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2014/05/08 03:37:40
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Trick question; the light from the Sisters of Battle's burning monastery is more than enough.
Pft. He killed Sisters one time. And then he did a really nice job the WD codex.
Change "Ward" to "GW Writers" and you'd be dead on though.
Sanctuary 101. Never forget.
Actually, Sanctuary 101 just came about from a (reportedly lopsided) battle report back when the Necrons were introduced. It was Sisters vs Necrons, Necrons won, and it ended up getting intergrated into the fluff as the Imperium's first contact with the Necrons. And even then, after Hammer and Anvil... Well, the Sisters very much get their own back.
Yeah. I love the bit where they [REDACTED] the hollow [READACTED] and recover the titular [REDACTED] which confused the Cryptek to no end on why it's so important to them.
Yeah, I assume everyone here has read the book but I don't want to ruin the good bits for anyone who hasn't.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Funniest thing I can think of is a rather die hard Eldar player complain about how how stuck up Sisters are and how he doesn't like them.
No, I don't mean Happyjew either, this is something I ran into on another board.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/05/08 03:39:02
2014/05/08 05:20:09
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Remember. Matt ward is on a payroll. Why are you pissing on him when you know damn right someone is paying him for that work, and probably reviewing his work and returning it to him to make corrections. I have no respect for people who piss on Matt ward because of the things he penned for gw.... The buck stops at gw, pointless to get your knickers in a bunch because of him, and it shows petty you are.
15 successful trades as a buyer;
16 successful trades as a seller;
To glimpse the future, you must look to the past and understand it. Names may change, but human behavior repeats itself. Prophetic insight is nothing more than profound hindsight.
It doesn't matter how bloody far the apple falls from the tree. If the apple fell off of a Granny Smith, that apple is going to grow into a Granny bloody Smith. The only difference is whether that apple grows in the shade of the tree it fell from.
2014/05/08 05:31:10
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
poda_t wrote: Remember. Matt ward is on a payroll. Why are you pissing on him when you know damn right someone is paying him for that work, and probably reviewing his work and returning it to him to make corrections. I have no respect for people who piss on Matt ward because of the things he penned for gw.... The buck stops at gw, pointless to get your knickers in a bunch because of him, and it shows petty you are.
Pft, you're in the wrong thread to get all uppity because some people don't like Matt Ward. The man wrote the fluff for our WD Codex (and it was one of his best works at the time too!), so most of us in here aren't holding things against him that much. Bloodtide was more poorly explained than really an intentional slight. Some small additions to the story would have made it read a lot better (add in a bit about "not wanting to risk the Sisters becoming corrupted and turning on them due to the Bloodtide" being the reason why they cut them down (or even have the Sisters willingly martyr themselves) and add a bit about the use of the Sister's blood specifically to honor their service and to allow them to still fight back against the Bloodtide and it'd be pretty good instead of just "ehhhh").
Seriously, if anyone is being petty I'd say it's the person who rode into a thread poking fun an army (and by extension GW) by the people who play that army to defend an author who really isn't getting the kind of trash talk that your post should be aimed at (go back in time to 2011 and go fight those people instead, there were a LOT more "Ward Sucks" threads back then).
2014/05/08 09:39:06
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Trick question; the light from the Sisters of Battle's burning monastery is more than enough.
Pft. He killed Sisters one time. And then he did a really nice job the WD codex.
Change "Ward" to "GW Writers" and you'd be dead on though.
Sanctuary 101. Never forget.
Actually, Sanctuary 101 just came about from a (reportedly lopsided) battle report back when the Necrons were introduced. It was Sisters vs Necrons, Necrons won, and it ended up getting intergrated into the fluff as the Imperium's first contact with the Necrons. And even then, after Hammer and Anvil... Well, the Sisters very much get their own back.
Yeah. I love the bit where they [REDACTED] the hollow [READACTED] and recover the titular [REDACTED] which confused the Cryptek to no end on why it's so important to them.
Yeah, I assume everyone here has read the book but I don't want to ruin the good bits for anyone who hasn't.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Funniest thing I can think of is a rather die hard Eldar player complain about how how stuck up Sisters are and how he doesn't like them.
No, I don't mean Happyjew either, this is something I ran into on another board.
Well...I don't like them. They wet their nests.
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/05/08 12:51:04
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Wait, what? Um, let's call a moratorium on this discussion and get back to the funny stuff.
BURN IT DOWN BURN IT DOWN BABY BURN IT DOWN
Psienesis wrote: Well, if you check out Sister Sydney's homebrew/expansion rules, you'll find all kinds of units the Sisters could have, that fit with the theme of the Sisters (as a tabletop army) perfectly well, and are damn-near-perfectly balanced.
(Scene: Chaplain Grimaldus is sitting at his desk, bored. He picks up a dataslate and begins a search for tips from other chaplains on daily devotional prayers and rituals.)
Grimaldus: "One Weird Trick Can Help You Lose 10 kilograms? WEIRD TRICK? HERESY!"
(Grimaldus brings his crozius down on both dataslate and desk, smashing both into hundreds of splinters.)
veho sicut tu furabar
2014/05/08 14:52:53
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Also, Clockwork, I liked it but I had to fix the Black Templar accent for you:
PaperworkNinja wrote: (Scene: Chaplain Grimaldus is sitting at his desk, bored. He picks up a dataslate and begins a search for tips from other chaplains on daily devotional prayers and rituals.)
Grimaldus: "Vun Veird Trick Kann Helf You Loose Zehn Kilogramz? VEIRD TRICK? Das ist ein HERESY!"
(Grimaldus brings his crozius down on both dataslate and desk, smashing both into hundreds of splinters.)
There we go.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/05/08 16:13:14
BURN IT DOWN BURN IT DOWN BABY BURN IT DOWN
Psienesis wrote: Well, if you check out Sister Sydney's homebrew/expansion rules, you'll find all kinds of units the Sisters could have, that fit with the theme of the Sisters (as a tabletop army) perfectly well, and are damn-near-perfectly balanced.
(Scene: A Novice and a Cannoness are riding horses through a field of flowers)
Novice: "Cannoness, do you ever feel... not so pure?"
Cannoness: "No. I do not. The Ruinous Powers have no truck with my feelings."
Novice: "Oh."
Cannoness: "That's because I use new Repentex!"
Voiceover: "That's right, Repentex! Unlike other spiritual salves and unguents, Repentex has a soul-searing burning sensation that lets you know all of those impure thoughts and feelings are being purged right out!"
Novice: "Goodness! I suppose it DOES have a tingling sensation, Cannoness."
Cannoness: "You're supposed to immerse yourself in a vat of it, Novice. Take her away."
Novice: "Eh?"
(The novice is snatched off of her horse by two Seraphim and dropped into a vat of Repentex. Pain ensues.)
Cannoness: "That's better."
(The former novice's horse is now being ridden by Darnath Lysander.)
Lysander: "Appropriate for Sororitas, yes, but I like it, too!"
Voiceover: "Repentex. For those 'not so pure' moments in your life. Chant for it by name. Repentex."
veho sicut tu furabar
2014/05/08 17:17:26
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Okay, now I am actually, literally laughing out loud. FOR WHICH I REFUSE TO USE THE INTERNET ACRONYM DAMMIT.
BURN IT DOWN BURN IT DOWN BABY BURN IT DOWN
Psienesis wrote: Well, if you check out Sister Sydney's homebrew/expansion rules, you'll find all kinds of units the Sisters could have, that fit with the theme of the Sisters (as a tabletop army) perfectly well, and are damn-near-perfectly balanced.
Someone is going to be rolling over in their grave for this. I am not sorry.
Spoiler:
Marneus: Well Gorius, I'm going to Macragge with you. You know Roboute Guiliman, the Ultramarine's primarch, gave me a job as Chapter Master for as long as you're in the army.
Gorius: Look Marneus, if you're the Chapter Master, you must know all the Astartes.
Marneus: I certainly do.
Gorius: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's fighting with us.
Marneus: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these Space Marines now-a-days very peculiar names.
Gorius: You mean funny names?
Marneus: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean...
Gorius: His brother Daffy.
Marneus: Daffy Dean...
Gorius: And their French cousin.
Marneus: French?
Gorius: Goofè.
Marneus: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have in command, Who's the Master of the Forge, What's the Chaplain, I Don't Know is the Epistolary...
Gorius: That's what I want to find out.
Marneus: I say Who's the Master of the Forge, What's the Chaplain, I Don't Know's the Epistolary.
Gorius: Are you the Chapter Master?
Marneus: Yes.
Gorius: You gonna be the Lord of Macragge too?
Marneus: Yes.
Gorius: And you don't know the fellows' names?
Marneus: Well I should.
Gorius: Well then who's the Master of the Forge?
Marneus: Yes.
Gorius: I mean the fellow's name.
Marneus: Who.
Gorius: The Master of the Forge.
Marneus: Who.
Gorius: The guy who leads the Techmarines.
Marneus: Who.
Gorius: The guy who...
Marneus: Who is the Master of the Forge!
Gorius: I'm asking YOU who's the Master of the Forge.
Marneus: That's the man's name.
Gorius: That's who's name?
Marneus: Yes.
Gorius: Well go ahead and tell me.
Marneus: That's it.
Gorius: That's who?
Marneus: Yes.
PAUSE
Gorius: Look, you gotta Master of the Forge?
Marneus: Certainly.
Gorius: Who's the Master of the Forge?
Marneus: That's right.
Gorius: When you pay off the Master of the Forge every month, who gets the money?
Marneus: Every dollar of it.
Gorius: All I'm trying to find out is the name of the chief weaponsmith.
Marneus: Who.
Gorius: The guy that gets...
Marneus: That's it.
Gorius: Who gets the money...
Marneus: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his servitor comes down and collects it.
Gorius: Who's servitor?
Marneus: Yes.
PAUSE
Marneus: What's wrong with that?
Gorius: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the Master of the Forge, how does he sign his name?
Marneus: Who.
Gorius: The guy.
Marneus: Who.
Gorius: How does he sign...
Marneus: That's how he signs it.
Gorius: Who?
Marneus: Yes.
PAUSE
Gorius: All I'm trying to find out is what's the name of the chief weaponsmith.
Marneus: No. What is the Chaplain.
Gorius: I'm not asking you who's the Chaplain.
Marneus: Who's the Master of the Forge.
Gorius: One commander at a time!
Marneus: Well, don't change the staff around.
Gorius: I'm not changing nobody!
Marneus: Take it easy, buddy.
Gorius: I'm only asking you, who's the chief weaponsmith?
Marneus: That's right.
Gorius: Ok.
Marneus: All right.
PAUSE
Gorius: What's the name of the chief weaponsmith?
Marneus: No. What is a Chaplain.
Gorius: I'm not asking you who's a Chaplain.
Marneus: Who's the Master of the Forge.
Gorius: I don't know.
Marneus: He's the Epistolary, we're not talking about him.
Gorius: Now how did I get in the Librarium?
Marneus: Why you mentioned his name.
Gorius: If I mentioned the Epistolary's name, who did I say is the Epistolary?
Marneus: No. Who's the Master of the Forge.
Gorius: What's the Master of the Forge?
Marneus: What's the Chaplain.
Gorius: I don't know.
Marneus: He's the Epistolary.
Gorius: There I go, back to the Librarium again!
PAUSE
Gorius: Would you just stay in the Librarium and don't leave it.
Marneus: All right, what do you want to know?
Gorius: Now who's the Epistolary?
Marneus: Why do you insist on putting Who in the Librarium?
Gorius: What am I putting in the Librarium.
Marneus: No. What is a Chaplain.
Gorius: You don't want who in the Chaplaincy?
Marneus: Who is the Master of the Forge.
Gorius: I don't know.
Marneus & Gorius Together: Epistolary!
PAUSE
Gorius: Look, you gotta Captain?
Marneus: Sure.
Gorius: The Captain's name?
Marneus: Why.
Gorius: I just thought I'd ask you.
Marneus: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Gorius: Then tell me who's the Captain.
Marneus: Who's the Master of the Forge.
Gorius: I'm not... stay out of the workshop! I want to know what's the Captain's name?
Marneus: No, What is the Chaplain.
Gorius: I'm not asking you who's the Chaplain.
Marneus: Who's the Master of the Forge!
Gorius: I don't know.
Marneus & Gorius Together: Epistolary!
PAUSE
Gorius: The Captain's name?
Marneus: Why.
Gorius: Because!
Marneus: Oh, he's the Chapter Champion.
PAUSE
Gorius: Look, You gotta Veteran Sergeant in this army?
Marneus: Sure.
Gorius: The Veteran Sergeant's name?
Marneus: Tomorrow.
Gorius: You don't want to tell me today?
Marneus: I'm telling you now.
Gorius: Then go ahead.
Marneus: Tomorrow!
Gorius: What time?
Marneus: What time what?
Gorius: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's the Veteran Sergeant?
Marneus: Now listen. Who is not a Sergeant.
Gorius: I'll break your arm, you say who's the Master of the Forge! I want to know what's the Veteran Sergeant's name?
Marneus: What's the Chaplain.
Gorius: I don't know.
Marneus & Gorius Together: Epistolary!
PAUSE
Gorius: Gotta Apothecary?
Marneus: Certainly.
Gorius: The Apothecary's name?
Marneus: Today.
Gorius: Today, and tomorrow's a Sergeant.
Marneus: Now you've got it.
Gorius: All we got is a couple of days in the army.
PAUSE
Gorius: You know I'm an Apothecary too.
Marneus: So they tell me.
Gorius: Let's say we land on a planet to confront a Greater Unclean One. We can't wait for tomorrow to attack so the Master of the Forge starts holding it back for us. I see he is getting pretty banged up so being a good soldier I whip out my Narthecium to do some field medicine. And I heal who?
Marneus: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Gorius: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
PAUSE
Marneus: That's all you have to do.
Gorius: Is to heal the Master of the Forge.
Marneus: Yes!
Gorius: Now who's healed?
Marneus: Naturally.
PAUSE
Gorius: Look, if I use my Narthecium on the Master of the Forge, somebody's gotta get be healed. Now who is healed?
Marneus: Naturally.
Gorius: Who?
Marneus: Naturally.
Gorius: Naturally?
Marneus: Naturally.
Gorius: So I pull out my Narthcium and I use it on Naturally.
Marneus: No you don't, you use it on Who.
Gorius: Naturally.
Marneus: That's different.
Gorius: That's what I said.
Marneus: You're not saying it...
Gorius: I use my skills to heal Naturally.
Marneus: You heal Who.
Gorius: Naturally.
Marneus: That's it.
Gorius: That's what I said!
Marneus: You ask me.
Gorius: I use my Narthecium on who?
Marneus: Naturally.
Gorius: Now you ask me.
Marneus: You use your Narthecium on Who?
Gorius: Naturally.
Marneus: That's it.
Gorius: Same as you! Same as YOU! I use my Narthecium on who. Whoever it is drops back and the Great Unclean One runs towards the Chaplain. Who takes his Power Axe and tosses it to What. What passes it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know lobs it over to Tomorrow, Tomorrow kills the Great Unclean One. A Bloodthirster gets up and runs at Because. Why? I don't know! He's the Epistolary and I don't give a darn!
Marneus: What?
Gorius: I said I don't give a darn!
Marneus: Oh, that's our Techmarine.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/05/08 19:49:32
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/05/08 20:22:06
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
That was a labor of love. Also it's funnier to me than the original because FETH BASEBALL I AM A GEEK.
BURN IT DOWN BURN IT DOWN BABY BURN IT DOWN
Psienesis wrote: Well, if you check out Sister Sydney's homebrew/expansion rules, you'll find all kinds of units the Sisters could have, that fit with the theme of the Sisters (as a tabletop army) perfectly well, and are damn-near-perfectly balanced.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/05/09 02:03:46
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/05/09 04:37:58
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
ClockworkZion, it would have been funnier to have said "There is nothing like a good "Who's on First" bit," as then I could have replied "And that was nothing like a good "Who's on First" bit. Dohohohoho."
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/05/09 12:56:37
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Happyjew wrote: ClockworkZion, it would have been funnier to have said "There is nothing like a good "Who's on First" bit," as then I could have replied "And that was nothing like a good "Who's on First" bit. Dohohohoho."
Fair enough, it's just that there aren't many versions of that bit, I mean there is the original, and the one I've posted below and that's it as far as I've read.
So maybe I'm just a little generous.
Automatically Appended Next Post: With all the skulls in 40k you have to wonder if this conversation ever occurs in the Imperium:
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2014/05/09 13:01:01
2014/05/09 13:28:03
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
@Ashiraya: Go ahead. Remember, stealing from one is Plagiarism. Stealing from many is Research.
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/05/09 14:37:38
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/05/09 14:56:25
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Happyjew wrote: It works just as well with Pen & Paper RPGs.
Same roles are used.
Fair enough!
I never called anyone the "Tank" in D&D though.
It varies. Some people do refer to Tanks/Controllers/Strikers etc (especially after the release of 4th ed). Others (like myself) who play MMOs just adapted the terms to make things easier.
For example, you are joining a group. You haven't made a character yet, so you e-mail the GM to find out what the group needs. Which gives better information?
1. We have a Rogue, a Druid and a Sorcerer.
2. In combat we've got a Tank, a Striker and a Battlefield Controller, another Tank would be great. Out of combat we need a party face. How about some kind of Melee character with some social skills?
However, I think we are detracting from the thread.
Ooh, got one.
How is a Sister of Battle like a writing desk?
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/05/09 16:32:53
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Happyjew wrote: How is a Sister of Battle like a writing desk?
"You carve your initials in her leg at school and 20 years later when you return you wonder "How did I not get in trouble for that?"
Not that I've ever done such a thing with a Sister of Battle. I mean, Sister Phosphoria-Alba and I haven't even held hands yet!" - Brother-Sergeant Voss, 8th Company, Dark Angels
