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DISGUSTING! BAD MELISSIA BAD!
Anyway yeah getting laid at church just sounds so wrong. Eh what ever, if it happens to me I won't complain.

I have returned! After a day long battle with the balrog of internet I have come back as corpsesarefun the white to purge the world fro...

Donkeycave spelunking at bible camp? I prefered the balrog :(

corpsesarefun wrote:I have returned! After a day long battle with the balrog of internet I have come back as corpsesarefun the white to purge the world fro...

Donkeycave spelunking at bible camp? I prefered the balrog :(

ITs ok. No one understands it. And if we face a balrog that WOULD FREAKING ROCK!

Well; i've decided to bite the bullet and take the plunge. I'm going to have the surgery I'm going to try for this girl who i've liked for a fair amount of time; but i'm clueless about how to do it.

Original plan was to ask her if she wanted to go for a coffee or something at a local place for a bit of a catch-up (haven't seen her in person for a while, but we talk on FB), but I dunno any decent local places due to my lack of willingness to pay more for a small cup of liquid than it costs to make several large mugs of it at home.

I also dunno how to ask her, since the only medium of communication we have is currently... the internet. My phone has just about given up on life and my brother is too much of a **** to risk a landline (he's 15 and still finds it fun to eavesdrop, interrupt using other phones in the house etc. etc.).

Which ties in slightly to the thread; does it really matter how a guy asks a girl out somewhere? I mean, if a face-to-face ask is possible, then it might, but if it isn't and telephone is unlikely (because my aforementioned phone is all but dead, I have no numbers to transfer across to my dad's old phone that i'm using till I get a new one) then would someone really mind if you used a less personal means to simply organise it?

The best that could happen is that they politely decline (I have low expectations so I don't die as much inside when things don't go as hoped) with the worst being that they go silent and either don't reply, or reply with those "Yeah, I think you're creepy and you're going to stalk me..." undertones hidden by a facade (cba with the fancy 'c') of politeness that inevitably ends with eeeeeeeveryone knowing that I asked her and communication being cut off because they no longer wish to acknowledge my existence (which i'm used to by now).

So should I do it? Give it a go? Yes/no/maybe so?

Avatar 720 wrote:Well; i've decided to bite the bullet and take the plunge. I'm going to have the surgery I'm going to try for this girl who i've liked for a fair amount of time; but i'm clueless about how to do it.

Original plan was to ask her if she wanted to go for a coffee or something at a local place for a bit of a catch-up (haven't seen her in person for a while, but we talk on FB), but I dunno any decent local places due to my lack of willingness to pay more for a small cup of liquid than it costs to make several large mugs of it at home.

I also dunno how to ask her, since the only medium of communication we have is currently... the internet. My phone has just about given up on life and my brother is too much of a **** to risk a landline (he's 15 and still finds it fun to eavesdrop, interrupt using other phones in the house etc. etc.).

Which ties in slightly to the thread; does it really matter how a guy asks a girl out somewhere? I mean, if a face-to-face ask is possible, then it might, but if it isn't and telephone is unlikely (because my aforementioned phone is all but dead, I have no numbers to transfer across to my dad's old phone that i'm using till I get a new one) then would someone really mind if you used a less personal means to simply organise it?

The best that could happen is that they politely decline (I have low expectations so I don't die as much inside when things don't go as hoped) with the worst being that they go silent and either don't reply, or reply with those "Yeah, I think you're creepy and you're going to stalk me..." undertones hidden by a facade (cba with the fancy 'c') of politeness that inevitably ends with eeeeeeeveryone knowing that I asked her and communication being cut off because they no longer wish to acknowledge my existence (which i'm used to by now).

So should I do it? Give it a go? Yes/no/maybe so?

Never EVER use facebook. EVER.
But yes do it.

DOOOO EEEEETTTTTTT!!!!

Of course you should give it a go...nothing ventured..nothing gained,faint heart never won fair maid..etc,etc,etc.

If you've been talking via facebook, then simply PM her, although face-to-face is preferable. You might as well try. You never know. A quick word of advice though- man up and prepare to pay for a coffee shop trip. It could be the best investment you ever make.

Avatar 720 wrote:Well; i've decided to bite the bullet and take the plunge. I'm going to have the surgery I'm going to try for this girl who i've liked for a fair amount of time; but i'm clueless about how to do it.

Original plan was to ask her if she wanted to go for a coffee or something at a local place for a bit of a catch-up (haven't seen her in person for a while, but we talk on FB), but I dunno any decent local places due to my lack of willingness to pay more for a small cup of liquid than it costs to make several large mugs of it at home.

I also dunno how to ask her, since the only medium of communication we have is currently... the internet. My phone has just about given up on life and my brother is too much of a **** to risk a landline (he's 15 and still finds it fun to eavesdrop, interrupt using other phones in the house etc. etc.).

Which ties in slightly to the thread; does it really matter how a guy asks a girl out somewhere? I mean, if a face-to-face ask is possible, then it might, but if it isn't and telephone is unlikely (because my aforementioned phone is all but dead, I have no numbers to transfer across to my dad's old phone that i'm using till I get a new one) then would someone really mind if you used a less personal means to simply organise it?

The best that could happen is that they politely decline (I have low expectations so I don't die as much inside when things don't go as hoped) with the worst being that they go silent and either don't reply, or reply with those "Yeah, I think you're creepy and you're going to stalk me..." undertones hidden by a facade (cba with the fancy 'c') of politeness that inevitably ends with eeeeeeeveryone knowing that I asked her and communication being cut off because they no longer wish to acknowledge my existence (which i'm used to by now).

So should I do it? Give it a go? Yes/no/maybe so?

DO IT.

man up and prepare to pay for a coffee shop trip.

That was the only thing I was sure about to be honest

It seems like there's a pretty unanimous decision on whether to do it or not (though I may be wrong ¬.¬) but the major conflict is how:

I wasn't thinking FB straight away, but thus far i've been told not to use it and yes, do use it (since the internet is my only means >.< ), so I need moar info!

How do you normally communicate with her?...

If it's over Facebook,then I would see nothing wrong with sending her a message saying "Hey,I was wondering if you'd like to go for a cup of coffee sometime?"

Although face to face is always preferable,if it's not an option at the moment,go with the message.

Actually, there would be nothing wrong with asking her to coffee on facebook, just whatever you do, don't make it a date. If you were to, let's say, ask her to coffee just because you felt like coffee or something (insert generic but valid excuse as to why you would want coffee with her), AND THEN ask her out to a date at the movies while at your coffee meeting, you should be golden.

Avatar 720 wrote:

man up and prepare to pay for a coffee shop trip.

That was the only thing I was sure about to be honest

It seems like there's a pretty unanimous decision on whether to do it or not (though I may be wrong ¬.¬) but the major conflict is how:

I wasn't thinking FB straight away, but thus far i've been told not to use it and yes, do use it (since the internet is my only means >.< ), so I need moar info!

Find an intermediary in real life and talk via them.

That's how I got a GF. It's quite good

Also, dont go too fast. That usually ruins everything.

FB is the main source of comms since I left college for this apprenticeship, so an FB message is the easiest way of doing it. Face to face would require monitoring, planning and might actually be seen as a little stalkerish xD

chowderhead13 wrote:

Avatar 720 wrote:

man up and prepare to pay for a coffee shop trip.

That was the only thing I was sure about to be honest

It seems like there's a pretty unanimous decision on whether to do it or not (though I may be wrong ¬.¬) but the major conflict is how:

I wasn't thinking FB straight away, but thus far i've been told not to use it and yes, do use it (since the internet is my only means >.< ), so I need moar info!

Find an intermediary in real life and talk via them.

That's how I got a GF. It's quite good

No need for him to turn this into Cyrano.

Oddly enough, I like facebook.

Mostly because it's a great indicator. If a person is obsessed about facebook and tries to get me to sign up, I know I probably don't want to get too close to them anyway ^.^

Quite convenient.

Melissia wrote:Oddly enough, I like facebook.

Mostly because it's a great indicator. If a person is obsessed about facebook and tries to get me to sign up, I know I probably don't want to get too close to them anyway ^.^

Quite convenient.

I still believe the "old ways" are best when it comes to asking someone out...pick up a phone and call,talk with them in person.
But..then again,my generation didn't have the benefit of "the internets" when it came to social contact/dating...we had to actually interact on a "closer" level.

I would rather propose a date to his or her face than on the phone. It's more personal that way, and for some reason my voice and manner of speaking doesn't really carry that well over phone lines.

I've always preferred face to face as well,just seems to work out much better.

Though I suppose in this "Modern age" one must utilize what resources one has at their disposal.

FITZZ wrote:

Melissia wrote:Oddly enough, I like facebook.

Mostly because it's a great indicator. If a person is obsessed about facebook and tries to get me to sign up, I know I probably don't want to get too close to them anyway ^.^

Quite convenient.

I still believe the "old ways" are best when it comes to asking someone out...pick up a phone and call,talk with them in person.
But..then again,my generation didn't have the benefit of "the internets" when it came to social contact/dating...we had to actually interact on a "closer" level.

Obsession with facebook seems a little strange (yeah, i'll use it, but not for 100% everything 100% of the time) and it really is an indicator if they get you to sign up and you find out they prefer to update umpteen times per minute.

As for asking someone out, I prefer face-to-face too; it allows emotions to be read better etc. but for times when that's not possible and nor is calling, the internet can be a fairly reliable last chance attempt, and you only really need to do it once if you can arrange next meet-ups at the end of the first, though that itself can make you seem over-eager to some people.

Avatar 720 wrote:FB is the main source of comms since I left college for this apprenticeship, so an FB message is the easiest way of doing it. Face to face would require monitoring, planning and might actually be seen as a little stalkerish xD

Honestly, asking for coffee by facebook is kind of a cop-out and smacks of insincerity and a lack of imagination or even an awareness of this girl as a person.

Firstly, internet or texting should be the last method for asking her. If speaking face to face is impossible, pick up your dieing phone and make a call. It's more personal and shows that you actually are confident enough to ask her directly.

Secondly, "coffee" dates are so blah. Do you know anything about this girl at all? What does she like to do? Does she like art or history? Is there a museum nearby? If so, try something like this, "Hey, I was thinking about going to the XYZ museum to check out the ABC exhibit, but I really didn't want to go by myself. I remembered that you were into ABC, so I thought it might be fun to go together."

Show confidence without arrogance and a genuine interest in what the girl finds fun/interesting/intriguing will get you a thousand times farther than sending a Facebook message invitation for coffee. (I mean seriously, how many of those Facebook messages get sent every day? 500,000?) Do something to set yourself apart from all the other guys by being direct and polite and appealing to the girls interests.

Lastly, contribute to the conversation, but don't dominate it. Let her talk as much as she wants and pay attention to what she's saying. Fill in the conversation as you need to, answer her questions simply and honestly while asking your own to keep her talking. It's amazing how good a conversationalist she will think you are if you merely let her talk and show that you are interested in what she's saying. Also, don't feel obligated to fill in the natural silences that happen during an outing with a girl; if the two of you can feel comfortable together even while every second isn't being filled with chatter, then there is a real chemistry there.

{edited twice for spelling/grammar}

pick up your dieing phone and make a call.

It has no numbers on it for a start, I did mention that.

Secondly, "coffee" dates are so blah.

It isn't a date, it's a catch-up that could develop a point where I could ask if she wants to go somewhere at some point face-to-face.

There's also no (good) history or art stuff that isn't in Manchester; it isn't the USA where there's an Exhibit on every corner and a museum on every block

Next best thing is the cinema really, but I don't know if there's anything she wants to see (which is something I could ask her face-to-face during the catch-up).

Avatar 720 wrote:

pick up your dieing phone and make a call.

It has no numbers on it for a start, I did mention that.

Secondly, "coffee" dates are so blah.

It isn't a date, it's a catch-up that could develop a point where I could ask if she wants to go somewhere at some point face-to-face.

There's also no (good) history or art stuff that isn't in Manchester; it isn't the USA where there's an Exhibit on every corner and a museum on every block

Next best thing is the cinema really, but I don't know if there's anything she wants to see (which is something I could ask her face-to-face during the catch-up).

A coffee "meeting" to catch up is a good start,it places you in a face to face situation from which the conversation can suggest your next "move",if you find yourself discussing film & current movies,it's a perfect segway into asking her out to see a film,same with discussions on cuisine leading to a possible invotation to go out for a meal...the opportunities present themselves as the conversation is made.

Slarg232 wrote:Actually, there would be nothing wrong with asking her to coffee on facebook, just whatever you do, don't make it a date. If you were to, let's say, ask her to coffee just because you felt like coffee or something (insert generic but valid excuse as to why you would want coffee with her), AND THEN ask her out to a date at the movies while at your coffee meeting, you should be golden.

Solid, solid advice. +10 Cannerus points You also get the benefit of seeing if there's chemistry before you really ask. I'd say don't make the excuse if you don't have to, just indicate that "you'd like to" if she probes.

Beyond that, I think Facebook is fine for casual non-date sort of date. In person is ideal, but whatever means available I say. One big thing: if she seems interested, keep a strong face on. You do NOT want to get friend zoned. Seem confident, be yourself, and emphasize your strong qualities and that you're comfy with who you are. Be the one chased, because it's always better that way. I can give you specifics if anyone feels like I'm encouraging you to be some macho douchebag.

@Sal: He's not proposing to the girl of his dreams, he's just trying to break into the relationship scene Let the young enjoy their time.

Hey, I'm just trying to give solid advice.

Contrary to most guy's way of thinking, women really aren't impressed by being asked out by e-mail or text messages. It's almost as bad as getting someone else to do it for you.

Companies like Men's Health Magazine and Cosmo are always dong surveys about this kind of thing. Women, by and large, consider e-mails and texting to be way too impersonal. They'd rather hear your voice.

If you absolutely must make the first move over Facebook, ask for her number so that you can talk and reconnect sometime. From there, you can ask to go do something together. It's far more real that way, and women appreciate that, regardless of whether it's the "love of your life" or just someone you want to hook up with, or anything in between.

Saldiven wrote:


Companies like Men's Health Magazine and Cosmo are always dong surveys about this kind of thing. Women, by and large, consider e-mails and texting to be way too impersonal. They'd rather hear your voice.

I lol'd at the typo, Cosmo is interested in dong serveys

If it'd be hard to talk to them otherwise, use facebook, but phone is preferred. I did the initial ask in person, then when face to face was impossible, details and further conversations were had through FB.

I would also disgree with the idea that new modes of communication are impersonal, if the female in question is savvy in such means of communication, why would she consider that impersonal? Now using too much internet slang will make you seem like a dork who can't disengage from the web for while.

Contrary to most guy's way of thinking

I doubt even 'most' men think it's 'impressive'; surveys done by glossy mags are a load of BS, especially those that like to generalise based off the results of a tiny handful of men/women that were probably hand-picked by staff instead of asked at random. What they do is like going into a smoker's area and saying you surveyed 10 people who were in favour of lifting the smoking ban, or going into an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and saying that 80% of all males are actively trying to quit drinking, because you interviewed 5 people and 1 guy wasn't.

All these surveys and studies done on people up and down the country to gauge people's ways of thinking baffle me, as neither I nor anybody I know have been interviewed for these things, in fact, i reckon I could stand in the middle of town and survey 500 people that walk by me and still come out with a majority 'No, i've never been surveyed before now'.

As for me, IM and crap has always been a last resort, and this is a last resort situation. My mobile phone is knacked, my landline is bugged by my brother who listens in eagerly and there's little chance of seeing her face-to-face without arranging something, which brings us back to the problem of arranging it.

Trust me, please, i'm not a complete newbie to this stuff, and other people have already confirmed that this situation is calling for a last resort option. I'd prefer to be face-to-face or even on the phellytone, but that can't happen right now.