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2014/05/09 20:04:44
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
I don't know, friend Happyjew... How is a Sister of Battle like a writing desk?
Emperor's Eagles (undergoing Chapter reorganization)
Caledonian 95th (undergoing regimental reorganization)
Thousands Sons (undergoing Warband re--- wait, are any of my 40K armies playable?)
2014/05/09 20:23:35
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Because it can produce a few notes tho they are very flat.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/05/09 20:25:03
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/05/09 20:49:57
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Happyjew wrote: Someone is going to be rolling over in their grave for this. I am not sorry.
I hate you.
I'll buy you a beer if we ever meet.
Given the quality of some beers in the US, that's a valid punishment
And that is why I love Buffalo. Beer is cheap. Especially the Canadian beers.
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/05/09 22:10:50
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Happyjew wrote: Someone is going to be rolling over in their grave for this. I am not sorry.
I hate you.
I'll buy you a beer if we ever meet.
Given the quality of some beers in the US, that's a valid punishment
And that is why I love Buffalo. Beer is cheap. Especially the Canadian beers.
in many places in eastblockia, coke is more expensive than beer
15 successful trades as a buyer;
16 successful trades as a seller;
To glimpse the future, you must look to the past and understand it. Names may change, but human behavior repeats itself. Prophetic insight is nothing more than profound hindsight.
It doesn't matter how bloody far the apple falls from the tree. If the apple fell off of a Granny Smith, that apple is going to grow into a Granny bloody Smith. The only difference is whether that apple grows in the shade of the tree it fell from.
2014/05/09 22:22:01
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Unless of course you happen to have a coke factory just a few miles away.
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/05/09 23:35:21
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Happyjew wrote: Unless of course you happen to have a coke factory just a few miles away.
breweries are more common. And even then you'll have an easier time getting at peoples' home made brandy.
Koreander: Those guardsmen will get themselves killed out there! Raven: General, Duck! Guard: 'ay, 'e only responds to "sir". Raven: DUCK, sir! General: What duck? *boom* Koreander: Well, we tried....
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/05/09 23:36:25
15 successful trades as a buyer;
16 successful trades as a seller;
To glimpse the future, you must look to the past and understand it. Names may change, but human behavior repeats itself. Prophetic insight is nothing more than profound hindsight.
It doesn't matter how bloody far the apple falls from the tree. If the apple fell off of a Granny Smith, that apple is going to grow into a Granny bloody Smith. The only difference is whether that apple grows in the shade of the tree it fell from.
2014/05/10 00:01:17
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Psienesis wrote: Except the "sororitas" word itself. Which is Latin. For "Sisterhood". Which is what the Adeptus Sororitas is.
"Astartes" just means "stars"... from the Crowleian "Ordo Templi Astartes"... either that or it's a reference to the Assyrian goddess Astarte, who was adopted from the Sumerian goddess Inanna, or the Babylonian goddess Ishtar, all of whom were goddesses of war, sex and fertility.
Heretic you accept there are other gods!?!?!
A haiku, by Deadpool: I hate broccoli / And think it totally sucks / Why is it not meat?
2014/05/10 09:10:57
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Psienesis wrote: Except the "sororitas" word itself. Which is Latin. For "Sisterhood". Which is what the Adeptus Sororitas is.
"Astartes" just means "stars"... from the Crowleian "Ordo Templi Astartes"... either that or it's a reference to the Assyrian goddess Astarte, who was adopted from the Sumerian goddess Inanna, or the Babylonian goddess Ishtar, all of whom were goddesses of war, sex and fertility.
Voiceover: "You are watching Mandatory Family Hour on Imperial Vizcasting One. The time is 1900 hours."
Announcer: "It's time once again for CHAPLAIN DAD!"
Choir: "He's a Dark Angels chaplain who lived alone"
(Scene of Asmodai interrogating a Fallen, then sighing sadly)
Choir: "Until one day when he came home"
(Asmodai walks to his personal cell, which for some reason has a freshly-painted picket fence in front of the door)
Choir: "He found two orphans placed in front of his door"
(Asmodai picks up two baskets each containing a baby and smiles joyously)
Choir: "And knew in his heart he had room for mooooorrrrre! That's Chaplain Dad! That's CHAPLAIN DAD!"
(The scene shifts where Asmodai is eating breakfast with a group of boisterous children all around him. One child accidentally smites another's breakfast with a crozius arcanum, an Asmodai smiles at the little scamp, then hands him off to a nearby Techmarine for mind-wiping.)
Choir: "He's a single chaplain just doing the best he can! Raising lots kids and crushing the Enemies of Man! That's CHAPLAIN DAD!"
(Asmodai stand out in front of his picket fence with his kids, some of whom have obviously been recently mind-wiped. The opening credits fade in on the Asmodai household as the Interrogator-Chaplain is coming home from a busy day of purging the Fallen)
Asmodai: "CHILDREN! PRESENT YOURSELVES FOR INSPECTION!"
(A harried-looking Sister of Battle comes walking in to applause and whistles and the occasional catcall)
Sister Beatifica: "Oh, Interrogator-Chaplain Asmodai, it's been an exasperating day!"
Asmodai: "WHERE ARE THE CHILDR- wait, let me remove this helmet- ah, there we go! Where are my darling charges, anyway, Sister Beatifica?"
Sister Beatifica: "They're performing their chores. Castor's been down all afternoon, though. Could you go find out what's wrong?"
Asmodai: "If I couldn't find something out, I'd have to turn in my black beads and submit to mind-wiping!"
(The laugh track sounds)
Sister Beatifica: "Castor's over there polishing his servo-skulls."
(Asmodai strides grimly over to Castor.)
Asmodai: "Castor. What darkness has taken root in your heart and troubles you so?"
Castor: "Aw, gee, Chaplain Dad, I missed three answers on my quiz today at Schola and got a B!"
Asmodai: "I see. Need I remind you that 'B' stands for 'HERESY' in my house, young man? Go submit yourself to mind-wiping and I'll send you off to Armageddon without supper!"
Castor: "But, gosh, Chaplain Dad, can't I just go right to the penal battalions without getting mind-wiped? My head still hurts from the last time!"
Asmodai: "No. Now go pack your things!"
Castor: "Gee whiz, I never get to go fight the Ruinous Powers without getting mind-wiped first."
Sister Beatifica: "Asmodai, don't you think you're being awfully hard on the Castor?"
Asmodai: "He Who Reigns From Earth has no need for imperfect servants."
Sister Beatifica: "But Asmodai, what about when the Dark Angels-"
(SIGNAL INTERRUPTED - PLEASE STAND BY)
A Completely-Different Sister Beatifica: "destroyed the forces of Horus in the Notonanychartsis Sector, who then destroyed Caliban in a cowardly act of revenge?"
Asmodai: "I suppose I was a little too harsh on the little rascal. Castor! Front and center!"
(Castor comes back into the scene.)
Castor: "Yes, Chaplain Dad?"
Asmodai: "Sister Beatifica brought up a good point about learning from your mistakes. So this time I'll just send you to the penal battalions without mind-wiping you."
Castor: "Gee, thanks, Chaplain Dad! I'll crush the Enemies of Man with even greater vigor this time! The penal battalion will hold the line!"
Asmodai: "Well, just don't lose your head over it, Castor!"
Castor: "You're the most merciful Chaplain Dad ever!"
(Asmodai hugs the boy to the sounds of "D'awwww" as a recently-mindwiped Repentia runs past shouting "Pancakes! PANCAKES AND REDEMPTION!")
Voiceover: "You are watching Mandatory Family Hour on Imperial Vizcasting One. The time is 1900 hours."
Announcer: "It's time once again for CHAPLAIN DAD!"
Choir: "He's a Dark Angels chaplain who lived alone"
(Scene of Asmodai interrogating a Fallen, then sighing sadly)
Choir: "Until one day when he came home"
(Asmodai walks to his personal cell, which for some reason has a freshly-painted picket fence in front of the door)
Choir: "He found two orphans placed in front of his door"
(Asmodai picks up two baskets each containing a baby and smiles joyously)
Choir: "And knew in his heart he had room for mooooorrrrre! That's Chaplain Dad! That's CHAPLAIN DAD!"
(The scene shifts where Asmodai is eating breakfast with a group of boisterous children all around him. One child accidentally smites another's breakfast with a crozius arcanum, an Asmodai smiles at the little scamp, then hands him off to a nearby Techmarine for mind-wiping.)
Choir: "He's a single chaplain just doing the best he can! Raising lots kids and crushing the Enemies of Man! That's CHAPLAIN DAD!"
(Asmodai stand out in front of his picket fence with his kids, some of whom have obviously been recently mind-wiped. The opening credits fade in on the Asmodai household as the Interrogator-Chaplain is coming home from a busy day of purging the Fallen)
Asmodai: "CHILDREN! PRESENT YOURSELVES FOR INSPECTION!"
(A harried-looking Sister of Battle comes walking in to applause and whistles and the occasional catcall)
Sister Beatifica: "Oh, Interrogator-Chaplain Asmodai, it's been an exasperating day!"
Asmodai: "WHERE ARE THE CHILDR- wait, let me remove this helmet- ah, there we go! Where are my darling charges, anyway, Sister Beatifica?"
Sister Beatifica: "They're performing their chores. Castor's been down all afternoon, though. Could you go find out what's wrong?"
Asmodai: "If I couldn't find something out, I'd have to turn in my black beads and submit to mind-wiping!"
(The laugh track sounds)
Sister Beatifica: "Castor's over there polishing his servo-skulls."
(Asmodai strides grimly over to Castor.)
Asmodai: "Castor. What darkness has taken root in your heart and troubles you so?"
Castor: "Aw, gee, Chaplain Dad, I missed three answers on my quiz today at Schola and got a B!"
Asmodai: "I see. Need I remind you that 'B' stands for 'HERESY' in my house, young man? Go submit yourself to mind-wiping and I'll send you off to Armageddon without supper!"
Castor: "But, gosh, Chaplain Dad, can't I just go right to the penal battalions without getting mind-wiped? My head still hurts from the last time!"
Asmodai: "No. Now go pack your things!"
Castor: "Gee whiz, I never get to go fight the Ruinous Powers without getting mind-wiped first."
Sister Beatifica: "Asmodai, don't you think you're being awfully hard on the Castor?"
Asmodai: "He Who Reigns From Earth has no need for imperfect servants."
Sister Beatifica: "But Asmodai, what about when the Dark Angels-"
(SIGNAL INTERRUPTED - PLEASE STAND BY)
A Completely-Different Sister Beatifica: "destroyed the forces of Horus in the Notonanychartsis Sector, who then destroyed Caliban in a cowardly act of revenge?"
Asmodai: "I suppose I was a little too harsh on the little rascal. Castor! Front and center!"
(Castor comes back into the scene.)
Castor: "Yes, Chaplain Dad?"
Asmodai: "Sister Beatifica brought up a good point about learning from your mistakes. So this time I'll just send you to the penal battalions without mind-wiping you."
Castor: "Gee, thanks, Chaplain Dad! I'll crush the Enemies of Man with even greater vigor this time! The penal battalion will hold the line!"
Asmodai: "Well, just don't lose your head over it, Castor!"
Castor: "You're the most merciful Chaplain Dad ever!"
(Asmodai hugs the boy to the sounds of "D'awwww" as a recently-mindwiped Repentia runs past shouting "Pancakes! PANCAKES AND REDEMPTION!")
PaperworkNinja wrote: Sister Beatifica: "Asmodai, don't you think you're being awfully hard on the Castor?"
Asmodai: "He Who Reigns From Earth has no need for imperfect servants."
Sister Beatifica: "But Asmodai, what about when the Dark Angels-"
(SIGNAL INTERRUPTED - PLEASE STAND BY)
A Completely-Different Sister Beatifica: "destroyed the forces of Horus in the Notonanychartsis Sector, who then destroyed Caliban in a cowardly act of revenge?"
Asmodai: "I suppose I was a little too harsh on the little rascal. Castor! Front and center!"
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/05/12 19:05:00
BURN IT DOWN BURN IT DOWN BABY BURN IT DOWN
Psienesis wrote: Well, if you check out Sister Sydney's homebrew/expansion rules, you'll find all kinds of units the Sisters could have, that fit with the theme of the Sisters (as a tabletop army) perfectly well, and are damn-near-perfectly balanced.
PaperworkNinja wrote: (A nervous Sister is peeking around a wall, her flamethrower at the ready)
"Who can cleanse the whole world with her fire?"
(The sister spots a nearby group of Chaos cannon fodder and covers them with burning promethium. She may also be cackling madly.)
Who can smite the heretics, and fight her way through rusty barbed wire?
(The Sister puts a bolter shell through the head of a heretic who was trying to summon a demon)
Well it's you, Sister, you should know it
(The SIster teaches a group of novices how to properly smite an Ork with a chainsword)
With each heresy stamped out the Emperor rewards you
(The Sister prays at a nearby shrine)
War is all around, but you can take them
(The Sister does a drive-by with a Repressor)
Orks, Eldar, heretics, girl you can take them
(The Sister fights back to back with a Space Marine from the Salamanders, who gives her a thumbs up as she sets a Striking Scorpion on fire)
You're gonna smite them one and all!
(The Sister then puts a bolt through the torso of a heretical Marine of the Rainbow Warriors)
Smite them, Ave Imperator!
(The Sister spins around joyously on a huge mound of heretic corpses and throws her helmet into the air)
Voiceover: "The Sister Mary Tyrant Mortis Show... weeknights at 1830!"
Not sure whether I should laugh or cry...
Emperor's Eagles (undergoing Chapter reorganization)
Caledonian 95th (undergoing regimental reorganization)
Thousands Sons (undergoing Warband re--- wait, are any of my 40K armies playable?)
2014/05/14 21:41:15
Subject: Re:Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Mary Tyrant Mortis.... oh merciful Throne help me....
BURN IT DOWN BURN IT DOWN BABY BURN IT DOWN
Psienesis wrote: Well, if you check out Sister Sydney's homebrew/expansion rules, you'll find all kinds of units the Sisters could have, that fit with the theme of the Sisters (as a tabletop army) perfectly well, and are damn-near-perfectly balanced.
Yesterday I played against Sisters for the first time ever (with some Inquisitor allies). 1750 points, I ran my Nids.
I got tabled. It was absolutely beautiful. I killed maybe 10 models total and did a bit of damage to one of two Immolators. The other one passed every single one of its friggin Shield of Faith rolls. I now realize that Shield of Faith is completely OP (not really).
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/05/15 01:29:54
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Psienesis wrote: Well, if you check out Sister Sydney's homebrew/expansion rules, you'll find all kinds of units the Sisters could have, that fit with the theme of the Sisters (as a tabletop army) perfectly well, and are damn-near-perfectly balanced.
Too many people fail to understand, nobody plays sisters because they are expensive as feth and got little diversity, not due to power-that's the one thing they got done right.
can neither confirm nor deny I lost track of what I've got right now.
2014/05/15 10:17:07
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Do you mean that Sisters are on par with other armies in the power department? I wholly disagree. Not in my meta, at least.
"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1
2014/05/15 10:19:16
Subject: Re:Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1
2014/05/15 10:50:48
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
I've only ever seen them played once (Before their current mini-dex) and I was on the same side so I didn't exactly feel their wrath as it were.
They did a pretty decent job of it, it was nice to have some heavy troops to back up my admittedly rather squelchy guardsmen.
Dakka Bingo! By Ouze "You are the best at flying things"-Kanluwen
"Further proof that Purple is a fething brilliant super villain " -KingCracker
"Purp.. Im pretty sure I have a gun than can reach you...."-Nicorex
"That's not really an apocalypse. That's just Europe."-Grakmar
"almost as good as winning free cake at the tea drinking contest for an Englishman." -Reds8n
Seal up your lips and give no words but mum.
Equip, Reload. Do violence.
Watch for Gerry.
2014/05/15 11:51:40
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
SISTER KORIANDER: Guys, I know this seems backward, but in this thread, it's serious discussion that is off topic and random jokes that are on topic, m'kay!
SISTER RAVEN: Be funny or we'll kill you.
KHARN: Punchlines for the punch throne!
SISTER RAVEN: What.
KHARN: Hiya, toots.
SISTER RAVEN: What. Are. You. Doing. Here?
SISTER KORIANDER: He's a great guy!
BURN IT DOWN BURN IT DOWN BABY BURN IT DOWN
Psienesis wrote: Well, if you check out Sister Sydney's homebrew/expansion rules, you'll find all kinds of units the Sisters could have, that fit with the theme of the Sisters (as a tabletop army) perfectly well, and are damn-near-perfectly balanced.
Emperor's Eagles (undergoing Chapter reorganization)
Caledonian 95th (undergoing regimental reorganization)
Thousands Sons (undergoing Warband re--- wait, are any of my 40K armies playable?) 
~4100
~1660
can neither confirm nor deny I lost track of what I've got right now.