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sonofruss wrote:Pizza pie is good but it won't replace turtle pie at least turtles are making it. all hale turtle pie

It's actually part of a commercial for the "Ninja Turtle Pies", so they are, in fact, Turtles making Turtle Pie

To those false believers:

Hey we heard there was Pie, and War.

Join us, Brother BrotherStynier!

.....lol

Is chaplain shrike still here?
We need guidance and pics of calgar. Do not let the pie die for the turtle and the pie

ungulateman wrote:Join us, Brother BrotherStynier!

.....lol

I do formally request to join in response to your offer, though I believe I have to drop one of the Brothers from my title...

PLEASE READ!!!

I notice Shrike hasn't posted in a while. Does anyone know what happened?

I assume that our Master of Sanctity is purging heretics and empowering the loyal in the realms of the "Real World". Should our valiant leader not return soon, the warriors of the Templars Testudine might be dispatched on a quest to locate him.

In response to your request, BrotherStynier, as Librarian of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, I welcome you to our order, as an acolyte in the ways of The Turtle and The Pie. May you gain strength from the protection of The Holy Shell, and Spiritual Sustainance from the Blessed Omni-Dessert.

God Of Yams wrote:All right, it seems that this thread is slowing down a little...So until Shrike comes back with some Marneus Piegar pictures, here's something Turtle Pie related:
Turtles making Pie!

sonofruss wrote:Is chaplain shrike still here?
We need guidance and pics of calgar. Do not let the pie die for the turtle and the pie

Golden Eyed Scout wrote: PLEASE READ!!!

I notice Shrike hasn't posted in a while. Does anyone know what happened?

It is clear that our beloved leader is missing in action. We can do nothing but pray to that which is most Delicious that he makes a safe return. Shrieks task is a most difficult one as he is preparing an avatar of PIE made manifest. The quality of which must be nothing short of amazing if it is to please The One Who Protects.

However, we face an unfathomable evil that treads on our door step. With each passing day, more and more fall from the light. We are at a time of war and we need a leader. The heresies of these foul scum must not go unpunished if we are to please our Master Pastry.

I am deeply saddened that our most wise leader has abandoned us in our time of need. We are about to reach the pinnacle of Crusty Nirvana and we are assailed by those who wish to drag the name of our Testamentary Treat through the mud.

If our order is to survive, we need a leader. That is why I now declare myself Supreme Warmaster of Turtle Pie. Under my guidance we shall bring the light to all corners of the bakery and destroy all those who stand before The Pie and it's followers.

All I demand is full cooperation and sworn allegiance to me until our Most Wise Chaplain Shriek returns from the void.
Those who fail to recognize me as Warmaster shall be punished with excommunication and death by chocolate.

The Shell Protects.

aunshova wrote:
It is clear that our beloved leader is missing in action. We can do nothing but pray to that which is most Delicious that he makes a safe return. Shrieks task is a most difficult one as he is preparing an avatar of PIE made manifest. The quality of which must be nothing short of amazing if it is to please The One Who Protects.

However, we face an unfathomable evil that treads on our door step. With each passing day, more and more fall from the light. We are at a time of war and we need a leader. The heresies of these foul scum must not go unpunished if we are to please our Master Pastry.

I am deeply saddened that our most wise leader has abandoned us in our time of need. We are about to reach the pinnacle of Crusty Nirvana and we are assailed by those who wish to drag the name of our Testamentary Treat through the mud.

If our order is to survive, we need a leader. That is why I now declare myself Supreme Warmaster of Turtle Pie. Under my guidance we shall bring the light to all corners of the bakery and destroy all those who stand before The Pie and it's followers.

All I demand is full cooperation and sworn allegiance to me until our Most Wise Chaplain Shriek returns from the void.
Those who fail to recognize me as Warmaster shall be punished with excommunication and death by chocolate.

The Shell Protects.

DearMr. Aunshova
It has always been custom within those who truly appreciate Turtle Pie to not claim titles for themselves, but instead ask that others receive them. You're declaration of superiority over the Church is most heinous indeed, as even when Shrike was posting he consulted others (especially the saints) before making decisions that would affect the Church. I regret to inform you that if you do not desist, your declaration of warmastery could very well be seen as heresy.

Sincerely,
God Of Yams

A division within the church?

...A grave situation indeed.

However, in the absence of the God-Emper- ergh, I mean Shrike, the church requires strong leadership and a stern hand to deal with the heretical "church of the pi" and other impending threats. The Imperium of Pie is at risk, and I for one will offer my sword to the Warmaster.

Pie for the Pie-ous!

Where Farsight goes division follows. As The eldest and longest serving Tau member of The most Holy Turtle Pie, both omni-dessert and omni-church. I denounce the actions of Aunshova and call for a council to decide on how best to handle the subversive Tau breakaway factions led by Grabthar and Aunshova.

Now you see turtle pie will fall there is already rebellion in your church.

Of course if you want to dispose of aunshova you could hand him over to us we know haw to deal with... dissidents

DearMr. Aunshova
It has always been custom within those who truly appreciate Turtle Pie to not claim titles for themselves, but instead ask that others receive them. You're declaration of superiority over the Church is most heinous indeed, as even when Shrike was posting he consulted others (especially the saints) before making decisions that would affect the Church. I regret to inform you that if you do not desist, your declaration of warmastery could very well be seen as heresy.

Sincerely,
God Of Yams

Oh Yams, how misguided you are. Truely someone as wise as you must see that these desperate times call for action. We cannot stand idly by as our faith is ravaged by those who wish to dismantle our truly great establishment. Please, I extend my hand to you and offer you grace. Take up my banner and fight for the Great Pie In the Sky. There can only be one outcome from disobedience, and it is a fate far worse than death.

DebonaireToast wrote:A division within the church?

...A grave situation indeed.

However, in the absence of the God-Emper- ergh, I mean Shrike, the church requires strong leadership and a stern hand to deal with the heretical "church of the pi" and other impending threats. The Imperium of Pie is at risk, and I for one will offer my sword to the Warmaster.

Pie for the Pie-ous!

See the faith this young one puts forth? Master Debonaire, I accept your induction and elevate you to the position of Acolyte of the Church. Do well and bring Glory to it's name and you will be rewarded.

focusedfire wrote:Where Farsight goes division follows. As The eldest and longest serving Tau member of The most Holy Turtle Pie, both omni-dessert and omni-church. I denounce the actions of Aunshova and call for a council to decide on how best to handle the subversive Tau breakaway factions led by Grabthar and Aunshova.

Master Focusedfire, your slanderous tone is most unnerving. I am trying to unify the Church and bring forth a new Golden Crust. Please, I do not wish to make enemies of my closest brothers. Take up my banner and fight for what you know is the right thing to do. I will not hesitate to punish subordination if you do not concur.

youbedead wrote:Now you see turtle pie will fall there is already rebellion in your church.

Of course if you want to dispose of aunshova you could hand him over to us we know haw to deal with... dissidents

You're words shall be the death of you foul heretic! This is not a rebellion, but a unification. If failed policies must be swept aside in order to prosper then so be it. You and your kind will be wiped from the history slates.

For the Mighty Turtle, and It's Most Delicious!

aunshova wrote:
Oh Yams, how misguided you are. Truely someone as wise as you must see that these desperate times call for action. We cannot stand idly by as our faith is ravaged by those who wish to dismantle our truly great establishment. Please, I extend my hand to you and offer you grace. Take up my banner and fight for the Great Pie In the Sky. There can only be one outcome from disobedience, and it is a fate far worse than death.

Oh my, by no means should the church be without leadership, but while Shrike is away, we have three saints and an elder librarian to look after things, a priest declaring himself absolute commander is not the solution. Your reasoning is that we need your leadership to combat heresy, but we are already quite adept at this, as the guardians AND space marine legions AND inducted guard are quite cabable of protecting the Turtle Pie from heresy.


Focusedfire, I agree, but I think we should allow some time for these usurpers to think about what they are doing before we commit to anything rash.

aunshova wrote:

focusedfire wrote:Where Farsight goes division follows. As The eldest and longest serving Tau member of The most Holy Turtle Pie, both omni-dessert and omni-church. I denounce the actions of Aunshova and call for a council to decide on how best to handle the subversive Tau breakaway factions led by Grabthar and Aunshova.

Master Focusedfire, your slanderous tone is most unnerving. I am trying to unify the Church and bring forth a new Golden Crust. Please, I do not wish to make enemies of my closest brothers. Take up my banner and fight for what you know is the right thing to do. I will not hesitate to punish subordination if you do not concur.

I, Gently, remind my wayward brother that the ranks of Scholar and Priest are EQUAL within the hierarchy of the church and since we are of equal rank I am allowed to pull SENORITY in this matter and order you to cease and desist in this madness until the Church Council decides upon the best course of action.

May the Omni-dessert guide us in this Dark Hour

God Of Yams wrote:Focusedfire, I agree, but I think we should allow some time for these usurpers to think about what they are doing before we commit to anything rash.

As always, your council is wise St. God Of Yams. This is why I called for a council. Not wishing to be rash, I look to the Saints, Elders, and the divine wisdom of the Omni-desert to guide us through these troubled waters.

God Of Yams wrote:
Oh my, by no means should the church be without leadership, but while Shrike is away, we have three saints and an elder librarian to look after things, a priest declaring himself absolute commander is not the solution. Your reasoning is that we need your leadership to combat heresy, but we are already quite adept at this, as the guardians AND space marine legions AND inducted guard are quite cabable of protecting the Turtle Pie from heresy.

Focusedfire, I agree, but I think we should allow some time for these usurpers to think about what they are doing before we commit to anything rash.

I have thought about it long enough Yams. The time for discussion is over. The time for action is now. These so called Saints and Librarians are nothing but figure-heads and pencil pushers. They sit by the wayside and count beans while countless lives are sacrificed. The men are starting to grow weary of what they are truly fighting for. True heresy would to let these mortals be extinguished for uncertainty. That is why I take up the reins of Warmaster in order to give these men hope. The men need someone they can look up to. That is why I am here. I will lead these men with unwavering zeal. More followers will flock to my banner. To deny my leadership is to deny the light of That which is Most Delicious.

I offer you one last chance to rethink your ultimatum. Make the right choice, or suffer the consequences.

Pie for the Pie-us!

The church most be united under the one true Crust - the delicious, flaky, golden brown Crust - of the Turtle Pie.

Unification is not always easy - sometimes it is painful - but, regardless of the cost it is imperative that we come together under the Warmaster's banner in order to smite the pi-heretics and bask in the life-giving light of the one true Pie.

Join us - in the name of the Pie, the Turtle, and the Flaky Crust.

Pie for the Pie-ous!!

Reaper6 wrote:
In response to your request, BrotherStynier, as Librarian of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, I welcome you to our order, as an acolyte in the ways of The Turtle and The Pie. May you gain strength from the protection of The Holy Shell, and Spiritual Sustainance from the Blessed Omni-Dessert.

I thank you oh wise Brother Librarian, I shall not fail you or the one true dessert. Blessed be the Omni-Dessert.

I see that a great darkness has over come us my more senior Brothers, this Aunshova Heresy, shouldn't be tolerated. Forgive me brothers if I speak out of turn, or am over zealous but as a warrior, though in this Holy Order a lowly and grateful acolyte, it is my duty to do so. The heretic should, and must suffer the ultimate punishment.

Though the time is dark my faith shines bright. The Omni-Dessert protects.

Could you guys please tell your people to stop leaving their flyers on my door? I'm having trouble getting the stains out.

Deadshane1 wrote:Could you guys please tell your people to stop leaving their flyers on my door? I'm having trouble getting the stains out.

Oh no, I told them to stop leaving the staining kind of flyer.

I assure you deadshane, from now on you will only recieve completely clean flyers...

No problem...its not that I mind receiving the flyers, they've been quite informative.

I'm one of those "if you can see it or touch it, its there" kind of guys. Faith has never come easy for me. The IDEA of Turtle Pie is a great one, I just have trouble beleiving.

Shakes his head at Aunshova poor poor deluded acolyte. We should all band together For the turtle and the pie.
the armies march

Loyalist Brothers, I humbly propose the appointment of sonofruss, to the position of Lord Commander of the Loyalist Forces, Church of the Children of Turtle Pie, until such a time that the title and position is no longer needed.

We must be prepared for the eventuality of the civil war, my company still stands ready to assist.

The Omni-Dessert guides my blade.

(Edit, fixed what brother sonofruss pointed out)

BrotherStynier wrote:Loyalist Brothers, I humbly propose the appointment of sonofruss, to the position of Lord Commander of the Loyalist Forces, Church of the Children of turtle Pie, until such a time that the title and position is no longer needed.

We must be prepared for the eventuality of the civil war, my company still stands ready to assist.

The Omni-Dessert guides my blade.

Fixed that for you all hale turtle pie

Thank you brother, how foolish of me to slip up.

Omni-Dessert protect you.

AUNSHOVA ! ENOUGH !

Insolent whelp ! I supported your entry to our order, and THIS is how you repay me ?

You are forgetting your pledge to learn from our faith. Show the patience of our Most Holy Turtle, and resist the tempation to haste, for that will taint your perception of the true joy that is Pie.

WE DO NOT NEED A WARMASTER, we still have the guiding hand of our Saint, and I have faith that our Master of Sanctity shall indeed return one day. We should be showing UNITY in the face of the heresy at our door, not fighting within our ranks and inviting heresy within.

Submit your offer of penance, and I may be inclined to be merciful, but if you persist in this powermongering you shall be brought low. Of those members of the Church of the Children of Turtle Pie still operational I, after our Most Holy Saint, am the most senior, and even I do not lay false claim to any title.

REPENT OR SUFFER THE WRATH OF YOUR LIBRARIAN.

Choose now, and choose wisely, your fate hangs upon this decision.

Your words mean nothing mortals. The almighty Omni-dessert has blessed me with a vision.

Only under unity will the Pie prosper. You fools are nothing but lapdogs for a false pretender to the Pie. Your "leader" has abandoned you and left you to rot while he fiddles around with his hobbies.

No more will the men die under the false tether strings of Shriek. No more will they sacrifice themselves for an uncertain future. These "saints" cannot offer these men the will they need to fight on. Everyday, more and more flock to my banner. Countless thousands pledge their allegiance to me and the Great Pie in the Sky. And as of now, I control one third of the Pie-us Protectorate Legions ready to cast down these pretenders to the Pie.

Prepare yourselves fools. My armies march upon your capitals knowing total and complete victory will be accomplished under my guidance. Your phony bastions will burn in the night sky and your corpses shall adorn the street lamps for all to see. Join me or Die.

GO FORWARD MY BROTHERS! BRING THESE LIARS TO THEIR SALVATION IN DEATH! GRANT THEM A HERETICS BENEDICTION!









FOR THE PIE AND IT'S MOST PIE-US

I now reject my title as priest as was given to me by the false Pie-Master, Shriek.

Judgment has come for you fools.