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Nofasse 'Eadhunta wrote:Here's something you don't ever want to hear,

Please kill me.

"Look! Blood!"

An actual true story that happened to my friend and Im pretty sure he didnt like it.

Kevin: Your army just went to save yarrick...he was surrounded by orks at the bottom of the stairs.

Chris: Where was my army?

Kevin: At the top of the stairs, they took the fastest route.

Chris: AAAAARRRRRRGHHH

Another game when we were using proxys (and unfair ones) in a mega battle of 8 people.

Mark: This elephant gun bullet is actually a nuclear missile...whatever it touches gets removed from the table.

Everyone: ok

(rolls the bullet over Chris's entire army)

Chris: Thats not fair

Everyone: Nah, we all agreed. You can play in the next game.

It was a long time ago when we did pretty nasty things to each others armies. Feel sorry for him now though.

IG Bob: Hey jones, Ive heard a rumour around the camp... apprently were getting some relief.. Somthing called an ex-termie-arty or somthing

IG Jones: Oh yeah... I hope it gets here soon.. these nids are eating us alive out here!

SM: May faith protect you & the emperour guide you...*leaves*

IG Bob:.. hey wait, where are the astartes boys going..what, why are the thunderhawks leaving?

something you dont want to hear in battle:

"So, there once was a black and white space marine on a black and white bike...."


or





yeah.. ya dont wanna hear that on the battlefield

That is classic! Made me laugh out loud!

You are so many times wittier than i am.

sadly, i cannot take the blame, or claim for that poster... i just saved it from another thread, either here or on B&C.


i actually thought id bring out the trolls and flame monsters over the "black/white marine on black/white bike" remark

"KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! Hey, they're retreating? Kharn? Kharn, what are you-

One IG to another "Hey did you hear? 2nd Platoon's giving us their Comissar! What nice guys!"

CHAOS LORD:Karn where are the recruits we left them with you for 2 minutes where are they?

Karn:Well,there's a leg and look its,raining fine mist and oh yeah,theres the rest of them there..

CHAOS LORD:Where?

Karn:Over there and there,and here!

Chaos lord to new recruit: and thats Kharne, he's a really nice guy, but my advice *switches to whispering* dont give him a flamer....

If I were a Dark Eldar Archon, these are some things I wouldn't want to hear.

Haemonculus: Lord, we have sent in the first wave of reinforcements. But there was a problem... it seems most of the Raiders have crashed.
Me: What?! Why's that?!
Haemonculus: The wind changed, my lord...

Me (to Dracon): Get into combat! What are you doing?!
Dracon: *mumbles* THE BEES. ALWAYS BUZZING! ha-HA! I'm out the window! *dives head-first off Raider*
Me: Damn combat drugs...

Ensis Ferrae wrote:"So, there once was a black and white space marine on a black and white bike...."

Seamus O'Shank wrote:THE BEES. ALWAYS BUZZING!

There's a spider on your ear!

*pin drop*

Noise Marine: WHAT!? WHAT WAS THAT!!!!

You wouldn't want this:

^

Also, as anything other than Orkz, you wouldn't want to hear "WWAAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!"

Tzeentch horrors: "Blood for the blood god!" (charge)

Grunt: "Well, sir, I have good news, and I have bad news"
Commiasar: "whats they good news?"
Grunt: The Traitor Scum have retreated."
Commisar: "What is the Bad news"
Grunt: "Well, a tyranid hive fleet is comeing from the Galactic East, an ork Waaaaaagh! from the west, the fleet just left, and your wife called. Seems she wants a divorce."

*During a battle with EC vs. IG*

Priest (to his Guardsman): I will WHIP the first of you that retreats!

Entire EC Company: "Ooooh" "Me next!" "No me!" "His robe turns me on even more" "I'm hungry" "Touch me" "Omg omg omg here it comes!" "Keep it in your pants!" "Gasp!" *Shoots previous Marine* "I love you" *pin drop* 'WHAT?! WHAT WAS THAT!!!" "Shh, it's okay, daddy's here" "Open up, baby, here it comes!" "Feels good!"

Priest:.......I wish I wasn't Fearless....

IG commander to commisar: with the new Xenos threat we're fighting, I'm issuing you a new weapon, hand over your bolt pistol.

*hands over pistol*

"ok. AANNNND here's your new plasma pistol. ohh, and do be careful with it, it tends to overheat just abit, nothing to worry about."

IG Officer: Look out, Warp Spiders!

IG General to Command Staff: "We just received a message from Inquisitor Lord Smith stating that he will be arriving today with three regiments of Inquisitorial Storm Troopers and 5,000 SOB to reinforce us and take this planet from Chaos! Plus the Navy is getting a major task group of several Battleships and escorts to control the high orbits! "
Head Commissar to all: "Attack!"

"Okay boys I've got some good news and some bad news"

"Let's hear the good news first sarge"

"Well, that's the bad news, there isn't actually any good news... and we're all gonna die"

Ammo out!

*During a massive Ork incursion*

Guardsman: Sir! I've got some good news and some bad news.

Officer: What's the good news?

Guardsman: The Inquisition Flagships are coming!

Officer: And the bad?

Guardsman: The Inquisition Warships are coming...

Officer: What are you talking about? That can't possibly be good news AND bad news unless they were---oh no...

As a chaos space marine


"Wait... why is Kharn retreating?"

*On a planet where Traitor Guardsman are looking to go back to erving the Emperor*

Traitor Guardsman 1: Look! Up in the sky! An armada of Thunderhawks!

Traitor Guardsman 2: They heard our pleas for forgiveness! We can redeem ourselves!

Traitor Guardsman 1: And they're flying straight for us! They've seen us! We're saved!

Traitor Guardsman 2: Look at those Assault Cannons, there must be a Chaos incursion somewhere!

*The guns start spinning*

Traitor Guardsman 1: Wait, I think WE'RE that Chaos incursion!

<CRASH>

"I told you to support that plywood better."

IG: There is going to be a cold snap during tonights offensive.