned to the Caste of The Lost…
Ok, lets start with one of the issues that I see here. The Silvite..
This material is supposed to be something that contains enormous amounts of energy and has
...a psych-stabilization effect, acting as a psychic inhibitor that taps excess power that is often radiated from a Lynx when they are performing a more complex feat of psychic manipulation.
But IoM/Edlar/Orks/<type your race here> has not found(!) or manipulated for whatever reason (probably because it does not exist in the 40k universe).
This is a very good example of trying to change established canon/fluff.
Please scrap the above. It breaks the established cannon.
Lets move on to the next (confusing) part.
The deity.
Let me be frank. This way is not working. Why? Lets start with the most basic one:
-benign (this unfortunately does not exist in this universe)
Also it protects from daemons? How? When even the Emperor (an enemy deemed worthy of the attention of the big 4) cannot?
If you must keep the deity you need to find a different way.
Also the whole super-powerfull psykers but cannot be corrupted by the Warp but we have not conquered the galaxy cause we are such nice guys. Also does not work.
The DNA part is quite innovative but again its just another failsafe of daemon procession.
The main point I want you to keep from all of the above is the following:
Where is the grimdark in this? That's my main concern here. I like 40k because it is grimdark. If I wanted knights of shining armor with no flaws I would play a different game.
Finally, a clarification if you may. So the castes are like professions? I.e. Someone is born into the Warrior Caste (essentially be a warrior) but can later change that move into the Creation Caste (essentially be a blacksmith) etc.
Bobakos wrote: Ok, lets start with one of the issues that I see here. The Silvite.. This material is supposed to be something that contains enormous amounts of energy and has
...a psych-stabilization effect, acting as a psychic inhibitor that taps excess power that is often radiated from a Lynx when they are performing a more complex feat of psychic manipulation.
But IoM/Edlar/Orks/<type your race here> has not found(!) or manipulated for whatever reason (probably because it does not exist in the 40k universe).
This is a very good example of trying to change established canon/fluff.
Please scrap the above. It breaks the established cannon.
Erm... What? I'm sorry, what did you mean by this? I don't quite understand.
Lets move on to the next (confusing) part.
The deity.
Let me be frank. This way is not working. Why? Lets start with the most basic one:
-benign (this unfortunately does not exist in this universe)
Also it protects from daemons? How? When even the Emperor (an enemy deemed worthy of the attention of the big 4) cannot?
If you must keep the deity you need to find a different way.
Also the whole super-powerful psykers but cannot be corrupted by the Warp but we have not conquered the galaxy cause we are such nice guys. Also does not work.
They can and will become corrupted by daemons, if they do so voluntarily or turn their back on Cleovara. This actually happens more often than you would think.
The DNA part is quite innovative but again its just another failsafe of daemon procession.
Which doesn't happen quite as often as the Lynx would like...
The main point I want you to keep from all of the above is the following:
Where is the grimdark in this? That's my main concern here. I like 40k because it is grimdark. If I wanted knights of shining armor with no flaws I would play a different game.
Re-read the caste section, and see what you can find. I purposefully gave each one an ellipse, after all... Each caste has a dirty secret to hide. If just one Lynx let slip about this secret, civil war would erupt. The Lynx are walking on a knife-edge as it is, being psykers. Having an unstable society does not help either. They have to be very careful about what they say, what they do etc. It's not all as good as it seems...
Finally, a clarification if you may. So the castes are like professions? I.e. Someone is born into the Warrior Caste (essentially be a warrior) but can later change that move into the Creation Caste (essentially be a blacksmith) etc.
Yes, the castes are professions. But Lynx tend to be very biased; they take likings to things very easily. Hence, not many switch caste, barring the Prodigy Caste.
Mynameisalie wrote: More feedback please.
I worked hard on that compilation.
Firstly, why should we? Old mate made a lot of good points, but you brushed them all off.
But I'll bite anyway.
Change the goddess completely. She isn't helping them. The magic magic material isn't helping. She is basically feeding off of them. The crystal/metal/whatever the hell you have landed on is implanted into all 'enlightened' lynx who know of the goddess, and through that she can influence their decisions and actions (not micromanage, just broadly 'I hate these guys' or 'hurrah, caste system, lets not question why'). The 'blind' lynx are, in fact, free of her control. But don't actually say that. Keep it as if they 'haven't been converted', make it propaganda-y like so much of the good fluff. Don't go from having this silly perfect race to have another silly perfect REBEL race. That's not what you need.
Making that change, so she is some kind of minor deity (you can work out how she came about, maybe she's just an ancient Lynx or something, who found this rock. Maybe its the rock itself which is sentient, like the Lith, which I referenced....12 pages ago?) or even its the rock which protects them, doesn't make them super psykers, just more susceptible to the gene (so they have a lot). You seem to be set on almost all psykers, if I try to change that the world ends.
Take that and make some changes. Alternatively, ignore the help and ask for 'more feedback'. Your call.
Mynameisalie wrote: More feedback please.
I worked hard on that compilation.
Firstly, why should we? Old mate made a lot of good points, but you brushed them all off.
But I'll bite anyway.
Change the goddess completely. She isn't helping them. The magic magic material isn't helping. She is basically feeding off of them. The crystal/metal/whatever the hell you have landed on is implanted into all 'enlightened' lynx who know of the goddess, and through that she can influence their decisions and actions (not micromanage, just broadly 'I hate these guys' or 'hurrah, caste system, lets not question why'). The 'blind' lynx are, in fact, free of her control. But don't actually say that. Keep it as if they 'haven't been converted', make it propaganda-y like so much of the good fluff. Don't go from having this silly perfect race to have another silly perfect REBEL race. That's not what you need.
Making that change, so she is some kind of minor deity (you can work out how she came about, maybe she's just an ancient Lynx or something, who found this rock. Maybe its the rock itself which is sentient, like the Lith, which I referenced....12 pages ago?) or even its the rock which protects them, doesn't make them super psykers, just more susceptible to the gene (so they have a lot). You seem to be set on almost all psykers, if I try to change that the world ends.
Take that and make some changes. Alternatively, ignore the help and ask for 'more feedback'. Your call.
Oh that's good. That's very good. Psychic control using the implants? Do want. Plus, more Grimdark. Everybody likes Grimdark!
Secondly, I did try and shoot off the idea she found the rock, but how did she come about in the first place? That's what I'm really struggling with. I was just wondering if someone could point me in the right direction.
Mynameisalie wrote: More feedback please. I worked hard on that compilation.
Firstly, why should we? Old mate made a lot of good points, but you brushed them all off.
But I'll bite anyway.
Change the goddess completely. She isn't helping them. The magic magic material isn't helping. She is basically feeding off of them. The crystal/metal/whatever the hell you have landed on is implanted into all 'enlightened' lynx who know of the goddess, and through that she can influence their decisions and actions (not micromanage, just broadly 'I hate these guys' or 'hurrah, caste system, lets not question why'). The 'blind' lynx are, in fact, free of her control. But don't actually say that. Keep it as if they 'haven't been converted', make it propaganda-y like so much of the good fluff. Don't go from having this silly perfect race to have another silly perfect REBEL race. That's not what you need.
Making that change, so she is some kind of minor deity (you can work out how she came about, maybe she's just an ancient Lynx or something, who found this rock. Maybe its the rock itself which is sentient, like the Lith, which I referenced....12 pages ago?) or even its the rock which protects them, doesn't make them super psykers, just more susceptible to the gene (so they have a lot). You seem to be set on almost all psykers, if I try to change that the world ends.
Take that and make some changes. Alternatively, ignore the help and ask for 'more feedback'. Your call.
Oh that's good. That's very good. Psychic control using the implants? Do want. Plus, more Grimdark. Everybody likes Grimdark! Secondly, I did try and shoot off the idea she found the rock, but how did she come about in the first place? That's what I'm really struggling with. I was just wondering if someone could point me in the right direction.
The rock is the god. There are sentient rocks. It would make sense for the rock to represent itself as a god that the Lynx could relate to. And its not all a one way relationship, they help the rock by spreading it around, both physically and in terms of influence, it couldn't do that without them
The lith is Daemon infested, your one can just have grown that way through warp exposure, not a Daemon, just a mutant...rock. There are weirder things in the 40k universe. But don't just take my ideas at face value, joshi or someone could have a way to add to them and make them better
Living rocks sounds interesting, could be that the lynx are just deluded and thing the rock is speaking to them, when it's actually warp tainted/ lynx-pheromone sense screwing/ whatever other weird conspiracy theory to make it more grimdark.
The race has enough of the insane. The Lost take up that facet. Every last one of them has been driven mad, or is just completely and utterly unreasonable.
Didn't see the Necron thing there. Damn it. C'tan, right?
Sure. I'll take the rock. On one condition. It's small, but important.
Please please please may I keep the Silvite for Christ's sake? It's not much to ask.
Because I took several months coming up with it and refining it, to the point where you guys still didn't like, so I re-purposed it and changed it to a metal to please you all?
Because subtle warp exposure adds doubt. It adds another layer to the species. Are they really using the rocks, or are the rocks tainting them and their delusions are taken as beliefs?
Alright Mynameisalie, in the next twenty or thirty or forty minutes, I'm gonna have a bigass critique of your fluff so far. So don't think I'm abandoning your thread. I'm not.
Hmm, let me think about the metal thing.
So, it is a battery. I won't mind that and do not really see what is wrong with it, but it would indeed give warp exposure, wich will corrupt the users.
So, any Lynx that uses it would become slightly tainted, and heavy users will become entirly tainted?
Mynameisalie wrote:First, absolutely pivotal thing about the Lynx, their Goddess. She is literally the centre of what the Lynx do in daily life. Imagine along the lines of female Emperor that doesn't and never had a mortal form (in my defence, best comparison I could make). Their religion is based around her. Their military fight in Her name. Why? The Lynx believe her to be the one that pulls the race to glory (and she's doing a decent job of it!) Smiths will very often inscribe Her name into the blades and hilts of swords in Lynx runes, to bear good luck to the wielder. You could say the Lynx are very superstitious about their Goddess, luck, fate etc. She is INCREDIBLY important. For several reasons. She was the one that gifted the Lynx race with the powers of psykers, and also the one who, every single second, prevents daemons from corrupting her patron race's souls by willingly putting herself in the way of the assault and shielding their minds from daemonic possession. Hence, it is rare a Lynx will involuntarily turn to Chaos.
So, is she a Chaos God or just an extremely powerful psyker? And also, one entity can't make another entity a psyker. You're either born a psyker or you're not. Like, the Goddess could amplify the Lynx's existing psychic powers, but I doubt it could give an unpsychic Lynx powers.
Mynameisalie wrote:How she came to be is still an undecided matter on my behalf. I have NO IDEA where she came from, but my best theory at the moment is a consciousness generated from the souls of the whole Lynx populace, even the "blind" ones. "Blind" Lynx are those who still inhabit worlds where advanced technology, like plasma weaponry, advanced computing systems etc haven't even been dreamed of yet. Hence, these Lynx are commonly referred to as ferals, both by the IoM and the Tau. Civil Lynx, ones who are psykers, call them either the "blind" or the "unenlightened", due to them not having the benefit of the realisation that the Goddess has arrived to bring their race to glory.
So, if the Goddess' power comes from the thoughts and emotions of the Lynx, that would make her a minor Chaos God. Personally I like the idea of minor Chaos Gods, but some Dakkanauts don't. Really, I think its stupid for Chaos to only have four Gods. That isn't very chaotic, is it? Also, I like the part about the blind Lynx.
That being said, if she is a Chaos God, what's the emotion or state-of-being she's centered around? I would suggest hope, which would mean she's kind of like Tzeentch. And that would also mean that Tzeentch probably wants to kill her for infringing on his domain. After all, gods don't like having to share.
Mynameisalie wrote:Both culture and physiology is different in these two types of Lynx, but they both share the same triple-helix DNA pattern. Where this pattern originated, the Lynx do not know. What it contains, though, is another matter. One strand of the Helix contains the base genetic programming of a Lynx; what they look like, their personality etc. Another is the psyker gene. This gene lies totally and utterly dormant in Ferals; hence they are as prone to daemonic possession as a normal human would be. It can only be activated through direct contact with the energy that resides in Silvite. The third strand is very strange, but as far as the Lynx understand it, it is a last resort to daemonic possession or Enslavers. If a daemon or an Enslaver happens to infest a Lynx's mind, this gene will suddenly stimulate the release of nanoscopic enzymes the cut away the psyker gene forcefully from the Helix, isolate it, and alter it. The way in which is altered is considered a horror to any Civil Lynx: they unfortunate soul that undergoes this process will have their psychic powers stripped from them. But even worse, the Lynx keeps their life, at the cost of their very soul. They are stripped of most emotion, becoming very similar to human psychic blanks in the respect they are unnerving to sentient beings that are in their presence. Naturally, this has an anti-psyker effect on surrounding Lynx, which is why these poor beings are usually put out of their misery, in the form of a smoking Lance Pistol muzzle. The Lynx consider it a curse to live without feeling, without emotion, without a soul. But, in some rare cases, the more powerful "blanks" are kept and used against the ranks of Chaos, when the time comes. Hence, they join the ranks of the Silenced.
I think it would work better as an organ that does this, rather than a DNA helix.
Mynameisalie wrote:Another important facet of all this is a strange metal named Silvite. It is indigenous to this Galaxy, possibly meaning it arrived during a meteor storm flung out millions of years ago from another Galaxy. It does, however, have a very interesting property. It absorbs surrounding energy and transfers it into a form which the IoM term Omnus-Energy, which literally means All-energy. The reason for its name is due to the fact it can be used as a source of power for nearly any machine you can think of. In terms of energy storage, and good chunk of the stuff, say the size of a house could be used as a suitable replacement as a Plasma Reactor of at least three times the size. It also has a psych-stabilization effect, acting as a psychic inhibitor that taps excess power that is often radiated from a Lynx when they are performing a more complex feat of psychic manipulation. This makes it very useful in powering machines and as safeguards against dangerous levels of psychic power. Another interesting property is that this Omnus-energy will decay into matter overtime, often causing Silvite to look as if it was growing like a living plant. The abundance of a sustainable metal means most Lynx weaponry and armour is made out of it.
You can cut all of this stuff. It doesn't add to the Lynx at all. I doubt anyone is going to read about the Lynx and ask, "But how do they power their houses and cities??????!!!!!!!!!!"
Mynameisalie wrote:The reason why planets of Lynx become psychic instead of small, random errors in gene coding is also due to Silvite. Without it, Cleovara would not have been born and the Lynx would still be little more than uncivilised animals living on a handful of worlds. During Her birth, the energy contained within the Silvite gave Cleovara just enough energy to actually emerge as a full consciousness. Cleovara is generally defined as being a benign deity, interested only in the survival of those who are clean (i.e. pretty much every race in the Galaxy that isn't condemned to Chaos, yes that includes Humans too. But of course, we're too xenophobic to give a gak about this and so we ignore it!), and one that really, really does not like daemons. At all. Now Lynx as a race really didn't care about daemons in the first place, but as they are devoted to their Goddess, they adopted her ways and generated a hatred for daemons amongst the Lynx populace. But that’s getting a bit off what this paragraph is on. Now, of course she immediately revealed herself to the populace and her first action was to bless her race (after all, she is their patron Goddess) with the psyker gene. The third strand in the Lynx’s DNA was changed to that of a psyker gene. This happened anywhere there were Lynx inhabiting a planet that had Silvite. However, only on planets that had Silvite in sufficient quantity was this gene activated. This left nearly 65% of the whole Lynx population with an inactivated psyker gene, ergo, Feral Lynx aren’t psykers.
Yeah, you can cut most of this stuff too. The Lynx are pretty much furry Eldar by this point. Seriously, they're a race of almost entirely psykers who hate Chaos and worship strange Gods, utilizing extremely advanced technology. You should keep the Goddess as a Lynx centric Chaos God.
Mynameisalie wrote:Physically, Feral and Civil Lynx only look slightly different. Feral Lynx will have more of a bestial nature to them, as well as larger muscles that have not been ironed out by evolution: they still need them. So there is not much to say about them other than that. But, anatomy wise, Lynx are interesting.
Most fascinating part is to do with their nervous system. It’s designed not only to carry electrical impulses, but psychic energy as well. This distribution of psychic energy is dealt with by a small membrane than surrounds a Lynx’s nerve like a spider web mesh. It’s actually part of the CNS. It controls and maintains internal levels of psychic energy to a certain degree, and is also responsible for things like memory tears and the odd psychic shields Civil Lynx tend to exhibit. Memory tears are a very interesting phenomenon. They are imbued with a small amount of psychic essence, along with a replica of some of the Lynx’s DNA. They are most often formed when emotion levels are running very high, such as anguish, ecstasy, rage etc. They contain a memory, often 5 to 10 minutes long, in incredibly vivid detail. Missing sections, fuzzy quality, and blurriness are all signs of the memory being tampered with, often indicating daemonic possession. In this way, the Inquisition have learnt a lot by torturing or persuading Lynx they have captured into creating a memory tear which they can analyse. But this is often dangerous. If you are not a Lynx, the memory may have a chance of burning itself to your memory, making it seem as if you were the Lynx themselves. Hence, Inquisitors often get guardsmen or the like to use the tear instead.
Lynx cry memories? I think you can cut this. It makes the Lynx seem too much like 'magical super-special cat people'. Really, if you remove this the Lynx will be pretty much the same.
Mynameisalie wrote:The two societies are very different, but here’s a breakdown.
In Feral Society, Lynx are often formed into groups called Prides. These Prides vary in size, some consisting of only a few members, others containing hundreds or even thousands of Ferals. The Druid of a Pride is determined through a series of tests, usually consisting of Strength and Skill, but more often than not, there is cheating and dishonesty involved, from assassination of the other competitors to use of Silvite shards. This Druid has full control over the Pride, but in prides numbering over a hundred usually there will be two or more Druids. If a Lynx is unhappy with the current Druids, then they either have to beat them through ritual combat, trial of skills or some other devious means of achieving the position. If you are born into the current Druid’s family, then you will be the inheritor of the position, depending if you are the firstborn of the Druid.
Druids sometimes carry shards of Silvite on their person, at all times. For some reason unknown to the Lynx, it allows the wielder limited control over their psyker gene, even if it is inactive. This gifts them the power of a psyker, but none of protection that Cleovara provides. Fortunately, they do not burn as brightly as other Lynx, and so are less noticeable.
Almost all male Lynx in a Pride will fight for territory, females are the ones that hunt and rear young. Males that do not fight are often found as professionals, crafting weaponry, looking after the wounded etc. Females have little to no education in any of these arts, due to male dominance.
Now the silvite are/is almost exactly like soulstones, which makes the Lynx even more like the Eldar. They're magic rocks that protect them from daemons and shield their souls. But beyond that, the feral Lynx civilization isn't bad. It's a backwards dictatorship, where ass-kicking equals authority.
Mynameisalie wrote:In Civil Lynx society, things get a lot more complicated.
A Lynx will be born into a specific caste, depending on whom the parents are. If the parents are from two different castes, then usually the child will follow the father’s caste if it is male, the mother’s if it’s female. These castes are as follows:
- Warrior Caste
- Creation Caste
- Devotion Caste
- Star Caste
- Prodigy Caste
- The Silenced
- The Lost
- Royal Caste
Here’s a moderately detailed breakdown of each caste:
The Warrior Caste is as it sounds. Lynx who wish to fight in the military join this caste to fight in Cleovara’s name. This caste is the largest of the 8 castes, the Lynx having a very strong fighting force that is well equipped and rigorously trained. Unlike the Imperial Guard, Lynx are trained to use their initiative in case of the Bladelord or Warrior Prince leading the force is killed. They will follow orders that they receive to the letter though, unless that order will result in a needless death. They have even been deployed to eliminate rebellions, but rumours tell of some ruthless Lynx, their identities unknown, ordering the elimination of an entire continent for no apparent reason…
They shouldn't have inter-caste marriage. That's too progressive for a society with castes. Royals should only marry Royals, Prodigies should only marry Prodigies, Stars should only marry Stars, etc...
Also, the warrior caste isn't too bad. It seems kind of bland to me, but there's nothing wrong with it. You can keep it as it is if you choose to do so.
Mynameisalie wrote:The Creation Caste deals with the production of weapons, armour, food and pretty much anything else that can be grown, smelted, or built. They do a lot of dealing with the Warrior Caste, as many of the weapons are hand-crafted and stylised for each individual combatant. On some worlds very rich in Silvite, the Creation Caste is the dominant caste, mass-producing everything the Lynx need. But there are a few machinations that have been built by this caste that many outside it should not know…
Get rid of silvite.
Now, onto the actual caste. If you wanted to make it more grimdark, you could make the Creation caste more of a lower caste. Like, they're pretty much slaves. If you're born into this caste, you're forced to spend the rest of your life building technology you're not allowed to use for Lynx that are higher up than you.
Mynameisalie wrote:The Devotion Caste is a bit of an oddity. They deal with the enforcement of religion, similar to the Ecclesiarchy, but do not use brute force to do so. They are naturally cunning and manipulative, and some in the Devotion Caste become advisors for the members of the Royal Caste. This caste tends to holy shrines, relics and the mass amount of ancient knowledge about their race. Few outside this caste ever learn even a fraction of their race’s history, but the Devotion Caste have a good reason to hide their knowledge. There are some things the general populace ought not to know…
So, the Devotion caste enforce a state-religion. They censor anything that contradicts their texts, as well as anything that might allow the average Lynx to know too much. If everyone knew about their religion, the Devotion caste wouldn't be in control anymore. Power is their biggest concern, so they make sure to keep a tight grip on any knowledge. I imagine they compete with the Royal caste for control, and the two have clashed in the past.
Mynameisalie wrote:The Star Caste’s members are the pilots, commanders and navigators of the Lynx’s starships. Whether these be simple transport vessels to fully-fledged battle cruisers armed with experimental weaponry, you’ll find almost all of the Star Caste contributing to the Lynx’s society from the cold vacuum of space. Lately, weapons technology has taken precedence over luxury cruises, and the number of transport vessels has fallen dramatically. This has led to some uproar throughout Lynx society, and some commanders have had to be forced to (on more than one occasion) eliminate these rebellions through several orbital bombardments…
I really doubt the Lynx would revolt over having to travel on less comfortably starships, unless they're all idiots. I dunno, maybe you could change it so that Lynx from the Creation, Lost and Prodigy castes aren't allowed to travel anymore, so that the government can keep a tighter grip on them. These Lynx revolted, and then they were blown up.
Mynameisalie wrote:The caste that invents the new technology and machinery that many Lynx need is known as the Prodigy Caste. Normally, very intelligent and gifted Lynx will be drafted into this Caste if they are found lacking in the Caste they were born into. Though a very young race, the Lynx have already unlocked many of the secrets of the universe, such as quantum mechanics or advanced technology. The most recent (and worrying) discovery this Caste has made is shrouded in mystery, but reports made to the Imperium through a network of spies has revealed some rumours about it being based on the Schwarzschild Radius, or more precisely Black Holes…
So basically intelligent children are enslaved and forced to work for the government, being raised for the purpose of developing weaponry. This is nice, and suitably grimdark. Presumably, once they're no longer useful, they're killed for knowing too much.
Also, the Lynx shouldn't be a threat to the Imperium. The Imperium should be a threat to the Lynx.
Mynameisalie wrote:The Silenced are a very mysterious Caste, and according to general Lynx society, they do not exist. They never have and never will. The members of this Caste are the “blanks” that have been through the severing process and have retained a strong enough will to survive the depression that follows. They are very rarely ever seen in military applications, and most certainly have never been allowed out in public, save for one member who is very well renowned…
So, there's a useless caste of freaks who don't do anything?
Why doesn't the government just kill 'em?
Mynameisalie wrote:The Lost are sometimes referred to as psychopaths. Ironically, it is an excellent description and better than the name of the Caste they are part of. The Lost are simply those who have been through too much to stay sane, been corrupted by daemons but only just holding on, or Ferals who are so savage it is futile to reason with them. This is the Caste where the outcasts of society still serve a purpose: to die in the name of Cleovara in glorious combat and redeem their souls. They are a sorry assortment of criminals, possessed and clinically insane, many of which never see their families again…
You're using the word ironically wrong. So, this is caste of people who the government has deemed 'insane', so they're forced to die for the government who enslaved them? Suitably grimdark.
Mynameisalie wrote:The Royal Caste speaks for itself. Though advanced for a young race, they still prefer the old ways of a dominant line of blood that looks after the populace. The Royal Caste varies from world to world, different families holding the same position. They hold great power over the populace of the planet they rule, and have the rights to trial, punish and condemn those who disobey their rule. Thus, some planets are very strict; even the slightest infraction can mean certain death, whilst others are far less tight-fisted and allow for much flexibility in their subjects. One family, the family of Uras’sola (lit. bright colours) has complete and direct control over every other ruling family. They have the power to instate an new ruling family if the current one is found lacking, but this is a rare occurrence. Even so, stories persist that many of the families that fall out of favour are condemned to the Caste of The Lost…
Ok, let me once and for all, clarify what silvite is.
It's a leech battery. It sucks energy from it's surroundings and transfers this energy to a form of unstable energy that will decay over time in to more Silvite.
It stores a surprising amount of energy given it's size. Refer to the house/plasma reactor thing.
That is practically all it is. But it also provides the energy Cleovara needs to "protect" her race's minds. If you were hooked up to a helluva lot of batteries, it'd ubercharge you as well. Figuratively.
It don't really see any problems with the term: leech battery.
Also, I think no inter-caste marriage sounds just a bit too much like Tau. That's why I allowed it.
By the way, the Silenced are psychic blanks. Anti-psykers, if you will. They have to be kept away from their psyker counterparts (i.e. the rest of the Civil Lynx), but are used in military applications where anti-psychic power is needed. Mostly when daemons are involved.
So they're nulls. Silvete "decays over time in to more silvete"? And the IOM/ Eldar/ Tau/ Necrons have not found and used this energy because...? It's even Indigenous to the galaxy, as you said earlier, so there's no logical reason that I can see for other races not to have used it.
Very recent. It's very recent. That meteor shower? It A. Only hit the Halo Stars, so it's unlikely anyone else will have found it and B. there wasn't much of it. The Lynx are lucky to have found it in the first place.
No offense, but it really seems like you're pulling excuses out of a hat, rather than thinking things through legitimately. Why can the Lynx go where no one else can, (i.e. the Halo Stars)?
liquidjoshi wrote: No offense, but it really seems like you're pulling excuses out of a hat, rather than thinking things through legitimately. Why can the Lynx go where no one else can, (i.e. the Halo Stars)?
Also, wouldn't those resources be incredibly limited after awhile if was only a meteor shower.
Mynameisalie wrote: Also, I think no inter-caste marriage sounds just a bit too much like Tau. That's why I allowed it.
By the way, the Silenced are psychic blanks. Anti-psykers, if you will. They have to be kept away from their psyker counterparts (i.e. the rest of the Civil Lynx), but are used in military applications where anti-psychic power is needed. Mostly when daemons are involved.
Its too progressive for such a backwards society. Please drop it. Also, silvite serves no purpose. Its not interesting. All it does it make the Lynx look even more like 'special super thundercats.'
In his book, On Writing, Stephen King wrote that you need to "kill your darlings". Don't get involved with your story. If you find yourself rooting for a character in your story, kill 'em right away. Otherwise the quality of your writing will dip. He's one of the most successful writers in the world, so follow his advice. Be cold and detached; try not to root for your Lynx. Try not to care whether or not they live or die.
Mynameisalie wrote: Also, I think no inter-caste marriage sounds just a bit too much like Tau. That's why I allowed it. By the way, the Silenced are psychic blanks. Anti-psykers, if you will. They have to be kept away from their psyker counterparts (i.e. the rest of the Civil Lynx), but are used in military applications where anti-psychic power is needed. Mostly when daemons are involved.
Its too progressive for such a backwards society. Please drop it. Also, silvite serves no purpose. Its not interesting. All it does it make the Lynx look even more like 'special super thundercats.'
In his book, On Writing, Stephen King wrote that you need to "kill your darlings". Don't get involved with your story. If you find yourself rooting for a character in your story, kill 'em right away. Otherwise the quality of your writing will dip. He's one of the most successful writers in the world, so follow his advice. Be cold and detached; try not to root for your Lynx. Try not to care whether or not they live or die.
Just because Stephen King said it doesn't mean you should do it. Killing a character because you become attached to them is a Plan Z scenario, after all your other plans have failed. How many books would be different because the author decided "Oh no, I like XYZ! I must kill him/her now!"? I'm gunna go out on a limb and say a whole frigging bunch, because as a writer is it next to impossible not to become attached to a character, but it is very much the opposite to be able to learn when to ignore that attachment, and when to utilise it. Being detatched from your characters might sound like a great idea to start with, but think about when you're attached to them.
You start to feel their feelings, think how they would think, do what they would do and say what they would say; how does that not scream "useful"? You've reached a scene when your character must make a decision, and you have two options: go for the detached decision, where you write it only to progress the plot, or the informed decision, when you plunge yourself deep into your character and ask yourself, "What would I do?". One of them tells a story, the other one tells a story that sounds like it actually would have happened, because the character chose that decison, not someone looking at the plot through a window.
Not caring whether they live or die also sounds like it would be useful, and sometimes it is, but it attachment can make you evaluate everything. Is this death meaningful? Or am I just doing it for the sake of the plot/sake of someone important dying? There's also the fact that death scenes will be so much more emotional if the writer, too, is grieving. If you've distanced yourself, then you feel cold, you feel emotionless, to you it's just another death. If you're attached to them, then you feel sadness, you feel the guilt of letting them go, you feel how everyone watching, everyone who finds out about it, everyone in the story who cares for that character, feels. Without that feeling, that death is just another death, but with it, it's not just a death, it's a part of the story that rends the reader's heart and opens them up to how the writer felt, how much this character actually meant, and how much is dying with them. Their death could mean something later in the plot, but I'd far, far prefer to know something, or at least suspect something, because of just how much the writer cared, than have to flick back to when they died and re-read it in order to link it to something that happens later on. One of those is me being so engrossed in the story that my own feelings and emotions are guiding me through it; the other is because my eyes and brain are comprehending text. Which would you prefer?
I'm not saying that Stephen King is wrong, but I don't think his words as you've written them are meant to be interpretted as they are being. I also don't think it's particularly correct to say "He's one of the most successful authors in the world, so follow his advice." Does the fact that his books have made him money mean that everything he says must be true? Is it that his books are considered to be very good, does that mean he speaks truth? It's a mistake to follow the advice of an author simply because he's successful; follow it because you believe it.
I try to become attached to my characters when I write. If I come to a point where I feel they could be killed off, and I find myself not wanting to do it, I go through with it. If the author loves a character, they are much easier to write.
I may not have been clear, but I was suggesting that this sentient rock be what the Lynx are using, not your 'Silvite'. Its a rock which grows over time, through worship and care, and can grow anywhere. So when it initially landed in the meteor shower, a clan (or whatever your ferals use as a group, pack I guess) came across it and were enthralled. They bore shards of the rock to the packs they were allied with, who accepted this boon and the knowledge which came with it. They then took the shards to their enemies through force, 'enlightening' them. When they reached for the stars and discovered space travel, they carried parts of the rock with them, and where they set up new colonies, they began to grow new rock at the centre of each city.
It's from this rock that the Lynx draw their amplified psychic powers. It's from this rock that the Lynx learned the mysteries of space travel and high technology (it pretty much has to be a warp infused rock for it to make any sense. Maybe it fell off of Draigo's boot while he was kicking Slaanesh in the nuts?).
The rock (you should come up with a better name for it) is held close to a Lynx's skin. After mere moments of contact, it has bonded with its host. Attempted separations after this time have ended with either the death or the madness of the Lynx in question, as well as the crumbling of the rock.
They believe that the rock is linked to their goddess, when in fact the rock has simply played upon their already existing religion, which was based around a deity who didn't exist.
Something like that. Not bad for someone who is sick as a dog, if you don't mind me saying. And the Draigo thing is a weak attempt at a joke.
LoneLictor wrote: In his book, On Writing, Stephen King wrote that you need to "kill your darlings". Don't get involved with your story. If you find yourself rooting for a character in your story, kill 'em right away. Otherwise the quality of your writing will dip.
I'm just gonna say, King seems to have interpreted that differently. "Murder your darlings", at least how I interpret it, is meant to mean you should keep an eye on how super-awesome-badass you make your characters in order to maintain realism, and less "you like your character? Kill him off immediately!". I'd consider it a successful book when I feel emotions for the characters, which seems like a no-brainer to me.
Avatar 720 wrote:EDIT: Probably should've PMed this instead, but I think it contains some useful advice, albeit indirectly.
LoneLictor wrote:
Mynameisalie wrote:Also, I think no inter-caste marriage sounds just a bit too much like Tau. That's why I allowed it.
By the way, the Silenced are psychic blanks. Anti-psykers, if you will. They have to be kept away from their psyker counterparts (i.e. the rest of the Civil Lynx), but are used in military applications where anti-psychic power is needed. Mostly when daemons are involved.
Its too progressive for such a backwards society. Please drop it. Also, silvite serves no purpose. Its not interesting. All it does it make the Lynx look even more like 'special super thundercats.'
In his book, On Writing, Stephen King wrote that you need to "kill your darlings". Don't get involved with your story. If you find yourself rooting for a character in your story, kill 'em right away. Otherwise the quality of your writing will dip. He's one of the most successful writers in the world, so follow his advice. Be cold and detached; try not to root for your Lynx. Try not to care whether or not they live or die.
Just because Stephen King said it doesn't mean you should do it. Killing a character because you become attached to them is a Plan Z scenario, after all your other plans have failed. How many books would be different because the author decided "Oh no, I like XYZ! I must kill him/her now!"? I'm gunna go out on a limb and say a whole frigging bunch, because as a writer is it next to impossible not to become attached to a character, but it is very much the opposite to be able to learn when to ignore that attachment, and when to utilise it. Being detatched from your characters might sound like a great idea to start with, but think about when you're attached to them.
You start to feel their feelings, think how they would think, do what they would do and say what they would say; how does that not scream "useful"? You've reached a scene when your character must make a decision, and you have two options: go for the detached decision, where you write it only to progress the plot, or the informed decision, when you plunge yourself deep into your character and ask yourself, "What would I do?". One of them tells a story, the other one tells a story that sounds like it actually would have happened, because the character chose that decison, not someone looking at the plot through a window.
Not caring whether they live or die also sounds like it would be useful, and sometimes it is, but it attachment can make you evaluate everything. Is this death meaningful? Or am I just doing it for the sake of the plot/sake of someone important dying? There's also the fact that death scenes will be so much more emotional if the writer, too, is grieving. If you've distanced yourself, then you feel cold, you feel emotionless, to you it's just another death. If you're attached to them, then you feel sadness, you feel the guilt of letting them go, you feel how everyone watching, everyone who finds out about it, everyone in the story who cares for that character, feels. Without that feeling, that death is just another death, but with it, it's not just a death, it's a part of the story that rends the reader's heart and opens them up to how the writer felt, how much this character actually meant, and how much is dying with them. Their death could mean something later in the plot, but I'd far, far prefer to know something, or at least suspect something, because of just how much the writer cared, than have to flick back to when they died and re-read it in order to link it to something that happens later on. One of those is me being so engrossed in the story that my own feelings and emotions are guiding me through it; the other is because my eyes and brain are comprehending text. Which would you prefer?
I'm not saying that Stephen King is wrong, but I don't think his words as you've written them are meant to be interpretted as they are being. I also don't think it's particularly correct to say "He's one of the most successful authors in the world, so follow his advice." Does the fact that his books have made him money mean that everything he says must be true? Is it that his books are considered to be very good, does that mean he speaks truth? It's a mistake to follow the advice of an author simply because he's successful; follow it because you believe it.
Yeah, being attached to your characters works for you and I get what you're saying. But it doesn't seem to be working for Mynameisalie (he's trying to keep his race as perfect and special as possible), so that's why I gave him that advice. I should've worded my post better.
shrike wrote:
LoneLictor wrote:In his book, On Writing, Stephen King wrote that you need to "kill your darlings". Don't get involved with your story. If you find yourself rooting for a character in your story, kill 'em right away. Otherwise the quality of your writing will dip.
I'm just gonna say, King seems to have interpreted that differently. "Murder your darlings", at least how I interpret it, is meant to mean you should keep an eye on how super-awesome-badass you make your characters in order to maintain realism, and less "you like your character? Kill him off immediately!". I'd consider it a successful book when I feel emotions for the characters, which seems like a no-brainer to me.
Again, I should've worded that post better. What I should've said is, "Don't write about what you want to happen. Write about what would make a good story. The exception to this rule is if what you want to happen is a good story. Then go for it."
The Halo Stars are outside the galaxy for one thing. Two, you haven't described how the Lynx can travel between worlds. So either they are native to the Halo Stars, and therefore out of reach of the Imperium (The Astronomican drops short of these by a long ways), or they have some sort of interstellar travel that doesn't deal with the Warp the same way humans do.
Humanity is limited to the limits of the Astronomican, diving into the Warp to travel between worlds.
Chaos can strike anywhere within the boundaries of the Warp, giving them near limitless mobility.
Eldar travel through the Webway, which nobody quite knows how far it stretches, besides remaining in the galaxy.
Ork Ships go where they need to. Their natural resistance to Warp mutation allows them to travel easily. And if they get stuck in the Warp, they just fight for the hell of it.
Tau skim along the surface of the Warp, traveling safer but slower, limiting their sphere of influence.
Tyranids slingshot themselves off of planets and suns, using their gravity and psychic power to bend realspace, allowing them to hit other regions. They also travel perpendicular to the galactic plane, causing widespread invasions
Necrons phase into systems from their ships, appearing and disappearing instantly.
Apart from the Tyranids, next to nobody has access to the Halo Stars. They are beyond accessible space. Why should the Lynx be able to reach them where others cannot?
LoneLictor wrote:In his book, On Writing, Stephen King wrote that you need to "kill your darlings". Don't get involved with your story. If you find yourself rooting for a character in your story, kill 'em right away. Otherwise the quality of your writing will dip.
I'm just gonna say, King seems to have interpreted that differently. "Murder your darlings", at least how I interpret it, is meant to mean you should keep an eye on how super-awesome-badass you make your characters in order to maintain realism, and less "you like your character? Kill him off immediately!". I'd consider it a successful book when I feel emotions for the characters, which seems like a no-brainer to me.
Again, I should've worded that post better. What I should've said is, "Don't write about what you want to happen. Write about what would make a good story. The exception to this rule is if what you want to happen is a good story. Then go for it."
How would the Ghoul Stars do? They've been traversed before, but quite unsuccessfully I believe. The Death Specters watch over them and sod all is known about the Specters except they're a 13th founding chapter and they're all albinos. It also gives the Lynx a handy 'enemy' of sorts to start out with, since they've not really been expanded on fluff-wise so it's not completely likely that any contact with the Lynx will be extremely recent, and quite possibly hasn't warranted very much attention at all.
As far as I know, the Ghoul Stars themselves are home to a number of strange aliens, described as being supernatural.
If these aliens even come close to rivaling a civilization, the Death Specters would be all over them. I thought I read somewhere that those guys are really aggressive.
1) Why keep silvite?
2) Is the Goddess a Chaos God? If so, what emotion is she powered by?
3) Do Lynx still cry memories, or have you changed that?
4) Do Lynx still have inter-caste marriage, or have you changed that?
What about something wholly original. Fixed points like webway gates, but here's the deal, they can't send one thing one way. They need something on the other side to come back. It would be like a swap.
1) Why keep silvite?
2) Is the Goddess a Chaos God? If so, what emotion is she powered by?
3) Do Lynx still cry memories, or have you changed that?
4) Do Lynx still have inter-caste marriage, or have you changed that?
1. Good point. However, I was going to make it a psychic tie to the rocks joshi mentioned earlier.
2. I don't know. She could be, or maybe not. I think I might as well. Emotion? Er... Was going to say Hope, but that infringes on Tzeentch...
3. The tears are replacements for the Lynx's generally worse memory. They traded memory for enhanced powers. Kind of.
4. I just thought it was a bit too similar to the Tau. But I'll change it if you really want me to.
1) Why keep silvite?
2) Is the Goddess a Chaos God? If so, what emotion is she powered by?
3) Do Lynx still cry memories, or have you changed that?
4) Do Lynx still have inter-caste marriage, or have you changed that?
1. Good point. However, I was going to make it a psychic tie to the rocks joshi mentioned earlier.
2. I don't know. She could be, or maybe not. I think I might as well. Emotion? Er... Was going to say Hope, but that infringes on Tzeentch...
3. The tears are replacements for the Lynx's generally worse memory. They traded memory for enhanced powers. Kind of.
4. I just thought it was a bit too similar to the Tau. But I'll change it if you really want me to.
1) Yeah, I would suggest cutting it. All that you really need to say is, "Lynx are psychic." You don't need to explain why.
2) This is really up to you, but I think it would work better as a Chaos God. Its fine if its a God of Hope; you could just say its one of the minor Gods competing with Tzeentch for the Hope pantheon.
3) The memory thing doesn't seem to add much to the Lynx. I would suggest cutting it.
4) I feel like it would work better if the castes were separate. Its hard to imagine a Royal marrying a Lost, or even a Devote marrying a Craft.
Well, considering marriage, Lost and Silenced aren't allowed to marry at all. Royals may marry whomever they choose, as long as they hold a very high position (otherwise, inbreeding may insue).
So the only real inter-caste marriage is between Devotion, Warrior, Star and Prodigy. Mind you, not very many prodigies live that long.
And for FTL travel, I'm thinking about going with Tadashi's pylons, but another method involving the recently mentioned work of the Prodigy Caste may be about to end that...
Mynameisalie wrote: Well, considering marriage, Lost and Silenced aren't allowed to marry at all. Royals may marry whomever they choose, as long as they hold a very high position (otherwise, inbreeding may insue).
So the only real inter-caste marriage is between Devotion, Warrior, Star and Prodigy. Mind you, not very many prodigies live that long.
I guess this just sounds too progressive to me.
Also, you don't need to worry about your race being too much like the Tau. All they have in common with the Tau is a caste system. A lot of other stuff is different. Like, the Tau aren't psychic at all. The Lynx are all psychic. The Tau utilize mechs and plasma-weaponry. The Lynx utilize somewhat well-trained infantry. The Tau don't believe in any Gods. The Lynx worship one.
What is the problem? It was an honest statement. The Lynx and Atu are allies, it seemed only logical that the Tau will have helped with at least some of their technology. It just made sense.
The Tau'va are relativley new to the wider universe, they have been trapped by warpstorms to the one system. How they achived their level of tech already is mysterious. I don't think they'd help random aliens with their tech.
I think as well Alie, you're:
A) Trying to be friends with everyone (seriously, after the whole "worship the Emperor" thing, I can't dig it.) which in a galaxy of eternal war and racial hatred/ contempt really isn't logical or a selling point.
B) focussing on tiny details way too much. Who cares who can marry who right now when there are much, MUCH bigger problems to deal with.
And for the record, I didn't come up with the rocks, that was Motyak I believe.
liquidjoshi wrote: And for the record, I didn't come up with the rocks, that was Motyak I believe.
And all praise to him. More seriously, does anyone actually support the idea of the rock twisting and corrupting them and having a parasitic relationship with the Lynx (or is it symbiotic, if the rock needs the Lynx to spread it)? Or does it seem silly
Mynameisalie wrote: I see you point. But Tau have helped with the development of their technology.
While on the other edge of the Galaxy, the Tau are slowly being encroached by Hive Fleet Kraken as they desperately try to gain a foothold in deeper territory, whilst the Lynx are far to the north of them, trapped in the Ghoul Stars?
LoneLictor wrote: Unless your Lynx are Tau slaves, they wouldn't have Tau technology.
Rogue Traders scavenged some of the wreckage from the Damocles Crusade, and fled North when they were discovered by Tau vessels, accidentally being trapped in the Ghoul Stars where the Lynx found them, killed them, and stole small amounts of the technology they scavenged.
Only a suggestion, but potentially workable unless what is wanted is completely and utterly Tau-built, as opposed to reverse-engineered Tau with added Lynx.
Yeah, the thing is, the Lynx shouldn't have the new bestest Tau technology and the bestest psychic abilities unless they have some to compensate for it. Like the Eldar; they have amazing technology and psychic abilities, but they're all dying so tough luck.
Ok, I have thought about it, and maybe this is a decent idea.
Lynx ships are kind of primitive in their looks, but in spacial combat they can be quite deadly. They do use psychic weaponry that in some cases can subvert Void Shielding, but rely on "sails" to help propel them. If these sails are destroyed, the ship is a sitting duck against all attacks, but some experimental ships have energy shields instead of metal, and are much less prone to this.
If you want a good idea of what they look like, they resemble this:
For FTL travel, these ships will fold away their sails and resort to a form of teleportation that requires a lot of energy and can only make moderate jumps, but will transport the ship almost instantly to the target point.
Instant transportation should be out of the question. That's like giving the Lynx the Mass Relays and allowing them to hit anywhere from the Eastern Fringe to the Cadian Gate in seconds. And nobody else can use the Mass Relays
Even the Necrons, who just appear out of nowhere, don't move that fast.
When I said limited range, the jumps are only 5 light years or so. Max 10. Any more and teleport overlay mishap becomes too risky.
Would you like to become part of the ship? I wouldn't. However, following Tadashi's pylons earlier could make things like relay points for these ships to teleport to; if there is a Pylon, the ship could jump with extreme accuracy, kind of like a homing beacon?
I'm seeing more "We're great at everything" for less drawbacks the further we go into this.
Instant teleportation, the kind even Eldar can't do? No, just no. They have sails, what do these work on? There's no wind in space. I also think their naval abilities should be limited, especially if they're relying on metallic shields rather than power or void shields. Laser batteries would tear through them easily.
They have shields, obviously. The sails are made of metal, which refract energy onto solar panels on the side of the ship's hull. Ergo, they get energy from the stars, in a sense. The newer experimental ones have force-field refractors, but they're prone to shorting out.
The Lynx use a hell of a lot of experimental weaponry, as their fleet's are relatively new. So the Star Caste is actually quite a new addition.
And in which case I have no idea what to do for FTL travel. It'll be related to Tadashi's pylons. Probably.
I would go with the Pylons, to be frank. With how limited their ships seem compared to the other races, I might just ditch space travel altogether and go with their trans dimensional hops.
In the Star Wars Expanded Universe, before modern hyperdrives were created, hyperspace could only go between two fixed points. There were lighthouse networks of hyperspace conduits that would allow ships to travel between planets, but anything outside the conduits was pretty much doomed.
Why do lynx need to travel in space? Even if they have a few space travel ships so that they could inhabit a couple neighbouring planets they really don't need to have super awesome space fleet and stuff.
Except Mass Relays are instantaneous jumps. Hyperspace still takes time. (example: It takes two weeks to get from Endor (Outer Rim) to Bakura (edge of the Unknown Regions) by Hyperspace. Along more plotted hyperlanes, you can go faster, but when charting out new expanses, you are limited to much slower paths as you navigate around anomalies.
Right now, I think a combination of Star Wars like Hyperspace and Protoss Pylons as lighthouses is the best way to go. Its different enough from the other races to justify not using regular warp travel, but it has its own set of drawbacks that keep it from being overpowered.
Pros:
it is safer to travel, more plotted routes travel faster.
cons:
navigating to new systems is a nightmare due to how slow it takes to chart out anomalies and new hyperlanes.
Arcsquad12 wrote: Right now, I think a combination of Star Wars like Hyperspace and Protoss Pylons as lighthouses is the best way to go. Its different enough from the other races to justify not using regular warp travel, but it has its own set of drawbacks that keep it from being overpowered.
Pros:
it is safer to travel, more plotted routes travel faster.
cons:
navigating to new systems is a nightmare due to how slow it takes to chart out anomalies and new hyperlanes.
Imperium of Man---Backwards, bigoted, and dying.
Craftworld Eldar---Arrogant, rare, and dying.
Dark Eldar---Psychopathic, arrogant, rare, and dying even faster than Craftworld Eldar.
Chaos Space Marines---Impulsive, psychopathic and daemonically manipulated.
Daemons---Intangible, impulsive and often insane
Tyranids---Mindless, unfeeling and sociopathic.
Necrons---Soul-less, unfeeling and sociopathic.
Orks---Psychopathic and idiotic.
Tau---Oppressive and naive.
Lynx--- Reckless, impulsive, ten not to think things through very carefully, and often kill themselves by forgetting their shields aren't that powerful.
Recklessness is pretty meh, I don't see how that defines their entire race, especially since you want them buddying up with the Imperium and the Tau. Recklessness and also really good friends? Yeah that's not working.
Impulsive is pretty much the same thing.
And same with the shield thing.
All you've done is say the same basic thing three times. And not once do they really match up to the serious flaws at the heart of other big races.
And they're not exactly consistent with what you've said about the Lynx. Reckless, for example. They're taking the diplomatic approach and trying to be everyone's friend. Fine. But a reckless race would just go balls to the walls "we'll fight you and if we win we win. If we lose we're dead, so meh." Reckless is Orks, and the Black Templars/ sisters when there are heretics/ xenos/ psykers about, and even then it isn't merely "reckless", it's "Crazed zeal".
Ok, I'll give it a think. But there is one that they are very prone to.
Over-confidence. They are far too confident in their own abilities. They believe everything they do is perfect, and cannot be improved upon any further. Thus, the Lynx's society and battlefield tactics will never improve.
If they believe they are perfect then why the heck are they allying with anyone? Much less worshipping the Emperor?
If you want this route, then allies are not going to be allies, you are going to have them sneering down at other races and essentially manipulating them. Which, kinda like you've gone before, is very very Eldar.
But my point remains. If they believe themselves perfect, then alliances have no value. After all, if you thought you were capable of anything and perfect, why bother with alliances with weaker nations? Especially the Tau, who deal in assimilation into the greater good over alliances.
Mynameisalie wrote: Ok, I'll give it a think. But there is one that they are very prone to.
Over-confidence. They are far too confident in their own abilities. They believe everything they do is perfect, and cannot be improved upon any further. Thus, the Lynx's society and battlefield tactics will never improve.
You mean like;
Slannesh and other forms of Chaos, Dark Eldar, Eldar Pirates, some Eldar Craftworlds, the Imperium, the Orks.....
Yeah, it's already far too common and makes them a bit more like the Eldar.
I'd say most non-Craftworld Eldar do innovate, if only in the tactics department. Nevertheless, the comparison still stands. This race is like the Eldar.
Azariah Kyras wrote: I'd say most non-Craftworld Eldar do innovate, if only in the tactics department. Nevertheless, the comparison still stands. This race is like the Eldar.
I probably should have said some Dark Eldar and Pirates, but the state of being pious and superior is very Eldar.
Azariah Kyras wrote: Yeah, I'd love to debate Dark Eldar with you, but your point still stands.
OK, a minority of Dark Eldar (parts of the Haemonculi covens) consider themselves above other beings in every way, it's a minority, but the pious nature still is Eldar like.
Yes.
They kill their own race mercilessly. They condemn those who are corrupted and offer no salvation. They will cheat and lie their way to success. The goal that they fight for was made for unity. The Lynx have turned it into a bloodbath.
Those are the moral flaws I can give you at this time. Enjoy.
Mynameisalie wrote: Yes.
They kill their own race mercilessly. They condemn those who are corrupted and offer no salvation. They will cheat and lie their way to success. The goal that they fight for was made for unity. The Lynx have turned it into a bloodbath.
Those are the moral flaws I can give you at this time. Enjoy.
Hence why it can't be a Big player in the universe. That and it would feth up other fluff.
There's got to be an angle that's at least somewhat, if not totally, unique. That means it won't be basic. I can think of a few that are basic, but W/E. Not sure they'd fit the lynx.
Just think on it Alie. Really think on it, not of what already exists, but of what would be the most Lynxish.
I was thinking something like eating the dead. Not like the Kroot, to get stronger, but to defile them. Maybe they believe that dead that are eaten cannot go to heaven, and do it to spite their enemies.
liquidjoshi wrote: Hence why it can't be a Big player in the universe. That and it would feth up other fluff.
There's got to be an angle that's at least somewhat, if not totally, unique. That means it won't be basic. I can think of a few that are basic, but W/E. Not sure they'd fit the lynx.
Just think on it Alie. Really think on it, not of what already exists, but of what would be the most Lynxish.
What's the idea? Come on, I want to hear it! It'll be better than what I can come up with. Insanely better.
If you want ideas, I would suggest reading. A lot. The more you read, the better a writer you are and the more creative you are. If you want 40k books, I would suggest reading...
Ravenor
Soul Hunter
A Thousand Sons
Fear the Alien
Seconded for A Thousand Sons. If you can, check out the 3rd ED 'crons codex, that had some good fluff in, as well as pretty much anything by Dan Abnett and Aaron Demski-Bowden.
And feel free to look outside of 40k books for inspiration. You might find ideas in other science fiction. Or heck, even break the mold further and go outside your comfort zone.
Biggest thing for writers is to READ. Read everything you can get your hands on. It's all raw material for you.
curran12 wrote:And feel free to look outside of 40k books for inspiration. You might find ideas in other science fiction. Or heck, even break the mold further and go outside your comfort zone.
Biggest thing for writers is to READ. Read everything you can get your hands on. It's all raw material for you.
Yeah, here are some non 40k books I would recommend reading off the top of my head.
Fight Club --Brilliant book. I don't wanna tell you anything, because almost everything is spoiler. Just a head's up though; Tyler's philosophy is not a good one. Don't think that.
Revenge of the Sith --I never thought a piece of licensed merchandise could be so good. This book took a gakky movie and made it into a brilliant novel. Seriously, this book defied all expectations.
Flowers for Algernon --Only book to make me cry. Goddamn it, he didn't deserve it.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas --The book of the dope decade. It captured the feelings of an entire generation, which is quite rare for a book to do. Its hard to compare this book with anything; its really unique.
Watchmen --Brilliantly written with everything foreshadowed from the beginning, yet you still don't see it coming. Also it has pretty pictures.
Skeleton Crew --A collection of short stories written by Stephen King, who has pretty much the best prose/writing style of any writer ever.
There are plenty of classical books I could recommend, but considering your age school has probably ruined most of them for you. When I was 14, I hated any books that looked even remotely like something I would have to read in school, despite how good it might be. I was a spiteful person. And I still am!
I tend to lean more towards fantasy, but Sci-Fi always does interest me. If I get a good book, I really can't put it down. On more than one occasion I've ended up reading for several hours before my mother or father comes upstairs to wake me from my book-induced stupor.
For sci-fi horror, I recommend the following: The Nameless City, The Festival, The Color Out of Space, The Call of Cthulhu, The Dunwich Horror, At the Mountains of Madness, The Whisperer in Darkness, Dreams in the Witch House, The Shadow over Innsmouth, The Shadow Out of Time, and The Strange Case of Charles Dexter Ward.
I'm going to recommend 1984 as well, I think that if you're looking at any sort of Dystopian society then it's definitely worth a look. Brave New World is probably also worth a look as well.
liquidjoshi wrote: I'm going to recommend 1984 as well, I think that if you're looking at any sort of Dystopian society then it's definitely worth a look. Brave New World is probably also worth a look as well.
liquidjoshi wrote: I'm going to recommend 1984 as well, I think that if you're looking at any sort of Dystopian society then it's definitely worth a look. Brave New World is probably also worth a look as well.
Mynameisalie wrote: And I'm an energetic reader. I read more than most 14 year olds, I bet.
I have been reading since I was eight. The first book I read seriously was 'The Three Musketeers' Original version. I sleep with books around and have exhausted at least two librarys. I am your age. Do not brag about your reading prowess. It makes you look foolish.
Now, for the lynx. Have you yet to find a suitable idea?
If you want Sci Fi, I recommend reading reading Revenge of the Sith. You can just 1 click buy it for eight dollars. If you want Warhammer 40k, read Ravenor or Soul Hunter, both of which portray the grim darkness of the far future really well.
I don't have many good fantasy recommendations. I dunno, I don't read much. I've heard Game of Thrones is really good, but I haven't read it.
Really, anything that Matthew Stover or James Luceno have written for Star Wars is excellent material.
Stuff like Revenge of the Sith or Shatterpoint, or even Luke Skywalker and the Shadows of Mindor are excellent reads that manage both gravitas and the pulpy feeling of the original films.
Arcsquad12 wrote:Really, anything that Matthew Stover or James Luceno have written for Star Wars is excellent material.
Stuff like Revenge of the Sith or Shatterpoint, or even Luke Skywalker and the Shadows of Mindor are excellent reads that manage both gravitas and the pulpy feeling of the original films.
Amen. I spend a lot of time trying to mimic Stover's prose, unsuccessfully.
Side note: That bit about reading more than most 14 year olds, the one that has spawned at least 3 seperate off-topic (and really quite flamebait-y) posts, falls into the "ignore it" category that I mentioned a few pages back.
Why don't you write them to be the direction creations of the God Emperor's lost primarchs; in fact why don't you say that your race are the descdents of the lost primarch which happened to be a cat furry and a female space marine and that they are the key to bringing back the Emperor from the dead to to defeat the gods of chaos; also that they secretly taught Commissar Yarrick how to be awesome and that they helped Marneas Calgar destroy the tyranid hive fleet and that they are also the descendents of the Fallen Angels and they are secretly helping the Dark Angels too.
KhornePysker wrote: Why don't you write them to be the direction creations of the God Emperor's lost primarchs; in fact why don't you say that your race are the descdents of the lost primarch which happened to be a cat furry and a female space marine and that they are the key to bringing back the Emperor from the dead to to defeat the gods of chaos; also that they secretly taught Commissar Yarrick how to be awesome and that they helped Marneas Calgar destroy the tyranid hive fleet and that they are also the descendents of the Fallen Angels and they are secretly helping the Dark Angels too.
KhornePysker wrote: Why don't you write them to be the direction creations of the God Emperor's lost primarchs; in fact why don't you say that your race are the descdents of the lost primarch which happened to be a cat furry and a female space marine and that they are the key to bringing back the Emperor from the dead to to defeat the gods of chaos; also that they secretly taught Commissar Yarrick how to be awesome and that they helped Marneas Calgar destroy the tyranid hive fleet and that they are also the descendents of the Fallen Angels and they are secretly helping the Dark Angels too.
If you don't want to help, then don't post.
I'm helping by telling her to not make mary sues of which she is dangerously close to making by making a race that the Imperium would actually percieve as something to be cared about
KhornePysker wrote: Why don't you write them to be the direction creations of the God Emperor's lost primarchs; in fact why don't you say that your race are the descdents of the lost primarch which happened to be a cat furry and a female space marine and that they are the key to bringing back the Emperor from the dead to to defeat the gods of chaos; also that they secretly taught Commissar Yarrick how to be awesome and that they helped Marneas Calgar destroy the tyranid hive fleet and that they are also the descendents of the Fallen Angels and they are secretly helping the Dark Angels too.
2/10 for the effort, getting a bit obvious now Khorne Psyker.
KhornePysker wrote: Why don't you write them to be the direction creations of the God Emperor's lost primarchs; in fact why don't you say that your race are the descdents of the lost primarch which happened to be a cat furry and a female space marine and that they are the key to bringing back the Emperor from the dead to to defeat the gods of chaos; also that they secretly taught Commissar Yarrick how to be awesome and that they helped Marneas Calgar destroy the tyranid hive fleet and that they are also the descendents of the Fallen Angels and they are secretly helping the Dark Angels too.
2/10 for the effort, getting a bit obvious now Khorne Psyker.
I thought Ailie was a he....anyway, psyker. Stop, please. We're slowly fixing the gak to reveal the potential. If you have any proper criticism, set if forth.
KhornePysker wrote: Why don't you write them to be the direction creations of the God Emperor's lost primarchs; in fact why don't you say that your race are the descdents of the lost primarch which happened to be a cat furry and a female space marine and that they are the key to bringing back the Emperor from the dead to to defeat the gods of chaos; also that they secretly taught Commissar Yarrick how to be awesome and that they helped Marneas Calgar destroy the tyranid hive fleet and that they are also the descendents of the Fallen Angels and they are secretly helping the Dark Angels too.
2/10 for the effort, getting a bit obvious now Khorne Psyker.
KhornePysker wrote: Why don't you write them to be the direction creations of the God Emperor's lost primarchs; in fact why don't you say that your race are the descdents of the lost primarch which happened to be a cat furry and a female space marine and that they are the key to bringing back the Emperor from the dead to to defeat the gods of chaos; also that they secretly taught Commissar Yarrick how to be awesome and that they helped Marneas Calgar destroy the tyranid hive fleet and that they are also the descendents of the Fallen Angels and they are secretly helping the Dark Angels too.
2/10 for the effort, getting a bit obvious now Khorne Psyker.
And I fifth it. Sorry for the delay. And to clear up any misconceptions, yes I am a guy.
I seem to have lost track of what exactly we were discussing; I haven't been on in a while, but this is what I've summarised:
1. We're all seeming to be ok with the Lynx's appearance and name. Anatomy needs tweaking a bit, but I've removed memory tears and enhanced strength. I think that should be suitable, and it seems to be what everyone wants.
2. Silvite, crystals, whatever, gone. Gone. Plain and simple. No more. This race doesn't need that kind of stuff to be good, thanks for finally making me realise that.
3. I think the Goddess is leaning more towards the "Chaos Goddess of Hope" thing, which would mean she would encroach on Tzeentch's domain and therefore p*ss him off. I could have her current state contained within most Lynx planet's core in something. A Lith, was it?
4. Castes seem good, apparently it's not a bad idea according to you guys. Yeah, I'll tweak Creation Caste to be more of a slave caste, if that's what you want.
5. The split race kind of thing seems plausible, if not slightly odd. Ferals, Civils, I think they're very nearly set in stone.
So you guys need something else to work with. What do we move onto then? Moar fluff? If so, what would you like to know? If not, and you want to move on to the army list or something, please tell me.
Mynameisalie wrote: And I fifth it. Sorry for the delay. And to clear up any misconceptions, yes I am a guy.
I seem to have lost track of what exactly we were discussing; I haven't been on in a while, but this is what I've summarised:
1. We're all seeming to be ok with the Lynx's appearance and name. Anatomy needs tweaking a bit, but I've removed memory tears and enhanced strength. I think that should be suitable, and it seems to be what everyone wants.
Mostly good, yet less pure cat, more feral and bestial in appearance
2. Silvite, crystals, whatever, gone. Gone. Plain and simple. No more. This race doesn't need that kind of stuff to be good, thanks for finally making me realise that.
Good.]
3. I think the Goddess is leaning more towards the "Chaos Goddess of Hope" thing, which would mean she would encroach on Tzeentch's domain and therefore p*ss him off. I could have her current state contained within most Lynx planet's core in something. A Lith, was it?
Daemon of Tzeentch, problem solved
4. Castes seem good, apparently it's not a bad idea according to you guys. Yeah, I'll tweak Creation Caste to be more of a slave caste, if that's what you want.
Don't call it caste, that's Tau territory.
5. The split race kind of thing seems plausible, if not slightly odd. Ferals, Civils, I think they're very nearly set in stone.
That's fine.
So you guys need something else to work with. What do we move onto then? Moar fluff? If so, what would you like to know? If not, and you want to move on to the army list or something, please tell me.
I thought the Caste thing was all right. I know it's encroaching onto Tau, but it seems most people generally think it's a good idea.
How about Birthrights? Is that a better name?
It's semantics really...
You can call it whatever you like but in the end the result is the same. You have a caste system. You could use order instead of caste. e.g. Slave Order, Leader Order, Warrior Order etc
Mynameisalie wrote: I thought the Caste thing was all right. I know it's encroaching onto Tau, but it seems most people generally think it's a good idea.
How about Birthrights? Is that a better name?
Class System.
Yes, a minor change, but it does make a difference.
Daemon of Tzeentch symbiosis, perhaps?
The reason I wanted a minor Chaos Goddess is simply because it helped explain how the Lynx gained their psychic abilities. They can't just get them out of nowhere, right?
Mynameisalie wrote: Daemon of Tzeentch symbiosis, perhaps?
The reason I wanted a minor Chaos Goddess is simply because it helped explain how the Lynx gained their psychic abilities. They can't just get them out of nowhere, right?
They can just have them?
Not all, but something like 1 in a 1000 or so. The Tzeentch Daemon's could have offered artifacts to enhance them, such as Daemonic scrolls and books.
What I got so far.
The guys need some more special rules and all, and still busy. If you give me a few names and short descriptions for special characters I can put them in too.
HQ:
----Lynx Noble…… 130 pts
Noble:WS:5 BS:4 S:5 T:4 W:2 I:5 A:2 Ld9
Lord: WS:6 BS:4 S:5 T:4 W:3 I:5 A:2
Base gear:
Standard armor (5+)
CC weapon
Pistol
Can swap pistol for standard issue gun…free
Can take better armor (4+) +10 pts
Can take better gun +5 pts
Can take better pistol +5 pts
Can take better CC weapon +10 pts
Can take power weapon +15 pts
Can be upgrade to Lynx Lord for 25 pts
----Lynx High Priest 105 pts
WS: 3 BS:3 S:4 T:3 W:2 I:5 A:1 Ld:9
Base gear:
Force weapon
Pistol
Lvl 2 Psyker
6++ save
Can take armor (6+) for 10 pts
Can take better pistol for 5 pts
Upgrade to lvl 3 psyker for +20 pts
----Feral Lynx Chieftain__________________100 pts
Chieftain: WS:6 BS:2 S:4 T:4 W:2 I:5 A:3 Ld:9
Warlord: WS: 7 BS:2 S:5 T:4 W:3 I:5 A:4 Ld:9
Base gear:
2 CC weapons
Light armor (6+)
Superduper agility (6++ save)
Can swap a CC weapon for a low-level pistol….free
Can upgrade both CC weapons to power weapons…+30 pts
Can take improved armor (5+)…+10 pts
Can be upgraded to Feral Lynx Warlord for +30 pts.
Elites
----Physic Blanc Lynx unit___________________150 pts
Blanc Lynx: WS:4 BS:3 S:4 T:3 W:2 I:4 A:2 Ld:8
Officer: WS:4 BS:3 S:4 T:3 W:2 I:5 A:2 Ld:9
5 Blanc Lynx
Base gear:
Armor (4+)
CC weapon
Gun
Can add more blanc lynx’ for …+30 pts each
For every 5 models one can take a flamer for… 5 pts
Upgrade one Blanc to a stronger one with CC weapon and pistol… +5 pts
Special rules:
Blancs: Deny the Witch rolls only fail on a 1.
Fearless
Furious charge
Feline Grace: All units with this rule have the Fleet and Move Through Cover special rules. Furthermore, units with this rule may re-roll one D6 when rolling for charge movement.
Wow. You guys went at that hammer and tongs. I'll show you the prototype HQ's. Ferals rending on charge sounds good, or maybe give them a special rule that allows them to have a different skill set each time? A couple of examples: Razor Claws Rending on the charge, +1 attack/WS, fleet of foot, move through cover Blitzkrieg +1" to movement both moving and charging, +1 initiative, fleet of foot, move through cover Ghost Knives Stealth, fleet of foot, move through cover, deep strike (maybe?)
Just a few. I think we should focus on Ferals first. All Lynx units will have S3/4 and T3, unless they are particularly weak (priestesses) or particularly strong (Bladelords)
Mynameisalie wrote: Daemon of Tzeentch symbiosis, perhaps?
The reason I wanted a minor Chaos Goddess is simply because it helped explain how the Lynx gained their psychic abilities. They can't just get them out of nowhere, right?
They can just have them?
Not all, but something like 1 in a 1000 or so. The Tzeentch Daemon's could have offered artifacts to enhance them, such as Daemonic scrolls and books.
Mynameisalie wrote: Wow.
You guys went at that hammer and tongs. I'll show you the prototype HQ's. Ferals rending on charge sounds good, or maybe give them a special rule that allows them to have a different skill set each time? A couple of examples:
Razor Claws
Rending on the charge, +1 attack/WS, fleet of foot, move through cover
Only HQ's or Elites, make it expesnive. The WS and attack should ether act like rage, or be included in the profile
Blitzkrieg
+1" to movement both moving and charging, +1 initiative, fleet of foot, move through cover
Remove this, it's ridiculous and the name isn't good.
Ghost Knives
Stealth, fleet of foot, move through cover, deep strike (maybe?)
No, far too much. One or two rules, not four.
Just a few. I think we should focus on Ferals first.
All Lynx units will have S3/4 and T3, unless they are particularly weak (priestesses) or particularly strong (Bladelords)
