40k quotes that never existed.

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**shrike**

Creed's speech- "Guardsmen numbering untold billions..."
serf- "actually the cadian imperial guard number at exactly 4,382,739,935 men, 745 leman russes, 472 basilisk batteries, 3 titan legions and 838832 battle-servitors."
Creed- "...Guardsmen numbering 4,382,739,935- what force in the universe can hope to withstand our wrath?"
serf- "4,382,739,936 guardmen, 4,382,739,937 guardsmen, 4,382,739,938 guardmen, 4,382-"
*smash*
"Guardsmen numbering untold billions..."

**Jaon**

Exopheric wrote:"Your destruction is the will of the God-Emperor and we are His instrument!"- Canoness Miranda of the Order of The Amber Dawn

In Amber Clad, you BUTCHER!

You mixed it with Forward Unto Dawn!

(You are quoting halo 3 right?)

**Kurgash**

Flayed One: "You're wearing Mordian? That is soooo last century. Valhallan is the new Cadian!"

**Wardragoon**

"Horus I never even liked you, hell I liked 2 and 11 more, and I didn't even name them!"-Emperors words that truly caused Horus to rebel

**Chaos Lord Gir**

Two space marines are in the infrimary after a victorious battle against the orks

Marine 1: I took acouple of rockets to the chest and back, Ork scum managed to cripple my spine, what are you in for?

Marine 2: Lost my arm down planet side

Marine 1: I heard you were part of the strike team which assassinated the Ork warboss, did he cleave your arm off?

Marine 2: No, I high fived the Commander after we totally kicked the Warbosses ass.

Marine 1:...Then ho-

Marine 2: Powerfist.

editted my stupid spelling errors.

**stompydakka**

Chaos Lord Gir wrote:editted my stupid spelling errors.

ROFL

**Exopheric**

Jaon wrote:
Exopheric wrote:"Your destruction is the will of the God-Emperor and we are His instrument!"- Canoness Miranda of the Order of The Amber Dawn

In Amber Clad, you BUTCHER!

You mixed it with Forward Unto Dawn!

(You are quoting halo 3 right?)

Yep, and the mixing was deliberate; I thought it sounded a little more like a Sororitas Order.

**danp164**

Deep beneath the fortress citadel that is The Fang, the space wolves true elite await the call to action, for their foe is mighty and terrible, their task insurmountable, the odds stacked against them. Not for glory these unsung heroes, there would be none, forgotten would they be by the annals of time.

Their skill unmatched with a blade, the Space Wolves Barbers awaited this new great task, Grimnar descended into the depths of their realm.

It was time for a shave.

**Chaos Lord Gir**

danp164 wrote:Deep beneath the fortress citadel that is The Fang, the space wolves true elite await the call to action, for their foe is mighty and terrible, their task insurmountable, the odds stacked against them. Not for glory these unsung heroes, there would be none, forgotten would they be by the annals of time.

Their skill unmatched with a blade, the Space Wolves Barbers awaited this new great task, Grimnar descended into the deths of their realm.

It was time for a shave.

+1!

Company commander: Guardsmen 152341! How in the name of the God Emperor didn't that Plasma cannon kill you??!

Guardsmen 152341: Well, all I saw was this bright flash and my squad members just vaporising and I heard a...Rolling sound over the half finished cries of my comrades, and when I looked up all I saw was a number 1 floating over my head, and I was completely left unharmed...

**shrike**

time for a shave +1.

IF captain- "sergeant! Why are you falling back?! We are the imperial fist, the sons of dorn, the-"
sergeant- "It's scary!"
capt.- "what happened?"
sgt.- "They got dave!"
capt.- "Where's his body?"
*sgt points in several different places*
"There, there, a little bit over there and here."
...
"Fall back!"

**Melissia**

"The willing find redemption in service to the Emperor. The unwilling find redemption in the blessed agony of purifying fire."

Fun times.

**Mordoskul**

Guardsman kills a Chaos Marine with a lasgun;

Guardsman: Guys, hey guys, I actually killed someone! With a lasgun! Ha ha!

**purplefood**

"Well first we get a normal Imperial guard regiment, then we give each guardsman a tank"-Creation of an armoured regiment

**Henners91**

"WE HAVE PLACED NUMEROUS BEACONS ALLOWING FOR MULTIPLE, SIMULTANEOUS AND DEFENSIVE SIMULTANEOUS DEFENSIVE AND MULTIPLE DEEP STRIKES.... DEEEP STRIIIIKES".

Oh wait, that actually happened...

Automatically Appended Next Post:
Marine: "They took our metal boxes!"
Company Commander: "Right then, screw it... I'm going home."

**purplefood**

"There are 2 rules for the Inquisition, the first is we don't talk about the Inquisition. The second is exterminatus' don't actually work"-Inquisitor Aldron ret.

**Mr Nobody**

Plague Marine- "free hugs day!"

**Mordoskul**

Guardsmen on a Plague Marine's low Initiative- Ew, shoot them before they touch us!

**ChiliPowderKeg**

Tau Hammerhead tank commander speeding into the fray: IM ON A GODDAMN SHARK! RAWR!!!
THSS Termie: *facepalm*

**Wardragoon**

ChiliPowderKeg wrote:
THSS Termie: *facepalm*

better yet
Apothecarian: what happened to your sergeant?
Marine: he facepalmed with a powerfist

**purplefood**

"What if we get the Thunderfire cannon and modify it to shoot wolves at our foes?"-Iron Priest Morgrim the crazy

**Big Mek Dattrukk**

Loota: hrrm, i fink it has to much dakka...
Mek yeah, i guess so.

**Ma55ter_fett**

“All my squad mates are dead, I'm on the last half clip of my bolt pistol, I'm surrounded by a hoard of blood crazed orks who are armed to the teeth and their bullets are rapidly eating away at my cover... thank the emperor I wore my plot armor today.”

A marine in a not so highly regarded BL novel shortly before he kills an entire WAAAGH’s worth of orks in highly improbable ways.

**shrike**

4th ed.- "wow, they sit in metal bawkses!"
5th ed.- "wow, they don't sit in metal bawkses!"

What I wanna know is what commander can afford to give every gaurdsman squad a chimera- they all die day 1.

**Wardragoon**

shrike wrote:4th ed.- "wow, they sit in metal bawkses!"
5th ed.- "wow, they don't sit in metal bawkses!"

What I wanna know is what commander can afford to give every gaurdsman squad a chimera- they all die day 1.

for whatever reason i want to say CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!

**shrike**

When ou think about material, you need about 7 chimeras to make a baneblade. A baneblade is way better than a chimera.

**Wardragoon**

shrike wrote:When ou think about material, you need about 7 chimeras to make a baneblade. A baneblade is way better than a chimera.

another thing to think about is training chimaera im guessing any idiot can drive, baneblade takes more crew/talent

**nitefuel**

"So during all that time we were getting slaughtered, you were doing what?"-all loyal primarches towards roubute guillamen

**Mukkin'About**

*chaos whispers in the ears of the primarchs*
"did you know you were born in a laboratory?"

"I SUDDENLY WANT TO KILL EVERYTHING!!"

**Chaos Lord Gir**

Rule 16 of His Emperor's most holy Imperial Guard and Regulations related to dealing with the most noble Adeptus Astartus-

Do not engage the Space Wolf chapter into a drinking contest. The Emperor needs all men combat ready in his glorious army. Any guardsmen found to be dead from alcohol overdose will be executed!

**Superscope**

"Keep it away! Keep it away!"
Anon Broadside battlesuit pilot pointing at the nearest model with a storm shield.