You receive a 500 lb bag full of master-crafted bolters, plasma pistols, and special weapons.

I insert the whole of an ork Waagh.

You get free Fungus beer and Squig sandwiches for live.

I insert set of fine hobby tools

You get a hardware store.

I inserted the jews.

You get outdated construction equipment.

I insert a vegan.

You get Phil Kelly.

I insert a hive city.

You get Megacity 1.

I insert a copy of Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom menace PC game.

You get The Medic.

I inserted knight model's resin.

You get ten million air bubbles holding hands.

I insert Terror Planet.

You get a Tower of Terror.

I insert Soviet Russia

You get Chaos Dwarves with big hats.

I insert a pile of wood chips.

You get chiped beef wrapped around logs.

I insert a puppy!

You receive a Direwolf.

I insert a primed grenade.

You get a pineapple.

I insert Codex: Necrons.

You get metal boxes

I insert a DVD of Where the Dead go to Die.

You receive a DVD of Dead ALIVE!

I insert my last dollar.

You receive an Orks last Tooth. He wants it back.

I insert an 15 year old spraycan of Citadel colour Skull white

A dust-spray can pops out.

I insert you.

Nnebrok, the evil twin steps out of the machine, deposes Tom Kirby, and works to turn GW into a truly evil company.

I insert a jar of Nutella.

You get a couple of nicotine patches.

Inserted a paintbrush.

You get a Citadel Spray Gun.

I insert an Ork.

You receive a WAAAGH! of rowdy Londoners pissed about the World Cup.

I insert my brother and a sofa. With him on the sofa.

You get your mother in a sexy pose with nothing on.

I insert all the mind floss and brain bleach so you suffer that image for a while.

You get a grinning daemonette wearing a top hat.

I insert Mr. Bean.

You get the world's most hilarious compact video tape ever!

I insert murica.

You get muricans. All of 'em.

I insert Paul Sawyer.

You get Tom Sawyer.

I insert Mat Ward's personal Catacomb Command Barge.

You get Dreadfleet.

I insert Gorka-Morka.

You get stabbed.

I inserted John Lennon.

You get Yesterday and Yoko Ono.

I insert a Mountain Dew.

You get Tullamore Dew.

I insert the grinning daemonette's top hat and a highly pleased grinn of my own before leavening with the daemonette. This can only end well.

You get a resin effigy of Mr. Peanut.

I insert Sir Paul McCartny.

You get him back along with a rude note about putting gak into vending machines.

I insert Kharn the Betrayer's lesser known pacifistic brother, Khare.

You get a Khare Bear, of course.

I insert the Gordon Highlanders.

You get a GW death squad, sent by my evil twin brother Nnebrok who is now president of Games Workshop. Thier orders are to bring him your head. (Funny how he is the clean shaven brother and I am the one with the goate.)

I insert my Epsilon Warriors army background.

You get a rejection letter signed by Jervis.

I insert Jervis.

You get a rejection letter from God. Also the devil does'nt want him either.

I insert my collection of old White Dwarf magazines and as a free bonus my collection of old PC game magazines.

You get some Airfix kits.

I inserted spiderman.

You get a 5 foot long spider with a face.

I insert my glorious return to warhammer

You get tabled by a ten year old.

I insert unpainted miniatures.

You get the exact quantity of paint that would have been needed to paint them.

I insert an AC-130U Spooky gunship and an Ork Mekboy.

You get a loota. He's angry.

I inserted a vegetarian who respects people who eat meat.

You get another imaginary creature called a Unicorn.

I insert ten snotlings and a Q-Tip.

You get a fat Grot with a white fluffy mustache.

I give the loota a swift kick in the head and tell him to go help the mekboy. I then insert the confussed loota.

you get some Cygnaertian Trencher Commandos.

Inserted the Jews.

You get a bunch of left-wing radicals telling you to be politically correct

I insert a bunch of conservative politicians

You get the Jews back.

I insert Iron Man.

You get an Iron Can

I insert a unit of Genestealers

You get Space Hulk.

I insert the Perry twins.

You gat a rat from the desert.

I inserted said rat.

You get a most delightful hat made from said rat.

I insert a small child's belief in Santa, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and favorite cartoon character.

The machine stutters, and you hang around for a few hours. Out pops a container labeled dreams, which promptly drops and shatters. You now have shattered dreams.

I insert an Imperial Lasgun.

You get a Storm Bolter.

I insert the Emprah.

You get Macha, boobs, whiskey, porno, heresy, a natural twenty, xenos love, a fallen paladin of sorts, chainmail on the armor on the floor, and -4 STR.

I inserted a Tau Fireblade.

You get nothing. For the greater good.

I insert a Kangaroo.

You get Tony Abbott and a Drop Bear.

I insert Tim Howard.

You get Howard the Duck.

I insert Inquisitor Leon Virtanen.

You get xeno porn

I insert macha

You get a postcard from Machu-Piccu.

I insert The World Cup.

you get the opposite of Atlantis.
I insert a space marine terminator.

You get an Ah-Nuld Terminator. It will never stop hunting you.

I insert LV-426.

a face hugger jumps out of the machine.
I trick the terminator into falling into the machine.

You get a CD. It is a recorded message from Ah-nuld saying:"ahll be Bak!"

I insert Ridley Scott.

You get a delayed reaction.

I inserted the film A Hard Days Night.

You get a black and white overworked dog.

I insert the Monkees.

You receive a pack of monkeys, out for your flesh.

I insert a selfie.

You get an attention whore.

I insert a good tall drink.

You receive another round.

I insert Sea Monkeys.

You get a sizable pile of excrement.

I insert Thomas the tank engine.

You get an even bigger pile of excrement.

I insert facebook.

You drown the world in excrement.

I insert the critique of all reason.

You get a Wiki.

I insert a Wookie.

You get a half dozen ewoks.

I insert Jar Jar and a note requesting it be fixed or destroyed.

You receive Jar Jar back with an invoice stating that he has been updated to version 2.0. The invoice bills you for 20,000 Republic Dataries. Note that Jar Jar is now TWICE as annoying.

I insert a chainsword with the chain blade running.

you receive a chainsaw, with the blade running.

I insert a Hockey mask.

You and your partner get killed by a maniac with a machette the next time you have sex.

I insert the Mario brothers.

You'd get the Princess, but she's in another castle.

I insert a empty prometheum cannister.

You get back a full promethium canister

I insert a full promethium canister

You get the smell of victory.

I insert Games workshops secret internal memo detailing all the releases for this and the next year.

You get Fan Fiction.

I insert used bottle rockets.

You get a coupon for a big mac for cleaning up fireworks.

I insert an angry werewolf

You get dog soldiers.

I insert Napalm.

You receive a Skaven Warpfire Thrower

I insert Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock series.

You Receive Gottrek & Felix: The wonder Years

I insert an Anne Rice novel.

You get the Twilight series and a book of matches.

I insert the complete works of Clive Barker

You get a box to open.

I insert Mr. Mercedes.

You receive a letter...

I insert The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

You receive Index Astartes.

I insert free will.

You recieve a dildo

I insert GW's financial report

You receive a comic book.

I insert aluminum cans.

You recieve an Imperial Knight.

I insert a Hrud.

You get a homebrew codex.

I insert female Thor.

You received six Squats and a wooden nickel.

I insert a combat servitor and a Chihuahua.

You get a fine red mist and a message: Please do not insert rodents and weapons again.

I read this message and insert a capybara and a battle ax.

You get Margaret Thatcher.

I insert Captain America.

You get tasty thigh fillets and a shield.

i insert a model t ford

You get back a model of a model T ford
(scale unknown)

I insert a pint of roofing tar

You get a can of Diet Roofing Tar.

I insert cat.

You get scratched up in the attempt, and receive a band aid and +1 wisdom.

I insert Ascerak.

You get back a Warhammer model version of it.

I insert a dime.

You get a Mat Ward Bobblehead.

I insert Dawn of War 2.

You get Super Mario Brothers.

I insert Daggerfall.

You get a quest to go to Morrowind.

I sit down and seek to move the vending machine's iron heart with a tale of love, betrayal, battle, and redemption. I then insert the dying words of the hero.

You receive one Bourbon, one Scotch, and one Beer.

I insert Malifaux.

You get a warhammer rulebook with the loving words of Matt Ward; sucker.

I insert a massive brain

You get a can of dead brain cells.

I insert Codex: Bob.

You get Codex: Fimir

I insert GuardsmanBob.

You get a Necron Warrior.

I insert the entire series of Doctor Who

You get a card with a 6 drawn on it.

I inserted a Eldar who died and came back to life.

You get a greasy Eldar Helmet. (He used to much hairspray)

I insert a Ded Shiny Shoota

You get an instruction manual on how to assemble a M16.

I insert the Dragon Born.

You get out alduin who enslaves the world.

I insert the entirety of World War 2

You get the unification of terra by the Emperor.

I inserted Menoth the Creator.

You get william the Bastard.

I insert smelly socks.

You get a thank you note from nurgle.

I insert the Colonel-Comissar Ibram Gaunt of the Tanith Fusilers.

You get a 1/100 scale model of him, and if you listen closely, you can hear him screaming.

I insert Neil Armstrong (the astronaut)

You get a life-size figurine with glowing red eyes.

I insert a human heart ripped out from the purest virgin.

You get Mortal Kombat 2 for the Sega.

I insert some M&Ms.

You get a bag of Skittles.

I insert Yuengling Traditional Lager.

You get Corona beer.

I insert a pumpkin that comes alive to eat people on halloween

You receive the Boogyman.

I insert a vortex grenade.

you get a blowjob.

I inserted Putin.

You get excuses.

I insert the Gaza Strip.

You get Kashmir

I insert the Qoran

You get codex: CityFight

I insert 3-D glasses.

You receive a cinema coupon for a 2D film. None of which exist now.

I insert all of Wholock.

You receive Horton.

I insert chicken bones.

You get chicken meat.

I insert a yummy meat sammich

You get Monster Cocks fried chicken.

I inserted Manchester airport.

You get Manchester United.

I insert the Chicago: Bears, Cubs, White Sox, and Blackhawks and a note "please make them go away"

You get Season Tickets.

I insert Bacon.

You get a felony quantity of Methamphetamine.

I insert Snurl.

You get the new improved mega Space-Wolf Snurl on sled thing pulled by wolfy things.

I insert sing your life.

You get a male version of sing your life.

I insert five dollars in change.

You get a sandwich and coffee with no cup.

I insert Bottle Rockets.

You receive Rocket Bottles!

I insert Cadia.

You get big bare arms.

I insert the new wolf-sled thingy.

You get 14D13.6293 enraged Vikings in a flying longboat.

I insert a drunk wolf.

You get vomit.

I insert Steam's Summer Sale.

You get a Valve.

I insert a brand new finished 3D backlight Halloween attraction.

You receive technical problems, and poor reviews.

I insert cheese.

You get Codex: Space Wolves. Now with Rothsgobel Rabbits.

I insert the blood of the living.

You receive the hair of the dead.

I insert a Where is Marbo poster.

You get back a severed head with a sign saying 'Right 'Ere'

I insert a baby woodchipper

You receive a twisted copse

I insert a gallon of Ledbelcher

You receive a gallon of liquid lead.

I insert warp-snuff.

You get back an insane Queek Headtaker

I insert the finest severed Storm Trooper head around.

You get a beaky marine.

I insert the TV remote.

You get a VHS Remote

I insert a Floppy Disk

You recieve a hard disk.

I insert the written accounts of the exploits of Mathias Ward, captain of the ultramehreens.

You get the adventures of Baron Munchausen.

I insert a pencil.

You get a multi-barreled pointy stick.

I insert a grumpy flying cow.

You get a happy digging moose.

I insert a 5 page essay on how the vending machine is impossible.

You get it back with annotations pointing out your mistakes and a 5,000 page counter essay with reliable, verified sources proving it is possible and that you are a tatertot.

I insert a pile of tatertots (including Guardsman Bob).

 ChaoticMind wrote:
You get it back with annotations pointing out your mistakes and a 5,000 page counter essay with reliable, verified sources proving it is possible and that you are a tatertot.

I insert a pile of tatertots (including Guardsman Bob).

Lol what the hell?

You get a pile of guardsman flavored ketchup packets.

I insert all the dice that have failed me.

You get new dice, made from the finest tatertots, and eager to begin failing.

I insert ChaoticMind.

You recieve a tombstone.

I insert THE dropzone commander.

You get Off Board Deployment.

I insert a tombstone.

You get a zombie of yourself.

I insert a sexy vampire. (not a posturing fey from twilight)

You recieve a posturing fey from twilight.

I insert an empty mehtal bawx.

You get Lord Carron to put inside the mehtal bawks. And watch him take away his own mehtul bawks.

I insert the stickiest glue created.

You receive some grease with the lowest coefficient of friction ever.

I insert the prayer of a small crippled orphan child forced into countless horrible situations.

You recieve a book titled "hoe to do make orfan'z lief bettur" by cultist, but you cant understand the writing in it.

I insert terrorism.

You receive an AK-47

I insert the Warp.

You recieve the warp.

I insert wasps.

You receive Hornets.

I insert a can of RAID.

You get back a can containing Iraq soil.

I insert the Geo Group.

You recive a WoW raid.

I insert a Warcraft Troll, wit de ja-macan acsent.

You get de ganja mon.

I insert the meaning of life.

You get number spaghetti with the label 'Good Luck'

I insert a Ghoul

You receive Ra's-Al-Ghul.

I insert a cricket ball.

You get a baseball bat.

I insert a sheep.

You get back a wolf pretending to be your grandma.

I insert Jimmy Fallon

You get David Letterman.

I insert monkeys.

You receive the Planet of the Apes boxed set. You cannot discard it or resell it.

I insert a fan.

You get fan fiction.

I insert a brand new Planet of the Apes boxed set.

You get back Tim Burton laughing at your misfortune at his 2003 re-make.

I insert the hardest quiz in the world.

You get Pinhead's Puzzle box.


I insert Girl Scout Cookies.

You get cookies made of Girl Scouts.

I inserted Monster Cocks fried chicken.

You get back the KKK chasing you out of the precinct because they are now against all races and praise that Satan is the only being to rule the world.

I insert a little man

You receive sheer badassery.

Speaking of sheer badassery, I insert Sly Marbo.

You receive an ever more badass Ollanus Pius.

I insert a Lamenter. A poor, unlucky Lamenter.

You get a DEMENTOR. a vicious, snarling, hideous Dementor.

I insert Anne Rice.

You get rice n beans.

I insert Ibram Gaunt, attached to Eldrad Ulthian with lots of duct tape.

You receive the death of Chaos.

I insert a jet plane engine.

You recive an old propjob.

I insert a left handed doodleflipper refrier.

You get poorly cast restic question marks.

I insert Thagrosh, The Messiah of Everblight

You get Handel's Messiah.

I insert the last cold beer.

You get a desperate English person.

I insert Ultraviolance.

You get infrerdead.

I insert a disembodied head of Colenel Sanders screaming "EVREYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG!!!"

You get the bones.

I insert the new Nagash model.

You get a bar of gold.

I insert C.S Goto.

You receive MULTILASERS.

I insert a suit of Terminator armour.

You get tin cans.

I insert Ibram Gaunt.

You get an Vindicaire assassin who has been shot in the chest with a bolt pistol.

I insert Love in the Iron Kingdoms.

You get Herpes.

I insert Nagash.

You get a mold from behind the fridge.

I insert my avatar.

You receive a bloody set of headphones.

I insert Olaf.

You get an Ogre.
I insert some leaves and lawn debris.

You receive a horny dryad.

I insert a CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT.

You get a box of AWESOME.

I insert a box of rocks.

You get a bag of dicks.

I insert Shrek.

You get Austin Powers.

I insert a Mexican Space Marine

You get Pancho Villa.

I insert all of the useless extra command bits I have collected.

You receive more command bitz, enough for your whole army.

I insert drugs. Weird ass drugs.

You receive DOOMRIDER.

I insert Action 52.

You get Method 33.

I insert a square root.

You receive a pentagonal leaf.

I insert a flaming fish.

You receive a burnt fillet of salmon.

I insert a landmine.

You get party popper.

I insert a ham sandwitch.

You get a BLT.

I insert my shotgun, and pull the trigger.

You gun-shot.
I insert the hole in my pocket.

You receive a pair of dreadfully fagtastic hipster skinny jeans.

I insert a zweihander.

you get 2 dreihanders, 6 desert eagle .50 cal handguns and a dozen solid leather calf high boots all on a confused tentacle monster.

I shove your avatar and the heavily armed and confused monster with 25 tentacles into the machine.

You recieve an amalgamation of Squigsquasher's avatar and a tentacled monster. It is covered in hideous tentacles.

I insert the amalgamated tentacled monster.

You receive a Shoggoth.

I insert Sgt_Smudge and the aforementioned Shoggoth.

You receive Chris-Chan. *shudder*

I insert the Dread Gazebo.

You receive the Dread Pirate Roberts.

I insert a book of Your Mom jokes from the 90's

You get Nine inch nails.

I insert your mom.

You get your father in drag.

I insert Jack Skelington in drag.

You get a boner.

*rimshot*

I insert a pile of C.S. Goto novels.

You get a pile of C.S. Lewis porn knockoff novels.

I insert three days worth of MRE's

 Pyeatt wrote:
You get a pile of C.S. Lewis porn knockoff novels.

I insert three days worth of MRE's

You receive coupons for dog food.

I insert Tom Kirby

You receive Jack Kirby.

I insert the left testicle of the last person who decided to discuss who'd win in a fight between Tyranid and Zerg.

You get a bag of marbles.

I insert Old Zogwart

You get a howl of rage and turned into a squig.

I insert the squigified Ascalam.

You get a bowl of mushroom stew.

I insert one of the Emperor's toenails.

You get one of the Emperor's used ear swabs.

I insert Space Dandy, and his dandy space crew from space.

you receive the evil guy from ice age 4.
I insert cataphracti terminators, against my will.

You receive the Minotaurs Chapter after your blood.

I insert the Ultramarines movie soundtrack.

 Sgt_Smudge wrote:
You receive the Minotaurs Chapter after your blood.

I insert the Ultramarines movie soundtrack.

You get Indrick Boreale.

I insert CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT.

You get a box of AWESOMENESS.

I insert a Trollhammer Torpedo.

You get a Troll mask, and hear beeping noises.

I insert all my dead batteries.

You get a copy of Gorka-Morka.

I insert an Ironbeard.

You receive a Stonehorn.

I insert a rampaging wildebeest.

You get choreography, but from the early 80's.

I insert Urien Rakath's used syringe.

You get Doomriders used coke straw

I insert Dranon's Delight episode 7.

You get Turkish Delight.

I insert Space Hulk.

You receive an actual Space Hulk. It destroys Earth, but not before the genstealers on board maul you and infect you painfully.

I insert my best friends?

You get a bucket of blood.

I insert all empty spray cans.

You get a McDonalds Gift Certificate for free fries.

I insert some McDonalds fries.

You get a doctor sadly shaking his head sadly.

I insert a slightly sweaty man-thong that smells supicious.

You get pork tenderloin.

I insert a Kustom Mega Slugga

The vending machine excepts this dakka, and gives you five dollars.

I insert That Guy.

You receive This Guy.

I insert the bucket of blood that was previously my best friends?

You get your best friend back, but he/she is all red, and craves blood.

I insert all those Vote For ____ signs people have been sticking on my yard.

You get an Imperial Electorium.

I insert the people who stick the signs in the yard.

You get cultists of Tzeentch

I insert the keys to Manufactorum Ajakis

You get atrip to the Florida Keys.

I insert Garlic Bread.

You receive bad breath.

I insert Tom Kirby's resume.

You get a 3 Dollar bill.

I insert ice cubes.

You get a Margarita on the rocks and a photo of Tom Kirby for your wall.

I insert a bottle of whiskey.

you get a hooker. HE is angry.
I insert my avatar.

You get Kaela Mensha Khaine

I insert the tail fins from a '67 caddy

You get the tail fins of 67 angry daemon screamers.

I insert the secret codex where they've hidden Guardsman Marbo.

You get a MELTABOMB!
I insert a 3" tall (very angry) space marine.


BTW, love the sig, It's a great band.

You get a 30' tall, even angrier Titan.

I insert The Pretty Reckless.

You get a Stern Talking To.

I insert a bottle of orange juice with a broken protective seal that otherwise appears to be fresh and unopened.

You get Butterbeer.

I insert Kickstarter premiums.

You get the last copy of "Pictures for Sad Children"

I insert "A Wish for Wings that Work"

You get: "If I Ran the Circus"

I insert a penguin and a scruffy cat.

You get club penguin.

I insert an anarchist chick and a mutant kangaroo

You get rebellious mutant children.

I insert years of therapy.

You get much better now.

I insert a ticking bomb.

You get a bombing tick.

I insert Smaug.

You receive a merry band of dwarves.

I insert the two Lost Primarchs.

You recive death threats from the imperium.

I insert The Day the Clown Cried

You get Marcel Marceau.

I insert an invisible box.

You receive nothing. Or do you?

I insert nothing.

You receive a quantum singularity.

I insert the Axe Morkai

You get a Wolf Pelt.

I insert a wolf.

You get rabies.

I insert a rehab pamphlet for Marbo's Meltabomb addiction.

You get a Thunderhawk Gunship kit. But it's melted.

I insert the recovery room nurse.

You get a stripper in a nurse outfit.

I insert Old Man Henderson.

You get Freddy Krueger.

I insert a bratwurst

You recieve a Bockwurst.

I insert a Frankfurter.

You get a fraulien from Dresden.

I insert bloody bandages.

You get a visit from the CDC, and a ticket.

I insert the perfect answer.

You get the perfect paradox.

I insert the charred remains of Weird Al.

You get Doomrider, but his soundtrack is polka-ized.

I insert a slaanesh worshipping shemale cult leader psyker.

You get GuardsmanBob.

I insert my last dollar.

Ascalam wrote:

I insert a slaanesh worshipping shemale cult leader psyker.

snurl wrote:You get GuardsmanBob.

I insert my last dollar.

My secret is out! You must all die!

You get your last dollar back, over and over again.

I get Creed to scout a Titan into the Vending Machine.

You get a Necron Monolith with a Titan smashed into it.

I insert free candy.

You receive free diabetes.

I insert a city, perhaps London.

You get a tiny British flag.

I insert two D batteries.

You get a double- D ork cheerleader.


I insert a rusty chainsword

You get a Rust Monster.

I insert the Minnesota Vikings.

You receive real Vikings, who invade Minnesota.

I insert an exam paper.

You get a B.

I insert Ace Bandages. (slightly bloodstained)

You get Ace Ventura, also slightly blood stain ed

I insert a gene-seed for Astral Warriors

You get a bag of seeds for spaced-out stoners.

I insert Lego.

You get a brick of ketamine

I insert a lost, confused snotling

you receive a well guided snotling with GPS included

I insert the answer to the universe

You recieve dogma.

I insert kharma.

You receive Atma. Lucky you!

I insert a DVD featuring the acting history of Kel Mitchell.

You receive food stamps.

I insert some Malifaux Terrain.

You receive Monopoly terrain.

I insert the snitch.

You get the snatch.

I insert the cold pizza.

You receive Little Caesars... basically the same thing you put in.

I insert the Phoenix Down that could have saved Aerith.

You get the order of the Phoenix.

I insert Ann Rice.

You get Ricin (aaah? Get it?)

I insert the Phantom tollbootb