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Heretics roasting on an open fire, meat-smoke filling up your nose...

Silver skulls, silver skulls, it's Emperor's Day in the hive city...

Rockin' around the hangin' tree, at the Emperor's Day hop -- traitors swing where you can see their eyeballs bulge and pop...

One of the wonderful things about our Imperium is all the different ways we find to give praise to our glorious God-Emperor! Let's all share how we celebrate His day on our homeworlds. I'll start!

On my homeworld, Yendys, the Cardinal has each district save up all its really good heretics all year -- the ones who did really horrible stuff for which a regular burning just won't do. Then on Emperor's Day we make a big bonfire!

Afterwards all the children sift through the ashes to see who can find a bone -- biggest intact fragment gets a prize! But all the kids love to take home their charred little treasures. Plus of course it wouldn't be fair to have the big kids and little kids compete, so we have one bonfire for the kids under six standard Terran years, one for the kids 6-12.

Then they bring out the Penitent Engines and have them drag sleighs! The kids love it and most of them even survive!

On my homeworld, Kar'vahoth, most of us know not of your puny Emperor, and instead worship Be'lakor.

So on Emperor's day, we search out the rebel scum (who think heretical thoughts such as "praise the Emperor", and why do that when you can worship Be'lakor?), and set up rituals to possess a few of their number so that we can have fun as they murder eachother whilst trying to "purge the daemon"!

EDIT: Sorry, but, what were you expecting a heretic to do?


Automatically Appended Next Post:
"Oh what fun it is to sing a heretic's song tonight!"

You -- you big meanie! How did a nasty heretic get in our nice holiday thread? Well, maybe when the Frateris finish the 12 Days of Pogroms, we can put them and some Sisters and priests on some BIG SHIPS and come bring you a belated Emperor's Day present of PURIFYING FLAME! All that'll be left of you THIS Emperor's Day will be the charcoal in your shoes, so there!

What did you say your planet's coordinates were again? Thanks!

emprah? punny pink skined 'umans. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.
gork and mork sayz ta smash da lot of dem!

On my planet yet another gold statue is made of the Emperor. A service takes place in his glory. Before everyone sits around a campfire and eat roast peanuts.
Infacf most Emperor days are inturuppted by a shout of "ORKS!!!" and everyone has to go war.

You guys too! You're BIG GREEN MEANIES! [Edit: I totally didn't mean YOU, Dakkajet! Your post must have popped up while I was typing! Your planet sounds cool. It must be great to get to fight for the God-Emperor on His Day of Days!]

Anyway, I just realized I, like, totally failed to tell everybody about the 12 Days of Pogroms! (I'm such a sillyhead sometimes). On Emperor's Day, all the Frateris Militia do a parade, and they drink a LOT of special eggnog, and then they get really brave and chase some abhumans through the streets and beat them to death!

It's great for everybody because afterwards you can totally go into their houses (the abhumans' houses, silly, not the militia's!) and take whatever you want, because when an abhuman dies in a pogrom, he, like, totally forfeits all his stuff. (I don't remember exactly but that's totally a law somewhere, an Arbites even told me so once!) If you're smart, like I am, you can pterasquirrel away some cool gifts for next Emperor's Day! It sure beats going to the mall and fighting the big crowds with a broken pipe!

wazrokk wrote:
emprah? punny pink skined 'umans. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.
gork and mork sayz ta smash da lot of dem!

Insulting the god Emperor on his very own thread! HERESY *BLAM*.

*stands aboard his flagship, the Vindicator of Faith, arrayed about him the combined might of the Imperial Navy.*

"It is by His Will that I decree Exterminatus upon the world of Kar'vahoth and consign uncounted souls unto oblivion, lost to His light. Let the Emperor's Justice account in all balance."

*Presses "The Button" and watches a planet shatter*.

"And now, Ten Forward will be hosting the Emperor's Day Feast for bridge and command staff. Enlisted personnel will have section celebrations by schedule in cargo holds five through nine."

 Psienesis wrote:
*stands aboard his flagship, the Vindicator of Faith, arrayed about him the combined might of the Imperial Navy.*

"It is by His Will that I decree Exterminatus upon the world of Kar'vahoth and consign uncounted souls unto oblivion, lost to His light. Let the Emperor's Justice account in all balance."

*Presses "The Button" and watches a planet shatter*.

"And now, Ten Forward will be hosting the Emperor's Day Feast for bridge and command staff. Enlisted personnel will have section celebrations by schedule in cargo holds five through nine."

Just as planned, now the Imperium of Man no longer believes my planet to exist...

All I have to do now is leave the exterminatus'd decoy where it is, and keep Kar'vahoth in the warp, where it's been for the past 5,000 years...

Well on my home world "enfield" we (the loyalists that is) enjoy roast grox served with the blood of the non mutated traitors and heretics. The day starts with every riflemen retrieving his Las-lock and 80 cartridges. Then we hunt some traitors until 1.00 for a light lunch, then have a driven Heathen shoot until 6.00 where we retire for dinner with tea, medals and pompous toasts of loyalty and honour. Got to honour the Emperor so you does, Says so in the scriptures so it does Sar!

We sculpt a statue of the Emperor in his prime, right down to every detail, so perfect it looks like the real deal... and then we cut off the head and put it in his crotch

We don't sit around on a planet, there's war to be done! But on the Emperor's Day, we gather on the Serpent's Revenge and sacrifice a suitable individual that we have captured beforehand. An Inquisitor, a Canoness, a Captain, whatever we find does not matter, all that matters is that they make nice sounds when mutilated, carved, chopped, stabbed, burned, castrated, partially liquified, and whatever we feel like.

"Wotz empras day?We cele...cele...We has GorkaMork day!Lets go stomp sumfing!"

^ Heretical Orkses Filth Sar! Company! Make Ready!!

Da krimson barun wrote:
"Wotz empras day?We cele...cele...We has GorkaMork day!Lets go stomp sumfing!"

You should change that to "Gork day" and "Mork day" as if the two gods share the day it would turn into a game of gorkamorka.

We get really confused when the presents come, because all of them are addressed to Alpharius, but all (and none) of us are Alpharius. We usually take the names off and give them anonymously to random planets, but every time we come to politely ask what the presents were, the planet is besieged by Chaos Cults. It's really quite strange.

Then we paint a bunch of guys blue and a bunch of guys red and play fun games in the twisted halls of a Space Hulk. But then sometimes the guys get confused and wind up getting stuck in a Thunderhawk with some Ultramarines or Blood Angels, and we don't see them again for ages! We still get letters from Alpharius. The Ultramarines still haven't realised he's one of them, even though he's a Daemon Prince*.

*

Sometimes my bolter runs around and tries to pull down all the decorations. I knew it was a bad sign when it sprouted legs and eyes, but I can't bring myself to get rid of the thing. I call it Steven and/or Alpharius.

Wine, women, and warhammer.

"Mind if we call you 'Alpharius' to keep things clear?"

4pm Free alcohol world wide.

6pm Imperial Guard recruiters head to bars.

8pm Everyone Dances

 SisterSydney wrote:
"Mind if we call you 'Alpharius'" to keep things clear?"

It's quite useful if you're ever looking for Alpharius, because he's already the closest person in proximity (or you).

An orgy, obviously. The Emperor needs servants, after all, and it is every imperial citizen's duty to partake in such actions.

By the way, what are those large ships doing in our orbit? They look oddly like battle cruisers...

The world of praetoria hunt large game at 6AM sharp. Give the slaves a 30 minute break at 10:AM. After lunch they do double marches from 1:00PM till 4:00pm to get the discipline back in the troops (and work off that excess tea and crumpet consumption). To top off the celebration they then play that weird horse golf game until dinner which is at 6:00PM.

End of Celebration. The next year is spent rebreeding the animals lost in the hunt.

I'm a Space Marine irl.

We celebrate Emperor's Day by having a massive homoerotic orgy of sparring, dueling, dueling while sparring, and naked greeko-roman mud-wrestling. The celebration ends with everyone playing the knockout game, and the last person still conscious has to clean up all the mess.

We subvert the followers of his zombie religion who blindly follow their evil overlords to come over to the greater good where technology is not feared.

Ok...wow...thats scary....

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(Kinda had to do Tyranids since my Tau reference was taken.)

On Cadia we load our Basilisks with cultists and shoot them at Chaos Space Marines. You'd be surprised how much damage spikes do when flying at such speeds.

On Heimat, there are massive feast and assorted war games, where captured enemies of the Emperor are forced to fight each other to the death. Also great idea for a thread.

Wondering how in the world I went from Skavenblight to some weird city with tall buildings and large statues. I think I'm lost.

Oh hey! There are some of those man-things there! Odd... they look kind of blue.

Maybe they will tell me where I am?

Planet-wide celebrations of the Emperor's divinity, of course. Customarily, these celebrations take the form of singing (Ecclesiarchial-approved hymns only) dancing (Ecclesiarchial-approved dances only) and prayers (to the Emperor only).

Any citizen found not to be celebrating shall be visited by His most holy Battle Sisters and forced to celebrate at gunpoint, before being publically burned at the stake as heretics. We simply cannot tolerate those who lack that Emperor's Day spirit, after all.

Also, there are far too many heretics in this thread. Would you all kindly provide the co-ordinates of your respective planets so that a holy crusade against them can be scheduled?

Even we here at the Chaos Marine Warband Hq (Space Hulk No. 85475 - Machinations Of Betrayal ) love Emperor's Day, and allow our Soldiers to shout "FOR THE EMPEROR" in battle for one day. (It is really fun, and confused our enemies to no end!) After that of course, we round up all the loyalists and hold a heresy trial were THEY are burned for worshiping The False Emperor!
(Guardsmen armor burns the best! )