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Fortunately, there was a Space-Wal Mart even closer. And their AA's were 1/2 the cost!

Now stocked up on AA's and candybars, Mad Max the Ogryn was prepared for anything.

Unforunately, he wasn't prepared for the solar flare that erupted that moment, short-circuiting everything he had electronic upon himself (AA's, weapon aiming circuits, IPod, even his laptop), sending him into a deep depression thinking about his mom who he had never met

Fortunately Mad Max the ogryn did not have the minde power to do said thing, Instead he found a shiny new toy lying on the ground

Unfortunately, said shiney toy was really a suringe from Dr Bigfingers medical kit, oh no hes back!!!

Fortunately, the solar flare had also shorted out Dr. Bigfingers' power armour, making him so slow that snails moved at the speed of KENYANS! compared to him. Mad Max would have no trouble outshambling him.

unfortunately the soler flare came from a necron lord

Fortunately the Necron lord had just lost 75 percent of his warriors so was forced to phase out.

Unfortunately, he had other kinds of necron units which meant that he hadn't phased out, and half of the warriors were brought back by a Monolith.

Fortunately Mad Max the Ogryn stumbled upon a derelict two legged war machine.. This gave him the strange feeling of dressing up in a white and black costume and pwne said necrons

Unfortunately, there were still monoliths replacing the casualties, as more had deep-striked.

Fortunately, Max had in his pack his old teddy bear. As he was an Ogryn, it was a very large bear, about the size of a human child, wearing a tatty leather jacket.

Max knew that for some reason, high-tech armies are very frightened of this kind of creature. He didn't know why, he just assumed that teddy bears of very little brain also made great fighters just like Ogryns.

Max deployed the teddy bear into ambush as a decoy, and tossed a caber which crushed the Necron Lord.

The Necrons, terrified that the planet might be infested with cuddly bear-like warriors, abandoned their attack and warped out.

Unfortunately Mad Max the teddy bear wielding Ogryn had by now attracted the attention of the Ordo Malleus who recognized him as a daemon of Change

Fortunately, Obama took his side, and they yelled CHange at the top of their lungs for well over an hour.

Unfortunately, Obama had to head back to M2 to stop the tea baggers from whining about him being gone all the time, and Max was left alone with the full force of the Ordo Malleus bearing down upon him.

Fortunately, they decided that Max wasn't a daemon, and left him alone.

Unfortunately NOBODY EXPECTS THE INQUISITION !

Fortunately, max didn't know about Monty Python, and so did expect the Inquisition, although they were leaving him alone anyway, due to the 2nd Page Benevolence of the Emperor.

However, Mad Max didn't have anything to do anymore, so he decided to go on a crusade.

Unfortunatley he'd never been on a crusade before and didn't know how to go about preparing for one. He needed help from somewhere.... Where would he find it?

Fortunately he found a timemachine that took him to a place called Jerusalem where he saw a bunch of people wearing crosses and abunch of people wearing crescents.

Unfortunately, the time machine malfunctioned and he was stuck half in the past, and half in the present (which strangely enough, seems to be in our universe, not the 40k one... but that's for another post).

In the past he went about learning Crusader stuff from just watching everybody kill each other... in the present, he learned it from the Xbox 360 console, and a game called "Dante's Inferno"

Fortunately, Max's Ogryn brain could not absorb such cognitive dissonance and continue to function. He blacked out.










Max woke up lying in a pile of empty Ace Lager cans with a headache.

He remembered some strange dream...

Unfortunately, Max had been prevented from dreaming ever again somewhere in page 2...

Fortunately, Max found that one of the cans was NOT, in fact, empty.

"If you can't dream, you can at least drown your sorrows" he thought happily. It was just then that he noticed someone with him in the room... lying on top of their own pile of empty Ace Lager cans. He briefly wondered if he was in a movie recently released on DVD...

On lifting the can Max realised that the bit of his adventure where he had been prevented from dreaming again, had occured in a dream sequence.

He was able to dream!

Unfortunately he had only dreamt there was a can of Ace Lager left, it was in fact empty.

Max shambled over to the other comatose body to see if any cans in that pile might be full.

Fortunately, Max had a moment of revelation as he discarded the empty, mirror-shiney can. As he saw his distorted reflection, everything started falling into place...

-He wasn't actually an Ogryn! He was, in actual fact, an Ogre...
-His late wife was a member of this race
-These two facts together meant that he was a part of Games Workshop Ltd.'s Warhammer Fantasy Battles (tm) game system!

But what was this body lying on the floor next to him? He nudged it over with his toe to see...

Unfortunately, upon touching it with his toe, the 'body' leeched some of his life essence, and reanimated, leaving Max a helpless wreck on the ground!

Fourtunatley Max fell through a large pile of beer cans and was buried in them, obscuring him from the view of whatever it was in the room with him.

Unfortunately Mad Max, woke up when he fell on the cans and there for cried out in pain as he cut himself on open cans, which startled what was ever in the room.

Fortunately the thing seemed very paranoid and Max could see, through a gap in the cans, it huddling in the corner.

Max shambled over to the huddled figure to investigate.

Unfortunately, the huddling was a cunning trap and as Max reached out to shake the body, it suddenly attacked!!!