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Granted.
What?
Oh! That's right,um....ah....urm......It.......you?.......
CRAP! I DON'T KNOW!
Oh!
You get killed BEFORE consuming it!

I wish for something...that does not exist but is found everywere in the farthest corners of the world...
But it's in the center of the galaxy at the same time.

Granted. You have Nothing. At all. Enjoy it.

I wish my cat would play with it's own toys and leave these gifts alone.

Granted. One of the cat's toys rolls outside and the cat follows it out there and is lost for several weeks. While no harm comes to the cat, it does stress your family out a lot for Christmas.

I wish i'd not died before getting to drink my soda.

Granted. You are not dead, but now its gone flat.

I wish cats do not like ribbons and wrapping paper so much.

Granted. They enjoy innards and human flesh instead.

I wish for BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

Granted. You get BLOOD. for the BLOOD GOD. And he shows up to collect it. And wants YOUR BLOOD TOO!!!!

I wish Taco Bell would actually put some sauce packets in the bag after they ask you "mild, hot, or fire?"

Granted. But ya don't get Tacos.

I wish I had lotz of EggNog!

Granted, but it's the family friendly non-rum kind.

I wish that I hadn't committed to being a volunteer at the moment because I wanted a full time job instead.

Granted, but you don't get a fulltime job either.

I wish I could turn invisible

Granted. But you cant turn un-invisible.

I wish I could think of more wishes...

see next post.

Granted. You have Alzhiemers disease. You think of new wishes all the time. And never stop making new friends.

I wish traffic wasn't so heavy in the evenings around here.

Granted. But you can't start your car. ever.

I wish I didn't have Alhziemers disease.

Granted. You do not have Alzhiemer's. Your mind is a perfect blank.

I wish there was a reliable place to have your car serviced somewhere near my house.

Granted. But as soon as you drive it out of the shop,you get hit by a Rig. And the shop is closed. for EVER.

I wish my brain was normal.

Granted. Your brain is normal for a dead primate.

I wish school sucked less.

Granted. School sucks less. In fact, you love it. Then they kick you out.

I wish for someplace to be open at seven AM that serves regular food, not just breakfast.

Granted. But it closes down before you can eat there.

I wish I had gold.

Granted. You have Gold. Yukon Gold. A whole case of it.

I wish my cats would stop trying to destroy everything.

Your cats can no longer destroy everything because they are lost in an interdemensional portal where they are safe and happy, but very far away from you and your family. You miss them a lot.

I wish that it snows on christmas.

Granted. But it snows so much that you cant believe that its 10 feet deep. you die due to the weather.

I wish I could have real gold.

Granted. Real gold is what replaces your teeth after they rot out due to poor dental hygiene.

I wish that it would snow on christmas, but not be deep enough to strand me, kill me or be a nuisance.

granted. but it's only 2 cm.

I wish I could have gold bars that dont replace my teef or anything like that.

Granted. You are in the dungeons of king Midas, and the bars on your cell door are gold.

I wish for speedy pizza delivery.

granted. But the pizza tastes like Sh!t,waitta minute it is Sh!t........

I wish I knew how to dance...

Granted. You are enrolled in the Squidward Tentacles Academy for Interpretative Dance.

I wish for lots of birthday presents.

granted. But they all are thrown out or burnt to a crisp before you can open them.

I wish for nothing....

Granted. You have nothing. Reality itself has been sucked into a void, leaving only your soul. Have fun.

I wish presents would wrap themselves.

Granted. But it's wrapped poorly.

I wish I had The Big Bang Theory series on dvd

Granted, but it's not the sitcom, it's the physics documentary.

I wish that I had good, non poisoned, chocolate cake that will not fall on the floor, I will not die before or after consuming it, and no one else will tamper with it in anyway, and I will enjoy immensely and will bring me great happiness.