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2014/02/01 01:55:48
Subject: Re:Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Preacher of the Emperor
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Huh, Raven and Koriander chimed in on the main "Sisters of Battle" tactics thread - I couldn't help but crosspost: pretre wrote:As to no psykers, of course we wouldn't have psykers. Suffer not the Witch to live!
SisterSydney wrote:Except for Inquisitors and sanctioned psykers and astropaths and Librarians and gak like that, because being officially okay'd means they're technically not witches, but they'd better keep proving their worth to the God-Emperor every fething day because if they take one step, ONE STEP out of line, God-Emperor help me, I will fething purge you so fething hard your fething grandchildren will catch fire, can you read THAT intention in my mind, you fething psyker FREAK?!
SISTER KORIANDER: Perhaps a chill pill would be in order, Sister?
SISTER RAVEN (breathing heavily): No.... No.... I'm ... I'm better now.
MrFlutterPie wrote:This about sums it up. However, I still like to think that the Sisters are quietly disgusted with even the "sanctioned" pyskers.
SisterSydney wrote:SISTER RAVEN: [eye twitching] What part of that struck you as quiet?[/eye twitching]
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/02/01 01:55:58
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2014/02/01 02:13:57
Subject: Re:Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Terminator with Assault Cannon
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what do you call the child of a space marine?
heresy! *baf*
what do you call lion el Johnson?
a pussy cat.
what do you say when you see a squat?
GET THE WARP OUT OF MY HOUSE!
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*Insert witty and/or interesting statement here* |
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2014/02/01 13:05:08
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Preacher of the Emperor
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What does a GW employee say when he sees a squat?
What squat?
What does a Tyranid say when it sees a squat?
NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM
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2014/02/01 17:41:14
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Is 'Eavy Metal Calling?
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What do you say when a Squat with a hotshot lasgun grav-chutes out of a Valkyrie?
"Aren't you a little short to be a stormtrooper?"
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2014/02/01 17:59:49
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Preacher of the Emperor
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Ok, trying to bring this back on topic as much as there can said to be an on-topic:
Q: What did the squad of Sororitas Novices say when they first saw a Squat warrior in all his martial glory!
A: Look at the cute widdle man! Squeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Q: What did the Squat say?
A: What?
Q: What did the SQUAT say?
A: I can't hear you! It's all the squeeing!
Q: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
A: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
SQUAT: THIS HURTS ME EARS, I SAID.
NOVICES: He said "me ears"! In a little Scots accent! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(Tyranid Hive Fleet that was sneaking up on the Squat runs away covering its ... whatever Tyranids hear with. A happy ending!)
GW EMPLOYEE: Curses! Foiled again!
Q: WHAT?
GE EMPLOYER: Oh never fething mind.
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This message was edited 4 times. Last update was at 2014/02/01 18:01:42
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2014/02/01 23:30:54
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Powerful Phoenix Lord
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 Paradigm wrote:What do you say when a Squat with a hotshot lasgun grav-chutes out of a Valkyrie?
"Aren't you a little short to be a stormtrooper?"
See, now I want to make a ratling for my buddies only war campaign.
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Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia |
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2014/03/27 21:28:04
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Preacher of the Emperor
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A technical point in the Sororitas tactics thread devolved into the follow exchange I felt compelled to repost here:
 BlackTalos wrote: SisterSydney wrote:17"? Doesn't 6" move plus 6" dismount plus 6" melta range = 18"? Or am I missing something?
I was missing something: i was counting the 1" from the front of the rhino to 1st door. But then realised you'd 180° it anyway....
SisterSydney wrote:Now I have a mental image of a Rhino roaring up towards the objective, spinning through a 180-degree "bootlegger reverse" like the General Lee in the old Dukes of Hazard TV show, dropping the rear ramp... And then the Sisters stagger out dizzy and nauseous to collapse on the ground.
CoteazRox wrote: SisterSydney wrote:Now I have a mental image of a Rhino roaring up towards the objective, spinning through a 180-degree "bootlegger reverse" like the General Lee in the old Dukes of Hazard TV show, dropping the rear ramp... Sisters propelled out of the open door, wildly flailing their arms, before landing on their feet 6" away while screaming For the Emperor!.
Fixed it. 
MrFlutterPie wrote:Haha the Emperor protects  
SisterSydney wrote:SISTER KORIANDER: The Emperor protects!
SISTER RAVEN: From motion sickness?
SISTER KORIANDER: Yup, and unwanted pregnancy!
SISTER RAVEN: What.
SISTER KORIANDER: I said, unwanted pregn....
SISTER RAVEN: How did you find out THAT?!?
SISTER KORIANDER (smiling entirely too much & not looking Raven in the eyes): Read it somewhere.
Errr, I'd better cross post this discussion in the Sororitas jokes thread and stop derailing the tactics thread now....
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This message was edited 4 times. Last update was at 2014/03/27 21:42:19
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2014/03/27 22:42:51
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Archmagos Veneratus Extremis
On the Internet
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There is NOTHING the Emperor does not protect from, to include "nothing" itself.
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2014/03/27 23:00:19
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Glorious Lord of Chaos
The burning pits of Hades, also known as Sweden in summer
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Does the Emperor protect your computer from viruses?
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I should think of a new signature... In the meantime, have a  |
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2014/03/27 23:01:26
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Archmagos Veneratus Extremis
On the Internet
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Yes, by smiting them heroically before they can taint my system. Does he not protect your system the same way?
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2014/03/27 23:03:52
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Glorious Lord of Chaos
The burning pits of Hades, also known as Sweden in summer
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No, I pass my Invulnerable Saves every time. (MoT)
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I should think of a new signature... In the meantime, have a |
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2014/03/27 23:05:41
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Archmagos Veneratus Extremis
On the Internet
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Then you're obviously a heretic that needs to bathe in fire to cleanse yourself. I recommend doing it two to three times a day until the mutations stop.
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2014/03/27 23:06:49
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Glorious Lord of Chaos
The burning pits of Hades, also known as Sweden in summer
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Or maybe we bath you in our fires?
BURN IN UNHOLY FIRE
I've got your Warpfire for you right here...
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I should think of a new signature... In the meantime, have a |
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2014/03/27 23:10:10
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Powerful Phoenix Lord
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 ClockworkZion wrote:
Yes, by smiting them heroically before they can taint my system. Does he not protect your system the same way?
Viruses are Papa Nurgle's way of saying he loves you.
Fortunately for me, I have these little spiders that warp around and protect my software, killing off any intrusions.
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Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia |
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2014/03/27 23:11:44
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Archmagos Veneratus Extremis
On the Internet
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BrotherHaraldus wrote:Or maybe we bath you in our fires?
BURN IN UNHOLY FIRE
I've got your Warpfire for you right here...
That doesn't burn nearly hot enough.
Happyjew wrote: ClockworkZion wrote:
Yes, by smiting them heroically before they can taint my system. Does he not protect your system the same way?
Viruses are Papa Nurgle's way of saying he loves you.
Fortunately for me, I have these little spiders that warp around and protect my software, killing off any intrusions.
And internet transmitted diseases are how Slaanesh leaves his mark.
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2014/03/27 23:13:44
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Preacher of the Emperor
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Fire baths for everybody!
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2014/03/27 23:14:39
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Archmagos Veneratus Extremis
On the Internet
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That that's a campaign platform I can get behind!
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2014/03/27 23:14:44
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Gore-Soaked Lunatic Witchhunter
Seattle
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It is best to be a pessimist. You are usually right and, when you're wrong, you're pleasantly surprised. |
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2014/03/27 23:14:48
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Powerful Phoenix Lord
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Hey! I'm not a heretic or a mutant. Just a Xenos. Who is going to be hiding over here. While you burn those silly mon-keighs...
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Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia |
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2014/03/27 23:16:02
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Archmagos Veneratus Extremis
On the Internet
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 Happyjew wrote:
Hey! I'm not a heretic or a mutant. Just a Xenos. Who is going to be hiding over here. While you burn those silly mon-keighs...
Xenos get double fire baths!
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2014/03/27 23:22:01
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Powerful Phoenix Lord
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ClockworkZion wrote: Happyjew wrote:
Hey! I'm not a heretic or a mutant. Just a Xenos. Who is going to be hiding over here. While you burn those silly mon-keighs...
Xenos get double fire baths!
Yes, yes, come closer, into the webway. Burn for me, my angel of exterminatus!
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Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia |
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2014/03/28 00:16:11
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Archmagos Veneratus Extremis
On the Internet
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Happyjew wrote: ClockworkZion wrote: Happyjew wrote:
Hey! I'm not a heretic or a mutant. Just a Xenos. Who is going to be hiding over here. While you burn those silly mon-keighs...
Xenos get double fire baths!
Yes, yes, come closer, into the webway. Burn for me, my angel of exterminatus!
Well that doesn't sound like a trap set by She-Who-Thirsts at all!
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2014/03/28 00:19:12
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Powerful Phoenix Lord
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Of course not. I may be self-righteous elitest, but those who purge the unclean are always welcome to enjoy a good laugh with Cegorach.
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Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia |
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2014/03/28 00:19:42
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Hallowed Canoness
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Him, and our flamethrower. Why ? Because they allow us to set the walls on fire !
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"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1 |
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2014/03/28 00:58:30
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Liche Priest Hierophant
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Uh, Wot'z a Vy-er-us? I just keep going on as normal until everything goes back to normal. It works just as well as you think. And when that doesn't work, you just slag the old one and use it fer Gubbinz & Bitz fer da nekst wun.
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GENERATION 8: The first time you see this, copy and paste it into your sig and add 1 to the number after generation. Consider it a social experiment.
If yer an Ork, why dont ya WAAAGH!!
M.A.V.- if you liked ChromeHounds, drop by the site and give it a go. Or check out my M.A.V. Oneshots videos on YouTube! |
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2014/03/28 01:59:35
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Preacher of the Emperor
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Ha! I suppose that Sisters would assign a very different meaning to the term "firewall"... "Sister, it appears that the cogitator picked up a virus. Should we call the Mechan- "No! I have been trained in these matters. We must first set up a firewall to prevent further attacks." "Oh, okay. I'll just stand asi-" "NO MORE UNHOLY VIRUSES SHALL PASS THROUGH THESE WALLS! AVE IMPERATOR!" "Sister, what are you do- OH FE-!"
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/03/28 02:00:18
 Order of the Righteous Armour - 542 points so far. |
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2014/03/28 12:21:32
Subject: Re:Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Tzeentch Aspiring Sorcerer Riding a Disc
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A young blood claw of the Space Wolves is captured by the Chaos forces, but they have already sacrificed every imperial guard they needed to,
so they decide to laugh a little. They tell him that if he success over three trials, he will be free to go. The first trial consists on drinking a whole barrel of denatured alcohol,
but they don't know that the young one is a Fenrisian, where they piss far away from the bonfires cause its flammable. He down it in one and asks for another one.
Finally, he burps and asks for the other two trials.
The Chaos Champion, a little pissed off says...
-"In the next trial, you will have to kill with your bare hands a Carnifex that lives in that cave,
and in the last one, you will have to make love to a Sister of Battle maiden till she faints."-
They took the blood claw to the cave. Some minutes after he disappears into the darkness, some horrible screams start coming out from there.
Finally, they stop. Everybody in front of the cave think the space wolf is dead when suddenly, the bloodcurdling howls start again even louder and then stop.
Its like this for some time, with so terribly louder noises, that some of the heretics had to pass a morale check to avoid fleeing.
Finally the Space Wolf appears, puffs, and says...
-"For Russ! it was hard to make it faint... Now, where the hell is that maiden i have to kill with my bare hands?"-
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Its hard to be awesome, when your playing with little plastic men. 
Welcome to Fantasy 40k
If you think your important, in the great scheme of things. Do the water test.
Put your hands in a bucket of warm water,
then pull them out fast. The size of the hole shows how important you are.
I think we should roll some dice, to see if we should roll some dice, To decide if all this dice rolling is good for the game.
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2014/03/28 17:41:44
Subject: Re:Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Hallowed Canoness
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 loki old fart wrote:and in the last one, you will have to make love to a Sister of Battle maiden till she faints.
Here, I thought “Uh, rape joke ?”. Well, it kind of was, in some way .
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"Our fantasy settings are grim and dark, but that is not a reflection of who we are or how we feel the real world should be. [...] We will continue to diversify the cast of characters we portray [...] so everyone can find representation and heroes they can relate to. [...] If [you don't feel the same way], you will not be missed"
https://twitter.com/WarComTeam/status/1268665798467432449/photo/1 |
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2014/03/28 18:03:46
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Archmagos Veneratus Extremis
On the Internet
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Happyjew wrote:Of course not. I may be self-righteous elitest, but those who purge the unclean are always welcome to enjoy a good laugh with Cegorach.
Yeah, I'm not falling for that one again!
Last time I awoke in the middle of the desert with a not thanking for the free kidney!
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/03/28 18:04:25
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2014/03/28 18:16:46
Subject: Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes
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Hallowed Canoness
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It's humour, Zion, but not as we know it.
Never feck with faeries... and the Eldar Gods are about as fey as you can get.
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"That time I only loaded the cannon with powder. Next time, I will fill it with jewels and diamonds and they will cut you to shrebbons!" - Nogbad the Bad. |
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