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I wish the named characters in the upcoming Tau codex will actually be good.
My grandfather told many awesome jokes, this was one of them: (...people with a weak constitution should not read.)
Spoiler:
I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water & tableware; he too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters, waitresses, busboys, etc. had spoons in their pockets.When our waiter returned to take our order, I just had to ask, "Why the spoons?" "Well," he explained, "our parent company recently hired some AndersenConsulting efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and aftermonths of statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons dropspoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil; at a frequency of 3 spoons per hour per workstation. By preparing all our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time... nearly 1.5 extra man-hours per shift. Just as he concluded, a "ch-ching" came from the table behind him, and he quickly replaced a fallen spoon with the one from his pocket." I'll grab another spoon the next time I'm in the kitchen instead ofmaking a special trip," he proudly explained.I was impressed. "Thanks. I had to ask." "No problem," he answered, then he continued to take our orders.As the members of my dinner party took their turns, my eyes dartedback & forth from each person ordering and my menu. That's when, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a thin, black thread protruding from our waiter's fly. Again, I dismissed it; yet I had to scan the room and, sure enough, there were other waiters & busboys with strings hanging out of their trousers.My curiosity overrode discretion at this point, so before he could leave I had to ask. "Excuse me, but... uh... why, or what... about that string?" "Oh, yeah" he began in a quieter tone. "Not many people are that observant. That same efficiency group found we could save time in the Men's room, too." "How's that, I asked?" "You see, by tying a string to the end of our, eh. . ., selves, we canpull it out at the urinals literally hands-free and thereby eliminatethe need to wash our hands, cutting time spent in the restroom by over93%!" "Oh, that makes sense," I said, but then thinking through theprocess, I asked, "Hey, wait a minute. If the string helps you pull it out, how do you get it back in?" "Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the other guys; but I usethe spoon in my pocket"!
This message was edited 4 times. Last update was at 2011/01/14 13:25:19
Granted. The two people there who play are a 14 year old boy and his annoying 10 year old sister who insisted that her army has a hello kitty motif.
I've changed my mind about the ice. I want it to go away now.
painted: 12 dryads,9 glade guard,2 glade guard scouts.
assembled but unpainted: 2 glade guard and the lord's bowman, 8 glade guard scouts, sexy elf lord
in the box: , 8 glade riders, , one female spellsinger, Orion, Ariel, the faerie queen. SOB immolator, 15 sisters.
Granted. They try to shovel snow, but can't because of their weakling bodies. Also, they charge extra, because you caused great discomfort for them by separating them from the internet for more than a minute.
I wish people on the internet would know how to use your and you're.
Granted. You're right you know, your grammer is flawless. Soon everyone begins typing flawlessly, and you have nothing to complain about.
Somehow you are bored now.
Granted. You know why, but not how you know. You only know that you know because you know. Upon investigating this cyclical logic, your brain explodes.
I wish it wasn't 1:59am.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2011/01/13 15:00:56
granted however he soon realizes that you just need a good slap over the head.He leaves with everything and your girlfriend.
I wish for some of the nice chocolate.
DEAR SHOE,
THAT'S RIGHT YOU ARE A SHOE. THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT NOT BEING A SHOE BECAUSE IN MY MIND YOU ARE ONE AND THAT IS MOST UNFORTUNATE.
AS LONG AS I HAVE YOU CONCEPTUALIZED AS A SHOE IN MY IMAGINATION YOU SHALL REMAIN AS SUCH.
THIS MAKES ME WONDER WHETHER ALL PEOPLES AND OBJECTS CAN BE CONCEPTUALIZED AS SHOES AND THUS BECOME SUCH, GRANTING ME ABSOLUTE POWER OVER THEM. DO YOU HAVE A CLEVER ARGUMENT? NO YOU DON'T, YOU"RE A SHOE. SHOES CAN'T HAVE CLEVER ARGUMENTS.
I FEEL LIKE THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD HAS BEEN LIFTED OFF MY SHOULDERS NOW THAT EVERYTHING IS UNDER MY CONTROL, NOW THAT YOU ARE ALL SHOES. I NO LONGER HAVE TO ANSWER TO MY REGRETS AND PAST MISTAKES BECAUSE THEY ARE SIMPLY SHOES.
www.romanticallyapocalyptic.com
