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2014/05/15 12:05:33
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
The burning pits of Hades, also known as Sweden in summer
SisterSydney wrote: SISTER KORIANDER: Guys, I know this seems backward, but in this thread, it's serious discussion that is off topic and random jokes that are on topic, m'kay!
SISTER RAVEN: Be funny or we'll kill you.
KHARN: Punchlines for the punch throne!
SISTER RAVEN: What.
KHARN: Hiya, tools.
SISTER RAVEN: What. Are. You. Doing. Here?
SISTER KORIANDER: He's a great guy!
But Kharn wouldn't say a mean thing like that! He's a great guy!
BURN IT DOWN BURN IT DOWN BABY BURN IT DOWN
Psienesis wrote: Well, if you check out Sister Sydney's homebrew/expansion rules, you'll find all kinds of units the Sisters could have, that fit with the theme of the Sisters (as a tabletop army) perfectly well, and are damn-near-perfectly balanced.
(At a remote sensor station, a Grey Hunter of the Space Wolves notices a blip on the sensorium readout screen. He strides out the door with a hunting horn and blows it to sound the alarm)
Logan Grimnar: "EEEEEEEEYABBA DABBA- erm, SPACE WOLVES! TO BATTLE!"
(Grimnar then slides down the spine of a skeletonized Hive Tyrant and leaps onto a waiting Land Speeder)
Space Wolves
Meet the Space Wolves
They're a wacky horde of Space Marines
From the world of Fenris
They go and do space Viking things
Let's fly with Logan Grimnar and his fleet
So the Emperor's foes will know defeat
Fighting with the Space Wolves
You'll have a dakka dakka boom time
A wolf and doom time
You'll have a wolfing tiiiiiime!
Sister Koriander: "Oh, I do so love jaunty Space Marine marching dirges!"
Sister Raven: "Kill me."
Kharn: "Hey!"
Sister Raven: "Figure of speech, heretic."
Kharn: "Awww..."
(Kharn slumps his shoulders and walks away sadly.)
veho sicut tu furabar
2014/05/15 14:42:51
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Psienesis wrote: Well, if you check out Sister Sydney's homebrew/expansion rules, you'll find all kinds of units the Sisters could have, that fit with the theme of the Sisters (as a tabletop army) perfectly well, and are damn-near-perfectly balanced.
Sister Koriander: "Oh, joyous day! We get to answer reader mail! An 'M. Calgar' writes: Dear Sisters: when you are done with your daily duties do you... you know... blow off some steam with, say, 'pillow fighting tactica practice?' Yours, M. Calgar"
Sister Raven (with a nervous tic): "No. We. Do. Not. Ahem. Let me answer your letter with another letter: Dear M. Calgar: How do you type with those stupid power fists on your hands? Yours, S. Raven."
Sister Koriander: "Oh, I'm sure he doesn't do any typing. He has scribes to- BWAAAAHHH!"
(Sister Koriander is swatted in the face with a large feather pillow)
Kharn (wearing pajamas covered in cuddly cartoon versions of Khornate creatures): "Pillow fiiiiiight!"
Sister Raven: "NO. BAD KHARN. NO PILLOW FIGHTING."
Kharn: "Awww..."
(Kharn's shoulder slump as he walks away sadly.)
Sister Raven: "Please do not ask us about pillow fights, boys, Astartes, the rippling muscles of Astartes covered in a thin layer of sweat and almost as thin workout clothes, what Sisters do on their own time, anything that might be fun and thus obviously heretical, the plumbing service access tunnel that coincidentally carries hot water pipes to the Imperial Fists' showers, or any other question that provides a glimpse into the private lives of Humanity's monastic warrior orders. Seriously."
Sister Koriander: "Oh you mean Tunnel 53-0751-04, the one filled with all of those dodgy bits of missing mosaic tiles?"
Sister Raven: "SHH! We are some of humanity's finest warriors, sacrificing everything we have and denying ourselves our very wants in the Emperor's name!"
(Sister Koriander gives Sister Raven the big puppy eyes look.)
Sister Raven: "Okay, FINE. Have your stupid pillow fight."
SIster Koriander: "Yaaaay! Oh, Kharn!"
Sister Raven: "Some days it doesn't pay to leave the cloister."
veho sicut tu furabar
2014/05/16 06:19:01
Subject: Re:Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
There are things we do not speak of on this forum...
What's wrong with Cultist-chan?
Emperor's Eagles (undergoing Chapter reorganization)
Caledonian 95th (undergoing regimental reorganization)
Thousands Sons (undergoing Warband re--- wait, are any of my 40K armies playable?)
2014/05/16 17:13:19
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
*shrug* OK, so people have drawn some porn of her. They do that for a lot of people. Apart from that, she just seems like a fan character for people who don't take their 40K too seriously.
Emperor's Eagles (undergoing Chapter reorganization)
Caledonian 95th (undergoing regimental reorganization)
Thousands Sons (undergoing Warband re--- wait, are any of my 40K armies playable?)
2014/05/16 22:13:07
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
That was.... a surprisingly small amount of porn, actually, for something that originated on 4chan. My faith in humanity is restored, very slightly.
BURN IT DOWN BURN IT DOWN BABY BURN IT DOWN
Psienesis wrote: Well, if you check out Sister Sydney's homebrew/expansion rules, you'll find all kinds of units the Sisters could have, that fit with the theme of the Sisters (as a tabletop army) perfectly well, and are damn-near-perfectly balanced.
Yesterday I played against Sisters for the first time ever (with some Inquisitor allies). 1750 points, I ran my Nids.
I got tabled. It was absolutely beautiful. I killed maybe 10 models total and did a bit of damage to one of two Immolators. The other one passed every single one of its friggin Shield of Faith rolls. I now realize that Shield of Faith is completely OP (not really).
Congrats on finally getting to play against the Sisters! Hopefully now you understand your heretical xenos witch like ways and repent. With fire.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
BoomWolf wrote: Want me to ruin it? the real bad stuff are in story form, not picture form.
Just like in ward and SoB XD
I hate to say it but when Ward penned Sisters he did the BEST half of the WD codex we got. At the time it was his best work to date (and contained 0 drawings made in the margins in crayon!).
Automatically Appended Next Post: So Stickmonkey tentatively put Sisters on next year's update schedule. That's kind of funny because we all know Sisters are going to remain the only all metal army in 10th edition. The entire range will consist of the Sister with the grenade, a Melta Sister, a Storm Bolter Sister, a Flamer Sister, a Heavy Bolter Sister, a Multi-melta Sister, a Heavy Flamer Sister, one Seraphim (and not the one with the hand flamers), Jacobus, Celestine, a Canoness Model, half a Repentia, the Immolator Kit and the Exorcist. Everything else will have been phased out in a series of codexes.
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2014/05/17 05:56:53
2014/05/17 21:48:39
Subject: Re:Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
I will admit it is one of the more lame jokes I have. Here is one of my more controversial jokes for a change in pace.
The Swarmlord walks into a bar, seeing Lukas the Trickster and St. Celestine arguing out front. The Swarmlord orders a drink and eyes several of the Sororitas around the area, realizing that an Order must recently have gotten in on leave, and he might just get lucky tonight. Outside, he sees Lukas push Celestine into a puddle on the side of the street. She gets up, soaking wet and screams incoherently at him as she storms away from the Space Wolf. Lukas chuckles as he enters the bar and quickly orders a drink next to the Swarmlord.
He notices the Sisters have captured his attention and says, "So, eager to try the new stock?"
The Swarmlord shakes his head and replies, "I wish, most women can't get past the fact I have more than 2 arms. To be honest, I am more than a little surprised that you are so quick to throw away a relationship with someone as beautiful as that lady out there."
Lukas laughs and takes another sip. "If there is one thing I have learned from dating that woman, it's that no matter how many times I knock her down, she eventually gets right back up and comes back for more."
Krieger 1: "Did you hear about the Sisters who were entered into the Mandatory Fun Time Charity Drawing for the Orphaned Unfortunates of the Progenium Scholae? First prize was a week on the front lines of Vraks!"
Krieger 2: "That's awful! What was second prize?"
Krieger 1: "TWO weeks on the front lines of Vraks!"
Krieger 1 and 2: "DOHOHOHOHO!"
Commissar: (Shoots both Kriegers for Attempted Comedy)
veho sicut tu furabar
2014/05/19 20:58:03
Subject: Re:Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
PaperworkNinja wrote: Krieger 1: "Did you hear about the Sisters who were entered into the Mandatory Fun Time Charity Drawing for the Orphaned Unfortunates of the Progenium Scholae? First prize was a week on the front lines of Vraks!"
Krieger 2: "That's awful! What was second prize?"
Krieger 1: "TWO weeks on the front lines of Vraks!"
Krieger 1 and 2: "DOHOHOHOHO!"
Commissar: (Shoots both Kriegers for Attempted Comedy)
Could have been worse. The Sister could have been forced to read all these jokes.
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/05/19 20:58:40
Subject: Re:Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
There are so many Statler & Waldorf-style jokes on this thread now I'm starting to think of those two Muppets in nightmarish cyborg versions....
BURN IT DOWN BURN IT DOWN BABY BURN IT DOWN
Psienesis wrote: Well, if you check out Sister Sydney's homebrew/expansion rules, you'll find all kinds of units the Sisters could have, that fit with the theme of the Sisters (as a tabletop army) perfectly well, and are damn-near-perfectly balanced.
Brother Statler: "Even in death, we still endure!"
Brother Waldorf: "Yeah, endure these jokes!"
Both: "DOHOHO- crap."
Automatically Appended Next Post: Sister Raven (trying to catch some rays poolside despite being in full power armor): "Kori, what do you get when you cross a heated swimming pool with a Space Marine?"
Sister Koriander (also sunning herself while in full regalia): "Hmm... I don't know."
(A Space Marine pulls himself slowly and languidly out of the swimming pool as "Living In Stereo" by The Cars plays in the background. The girls stare as he towels the water off of his perfectly-built muscles. He seems a bit confused at the music playing around him but shrugs and continues drying himself off.)
Sister Raven: "A good start to our leave."
Sister Koriander: "I'm pretty sure I could have scrubbed my sleeping shifts clean on those abs."
Sister Raven: "Another Holy Mimosa?"
Sister Koriander: "The Emperor Provides!"
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2014/05/20 14:14:33
veho sicut tu furabar
2014/05/20 19:17:53
Subject: Re:Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Brother Statler: "Even in death, we still endure!"
Brother Waldorf: "Yeah, endure these jokes!"
Both: "DOHOHO- crap."
Ok, now I am forever going to imagine Ven Dreads as cranky old guys and mentally assign them voice actors ranging from Walter Matthau to Clint Eastwood.
BURN IT DOWN BURN IT DOWN BABY BURN IT DOWN
Psienesis wrote: Well, if you check out Sister Sydney's homebrew/expansion rules, you'll find all kinds of units the Sisters could have, that fit with the theme of the Sisters (as a tabletop army) perfectly well, and are damn-near-perfectly balanced.
Ok, now I am forever going to imagine Ven Dreads as cranky old guys and mentally assign them voice actors ranging from Walter Matthau to Clint Eastwood.
Hmm...I have a BT Dread hanging out with the Sisters of the Order of the Argent Blade in my DH campaign... I haven't given him a voice yet. This gives me ideas.
It is best to be a pessimist. You are usually right and, when you're wrong, you're pleasantly surprised.
2014/05/20 19:45:25
Subject: Re:Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Sister Koriander: "Oh, SIster Raven, this is a glorious respite with which the Emperor has blessed us! I could go for some recaf. May I get you a mug?"
Sister Raven: "Sounds good. Just remember: I like my recaf like I like my men."
Sister Koriander: "..."
Sister Raven: "With a spoon stuck in them from the top at a 60-degree angle."
Sister Koriander: "I... see."
Sister Raven: "What?"
veho sicut tu furabar
2014/05/21 01:44:48
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
Psienesis wrote: Well, if you check out Sister Sydney's homebrew/expansion rules, you'll find all kinds of units the Sisters could have, that fit with the theme of the Sisters (as a tabletop army) perfectly well, and are damn-near-perfectly balanced.
can neither confirm nor deny I lost track of what I've got right now. 
Emperor's Eagles (undergoing Chapter reorganization)
Caledonian 95th (undergoing regimental reorganization)
