the shrouded lord wrote: I dont hate sex. I hate how it seems to be the main purpose o relationships these days. Also, I have no interest in sex. I just don't want to have sex and don't see a point to having sex unless you wish to procreate (which I never plan on doing).
Well for some it can definitely get you into a lot of trouble and ruin some lives including your own. It is fun having it though.
That said if you don't wish to have sex and don't want to procreate then what's the point of even wanting to have your balls and such. I'd just find it incredibly bothersome to have an extra thing tying me down (no pun intended).
in all seriousness, peeing. also, there are other ways to....I'm not talking about this.
You don't need your balls to pee. Anyway i'm totally fine ending that particular conversation. Sorry if it went a little too far.
Avatar 720 wrote: So if someone says they aren't interested in having sex, they're either asexual, or a prude? Seems excessively judgemental.
What's judgmental about it? Are you assuming that "asexual" is some kind of insult instead of just a neutral description of a person's interest in sex? Or are you objecting to using the "prude" label to describe the kind of person (sadly common in gaming/geek communities) who fails at sex and relationships, concludes that they must be incredibly overrated, and wonders why anyone could care about those things?
Automatically Appended Next Post:
the shrouded lord wrote: I just don't want to have sex and don't see a point to having sex unless you wish to procreate (which I never plan on doing).
The point is to have fun. Wondering why people have sex outside of making babies is like wondering why people eat nice food instead of bland mush and nutrient pills.
I object to calling someone a prude because they don't share the same enthusiasm for sex that somebody else does, and treating it as if it's a negative trait as opposed to a personal viewpoint that some people here are astoundingly interested in deriding, despite it being none of their damn business.
But that's just me, I couldn't give less of a damn how interested someone else is in sex, or their reasons behind it, because their opinions don't affect me; I find it frankly absurd how someone can't say they're not interested in sex without being treated like they're simply delusional. Is it that hard to just let it go?
Avatar 720 wrote: I object to calling someone a prude because they don't share the same enthusiasm for sex that somebody else does, and treating it as if it's a negative trait as opposed to a personal viewpoint that some people here are astoundingly interested in deriding, despite it being none of their damn business.
But that's just me, I couldn't give less of a damn how interested someone else is in sex, or their reasons behind it, because their opinions don't affect me; I find it frankly absurd how someone can't say they're not interested in sex without being treated like they're simply delusional. Is it that hard to just let it go?
Avatar 720 wrote: I object to calling someone a prude because they don't share the same enthusiasm for sex that somebody else does, and treating it as if it's a negative trait as opposed to a personal viewpoint that some people here are astoundingly interested in deriding, despite it being none of their damn business.
But that's just me, I couldn't give less of a damn how interested someone else is in sex, or their reasons behind it, because their opinions don't affect me; I find it frankly absurd how someone can't say they're not interested in sex without being treated like they're simply delusional. Is it that hard to just let it go?
I don't mind the idea of not wanting it too much but it's just a curious thing for me to NEVER be interested in anything sexually even once without being asexual.
Avatar 720 wrote: I object to calling someone a prude because they don't share the same enthusiasm for sex that somebody else does, and treating it as if it's a negative trait as opposed to a personal viewpoint that some people here are astoundingly interested in deriding, despite it being none of their damn business.
I don't see how anyone is treating it as a negative. Questioning how someone who has never had sex can have an informed opinion, or if it's a genuine lack of interest instead of a reaction to failing at sex/dating? Sure. But nobody is saying "if you have a low sex drive then you suck".
Also, the shrouded lord didn't just say "I'm not interested in sex", they said how they hate that relationships are about sex these days and that they don't see any point in it unless you're having kids. That isn't expressing an opinion about their own life, it's being judgmental about what other people are doing.
But that's just me, I couldn't give less of a damn how interested someone else is in sex, or their reasons behind it, because their opinions don't affect me; I find it frankly absurd how someone can't say they're not interested in sex without being treated like they're simply delusional. Is it that hard to just let it go?
This is an advice thread, not a "share your feelings" thread. If people don't want to give or receive advice then they shouldn't be posting here.
the shrouded lord wrote: I dont hate sex. I hate how it seems to be the main purpose o relationships these days. Also, I have no interest in sex. I just don't want to have sex and don't see a point to having sex unless you wish to procreate (which I never plan on doing).
A direct quote so we don't mince words.
The only bit that seems judgmental is hating how it seems to be the main purpose of relationships these days. 'Seems' meaning it appears to be and he was mentioning it's happening now. He never said he hated those that did it just how it seems to be the main purpose or the supposed purpose. So i'm unsure if it's judgmental.
Either way let's get back on to the dating bit so as to not get this thread locked.
What's been going on in the daily social lives of all you guys? Sorry if it seems to be prying but that's the point of the thread and you don't have to say if you don't want to.
Step 1. Go to Barnes & Noble (preferably) or any small indie book store as a backup
Step 2. Don't be creepy. This is a tough one for us Dakkaites.
Step 3. Say Hi, be nice, introduce yourself. Be genuinely interested but not invasive.
Step 4. Buy her a book.
Step 5. Profit.
Well, after the new year, there were no interesting programmes in this club i like going, not to mention i was short on money after the Christmas(damn plastic crack )and the other club was temporarily closed... But next weekend i am going with my mates out. Will be sure to post how it went...
Let me check my English understanding. If prude means basically the same thing in English as it is in French, it is not about whether or not you are willing to have sex. Instead, it is more about if you are willing to talk openly about sex, or if you are going to be offended if anything remotely related to sex is being mentioned. Of course, refusing to see or hear anything even remotely related to sex tend to make you not have sex either, but it is not true the other way around. If the right definition is the same as the French one, then I know firsthand at least one of the “prude” here is definitely not prude at all. Less than me certainly.
Actually, in French, prude is the pejorative word that has the exact same meaning as the supposedly positive chaste. Wiktionary seems to confirm it is the same in English, but I have seen “modesty” used a lot in place of “chastity”. [edit]Or maybe actually modesty is more like the lesser version of chastity that we call “pudeur” in French, and that is mostly about yourself? Like, not showing too much of your body, not talking too much about yourself, rather than not talking about sex in general?[/edit]
the shrouded lord wrote: Also, I have no interest in sex. I just don't want to have sex and don't see a point to having sex unless you wish to procreate (which I never plan on doing).
And you are fourteen, if I recall correctly. So, I would say that this is just perfectly normal. Maybe that will change as you grow older. My advice would be to just keep in mind that you may change yours views on that and that there would be nothing wrong with it, and not worry about it in the meantime. Oh, and by “that”, I mean both recreative sex and procreation. Do not pressure yourself either way, and keep your mind open. I may talk a bit from experience there. And also the only difference between what you do not want to talk about and recreative sex is that in the second case, you are doing that with someone else (or more?). Sharing is caring. I mean it pretty literally here. You can just give someone a good time and receive in return! Keep that in mind for later, should you feel ready for it.
flamingkillamajig wrote: @Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl: Sorry you couldn't find somebody that might've gone for more than just a 'one night stand'. I was hoping we were on to something.
Hey, do not worry about me, I have this other date on Tuesday with another women that certainly is not looking for a one-night-stand . That is a date I am really looking forward to, to be honest .
flamingkillamajig wrote: About how far into it did she tell you she just wanted a 'one night stand'? Was it online or face to face?
Well, her profile did not really scream “looking for a long-term relationship” (I actually wrote a post about it here, and then I removed it before posting). Like for instance, in the OkCupid question system, she had marked some answers I made as bad. Like, for instance, “Will you consider having sex on the first date”, where I answered “no” . Then, during the actual date, we spent about 2 hours talking about random stuff. Though to be honest she did most of the talking. Then we went out to walk a bit, continued to talk about random stuff, got a bit cold, I thought we were going to just split and go home, but then said something like “I cannot figure out if we are going to sleep together tonight”, or something to that effect. That is basically when I understood she had not read through all the OkCupid questions I answered before messaging me, like I do. So I basically explained what she would have learned about me by reading the questions, mostly that I was still a virgin and full of inhibitions and all that. So she asked me if I wanted to do it, and like I said above, she was very kind and respectful, so she really insisted that it would be perfectly okay to say no and that I should not feel pressured to do it. That is when she made it perfectly clear it was going to be a one-night-stand. (And then stuff, that involved a whole lot of waiting, toilet problems, and a lot of cold. It took us about 2 hours just to reach my place ) So, yeah, very nice person, I am glad I got to share a night with her .
Easy E wrote: Now Hybrid, did any of our advice actually help you?
I guess what helped the most was “Register on Tinder”. Even though I actually did not register on Tinder, but on OkCupid instead . That, and be confident, take your chances… As you have seen above, she really did most of the job .
fifteen turning sixteen, but close enough so as to not be meaningful.
oh, forgot, did you sing "I just had sex" afterwards?
because if not, you probably made the right choice.
… no. No I did not do that, and I do not intend to ever do it, actually .
I am not sure I should go into the details, you know. But yeah, I do not know what is this thing with supposedly falling asleep immediately afterward, because we spent quite a long time speaking and cuddling after sex, and then we spent some time trying to sleep, and then my roommate was in the bathroom next to my room making what felt like tons of noise, and then it was past 8 o'clock and she had to leave .
Oh, and something else, more serious. If you ever, ever feel like you could not have a good, healthy relationship with someone while also having sex with her(/him/they/whatever), that is not true. I mean, especially if you have the impression that “it is working for others, but that is not for me”. That would be you rationalizing the fact that you are just not ready yet and that would be pretty bad for when you will become ready. You (and I mean “the shrouded lord” you, not some hypothetical general you) CAN have a healthy, respectful relationship with someone, be it a long-time partner or a one-night-stand, and still have sex with them. You do not have to, and should rather not do it before you feel ready, but do not turn it into some kind of taboo or anything like this.
(←we need an unanimated, more serious smiling face in addition to this one)
the shrouded lord wrote: see again, I'm not saying sex is evil or taboo or anything. I just don't think it should be all there is to a relationship.
I don't think anyone is saying that are they? As a statement, it's like saying 'I'm sorry to say this guys, but I really don't think we should eat the poor.'
Well, yeah. Of course not.
There should be (and are) different types of relationships. You can have a relationship with someone that is just about sex, if that's what you both want. Why not? I've done it occasionally. I have one girl in particular that I can call up pretty much any time and she'll be down to get high, and then get laid. Then we might not even so much as text each other for a year, and that's cool. We have fun.
It's not for everyone, but that's the beauty of life - you are allowed to choose what you want, romantically.
Automatically Appended Next Post: And I must say, I'm loving the new confident Hybrid! You feel like you're making progress mate?
the shrouded lord wrote: see again, I'm not saying sex is evil or taboo or anything. I just don't think it should be all there is to a relationship.
Well, that was not all you said. You also said “Also, I have no interest in sex. I just don't want to have sex and don't see a point to having sex unless you wish to procreate (which I never plan on doing).”
I mean, maybe I am wrong, but those two statement, added to the one about me being a good person… you kind of somehow remind me of myself when I was younger, so I am giving you the advice I would give myself . If it is not relevant, just ignore it.
Albatross wrote: I have one girl in particular that I can call up pretty much any time and she'll be down to get high, and then get laid. Then we might not even so much as text each other for a year, and that's cool. We have fun.
Just out of curiosity, is she sometimes the one calling?
Albatross wrote: And I must say, I'm loving the new confident Hybrid! You feel like you're making progress mate?
Yeah! I am really looking forward Tuesday date. I also feel way less pressure and more laid-back. Also, the girl from Wednesday evening did say I “did not realize how good-looking I was”, which is something that is very pleasant to hear . (And that I was hot, too, but that was to be understood literally. She was cold even when I brought her a plaid to add on top of the blanket, and she had to steal my body heat, which for some reason I had plenty of, to warm up. I really did enjoy that .)
Albatross wrote: I have one girl in particular that I can call up pretty much any time and she'll be down to get high, and then get laid. Then we might not even so much as text each other for a year, and that's cool. We have fun.
Just out of curiosity, is she sometimes the one calling?
Her preferred method of contact is usually to hit me up on facebook, if I'm free. We have no expectations of each other whatsoever, though.
Albatross wrote: And I must say, I'm loving the new confident Hybrid! You feel like you're making progress mate?
Yeah! I am really looking forward Tuesday date. I also feel way less pressure and more laid-back. Also, the girl from Wednesday evening did say I “did not realize how good-looking I was”, which is something that is very pleasant to hear . (And that I was hot, too, but that was to be understood literally. She was cold even when I brought her a plaid to add on top of the blanket, and she had to steal my body heat, which for some reason I had plenty of, to warm up. I really did enjoy that .)
Holy gak, I've created a monster!
Seriously though, It's good to hear your feeling positive man. It just goes to show what a little confidence and the bravery to try new things can do. You'll probably find it start to snowball from here - the more positive you feel, the more good experiences you'll have, which in turn leads to more positivity.
Incidentally, did you go with the new underwear? Weird question to ask another dude, I know....
Albatross wrote: Incidentally, did you go with the new underwear? Weird question to ask another dude, I know....
I did use the one lonely underwear I had that was like you said, yes. But I have not bought any new underwear since your advice, though, so I only have one.
Well I am currently saving for when my girlfriend comes to NY from Stockholm in May, can't wait. Anyone know some good date places in the center of NYC?
Also, on the topic of underwear. Bjorn Borg all the way.
The underwear of champions, the underarmor of Sweden, become a Swedish export today...
Okay, yeah. Sorry, I became an advertisement there. But, I did pick up a few (a lot,) of pairs in Sweden and they're comfy and the lady likes them. Just a suggestion/advice.
Also, apparently I totally hit on hot girls without realizing. Tonight at the gym I hit on a highschooler (which is fine, I just graduated last year myself,) and she liked it. I was hoping my buddy would jump in and hit on her so they would hit it off but, I didn't realize myself I was smooth talking her until he told me outside that I had been doing so.
I've had this problem since high school, I don't realize when I am hitting on someone, and when I am sincerely trying to I come across as a try hard. But, when it is natural and I'm not thinking, apparently I am really slick without meaning it.
I don't like this as I have an amazing girlfriend and I want to eventually marry her, and I am outstandingly against cheating. It's just when I find someone I don't dislike the conversation flows so smoothly. I feel really bad about it now but, I thought I was getting her interested in my friend when she was interested in me.
I know am a overthinker to, so I think that is what screws me. (Really messed with me in the service, I had to learn how "to just do it.")
I think next time I go I will give her my friends number and make up for involuntarily stealing the show tonight.
Also, got a speeding ticket. Maybe it is karma for earlier? Lastly, gratz Ox on your one night stand. I hope you find more though.
I just go Calvin Klein trunks as Kamloops doesn't seem to carry any boxers of that brand, but Bjorn Borg brand is way too flamboyant and tacky for my tastes.
See I would agree but, Born also has plain black and white ones. I get those, along with teal ones.
I dislike calvin Klein as they had Justin Beiber model for them and bad memories.
Growing up as a teenager I was dangerously skinning and whatnot, so family members tried to make suggestions for me to model for them repeatedly (which was really hiding the fact they were mocking my weight, of which I had no control at the time until that list bit of puberty kicked in.) So yeah, CK can go feth itself.
That's like the most superficial reasons to hate something, the Beiber thing is just bandwagoning in hopes of getting more money which is to be expected from corporations and the weight thing has to do with your family's sense of humour (or lack there of), that being said Bjorn Borg most
likely doesn't exist in Kamloops so I probably couldn't try even if I wanted to.
the shrouded lord wrote: fifteen turning sixteen, but close enough so as to not be meaningful.
oh, forgot, did you sing "I just had sex" afterwards?
because if not, you probably made the right choice.
I would've laughed more if his pubic hair turned super saiyan or he got a level up from that. The new and improved Hybrid has better stats.
Stormwall wrote: Lastly, gratz Ox on your one night stand. I hope you find more though.
Thanks .
flamingkillamajig wrote: I would've laughed more if his pubic hair turned super saiyan or he got a level up from that.
I would have freaked out a lot. And in this specific case, I guess it would have freaked her out too because that is not exactly the normal procedure .
It would be worse on the third time, though. Because glowing yellow pubic hair are something you can at least hide in your pants, but super-long glowing yellow pubic hair?
Stormwall wrote: Lastly, gratz Ox on your one night stand. I hope you find more though.
Thanks .
flamingkillamajig wrote: I would've laughed more if his pubic hair turned super saiyan or he got a level up from that.
I would have freaked out a lot. And in this specific case, I guess it would have freaked her out too because that is not exactly the normal procedure .
It would be worse on the third time, though. Because glowing yellow pubic hair are something you can at least hide in your pants, but super-long glowing yellow pubic hair?
Seriously, way this is going, we should rename the thread to "How to get laid" by Dakka.
To some, it might be the same thing.
But I decided something, Im no longer going to force a date or make getting one a goal. Im going to let it happen naturally and go out more and see where that takes me.
I mean, if i make it a goal, im going to wreck myself doing that.
Stormwall wrote: Lastly, gratz Ox on your one night stand. I hope you find more though.
Thanks .
flamingkillamajig wrote: I would've laughed more if his pubic hair turned super saiyan or he got a level up from that.
I would have freaked out a lot. And in this specific case, I guess it would have freaked her out too because that is not exactly the normal procedure .
It would be worse on the third time, though. Because glowing yellow pubic hair are something you can at least hide in your pants, but super-long glowing yellow pubic hair?
Somehow i want to watch the whole series now. It's like DBZ except with pubic hair. Everybody's after my dragon balls ;P.
Edit: Oh and that would be so painful if the hair got stuck in your pants zipper. Ouch.
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Back on topic has anybody else had any luck in their dating life? I feel like casually asking somebody about their sex life is really awkward but totally hilarious and inappropriate.
What is fzorgle, and why does dakka translate it as “lash of submission”?
Are you actually advising to lash people into submission, so that they agree to have sex with you? That seems very wrong to me .
What is fzorgle, and why does dakka translate it as “lash of submission”?
Are you actually advising to lash people into submission, so that they agree to have sex with you? That seems very wrong to me .
What is fzorgle, and why does dakka translate it as “lash of submission”?
Are you actually advising to lash people into submission, so that they agree to have sex with you? That seems very wrong to me .
A quick Google brings up nothing but Lash of Submission.
Seriously, way this is going, we should rename the thread to "How to get laid" by Dakka.
To some, it might be the same thing.
But I decided something, Im no longer going to force a date or make getting one a goal. Im going to let it happen naturally and go out more and see where that takes me.
I mean, if i make it a goal, im going to wreck myself doing that.
Honestly, this is a good strategy. Just focus on being places where you are in front of people of the opposite sex and just let it happen. Be fun and interesting and you will get dates.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: If that is what you were thinking, consensual use of a lash after finding someone willing to have sex with you is of course another thing entirely.
I'm curious if any of the ladies here in this thread would help us guys out with advice on what ladies might like. Perhaps that could help get some of us guys on the right track.
Hope it's also not too terrible to ask if any of the women here would like to talk to some of us some time. Maybe we could find a match here though i'm guessing being on a war-gaming site and living in different countries won't help. Internet relationships don't seem to work out but i suppose trying never hurts.
@hybrid: At least your pubic hair didn't go super saiyan 2. Imagine your features down there getting all muscled. Then again maybe that's a good thing lol. It just might weigh a ton while using and you might lean forward every day due to the weight throwing you off.
Oh ok. I do tend to make women feel awkward. The last girl i really liked would sometimes be sorta drunk when we talked. While that's not good sometimes i joke that a woman would need to be drunk first to put up with talking to me. Long as she doesn't lean over to kiss and suddenly she vomits on my crotch.
Anyway i'm sorry if my posts seem terrible. I don't think i'm such a bad guy but i just mess up with the ladies. I use humor to lighten things up a bit. It's helped me get through life ok.
I'm just going to interpret that as being 100% uninterested though.
As long as i didn't know you for a long time and there was no interest being thrown out from both parties like the last girl i really liked then i'm totally ok if things just get dropped.
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My main issue is i normally want a gamer girlfriend but every time i feel like it's an uphill battle. Perhaps i should try getting interested in things more girls than guys like. I mean when i took that psychology class there was like a 3 to 1 girl to guy ratio and some women seemed to enjoy me being in the class. Man i need to go back to school. The sooner i do the sooner i can get this whole relationship thing set.
Ok fine i don't want to offend. I'm just not into those types of people. They're not bad people i'm just not into them. It's like forcing somebody to give somebody a chance because they're a gender they aren't attracted to. It just doesn't do it for me but i'll drop it.
As long as i didn't know you for a long time and there was no interest being thrown out from both parties like the last girl i really liked then i'm totally ok if things just get dropped.
Yeh I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year and a half now.
As for the gamer thing, I suppose it's nice but that's more or less one aspect of a person. If you can find more you can probably share interests and get a bit involved in each other's hobbies. Like can look at it a bit more broadly that way.
As long as i didn't know you for a long time and there was no interest being thrown out from both parties like the last girl i really liked then i'm totally ok if things just get dropped.
Yeh I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year and a half now.
As for the gamer thing, I suppose it's nice but that's more or less one aspect of a person. If you can find more you can probably share interests and get a bit involved in each other's hobbies.
And you're also a girl right? Hmm well i won't elaborate. I never did get the whole interest with guys liking girls that just like other girls. I mean it's asking somebody to be interested in something they aren't interested in. I suppose i'm totally ok with being friends with a girl if she is just straight up only into women. That actually seemed kind of common on another wargaming forum i used to be on.
As long as i didn't know you for a long time and there was no interest being thrown out from both parties like the last girl i really liked then i'm totally ok if things just get dropped.
Yeh I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year and a half now.
As for the gamer thing, I suppose it's nice but that's more or less one aspect of a person. If you can find more you can probably share interests and get a bit involved in each other's hobbies.
And you're also a girl right? Hmm well i won't elaborate. I never did get the whole interest with guys liking girls that just like other girls. I mean it's asking somebody to be interested in something they aren't interested in. I suppose i'm totally ok with being friends with a girl if she is just straight up only into women. That actually seemed kind of common on another wargaming forum i used to be on.
Honestly the whole "challenge accepted" approach to it is annoying and insulting. Sadly not that rare either. -.-
flamingkillamajig wrote: My main issue is i normally want a gamer girlfriend but every time i feel like it's an uphill battle.
Why do you want a gamer girl so badly? Truly you have enough varied interests that you can connect with people on other subjects and activities.
Gaming is my biggest one. Sometimes i like philosophy and science and aim to be a scientist some time. That said gaming whether with video games or war-gaming with models tends to be my biggest interest by far.
You are right though i'm sure. Perhaps i should branch out a bit. I just love gaming a lot.
As long as i didn't know you for a long time and there was no interest being thrown out from both parties like the last girl i really liked then i'm totally ok if things just get dropped.
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My main issue is i normally want a gamer girlfriend but every time i feel like it's an uphill battle. Perhaps i should try getting interested in things more girls than guys like. I mean when i took that psychology class there was like a 3 to 1 girl to guy ratio and some women seemed to enjoy me being in the class. Man i need to go back to school. The sooner i do the sooner i can get this whole relationship thing set.
Saying that you want a gamer girlfriend is just making it hard for yourself. There are girls that are into gaming and even wargaming, but trying to pick girls up at cons, tournaments and FLGS is a horrible, horrible idea.
When I was a single teenage nerd I wish that there was something like Dr. Nerdlove. This site is full of great advice about dating and meeting girls. I figured most of this stuff out myself, but when I read it I find myself nodding in agreement. You should especially read this article: http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2011/09/dont-date-geek-girls/all/1/
As long as i didn't know you for a long time and there was no interest being thrown out from both parties like the last girl i really liked then i'm totally ok if things just get dropped.
Yeh I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year and a half now.
As for the gamer thing, I suppose it's nice but that's more or less one aspect of a person. If you can find more you can probably share interests and get a bit involved in each other's hobbies.
And you're also a girl right? Hmm well i won't elaborate. I never did get the whole interest with guys liking girls that just like other girls. I mean it's asking somebody to be interested in something they aren't interested in. I suppose i'm totally ok with being friends with a girl if she is just straight up only into women. That actually seemed kind of common on another wargaming forum i used to be on.
Honestly the whole "challenge accepted" approach to it is annoying and insulting. Sadly not that rare either. -.-
To be fair some girls have this weird phase where they think they're into girls and they date one girl or something and then totally realize it wasn't for them. There are plenty of girls who really are into other women though.
I might joke that some girls try to be like a secret agent into the lesbian community by doing it just one time. I'd say something else but i feel like some people would complain. It isn't really bad but some people are just easily offended. Sheesh some people just have to take everything seriously.
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@jorny: I didn't read the whole article but the issue was i actually did meet a girl that checked a lot of the boxes and many in which made me feel she was out of my league though she said otherwise. That said she seemed like a bit of an attention wh*re and was so in a sexual way which she shouldn't have done while in a relationship and she drank more frequently than i wished she did (esp. considering she was under-age when doing so). I guess it's not that abnormal but i've seen too many people wreck their life with drugs and alcohol to see somebody i really like do the same. She wasn't perfect but in a sense i guess i built her up to be. She liked everything i liked pretty much including 'command and conquer' and some other stuff. I dunno i guess it felt like we clicked because for a time at least she did like me though maybe it was just me that felt that way whereas she was only mildly interested.
Perhaps my friends tried to tell me she probably wasn't that great of a person and that i was just blinded by everything else about her to see it. I'm not sure. It was probably a little of everything. I suppose i'd prefer to just get a girl that's a bit of a gamer rather than one that knows every nerd reference and is extremely attractive. Perhaps a girl fairly decent would be better for me. I'd be less nervous trying not to mess up if the girl isn't perfect in every way.
Also part of why i wanted a gamer girl is because i did want something in common. Some friends just got for cute girls for sex and that's their relationship. I kind of want there to be more to it than that or at least for the more serious ones. I suppose my point being if i want to just get it on then i wouldn't get a girlfriend only for that.
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If i could get a girlfriend i just feel like i need something in common. Maybe she wouldn't be smart but not totally dumb. Perhaps if she was a bit of a tom boy but dresses like a girl normally would that would be good. Average looks are fine enough. It'd just be nice if i could find a girl that likes some types of games at least. Oh and holy crap she should have a sense of humor or at least not take everything so seriously all the time.
Perhaps i'm just falling back into the same trap again here :(.
Maybe i should just talk to some girls here and there and just figure who i like and if something clicks. Perhaps that's the best outcome.
You’d be surprised what you can have in common with another person, even if your life revolves around gaming. Try not to limit yourself exclusively to gamer girls. While we can try to be inclusive, lets be honest, there is not an equal representation of the sexes in our hobby. But that does not mean that there aren’t a lot of hobby-adjacent women. My first college girlfriend has previously dated someone who gamed, so while she didn’t get all the details, she understood the fundamentals of the hobby, and was accepting. The Wife is the sister of one of the guys I game with. She had gamed previously, dragged into it by my brother-in-law, but never really got into it. She does have an artistic side, so even though she doesn’t paint minis, she can relate, critique, and be supportive.
Don’t put up barriers and limit your self more then you can help. There might be someone out there who doesn’t have a specific box checked off you list, but is otherwise perfect. Relax, keep an open mind, and see what happens.
You don't need to have anything in common with someone to talk to them. I know nothing about long boarding, but i carried on a conversation about it with a girl last night
hotsauceman1 wrote: You don't need to have anything in common with someone to talk to them. I know nothing about long boarding, but i carried on a conversation about it with a girl last night
One of my high school teachers once said to us “The advantage of a liberal arts education is the ability to have an intelligent conversation on any topic for 15 minutes at a cocktail party”
Of course, he also proposed that one of the main reasons to learn integral calculus was to find the volume of martini glasses, so take that with a grain of salt.
Ok...More advice. Dont drink more then the equivalent then two beers.
I found a pic of this girl, and it was me and her sitting arms wrapped, I look stupid TBH and I thought it looked good.
Beer isnt always good, sometimes it makes you an idiot.
hotsauceman1 wrote: Ok...More advice. Dont drink more then the equivalent then two beers.
I found a pic of this girl, and it was me and her sitting arms wrapped, I look stupid TBH and I thought it looked good.
Beer isnt always good, sometimes it makes you an idiot.
And you have to be careful how potent the beer is these days. I always used the "1 beer=1 glass of wine=1 shot, and your body can process 1 drink and hour” rule of thumb. But beers these days have a wide range of alcohol content.
As long as i didn't know you for a long time and there was no interest being thrown out from both parties like the last girl i really liked then i'm totally ok if things just get dropped.
Yeh I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year and a half now.
As for the gamer thing, I suppose it's nice but that's more or less one aspect of a person. If you can find more you can probably share interests and get a bit involved in each other's hobbies.
And you're also a girl right? Hmm well i won't elaborate. I never did get the whole interest with guys liking girls that just like other girls. I mean it's asking somebody to be interested in something they aren't interested in. I suppose i'm totally ok with being friends with a girl if she is just straight up only into women. That actually seemed kind of common on another wargaming forum i used to be on.
Honestly the whole "challenge accepted" approach to it is annoying and insulting. Sadly not that rare either. -.-
To be fair some girls have this weird phase where they think they're into girls and they date one girl or something and then totally realize it wasn't for them. There are plenty of girls who really are into other women though.
I might joke that some girls try to be like a secret agent into the lesbian community by doing it just one time. I'd say something else but i feel like some people would complain. It isn't really bad but some people are just easily offended. Sheesh some people just have to take everything seriously.
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@jorny: I didn't read the whole article but the issue was i actually did meet a girl that checked a lot of the boxes and many in which made me feel she was out of my league though she said otherwise. That said she seemed like a bit of an attention wh*re and was so in a sexual way which she shouldn't have done while in a relationship and she drank more frequently than i wished she did (esp. considering she was under-age when doing so). I guess it's not that abnormal but i've seen too many people wreck their life with drugs and alcohol to see somebody i really like do the same. She wasn't perfect but in a sense i guess i built her up to be. She liked everything i liked pretty much including 'command and conquer' and some other stuff. I dunno i guess it felt like we clicked because for a time at least she did like me though maybe it was just me that felt that way whereas she was only mildly interested.
Perhaps my friends tried to tell me she probably wasn't that great of a person and that i was just blinded by everything else about her to see it. I'm not sure. It was probably a little of everything. I suppose i'd prefer to just get a girl that's a bit of a gamer rather than one that knows every nerd reference and is extremely attractive. Perhaps a girl fairly decent would be better for me. I'd be less nervous trying not to mess up if the girl isn't perfect in every way.
Also part of why i wanted a gamer girl is because i did want something in common. Some friends just got for cute girls for sex and that's their relationship. I kind of want there to be more to it than that or at least for the more serious ones. I suppose my point being if i want to just get it on then i wouldn't get a girlfriend only for that.
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If i could get a girlfriend i just feel like i need something in common. Maybe she wouldn't be smart but not totally dumb. Perhaps if she was a bit of a tom boy but dresses like a girl normally would that would be good. Average looks are fine enough. It'd just be nice if i could find a girl that likes some types of games at least. Oh and holy crap she should have a sense of humor or at least not take everything so seriously all the time.
Perhaps i'm just falling back into the same trap again here :(.
Maybe i should just talk to some girls here and there and just figure who i like and if something clicks. Perhaps that's the best outcome.
Seriously. Go back to Dr. Nerdlove and read the articles there. They are really good. You met one girl. And now you are saying that because of her behaving like a teenager you want a gamer girl. You should really try to be more open minded and stop trying to define beforehand how your perfect girlfriend should be.
hotsauceman1 wrote: Ok...More advice. Dont drink more then the equivalent then two beers. I found a pic of this girl, and it was me and her sitting arms wrapped, I look stupid TBH and I thought it looked good. Beer isnt always good, sometimes it makes you an idiot.
exalted for great truth(that fether of my friend still has my new years gaffe recorded.... ) Also, how did it went with the girl? did you guys exchanged phone numbers or something? (don't wanna sound like putting my nose in wrong place....)
hotsauceman1 wrote: Ok...More advice. Dont drink more then the equivalent then two beers. I found a pic of this girl, and it was me and her sitting arms wrapped, I look stupid TBH and I thought it looked good. Beer isnt always good, sometimes it makes you an idiot.
exalted for great truth(that fether of my friend still has my new years gaffe recorded.... ) Also, how did it went with the girl? did you guys exchanged phone numbers or something? (don't wanna sound like putting my nose in wrong place....)
I was talking to one girl, she left and me and my friend sat down and just drank a little beer. He and one of her friends come back the first one "This is X, He is nice" and she took a pic with me(the really bad one) and text it to me, anonomously BTW. and we talked for a bit, mostly about alchohol. Then she went to the bathroom and I waited, she didnt come come back for a bit, I went to the bathroom, Came back said hi, they didnt talk to me, I took the hint and left the bar. Not out of defeat Mind you, my group left a while ago and I was tired. A bit of advice though to some guys, because I was told this by several girls, they loved how casual I was, all my friends where in dress shirts, I was in a flanel shirt at the club. They said quite a few looked like fakers or something. It also is better is you are bigger, because it makes you look presentable. Another advice to big guys, have a clean well shaven face, and hair taken care of. You look alot better even if you are heavy set. And to the first part, I know what you mean, my friend has a video of me getting a male member drawn on me, and plastered it over facebook. But we were not drunk
Well i'm a skinny guy and not a big guy so i dunno if it still applies. Also we're both from the usa unless it's just a different state sort of thing. When i moved to michigan everybody had the most annoying habit of calling 'soda' by the word 'pop'. I hate it so much. I hear no other state does that.
Thanks for the advice about fakers, should give it to friend who constantly embarrasses me in the night club with Budapest triatlon- drinking,, ing, throwing up, he thinks that T-shirt is funny, and when in it not a SINGLE girl showed interest in him preffering to talk to me instead..
Who am i kidding, no chance in HELL i am telling him that
flamingkillamajig wrote: When i moved to michigan everybody had the most annoying habit of calling 'soda' by the word 'pop'. I hate it so much. I hear no other state does that.
Of course they call it pop, that is the true and proper term; fizzy pop if you want to get it spot on!!!
I read that Dr Nerdlove article and I definitely think that people should watch Weird Science - "Lisa is everything I wanted in a girl before I knew what I wanted" 80's teen movie wisdom at its best
hotsauceman1 wrote: Clean Shaven I guess means something different here. It means well groomed, not raggedy.
It depends on how it looks on them and the girl really. Pretty sure they can have facial hair but have it well groomed too, its the raggedy unshaven look that usually doesn't work.
jorny wrote: You should NEVER try to grow a beard if you can't get a nice full beard. Goatees are seldom successfull in my opinion.
This is one of many things that does differ from country to country, place to place, and even then is not something that is a 100% no-go. For example (purely example), I cannot grow anything near a full beard (mine more resembles a Van Dyke at the best of times), but I've had far more interest from women when there's actually been some shape to it than when I'm fully clean-shaven.
There's also the fact that if you don't want a full beard, but you want some sort of facial hair, then to hell with whether or not it'll help pick up partners, your own happiness comes first; everything else can be moulded around it.
Just returned home from my local night club, i was chatting with my friend with these 2 cute girls for like 2 hours, then:
Spoiler:
They ask us whatdo we think about homosexual people, me and my friend, confused a bit, we say, "just normal people like us, but with different preferences".
They were like oh wow, that's nice we are not homophobic, blah blah, we continue chatting for a next hour and a half, until the girls tell us they are couple
never was i so mad at myself, because i could talk with over 9000 other girls that were there, but i decided to fight against the windmills, and to make impossible happen... Did any of you dakkanauts ended up in a similar situation?
(Note: I am NOT A homophobic person, nor should this post be regarded as homophobic, i am just telling that, as a straight person, i feel frustrated for trying to flirt with a homosexual girls couple, and now is the time for me to ask questions: how does one avoid such a situation)
Ok I've got something.
I think, I think my relationship with my girlfriend has been an experiment.
I mean, I had a "girlfriend" in like grade 3 but since then before now I haven't. now, going in to grade eleven, with all of my subjects messed up, and my dream to join the army hinging on my ability to lose weight (I'm working on it, I've vomited nearly every time I train) combined with wether they accept my low-level epilepsy (haven't seized since I was a kid) and the fact that I have absolutely no kind of sexual attraction or desire to hold hands/hug/kiss, I think I might not be ready for a relationship. And if my life goes to gak like it's been threatening to for the last few months, I don't want to drag her down with me.I'
just yesterday I had a small mental breakdown and locked myself in my cupboard for about three hours.
I'm not one for usually dragging y problems onto the internet unless they are directly related to the topic) but I think I might have to consider ending it, at least until I know wether or not my life is gong where I want it to.
Also, Side note, remember how I said I had a group of friends that never invited me anywhere, well I found a new one and we went out three times the last three days.
If your entire goal is finding someone for sex and/or dating then don't spend two hours talking to someone before you make an explicit move in that direction. If you get into a long conversation like that then you accept the risk of spending that time on someone who has already decided that they're not interested in anything besides talking at a bar.
the shrouded lord wrote: Ok I've got something.
I think, I think my relationship with my girlfriend has been an experiment.
I mean, I had a "girlfriend" in like grade 3 but since then before now I haven't. now, going in to grade eleven, with all of my subjects messed up, and my dream to join the army hinging on my ability to lose weight (I'm working on it, I've vomited nearly every time I train) combined with wether they accept my low-level epilepsy (haven't seized since I was a kid) and the fact that I have absolutely no kind of sexual attraction or desire to hold hands/hug/kiss, I think I might not be ready for a relationship. And if my life goes to gak like it's been threatening to for the last few months, I don't want to drag her down with me.I'
just yesterday I had a small mental breakdown and locked myself in my cupboard for about three hours.
I'm not one for usually dragging y problems onto the internet unless they are directly related to the topic) but I think I might have to consider ending it, at least until I know wether or not my life is gong where I want it to.
Speaking of your mental breakdown, I've had like REALLY big problems with apathy the year before(My grades went to , i wasn't caring at all, didn't wanted to go out, all i was doing were 40k and vidya gaems)... How did i got out?
Well, not like it's guaranteed to work on you, but i got my hands on Slayer's Divine intervention album, really liked how they sounded, but i still didn't cared about anything except 40k vidya gaems and now slayer. Then my friend told me about this night club, They had Thrash metal tribute(Slayer, Megadeth, Metallica, Anthrax). The only reason i went was slayer(and him being an annoying hat who won't leave me alone, i am grateful for his efforts now). There when my now ex GF approached me and we started talking and ultimately made out, i suddenly felt alive again. It was the last week of school, and in that week i managed to fix grades on;2 languages, math, physics and history. The average on my marks on the end of the school year went from 2.9(something like D+) to 3.6( B-).
NOW, THE TL;DR VERSION OF THE ADVICE: If i were you I say, you GOTTA live a bit, go out with your girlfriend somewhere, talk to her about your problems(but i would try not to mentioning your lack of desire to hug and kiss, atleast at the moment). I recall you were 15,16 right? I also remember that was the time my attitude about Platonic love changed I know you find no desire to do so, but unless you find that gross, try to get over your ideals and kiss her from time to time. It is what woke me up from my apathy, perhaps it should do the same with your anxiety? Very likely, since the mindset '' I know someone will back me up'' > '' I know i am atleast not pulling everyone with myself into world of '' Just my 2 cents, you decide what to do
This is actually a really interesting thread, dont get me wrong I only went back 10 pages of so and in that time it pendulums from OK, to creepy, to supportive and all the way back around itself some but it really has been an interesting read.
My issues largely stem from currently going through a somewhat bitter divorce, I made the vow to get out more etc when my wife and I separated and never really have issues talking to women but at the same time I have some serious mental/emotional scarring from the ex that makes trusting anyone next to impossible. That said I have in that time made excellent friends with some of my colleagues and find I get on better with female colleagues than male (possibly cause I'm a dad, or not a hormonal teen, or educated... who knows). But I really do feel like an outdated dinosaur these days when it comes to dating (and I'm not even that old), I still remember movies and a meal as being a good date but instead all I'm gettin thrown at me is "go drinking, go clubbing", and whilst I;m sure its well intentioned advise my natural disdain for certain people is harder to contain the more I drink or the more they dance
I guess the issue is... I've been married, I loved my wife entirely and most else now seems like pale comparison to that, added to that the fact I now have my kids to look after I don't do "casual" anymore (not that I ever really did).
Ugh, I was doing really well for around 2 weeks, and then, sleep deprivation and a high stress day of AP chem, calc, and physics tests, We had a spanish dialog that day and I had an almost mental breakdown and completely forgot almost all the lines, as well as letting a fruedian slip go, making myself look like an (seriously though, how do they expect you to do a casual conversation with 40 eyes watching, I can't do that in english) I think there is something wrong with me, because I have 2 week periods of doing really well, and then I am apathetic for 2 weeks, and then I have to bring my grades back up in the next two weeks.
OK, dakka, here's a few questions.
Number one, what do you think the optimal time is for ust meeting to asking out is?
Number two is sort of weird, There is this lesbian couple in a class I aid for, and one of the girls often stares at me. I often play chess on my phone, and the screen is reflective enough that I can see at a wide angle behind me. WTF?
Also, several guys mentioned heavy set being a problem- When does it become a problem? I am at 6' 1" and weigh about 165 to 185 depending on the season. So I am a little husky but not very? Does it matter?
You will learn to spot them after a while. And don't give up so easily. It will take a while to get good matches. To maximise the matches you get be sure that your photos are as mint as possible. If anything tinder will help your banter game massively.
You will learn to spot them after a while. And don't give up so easily. It will take a while to get good matches. To maximise the matches you get be sure that your photos are as mint as possible. If anything tinder will help your banter game massively.
I love how British you sound these days!
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Melcavuk wrote: This is actually a really interesting thread, dont get me wrong I only went back 10 pages of so and in that time it pendulums from OK, to creepy, to supportive and all the way back around itself some but it really has been an interesting read.
My issues largely stem from currently going through a somewhat bitter divorce, I made the vow to get out more etc when my wife and I separated and never really have issues talking to women but at the same time I have some serious mental/emotional scarring from the ex that makes trusting anyone next to impossible. That said I have in that time made excellent friends with some of my colleagues and find I get on better with female colleagues than male (possibly cause I'm a dad, or not a hormonal teen, or educated... who knows). But I really do feel like an outdated dinosaur these days when it comes to dating (and I'm not even that old), I still remember movies and a meal as being a good date but instead all I'm gettin thrown at me is "go drinking, go clubbing", and whilst I;m sure its well intentioned advise my natural disdain for certain people is harder to contain the more I drink or the more they dance
I guess the issue is... I've been married, I loved my wife entirely and most else now seems like pale comparison to that, added to that the fact I now have my kids to look after I don't do "casual" anymore (not that I ever really did).
Go back to the start of the the thread, man. I started this thread coming off the back of a 9-year relationship at age 31.
Melcavuk wrote: This is actually a really interesting thread, dont get me wrong I only went back 10 pages of so and in that time it pendulums from OK, to creepy, to supportive and all the way back around itself some but it really has been an interesting read.
My issues largely stem from currently going through a somewhat bitter divorce, I made the vow to get out more etc when my wife and I separated and never really have issues talking to women but at the same time I have some serious mental/emotional scarring from the ex that makes trusting anyone next to impossible. That said I have in that time made excellent friends with some of my colleagues and find I get on better with female colleagues than male (possibly cause I'm a dad, or not a hormonal teen, or educated... who knows). But I really do feel like an outdated dinosaur these days when it comes to dating (and I'm not even that old), I still remember movies and a meal as being a good date but instead all I'm gettin thrown at me is "go drinking, go clubbing", and whilst I;m sure its well intentioned advise my natural disdain for certain people is harder to contain the more I drink or the more they dance
I guess the issue is... I've been married, I loved my wife entirely and most else now seems like pale comparison to that, added to that the fact I now have my kids to look after I don't do "casual" anymore (not that I ever really did).
As much as this sucks, feels awkward, and can be painful you must allow yourself to be vulnerable and uncomfortable again.
Soo...question....how do you tell if a girl is into you?
There is a girl in my major, I met her in my sex and gender class. But she is in both my classes. We talk quite a bit. No matter where I sit, she sits next to me in one class and starts to talk to me. She always smiles at me
hotsauceman1 wrote: Soo...question....how do you tell if a girl is into you?
There is a girl in my major, I met her in my sex and gender class. But she is in both my classes. We talk quite a bit. No matter where I sit, she sits next to me in one class and starts to talk to me. She always smiles at me
I think she's into you. If somebody is interested they'll show it. She sits next to you. Was that her doing? Also she smiles at you so she must find you pleasing to be around at least.
She may have somebody but if not then she probably at the very least likes you. You should go find out.
I mean, we are both in the same classes that are having midterms next week
Lol, and if it isn't true, then I I'll still get some help in a class I'm studying for, lol
So apparently now some women are sending me messages on OkCupid saying nothing but “Hi!” or “Hello ”. And not bots, real human beings that are able to pass the Turing test, as far as I am concerned.
Yet I have tons of things on my profile that could be used as conversation hooks.
Apparently I am not the only one that is bad at starting conversations .
hotsauceman1 wrote: Soo...question....how do you tell if a girl is into you?
There is a girl in my major, I met her in my sex and gender class. But she is in both my classes. We talk quite a bit. No matter where I sit, she sits next to me in one class and starts to talk to me. She always smiles at me
i don't tell, i simply trust my instinct... from what you said, she is DEFINITELY into you. Think of it: would you act in that way to a girl you DON'T fancy? But yeah, your idea is a win-win either way, go for it, may the force be with you @Hybrid: yeah, that is the hardest part with me as well, but thankfully i have learned to suck it up and approach nonetheless, i have realized when hanging out, the simplest openers are the best, not like the girl is going to eat you or something...
So i asked for a study session. Even if not, i can make a new friend to study with AND who is in my major....
Oh...that has me thinking.........I need to start thinking of my thesis paper.....
hotsauceman1 wrote: Soo...question....how do you tell if a girl is into you?
There is a girl in my major, I met her in my sex and gender class. But she is in both my classes. We talk quite a bit. No matter where I sit, she sits next to me in one class and starts to talk to me. She always smiles at me
not like the girl is going to eat you or something...
Dang! I am actively trying to not sound British. Sounding 'American'....It's a big boon with the British ladies that I don't want to lose!
It's cool though. :/
Guess it's just how common it is.
hotsauceman1 wrote: So i asked for a study session. Even if not, i can make a new friend to study with AND who is in my major....
Oh...that has me thinking.........I need to start thinking of my thesis paper.....
This is actually a pretty good way to go about it in my opinion. Always nice to end up with a new friend anyways.
Personally it's really hard for me to be just friends with girls my own age. I know what you guys said but for both parties to agree it's a mutual friendship without one person wanting more seems a little hard for me to understand. I mean if i like being with somebody enough to be their friend then chances are i'd probably date them (long as they're the opposite sex). That said women which aren't into men might be a bit of a loophole in this for me as well as female family members obviously.
Ok, so one thing. Again, she sat right next to me. Kept looking at me during the first part of class.
And she smiled, like ear to ear when I asked, matter of factually,if she wanted to study together. And giggled, not laughed, giggled.
Well i heard some french girl on some warhammer gaming area really likes me from one of her dude friends. Not sure if he was joking. Her friends do that with each other a lot. I'm not even sure what she looks like and sometimes she's a little weird but she's nice so that's good. I dunno i might talk to her more if she's interested at least. Maybe in time get a picture of her. I showed her and her friends what i look like. I think this thread has some of my pictures some pages back.
However, I figure that an airbrush or something has got to be the only way I'm ever going to get my scenery painted in this century. - But, it seems odd that the compressor is only good for 30 minutes at a time?
Easy E wrote: Remember, you have to ask question where yes and no are not logical answers.
You must name a specific invitiation with a couple of time options. See some of my previous posts for examples.
Also, going out to pizza is boring. Ask her to do something that is not boring.
Like what? I have no idea what to ask. Another place then? Like?
I was thinking of just asking her if she wants to join me tommorow at x, because I was gonna go there.
Just do the studying first and see how that goes. If you spontaneously decide to ask her if she fancies grabbing a bite afterwards, make it just that: Spontaneous.
Well, obviously after we are done, if i was.
But yeah, your right, I have a nasty habit of thinking two steps ahead. I think i should take it a step at a time
hotsauceman1 wrote: Well, obviously after we are done, if i was.
But yeah, your right, I have a nasty habit of thinking two steps ahead. I think i should take it a step at a time
Exactly mate. Just chill. Try not to give a gak. This chick is NOT your last shot at happiness.
However, I figure that an airbrush or something has got to be the only way I'm ever going to get my scenery painted in this century. - But, it seems odd that the compressor is only good for 30 minutes at a time?
Yeah, again overthinking........
Im just bummed because today I found out several people told on me about my drinking and have to have a meeting with the dorm manager......
One first date I went on, we agreed to meet at a pub. I couldn't see her and chose to sit, instead of going out and phoning etc (the place had pretty bad phone reception and I didn't want to go outside and miss her or something).
It turns out that she had, apparently, gone into the lounge/bar of the hotel that was attached to the pub... As opposed to the actual pub itself. So she thought I stood her up.
On the other hand, we talked a little afterwards and I did get the sense she wasn't entirely balanced. So, possibly bullet dodged.
It is just disheartening. Not this, but i see plenty of couples every day, I see my friends pick up a girl every weekend....
My partner in Stats said he already met the women he wants to marry. He is the same age.
I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?
hotsauceman1 wrote: It is just disheartening. Not this, but i see plenty of couples every day, I see my friends pick up a girl every weekend....
My partner in Stats said he already met the women he wants to marry. He is the same age.
I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?
Neither have i and i'm 27. Keep going to school, make yourself presentable in looks and engage women calmly and normally. If they're interested they'll show it. They'll ask to study together or for help, they might smile around you or seem happy to see you around. On the other hand if they don't care too much they'll also probably show it. With time some of their opinions might change depending on your interaction with them.
I find science to be very helpful for socializing with women if only because you will do labs and have study partners. It's a very common thing and you will need to communicate with each other. Some classes are like that and some are very inward and not very socially expressive. Perhaps try to get a few friends in the class and use their moral support or help to meet women in there.
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Personally for me the reason why i haven't done much with women is lately i haven't been around them. Some of it is just that i suck with women at times. I find myself giving less of a sh*t about them though. More specifically i give less craps about gamer girls. I'm sure some get an ego when they're fewer in number. It's not like it makes them have quality as a person. So i dunno i guess i'll just go for somebody that's at least a decent person.
Another reason why i haven't gotten a woman is yes i am a bit nervous but i'm a little picky with my choices. I also want to make sure i'm very interested in the woman i date as i don't want to stay uninterested and break her heart. A lot of girls have broken my heart and what hurts worst is some didn't even care much. It sucks feeling disposable. That's why i may go for a girl more within my limits. I don't think i can get a 10 in every category girlfriend or even a 10 in looks without being terrible in every other category but maybe that's fine. I want to feel like i'm worth something to the person i like. Oh and i'd like to be attracted for sexual reasons obviously .
hotsauceman1 wrote: I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?
Hey mate, remember I am 27, and I was basically in that same position a few weeks ago . 22 is just a bit older than average, nothing to feel wrong about.
hotsauceman1 wrote: It is just disheartening. Not this, but i see plenty of couples every day, I see my friends pick up a girl every weekend....
My partner in Stats said he already met the women he wants to marry. He is the same age.
I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?
hotsauceman1 wrote: It is just disheartening. Not this, but i see plenty of couples every day, I see my friends pick up a girl every weekend....
My partner in Stats said he already met the women he wants to marry. He is the same age.
I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?
Just make yourself look presentable. Also figure into it some things you'd rather see in girls for looks and then reverse it for you. If you expect the girl you want to look a certain way it may help somewhat to look a bit more fit yourself. Not saying it's the only way but it could help somewhat.
I also fall into the category of slim guys that are single for a while. That said i never used to take care of my hygiene as much when going out where i would meet women. It helps a lot. You get more looks from them in that case.
hotsauceman1 wrote: It is just disheartening. Not this, but i see plenty of couples every day, I see my friends pick up a girl every weekend....
My partner in Stats said he already met the women he wants to marry. He is the same age.
I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?
This is totally normal things to think, but don't beat yourself up. There is nothing wrong with you.
Don't try to talk to this girl via text, phone, etc. again until you get to class. Then, if you really want to be devious say something like, "sorry I missed you. I ended up having to help this girl with her bike tire. Maybe next time." Pretend like you were the one that wasn't there.
Easy E wrote: This is totally normal things to think, but don't beat yourself up. There is nothing wrong with you.
Yeah. Keep this in mind: when you see couples, you know they are couple, but when you see people alone, you just assume that they are/were part of a couple. That is why you feel like you are the only guy around that has never been part of one. How often do you talk to other people about it (irl)? If you are like me, likely almost never. As a result, other people assume that you are/were part of a couple before, just like you do with them. And they also think they are the only one around that have never been part of a couple .
Just had a quite nice afternoon with some woman from another forum who wanted to taste my vegetarian lasagna (which are very good, in case you are wondering ), and we are planning to go climbing together, but she is only 20, so I guess she will be just a friend.
hotsauceman1 wrote: It is just disheartening. Not this, but i see plenty of couples every day, I see my friends pick up a girl every weekend....
My partner in Stats said he already met the women he wants to marry. He is the same age.
I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?
Honestly dont get disheartened, I managed several casual relationships throughout my teens with people I wasnt even friends with (seriously, dating people you dislike is weird), it was only when I met the woman who would later become my wife that I was actually really happy with how things were going. There is no rush into meeting people, dating etc, sometimes you trudge through alot of mistakes (fun, lovely mistakes, fond memories) before you make the right choice, others like yourself are patient and may end up picking the perfect person first time. Plus side, you're 22 and never been dumped (or had to dump someone), cheated on, betrayed, hurt, divorced and so on and so forth.
flamingkillamajig wrote: Just make yourself look presentable. Also figure into it some things you'd rather see in girls for looks and then reverse it for you. If you expect the girl you want to look a certain way it may help somewhat to look a bit more fit yourself. Not saying it's the only way but it could help somewhat.
I also fall into the category of slim guys that are single for a while. That said i never used to take care of my hygiene as much when going out where i would meet women. It helps a lot. You get more looks from them in that case.
I am under no delusion I am big, and some girls are way outta my league. I have come to accept im large and I dont beat myself up or call myself ugly like I used to. My interest in loosing weight now is 1: to prove I can 3: For my knees that need a break.
I mean, This is a girl I would not have tried to even think of asking out before, she she seemed nice, we always talked, she wanted to be my partner in stats, but you needed to find one in your lab and I wasnt in her lab.
But...that is life.
But other times you'll find a really cute girl you get on with, and even if you dont end up dating just having someone to mess about with is a joy in itself. Dont get too tied up in goals and guidelines. Yes you may end up getting "friendzoned" once in a while, but you usually end up with an awesome friend
hotsauceman1 wrote: Yes...because it's not like I don't see guys who are big with girlfriends ever.
Yeah, but it's pretty clear you don't have the confidence or game at this point to compensate for being obese. Some men do have that, do honestly think they are in the majority?
You just need to face facts at this point. I don't even want to hang with friends when they are whiny and unconfdient. Do you think that's attractive to women? It's not.
What you need to focus on, is yourself right now. Get Healthy, get in shape. Start working on being really presentable. The confidence will come with that, and it will make a difference. You feel, and look better. Trust me, it will show.
You know, you have female friends, right 'sauce? I'm sure I'm not saying anything original, but have you asked them for advice? I mean, I'm sure they probably know you better than we do, and they're probably more objective about you than you yourself can be.
hotsauceman1 wrote: My unconfidence really comes from me being in college and so unexperianced with this.
Being in college shouldnt be a reason to lack confidence, you're literally surrounded by people of similar age, and if in the same course literally have a talking point dropped straight into your lap. Weight shouldnt be an issue aslong as you are comfortable in yourself and excude confidence, whilst there are people who find nerves attractive it really does help if you are comfortable in your own skin (regardless of size, shape etc). You are young, in a rich environment of people your own age and have the added bonus of seeing these people frequently. This isnt some random pickup in a bar where you're spitballing pickup lines to see what sticks, just take your time, be confident, be yourself and have fun. If you approach dating full of nerves its gonna be awkward, but if you genuinely enjoy the experience (talking to someone new, that nervous energy between you, the way she laughs/touches your arm and so on) then its just... fun. Socialising and dating isnt some end goal that you're powering on through toward, its FUN.
In my experience being Nice Mean (not to be confused with Mean nice) is just the most amusing way of doing things, gently teasing, playful insults, dont be afraid to look the idiot. Banter can be a real joy (I'm naturally sarcastic so this is pretty much my natural state).
(To clarify Nice Mean is playful insults, Mean Nice is offensive compliments)
"Hi {insert name here}, I'm breaking up with you. This relationship is now over." Then make it over, and keep appropriate distance between you and the other person. Optionally include a reason why you're breaking up, but if you're 100% sure that's what you want to do then there isn't much point and it will just encourage them to try to negotiate a way for the relationship to continue.
Never ever EVER do it over text message or by phone, avoid any sort of recordable medium in general. Best way is in person in a private or at least semi-private location, like her house. Lots of guys try to do that in public so as to pressure the chick into not causing a scene... a lot of girls will cause a scene anyway, embarassing the both of you, and even if she doesnt... she will likely be upset, in public, and have to make her way home while upset, which isnt really something you want to put on anyone.
Automatically Appended Next Post: It also depends on the circumstances, etc. some people have a talk and mutually decide its in their best interest to just be friends, others never want to see eachother again, still others end it abruptly after finding out that their SO is a cheating witch. Its really variable.
hotsauceman1 wrote: .
I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?
Keep your chin up bud I was in exactly the same position until 3 days ago. Im 22 and never had a date. Never had a first kiss.
I knew im a great guy. I have heaps of friends that are girls but never get further than that. My best friend happens to be a girll. She started mentioning me to her friends. One of them finally gave me a chance for a first date. 8 dates later and we became official. Got my kiss. And honestly she is perfect. im not the sort of guy who could do one night stands and hook ups. Do it once do it right.
the shrouded lord wrote: So....um....doe anyone know how to break up with someone?
kind of counter-productive to the thread title but uh...
Don't try to do it slowly, it's sort of like hanging up the phone on someone really. Otherwise you end up with prolonged drama. Be classy though, don't do it through text.
hotsauceman1 wrote: It is just disheartening. Not this, but i see plenty of couples every day, I see my friends pick up a girl every weekend....
My partner in Stats said he already met the women he wants to marry. He is the same age.
I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?
hotsauceman1 wrote: It is just disheartening. Not this, but i see plenty of couples every day, I see my friends pick up a girl every weekend....
My partner in Stats said he already met the women he wants to marry. He is the same age.
I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?
Well, are you still grossly overweight?
Dude... Unnecessary.
I just felt he didn't word it the best way. Staying in shape and looking good does help you feel good and all that should help a lot.
And I agree with the above. The only reason Im not going to the gym today is it is closed for superbowl sunday party.
But im saying, I see tons of bigger fellas my size with girls thatt are modertatly attactive.
the shrouded lord wrote: I'm planning on pulling her aside during a school lunch hour and delicately but bluntly explaining it too her.
Do everyone a favour and do it after school so she doesn't have to be surrounded by people in class when upset and everyone can sleep on it before having to socialise again in lessons. Also us teachers can do without the sort of drama that can create in the classroom, afternoon lessons are hard enough work as it is without teenage dating drama.
hotsauceman1 wrote: It is just disheartening. Not this, but i see plenty of couples every day, I see my friends pick up a girl every weekend....
My partner in Stats said he already met the women he wants to marry. He is the same age.
I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?
Well, are you still grossly overweight?
Dude... Unnecessary.
Is this a thread for coddling people, or it a serious advice thread?
Nothing I'm saying is to be mean. I"m just giving honest, unbiased,objective truth here.
Let's be real, being obese is going to be an issue wen dating. Yes, there are some obese people that can pick up women. Hotsauceman is clearly not one of them.
Getting in shape would not only boost his confidence, it would make him a lot more attractive as well. First impressions and attractiveness play a huge role in dating. It's not the be all, end all, but to play it off is not doing anyone here, any good.
Best advice I can give you is just to not worry about women. If you are constantly looking for the right girl it will take you forever to find her. If you let it go and concentrate on getting educated ( I gathered you are in college, could be wrong) then it will happen while your attention is elsewhere.
As sad as it sounds, I lived a large part of my younger life looking for validation in just about any vagina. I was rather whorish when I was in the Far East and am not ashamed of the amount of women I took to bed, but I am not happy with that number now. I took a step back and realized that I was going about life all wrong and decided to live a celibate life for a minimum of 3 years. I put myself into the work I was currently doing and let companionship go for the time being.
I do not consider myself to be attractive (who does?), however I am comfortable with who and what I am. 6 foot tall, 190 lbs, big Jew nose, with a wicked sense of humour. Thing I am trying to convey is that you have to like you first, other people will come around after that.
Guys, I was wondering, seeing sauce was inquiring some things. Could yous give me some advice?
I'm 18, and still go to school, but will move to Germany soon for university. Over the years I've had quite a few passing fancies, but nothing serious really, except for a girl that I liked since I was 12. She looks pretty grand, although she's a foot shorter than me. One thing that we love both and have in common is music. She does music as a subject and tutors for piano and flute. I however being boring and unfortunate regret that I couldn't get to play a musical instrument. But I am a huge nerd when it comes to classical, jazz and pop, which I listen to recreationally. Overall I get along with her very easily, as I do with all girls in my year (I keep myself in good shape with medieval re-enactment, and my mother took pains for me to maintain my personal hygiene). So what's the problem you ask?
Well, that particular girl has had a boyfriend for two years (A guy older than me by two years. Initially, I thought that was fine - I don't mess around hen the girl has a boyfriend, so I tried not to pay attention to her in a more-of-a-friend way, until things got a bit strained between her and her bf, but they sorta patched it up. Then 2 weeks before for a pre-formal, this other guy, who I'm pretty sure fancies her (even though I asked him the day before - and he said he wasn't fond of her). On that day she came in with her boyfriend, and after a few hours, I heard that after a few pints, the other guy had his arm around her, and her bf was close-by but he was silent about it (Note: I couldn't attend the pre formal at the time).
So it boils down to this. I'm pretty sure her relations with her bf are quite strained, and I don't know if I should make a move if they should split. On one hand, in a way I don't trust her, because she let the other guy be so close to her (my weakness I guess is that a want loyalty in a relationship - I personally would never cheat or betray my gf or wife, and it would be very hard on me if they did.) On the other hand, that other guy is a bit of a jerk, and I don't think she would be too happy with him in the long run.
Do you just want some casual sex and don't care if the whole thing explodes in a giant ball of drama? Go for it. Do you want a happy long-term relationship and the ability to stay friends with her if it doesn't work out? The phrase "wouldn't touch it with someone else's ten foot pole" comes to mind. You have two big problems in that kind of situation:
1) Too much potential for drama. Recovering from the end of a relationship takes time, especially if it was an ugly end. You'd be jumping right into the middle of that, probably while she still has unresolved feelings for the ex and maybe for this other new guy. And then you can add in all the potential awkwardness of starting a relationship with someone you've known for a long time, if the interest is even mutual. Do you really want to deal with all of that?
2) People who cheat tend to do it again. "Don't get involved with cheaters" is a pretty good rule. Yeah, insert disclaimer about "arm around her" not being the same as actual cheating, open relationships, etc, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're reading the situation correctly. If she's willing to cheat (or at least push the boundaries) with someone else then it's a safe bet she would be willing to do it in a relationship with you.
I guess, plus For your first statement peregrine, it was the latter (long-term relationship). It's just I've never met someone who was so similar to me.
OIIIIIIO wrote: If you let it go and concentrate on getting educated ( I gathered you are in college, could be wrong) then it will happen while your attention is elsewhere.
OIIIIIIO wrote: If you let it go and concentrate on getting educated ( I gathered you are in college, could be wrong) then it will happen while your attention is elsewhere.
Yeah I remember being sequestered in the CS department at the university I went to, and it'd sometimes be days before I saw women.
Artorias the Abysswalker wrote: I guess, plus For your first statement peregrine, it was the latter (long-term relationship). It's just I've never met someone who was so similar to me.
Then wait, Peregrine is right that wading in during the end of someones relationship is no way to start your own, not only that if she's going through something rough it's on you as a friend to be a friend during that time without looking to further your own agenda. Also from personal experience if two people are in a fight and you end up chipping in, when they end up making up suddenly you're the badguy, not fun.
I kind of agree that you need to spend sometime working on yourself. However, I don't think it is the physical that you need to focus on. I have been a member of this OT group for a while, and have seen and read a lot of your posts. I will never forget the epic, "I'm stuck on a train thread" That one really amused me.
Here is what I honestly think HotSauceMan. You need to spend some time really digging into yourself psychologically and emotionally. You need to figure out some of the following:
1. What do you care about as a person
2. What makes you feel valued?
3. Why do you do the things you do?
4. What do you want to accomplish?
So basically find out who you are as a person and what makes you tick. It is hard, takes time, and requires a lot of self-reflection.
Im actually doing that alot right now. I had a meeting with the head of the dorms....
Apparently im not a nice person when im drinking and i can be rude and insulting....
Im going through a process of self-reflection right now
Yeah, rude and insulting would not be a bonus in this case.
Also, in my case guys, I know the dangers of jumping in on the strands of an old relationship. I meant, that given with time, when she'll be looking for a guy, providing that I'll still be in this country then maybe.
You see that's my biggest problem
1. I'm not 100% sure which university I'm going off to
2. I'm not 100% sure in which city I'll get a job in
3. I'm not 100% sure in which country in Europe I'll spend the rest of my life in.
My life situation is complicated. I was born in Moldova, but we left and I've lived in Northern Ireland for 10 years. I can't go back home due to missing most of the education needed (which is a state obligation) and the financial state of the country - meaning the only jobs which will get you money are in medicine, dentistry, law or politics, none of which I can apply to. Plus I've alienated myself quite badly with my home country.
I can't stay in Northern Ireland either, because the weather is off-putting and the people are just too...different (sometimes in a bad way). I hope to study in Germany/Switzerland/Austria/Belgium, as I know both french and german well. My parents are of differing opinions of where I should end up, so I'm desperately confused myself.
Going back to this, for the 10 years in Northern Ireland, there have been cases where a few nice girls have made advance, and I could have taken it further, but I refused on 3 occasions, due to the reasons stated above. It's just I want to have a lasting relationship with someone nice, but my personal situation hampers me greatly. I'm comely enough as a person, neither am I vain or selfish. Getting a girl, I believe is not the problem - the problem is who, where and when.
Stop waiting until everything is absolutely 100% perfect because it's never going to be perfect. You're always going to be able to think of some kind of uncertainty about life and use that as an excuse. If someone expresses interest and you think you might be attracted to them then say yes and see where it goes. There are three possible outcomes of that:
1) The relationship doesn't work out for reasons completely independent of your uncertainty (personalities don't go well together, no physical attraction, etc).
2) It goes well but not well enough to work as a long-distance relationship. You have some good times, gain valuable life experience, and then move on to whatever comes next.
3) It goes very well and you both make your "where will I live" choices to stay together.
A relationship isn't automatically a failure just because you don't get married, raise a family, and stay together until you die. Take the opportunities you get and worry about what happens next when you get to that point. Despite what some religious extremists claim you aren't damaged goods and doomed to failure if your first attempt at dating doesn't end in marriage.
So, it turns out she was already home by the time she got my message and didnt respond....if that is true.
She waited outside to talk to me and tell me that after the test and we talked.
IDK guys, she seems nice but out of my league and i may be reading into things not there.....IDK. I like her...
hotsauceman1 wrote: So, it turns out she was already home by the time she got my message and didnt respond....if that is true.
She waited outside to talk to me and tell me that after the test and we talked.
IDK guys, she seems nice but out of my league and i may be reading into things not there.....IDK. I like her...
The person who decides if you are out of her league is her. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Don’t give up because the risk of failure. etc. etc.
If you like her, and think she likes you, give it a shot. Relationships are not easy, they take work. Put some in.
hotsauceman1 wrote: So, it turns out she was already home by the time she got my message and didnt respond....if that is true.
She waited outside to talk to me and tell me that after the test and we talked.
IDK guys, she seems nice but out of my league and i may be reading into things not there.....IDK. I like her...
Positives, she waited to talk to you. If she didn't actually care about how you felt, she wouldn't have bothered talking to you. However, she did care how you felt and how you percieved her missing the study practice. Granted as far as excuses go, that one is pretty weak.
How did you play your side of the conversation? What did you say and what was your body language? How about her? What was her body language like?
Something like 70% of a conversation is the body language, 20% is how you say things, and 10% is actually what you say.
I'd say start off small. Don't do dinner just yet but a movie or coffee is fine. If you do decide to eat out try going to somewhere lunch type restaurant like 'denny's' or something. This is just my opinion here though.
Movies are bad first dates. They're good for a bit later on, but at the start you're trying to get that connection going more and it doesn't seem to work as well while watching a movie as it would even just chatting while randomly wandering around a city or such.
Ok, so I didn't do it today.......but I'm going home this weekend so I didn't want to ask for next week, but next Monday I will. I noticed something, she always initiates the conversations with me. And it is never just, inane stuff like what happened is class. But stuff to get a conversation going like if we declared are major.......we both have the same plan for a thesis too.
I'm going to do it, I think she likes me.
You on a college campus. Frequently on College campus there are aspiring actors, dancers, performers, etc. They are part of the major and perform at the college theatre. As a student of the college you can get discount or free tickets to some of these events.
Pick one that you would normally never attend. Go to her and say something like:
"Hey, I have never been to a(n) X. I have no idea what to expect; it maybe great or it maybe terrible; we'll have to see. Let's go on Tuesday night at 7 or Thursday at 9 and see which it is. Since it is a risk, I'll buy the tickets."
Then wait and see her response. Do not be the first person to talk after your opening move.
Now, if we really want to get analytical, I could break this approach down almost word by word and tell you why it is a good way to go. However, I will spare you the details.
So had a really good match back in November last year. We got on real well but training and a 5 week holiday got in the way of actually meeting. We chatted the entire time, exchanged photos, etc. Finally got back to the UK two weeks ago and asked her out three times. But she's always busy. Way I see it if you think you like someone you make time. Even for a half hour coffee! Writing is on the wall unfortunately. So initiating silent mode today with her for now. Little peeved but whatchagonnado? I usually don't add people on FB before meeting, but we did it. Should I take her off or wait and see?
Anyway, started the trusty old Tinder up again a few days ago and got a good match. Hot and hit it off easily. Only thing is she has a two year old kid. These are uncharted waters for me. I'm just looking to meet Yorkshire ladies really, see where it goes, but I'm not sure about taking this one further. What are people's thoughts on seeing someone with a kid? I don't have any myself (not that I know about anyway!)
Barksdale wrote: But she's always busy. Way I see it if you think you like someone you make time. Even for a half hour coffee!
I feel the same way. You make time if you care enough about somebody. If you don't then you don't even if you're always busy. If she really wanted to do it and was always busy she'd make you first priority somehow.
Barksdale wrote: What are people's thoughts on seeing someone with a kid?
Depends on what you're looking for. If all you're interested in is casual sex/dating then the kid shouldn't be much of an issue. Having to find someone to take care of the kid will probably be a scheduling issue, but other than that you might not even be aware that the kid exists. But if you're looking for something more then you'll need to give some serious thought to whether you want to make this kid part of your family. And that's a question nobody can answer for you.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
flamingkillamajig wrote: I feel the same way. You make time if you care enough about somebody. If you don't then you don't even if you're always busy. If she really wanted to do it and was always busy she'd make you first priority somehow.
Let's keep this in perspective, they never actually met and that automatically puts him well down the priority scale. Even if she's still interested I doubt a date with a random new person is going to take priority over existing friends, family, etc. Not being the first priority isn't an automatic sign of failure, what matters is whether or not the other person is making a sincere effort to find some time when it's available. Are they legitimately busy and having trouble finding time for everything they want to do, or is "sorry, I'm really busy right now" a polite way of saying "I'm not interested anymore"? Do they ever propose any alternate times/activities, or do they just say "busy" every time you suggest something? Do they continue having a two-way conversation online, or do they respond with one-word answers and do the bare minimum to avoid openly saying "STFU I'm not interested in you"?
There is a definite two way conversation even exchanging photos still. When she says she is busy she does explain what she is actually busy doing. Still, there is no attempt at alternate dates and times and I can't help but feel that her interest just isn't as it was. Maybe I'm just looking too much into it, I don't know. Anyway, op go silent has commenced as I've asked her out three weekends in a row with no success. The ball is in her court.
I hat eto say it, but as you get older a lot of the people worth dating will already have had a kid/divorce in their past. Divorce isn;t a huge deal, but kids are harder.
My advice is to stay away from the kids until you know it is something that you want to pursue seriously. Once they get involved, if you break-up you are breaking three (or more) hearts instead of just two.
Don't demand to be part of the kids life and let it flow naturally. The other person has to decide when they are ready to let you into their kid's life, not yuou. Don't push it too hard.
Just some thoughts. I personally have never been in this situation, only observed it from the outside.
my father set rather low standards considering the hole beating my mother, getting me drunk at the age of sixand generally being a dick to the point I have on multiple occasions considered stabbing him to death, but my mother's new partner is awesome. mostly. there have been trust issues, but I believe those have been sorted out.
ehh that was years ago now.
I was 8 when we left him and I'm 15 now.
I already know I will never be like my father, I simply refuse to be.
anyway, back on topic, I posted on facebook that I was no longer in a relationship or whatever and then this girl I know used to like me told me sheliked me again. I had to explain that I was not interested in her romantically, which was awkward. I'm none to keen to immediately go out with someone, and while it may sound strange, I've decided to just continue on without worrying about anything like that for a while. I've got years of school left, two years 'till I'll be able to join the army, and my gym schedule doesn't allow that much time for socializing outside of school anyway.
If you're only fifteen then it doesn't sound strange at all to me that you would choose to focus on school and on doing what you need to do to achieve your plans for the future.
When I was fifteen I have a vivid memory of being asked, whilst in a break at Army Cadets, "You haven't kissed (I forget the actual euphemism, but that is what was meant) a girl yet?!?!".
So, I wouldn't worry too much about not being in another relationship right now and your attitude seems pretty sensible and mature.
I'll see her in a couple of days. So I've got time.
Lesson learned from last time. Don't ask girls out on facebook its cowardly.
only few notches abov breaking up with a girl on facebook bro.
Which I can't decide if its level above or below doing the same through text. Oh and as for indirectly asking it can work sometimes, did for me. But I did so in the afternoon after spending the entire day out with them as friends first anyways. We we're basically sending each other hints at that point anyway.
Got two dates lined up. One Valentines day and the other the Monday following with the chick with a kid. Every time I get an sms though I am hoping it is the one who is always busy!
I'll see her in a couple of days. So I've got time.
Lesson learned from last time. Don't ask girls out on facebook its cowardly.
To reiterate what I have said in this thread before....
1. Have specific plans in mind- Something interesting, vaguely out of the ordinary, and memorable. So No movies unless it is like a midnight showing of a Silent Movie or something.....
2. Give two time/day options for her to choose
3. Do not ask a Yes/No question
4. Assume they want to go out with you- after all why wouldn't they?
5. When you get your answer, do not hang around. If "Yes" get relevant contact info, say see you soon and leave. If "No" just shrug your shoulders and leave.
Like others have said, don't over think it. If you know the girl just be quick and too the point. Do not make a big production out of it.
Easy E wrote: Okay, you say something about, "Hey, idon;t know the city that well, so let's go exploring together on foot. You can keep me out of trouble."
I know it's kind of lame maybe but what about miniature golf or bowling or something. I'm just throwing out ideas at this point. I know it's kind of meh but i'm guessing you wouldn't want a party girl.
At least i know you can't ask a girl out to swim or go to a water park unless it's beyond the first date. That's something you do some ways farther down the line. I mean what with everybody being in glorified undies.
@hotsauceman: Hope all goes well. We already helped somebody get laid not too long ago. Hopefully we can get something else going.
flamingkillamajig wrote: I know it's kind of lame maybe but what about miniature golf or bowling or something. I'm just throwing out ideas at this point. I know it's kind of meh but i'm guessing you wouldn't want a party girl.
At least i know you can't ask a girl out to swim or go to a water park unless it's beyond the first date. That's something you do some ways farther down the line. I mean what with everybody being in glorified undies.
@hotsauceman: Hope all goes well. We already helped somebody get laid not too long ago. Hopefully we can get something else going.
Well this would be my first time I am asking someone out on my own violation. I just got this sudden urge of. "Wow she's cute, smart, fun, she plays skyrim, I would like to get to know her more."
flamingkillamajig wrote: I know it's kind of lame maybe but what about miniature golf or bowling or something. I'm just throwing out ideas at this point. I know it's kind of meh but i'm guessing you wouldn't want a party girl.
At least i know you can't ask a girl out to swim or go to a water park unless it's beyond the first date. That's something you do some ways farther down the line. I mean what with everybody being in glorified undies.
@hotsauceman: Hope all goes well. We already helped somebody get laid not too long ago. Hopefully we can get something else going.
Well this would be my first time I am asking someone out on my own violation. I just got this sudden urge of. "Wow she's cute, smart, fun, she plays skyrim, I would like to get to know her more."
flamingkillamajig wrote: I know it's kind of lame maybe but what about miniature golf or bowling or something. I'm just throwing out ideas at this point. I know it's kind of meh but i'm guessing you wouldn't want a party girl.
At least i know you can't ask a girl out to swim or go to a water park unless it's beyond the first date. That's something you do some ways farther down the line. I mean what with everybody being in glorified undies.
@hotsauceman: Hope all goes well. We already helped somebody get laid not too long ago. Hopefully we can get something else going.
Well this would be my first time I am asking someone out on my own violation. I just got this sudden urge of. "Wow she's cute, smart, fun, she plays skyrim, I would like to get to know her more."
No, leaving fast is fine as long as you didn't literally run. Now, try not to contact her until the big day, unless you still need to tidy up the details.
Now that you have a date, do you know what to do once you are on it?
Edit: Oh and nice job asking her out and getting a date!
Easy E wrote: No, leaving fast is fine as long as you didn't literally run. Now, try not to contact her until the big day, unless you still need to tidy up the details.
Now that you have a date, do you know what to do once you are on it?
Edit: Oh and nice job asking her out and getting a date!
We have two more classes together, so I will see her.
Easy E wrote: No, leaving fast is fine as long as you didn't literally run. Now, try not to contact her until the big day, unless you still need to tidy up the details.
Now that you have a date, do you know what to do once you are on it?
Edit: Oh and nice job asking her out and getting a date!
We have two more classes together, so I will see her.
Oh I know this bit. Don't ignore her. I think. I mean the girl I like comes to my apartment everyday.
Easy E wrote: No, leaving fast is fine as long as you didn't literally run. Now, try not to contact her until the big day, unless you still need to tidy up the details.
Now that you have a date, do you know what to do once you are on it?
Edit: Oh and nice job asking her out and getting a date!
We have two more classes together, so I will see her.
No problem. Just don't treat her any differently than you did before you had the date scheduled.
Yeah, Saturday is Valentine's day. I told you about that colleague from the lab that watches horror movies where young couple get slaughtered every Valentine's day. I will be watching with her, if she is okay with this. I mean, that is such a cool idea, I cannot miss out on that .
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Yeah, Saturday is Valentine's day. I told you about that colleague from the lab that watches horror movies where young couple get slaughtered every Valentine's day. I will be watching with her, if she is okay with this. I mean, that is such a cool idea, I cannot miss out on that .
Just remember: No mater how cool she thinks it is, DO NOT slaughter anyone on valentines day. Does sound like a fun night though. The movies, not the killing.
Good luck all!
I’ve got a date this valentines day myself. But for me it’s less a question of finding the right person, but getting someone to watch The Boy while The Wife and I go out. Luckily the In-laws came to the rescue, so it’s dinner out with my sweetheart. Something we get maybe twice a year if we are lucky.
Nevelon wrote: Just remember: No mater how cool she thinks it is, DO NOT slaughter anyone on valentines day. Does sound like a fun night though. The movies, not the killing.
I will not. Kill someone, I mean. Except if they are really, really tasty.
I am considering bringing gummy bears and toothpicks to impale them on, by pair. And some red coulis to put them in before snacking them .
Nevelon wrote: Just remember: No mater how cool she thinks it is, DO NOT slaughter anyone on valentines day. Does sound like a fun night though. The movies, not the killing.
I will not. Kill someone, I mean. Except if they are really, really tasty.
I am considering bringing gummy bears and toothpicks to impale them on, by pair. And some red coulis to put them in before snacking them .
Valentines day/slasher flick snack foods? That could be a fun little project. Impaling gummy bears seems more a a Vlad/vampire thing, but I guess it depends what you are watching. Gives me a nice visual with a chocolate cake, topped with crushed cookies to give it that war-torn look, scattered gummy bears on pikes scattered across the battlefield. This from a guy who owns and uses a skull and crossbones cookie cutter, so YMMV.
Some say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. But through his ribcage with an battleaxe is more reliable…
On a slightly more universally practical note, I’ve gotten a lot of milage out of a little heart shaped cookie cutters. Everything from cutting out cheese for crackers, ham for pasta with cream sauce, gnocchi, and jello hearts to top chocolate mousse. Nothing like tossing a few hearts at a meal to make it more romantic.
(once again, full disclosure: I have an unhealthy obsession with tiny cookie cutters)
While the heart-to-stomach road isn’t as well paved on women as it is for men, in my experience it’s still there. Learning to be a halfway decent cook is not hard, and will pay dividends.
Nevelon wrote: Impaling gummy bears seems more a a Vlad/vampire thing, but I guess it depends what you are watching.
I did not meant the Vlad Tepes style, I meant more like:
- Take two gummy bears
- Put them facing each other
- Use the toothpick to pin them together
Nevelon wrote: While the heart-to-stomach road isn’t as well paved on women as it is for men, in my experience it’s still there. Learning to be a halfway decent cook is not hard, and will pay dividends.
I can do quite good vegetarian lasagna. A few gratin. And that is about it .
hotsauceman1 wrote: Lol, I did not realize this, but sat is valentine's day....
I have a date for valentine's day
No drinking myself to sleep this time
yeah, same especially goes for me, my local club has 60/70s(make love not war )party at valentines day and I am so pissed since i totally ruined all the chances with the girl i met last weekend(3 beers maximum now) Apparently(if my friend is not messing with me) i actually asked her does she play 40k? and she answered that she played the vidya, and i yelled HOLY , then suddenly whispered "how about we deepstrike?" so hotsauceman? do you feel like little less an idiot now considering that pic you mentioned? Oh yea and congrats on the date dude, learn from the mistakes from other people on this thread(you can certainly learn A LOT from my posts)
Man, Now im scared jesus.
I have no idea what to do?
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Asherian Command wrote: Tried to muster the courage today, but I just need to figure out when to ask her. :/
Me pathetic. Yes. ME scared of something, No idea. (oh wait valentines day)
Der.... But anyway I am thinking about it, whether I should go through with it. (asking the girl out)
When you learn to shrug is off and realize it doesnt matter, you just kinda IDK, just do it.
When I first got rejected I was sad a bit, but I then realized I will likely never see her again and just continued on.
Rejection sucks, but you just got to do it.
Wait we are back. Anyway I don't know what the hell I am scared of.
When you learn to shrug is off and realize it doesnt matter, you just kinda IDK, just do it. When I first got rejected I was sad a bit, but I then realized I will likely never see her again and just continued on. Rejection sucks, but you just got to do it.
Hmm Good point.
Yeah I need to figure it out, but I know I will ask her. Probably just nervous reaction after my last rejection had a girl go absolutely insane on me.
here's something entertaining. There was this girl I used to flirt with constantly. I usually don't flirt, but this girl was so far out of my league it was hilarious. we were good friends. I knew the guy she liked and we were buddies too. anyway, I used to flirt with her, she would flirt with me too. to me, It was really just funny. she was like, way way way out of my league, like I had no chance. so I thought we did it for gaks and giggles.
turns out she actually wanted to go out with me and the reason she was always sad was because I never seemed to be really interested in her.
go figure.
In other, more good news, I've lost six kilos.
the shrouded lord wrote: here's something entertaining. There was this girl I used to flirt with constantly. I usually don't flirt, but this girl was so far out of my league it was hilarious. we were good friends. I knew the guy she liked and we were buddies too. anyway, I used to flirt with her, she would flirt with me too. to me, It was really just funny. she was like, way way way out of my league, like I had no chance. so I thought we did it for gaks and giggles.
turns out she actually wanted to go out with me and the reason she was always sad was because I never seemed to be really interested in her.
go figure.
In other, more good news, I've lost six kilos.
You just learnt why the "out of my league" stuff is complete crap. Try to not think that way ever again.
thenoobbomb wrote: I'm not even looking, so there's that. Can't be bothered, really.
Man Thats like the opposite of me. I am always interested, but the problem being, I don't know what to do. I don't even flirt I just talk and have fun.
thenoobbomb wrote: I'm not even looking, so there's that. Can't be bothered, really.
Man Thats like the opposite of me. I am always interested, but the problem being, I don't know what to do. I don't even flirt I just talk and have fun.
This will be my first year single on valentines day in a while. I think I might treat myself to a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates, and lay on my bed rubbing hundred dollar bills on my naked, flabby, chest. I might put in a forgeworld order after that. Anyone have suggestions for what GW colour to use for that awesome shade of green the Sons of Horus have?
Albatross wrote: So, it's been 100 pages and almost a whole year since I started this thread!
What did we learn? How have our lives changed?
I've learned that I fething love English women. The South Yorkshire variety in particular!
I hear ya there. That accent just melts my heart. Unfortunately, we got duped at Yorktown. All you lobsterbacks took the hot-accented English chicks with you (or shipped them up to Igloo-land) and those lousy Crapauds didn't leave any hot french-accented chicks behind like they said they would!
Dastardly French! And all we did for ya'll in WWII!!!
This is really easy. The number 1 thing I see guys do wrong is talk all about themselves. Newsflash.... no one cares! It makes you a boor and a bore.
Instead, you do the following:
1. Ask an open ended question
2. Actively listen to the answer
3. ASk a aclarifying questions about what they just said
4. Actively listen to the answer
5. Add a quick story about yourself that relates to what they just said. Make it quick
6. Follow-up with another open ended question
7. Repeat all the steps until the evening is over
Conversationalist Trophy Unlocked.
Since it sounds like you are having coffee or a meal, it is important to be able to have interesting conversation. No one is use to be listened too. We you ask an open ended question it can not have a yes/no answer. It is also really good to ask how they felt or thoguht about the topic of the discussion.
That is all it takes. Oh, and don;t act like a frat boy DB. Unless you are a frat boy DB, then be yourself.
This is really easy. The number 1 thing I see guys do wrong is talk all about themselves. Newsflash.... no one cares! It makes you a boor and a bore.
Instead, you do the following:
1. Ask an open ended question
2. Actively listen to the answer
3. ASk a aclarifying questions about what they just said
4. Actively listen to the answer
5. Add a quick story about yourself that relates to what they just said. Make it quick
6. Follow-up with another open ended question
7. Repeat all the steps until the evening is over
Conversationalist Trophy Unlocked.
Since it sounds like you are having coffee or a meal, it is important to be able to have interesting conversation. No one is use to be listened too. We you ask an open ended question it can not have a yes/no answer. It is also really good to ask how they felt or thoguht about the topic of the discussion.
That is all it takes. Oh, and don;t act like a frat boy DB. Unless you are a frat boy DB, then be yourself.
Just to add to your list of things to do a bit, I learned a neat trick from a Kenyan friend who had another Kenyan friend who didn't speak very good English. When someone is babbling on about something you don't understand/or care to understand, you wait for them to pause for a second, then say "really?" Then they babble on for a second or two more and then you say "wow" at the next convenient break. Works 98.2% of the time.
Also, never ever tell her this trick. Women have moderate to good memories, and if she knows this trick, you'll be sunk. It is for this reason that I never ask Kenyan chicks out in case unbenownst to me she is this girl who told my friend this.
I did this to my ex once and it turned out unpleasantly. She was with me at the wedding reception where this story was told. Being a masculine manly man, I have a tolerable to barely sufficient memory. She was all like "babble babble blah blah," and I was like, "really?" And so she was like "babble babble chick at work I argue with incessantly in those hours I am at work and thus cannot argue incessantly with you babble babble blah blah", and I'm like, "wow." Then she gets all like, "I WAS AT THE WEDDING RECEPTION YOU %&%)^ _(&^ +&&* ^_(*^ %$(*^&^)!!!!!?!??!?!?" But it all turned out well, because earlier that day I had taken the .38 that usually sat on her nightstand and put it in a case or something.
This is really easy. The number 1 thing I see guys do wrong is talk all about themselves. Newsflash.... no one cares! It makes you a boor and a bore.
Instead, you do the following:
1. Ask an open ended question
2. Actively listen to the answer
3. ASk a aclarifying questions about what they just said
4. Actively listen to the answer
5. Add a quick story about yourself that relates to what they just said. Make it quick
6. Follow-up with another open ended question
7. Repeat all the steps until the evening is over
Conversationalist Trophy Unlocked.
Since it sounds like you are having coffee or a meal, it is important to be able to have interesting conversation. No one is use to be listened too. We you ask an open ended question it can not have a yes/no answer. It is also really good to ask how they felt or thoguht about the topic of the discussion.
That is all it takes. Oh, and don;t act like a frat boy DB. Unless you are a frat boy DB, then be yourself.
Why are you so opposed to questions with yes or no answers?
Why are you so opposed to questions with yes or no answers?
They don’t work well for continuing a conversation. If you ask an open question, you get her answer, not just her choice from the binary options you offer. You can then take her answer and form another question from that, back and forth. It makes for better information flow, and investment into the conversation.
Which is a good thing, particularly when you are trying to get to know someone.
dethork wrote: I did this to my ex once and it turned out unpleasantly. She was with me at the wedding reception where this story was told. Being a masculine manly man, I have a tolerable to barely sufficient memory. She was all like "babble babble blah blah," and I was like, "really?" And so she was like "babble babble chick at work I argue with incessantly in those hours I am at work and thus cannot argue incessantly with you babble babble blah blah", and I'm like, "wow." Then she gets all like, "I WAS AT THE WEDDING RECEPTION YOU %&%)^ _(&^ +&&* ^_(*^ %$(*^&^)!!!!!?!??!?!?" But it all turned out well, because earlier that day I had taken the .38 that usually sat on her nightstand and put it in a case or something.
hotsauceman1 wrote: feth the world and the cruel unforgiving god that controls it.
I just found out she has a boyfriend.........I'm not sure why she said yes........
You can still be friends maybe she has a girlfriend or two that is single, as usually if you become friends with someone you become friends with their friends.
hotsauceman1 wrote: Maybe I'm lucky, maybe now I will know why I might get stood up.
what should I do, at friday class see if she still wants to get together?
Question did she tell you?
Its not confirmed unless she tells you. IT isn't really confirmed unless its her bestfriend.
hotsauceman1 wrote: Maybe I'm lucky, maybe now I will know why I might get stood up.
what should I do, at friday class see if she still wants to get together?
Should probably stick with the plan and see where life takes you, like I said maybe she has a single girlfriend who's looking for someone to date.
hotsauceman1 wrote: Maybe I'm lucky, maybe now I will know why I might get stood up.
what should I do, at friday class see if she still wants to get together?
Should probably stick with the plan and see where life takes you, like I said maybe she has a single girlfriend who's looking for someone to date.
the hell is going on?
first I go out with someone, find out their friend likes me, than I break up with her and decide to avoid dating all of a sudden the firend, my old crush, a girl who once slept with her head against my shoulder and a friend of mine all like me.
also can't a guy just want to have his hair over one eye because HE likes it, not because he thinks it looks cool? My mother keeps giving me crap about my hair. we'll see her reaction when it's long enough for me to put it in a ponytail.
also can't a guy just want to have his hair over one eye because HE likes it, not because he thinks it looks cool? My mother keeps giving me crap about my hair. we'll see her reaction when it's long enough for me to put it in a ponytail.
I'm a month and a day away from being 22, and I still get crap from my family for having long(-er; it's been longer than this for a longer time before) hair. At first I grew it out because the 'scene' look for guys was 'in', and I ended up liking it, so kept it after it had more or less fallen 'out of fashion' with my year at school. I get it cut when it becomes annoying to wash and manage, but until such a time as I no longer like it, it's going to stay however the feth I want it, and that's generally all you can do in this situation. You're unlikely to convince anyone who wants you to change it that you actually like it, and the best solution--even if it isn't the easiest--is to "mm" and nod along at the lectures, and forget it all when you leave the room. One thing you shouldn't do, though, is try and provoke a reaction. If you want a ponytail, then fine, go nuts, but don't grow it to that length out of spite.
Long hair also considerably lengthens the time showers take, requires a hairdryer to dry in time for anything, and needs trimming every few months to avoid knots and split ends. I'm also not sure how the army would see it, seeing as you're interested in enlisting. It might not be worth trying to grow it out if you're going to have to chop it all off a short time later, but I'm not sure how near/far/in a motorcar away that time is for you.
Well, come sat we can be miserable together.
the only thing I think is she just said yes, being nice. She seems like that kinda person. And out of habit it seems. Or she isn't understand what I was asking.
Ohwell, I gotta just continue going forward, right after I'm don't with these vodka gummy bears.
)and the other club was temporarily closed... 
But next weekend i am going with my mates out. Will be sure to post how it went...
. That is a date I am really looking forward to, to be honest 
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