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"They can't hit us from all the way over there"
Abaddon to Chaos Marine "You found my My Little Pony collection!!!

Sargent: Squad ATTENTION!!!

Sargent: I would now like to introduce to you your new Commisar, Michale Jackson..... Other wise known as Commisar JacKo...

Commisar JacKo: At ease boy's; I mean Men. I want you all to know that I'm not taken NO mess from you or you all can"Just Beat It" right now.

Crazy_Carnifex wrote:Hey, nine 1's.

Oh look, another 9 ones!

Whats our orders sir ?

aparnetley we have to identify if there realy is a hieophnat in sector 5 and if there is we are to engage, does any one know what a hieophnat is anyway?

no... well we will give it our best shot anyway

"Nooo,the candy is finished!!!"

Deff Dread red Edition: I like it....

Ork Lootas: Armor 14 what the

I have WoN.

Ha, would you believe it? They only have a single wound not three, sorry about that. Ah well better luck next time mate, we can't backtrack it now at this stage of the game.

"Hey guys, Private Jones is acting strangely..."

What do you mean i have no name..?

dammit that means iam a nameless henchman,

iam so screw*d

As an Eldar facing Tau.

Hearing the Kroot yell "TASTE THE RAINBOW!!!"

awww look that bio-titan wants to play with us.
*squish*

Private: sergeant can this desert get any hotter

Sergeant: Well young man the Good News is, "Yes" it's gonna get alot hotter the Bad News is where all out of water, and the ony thing to eat is these two large bags of Saltine Crackers.

Well, looks like no enemies in sight.

Skreeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

foil7102 wrote:Guard:
"Oh, so we are fighting something other than Orks or traitor guard?"

"Hey you only have to hold off the chaos terminators for 3 hours"

"What do you mean it's my turn to carry the plasma gun?"

"What do you mean, charge the defiler? F that there is no way I am going to..... Oh hi Commisar.... BAMF!"

Now that was funny!!!

Sergeant: Ok men issued to some of you is the new type M-4 Plasma Gun, which is a little on stable, but we need to brekem in so rapid fire with them all the time...

An Eldar D-cannon squad is taking shots at my Shadowsword (1 structure point down) and a squad of Chaos Chosen with marks of Kharne is about 6" from it fighting my Sternguard. (35 freaking attacks from that one squad in CC?!) The table is loud as all get out from the many players on it. Then a short, stout kid walks up to me and sets an apocalypse template on top of my Shadowsword.

"Does that Shadowsord belong to you? Because I'm shooting it!"

That would be the "thing you don't want to hear" quote but the story goes downhill from there.

Me: From where? With what?

He points to somewhere distant on the table, there's about eight armies so I'm having a hard time seeing it.

"I'm behind the rock. My Gorgon battery. I'm dropping it on you."

One of those turns...

Next turn. Still in CC with Chaos, ugly but I'm starting to win. The Eldar got lucky and I can't use the volcano cannon. Then the kid returns, template in hand. He yells, "I'm shooting you with my doomsday device now!"

Anyway, I discovered a short, stout kid coming out of nowhere with an Apocalypse template is the last thing you want to hear on a battlefield, no matter what his reason to keep dropping templates on you.

That Carnifex looks like aChristmas tree with all those lights on it...

Guardsman: "Lt, Ive got some good news and some bad news from command."

Butter Bar: "Give it to me private."

Guardsman: "Well sir, the good news is that we have been authorized to launch tactical nukes from the deathstrike ICBMS....."

Butter Bar: "Well what the hell are you waiting for!?!? Launch already!"

Guardsman: "And thats the bad news Sir. Ive already punched the launch button but all I got was a ticking sound from the control system."

Butter Bar: "Oh for fracks sake..............."

*Kharn and Abbadon roll up to the position in a Land Raider filled with Khorn Beserkers and kill everyone*

Kharn: "All hail codex playbalance!"

Abbadon: "Mmmmhmmmmm"

Guardsman 1: "My lasgun hs stopped firing!"
Guardsman 2: "Take the clip out and roll the battries!"

Vox troopers - Sir, we have just had report from company command that the new commisar is arriving shortly.

Lietenant - Following on from the other 17 who met with unfortune accidents this week?

VT - Yes sir, but this one demands to use his own plasma weapons and...

Lt - What?

VT - And refuses to join the lead another Ogryn squad sir...

Lt -

"Alright guys, we need to advance to the middle of the battlefield as this is the last part of the battle. It's a thankless job and we will almost certainly be killed, but someone has to be slightly closer to the objective!"

"They couldn't hit a squigoth at this range-"

From a sanctioned psycher: "Dude, do you have some advil?"

whocares wrote:From a sanctioned psycher: "Dude, do you have some advil?"

Guy being asked for advil: "Uhhh....what's Advil?"

Commisar to men: "Die, my dear chaps? That is the last thing you shall do."

Guardsmen to his buddies: "Hey what's a Genestealer cult?"

Dark Angels: "Congratulations, you have been promoted to deathwing seargeant."
Sergeant: "Excellent!"
"Now hand over your power fist..."

It's actually really easy to get a guardsman to shoot a plasma gun. A carnifex shows up, they shoot their lasguns. Then you tell them, "Hey, wanta hurt that carnifex? This is an awesome gun powerful enough to do that!"

scuddman wrote:Dark Angels: "Congratulations, you have been promoted to deathwing seargeant."
Sergeant: "Excellent!"
"Now hand over your power fist..."

It's actually really easy to get a guardsman to shoot a plasma gun. A carnifex shows up, they shoot their lasguns. Then you tell them, "Hey, wanta hurt that carnifex? This is an awesome gun powerful enough to do that!"

But only 2/3rd of the time. Half if you're unlucky.

IG Commander: There is a Reason why we but the tanks BEHIND you....