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Granted. Then Blap walks up and stops it anyway.

I wish for STUFFED CRUST PIZZA IN A TOASTER INSIDE MY BRAINS!

Granted, except that it is applied retroactively and has been there your entire life, meaning your brain couldn't function well enough to form the wish in the first place. This places you into a paradox loop of time, which leads reality to vomit you out of itself and into non-existence, much like a human body expelling the contents of an upset stomach.

I wish for the "Eye of the Beholder" episode of the Twilight Zone to be on the T.V. the next time I turn it on.

Granted, except the the actors suck, and the Beholder is bad CGI.
I wish I could flip tables at enemies with the strength of a hundred men.

Granted, but you nail a hotty with the table and her boyfriend turns out to be a russian bodybuilder

I wish bass only music didn't exist

Ok. No music. Ever.

I wish my coursework was already done.

Granted, a toddler did it. You fail everything and have to repeat the year.

I wish I had no exams

granted you sleep through them and fail holding you back a year.

i wish for tottenham to get 3rd

Granted.

But after that they are immediatly replaced with dribbling toddlers.

I wish for coke.

Granted, but you're arrested by the feds for possession of an illegal substance.

I wish the weekend was longer.

Granted. Time gets fethed up and the Time/Space Continueum crumbles and the.universe as we know.it.comes to an end.

You never get payed. Always weekend.

I wish Coolyo294 understood i meant the drink.

Granted, but now I think you want a drink made out of cocaine.

I wish Terms of Enrampagement was an actual movie.

Granted. But its insanely aweful.

I wish Coolyo294 knows i mean the famous drink coca cola.

Granted, he does, but ignores the fact anyway.

I wish I was not here

Granted, but you are in Iraq.

I wish for $21,000,000 AUS.

Granted, but you're arrested for stealing the money from a bank.

I wish I had Niko Bellic's phone.

Can you say "Explosion? I know you can.

I wish I had a woodchipper.

Granted. You have a woodchipper and find out the hard way what happens when you reach in too far to clear a jam.
I wish for a nice vacation.

Granted. Too nice. The vacation, while lovely, cost insane amounts of money plunging you into never before seen amounts of debt, destroying your life completly.

I wish for a necron security force.

Granted, but it turns out they all run on Windows 95

I wish for more TheRoborLol in my life

Granted, he follows you everywhere - never more than 3 paces from you, and you can't get rid of him.

I wish I could pass exams without having to attend them.

Granted. your clone eventually decides that since it did all the work, you need not exist...

I wish we all lived in the world of the Paranoia RPG.

Time for another rousing round of "We all live in a paranoid RPG, a paranoid RPG, a paranoid RPG".

Gotta love the Beatles.

I wish I knew what it was in Raid that's strong enough to kill cockroaches.

Granted. Through experience. You get a nasty faceful of the stuff.

I wish for a 40k army of leerdammer ghost things.

Granted. I come round your house and cut them up to put onto my Ritz crackers.

I wish I could reach the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Granted, but the leprechaun guarding it kills you.

I wish the Thousand Sons would wipe out the Speshh Puppies.

Granted but the Space wolves take revenge on the Thousand sons, wiping them out for killing their puppies.

I wish for mangos.

Granted. There is a delivery mix up and you end up with oranges. ORANGEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!

I wish for too much awesome.

TOO. MUCH. AWESOME!!!! The Universe implodes on itself from the awesome.

No wish, COME AT ME BRO!