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Unfortunately, Shim decided that the posters in the "unfortunately" portions of the thread were a bunch of meanies, and sulked off to find his own adventure somewhere in orbit with a nicer lot.

Max continued to stare at the little star formed by the light glancing off of Shim's suit as he drifted into space- it was strangely beautiful. He was caught off guard, then, when the lascannon wielding Panda stopped eating, caught up to him, and began to show off his kung-fu on Max's arse.

Fortunately, the panda had WS 1, and missed so much he hit himself.

Unfortunately, he had a 2+ Inv Save, which he promptly passed.

Fortunately, the Panda was so Liq'ed that he fell on his back and passed out on the spot, freeing Max to carry on without incident (At least for a few hours)

Unfortunately, the particular spot where the Panda chose to fall contained Max's big toe. Max thereafter came to be known as "The Nine-Toed Bandit".

Complicating matters, he was unable to extract himself without waking said slumbering, lascannon wielding Panda...

Fortunately the Inquisition just so happened to be drawn to that spot due to the previous commotion. Taking the panda for interrogation cause it was....well.....a panda with a fething lascannon!

Unfortunately, Max was still on The Inquisition's "to do" list, having encountered (5? 6?) inquisitors in the thread.

Not to mention the fact that he was now an ork, and no longer recognizable as an "Imperial citizen" as he was during all of his previous encounters.

Soon Max found himself in a small, grey room with no visible doors or windows of any kind. He couldn't remember how he got there, and he certainly couldn't think of any way to escape. What's worse, he now had no discernable Dakka of any kind, not to mention no clothes!

Fortunately, there was a pot plant nearby, and Max had a sudden urge to place the toe that had been removed earlier into it.

Within seconds, the Toe had sprouted into a patch of fungus, which continued to grow for some time.

Unfortunately, it was a malicious funugs, of this type (thanks to Wrexasaur, who posted this in another thread):




It soon began to take over Max's brain. He began saying things like "I don't need Moar Dakka" and "I love 'umies". He had basically gone out of his mind.

Fortunately, Max being a fun gi, he quickly made friends with the plant, and it stopped attacking him.

Unfortunately, he was still now an Ork with a Human's mind

Fortunately, the fungi-on-fungi funkiness having given him a human mind in an ork body had its advantages.

With his newfound intellect, Max was able to locate the recessed switch to open the room's hidden door. His orky fingers were too stubby to push it, so he just ripped the door out of the wall. Some things are better done the ork way, after all

He also decided to start referring to himself as Maximus- it sounded more dignified. Nothing could stop him now!

Unfortunately for Maximus. the Inquisition doesn't just leave its hidden rooms unguarded and tearing the door from its hinges revealed a few dozen guards in the next room.

Fortunately, they were all generic Guardsmen. What's worse, they all had dull names like "Tom", "Jim", "Bob", and "Ted". And we all know what happens to the guys with dull names.

metallifan wrote:Fortunately, they were all generic Guardsmen. What's worse, they all had dull names like "Tom", "Jim", "Bob", and "Ted". And we all know what happens to the guys with dull names.

ROFLMAO!!!!!!

Unfortunately green and red are a bad colour combination, so Max was unable to use the dead guards' T shirts to cover his nakedness.

(He was still half Ogryn even after everything that had happened to him... Know what I mean...)

Max moved down the hall in that special gait used by a large thug worried about his nads until he came to a door marked "Kommissar Raeg".

"This looks like a good place to hide", he thought.

Kk, your post now has me spewing laughter over the image of an Ork wandering around with a Guardsman tied around his waist like a towel

*Ahem*

Fortunately, the Kommissar was very much an Ork, and he lent Max his spare greatcoat.

Unfortunately mad Max the wonder ogryn who smashes Honda and inquisitor heads had due to his massive amounts of transformations, gotten very ill. So now the uber Ogryn needed a doctor, unforgettably the only doctor around was a Dark Eldar...

Fortunately, at that very moment a Tau Empire Tax Cruiser arrived.

They were searching for the missing Ethereal, Aun A'Lotta D'oh, who was suspected of having filed bogus expenses claims for the past three years.

Brushing the Dark Eldar doctor aside in a storm of form-filling, the Tau took Aun A'Lotta D'oh in for questioning, and brought Max along as a potential witness.

As he seemed rather ill, they fixed him up a treat using their advanced medicines. Max was fully restored to a fit and healthy Ogryn!

Unfortunately this meant that Max also received the Imperium thoughts on Xenos... So Max had a choice to make.. Purge or remain friendly

Fortunately, stupid though he was, Max had enough brains to realise that one unarmed Orgyn vs the Tau Empire Revenue Office enforcement division was a non-starter.

He opted to co-operate with the investigation. After all, he hadn't done anything wrong, and maybe the Tau would return him to a planet of his choice if he told them everything he knew.

As Max did not know much, that was a quick process.

The Tau issued him a travel warrant good for a one-way trip to anywhere in the galaxy, and sent him back down to the planet.

Max's only problem now was deciding where to go.

Unfortunately, Max decided to visit the Ron Jeremy nebula which, unknown to Max, was deeply gripped by Slaanesh.

Fortunately, Max got confused and ended up going to the Ron Perlman galaxy by accident.

Unfortunately, Ron Perlman is studly and didn't want any competition from a big tough Ogryn in his galaxy.

While Max was confused after the sudden change of direction, Ron got behind him and gave him such a kick in the arse that poor Max was booted all the way back to Holy Terra itself!!!

Unfortunately Max's bar had remained destroyed, and, with what he'd known as home gone, Max had nowhere to go.

Fortunately, once Max reached Terra, he fell in (or possibly on) with a group of insane holy monk-pilgrim types, who asked him to travel with them as they saw the holiest sights on Terra. Max hadn't seen Terra before, so he agreed.

Unfortunately, said monks had been allowed a one-of-a-time trip to the Golden Throne room and Max, dumb Ogryn as he was, couldn't help punching the "big gu' in tha big seat" just to see if he was really paralyzed

Fortunately, as everyone knows, punching machinery is the best way to get it working at maximum condition.
The Golden Throne let out a huge amount of sparks, and the red flashing ring on the front suddenly dissapeared and slowly turned green. There was a sudden creak and, after 10 Millenia of resting, The Emperor finally rose from his seat, fully alive and well once more.

Unfortunately, GW locked down the Palace of Terra, seperating it from the rest of the game world while they tried to figure out what to do with the storyline now that the Emperor was back. In all the confusion, Max fell through a plot hole and found himself somewhere in the Eye of Terror...

Biggs: "I'm going in, cover me Porkins."
Porky: "I'm right with you, Red 3."

Porky: "I've got a problem here."
Biggs: "Eject!"
Porky: "I can hold it."
Biggs: "Pull up!"
Porky: "No I'm alright, I'm alright, Aggggggghhhhhhh!"

We've stalled................!!! It's the revenge of Shim, I tell you!