Adepta Sororitas Sense of Humor: 1,001 Sisters jokes

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**Thatguyhsagun**

Happyjew wrote:
cygnnus wrote:
Q: How many Tech Priests does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: 10. One to change the lightbulb and one to praise the Omnissiah.

HAH!

I dont get it...

**Nevelon**

Thatguyhsagun wrote:
Happyjew wrote:
cygnnus wrote:
Q: How many Tech Priests does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: 10. One to change the lightbulb and one to praise the Omnissiah.

HAH!

I dont get it...

There are 10 kinds of people in the galaxy; those who understand binary, and those who don't.

**Thatguyhsagun**

Nevelon wrote:
Thatguyhsagun wrote:
Happyjew wrote:
cygnnus wrote:
Q: How many Tech Priests does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: 10. One to change the lightbulb and one to praise the Omnissiah.

HAH!

I dont get it...

There are 10 kinds of people in the galaxy; those who understand binary, and those who don't.

next year ill be taking binary. pretty sure i get it now though
go back to talking to your toaster you cog heads

**AL-PiXeL01**

Q: how many ultra marines does it take to change a light bulb?
A: none, the procedure isn't described on the Codex Astartes!

Q: why are cases involving Alpha Legion always easy to solve?
A: Alpharius always does it.

**Largeblastmarker**

AL-PiXeL01 wrote:
Q: how many ultra marines does it take to change a light bulb?
A: none, the procedure isn't described on the Codex Astartes!

it is funny because it's true.

**Gutsnagga**

Thatguyhsagun wrote:
Happyjew wrote:
necrondog99 wrote:
A sister-superior walks up to a space wolf at the after-invasion party and says "Sir, you are drunk," and the Spacewolf replies "Ma'am, you are ugly. In the morning I shall be sober."

I don't get it. Since when are Space Wolves sober?

i thought the same thing after reading that.

Guys, please get a historical edumacation.

EDIT: Kroothawk got it

I love Winston Churchill

The Sister Superior saw the Imperial Guard Colonel sending his men into battle, carelessly wasting their lives in the meatgrinder.
She said to him 'Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison you.'
He said back 'Sister, if you were my wife, I would take it!'

**AL-PiXeL01**

Why do salamanders and the sisters work so well together?

They are hot for each other.

**Psienesis**

AL-PiXeL01 wrote:
Why do salamanders and the sisters work so well together?

They are hot for each other.

Hehe.

This one makes me think of cheesy, 40K-themed Valentine's Day cards (like those terrible chalk-candies they give out on Valentine's Day). Like, a Sternguard with a Plasmacannon, captioned "Overheating 4 U" (like those terrible chalk-candies they give out on Valentine's Day).

**Kain**

Psienesis wrote:
AL-PiXeL01 wrote:
Why do salamanders and the sisters work so well together?

They are hot for each other.

Hehe.

This one makes me think of cheesy, 40K-themed Valentine's Day cards (like those terrible chalk-candies they give out on Valentine's Day). Like, a Sternguard with a Plasmacannon, captioned "Overheating 4 U" (like those terrible chalk-candies they give out on Valentine's Day).

And the Necron valentine says "Some say til death do us part. Some people are also *PANSIES*."

**laginess**

This reminds me of an old thread I read full of PDF memes.

So much greatness

**SisterSydney**

SISTER KORIANDER: Hey Sister! Why do we like Black Templars so much better than other Astartes, anyway?
SISTER RAVEN: Because they paint big black targets in their chests to draw fire.
SISTER KORIANDER: Yes, that is terribly thoughtful of them, isn't it?
SISTER RAVEN: Yes. Yes it is.
CHAPLAIN GRIMALDUS: Ver you just saying you needed our help vith something, my dear girls?
SISTER KORIANDER: Oh, no, sir.
SISTER RAVEN: We're fine, sir. Just.... You just keep standing right over there, sir.
CHAPLAIN GRIMALDUS: Vas, zo far away?
SISTER RAVEN: Yes, that's perfect.
CHAPLAIN GRIMALDUS: Oh. Okay.
[awkward pause]
CHAPLAIN GRIMALDUS: I haf to say zis hurts mein feelink ein little bit.

**Largeblastmarker**

the joke actualy goes

If you were my husband I would poison your tea

If you were my wife I would drink it. Just saying.

**SisterSydney**

I know that Koriander and Raven are a rather, well, odd choice of odd couple for these jokes, but I find my other favorite fictional females don't work as well:

SISTER GINEVRA: Look, those Tau have no noses. How do they even smell?
SISTER HERMIONE: Well, actually that's quite interesting, because ...
SISTER GINEVRA: No, you're supposed to say "terrible."
SISTER HERMIONE: ...while one might assume the long vertical slit in the face of a Tau corresponds to the human nose...
SISTER GINEVRA: No, Hermione, it's a joke, you're supposed to say...
SISTER HERMIONE: ... in fact the olfactory organs of a Tau are located inside its mouth, quite possibly due to....
SISTER GINEVRA: Isn't there going to be a bloody punch line?
SISTER REPENTIA LUNA LOVEGOOD: Crumple-horned snorkacks have the "Monstrous Creature" rule.
SISTER HERMIONE: There's no such thing!
SISTER GINEVRA: That's it, that's done it, I quit.
[storms off]
SISTER REPENTIA LUNA LOVEGOOD: Come back, we haven't even done the Churchill bits yet!
SISTER HERMIONE: Luna, what are you wearing?
SISTER REPENTIA LUNA LOVEGOOD: D'you like it?

SISTER BUFFY: Hey, Sister! Which does the Imperium persecute more savagely, witches or lesbians?
SISTER WILLOW: Ummm... kthxbai gottagonow.

SISTER LEIA: Hey, Sister, why do George Lucas's films fail the Bechdel test?
[long silence. Crickets chirp. A coyote howls]
SISTER LEIA: Yeah, that's what I thought too.

**SisterSydney**

Slight tangent: This special character I've proposed is pretty serious, but there's a fair dose of dark humor in her background fluff....

**SebastionSynn**

this thread deserves an Exalt, and is granted one.

**SisterSydney**

Thanks for Exalting. Also, where do the movie quotes in your signature come from? They sound pretty funny too.

**sing your life**

GUARDSMAN: sister, do you have a moment?
SISTER: What is it?
GUARDSMAN: Would you like me to show you my cock?
SISTER: [suprised] er, yes?
GUARDSMAN: ok then.
[Get's his pet chicken out of its box]

**BaronIveagh**

SisterSydney wrote:
Thanks for Exalting. Also, where do the movie quotes in your signature come from? They sound pretty funny too.

First is from Aliens. Other two are from Red Dwarf.

**SebastionSynn**

BaronIveagh wrote:
SisterSydney wrote:
Thanks for Exalting. Also, where do the movie quotes in your signature come from? They sound pretty funny too.

First is from Aliens. Other two are from Red Dwarf.

yep, that's exactly where they come from. the Aliens movies are in the top 5 of my all time favorite movies, and Red Dwarf is one of my favorite sci-fi series shows.

**Engine of War**

Sister 1: What do you call a dysfunctional Leman Russ Tank?
Sister 2: What?
Sister 1: a Lemon Russ.
Guardsmen Tanker: I should shoot the both of you for that feth awful pun.

**Ironwill13791**

This is some good stuff. Keep it up.

**BaronIveagh**

Several Grey Knights were standing around with their Inquisitor bragging about their Dreadknight in earshot of a group of sisters. The unimpressed sister superior approached the Inquisitor and informed him that they had several captured heretics for placement in Penitent Engines. Looking at the Dreadknight, she added "But, I can see this one is already occupied."

Brothers of the Inferno Lords Space Marine Chapter were astonished one morning to find their Land Raider Redeemer 'Infernis Infinium' missing. Also missing was a squad of battle sisters and enough flamers to outfit all of them. It did not take long for the Marines and their sister superior to put two and two together. On returning with the land raider, all their flamer fuel expended, the sister superior demanded what they had to say.

"Can we have one?"

**SebastionSynn**

Sister Alice - What do you call a Tyranid running from a storefront?
Sister May - A Jean Stealer.

Sister Alice- What do you call a Tyranid wearing Calvin Kleins?
Sister May - A gene stealer cultist

Sister Alice - What's the difference between a space wolf and an alcoholic?
Sister May - there isn't one.

Sister Alice - two grey knights walk into a bar..
Sister May - and the sister ducks.

Sister Alice - what do you call a murder of tyranid gargoyles?
Sister May - a duck hunt.

Sister Alice - what's the difference between a Great Knorloc and a Squiggoth?
Sister May - the ones deep fried and tastes like gator, the other is extra crispy and tastes like chicken.

Sister Alice - why do grey klnights throw their garbage out in clear bags?
Sister May - so tyranids can go window shopping.

**Happyjew**

SebastionSynn wrote:
Sister Alice - What's the difference between a space wolf and an alcoholic?
Sister May - there isn't one.

This is incorrect.

The correct joke is as follows:

Sister Alice - What's the difference between a Space Wolf and an alcoholic?
Sister May - Alcoholics go to meetings.

**poda_t**

Q: What did the Retributor ask of her husband?
A: "Does this make me look heavy"?

A sister superior leaves heretics in the care of of a battle sister, and as she leaves, she says "don't grill them too hard". Hours later she finds the sister in the convent.
"what, finished already? how did they go?
"well, the skinnier weaker ones crisped out quickly, there was no helping that, but the plump ones came out well done.

Sister A: How are khornate daemons best served?
Sister B: Medium rare.

**AL-PiXeL01**

Q: Why do the sisters prefer to face Slanesh cultists?
A: all they need to do is advertise the painful "pleasures" of the torture racks and the cultists turn themselves in

**Selym**

The jokes could do with being numbered imo, it'll make it easier to reference then

Good stuff, btw

**SisterSydney**

For those who want a little more humor in their 40K, this thread on the relationship -- and even "relationships" -- between Sisters and Grey Knights got pretty funny: Scroll down to the image of a GK handing a Sister a flower and read the responses....

**KommissarKiln**

Sister 1: Knock, knock.
Sister 2: Who's there?
Sister 1: An inquisitor; but you've asked too many questions already.

**SisterSydney**

Inquisitorial bolt pistol: BLAM.