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Would you even tell an aquaintance you play Warhammer?

Is it embarassing?

From an external viewpoint, does it look pretty sad?

Three golden quesstions I'd certainly love to know the answers to... A lot of you seem to be lucky enough to actually have spouses who play or tolerate 40k... I would assume that perhaps you unleashed the secret on them after allowing them to get committed? ;P

That's what worked for me. I didn't end up telling my girlfriend that I play until we'd been dating for over a year. She seems to be pretty good with it a year later.

She still likes to call me a nerd though. I can live with that.

My current GF (hopefully wife sometime soon) has no issues with it. She found my models when she was cleaning right after we moved in together, and I explained it to her that 40k is my hobby, its a stress reliever, and there's much worse things we could spend our money on, like booze and real crack, not the plasticy stuff we got. As long as I clean up after I'm done painting or playing, shes fine with it. And if a woman dosen't like what you do, and tries to get you to stop, she isn't for you anyway.

Honestly, if I feel the need to mention it I usually briefly explain how it makes me good with my hands. I'm rather brazen anyway, so it isn't embarassing. Chicks dig the deep, artistic types. Both times its come up while pursuing women it has been a boon. If it comes up in conversation with anyone else they are usually passingly interested.

My girlfriend knows, and doesn't really care. Hell, she got me into Star Trek so she's quite nerdy herself. I tried to get her into it (so we could have a "battle of the couples", my friend and his girlfriend play as well), but she's not really interested. She likes a few parts of the background though - especially the lack of traditional FTL communication and the reliance on astropaths.

If someone asks me to describe it, regardless of gender, I say, "You move little soldiers around, roll dice, and argue about rules" and leave it at that unless they take interest. I managed to get a female friend into the game and one other took interest.

These threads are always interesting.

The soon-to-be Mrs Manchu and I started dating over three years ago just as we had both moved to Michigan for law school. At that point, I had left all my hobbies behind along with my undergraduate days. So at the beginning of our relationship, both of us really only had each other for a "hobby," if you will. For us, I guess, that was a good thing. By winter, I was trying to get into a local D&D group and picking up 3.5 for the first time. Now the Missus isn't at all interested in anything like that (although I once caught her watching Episode III while I was napping--my reaction: "dammit, you could have woken me up, woman!") even though she did eventually give it a try. Thankfully, as I have since learned, she wanted nothing more to do with it. But as for how I "broke the news" that I was a dork into tabletop RPGs? Frankly, I didn't feel the need to explain myself. When she got around to asking about it, my response was something like "it's pretty fun because it's all about a bunch of people telling one big story." But I think she mostly thought it was an excuse to go hang out with new friends, which was admittedly a big part of it. By the next spring, I was getting back into 40k, picking up the occasional WD, and browsing the FLGSs and comic shops. It was like a Sunday ritual of ours: mass, lunch, then off to the dorky shops along with wherever she needed to go. I guess that helped break her into it as well. In fact, just the other day she mentioned missing going to those shops with me (we've since moved and the scene around Richmond, VA is rather lacking). In summary, my experience was all about being gradual. I guess you should start by being offhanded about it. Coming off as passionate about toy soldiers is only impressive to other wargamers . . . at least at first.

Why is 40k considered nerdy? I thought D and D was the nerdy game...

double post on my toast

Henners91 wrote:Would you even tell an aquaintance you play Warhammer?

I don't go out of my way to bring it up, any more than I go out of my way to mention that I have a cat, or that I like toast. If it comes up in conversation, it comes up, like anything else.

Is it embarassing?

Not even slightly. It's what I do.

From an external viewpoint, does it look pretty sad?

From my experience, most of the 'embarrassment factor' of wargaming and miniature-related hobbies comes from the insecurities of the people participating in them. The vast majority of people I've spoken to about my hobby over the years have, if not interested in doing it themselves, thought it was interesting. The few that haven't 'got' it were the 'jocks' too rooted in their own insecurities to have any imagination.

Gamers would have fewer problems with their hobby if they stopped being embarrassed about it and treating it like something shameful. If you treat it as normal, most of the people around you will do the same. If you hide it away, of course people will think it's weird. They pick up on how you present it.

A lot of you seem to be lucky enough to actually have spouses who play or tolerate 40k... I would assume that perhaps you unleashed the secret on them after allowing them to get committed? ;P

Nope. My fiance was a friend of a friend I was sharing a house with. The first time I met her was when she came over to get some help with a TAFE assignment from my housemate. The 6'x8' miniatures cabinet was pretty unmissable, given that it was right inside the front door.

If a girl is going to have issues with your hobbies, you might as well find out about it right up front. Hobbies are, from what I've seen over the years, one of the biggest relationship killers. So if that's going to be on the cards, it's better to find out before all the messy emotional involvement.

insaniak wrote:Gamers would have fewer problems with their hobby if they stopped being embarrassed about it and treating it like something shameful. If you treat it as normal, most of the people around you will do the same. If you hide it away, of course people will think it's weird. They pick up on how you present it.

QFT and wisdom. Some people are freakishly knowledgeable about sports stats. IMO, that's just as nerdy as rattling off stats from the codices. For whatever reason, the people who become gamers bring a lot of baggage with them to the hobby. As a result, there is an unfortunate stereotype of gamer nerdiness involving lack of social skills and hygiene. If a girl notices that you keep putting her intelligence down in relation to your own or haven't taken a shower in three days, you'll never have to worry about telling her you play 40k.

+1 to insaniak. Dont be embarassed about it as some of my coworkers have asked about it and seem intrigued by it. Even jocks can be intrigued by it. My younger brother being one of them to a point seems pretty interested by it and wants to try it. I hope to get him involved in it sometime when i get a chance. Just to clarify my brother is not your typical jock though he is really into sports as i was when i was his age. My brother is the type to make friends with anyone but hangs out with the jock crowd more often than not.

Agree heavily with insaniak and manchu. My girlfriend has no problem whatsoever with my 40K hobby. She has her own collections/artistic pursuits, so she doesn't judge me for mine. (plus, as insaniak said, it helps that I'm not embarrassed/insecure about my hobby) Also having a gf who likes sci-fi and violent FPS video gaming helps

Left my paints and minatures out on the kitchen table the first time that the GF (soon to be mrs Darkkt) came around. I figured best to get it out of the way - so no misunderstandings later on.

You tell them its a game you play. You tell them you enjoy the relaxing qualities it has, and the mental challenge. Along with the creativeness you get out of it. This only works if you paint your army and win almost all your games.

Seriously, if you are confident about it most girls wont give two gaks. Of course its also your personality. If you weigh 300 pounds, smell like cheese, and only leave your moms basement to play warhams chances are the girls you are getting are so desperate that they are beyond caring.

But most of us have friends who have nothing to do with gaming. All the girls that have seen my warhammer models have at most asked what they were and said nothing else. Just didnt care. The best was a girl who seemed to think my pink librarian paint job was kick ass, we had sex later that night. The worst was, "oh ive seen this before." Thats it.

Its all about your personality. A girl will never stop talking to you because you play warhammer. If you are a complete social slow/embarrassment then she will. But as I said above, the stereotypical neckbeard gets no action because hes a super nerd with nerdy hobbies. The normal guy who plays warhammer can because hes a normal guy with a nerdy hobby. My army case goes under my bed until saturday when I play. I dont even paint. So its not a big deal since its not what my life revolves around.

I usually explain it as "Chess, but way more complicated." If people want to know a little more, I tell them you paint the pieces your self, and that you can play with regular soldiers, Master-Chief kinda guys (if you think about it, Master-Chief is pretty much an Astartes with all the Grimdark removed) or basically the bugs from Starship troopers.

My current relationship situation is more of a feth buddies thing than a couple, so hobbies and stuff don't factor in like they do in a normal relationship. The subject has come up before. She's pretty much happy that I've got somewhere to go and do "man things," (the possibility that women might like it has so far escaped her,) and she thinks it's cool that there's painting involved. As it's been said, if playing Warhammer is a deal breaker for a potential partner, then one can be certain that other, more serious problems would likely arise down the road.

Commander Endova wrote:" (the possibility that women might like it has so far escaped her,)

I read this as you regretting she doesnt play, and if thats so you arent just feth buddies.

No reason to avoid discussing your hobby, but as Insaniak said, I never force the conversation of any of my hobbies on anyone. If I'm discussing it, someone is probably inquisitive about it.

Don't try to dress it up, we are playing with toy soldiers. This is an advanced version requiring painting, making terrain and rolling dice. No reason to keep you hobby a secret. Heck, I got back into 40k because my GF has several friends that play. She is not interested herself, as she describes painting/modeling as being too fiddly.

I'm kinda lucky though, cause despite rumors to the contrary, hot gamer chicks do exist. We play pen and paper RPGs together often, and she likes hanging out while I play 40k - they are her friends after all.

it only matters if they like you but they don't know you sometimes it ends badly.
My Gf dumped me. And then it happened again. Do not do what i do.

Vindicator#9 wrote:+1 to insaniak. Dont be embarassed about it as some of my coworkers have asked about it and seem intrigued by it. Even jocks can be intrigued by it. My younger brother being one of them to a point seems pretty interested by it and wants to try it. I hope to get him involved in it sometime when i get a chance. Just to clarify my brother is not your typical jock though he is really into sports as i was when i was his age. My brother is the type to make friends with anyone but hangs out with the jock crowd more often than not.

Agreed Im an insaine Rugby playing, book reading, wargamer, if any one has a problem with that i know that i can beat them mentally or physically. Its as easy as that.
At least we dont waist our time playing world of warcraft or using drugs, we could be worse.

The girlfriend knows, the first time I went to see her in Hong Kong I made a pilgramige to the GW shop.

As for how to explain it:

That joke needs a cameo appearance by Dark Eldar, K_K.

I found the 4 X 8 gaming table in my room in college came in handy for more than 40k, if you know what I mean.

Eidolon wrote:

Commander Endova wrote:" (the possibility that women might like it has so far escaped her,)

I read this as you regretting she doesnt play, and if thats so you arent just feth buddies.

No. She just thinks its a guy thing, akin to fishing, gun clubs and wrestling bears.

Funny thing is, I wish she and I were more then feth buddies. She doesn't want to be in a comitted relationship. I do. And yes I've already turned in my man card for that. = /

Manchu wrote:That joke needs a cameo appearance by Dark Eldar, K_K.

First I have 998 more chapters to cover.

Worst of all, 503 of them are painted black.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

skkipper wrote:I found the 4 X 8 gaming table in my room in college came in handy for more than 40k, if you know what I mean.

You played Epic?

Kid_Kyoto wrote:You played Epic?

How would you explain what Warhammer is to a member of the opposite sex?

"Competitive combat simulation in the polystyrene medium"

How would you explain what the opposite sex is to a member of Warhammer?

Spotted a little typo in your title.

Seriously though, it's a hobby. Up there with surfing and paintball. I guess some might love the creativity, and others will make fun of the nerds, while most would probably just roll thier eyes at the whole 'Grimdarkness' as a boyish thing. They'll come up with a much better idea...

Henners91 wrote:How would you explain what Warhammer is to a member of the opposite sex? You would look her in the eye, pretend she's a guy and speak to her like any other dude lol.

Would you even tell an aquaintance you play Warhammer?

Yeah.

Is it embarassing?

Not at all. Everyone has some kind of hobby - there are worse things than 40k.

From an external viewpoint, does it look pretty sad?

Only as mentioned if you look/act like a tool. It helps if you're hot, and hot guys do game, alot of girls think it's sexy

Ah yes. And then there are girls like binky and Morgrim...

"Girls like me" that's good right ?