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Unfortunately, the Acolytes read the active ingredient on the side of the tube, and decided to re-commence their attempt to kill Max. After all, if someone with a tube of "Witch Hazel" in their pocket isn't a heretic, who is?

Fortunately the Acolytes, stunned by the rapid series of twists and turns in the story so far, forgot which side they were on and decided to be for Chaos.

Quickly the Acolytes smeared as much Pre-H over themselves as they could grab, leaving Max and his augmetic bottom with nothing except a handful of dead AA batteries.

Unfortunately they suddenly remembered the side they were actually on. Turning towards him with all their fancy preheresy stuff of killing ready.

Fortunately Max was a dead shot with a dead battery. He quickly killed all the acolytes by throwing the AAs at them.

Safe for a while, Max paused to gather his thoughts.

No.1 I need some more batteries.
No.2 What am I going to do with the chup?
No.3 Where am I?
No.4 I'm hungry.

Ogryns can't count to more than four, so he stopped there.

Unfortunately, the answer to each of these questions was as follows:

No.1 The nearest quickie mart is 10 miles away, and he'll have no help from his now-dead augmetic bum!
No.2 & 3 No fethin' idea Although maybe if he can hotwire the chup into his bum...
No.4 Ignore this, it's always the case.

Fortunately, He was right next to a Wal-Mart and McDonalds, solving all his problems.

Unfortunately Max was in the future and these were just displays in the "Service Industries of the Past" exhibit in the Emperor's Second Museum of Knowledge.

Fortunately, there was still a MekDonalds nearby, so Max stopped in and ordered ten Big Morks to go.

Unfortunately the Kroot chef put extra spicy spicy sauce on the Big Morks.

Max's augmetic bum was going to face its most serious test so far, and the batteries were already more or less dead!!

Kilkrazy wrote:Unfortunately the Kroot chef put extra spicy spicy sauce on the Big Morks.

Max's augmetic bum was going to face its most serious test so far, and the batteries were already more or less dead!!

What's worse, he was out of Prep-H, so it would burn like one mean motherf-

Fortunately, there was a nearby "Choppaz' Drugmart", and Max purchased some batteries for his slow-moving behind.

Unfortunately the batteries Max purchased were a size too large.

Owing to a variety of previous life experiences we need not examine in detail, Max was quite used to oversized objects being inserted into his bottom.

So he did not suffer unbearably.

But it was not the most fun he had ever had.

Fortunately, Max was mobile again. He bounded off, looking for a place lacking Inquisitors, daemons, and bad stuff.

Unfortunately, such a place was nowhere to be found. (insert witty non-bum related joke here )

Fortunately, Max was able to find a place that lacked Inquisitors and Acolytes, and just had bad stuff.

fortunately, it was just a grot.

Unfortunately, the previous poster used fortunately where he should have used unfortunately. Fortunately, I am unfortunately using unfortunately where I should be using fortunately, do to the previous posters ninja'd-ness.

(Fortunately?) the grot was also augmented...



...and fell in with Max as a sort of side-kick

Unfortunately the Grot's augmetics also required batteries.

Max tried to remember if there was a branch of Batteriz 'R' Uz anywhere nearby.

Fortunately (for the grot) he was short enough to easily reach in and snatch Max's batteries, and then make a clean get-away.

The grot's name, by the by, was Shim. So Shim buzzed off in his newly-powered augmetic suit, leaving Max the sucker behind.

Unfortunately for Shim, Ogryns have long arms. Max caught him as he tried to dash away, and Shim hung in mid-air, windmilling his arms and legs and making funny noises.

Fortunately for Max, he'd just become hungry again and had a nice grot to snack on.

Unfortunately, the grot had a strange illness, so when Max ate him, he started to turn into a grot as well

Fortunately, Max threw up.

Unfortunately, the metamorphosys had already begun. Now Max was doomed to turn into a grot

Fortunately, due to his odd Ogryn biology, the illness, which usually turned humans into Grots, turned Max into an Ork instead.
(I'm amazed this has got to 10 pages, its been fantastic so far, Keep it up!)

Unfortunately, due to combination of strange illness, becoming an Ork, eating batteries and having an augmetic arse with no power supply,

Huff, huff, huff, huff...

Max was unable to keep it up any longer.

"What on Terra will Mrs Max say?" he thought gloomily. With him as an Ork, a Tau wife who may have died several pages back probably would spurn him as she would spurn a rabid dog.

Fortunately, thanks to Max being an Ork, he decided that lots of Dakka was more important than some nagging wife, and quickly pushed her out of his mind. His new thoughts consisted entirely of 3 things: What small animals could he kick that were nearby, Where was the nearest bush so he could take a bio-break, and how could he secure moar dakka? - and not necessarily in that order!

Unfortunately all the nearby vegetation had been burned by the Ring of Fire, so there was nowhere for a bio-break or for small animals to hide in.

Max considered whether to regurgitate the Grot in order to kick it. Of course he didn't think of it like that. He thought about spewin' up.

Maybe between a dead Grot, a handful of dead batteries, an unpowered augmetic arse and a mysterious chup, he could bash something together.

Fortunately, that's what he did. Although he had absolutely no idea how it worked, or even what it was, for that matter.

(Ninja'ed!)

Unfortunately for Max, the regurgitated Shim was just pretending to be dead. In his now-chup-powered augmetic suit, he made off with all of Max's loot, yelling over his should "Who has moar Dakka now, eh?"

Max was left with a choice- chase after Shim to retrieve his bashed-together creation, or go in search of other small animals to kick.