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Direct hit XD

Brilliant!

Lol I love the Plasma one and the Jesus one! So hilarious! I am definitely planning on making a space marine devastator squad just for that!!!!

How about we start doing jokes?
Any good ones out there?

There was a Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike...

I said GOOD ones.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
And I don't like your sig. The words are to small and they hert my eyes.
Make them bigger and more spaced and then I will agrea with you.

What do you call a Black and White Space Marine on a Black And White Bike with a Laser Pen and a Lasgun?

Twin Linked

As for my sig, its standard DakkaDakka Size, I havent made it any smaller. If I make it bigger it gets cut off, and that would be no good would it!

Ok now that you have explained that hard mistery to me I AGREE with you GWAR. And didn't the world's most interesting man agree with you?

Probably.

What do you Call a Guardsman with Laser pen, Lasgun and Laser Sight?

Assault 4!

Wouldn't that be only assault 3?

sugna the repairible wrote:Wouldn't that be only assault 3?

Lasgun Fires 2 Shots

OH, and are we haveing a discussion on multiple threads?

Your have been tithed to the Imperial Guard.

Roll a D100

1 You are killed as a Heretic.
2-3 You are found to be a Psyker and sent to a Black Ship.
4-5 You given a bucket and a shovel and told to clean up after the Ogryn.
6-10 You are to be trained as an Officer.
11-15 You are handed a Lasgun, a Helmet, and a direction (forward) and become a conscript.
16-20 You are trained to operate a Vox Castor.
21-25 You are train as Sniper and given a Camo-Cloak.
26-30 You are trained with Special Weapons. Post Ending 0-2 (Flamer) 3-5 (Grenade Launcher) 6-7 (Meltagun) 8-9 (Plasma Gun)
31-35 You are trained with Heavy Weapons. Post End 0-1 (Heavy Flamer) 2-3 (Mortar) 4-5 (Heavy Bolter) 6-7 (Auto-Cannon) 8 (Missile Launcher) 9 (Lascannon)
36-55 You are trained with a Lasgun and Frag Grenades, and given Flak Armor.
56-60 You are given Carapace Armor, a Shotgun, Grenades, and Melta-Bombs and then trained to be an elite grenadier.
61-65 Valkyrie Pilot
66-70 Chimera Diver
71-75 Scout Sentinel Driver
76-80 Armored Sentinel Driver
81-85 Leman Russ Tank Driver
86-90 Leman Russ Tank Gunner
91-95 Leman Russ Tank Commander
96-97 You have been selected to go to Terrax and train to be a Commissar.
98-99 An Inquisitor take you as his Acolyte.
100 An Inquisitor has decided to send you to a Shrine World to become a "comfort" to the SoB.


I rolled an 84. The second time, I rolled an 81. I must REALLY want to be a Leman Russ driver.

MasticatorDeelux wrote:Your have been tithed to the Imperial Guard.

Roll a D100

1 You are killed as a Heretic.
2-3 You are found to be a Psyker and sent to a Black Ship.
4-5 You given a bucket and a shovel and told to clean up after the Ogryn.
6-10 You are to be trained as an Officer.
11-15 You are handed a Lasgun, a Helmet, and a direction (forward) and become a conscript.
16-20 You are trained to operate a Vox Castor.
21-25 You are train as Sniper and given a Camo-Cloak.
26-30 You are trained with Special Weapons. Post Ending 0-2 (Flamer) 3-5 (Grenade Launcher) 6-7 (Meltagun) 8-9 (Plasma Gun)
31-35 You are trained with Heavy Weapons. Post End 0-1 (Heavy Flamer) 2-3 (Mortar) 4-5 (Heavy Bolter) 6-7 (Auto-Cannon) 8 (Missile Launcher) 9 (Lascannon)
36-55 You are trained with a Lasgun and Frag Grenades, and given Flak Armor.
56-60 You are given Carapace Armor, a Shotgun, Grenades, and Melta-Bombs and then trained to be an elite grenadier.
61-65 Valkyrie Pilot
66-70 Chimera Diver
71-75 Scout Sentinel Driver
76-80 Armored Sentinel Driver
81-85 Leman Russ Tank Driver
86-90 Leman Russ Tank Gunner
91-95 Leman Russ Tank Commander
96-97 You have been selected to go to Terrax and train to be a Commissar.
98-99 An Inquisitor take you as his Acolyte.
100 An Inquisitor has decided to send you to a Shrine World to become a "comfort" to the SoB.


I rolled an 84. The second time, I rolled an 81. I must REALLY want to be a Leman Russ driver.

I gave it a whirl. 96 and 99. I'm a commissar working for the Inquisition... does that make me Ciaphas Cain?

MasticatorDeelux wrote:Your have been tithed to the Imperial Guard.

Roll a D100

1 You are killed as a Heretic.
2-3 You are found to be a Psyker and sent to a Black Ship.
4-5 You given a bucket and a shovel and told to clean up after the Ogryn.
6-10 You are to be trained as an Officer.
11-15 You are handed a Lasgun, a Helmet, and a direction (forward) and become a conscript.
16-20 You are trained to operate a Vox Castor.
21-25 You are train as Sniper and given a Camo-Cloak.
26-30 You are trained with Special Weapons. Post Ending 0-2 (Flamer) 3-5 (Grenade Launcher) 6-7 (Meltagun) 8-9 (Plasma Gun)
31-35 You are trained with Heavy Weapons. Post End 0-1 (Heavy Flamer) 2-3 (Mortar) 4-5 (Heavy Bolter) 6-7 (Auto-Cannon) 8 (Missile Launcher) 9 (Lascannon)
36-55 You are trained with a Lasgun and Frag Grenades, and given Flak Armor.
56-60 You are given Carapace Armor, a Shotgun, Grenades, and Melta-Bombs and then trained to be an elite grenadier.
61-65 Valkyrie Pilot
66-70 Chimera Diver
71-75 Scout Sentinel Driver
76-80 Armored Sentinel Driver
81-85 Leman Russ Tank Driver
86-90 Leman Russ Tank Gunner
91-95 Leman Russ Tank Commander
96-97 You have been selected to go to Terrax and train to be a Commissar.
98-99 An Inquisitor take you as his Acolyte.
100 An Inquisitor has decided to send you to a Shrine World to become a "comfort" to the SoB.

44, 53. Good times. Maybe I will get a promotion... *sighs*

lol

Poor Thing.

Why does everyone think being a Guardsman is so bad? There are a billion other Guardsmen out there with you so you're never outnumbered, and you don't have to get neutered so you can tap as much hot SoB ass as you can get your hands on!

So I rerolled and got 100!!!!!!!!!!!! SWEEET! No, really I got 86, which is much better. At least I get a MUCH bigger gun now.

Epaminondas wrote:...and you don't have to get neutered so you can tap as much hot SoB ass as you can get your hands on!

Who says we're getting neutered? This is the 41st Millennium! I'm sure there are MORE than enough better methods of birth control that don't involve in potentially killing or rending useless such a subject as those chosen to serve the venerable Sisters of Battle in such an awesome way!

Not to mention SoB are all Celibate Closet Lesbians anyway

WHAT?
EVERY Male Inqusitor in the galaxy now declares you an arch Heritic. Now die a thousand slow deaths.

sugna the repairible wrote:WHAT?
EVERY Male Inqusitor in the galaxy now declares you an arch Heritic. Now die a thousand slow deaths.

That's ok, I'll just devote myself to Slaanesh and get a boner while you kill me

Oh, come on, if the sprues are any indication, aren't 1 in 4 guardsmen actually women anyway? So that's like a thousand times better odds than most wargamers, anyway, right?

solkan wrote:Oh, come on, if the sprues are any indication, aren't 1 in 4 guardsmen actually women anyway? So that's like a thousand times better odds than most wargamers, anyway, right?

so those poor guardsmen have it better than many of us war gamers. . . sigh,

solkan wrote:Oh, come on, if the sprues are any indication, aren't 1 in 4 guardsmen actually women anyway? So that's like a thousand times better odds than most wargamers, anyway, right?

wait a tic, there's female guards(wo)men? wierd. i've only ever seen male models.

(i think that last bit came out a bit wrong)

Gwar! wrote:Not to mention SoB are all Celibate Closet Lesbians anyway

Point of fact, fluffwise they don't take a vow of celibacy. And, come to think of it, if Uriel Ventris' grandfather or something was killed at the defense of the polar fortress, wouldn't that mean that Space Marines get laid too?

BaronIveagh wrote:

Gwar! wrote:Not to mention SoB are all Celibate Closet Lesbians anyway

Point of fact, fluffwise they don't take a vow of celibacy. And, come to think of it, if Uriel Ventris' grandfather or something was killed at the defense of the polar fortress, wouldn't that mean that Space Marines get laid too?

Or his Granddad could have been a very sexy 13 year old (since that's the only possible way for a Space Marine to have kids, to have them before he was transformed). And yes, I know they don't take a vow, it was a joke because they are Nuns.

Sheesh

spartanghost wrote:

solkan wrote:Oh, come on, if the sprues are any indication, aren't 1 in 4 guardsmen actually women anyway? So that's like a thousand times better odds than most wargamers, anyway, right?

wait a tic, there's female guards(wo)men? wierd. i've only ever seen male models.

(i think that last bit came out a bit wrong)

Well, it looks like I may have gotten everyone's hopes (or other things) up without warrant. The Dark Elf, Dark Eldar, and Eldar sprues are all one obviously female torso per four torsos, but it looks like that ratio isn't present in the IG sprues.

On the other hand, I'm sure that there are all sorts of indecent jokes and stories which one could produce if one is willing to accept women driving the tanks and transports. And besides, every time someone talks about female guard squads is a time that they didn't talk about female space marine squads.

Well, considering that Female Guard Regiments are not uncommon, I don't see why we wouldn't be talking about them. You think the Imperium will give a toss if you have tits or not? Of course not! Give you a lasgun anyway and send you to the grinder.

Ciaphas Cain HERO OF THE IMPERIUM has a great description of an all female and all male regiment being amalgamated into a mixed one