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Darkvoidof40k wrote:He won a staring contest against a Dreadnought.

He used to snipe heretics on another planet with his bolt pistol.

He converted a Tau Ethereal to the ways of the Imperium, and then executed him for being a Xeno.

His guitar solo made every Noise Marine's head blow up.

He eats Earthshaker shells for breakfast. Without any milk.

He convinced an Ork to give up fighting.

He beat a Necron in a breath holding contest.

He Decieved the Deciever.

Mars is actually a giant cage where he keeps his pet Void Dragon.

He managed to touch MC Hammer.

His milkshake brings all the Sisters to the yard.

Whenever he needs a haircut he just headbutts a Swarmlord.

Dreadnoughts are only called Dreadnoughts because nobody lives long enough to find out his name so that they can dread him.

He bro-fisted Calgar and broke the Gauntlets of Ultramar. Bare-fisted. Twice.

His favourite party game is 'Pin the tail on the Void Whale', using an actual Void Whale.

He's executed so many Guardsmen that they changed their motto. It is now "Only in duty does death end".

He once wondered what fleeing would feel like. He then proceeded to execute himself for cowardice. Twice.

When kittens see him, they say "Awwww"

He's a lover not a hater. But he sometimes hates too so don't start yelling bs.

Khorne has been collecting skulls to make him a nice necklace.

He once won an apoc game with a 400 pt army. Without casualties.

He once painted a picture of a canvas on a mountain.

He's so accurate with a bolt pistol he can hit targets outside of it's range and out a line of sight. Between the eyes.

He takes weekly lessons with the CG on how to be evil. I wonder how much he charges them.

His glares use a LBT.

His quarters have the skulls of a million enemies. He lives out of a chimera.

He once had a gun that fired a Bang! sign (think: Looney Toons). The many Guardsmen he fired it at soon learned that sign can be very, very sharp.

He once sanctioned a psyker himself. The man wasn't even psychic, but by the end could match an Alpha+.

Unlike most commissars, he doesn't wear a greatcoat. He wears a poncho. It is still called a greatcoat, however, because it was good enough for him to wear.

I don't always drink booze, but when I do, fermented hormagaunt blood.

He was once a part of Sabaton /conversation

Dark Apostle 666 wrote:He once swam through the warp unprotected.
Now the gods are all pregnant.

Aw hell no, he went there. Never go.. there.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

im2randomghgh wrote:He was once a part of Sabaton /conversation

I approve.

He had to fight Angron in hand-to-hand, and removed his power fist as to 'Give the little guy a chance.'

He sometimes visits Medrengard for a holiday, because "it's a nice, serene and most definitely pleasant place for some RnR."

He once gave birth to two very ugly girls using only the sheer power of his mind. Their names were Creed and Draigo.

I also hear that he once single-handedly reconquered a world controlled by the Tau using only a medium-sized Cactus.

He brushes his teeth with a Chainsword.

He owns a pet Carnifex named Rex.

He was once angered so greatly that he swore so profusely that he made Ghazghkull blush.

He once force-fed Abaddon his own foot. Whilst it was still attached. Whilst Abaddon was still wearing Terminator armor. Whilst instructing a culinary lesson.

He once scared Kharn into wearing a tutu.

He once survived for three months in a warzone filled with Orks by eating nothing but live squigs and drinking only stale Ork milk.

Darkvoidof40k wrote:

He once gave birth to two very ugly girls using only the sheer power of his mind. Their names were Creed and Draigo.

I love you so much right now *tears of joy and laughter* *BLAM*

TEARS ARE HERESY

-TMICITW

im2randomghgh wrote:

Darkvoidof40k wrote:

He once gave birth to two very ugly girls using only the sheer power of his mind. Their names were Creed and Draigo.

I love you so much right now *tears of joy and laughter* *BLAM*

TEARS ARE HERESY

-TMICITW

I'm flattered, but did the Ork milk and tutu shenanigans do nothing to appeal to your sense of humour? /is disappoint.

His rage makes Skarbrand apologize.

He walked through Tzeentch's labyrinth with his eyes closed.

He made up medicine against the whole essence of Nurgle combined.

He turned Zogwort into a Squig. No, wait... he turned him into a Squiggoth.

He once rolled a 1 just to see what it would feel like.

He buys condoms in ten thousand-unit lots, and has a new lot delivered weekly.

His flashlights kill like lasguns, his lasguns kill like bolters, his bolters kill like Deathstrike Missiles, and his Deathstrike Missiles will kill every model on every table in the store.

He's been errata'd by Privateer Press, Corvus Belli, Spartan Games, and Wyrd Miniatures, because he's brokenly overpowered in games he doesn't have rules for.

Darkvoidof40k wrote:

im2randomghgh wrote:

Darkvoidof40k wrote:

He once gave birth to two very ugly girls using only the sheer power of his mind. Their names were Creed and Draigo.

I love you so much right now *tears of joy and laughter* *BLAM*

TEARS ARE HERESY

-TMICITW

I'm flattered, but did the Ork milk and tutu shenanigans do nothing to appeal to your sense of humour? /is disappoint.

Those were awesome, but the other one mentioned CREEED! and so was better by default. It was so good that you having said that makes me want to buy a kitten, name it "captain majestic", and teach it to move it's head back and forth forever like your avatar.

*BLAM*

KITTENS ARE HERESY

-TMICITW

Slaanesh calls HIm for a good time

themocaw wrote:He once rolled a 1 just to see what it would feel like.

The wound that would have been applied instead of damaging him instead raised his wounds by 1 thus being 1+infinity

themocaw wrote:
He's been errata'd by Privateer Press, Corvus Belli, Spartan Games, and Wyrd Miniatures, because he's brokenly overpowered in games he doesn't have rules for.

*Like button.*



And ork milk.

dice that roll 6 to hit him must make a 7+ save to prevent their own demise.

He once rolled a 1, and still made his save.

His stat line was once mistaken as being all 8's, before the reader realized he was holding it sideways=all infinity.

I know it wasn't a funny one ^, but I needed to relate a fact.

When Sororitas see him, they squeal like Twilight fangirls who just saw Edward Cullen.

He once comforted Grandfather Nurgle with a bear hug, then told him he smelled like roses.

He has saved Terra more times than Jack O'Neill, Samantha Carter, Teal'c, and Daniel Jackson combined.

The Emperor stole credit for his kill of the traitor Horus.

Mat Ward once tried to write a story where the Ultramarines saved him from perilous peril, but when the story went to print, it had changed so that he saved Macragge from the Tyranid menace.

The Emperor stays frozen in stasis because he is too scared to face him.

His teeth are priceless in ork kulture.

The Foot wrote:

The Ultramarines all want to be like him

And the thread is down! It is oooooover!!!!!

Most Commisars like to ride a tank into Battle. He rides a Titan.

Originally, the Chaos Gods wanted to corrupt him, but when he got slashed by the cursed sword, the sword broke, so they went for Horus instead.

He Ambushed the Ambush at Istavaan IV.

When Tanith was lost, he went back to Tanith and took it back. His bolt pistol was so pwerful, however, it accidently blew up the entire planet.

He only has one attack in close combat. Its all he needs.

He can tell Alpharius and Omegron apart.

He once decided to have an orgy with some Eldar. There was an explosion, lots of Eldar died, Slaanesh was born. He promised not to do that again.

The Inquisition fears him.

He was once the only model on the Imperial side of a 100,000 point Imperium vs Xenos Apocalypse mega-battle.

The Imperium won.

There were even five tables in the overall battle, and the Commissar won one game per turn, casually propelling himself with sheer awesomeness over to the next table, and repeating the slaughter he enacted on the previous one.

He filed a lawsuit against Clark Kent for stealing his name.

Most Commissars carry a sword. he carries a pillow. In his hands, it counts as a Str11 power weapon That wounds on a Number.

Titans were originally created so he'd have someone to spar with. They weren't strong enough. So they made the Primarchs. Still didn't work.

He once lost a battle, just to see what it would feel like.

He beat DarkVoid's kitten in a staring contest.

He had the whites of his eyes removed because white is the colour of surrender.

They once implanted a space marine with HIS organs. And so the Emperor was born.

He knows the Emperor's real name. It is written on the inside of his beard, but no one who touched his beard lives so it doesn't matter.

That wounds on a Number.

WIN!

im2randomghgh wrote:He beat DarkVoid's kitten in a staring contest.

Bah, that's just what he says. Believe nothing, he's a heretic, a thrice-damned Heretic I say! Planning my downfall he is, I'm sure of it, yes, most definitely.. ehehehehe! *giggles madly before falling into a spasm-ridden fit, eventually carried off by strange men in white uniforms*

Darkvoidof40k wrote:

im2randomghgh wrote:He beat DarkVoid's kitten in a staring contest.

Bah, that's just what he says. Believe nothing, he's a heretic, a thrice-damned Heretic I say! Planning my downfall he is, I'm sure of it, yes, most definitely.. ehehehehe! *giggles madly before falling into a spasm-ridden fit, eventually carried off by strange men in white uniforms*

The most interesting Commissar was both of the men who carried DarkVoid away.

Dark Eldar fear him for the pain he causes in others.

He frequently visits the Black Library for a little light reading.
He has a void whale skull mounted in his trophy room... along with the harpoon that he used to kill it.
His random musings on policy are considered required reading by the High Lords of Terra.
He calls the Crone Worlds one of his favorite vacation destinations.

He... is the Most Interesting Commissar in the Galaxy.

"I don't always drink beer. But when I do, I drink Dos Aquilas."



(with nod to DeadlyFungus)