I heard an intersting study on the radio. I don;t recall the exact numbers, but something like 70% of men thought a woman was flirting with them whe the woman was only being polite. Somethign to consider.

I think some one asked earlier about the approach. One good way to do it is to talk about something that the target (err.... person) is already looking at. For example, let's say you are at your local GW store. The person you are interested in is looking at the Eldar Wraithknight.

A good way to getting a conversation going is to walk up, and say something like. "I have never seen anyone use a Wraithknight*, but I was thinking about getting one. What's your thoughts on it?"

The key thing is to avoid Yes/No questions and instead use an open ended question that requires a sentence to respond to. Then you have something you can build off of. You can use a similar technique with just about anything.

 Easy E wrote:
I heard an intersting study on the radio. I don;t recall the exact numbers, but something like 70% of men thought a woman was flirting with them whe the woman was only being polite. Somethign to consider.

Well, nonverbal behavior is something that can be a good indicator of attraction since females operate nonverbally quite a bit...it's just not a guarantee.

For instance, pay attention to the orientation of her torso (I'm being serious here). If it's "open" (turned or angled toward you), it MIGHT be a sign of attraction, even if her head is pointed elsewhere. But not necessarily.

Touching her hair a lot or other grooming-type behavior MIGHT be a sign of attraction. But not necessarily.

Eye contact that lingers just a little long MIGHT be a sign of attraction. But not necessarily.

Put it all together -- not unlike a reporter using multiple sources to verify a story, I guess -- and you might have something. Say you're at a bar, and notice a cute girl across the room with some friends. You make eye contact with her that's more than a glance...it lasts a couple heartbeats. Shortly thereafter you notice that while she's still engaged in her conversation with her friends, she's turned toward you in a more "open" position. You catch her twirling her hair once or twice, and maybe glancing over your way. Later you notice that she's physically distanced herself from her friends just a little.

What do you do, dateless Dakkaites? If the answer is anything other than getting your butt over there and saying hi...you fail. Of course, given that we're talking about a woman, she might be flirting with you just for the sake of flirting. But the only way you find that out is to go over and say hi.

SCIENCE!

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/study-you-really-can-predict-the-marrying-type/284381/#disqus_thread

About the "marrying type". You may want to read to either become or avoid becoming.

Edit: I hope some people will put this advise into practice this weekend!

there should be a follow up thread titled "How to Get Away From Your Wife", for us married folk.

 Storm Shadow wrote:
there should be a follow up thread titled "How to Get Away From Your Wife", for us married folk.

A hacksaw, a black bag, and a close friend.

For me getting a date is "doable".
The problem is getting that person to stay with you, 2/3 times i have been in a proper relationship i was cheated on...

"Forget" to buy your coworker's plane ticket and tell her you owe her dinner to make up for it. Had an enjoyable evening.

Daemonhammer wrote:
For me getting a date is "doable".
The problem is getting that person to stay with you, 2/3 times i have been in a proper relationship i was cheated on...

Ouch, sorry to hear that man. What exactly did they leave you for may I ask? Was it just a sense of boredom? Because in that case they're likely just jumping from person to person anyways so there's not that much you can do with those type of people. Repetition compulsion is a bitch.

 Storm Shadow wrote:
there should be a follow up thread titled "How to Get Away From Your Wife", for us married folk.

Why do you think I play wargames?

Holy gak. I think I might accidentally have a girlfriend. Seriously. I accidentally a girlfriend.

 Albatross wrote:
Holy gak. I think I might accidentally have a girlfriend. Seriously. I accidentally a girlfriend.

That is the best way to do it. Less work no pressure awesome.

As I have said to other guys looking this is how it works: you chase the girl until she catches you. Just let it happen.

When I was "most successful", I didn't really go out looking for a relationship, I just went out looking to have fun and meet some new people. Then it just happened from there.

When I really wanted a relationship, nothing ever came together. I think it was because I was trying to hard. Nothing repels people like desperation.

It's why marriage generally gives men a huge boost in their attractiveness to females. You just don't care anymore...and women weirdly love that. (Assuming a healthy marriage, of course. A married guy obviously on the prowl tends to repel.)

Really, after I got engaged and then married, I wondered where all these women were during my single days. Sometimes, it makes you wonder if God's a woman. Or at least someone who enjoys pranking on men.

More SCIENCE!

Best dance moves for men proven by SCIENCE!

http://www.news10.net/story/life/2014/03/26/study-identifies-mens-dance-moves-that-women-like/6902499/

The highlights from the study? Five movement variables made the difference between 'good' and 'bad' dancers. Women liked the moves of men who made varied and large movements with their neck and trunk. Varied movements in the wrist and left shoulder, as well as movements with the right knee, were also positively received.

Dance moves perceived negatively by the women included men who moved their arms too much, as well as men who didn't move enough and kept their arms and legs close to their body.

Researchers singled out Michael Jackson's ROCK WITH YOU video as an ideal example of the style of dance moves that women rated as attractive.

I met a girl who I would absolutely date the hell out of two nights ago, I intended to do my homework... but was too incoherent to do anything lol

I stepped out of the bar for a cigarette with my friend and these two girls he knew from high school (we went to school together, just I didnt know them) were out there smoking as well, he started talking to them and introduced me, and the conversation went like this:

Her - "You look familiar do I know you from somewhere"
Me - "Yeah, I think we went to high school together, but I was a huge loser back then." (in a joking manner)
Her - "Yeah, I was a loser in high school too." (laughing)
Me - "Didn't you play basketball?"
Her - "Yeah, but I was really bad at it..."

At this point both her friend and my friend interrupted and were like, "What're you talking about, you were the star of the team and you just got back from playing professionally in Belgium and Tunisia..."

and she kinda just laughed it off and then the conversation got sidetracked into other things and then my friend and I went back to drinking and watching hockey.

So yeah, in retrospect, I think had I been sober, I coulda got a date out of that one...

Anyone can get a date in Angeles City, PI. Anyone.

Beta males, c'mon. This part of the whole kit and caboodle is the easiest. Simply asking will result in a yes. If she says no then why are you going for a stuck up girl anyways?
1.ask
2.plan kick-ass date.
3.keep fun conversation going
4.don't act desperate, just casual and fun.
5.end it on a good note.
6.follow-up, call soon.
7.If she's up for it, everything went good, ask on another date.
8.talk in-between dates.
9.after good multiple dates, MAKE A MOVE!
10???
11.profit

 poppa G wrote:
If she says no then why are you going for a stuck up girl anyways?

Yeah, because the only reason someone could say no is if they're "stuck up".

Oh wait, you actually used the term "beta males" without sarcasm or irony. Never mind.

 Peregrine wrote:

 poppa G wrote:
If she says no then why are you going for a stuck up girl anyways?

Yeah, because the only reason someone could say no is if they're "stuck up".

Oh wait, you actually used the term "beta males" without sarcasm or irony. Never mind.

If they can go on a date and they say no then they are stuck up. Obviously judges based off looks so she's not worth getting to know.
Jog on.

I don't get out much so I gave the online stuff a go but no luck. Maybe one day I will meet someone someday! Got to stay hopeful

 poppa G wrote:

 Peregrine wrote:

 poppa G wrote:
If she says no then why are you going for a stuck up girl anyways?

Yeah, because the only reason someone could say no is if they're "stuck up".

Oh wait, you actually used the term "beta males" without sarcasm or irony. Never mind.

If they can go on a date and they say no then they are stuck up. Obviously judges based off looks so she's not worth getting to know.
Jog on.

Or you know they we're initially interested but after getting to know you better they realized you weren't that great after all.

 poppa G wrote:
If they can go on a date and they say no then they are stuck up.

Could you possibly act more entitled?

Obviously judges based off looks so she's not worth getting to know.

Everyone judges based off looks, including you. So I guess you can't even "date" yourself without being a hypocrite.

Um...obvious troll is obvious. Let it go, Pere. You're going to hurt yourself dealing with him.

You are going to statistically meet your mate in one of two places, work or school. I personally meet my soon to be second wife in college. So the issue with gamers I have learned is that they only leave their homes for games or work. If you work in a place you don’t come into contact with the chosen sexual preference then you are pretty much just fething your self literally and metaphorically. I will give a good example. I like to go out now and again for a pint or twelve. I recently got asked by some female coworkers if I knew any single guys who were not total donkey-caves. I said yeah I know a couple single guys. I invited 2 guys from my local play group and informed them that these are single girls who want to meet guys, little work involved other than showing up. Neither of them showed up. Both had very lame excuses. I honestly believe that some gamers just like being alone. No effort, no reward. That’s why when I am being ragged about losing a game I just inform them I will go home a touch someone else’s boobs while they touch their own.

 Devoted-to-the-machine wrote:
You are going to statistically meet your mate in one of two places, work or school. I personally meet my soon to be second wife in college. So the issue with gamers I have learned is that they only leave their homes for games or work. If you work in a place you don’t come into contact with the chosen sexual preference then you are pretty much just fething your self literally and metaphorically. I will give a good example. I like to go out now and again for a pint or twelve. I recently got asked by some female coworkers if I knew any single guys who were not total donkey-caves. I said yeah I know a couple single guys. I invited 2 guys from my local play group and informed them that these are single girls who want to meet guys, little work involved other than showing up. Neither of them showed up. Both had very lame excuses. I honestly believe that some gamers just like being alone. No effort, no reward. That’s why when I am being ragged about losing a game I just inform them I will go home a touch someone else’s boobs while they touch their own.

To be fair, one of my coworkers has invited me to go out with him and he'd try to hook me up with someone. But since I really can't stand this coworker, I refuse to go out with him and make up excuses every time. Friends are different. But I've avoided going out with some people because I know I wouldn't have any interest in the types of people they'd introduce me to, or they would have made me the butt of every joke. Neither option holds interest for me, as nobody really particularly likes this coworker, so he gets the cold shoulder each time.

 timetowaste85 wrote:
Um...obvious troll is obvious.

No, the scary thing is there are actually people who believe every word of what the "troll" posted.

Does this girl like me, and if so, what would be a good way to ask her out?

We were previously casual friends, but things have started getting awkward recently.
Symptoms began developing after I took a very assertive role in a school debate.

- Glances at me frequently during class. Turns away immediately when I notice and make eye contact.
- Asks me for help with editing essays/ math notes as opposed to (supposedly) more competent students. (bite my future valedictorian )
- asks me occasionally about extracurriculars, expressed interest in some(sadly not war gaming)
- Laughs about 2/3 more at my jokes.
-Seems more comfortable interacting with me in her friend circle- tends to sit closer to me in the group as opposed to farther away
-Acted strange when one of her friends ?attempted to flirt? with me.
- Tends to be closer to me when talking. Not much, but especially noticeable in closed spaces.

I have no idea what I am doing.(except internet punching anyone who responds by pointing at a double meaning)

 Peregrine wrote:

 timetowaste85 wrote:
Um...obvious troll is obvious.

No, the scary thing is there are actually people who believe every word of what the "troll" posted.

What, you don't find plan a "kick ass" date to be helpful? That's like telling someone that in order to be rich you need to make lots of money not really useful info.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

FoWPlayerDeathOfUS.TDs wrote:
Does this girl like me, and if so, what would be a good way to ask her out?

We were previously casual friends, but things have started getting awkward recently.
Symptoms began developing after I took a very assertive role in a school debate.

- Glances at me frequently during class. Turns away immediately when I notice and make eye contact.
- Asks me for help with editing essays/ math notes as opposed to (supposedly) more competent students. (future valedictorian es)
- asks me occasionally about extracurriculars, expressed interest in some(sadly not war gaming)
- Laughs about 2/3 more at my jokes.
-Seems more comfortable interacting with me in her friend circle- tends to sit closer to me in the group as opposed to farther away
-Acted strange when one of her friends ?attempted to flirt? with me.
- Tends to be closer to me when talking. Not much, but especially noticeable in closed spaces.

I have no idea what I am doing.(except internet punching anyone who responds by pointing at a double meaning)

She sounds fond of you as to asking out just think up an activity that you think is fun and suggest if she would like to join in, ask for her number and say you would like to hang out sometime or just ask what she likes doing for fun and adjust accordingly.

KelseyC wrote:
I don't get out much so I gave the online stuff a go but no luck. Maybe one day I will meet someone someday! Got to stay hopeful

I'm the same way but the reason is more because I moved a lot when I was young. If your parents have one of those types of jobs you'd understand what that's like. I'm sure kids with parents in the military know what it's like. You just lose friends so much from moving all the time that the internet becomes a more permanent place to meet people. Sadly it just doesn't work well with dating and relationships.

 Devoted-to-the-machine wrote:
You are going to statistically meet your mate in one of two places, work or school. I personally meet my soon to be second wife in college. So the issue with gamers I have learned is that they only leave their homes for games or work. If you work in a place you don’t come into contact with the chosen sexual preference then you are pretty much just fething your self literally and metaphorically. I will give a good example. I like to go out now and again for a pint or twelve. I recently got asked by some female coworkers if I knew any single guys who were not total donkey-caves. I said yeah I know a couple single guys. I invited 2 guys from my local play group and informed them that these are single girls who want to meet guys, little work involved other than showing up. Neither of them showed up. Both had very lame excuses. I honestly believe that some gamers just like being alone. No effort, no reward. That’s why when I am being ragged about losing a game I just inform them I will go home a touch someone else’s boobs while they touch their own.

Yeah that's me as well. I work at a factory which is almost entirely with men workers esp. in the actual factory area whereas what few women there are working behind desks or doing paperwork. Kind of odd how the sexes are a bit segregated in that respect. There has probably been only 2 female workers in the factory and most of the women there are middle aged and not particularly attractive (the one that is attractive works in the office and she's the boss's wife and she's a mom with kids my age) so yeah it's mostly a no go. I wouldn't honestly want to deal with the women there.

As far as school goes it's so weird. I started going back to school and like 4 women seemed fairly interested in me. I'm not usually used to getting attention from the ladies so it's nice to feel attractive or wanted.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:

KelseyC wrote:
I don't get out much so I gave the online stuff a go but no luck. Maybe one day I will meet someone someday! Got to stay hopeful

I'm the same way but the reason is more because I moved a lot when I was young. If your parents have one of those types of jobs you'd understand what that's like. I'm sure kids with parents in the military know what it's like. You just lose friends so much from moving all the time that the internet becomes a more permanent place to meet people. Sadly it just doesn't work well with dating and relationships.

Right after high school I moved away from where I lived so I didn't really have any friends afterwards. I kind of still don't but the Warhammer has been somewhat helping.

Yeah well warhammer helps for friends but not for a relationship unless you're gay or a girl. I haven't seen many girls play GW games (they usually love to paint models strangely enough) though there was one fairly attractive nerdy girl that used to run a GW store. I never knew her that well. She got married some years ago and I've never seen her since.

The idea of going for a girl in certain nerdy hobbies seems hard though. Chances are if she's decent and single then every guy there has their sights on her. I may as well go for a nice girl which is a nerd in a hobby with more women in it. At least I wouldn't have to compete with like 100 other guys for her affections to the point where she's overwhelmed.

------------

If I had the money I'd probably go to a gaming convention. That might be a good way to meet some people who are as socially awkward as me ;P.

If I had the money, I'd probably consider going to a gaming convention, weigh up the pros and cons of going and not going; different travel options, routes, contingencies etc.; times of everything; what's going to happen if it all goes Pete Tong; what if my phone gets stolen; what if I miss my stop; what if I lose my card; what if I don't have enough money for what I planned; what if I'm put on the spot; what if there's a situation I can't escape from... and then make up some weak-arse excuse to myself not to go, and spend all day at home on the computer complaining about being bored.

At least I won't have a panic attack whilst making #ForeverAlone posts on twitter.

 Easy E wrote:

 Storm Shadow wrote:
there should be a follow up thread titled "How to Get Away From Your Wife", for us married folk.

Why do you think I play wargames?

1. Work in another city during the week.
2. Take up different hobbies. But make sure they don't like your hobbies first. I took up serious shooting and the wife liked it so much she took my favorite pistol. When I found a new pistol, not to be outdown my daughter appropriated it AND my then favorite rifle.

 Devoted-to-the-machine wrote:
You are going to statistically meet your mate in one of two places, work or school.

*Looks around office*

Well, I'm fethed.

Does this girl like me, and if so, what would be a good way to ask her out?

Yes. I don't actually know for sure, it would be easy to say that the 'symptoms' that you describe are indicative of something, but its just as easy to say that you're thinking too much about it and trying to intellectualize something that can't be intellectualized. Just do it.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Yeah well warhammer helps for friends but not for a relationship unless you're gay or a girl. I haven't seen many girls play GW games (they usually love to paint models strangely enough) though there was one fairly attractive nerdy girl that used to run a GW store. I never knew her that well. She got married some years ago and I've never seen her since.

The idea of going for a girl in certain nerdy hobbies seems hard though. Chances are if she's decent and single then every guy there has their sights on her. I may as well go for a nice girl which is a nerd in a hobby with more women in it. At least I wouldn't have to compete with like 100 other guys for her affections to the point where she's overwhelmed.

------------

If I had the money I'd probably go to a gaming convention. That might be a good way to meet some people who are as socially awkward as me ;P.

I love to paint! I have tried to get into the actual game part of warhammer but I find it difficult. I guess I don't get the chance to play that much as well which makes it harder to learn. Since I was introduced to the hobby though I haven't really made any friends, although it has made me a lot more social. Here at the FLGS in town all of the regulars are rather young as well so that makes it hard to befriend them in a way just because of the age difference. Since they are so young relationships are also off of the table lol. I have a feeling the place I go to is an exception and at most other places the age of the regulars is much higher.

 Devoted-to-the-machine wrote:
You are going to statistically meet your mate in one of two places, work or school. I personally meet my soon to be second wife in college.

So, I'm about to be Captain Obvious, but it follows-on from yoru point. If you want to have a relationship, you have to go out and do things that people you want to date do.

You can't spend all your social time going to the game store or playing video games at home and expect to meet your special someone. You have to bbe a bit more proactive about it.

I'm wrestling with this at the moment as well. I moved 'down south' for work, in a massively male dominated profession. It's a bit trickier as a lot of the people I know are in very 'settled down' state too. - So it's not like I've ever seen the whole, 'lets all go out and meet some girls' situation... ever actually existing in reality.

Uni seems to have been the best opportunity for me. - Pity I ended up 'wasting' a lot of it studying for a degree I didn't end up using in my final job. - Admittedly, at least it was a 'proper' degree.

So yeah, this whole romance thing is tricky business.

A swing and a miss. Feels bad man. Not that bad though.

Out tomorrow so we'll see how that goes.

So, I kind of somehow not really did my homework, but I received an email from a Korean/American girl who got my email address because her parents, which we visited when we were in Korea, are old friends/colleagues of my parents, and she is currently an exchange student in Paris. We had a brunch last Sunday, and it was awesome, very nice girl . So, I proposed we go climbing together. I hope it will go well, since she has never climb before. But still sounded way better than proposing a movie or a visit to a museum !
In Grenoble I would have proposed a Via Ferrata as it is basically climbing, but easy mode. But well, it seems there are none around Paris (see http://www.laviaferrata.net/carte-via-ferrata.php ).
Now that will make me practice my oral English .

Good luck with that Hybrid, hope it goes well!

Probably another point related to my experience. Don't ask why they said no, just accept it and move on. Asking will drive you mad and make it look like you needed it more.

I might be wrong in that approach, but I just take it on the chin and think "oh well, feth it." NEXT!

Nice! Good job Hybrid!!!

Going on a date tomorrow with this girl I've thought was cute for 5 years. Going out to lunch and then a shooting range. She's never gone shooting a day in her life.
>I'm a jock looking guy, shaved head, muscle.
>She has long black hair, pale, goth kind of chick.
We're very different in so many ways. I'm normally very good when it comes to conversation. Except when it comes to her. I don't know what it is but my mind is just blank all the time when I'm with her.
If I can get my gak together then I think we'll have fun. So Dakka, any tips?

 poppa G wrote:
So Dakka, any tips?

Don't over-think it. There's no gimmick that will make your date a success if you're not the person she's looking for, so just relax and be yourself. If you start looking for "winning strategies" and all that nonsense the best possible outcome is that it takes her a bit longer to realize that she's not interested, and there's a good chance that you're so busy trying to find the perfect thing to do that you just make an awkward mess of it.

What Peregrine said (the only time I think I'm ever going to say that). Unfortunately, that advice isn't really practical in terms of helping you have an actual conversation, but it is what it is.

My best suggestion is think about what common ground you have (i.e. who do you know mutually, how do you know eachother, what sort of common interests do you have), start a conversation based on that common ground, and let it flow from there naturally.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
So last night I had a woman (I'd say she was in her mid-30s) approach me to tell me that I look exactly like a younger version of her husband ... (its true, I do, really scary, even has a similar scar on his forehead), she was asking me how old I was and if I was single, etc. kinda threw me off a bit. I dont *think* she was flirting with me, more trying to see if she could set me up with a friend, but it kinda through me off...

We (and some other NJ Devils fans at the bar) ended up discussing, amongst other things, how hockey-fangirls are the best, to which I said something to the effect of "Agreed, nothin sexier than a fine lady in a Devils jersey... the problem is I cant find any that are single." A girl in the corner piped in "Thanks. you're pretty hot, too." Then the guy sitting next to her leaned out from behind her while laughing, "I'm her husband!"

If you want to hav ea good conversation, end everything you say with an open-ended question. This is a question that can not be answered with a yes or no.

Then, actively listen to the answer. Ask an open ended question that relates to her answer.

For example:
You- "Hey, great shot. So since you've never been shooting before, what do you normally go out and do?"

Her- "I usually just sit around the house and watch TV."

You- "Huh, got any suggestions on what I should be watching?"

Her- "Not sure. I really like soap operas?"

You- "Soap Operas? What do you like about Soap Operas?"
****************************

I think I have made my point.

Well fellas, it went great! There wasn't any awkward silences where I didn't know what to say.
Shot a fully auto RPD, FS200 and P90. 50$ a drum, holy balls haha. And, I think she likes me...She blushed a lot when I did certain things.

you did good poppa G, you did good.

Plans to see her again?

 sebster wrote:
Getting a date is a numbers game. If you approach more women, you'll find yourself meeting more girls you take an interest in, and the more of them you ask out for a coffee, the more who will say yes.

That is, of course, harder than it sounds, because for most of us rejection is pretty hard to take. The challenge is, like Albatross says, in just not giving a feth.

This is something I actually only figured when, of all places, my search of the internet for all truly crazy things took me to the Pick Up Artist community. Now these guys are really creepy and most of their ideas range between weird and completely insane, but the funny is that they have a much better success rate with women than a lot of guys. The interesting thing is that they get this success despite their their games and theories being incredibly stupid... but in focusing on games and method, they stop the pick up being personal - if a girl says no it is just a failure of their method, not a personal rejection. As a result, they can approach dozens of girls and not worry when they get turned down, because sooner or later a girl will say yes.

The trick is how to get that mindset without picking up any of the PUA community's misogyny. To learn to just move on when a girl says no. It isn't ever easier, but it gets easier with age, and easier the more you try it.

Girls say no
25 years married now, so must have done something right.

 Devoted-to-the-machine wrote:
You are going to statistically meet your mate in one of two places, work or school. .

Citation needed.

I always show my models to girls when i talk, it really works! There always impressed with my Chinese design even if i don't think i've done it very well! I even got my ex into dark eldar and she would come to the shop to paint and play twice a week. I've even bring girls who i wasn't in a real relationship with at the time (if you catch my drift) and they enjoyed it too. (I had a good time that night). These girls were really out of my league too. I guess bringing them to a games workshop proved i was secure with who i am and what i do. Both girls said they admired me for doing so .

 Gitsmasher wrote:

 Devoted-to-the-machine wrote:
You are going to statistically meet your mate in one of two places, work or school. .

Citation needed.

Those are the two places where most people spend most of their lives.

 Avatar 720 wrote:

 Gitsmasher wrote:

 Devoted-to-the-machine wrote:
You are going to statistically meet your mate in one of two places, work or school. .

Citation needed.

Those are the two places where most people spend most of their lives.

I've seen the opposite most people I've met from traveling around the world met their significant other, through friends, and social events. Not school or work.

But I merely asked for the source of devoted's statiscitcs.

Why is this thread any longer than simply saying, "ask"?

Well mainly because a lot of people have trouble with just asking for a start, like when, how and what to actually say, so theres a lot of discussion on that. Plus the discussions on what to actually do on a date etc. Its a good thread

Medium of Death wrote:Good luck with that Hybrid, hope it goes well!

chaos0xomega wrote:Nice! Good job Hybrid!!!

Thanks!
I think it went quite well on the climbing front : she learned to do the figure-eight knot, she learned to belay, she did what we call «école de vol» in French (jumping off the wall just as an exercise so when you actually fall, you are more confident), she was able to do 5A climbing routes (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grade_%28climbing%29#Free_climbing_2 ) with relative ease, and she went halfway through 5B climbing routes ! This is pretty good for a first time, I guess. Next time she should try lead climbing.
On the date front, though… I do not know, I am quite clueless . Actually, I do not even know if she has a boyfriend or not .

So I'm going over to that girl's house today, the one I took on a date recently mentioned in this thread. It is tonight I break the barrier between friend and lover. Upon seeing her I will initiate a hug, slightly longer than other ones. If she sits down on the couch first I will sit close to her, close enough to pull her in to cuddle during the horror film. No words are necessary I think.
1. If I sit down first then I'll have to tell her to come sit by me, maybe I'll pull the 'I'm scared of horror movies/card".
2. If she turns me down to cuddle...hm. I could ask if she's a lesbian? I've never really been turned down for this so I'm not sure how to react...

Anyways, the point of tonight is to see if there's mutual attraction. And to make clear that I find her attractive.

I know pretty much nothing about dating, however I can tell you this.

There is absolutely no good outcome whatsoever that can happen from asking a girl you're attracted to if she's a lesbian. None whatsoever.

 poppa G wrote:
No words are necessary I think.

Yeah, it's much easier if you just pull someone in and exploit their reluctance to make an awkward situation by resisting too much. Why bother using words when that's so much harder and more open to failure?

2. If she turns me down to cuddle...hm. I could ask if she's a lesbian?

Well, if you want to earn a reputation as "that creepy guy" or "that " and don't have any hopes for the future with this person, great idea.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
Actually, I do not even know if she has a boyfriend or not .

Why not just ask?

Update- Didn't ask her out yet, week went badly so never got the chance.

 Peregrine wrote:

 poppa G wrote:
No words are necessary I think.

Yeah, it's much easier if you just pull someone in and exploit their reluctance to make an awkward situation by resisting too much. Why bother using words when that's so much harder and more open to failure?

2. If she turns me down to cuddle...hm. I could ask if she's a lesbian?

Well, if you want to earn a reputation as "that creepy guy" or "that " and don't have any hopes for the future with this person, great idea.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
Actually, I do not even know if she has a boyfriend or not .

Why not just ask?

The lesbian part was a joke btw
Anyways, about the pulling her in part. In the world of business and sales there's something called "assuming the sale". Basically you just assume that they will buy your product, you assume that they're interested. So you just move forward. If you ask a yes or no question there's a bigger chance that they'll say no. That's why it's better to not ask those type of questions. Do you see what I'm getting at? If you ask and she says no there will still be that awkwardness there. If you put yourself out there there will always be a chance for rejection, that awkwardness. Whether it be in action or through words. So Pere, where's your problem with my method, again?

 poppa G wrote:
Anyways, about the pulling her in part. In the world of business and sales there's something called "assuming the sale". Basically you just assume that they will buy your product, you assume that they're interested. So you just move forward.

And here's the difference: if you do that in business the worst that can happen is someone gets a bit annoyed and you have to go back and renegotiate. If you do that with a relationship or sex and guess wrong then congratulations, you just crossed someone's boundaries and made them extremely uncomfortable. Even if you're the kind of sociopath who doesn't care if you hurt someone that's a pretty good way to earn yourself a reputation as a creep, and will likely kill your chances with that person in the future.

If you ask a yes or no question there's a bigger chance that they'll say no. That's why it's better to not ask those type of questions. Do you see what I'm getting at?

I see exactly what you're getting at: that the only thing that matters is getting what you want, so it's perfectly acceptable to risk violating someone's boundaries if it means you have less chance of rejection. Let me ask you this: if someone would say no if you asked first then why exactly do you want to do anything with them.

If you ask and she says no there will still be that awkwardness there.

No there won't be, because there's just the awkwardness of knowing that you were interested, not the awkwardness of knowing that you were interested combined with the awkwardness of actually doing it.

 Peregrine wrote:
Why not just ask?

I guess I will, next time. Maybe.

I have a hard time calling him a creep and a sociopath for attempting to snuggle with a girl he's already been out with and has now invited him over to her house.

I confess the accents are a sure way to hook a girl. As is the idea of talking about books, I always pick the quiet ones at the library. Wierd place to meet people but during college study sessions... They are the best place to find a girl who is actually smart and doesn't walk into walls.

 gorgon wrote:
I have a hard time calling him a creep and a sociopath for attempting to snuggle with a girl he's already been out with and has now invited him over to her house.

It's not attempting to move to the next step that's creepy, it's doing it with a strategy that is explicitly designed to make it harder to say no and doesn't show any concern for the other person's boundaries.

 Peregrine wrote:

 gorgon wrote:
I have a hard time calling him a creep and a sociopath for attempting to snuggle with a girl he's already been out with and has now invited him over to her house.

It's not attempting to move to the next step that's creepy, it's doing it with a strategy that is explicitly designed to make it harder to say no and doesn't show any concern for the other person's boundaries.

The only reason I'm using this strategy is because I know that she's a bit shy. Shy people ALWAYS need a little push, they need the other person to make the first/next move. If you ask a shy person a straight up question like: "do you want to kiss?" they'll stammer, over-think it, and psych themselves out of not doing it. So instead of just asking, set the mood, get a little close, some eye contact, make it so they know exactly what you're getting at. Go in a bit slow, just in case they want to say no.
Also, I am a gentleman, I refuse to ever "rape-kiss" if you know the term. If you don't it's just where you kiss them fast and unexpectedly.

 Seaward wrote:
Why is this thread any longer than simply saying, "ask"?

Cuz not all of us are naval aviators.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

Medium of Death wrote:Good luck with that Hybrid, hope it goes well!

chaos0xomega wrote:Nice! Good job Hybrid!!!

Thanks!
I think it went quite well on the climbing front : she learned to do the figure-eight knot, she learned to belay, she did what we call «école de vol» in French (jumping off the wall just as an exercise so when you actually fall, you are more confident), she was able to do 5A climbing routes (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grade_%28climbing%29#Free_climbing_2 ) with relative ease, and she went halfway through 5B climbing routes ! This is pretty good for a first time, I guess. Next time she should try lead climbing.
On the date front, though… I do not know, I am quite clueless . Actually, I do not even know if she has a boyfriend or not .

Wow... the French ranking system is weird, but 5.7/5.8 for a first time climber is pretty good, but lead climbing?? O.O I've been climbing for over a year and I still can't lead climb (though I do drag rope to practice). In any case, I would say keep doing what you're doing, flirt a little bit, see where it goes... worst comes to worst she's involved and oh well, you can get some good practice in.

So I'm going over to that girl's house today, the one I took on a date recently mentioned in this thread. It is tonight I break the barrier between friend and lover. Upon seeing her I will initiate a hug, slightly longer than other ones. If she sits down on the couch first I will sit close to her, close enough to pull her in to cuddle during the horror film. No words are necessary I think.
1. If I sit down first then I'll have to tell her to come sit by me, maybe I'll pull the 'I'm scared of horror movies/card".
2. If she turns me down to cuddle...hm. I could ask if she's a lesbian? I've never really been turned down for this so I'm not sure how to react...

Anyways, the point of tonight is to see if there's mutual attraction. And to make clear that I find her attractive.

Please tell me you're not being serious...

 Compel wrote:
I know pretty much nothing about dating, however I can tell you this.

There is absolutely no good outcome whatsoever that can happen from asking a girl you're attracted to if she's a lesbian. None whatsoever.

This.

Yeah, it's much easier if you just pull someone in and exploit their reluctance to make an awkward situation by resisting too much. Why bother using words when that's so much harder and more open to failure?

Yup, rape is great.

The lesbian part was a joke btw
Anyways, about the pulling her in part. In the world of business and sales there's something called "assuming the sale". Basically you just assume that they will buy your product, you assume that they're interested. So you just move forward. If you ask a yes or no question there's a bigger chance that they'll say no. That's why it's better to not ask those type of questions. Do you see what I'm getting at? If you ask and she says no there will still be that awkwardness there. If you put yourself out there there will always be a chance for rejection, that awkwardness. Whether it be in action or through words. So Pere, where's your problem with my method, again?

In my case, its not so much your method, just the way you're intellectualizing (if you can even really say that)... "Tonight I break the barrier between friend and lover." Get the hell over yourself man, just go for the kiss or cuddle or whatever and see where it goes. Ugh, just your entire post is so creeeepy.

I have a hard time calling him a creep and a sociopath for attempting to snuggle with a girl he's already been out with and has now invited him over to her house.

"I have a hard time calling him a rapist or a sociopath for attempting to sleep with a girl he's already been out with and has now invited him over to her house." Thats like implying he has a right to snuggle/cuddle/sleep with her because he took her out on a date. He has no right whatsoever that she doesn't agree to. And the issue isn't that he's attempting to move things forward, its the attitude and the way he is presenting himself here.

The only reason I'm using this strategy is because I know that she's a bit shy. Shy people ALWAYS need a little push, they need the other person to make the first/next move. If you ask a shy person a straight up question like: "do you want to kiss?" they'll stammer, over-think it, and psych themselves out of not doing it. So instead of just asking, set the mood, get a little close, some eye contact, make it so they know exactly what you're getting at. Go in a bit slow, just in case they want to say no.
Also, I am a gentleman, I refuse to ever "rape-kiss" if you know the term. If you don't it's just where you kiss them fast and unexpectedly.

Well I certainly hope so dude, but you realize that you disccusing this stuff with us (as anonymous internet personalities) is more indicative of your inner-monologue than your outwards manifestation/representation of yourself, so the fact that you are presenting yourself in this way just makes you ooze creepiness...

 poppa G wrote:

 Peregrine wrote:

 gorgon wrote:
I have a hard time calling him a creep and a sociopath for attempting to snuggle with a girl he's already been out with and has now invited him over to her house.

It's not attempting to move to the next step that's creepy, it's doing it with a strategy that is explicitly designed to make it harder to say no and doesn't show any concern for the other person's boundaries.

The only reason I'm using this strategy is because I know that she's a bit shy. Shy people ALWAYS need a little push, they need the other person to make the first/next move. If you ask a shy person a straight up question like: "do you want to kiss?" they'll stammer, over-think it, and psych themselves out of not doing it. So instead of just asking, set the mood, get a little close, some eye contact, make it so they know exactly what you're getting at. Go in a bit slow, just in case they want to say no.
Also, I am a gentleman, I refuse to ever "rape-kiss" if you know the term. If you don't it's just where you kiss them fast and unexpectedly.

I have an idea poppa G. Don't be so desperate to break any kind of friend/lover barriers. No one likes someone who is desperate.

In sales/business there is another saying. A Sale is simply the transfer of enthusiasm from one person to another. Just focus on having a good time and be confident that you are a good catch. If you act like a good catch, she will perceive that you are a good catch. Plus, if you constantly act like a good catch, you might actually turn out to be one! You have transferred your enthusiams for being with her, to her being enthusiastic about being with you. Once that enthusiasm is built, things will go organically from there.

If you fail to build that enthusiasm then you will get no where.

chaos0xomega wrote:
Wow... the French ranking system is weird, but 5.7/5.8 for a first time climber is pretty good, but lead climbing?? O.O I've been climbing for over a year and I still can't lead climb (though I do drag rope to practice).

Yeah, she is pretty good.
Are you climbing indoor ? If that is the case, you really should be able to lead climb! Just go to an easy route you are pretty confident you will be able to do without falling, find someone who is a good teacher to bailey you, and give it a try. You will see, it is quite a different experience when falling means really falling, not just letting go of the hold . Falling can be fun or frustrating, or both at the same time, actually.
If you are doing that outdoor, it might be harder. I remember falling while lead-climbing and being stuck upside-down, my back to the wall : I was completely incapable of doing anything, hopefully that happened very close to ground-level! That was quite a long time ago, at least ten years, but I still remember that falling outdoor can be serious business.
Do you climb in a club, or with friends ?
The plan was to first have her top roping with about 1 meter of slack, then do the same but also having her stop to clip the part of the rope she is not attached to, so that she get used to let go off one hand, and last have her lead climb. Maybe skip the second part if she seems she does not need it, or on the contrary do it twice if she does not seem very confident. I will check with the colleagues I go climbing with if they think this is okay, because most of them also started climbing recently, so they remember their first time better than me.
(I was so unprepared to talk about climbing in English. I basically knew none of the specific terms beforehand. I was using lots of French words in the middle of English sentences. I only managed to write this message thanks to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossary_of_climbing_terms . Next time I will be ready! )

I am going on a double-feature B-movie Italian western on Friday with a friend, I wonder if I should invite her. I think I will.

chaos0xomega wrote:

The only reason I'm using this strategy is because I know that she's a bit shy. Shy people ALWAYS need a little push, they need the other person to make the first/next move. If you ask a shy person a straight up question like: "do you want to kiss?" they'll stammer, over-think it, and psych themselves out of not doing it. So instead of just asking, set the mood, get a little close, some eye contact, make it so they know exactly what you're getting at. Go in a bit slow, just in case they want to say no.
Also, I am a gentleman, I refuse to ever "rape-kiss" if you know the term. If you don't it's just where you kiss them fast and unexpectedly.

Well I certainly hope so dude, but you realize that you disccusing this stuff with us (as anonymous internet personalities) is more indicative of your inner-monologue than your outwards manifestation/representation of yourself, so the fact that you are presenting yourself in this way just makes you ooze creepiness...

*shrug* I just filed his presentation and choice of words under "general awkwardness," of which there's plenty in this thread. I think he was just trying to say that he's planning to make a move, and I think that sounds reasonable under the circumstances.

An important point here is that while you should always be respectful, being *excessively respectful* can screw up your opportunities. Guys who are inexperienced and lack confidence can be especially prone to this. They often rationalize their fears as them being "a perfect gentlemen." But if a girl feels that she's given you signals and you haven't made your move, she's liable to move you from the "gentleman" category to the "not interested romantically" category and move on quickly. And once a girl does that, it's hard to undo it.

With experience, you get a much better sense for when to make your move. Which is why you dateless guys should be out there practicing. I don't want to hear about any of you being disrespectful out there. However, I also don't think it'd be the end of the world if some of you guys were *respectfully overeager* a time or two (i.e. making the move even if you're unsure, but not in a way that'll get you slapped). The experience -- whether success or failure -- would probably do you some good and help you develop that sense I'm talking about.

chaos0xomega wrote:

 Seaward wrote:
Why is this thread any longer than simply saying, "ask"?

Cuz not all of us are naval aviators.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

Medium of Death wrote:Good luck with that Hybrid, hope it goes well!

chaos0xomega wrote:Nice! Good job Hybrid!!!

Thanks!
I think it went quite well on the climbing front : she learned to do the figure-eight knot, she learned to belay, she did what we call «école de vol» in French (jumping off the wall just as an exercise so when you actually fall, you are more confident), she was able to do 5A climbing routes (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grade_%28climbing%29#Free_climbing_2 ) with relative ease, and she went halfway through 5B climbing routes ! This is pretty good for a first time, I guess. Next time she should try lead climbing.
On the date front, though… I do not know, I am quite clueless . Actually, I do not even know if she has a boyfriend or not .

Wow... the French ranking system is weird, but 5.7/5.8 for a first time climber is pretty good, but lead climbing?? O.O I've been climbing for over a year and I still can't lead climb (though I do drag rope to practice). In any case, I would say keep doing what you're doing, flirt a little bit, see where it goes... worst comes to worst she's involved and oh well, you can get some good practice in.

So I'm going over to that girl's house today, the one I took on a date recently mentioned in this thread. It is tonight I break the barrier between friend and lover. Upon seeing her I will initiate a hug, slightly longer than other ones. If she sits down on the couch first I will sit close to her, close enough to pull her in to cuddle during the horror film. No words are necessary I think.
1. If I sit down first then I'll have to tell her to come sit by me, maybe I'll pull the 'I'm scared of horror movies/card".
2. If she turns me down to cuddle...hm. I could ask if she's a lesbian? I've never really been turned down for this so I'm not sure how to react...

Anyways, the point of tonight is to see if there's mutual attraction. And to make clear that I find her attractive.

Please tell me you're not being serious...

 Compel wrote:
I know pretty much nothing about dating, however I can tell you this.

There is absolutely no good outcome whatsoever that can happen from asking a girl you're attracted to if she's a lesbian. None whatsoever.

This.

Yeah, it's much easier if you just pull someone in and exploit their reluctance to make an awkward situation by resisting too much. Why bother using words when that's so much harder and more open to failure?

Yup, rape is great.

The lesbian part was a joke btw
Anyways, about the pulling her in part. In the world of business and sales there's something called "assuming the sale". Basically you just assume that they will buy your product, you assume that they're interested. So you just move forward. If you ask a yes or no question there's a bigger chance that they'll say no. That's why it's better to not ask those type of questions. Do you see what I'm getting at? If you ask and she says no there will still be that awkwardness there. If you put yourself out there there will always be a chance for rejection, that awkwardness. Whether it be in action or through words. So Pere, where's your problem with my method, again?

In my case, its not so much your method, just the way you're intellectualizing (if you can even really say that)... "Tonight I break the barrier between friend and lover." Get the hell over yourself man, just go for the kiss or cuddle or whatever and see where it goes. Ugh, just your entire post is so creeeepy.

I have a hard time calling him a creep and a sociopath for attempting to snuggle with a girl he's already been out with and has now invited him over to her house.

"I have a hard time calling him a rapist or a sociopath for attempting to sleep with a girl he's already been out with and has now invited him over to her house." Thats like implying he has a right to snuggle/cuddle/sleep with her because he took her out on a date. He has no right whatsoever that she doesn't agree to. And the issue isn't that he's attempting to move things forward, its the attitude and the way he is presenting himself here.

The only reason I'm using this strategy is because I know that she's a bit shy. Shy people ALWAYS need a little push, they need the other person to make the first/next move. If you ask a shy person a straight up question like: "do you want to kiss?" they'll stammer, over-think it, and psych themselves out of not doing it. So instead of just asking, set the mood, get a little close, some eye contact, make it so they know exactly what you're getting at. Go in a bit slow, just in case they want to say no.
Also, I am a gentleman, I refuse to ever "rape-kiss" if you know the term. If you don't it's just where you kiss them fast and unexpectedly.

Well I certainly hope so dude, but you realize that you disccusing this stuff with us (as anonymous internet personalities) is more indicative of your inner-monologue than your outwards manifestation/representation of yourself, so the fact that you are presenting yourself in this way just makes you ooze creepiness...

hahah oh lord. I'm just going to start talking plainly from here on out. Humor doesn't exist here, I get. it. But that second post about shy people was fairly serious.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
Wow... the French ranking system is weird, but 5.7/5.8 for a first time climber is pretty good, but lead climbing?? O.O I've been climbing for over a year and I still can't lead climb (though I do drag rope to practice).

Yeah, she is pretty good.
Are you climbing indoor ? If that is the case, you really should be able to lead climb! Just go to an easy route you are pretty confident you will be able to do without falling, find someone who is a good teacher to bailey you, and give it a try. You will see, it is quite a different experience when falling means really falling, not just letting go of the hold . Falling can be fun or frustrating, or both at the same time, actually.
If you are doing that outdoor, it might be harder. I remember falling while lead-climbing and being stuck upside-down, my back to the wall : I was completely incapable of doing anything, hopefully that happened very close to ground-level! That was quite a long time ago, at least ten years, but I still remember that falling outdoor can be serious business.
Do you climb in a club, or with friends ?
The plan was to first have her top roping with about 1 meter of slack, then do the same but also having her stop to clip the part of the rope she is not attached to, so that she get used to let go off one hand, and last have her lead climb. Maybe skip the second part if she seems she does not need it, or on the contrary do it twice if she does not seem very confident. I will check with the colleagues I go climbing with if they think this is okay, because most of them also started climbing recently, so they remember their first time better than me.
(I was so unprepared to talk about climbing in English. I basically knew none of the specific terms beforehand. I was using lots of French words in the middle of English sentences. I only managed to write this message thanks to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossary_of_climbing_terms . Next time I will be ready! )

I am going on a double-feature B-movie Italian western on Friday with a friend, I wonder if I should invite her. I think I will.

Yeah, I do indoor climbing, I've never been outdoor but the indoor lead routes at my gym are all overhang based and excruciatingly long, I tried climbing one of the easier routes (dragging rope, it was set up to be a dual top/lead route) once and I only made it about half way before my arms game out, I think one of the bigger issues is that I still have a lot of trouble clipping which causes me to waste a lot of time (and energy) more or less hanging upside down lol. But otherwise I usually climb with friends (who are all way way better than me).

*shrug* I just filed his presentation and choice of words under "general awkwardness," of which there's plenty in this thread. I think he was just trying to say that he's planning to make a move, and I think that sounds reasonable under the circumstances.

Yes, that I agree with, but the way he was phrasing it... just... creeeeepy.

hahah oh lord. I'm just going to start talking plainly from here on out. Humor doesn't exist here, I get. it. But that second post about shy people was fairly serious.

Well if you were trying to be a little dramatic, you took it way too far... 'Never go full slow' lol Like seriously, I was half expecting you to go into a romance novel description of how you intended to bed her using heavy metaphors to describe everything...

chaos0xomega wrote:
Yeah, I do indoor climbing, I've never been outdoor but the indoor lead routes at my gym are all overhang based and excruciatingly long

Then that is why you are not lead climbing ! We will try it on a very easy route, at first. And no overhang !

chaos0xomega wrote:
I think one of the bigger issues is that I still have a lot of trouble clipping which causes me to waste a lot of time (and energy) more or less hanging upside down lol.

I still do too, man, I still do. It is not easy to clip while fighting to keep balance. Actually, finding the right place and position to clip is pretty hard, and can make a huge difference.

chaos0xomega wrote:

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
Wow... the French ranking system is weird, but 5.7/5.8 for a first time climber is pretty good, but lead climbing?? O.O I've been climbing for over a year and I still can't lead climb (though I do drag rope to practice).

Yeah, she is pretty good.
Are you climbing indoor ? If that is the case, you really should be able to lead climb! Just go to an easy route you are pretty confident you will be able to do without falling, find someone who is a good teacher to bailey you, and give it a try. You will see, it is quite a different experience when falling means really falling, not just letting go of the hold . Falling can be fun or frustrating, or both at the same time, actually.
If you are doing that outdoor, it might be harder. I remember falling while lead-climbing and being stuck upside-down, my back to the wall : I was completely incapable of doing anything, hopefully that happened very close to ground-level! That was quite a long time ago, at least ten years, but I still remember that falling outdoor can be serious business.
Do you climb in a club, or with friends ?
The plan was to first have her top roping with about 1 meter of slack, then do the same but also having her stop to clip the part of the rope she is not attached to, so that she get used to let go off one hand, and last have her lead climb. Maybe skip the second part if she seems she does not need it, or on the contrary do it twice if she does not seem very confident. I will check with the colleagues I go climbing with if they think this is okay, because most of them also started climbing recently, so they remember their first time better than me.
(I was so unprepared to talk about climbing in English. I basically knew none of the specific terms beforehand. I was using lots of French words in the middle of English sentences. I only managed to write this message thanks to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossary_of_climbing_terms . Next time I will be ready! )

I am going on a double-feature B-movie Italian western on Friday with a friend, I wonder if I should invite her. I think I will.

Yeah, I do indoor climbing, I've never been outdoor but the indoor lead routes at my gym are all overhang based and excruciatingly long, I tried climbing one of the easier routes (dragging rope, it was set up to be a dual top/lead route) once and I only made it about half way before my arms game out, I think one of the bigger issues is that I still have a lot of trouble clipping which causes me to waste a lot of time (and energy) more or less hanging upside down lol. But otherwise I usually climb with friends (who are all way way better than me).

*shrug* I just filed his presentation and choice of words under "general awkwardness," of which there's plenty in this thread. I think he was just trying to say that he's planning to make a move, and I think that sounds reasonable under the circumstances.

Yes, that I agree with, but the way he was phrasing it... just... creeeeepy.

hahah oh lord. I'm just going to start talking plainly from here on out. Humor doesn't exist here, I get. it. But that second post about shy people was fairly serious.

Well if you were trying to be a little dramatic, you took it way too far... 'Never go full slow' lol Like seriously, I was half expecting you to go into a romance novel description of how you intended to bed her using heavy metaphors to describe everything...

The thought did cross my mind. XD Perhaps I did go slightly over the line...

Sorry to be annoying, but when posting an answer, you should just edit the quote to keep only what you are answering to, it would make everything clearer and easier to read .

 Peregrine wrote:
It's not attempting to move to the next step that's creepy, it's doing it with a strategy that is explicitly designed to make it harder to say no and doesn't show any concern for the other person's boundaries.

Is he snuggling with chloroform?

She blushed a lot when I did certain things.

This could be misinterpreted, and thats what we're here for!

EDIT: And the following page certainly took this thread to a strange turn.

 Frazzled wrote:

She blushed a lot when I did certain things.

This could be misinterpreted, and thats what we're here for!

EDIT: And the following page certainly took this thread to a strange turn.

hahah it was meant to be odd.
When I came to the door I called her pretty. Had a long hug at the end of the date. Blushed twice.
Good signs?...


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Dreadclaw69 wrote:

 Peregrine wrote:
It's not attempting to move to the next step that's creepy, it's doing it with a strategy that is explicitly designed to make it harder to say no and doesn't show any concern for the other person's boundaries.

Is he snuggling with chloroform?

That's the only way to do it. 100% success rate.

So you didnt break the barrier between friend and lover, huh? ;P always next time, make a move man, if shes the one giving you the long hug, its probably because shes hopin for more.

chaos0xomega wrote:
So you didnt break the barrier between friend and lover, huh? ;P always next time, make a move man, if shes the one giving you the long hug, its probably because shes hopin for more.

Its easy, just take her out, bring her out to a movie, and talk about the movie afterwards, act flirty, talk to her, comfort her, be kind. Be intelligent, be resourceful. 9 times out of 10 that usually works. The one time it doesn't work, she isn't worth it. Been down that path. Sadly I still have knife wounds from that. Damn you Delta Farce agents!

chaos0xomega wrote:
So you didnt break the barrier between friend and lover, huh? ;P always next time, make a move man, if shes the one giving you the long hug, its probably because shes hopin for more.

Well we sat close together and under a blanket? And she suggested we hang out again very soon after the movie.
Soo...maybe? I have a feeling this may move slower than I had in mind.

 poppa G wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
So you didnt break the barrier between friend and lover, huh? ;P always next time, make a move man, if shes the one giving you the long hug, its probably because shes hopin for more.

Well we sat close together and under a blanket? And she suggested we hang out again very soon after the movie.
Soo...maybe? I have a feeling this may move slower than I had in mind.

Dating is always tenacious, you always have to play your cards right. at a certain time.

 Asherian Command wrote:

 poppa G wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
So you didnt break the barrier between friend and lover, huh? ;P always next time, make a move man, if shes the one giving you the long hug, its probably because shes hopin for more.

Well we sat close together and under a blanket? And she suggested we hang out again very soon after the movie.
Soo...maybe? I have a feeling this may move slower than I had in mind.

Dating is always tenacious, you always have to play your cards right. at a certain time.

Very true, my friend. A crazy game of chess.

I feel you're going into relationships in a wrong-minded way if you think the complexities of human relationships are comparable to playing a board game.

 Cheesecat wrote:
I feel you're going into relationships in a wrong-minded way if you think the complexities of human relationships are comparable to playing a board game.

Indeed, especially since it's a game where one side "wins" and the other "loses". It makes it seem very materialistic and shallow, considering we're dealing with living people with emotions.

 Cheesecat wrote:
I feel you're going into relationships in a wrong-minded way if you think the complexities of human relationships are comparable to playing a board game.

With how much chess I play, I equate everything to chess.
With this though, just moves and counter moves. The end game in this isn't win or loss.

Well, that was cringe worthy.

 Cheesecat wrote:
Well, that was cringe worthy.

I aim to please.

Pretty muchi see that if a bloke over analyses "how to get a girl" it wont work or at least wont be natural. Some times stuff works, sometimes it wont, the amount of ques i've missed to see if a girl likes me is insane, i once had a girl over, who i without realizing badly set up for a relationship, at my house she asked me flirty questions, flirted in two languages, hell bend over and "struggled" with my warhammer case yet somehow it went over the top of my head, in retrospect it was sweet, but i missed my chance, not fussed, just i should have acted. Especially on "its been a long time since i kissed someone, can you teach me" >.>

It's not bad, i had started dating my more attractive girlfriend after who did all the same stuff

 Grimskul wrote:

 Cheesecat wrote:
I feel you're going into relationships in a wrong-minded way if you think the complexities of human relationships are comparable to playing a board game.

Indeed, especially since it's a game where one side "wins" and the other "loses". It makes it seem very materialistic and shallow, considering we're dealing with living people with emotions.

That is so true, reminds me of this video although this video is about how North Americans generally compare sex to baseball. I know this thread is about dating but thought I would share the video.

 Asherian Command wrote:
The one time it doesn't work, she isn't worth it.

Here, I think you meant that it is not worth putting efforts to seduce someone who is clearly not interested in you, not that the person who is not interested in you is not worth efforts or something, right ?

 poppa G wrote:
With this though, just moves and counter moves.

What are the countermove, who is doing them, and why ?

I feel like this thread has a couple different groups with a couple of different goals in it.

Group A wants to find a special someone for a relationship
Group B wants to get laid

Therefore, these different goals lead to different methods. If all you want ot do is get laid, you cna take a much more "clinic" approach to it. If you want a relationship, you have to be a bit more genuine and yourself.

 poppa G wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
So you didnt break the barrier between friend and lover, huh? ;P always next time, make a move man, if shes the one giving you the long hug, its probably because shes hopin for more.

Well we sat close together and under a blanket? And she suggested we hang out again very soon after the movie.
Soo...maybe? I have a feeling this may move slower than I had in mind.

You were under a blanket with her, you shoulda friggin cuddled... You just have to slowly lean in towards her, and see if she reciprocates, once she does, keep going in towards eachother and then just put your hand around her... its that easy.

Mind you, I suppose its fine that you didn't this time, going slow is good, going TOO slow is not good.

Pretty muchi see that if a bloke over analyses "how to get a girl" it wont work or at least wont be natural. Some times stuff works, sometimes it wont, the amount of ques i've missed to see if a girl likes me is insane, i once had a girl over, who i without realizing badly set up for a relationship, at my house she asked me flirty questions, flirted in two languages, hell bend over and "struggled" with my warhammer case yet somehow it went over the top of my head, in retrospect it was sweet, but i missed my chance, not fussed, just i should have acted. Especially on "its been a long time since i kissed someone, can you teach me" >.>

It's not bad, i had started dating my more attractive girlfriend after who did all the same stuff

Oh dude, thats nothing, quoted from a chat I was having with a friend last night about this very topic:

got there at like 1AM cuz I hit massive traffic in CT on the way there, as soon as I got there she ran up to me and hugged me tight and didn't let go, everyone was asleep, so we went to her room (the basement), we did a few shots (she made me do twice as many as her), we sat on her bed and talked - a lot - she made all the usual obvious verbal flirting hints, but also said stuff like "wow, its 4 AM and I'm not even tired" and stuff like "I can't believe we've been talking this long, feels like no time has past, I don't think either of us is getting any sleep tonight." etc. etc. etc. and then there were nonverbal signs... like she put her hand on mine, also she leaned up against me and wrapped my arms around her while we were talking, put her head in my lap, etc.

Yes, all extremely obvious, how I didn't tear her clothes off then and there I don't know -___-

actually, I do know, by the time I decided 'okay, those are ALL the signals I have to see' she had her hand on mine and was stroking the back of it with her thumb, and I went to go flip the grip and hold her hand and go for the kiss... and I was a bit too awkward and clumsy about it and she misinterpreted my hand motion as being 'get off me' and was all like 'Oh sorry I didnt mean to cross into your personal space like that' etc. etc. etc. and I was like whelp, there goes that and I was like, no its cool it didn't bother me, just my wrist hurts and I had to move it' kinda deal

As for the Chess analogy, I agree that puts it in too much of an impersonal light and kinda makes it seem too gamelike. I prefer to liken 'courtship' as a dance, it really is just a sociological ritual with its own set of unwritten rules, procedures, and processes... pretty much like a dance.

I feel like this thread has a couple different groups with a couple of different goals in it.

Group A wants to find a special someone for a relationship
Group B wants to get laid

Therefore, these different goals lead to different methods. If all you want ot do is get laid, you cna take a much more "clinic" approach to it. If you want a relationship, you have to be a bit more genuine and yourself.

Theres Group C who wants both simultaneously Though I think being genuine is the best approach overall.

 Easy E wrote:
If all you want ot do is get laid, you cna take a much more "clinic" approach to it.

Understatement of the year probably. How to get laid:

1) Go to craigslist (or other sites that are probably not safe to mention here).

2) Find someone else interested in getting laid.

3) Do it.

 Easy E wrote:
I feel like this thread has a couple different groups with a couple of different goals in it.

Group A wants to find a special someone for a relationship
Group B wants to get laid

Therefore, these different goals lead to different methods. If all you want ot do is get laid, you cna take a much more "clinic" approach to it. If you want a relationship, you have to be a bit more genuine and yourself.

Well, nice job trying to turn the entire thread into some kind of binary thing, but I don't think that it's developed that way at all. Plus, doesn't A) involve at least some of B)?

Dating involves some strategy no matter the end goal. And no matter the end goal, you have to learn how to ask someone out.

Honestly, I cringe when I see people give that "just be yourself" line of advice. No one is fully "himself" or "herself" on the first meeting or first date. At least not if they want another date. People dress up, clean up, act polite and try to put their best foot forward, and that behavior is expected. Being 100% yourself comes with time. Now, if you're saying "don't be a phony," that I can get behind.

But some guys don't know how to put their best foot forward, and therefore find that "being themselves" isn't working for them. Hence we have this thread.


Edit: @Poppa -- chaosxomega has it right. It's okay though...you can probably take a mulligan on that one. And it's just fine to take things slowly...but note that means *slowly advancing*. If you're interested, you have to let her know that it's going somewhere. If you repeatedly pass up opportunities, she's liable to think that you're "cold," or in the case of a less confident girl, wonder if it's her, if she's misread you, why you don't like her, etc.

Next time we want a small move from you. Polite and respectful, of course. And it can be small...but it needs to happen if you like this girl.

Yes, but we aren;t talking about getting dates as much anymore are we?

We seemed to have moved on a bit.

Well, we need our thread founder to chime in on this, but I think "what do I do now that I have a date" isn't that far out of bounds here. And really, we've been talking about *snuggling* for the past page. I don't agree with the idea that we've suddenly leapt to "getting laid."

If the topic had really switched to that, there'd be some very different advice being thrown around.

 Easy E wrote:
Yes, but we aren;t talking about getting dates as much anymore are we?

We seemed to have moved on a bit.

Alright, so this is how you propose to her, okay? You pick a nice quiet secluded spot, you take her there, and just talk about random stuff, don't act at all differently or give any hints whatsoever what you're about to do...

Fair enough. Carry on. I'm not the thread police.

Still haven't asked her out, going to attempt to do so tomorrow. What would you recommend for a first date if she says yes? All of my ideas seem to be extremely boring or cheesy so far.

KelseyC wrote:

 Grimskul wrote:

 Cheesecat wrote:
I feel you're going into relationships in a wrong-minded way if you think the complexities of human relationships are comparable to playing a board game.

Indeed, especially since it's a game where one side "wins" and the other "loses". It makes it seem very materialistic and shallow, considering we're dealing with living people with emotions.

That is so true, reminds me of this video although this video is about how North Americans generally compare sex to baseball. I know this thread is about dating but thought I would share the video.

Oh gosh, I totally forgot to post the link. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF-CX9mAHPo

KelseyC wrote:

KelseyC wrote:

 Grimskul wrote:

 Cheesecat wrote:
I feel you're going into relationships in a wrong-minded way if you think the complexities of human relationships are comparable to playing a board game.

Indeed, especially since it's a game where one side "wins" and the other "loses". It makes it seem very materialistic and shallow, considering we're dealing with living people with emotions.

That is so true, reminds me of this video although this video is about how North Americans generally compare sex to baseball. I know this thread is about dating but thought I would share the video.

Oh gosh, I totally forgot to post the link. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF-CX9mAHPo

That was brilliant, thanks for the post.

FoWPlayerDeathOfUS.TDs wrote:
Still haven't asked her out, going to attempt to do so tomorrow. What would you recommend for a first date if she says yes? All of my ideas seem to be extremely boring or cheesy so far.

What are your ideas?

Hey guys! Been really busy over the last few weeks, with work and my accidental girlfriend! I'll pitch in again soon, I just need to go back and absorb the conversation since I last posted here.

Also, although this is the 'How to Get a Date' thread, I'm sure no-one would mind too much if it was just about general dating advice.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
OK, so I've been back over the last few pages... I think people are giving poppa G an unduly hard time! We're all here for one of two reasons - either to get advice or give it. I would proffer the suggestion that if you think assuming a girl wants to kiss you and then just going for it instead of asking is anything akin to a 'violation' or 'rape' then you have a lot of growing up to do. It's perfectly fine to assume that a girl would be open to kissing you if you are in a romantic situation with a girl that's clearly into you.

Duh.

The key is determining whether or not she IS actually into you. Incidentally, poppa G, that girl wants you. Stop mucking about. Call her. Call her now.

 Albatross wrote:
Hey guys! Been really busy over the last few weeks, with work and my accidental girlfriend! I'll pitch in again soon, I just need to go back and absorb the conversation since I last posted here.

Also, although this is the 'How to Get a Date' thread, I'm sure no-one would mind too much if it was just about general dating advice.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
OK, so I've been back over the last few pages... I think people are giving poppa G an unduly hard time! We're all here for one of two reasons - either to get advice or give it. I would proffer the suggestion that if you think assuming a girl wants to kiss you and then just going for it instead of asking is anything akin to a 'violation' or 'rape' then you have a lot of growing up to do. It's perfectly fine to assume that a girl would be open to kissing you if you are in a romantic situation with a girl that's clearly into you.

Duh.

The key is determining whether or not she IS actually into you. Incidentally, poppa G, that girl wants you. Stop mucking about. Call her. Call her now.

Thanks man, seems like you and Gorgon are the only ones who don't despise me or something.

chaos0xomega wrote:

 Seaward wrote:
Why is this thread any longer than simply saying, "ask"?

Cuz not all of us are naval aviators.

Don't need to be. Fortune favors the bold, gentlemen.

In all seriousness, the reason Rhino drivers get laid isn't because chicks are really into Rhinos. It's because you learn to be confident, and learn the benefits of appropriate aggression, while flying them.

And I don't think confidence is one of those things you can fake, by the way. I think the surefire way to make yourself palatable to women is to be palatable to women. You don't need to have movie star looks and pull down half a mil a year to be palatable. But you do need to work on yourself a little bit. You need to feel good about yourself, basically. And you get that by accomplishing some goals, getting yourself into a good place in life. You got your own place, are making a decent living, and don't spend all day in a dark room staring at a screen by way of leisure time? Trust me, you're in good enough shape that a woman politely declining your invitation to dinner isn't the world-ender it seems like when you've got none of those things going for you.

I was being facetious Seaward, though the fact of the matter is that not everyone in this thread is socially well adjusted/confident enough to feel comfortable 'just asking'.

 poppa G wrote:
.

Thanks man, seems like you and Gorgon are the only ones who don't despise me or something.

I think he makes a great point though about getting your gak in order leading to better confidence, though.

 Seaward wrote:

And I don't think confidence is one of those things you can fake, by the way. I think the surefire way to make yourself palatable to women is to be palatable to women. You don't need to have movie star looks and pull down half a mil a year to be palatable. But you do need to work on yourself a little bit. You need to feel good about yourself, basically. And you get that by accomplishing some goals, getting yourself into a good place in life. You got your own place, are making a decent living, and don't spend all day in a dark room staring at a screen by way of leisure time?

I think Seaward and I might actually agree on something.....

/World

 Seaward wrote:
You got your own place, are making a decent living, and don't spend all day in a dark room staring at a screen by way of leisure time? Trust me, you're in good enough shape that a woman politely declining your invitation to dinner isn't the world-ender it seems like when you've got none of those things going for you.

If you are 35 and have never ever been in a romantic relationship with anyone, even if you have your own place, are making a decent living and do not spend all day in a dark room staring at a screen, you wonder if there is something wrong with yourself, I think. Except of course if you are a priest.

Hybrid is so down on himself, but he makes a valid point, at some point, some people become their own barrier due to such events...

 Easy E wrote:
I feel like this thread has a couple different groups with a couple of different goals in it.

Group A wants to find a special someone for a relationship
Group B wants to get laid

Therefore, these different goals lead to different methods. If all you want ot do is get laid, you cna take a much more "clinic" approach to it. If you want a relationship, you have to be a bit more genuine and yourself.

Okay.. Let me offer a different perspective...

Women want to get laid. The notion that women don't want to have sex with men, is absolutely ridiculous. If she doesn't want to f*** you, then she most certainly doesn't want to have a relationship with you where you two are doing any sort of f***ing... Unless the relationship is her USING you for various things. If you are wanting to have a relationship with a woman, then you need to act like a man. If you are "wanting a special relationship" and actually say something like that, you are going to smell like desperation... The only women that want a desperate man is a woman that wants someone to control. You have to bring something to the table. Better yet, you actually have to feel like you have something to offer her. If you are bringing a shoulder to cry on, that's what you will be used for. Get it out of your head that being a man and wanting to have sex with a woman is morally wrong. It's not wrong. It's how you treat them after that is a matter of respect.

Now.. If you think you are ugly, do things to fix that. If you are covered with zits and are overweight, get p90x and go to a dermatologist. Why? To help your self esteem. If you are actively trying to improve yourself, that helps you mentally and will give you confidence when you approach women. Like I said before, you need to actually believe you are worth something.

In all relationships, you need to avoid putting anyone on a pedestal. Ever heard the phrase "rulers make bad lovers"? That is because if you do put her needs above all else, she will too. I'm saying this not so you can dominate her either. The goal is to be on equal footing. Again.. you need to actually believe that is the case. If you believe she is better than you and you don't deserve to be happy, then guess what, you wont be with her and you wont be happy.

If the goal you guys have is to get a date and meet people, the best way to approach that is to work on yourself and gain confidence. Communication is a skill and it needs to be worked on. It's just something you will have to learn how to do just like everyone else does.

In order to make yourself feel more comfortable, plan out the process. You need to straighten your back and shoulders, maintain eye contact and be comfortable talking to the person you are speaking with. Humor is a good tool for striking up conversation and you might need to script it out some to make it through transitions. You obvious

Asking someone to get a cup of coffee or drink is a pretty easy way to start. Your goal should be to find out about her interests and see if they jell with your own. Be casual and don't talk about commitment or . If she is asking about commitment, she most likely does like you already and it will be really easy. It's okay to be genuine and caring if the situation calls for it, but there is a pretty fine line. If you overdo it, you can come across as being fake. Overall, you want to treat her like a big brother would treat his sister during this phase. If you feel a connection, then obviously, get rid of the big brother analogy. The idea is to tease her and be playful. This sounds easier than it actually is and it's likely you will go too far a couple times. You want to keep her on her toes, be funny and confident. It's 100% mental.

The biggest thing that helped me was coming to the realization that dating is not just someone else interviewing me, it's me interviewing them. It's not just about me proving my worth to someone else but them proving their worth to me. Make sense?

I hope this helps you guys. It's just my own personal take and I understand it's only opinion. It worked for me as I'm happily married for coming up on 6 years and have two boys to show for it..

dereksatkinson wrote:

 Easy E wrote:
I feel like this thread has a couple different groups with a couple of different goals in it.

Group A wants to find a special someone for a relationship
Group B wants to get laid

Therefore, these different goals lead to different methods. If all you want ot do is get laid, you cna take a much more "clinic" approach to it. If you want a relationship, you have to be a bit more genuine and yourself.

Okay.. Let me offer a different perspective...

Women want to get laid. The notion that women don't want to have sex with men, is absolutely ridiculous. If she doesn't want to f*** you, then she most certainly doesn't want to have a relationship with you where you two are doing any sort of f***ing... Unless the relationship is her USING you for various things. If you are wanting to have a relationship with a woman, then you need to act like a man. If you are "wanting a special relationship" and actually say something like that, you are going to smell like desperation... The only women that want a desperate man is a woman that wants someone to control. You have to bring something to the table. Better yet, you actually have to feel like you have something to offer her. If you are bringing a shoulder to cry on, that's what you will be used for. Get it out of your head that being a man and wanting to have sex with a woman is morally wrong. It's not wrong. It's how you treat them after that is a matter of respect.

I see where you are coming from; if the sexual attraction is not there, then the relationship will most likely not work. I don't get the whole 'acting like a man' bit though, I thought that having XY chromosomes made somebody a male, I didn't know that the way you act constitutes manliness.

chaos0xomega wrote:
Hybrid is so down on himself, but he makes a valid point, at some point, some people become their own barrier due to such events...

That was a rhetorical point. I am actually only 27 . Also, I share my apartment with roommate for now, and do spend quite a lot of time staring at a screen. But I am working on that last one.

dereksatkinson wrote:
Overall, you want to treat her like a big brother would treat his sister during this phase. If you feel a connection, then obviously, get rid of the big brother analogy. The idea is to tease her and be playful. This sounds easier than it actually is and it's likely you will go too far a couple times. You want to keep her on her toes, be funny and confident. It's 100% mental.

The biggest thing that helped me was coming to the realization that dating is not just someone else interviewing me, it's me interviewing them. It's not just about me proving my worth to someone else but them proving their worth to me. Make sense?

I hope this helps you guys. It's just my own personal take and I understand it's only opinion. It worked for me as I'm happily married for coming up on 6 years and have two boys to show for it..

I like this advice, I'll keep the big brother thing in mind next time. I already treat job interviews like the way you treat relationship interviews, it's not so good in the labour market

chaos0xomega wrote:
I was being facetious Seaward, though the fact of the matter is that not everyone in this thread is socially well adjusted/confident enough to feel comfortable 'just asking'.

That's probably true. And the key to that is, as I said, to get into a place where they can be confident. If you've got nothing going for you, I'd say ignore the whole chick thing until you actually do. You can turn things around pretty dramatically just by hitting the gym three or four days a week, even if you're not necessarily out of shape. And it's not even about looking better - though you will - it's about feeling better. You're out doing something that you feel results from, thus you'll feel better about yourself, thus you'll be more at ease both alone and in social situations. Same with genuinely working on your career or your education or whatever you've got going on.

It also doesn't hurt to diversify hobbies a little. I nerd out with the best of them, both in tabletop and video games, I've got plenty of obscure interests that few or no women share, and hell, I post on here plenty, which is inherently nerdtastic, but I also make sure I keep up with sailing in the summer and beer league hockey during the winter, among other things. The sailing alone has resulted in more casual, "Hey, could you teach me?"-type requests from women than I can count. If I weren't already in a relationship, that kind of thing could very easily be parlayed into some good times.

What type of boat do you sail seaward? How many foot? Skiff, bi-hull, dingy, moving wine decanter (yacht sailing )? I used to sail as a kid, it can either be very relaxing or very intense- and it seems to bring out the worst in people , man, the number of clouts I copped off my dad for not moving fast enough , I copped more hits on the boat than I ever did off the boat and considering the season was spring and summer with a tiny bit of autumn and 1 day a week for about 3 hours that's really saying something. On water domestics were particularly spectacular.

Bullockist wrote:
What type of boat do you sail seaward? How many foot? Skiff, bi-hull, dingy, moving wine decanter (yacht sailing )? I used to sail as a kid, it can either be very relaxing or very intense- and it seems to bring out the worst in people , man, the number of clouts I copped off my dad for not moving fast enough , I copped more hits on the boat than I ever did off the boat and considering the season was spring and summer with a tiny bit of autumn and 1 day a week for about 3 hours that's really saying something. On water domestics were particularly spectacular.

Where I live, our local marina just has a bunch of little Daysailers and 420s and Lazers and things like that. I teach there every other season or so. I go down to the Carib every year with a couple guys and sail the British Virgin Islands, though. We usually rent a 52-foot monohull and stay down for a week, sailing between the islands during the day and drinking at night. Every now and then we'll try out a catamaran, but I prefer monohulls.

I used to sail the stripped down version of a lazer (less power, bigger hull) called a Spiral , I like em as a boat, nothing better than running or reaching on a windy day. Haven't sailed for years but.

 Seaward wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
I was being facetious Seaward, though the fact of the matter is that not everyone in this thread is socially well adjusted/confident enough to feel comfortable 'just asking'.

That's probably true. And the key to that is, as I said, to get into a place where they can be confident. If you've got nothing going for you, I'd say ignore the whole chick thing until you actually do. You can turn things around pretty dramatically just by hitting the gym three or four days a week, even if you're not necessarily out of shape. And it's not even about looking better - though you will - it's about feeling better. You're out doing something that you feel results from, thus you'll feel better about yourself, thus you'll be more at ease both alone and in social situations. Same with genuinely working on your career or your education or whatever you've got going on.

It also doesn't hurt to diversify hobbies a little. I nerd out with the best of them, both in tabletop and video games, I've got plenty of obscure interests that few or no women share, and hell, I post on here plenty, which is inherently nerdtastic, but I also make sure I keep up with sailing in the summer and beer league hockey during the winter, among other things. The sailing alone has resulted in more casual, "Hey, could you teach me?"-type requests from women than I can count. If I weren't already in a relationship, that kind of thing could very easily be parlayed into some good times.

Yeah, agreed. Hitting the gym is huge for your confidence (and looks), and hockey certainly doesn't hurt either, theres an entire category of women that dig hockey players (especially hockey players with beards), and they all tend to be exceptionally awesome lol.

You don't even need a gym, i work out on my floor, i get girls who like me skinny but they love it when i work out a little

 MetalOxide wrote:
I see where you are coming from; if the sexual attraction is not there, then the relationship will most likely not work. I don't get the whole 'acting like a man' bit though, I thought that having XY chromosomes made somebody a male, I didn't know that the way you act constitutes manliness.

Your reply says something. Sarcasm is fine as long as it's actually funny.

For example..

"I thought that having XY chromosomes made somebody a male, I didn't know that the way you act constitutes manliness."

That is an example of being passive aggressive. You want to avoid that. It's very negative and unnecessary. The better way to get that same point across would be to say something like..

"I thought having a cock and balls made me a man. I am so pissed at my biology teacher."

See the difference?

Now.. as to your actual question.. Acting like a male doesn't require just having the ole twigs and berries. Behavior matters. Being confident is great for an initial approach in order to get her number. Once you are meeting someone, it's about who you are.

Are you a negative person? Are you argumentative? If so, you need to fix that. It's okay to be a realist and very important to be able to defend your beliefs but no one likes a whiner.. It will make you look like a little boy in her eyes and immature. How you deal with problems when things don't go your way matters.

Put yourself in this situation.. You order food at a restaurant and it comes out completely wrong. Do you..

A) Eat it anyways...
B) Politely tell the waiter the food they brought was wrong. Ask them to fix it.
C) Ask the waiter to fix it and then talk crap about him/her to your date.
D) Cause a scene.

A, C and D all say something negative about you. gak happens and you deal with it and move on. There is no need to blow up over things that are insignificant. People that do are lonely. That doesn't mean you act completely passive and allow bad things to go unchecked as with option A.

What i'm trying to say is that you need to be showing her that you have your gak together. You want to show that you have control over your own life and your behavior says a lot about that. You need to be honest with yourself about your own personal flaws and deal with them. That's what a man would do. A boy wouldn't.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 tau tse tung wrote:
You don't even need a gym, i work out on my floor, i get girls who like me skinny but they love it when i work out a little

Do the P90X program for 3 months. Be dedicated and you'll see results.

 tau tse tung wrote:
You don't even need a gym, i work out on my floor, i get girls who like me skinny but they love it when i work out a little

I don't that the kit, but i used a pull up bar, did push ups and squats for around a month and started getting abs, i went up by 10 each week so by the end of two months i was roughly doing 80 on each. Sadly my workout was killed by

1. Revising for exams.
2. Going to China and having tiles as floors, which if the Chinese see walking on barefoot as bad then i wont to my push ups on it either.

Anyway, it wont take long so i can get back in shape easy.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 tau tse tung wrote:

 tau tse tung wrote:
You don't even need a gym, i work out on my floor, i get girls who like me skinny but they love it when i work out a little

I don't that the kit, but i used a pull up bar, did push ups and squats for around a month and started getting abs, i went up by 10 each week so by the end of two months i was roughly doing 80 on each. Sadly my workout was killed by

1. Revising for exams.
2. Going to China and having tiles as floors, which if the Chinese see walking on barefoot as bad then i wont to my push ups on it either.

Anyway, it wont take long so i can get back in shape easy.

I just looked at the P90x, they overcharge worse than forge world. I did my own workout with a pull up bar that cost around 10 pounds.

Not that I condone this, but if you really want to do P90x, there are ways to get it for free... >.>

but you didn't hear that from me... <.<

chaos0xomega wrote:
Not that I condone this, but if you really want to do P90x, there are ways to get it for free... >.>

but you didn't hear that from me... <.<

Hi, I just met you, and this s crazzzzy.

But my names google, search me baby!

BAHAHAHA, that was amazing.

 tau tse tung wrote:
I just looked at the P90x, they overcharge worse than forge world. I did my own workout with a pull up bar that cost around 10 pounds.

I'm not advocating that you take supplements. The workouts are all over the internet.

And I WOULD recommend finding them and giving it a shot. Follow the routine too.

So, to try and get this thread back on track....

I just had a nice date with someone. What do I do next?

dereksatkinson wrote:

 MetalOxide wrote:
I see where you are coming from; if the sexual attraction is not there, then the relationship will most likely not work. I don't get the whole 'acting like a man' bit though, I thought that having XY chromosomes made somebody a male, I didn't know that the way you act constitutes manliness.

Your reply says something. Sarcasm is fine as long as it's actually funny.

For example..

"I thought that having XY chromosomes made somebody a male, I didn't know that the way you act constitutes manliness."

That is an example of being passive aggressive. You want to avoid that. It's very negative and unnecessary. The better way to get that same point across would be to say something like..

"I thought having a cock and balls made me a man. I am so pissed at my biology teacher."

See the difference?

Now.. as to your actual question.. Acting like a male doesn't require just having the ole twigs and berries. Behavior matters. Being confident is great for an initial approach in order to get her number. Once you are meeting someone, it's about who you are.

Are you a negative person? Are you argumentative? If so, you need to fix that. It's okay to be a realist and very important to be able to defend your beliefs but no one likes a whiner.. It will make you look like a little boy in her eyes and immature. How you deal with problems when things don't go your way matters.

Put yourself in this situation.. You order food at a restaurant and it comes out completely wrong. Do you..

A) Eat it anyways...
B) Politely tell the waiter the food they brought was wrong. Ask them to fix it.
C) Ask the waiter to fix it and then talk crap about him/her to your date.
D) Cause a scene.

A, C and D all say something negative about you. gak happens and you deal with it and move on. There is no need to blow up over things that are insignificant. People that do are lonely. That doesn't mean you act completely passive and allow bad things to go unchecked as with option A.

What i'm trying to say is that you need to be showing her that you have your gak together. You want to show that you have control over your own life and your behavior says a lot about that. You need to be honest with yourself about your own personal flaws and deal with them. That's what a man would do. A boy wouldn't.

Okay, thanks for explaining that for me.

 Easy E wrote:
So, to try and get this thread back on track....

I just had a nice date with someone. What do I do next?

Depends. I presume you're going to want to set up another date with said person (provided they want to of course) but besides that I would recommend eating, sleeping or maybe even taking a dump if you've been holding it in this whole time.

 Easy E wrote:
So, to try and get this thread back on track....

I just had a nice date with someone. What do I do next?

Continue talking to her regularly, either go on another date or just chill at one of your places.

 Easy E wrote:
So, to try and get this thread back on track....

I just had a nice date with someone. What do I do next?

Build a sex dungeon beneath your house and kinda just work up from there.

Gentleman! Guess who just got that kiss!(And lots more)
I initiated the cuddle, she followed suit. As we were leaving for Thai food I stopped her on the stairs. Debated in my mind just to go for it or say something stupid. I said: "What would you do if I kissed you right now?" She replied with "kiss back" So I went for it and boom. Her parents love me already. I could see myself getting in a relationship with her.
*leans back in chair* Walking on air boys, walking on air.

I'm also making progress; the corners of my mouth rise slightly whenever I stare at someone I find attractive. I believe I'll be able to smile at them in a few more weeks!

 Avatar 720 wrote:
I'm also making progress; the corners of my mouth rise slightly whenever I stare at someone I find attractive. I believe I'll be able to smile at them in a few more weeks!

They might mistake that for psychopathic tendencies.

If the smiling doesn't do it, then the raincoat and axe might.

Do you think playing 'Hip to be square' in the background would be overkill?

 Avatar 720 wrote:
I'm also making progress; the corners of my mouth rise slightly whenever I stare at someone I find attractive. I believe I'll be able to smile at them in a few more weeks!

That is very good. Do you think you can push it further, and smile within a week ? Also, do you manage to go talk with them, initiate a conversation ?

 Avatar 720 wrote:
If the smiling doesn't do it, then the raincoat and axe might.

Do you think playing 'Hip to be square' in the background would be overkill?

Nah, not at all.

+1 for Tinder, by the way. If it works in this small town, in a big city you should be able to clean up.

What's worked for me is: don't do a first "date." Girls you meet online may think you're a serial killer. Even if they don't, it's a lot easier to be fun around someone when there's a social vibe.

Make plans with friends and say something like, "I'm going to karaoke with some friends at __________ tonight. You should come by if you aren't doing anything. You don't want to miss my hideous rendition of ________ by _________."




If you are a skilled conversationalist, or at least mildly entertaining, you should have an easier time creating attraction in a public setting than when you're one-on-one with somebody and you have to TRY. It's a lot easier to be yourself in a group than it is when you're actively trying to be attractive to someone else.

IF there's real attraction, it should be pretty obvious and it'll make your job that much easier when you actually take the girl out on a "date."



PS: Funny story...last night I took home a Tinder girl. 100% Obama-loving liberal hippie girl...peace corps activist, spent time volunteering to help people in Africa and South America...total moonbat liberal. I keep an AR15 rifle next to my bed. Through all of the events of last night and this morning, she didn't even notice it there. Some women are completely oblivious.

Anybody read any books by geoffrey miller? I think this might be more applicable to this group than the general population.

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:
+1 for Tinder, by the way. If it works in this small town, in a big city you should be able to clean up.

What's worked for me is: don't do a first "date." Girls you meet online may think you're a serial killer. Even if they don't, it's a lot easier to be fun around someone when there's a social vibe.

Make plans with friends and say something like, "I'm going to karaoke with some friends at __________ tonight. You should come by if you aren't doing anything. You don't want to miss my hideous rendition of ________ by _________."




If you are a skilled conversationalist, or at least mildly entertaining, you should have an easier time creating attraction in a public setting than when you're one-on-one with somebody and you have to TRY. It's a lot easier to be yourself in a group than it is when you're actively trying to be attractive to someone else.

IF there's real attraction, it should be pretty obvious and it'll make your job that much easier when you actually take the girl out on a "date."



PS: Funny story...last night I took home a Tinder girl. 100% Obama-loving liberal hippie girl...peace corps activist, spent time volunteering to help people in Africa and South America...total moonbat liberal. I keep an AR15 rifle next to my bed. Through all of the events of last night and this morning, she didn't even notice it there. Some women are completely oblivious.

I used meetme for awhile. Works like a charm. Got my last two gfs that way.

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:
+1 for Tinder, by the way. If it works in this small town, in a big city you should be able to clean up.

What's worked for me is: don't do a first "date." Girls you meet online may think you're a serial killer. Even if they don't, it's a lot easier to be fun around someone when there's a social vibe.

Make plans with friends and say something like, "I'm going to karaoke with some friends at __________ tonight. You should come by if you aren't doing anything. You don't want to miss my hideous rendition of ________ by _________."

I have been on 2 dates from online before, both first dates I was so scared about them being not who they say they are and maybe wanting to hurt me. They both turned out pretty good though, I could have been waaaay safer but I don't drive so it was hard to get to the date myself and I had them pick me up. So what you are saying is pretty true, at least for me. I think that is just how it is, I can't think of a way either of them could have made me not nervous on the first date.

 KelseyC wrote:

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:
+1 for Tinder, by the way. If it works in this small town, in a big city you should be able to clean up.

What's worked for me is: don't do a first "date." Girls you meet online may think you're a serial killer. Even if they don't, it's a lot easier to be fun around someone when there's a social vibe.

Make plans with friends and say something like, "I'm going to karaoke with some friends at __________ tonight. You should come by if you aren't doing anything. You don't want to miss my hideous rendition of ________ by _________."

I have been on 2 dates from online before, both first dates I was so scared about them being not who they say they are and maybe wanting to hurt me. They both turned out pretty good though, I could have been waaaay safer but I don't drive so it was hard to get to the date myself and I had them pick me up. So what you are saying is pretty true, at least for me. I think that is just how it is, I can't think of a way either of them could have made me not nervous on the first date.

Talked to what I thought was a girl, turned out to be a guy...
That is what I was scared of and it came to be.

 poppa G wrote:

 KelseyC wrote:

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:
+1 for Tinder, by the way. If it works in this small town, in a big city you should be able to clean up.

What's worked for me is: don't do a first "date." Girls you meet online may think you're a serial killer. Even if they don't, it's a lot easier to be fun around someone when there's a social vibe.

Make plans with friends and say something like, "I'm going to karaoke with some friends at __________ tonight. You should come by if you aren't doing anything. You don't want to miss my hideous rendition of ________ by _________."

I have been on 2 dates from online before, both first dates I was so scared about them being not who they say they are and maybe wanting to hurt me. They both turned out pretty good though, I could have been waaaay safer but I don't drive so it was hard to get to the date myself and I had them pick me up. So what you are saying is pretty true, at least for me. I think that is just how it is, I can't think of a way either of them could have made me not nervous on the first date.

Talked to what I thought was a girl, turned out to be a guy...
That is what I was scared of and it came to be.

I guess that is always something that can happen as well. Most of the people on the site I was on just wanted to meet for a hook up or messaged me just to ask for nude pictures. I can't really decide if my short time with online dating was overall a positive or negative experience.

 KelseyC wrote:

 poppa G wrote:

 KelseyC wrote:

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:
+1 for Tinder, by the way. If it works in this small town, in a big city you should be able to clean up.

What's worked for me is: don't do a first "date." Girls you meet online may think you're a serial killer. Even if they don't, it's a lot easier to be fun around someone when there's a social vibe.

Make plans with friends and say something like, "I'm going to karaoke with some friends at __________ tonight. You should come by if you aren't doing anything. You don't want to miss my hideous rendition of ________ by _________."

I have been on 2 dates from online before, both first dates I was so scared about them being not who they say they are and maybe wanting to hurt me. They both turned out pretty good though, I could have been waaaay safer but I don't drive so it was hard to get to the date myself and I had them pick me up. So what you are saying is pretty true, at least for me. I think that is just how it is, I can't think of a way either of them could have made me not nervous on the first date.

Talked to what I thought was a girl, turned out to be a guy...
That is what I was scared of and it came to be.

I guess that is always something that can happen as well. Most of the people on the site I was on just wanted to meet for a hook up or messaged me just to ask for nude pictures. I can't really decide if my short time with online dating was overall a positive or negative experience.

That's not an online thing - most guys you would meet at a bar probably would ask you the same thing if they were hiding behind a computer screen.

That is true, it may even be more scary at a bar for me lol I never really go out at all though, which is why I tried the whole online thing.

 KelseyC wrote:
That is true, it may even be more scary at a bar for me lol I never really go out at all though, which is why I tried the whole online thing.

Fair enough. You're missing out though - nothing says romance like, "Hey...want to go have a romp in the bathroom?"

Sounds delightful.

I think I will stick with my staying home and only going out to the FLGS in town.

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:

 KelseyC wrote:
That is true, it may even be more scary at a bar for me lol I never really go out at all though, which is why I tried the whole online thing.

Fair enough. You're missing out though - nothing says romance like, "Hey...want to go have a romp in the bathroom?"

Chains and whips included?

I genuinely do wonder about online dating sites.

I see quite a lot of girls on the ones I'm on (okcupid and plentyoffish), who put up messages attempting to dissuade assorted creepy nudez-please / weirdo messages.

It really does make me wonder what the ratio of.

1) Scary / Weird
is to
2) Guys they're not interested in
to
3) Guys they'd reply to
to
4) Guys they'd message first.

I've actually heard good things about match.com, from a few buddies that have used it.

I was on match.com for about 6 months. It was hell to cancel it (and they've been on the 'Watchdog' complaints TV show at least twice because of it), plus I think about 10 girls actually looked at my profile the whole time.

It's not much good in the UK.

Compel, there have been studies done.

http://jonmillward.com/blog/attraction-dating/cupid-on-trial-a-4-month-online-dating-experiment/



Long story short, online dating is heavily stacked in favor of women. My opinion: who cares. It's not about how many times you swing the bat, it's about how many times you hit the ball.

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:
Compel, there have been studies done.

http://jonmillward.com/blog/attraction-dating/cupid-on-trial-a-4-month-online-dating-experiment/



Long story short, online dating is heavily stacked in favor of women. My opinion: who cares. It's not about how many times you swing the bat, it's about how many times you hit the ball.

hahah damn.

Tinder is the way forward, gents. It's awesome, free, and girls actually use it. Plus, if you live in a big city like I do, you really can clean up.

Like I do.

I'm literally talking to about 5 girls at the moment. It's great. Super-easy to use. The best thing about it is you can only talk to people who have indicated that they're attracted to you, which is good because it saves loads of time and awkwardness. You can just crack straight on with winning her over with some sparkling repartee!

Honestly, this thread should be half a page long and filled with me posting 'GET ON TINDER' over and over again. It's foolproof.

What's roughly the average age for people on Tinder?

 Cheesecat wrote:
What's roughly the average age for people on Tinder?

16 lol

The youngest it goes is 18. Trust me, I've tried.


/yewtree

 Albatross wrote:
The youngest it goes is 18. Trust me, I've tried.


/yewtree

But is that like the target audience or is it more popular with other ages?

 Albatross wrote:
The youngest it goes is 18. Trust me, I've tried.


/yewtree

Well, then it's mostly 18 year olds hahah

 Cheesecat wrote:

 Albatross wrote:
The youngest it goes is 18. Trust me, I've tried.


/yewtree

But is that like the target audience or is it more popular with other ages?

Nah, there's loads of girls in the age-range I'm looking for i.e. 22-35. It's a real mix. It's honestly cool as feth, you should give it a whirl, mate. I've met some interesting girls on there. It's even got me laid a few times.

Thanks alby I'll give it a try.

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:
PS: Funny story...last night I took home a Tinder girl. 100% Obama-loving liberal hippie girl...peace corps activist, spent time volunteering to help people in Africa and South America...total moonbat liberal. I keep an AR15 rifle next to my bed. Through all of the events of last night and this morning, she didn't even notice it there. Some women are completely oblivious.

Well, was she from the U.S. ? That whole hysteria about weapons is really something very, very special to the U.S., as far as I can tell. There are a few debates in Switzerland about people keeping their military weapons at home because, well… they are military-grade weapons, and this concern a LOT of people, but really, it does not even come close to the mass hysteria there is in the U.S. . The fact the Swiss actually trust their democracy and do not to face any significant amount of insecurity compared to the U.S. surely helps but still.

 Albatross wrote:
Tinder is the way forward, gents. It's awesome, free, and girls actually use it.

And if you do not have a smartphone ?

 Albatross wrote:
Plus, if you live in a big city like I do, you really can clean up.

I do not understand what you mean.

 Albatross wrote:
The best thing about it is you can only talk to people who have indicated that they're attracted to you, which is good because it saves loads of time and awkwardness.

It is good… if you find some .

 poppa G wrote:
Gentleman! Guess who just got that kiss!(And lots more)
I initiated the cuddle, she followed suit. As we were leaving for Thai food I stopped her on the stairs. Debated in my mind just to go for it or say something stupid. I said: "What would you do if I kissed you right now?" She replied with "kiss back" So I went for it and boom. Her parents love me already. I could see myself getting in a relationship with her.
*leans back in chair* Walking on air boys, walking on air.

Jealous!

PS: Funny story...last night I took home a Tinder girl. 100% Obama-loving liberal hippie girl...peace corps activist, spent time volunteering to help people in Africa and South America...total moonbat liberal. I keep an AR15 rifle next to my bed. Through all of the events of last night and this morning, she didn't even notice it there. Some women are completely oblivious.

See above!

Re: Tinder, its really only as good as your photos. So, if you're not the kind to socialize with people that photo-document EVERYTHING, or if you're not a photogenic type in general, then you might be SOL on that front. Same is true of any e-dating site really.

 Compel wrote:
I genuinely do wonder about online dating sites.

I see quite a lot of girls on the ones I'm on (okcupid and plentyoffish), who put up messages attempting to dissuade assorted creepy nudez-please / weirdo messages.

It really does make me wonder what the ratio of.

1) Scary / Weird
is to
2) Guys they're not interested in
to
3) Guys they'd reply to
to
4) Guys they'd message first.

Women get flooded with messages from creepy guys. There have been documented studies where people create the worst possible profile of a woman, put a pretty picutre on it, and are deluged with messages, often creepy.

 Albatross wrote:
Tinder is the way forward, gents. It's awesome, free, and girls actually use it. Plus, if you live in a big city like I do, you really can clean up.

Like I do.

I'm literally talking to about 5 girls at the moment. It's great. Super-easy to use. The best thing about it is you can only talk to people who have indicated that they're attracted to you, which is good because it saves loads of time and awkwardness. You can just crack straight on with winning her over with some sparkling repartee!

Honestly, this thread should be half a page long and filled with me posting 'GET ON TINDER' over and over again. It's foolproof.

Are you a paid spokesperson infiltarting our community?

I heard that Tinder was just valued at $1 Billion (Maybe it was $10 Billion) by the finacial industry. They seem to agree that it is the way of the future.

 Easy E wrote:

 Albatross wrote:
Tinder is the way forward, gents. It's awesome, free, and girls actually use it. Plus, if you live in a big city like I do, you really can clean up.

Like I do.

I'm literally talking to about 5 girls at the moment. It's great. Super-easy to use. The best thing about it is you can only talk to people who have indicated that they're attracted to you, which is good because it saves loads of time and awkwardness. You can just crack straight on with winning her over with some sparkling repartee!

Honestly, this thread should be half a page long and filled with me posting 'GET ON TINDER' over and over again. It's foolproof.

Are you a paid spokesperson infiltarting our community?

I heard that Tinder was just valued at $1 Billion (Maybe it was $10 Billion) by the finacial industry. They seem to agree that it is the way of the future.

I have wondered if Tinder is more effective than MeetMe.

 Easy E wrote:

 Albatross wrote:
Tinder is the way forward, gents. It's awesome, free, and girls actually use it. Plus, if you live in a big city like I do, you really can clean up.

Like I do.

I'm literally talking to about 5 girls at the moment. It's great. Super-easy to use. The best thing about it is you can only talk to people who have indicated that they're attracted to you, which is good because it saves loads of time and awkwardness. You can just crack straight on with winning her over with some sparkling repartee!

Honestly, this thread should be half a page long and filled with me posting 'GET ON TINDER' over and over again. It's foolproof.

Are you a paid spokesperson infiltarting our community?

I heard that Tinder was just valued at $1 Billion (Maybe it was $10 Billion) by the finacial industry. They seem to agree that it is the way of the future.

I'll be getting on that. It's going to make dating sites obsolete within the next couple of years. Already big, gonna be friggin' HUGE.

And no, I don't bloody work for them!

 Albatross wrote:

 Easy E wrote:

 Albatross wrote:
Tinder is the way forward, gents. It's awesome, free, and girls actually use it. Plus, if you live in a big city like I do, you really can clean up.

Like I do.

I'm literally talking to about 5 girls at the moment. It's great. Super-easy to use. The best thing about it is you can only talk to people who have indicated that they're attracted to you, which is good because it saves loads of time and awkwardness. You can just crack straight on with winning her over with some sparkling repartee!

Honestly, this thread should be half a page long and filled with me posting 'GET ON TINDER' over and over again. It's foolproof.

Are you a paid spokesperson infiltarting our community?

I heard that Tinder was just valued at $1 Billion (Maybe it was $10 Billion) by the finacial industry. They seem to agree that it is the way of the future.

I'll be getting on that. It's going to make dating sites obsolete within the next couple of years. Already big, gonna be friggin' HUGE.

And no, I don't bloody work for them!

Seriously though; it works!

I'd avoid Tender if you are wanting to get a relationship. The women that use that application are likely going to give you dick rot. It's explicitly for hooking up. If you just need a confidence boost, by all means.

Btw.. If you want to know which of your friends on facebook use tinder, it's able to be looked up by anyone. So unless you want your relatives knowing, I'd advise setting up a second account.

How do you look it up?

And if you're looking for a confidence boost... tinder ain't it, got no confidence boost whatsoever, just spammed by bots :(

Son of a-
The girl I liked..only wants action. She has shown no sign of wanting anything romantic. Then again this is the first introvert I've dated. Maybe I'm reading things wrong...

What happened?And why are you complaining?

chaos0xomega wrote:
And why are you complaining?

I can answer that: because he wanted a romantic relationship. At least that seems the obvious answer.

My advice: never go after a romantic relationship when she's not interested. State your interest, sure, but if she says no, walk away.

I've lost months of my life chasing women that simply didn't want me to catch them.

 Polonius wrote:
My advice: never go after a romantic relationship when she's not interested. State your interest, sure, but if she says no, walk away.

I've lost months of my life chasing women that simply didn't want me to catch them.

It's not bad advice, but in this case I'm not sure that it's worth walking away already.

Poppa, my advice would be to have some fun and see what happens. It sounds like you've only had a few dates, so it might be a little soon for the relationship anyway. I've definitely dated women who stood firm about not getting too serious...until they suddenly flipped and decided that they wanted to be serious. Note that in those cases I wasn't chasing them around like a puppy dog...I simply kept a nice, easygoing attitude -- and my options open -- and let life come to me.

In the meantime, when someone else comes along, explore that option. Use the confidence you gained from this experience and apply it to HER. You're still a success story!

 gorgon wrote:

 Polonius wrote:
My advice: never go after a romantic relationship when she's not interested. State your interest, sure, but if she says no, walk away.

I've lost months of my life chasing women that simply didn't want me to catch them.

It's not bad advice, but in this case I'm not sure that it's worth walking away already.

Poppa, my advice would be to have some fun and see what happens. It sounds like you've only had a few dates, so it might be a little soon for the relationship anyway. I've definitely dated women who stood firm about not getting too serious...until they suddenly flipped and decided that they wanted to be serious. Note that in those cases I wasn't chasing them around like a puppy dog...I simply kept a nice, easygoing attitude -- and my options open -- and let life come to me.

In the meantime, when someone else comes along, explore that option. Use the confidence you gained from this experience and apply it to HER. You're still a success story!

It would be silly to walk so suddenly. And my experience is skewed. I work way too fast, according to others anyways. Today was different though. So I guess she just doesn't like texting? But when we were hanging out today there was a different look in her eye. And after kissing she would smile and get all giddy. I have hope again, fellas.
Maybe I'll be her third relationship. This girl is insanely picky when it comes to her men.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
And why are you complaining?

I can answer that: because he wanted a romantic relationship. At least that seems the obvious answer.

Twas a joke!

My advice: never go after a romantic relationship when she's not interested. State your interest, sure, but if she says no, walk away.

I've lost months of my life chasing women that simply didn't want me to catch them.

Agreed. It hurts, but you'll end up hurting more if you keep pursuing/force/convince her into a romantic entanglement that she doesn't really want a part of.

Poppa, my advice would be to have some fun and see what happens. It sounds like you've only had a few dates, so it might be a little soon for the relationship anyway. I've definitely dated women who stood firm about not getting too serious...until they suddenly flipped and decided that they wanted to be serious. Note that in those cases I wasn't chasing them around like a puppy dog...I simply kept a nice, easygoing attitude -- and my options open -- and let life come to me.

Agreed. One of the most solid relationships amongst my friends started out as a fling, neither party wanted anything more out of it than just an easy lay, 3 years later and they're living together and contemplating marriage....

Conversely, I have another set of friends that started the same way (not wanting anything out of it), then she wanted something out of it, he didn't, they broke it off, then he realized he wanted something out of it, they started it up again, she decided she wanted none of it, they broke it off and now they're kinda just long-distance booty calls (she moved up to Toronto).

It would be silly to walk so suddenly. And my experience is skewed. I work way too fast, according to others anyways. Today was different though. So I guess she just doesn't like texting? But when we were hanging out today there was a different look in her eye. And after kissing she would smile and get all giddy. I have hope again, fellas.
Maybe I'll be her third relationship. This girl is insanely picky when it comes to her men.

How about you tell us what the situation is?? From what little you've told us, it seems that you're freaking out because she didn't reply to your texts... don't get clingy man!

Part of the art is letting them know you are interested, but they aren;t the center of your world. At least, at first....

 poppa G wrote:

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:
Compel, there have been studies done.

http://jonmillward.com/blog/attraction-dating/cupid-on-trial-a-4-month-online-dating-experiment/



Long story short, online dating is heavily stacked in favor of women. My opinion: who cares. It's not about how many times you swing the bat, it's about how many times you hit the ball.

hahah damn.

If you want a woman's online dating experience just look up a slide show of dic pics, while listening to stereotypical cartoon construction workers catcalling on loop. It's roughly equivalent.

Something i would like to know about dating is, for the lack of a beter word, ''protocol''.
When i get her number how much time should i spend ''getting to know her'' before asking her to go out with me?
How long should i wait before trying to kiss her?
I had another question but i forgot what it was.

From experience i know its better not to take things too fast, yet i dont want to make the mistake of going too slow.
Funny enough none of the 3 proper girlfriends i had in 19 years of my life did i pick up in a conventional way.

Also in the initial stage, how can i make it obvious that i like her as opposed to ending up in the ''friendzone''?






I talk weird when i had a few beers...

Daemonhammer wrote:
Also in the initial stage, how can i make it obvious that i like her as opposed to ending up in the ''friendzone''?

There is no such thing as the "friendzone", it's a concept invented by entitled s who can't stand the thought of a woman they're interested in not wanting to sleep with them. It was never going to work out, even if you'd been faster the absolute best you could have hoped for would be a brief doomed "relationship" before she realized she wasn't interested. If someone is legitimately interested in you romantically or sexually then it doesn't matter how long you wait, as long as you don't reject them if/when they express interest in you.

haha nah it wasn't just the texts. But I'll get into that in a sec. But..Okay so she is/was a party girl. Goes out drinking with friends, smokes weed, has done just about every damn drug on the market. I've never dated this type of girl before so I consulted one of my party buddies who has a lot of experience with these types of women. I told him about her actions and reactions towards me and my words. He basically said that she is in it only for the action. Although with our latest get together I now think differently. And about the texts. If someone likes you would they really only send an average of 10 texts a day? I'm used to girls that send 100+ texts to me. So it's just different, not used to the lack of communication.
And no I'm not clingy, that's how I've gotten this close to her. Because her last BF was insanely clingy and threatened suicide if they broke up, pull that beta card. So as you can imagine she would be pretty turned off if I acted that way with her.
So yeah, dating a 'stoner' introvert has been very different for me to say the least. And before you think she may be a slut due to her 'drug past' she has only had two relationships and 'been' with two guys, her relationships. So I think she would be faithful to me and I'd be able to trust her.

How can you be a party girl if you're introverted I thought introverts were people who like solo activities a lot, parties seem the opposite of that to me.

A definition of 'introvert' and 'extrovert' I like is:

Introvert: Someone who loses energy from being in the company of others. An introvert may need some alone time to go and recharge their batteries.

Extrovert: Someone who gains energy from being with others. An extrovert when left alone to their own devices may become sluggish.

So, it's entirely possible to be a party type person, yet be introverted in day to day life. - You just simply go home at the end of an average party and feel exhausted. Whereas, an extrovert may go home and immediately start planning the next one.

 Peregrine wrote:

Daemonhammer wrote:
Also in the initial stage, how can i make it obvious that i like her as opposed to ending up in the ''friendzone''?

There is no such thing as the "friendzone", it's a concept invented by entitled s who can't stand the thought of a woman they're interested in not wanting to sleep with them. It was never going to work out, even if you'd been faster the absolute best you could have hoped for would be a brief doomed "relationship" before she realized she wasn't interested. If someone is legitimately interested in you romantically or sexually then it doesn't matter how long you wait, as long as you don't reject them if/when they express interest in you.

That insult was uncalled for.

And if you wait too long before making a move, the other party might loose interest and will begin to view you as just a friend as opposed to a romantic interest.

Daemonhammer wrote:
Something i would like to know about dating is, for the lack of a beter word, ''protocol''.
When i get her number how much time should i spend ''getting to know her'' before asking her to go out with me?
How long should i wait before trying to kiss her?
I had another question but i forgot what it was.

From experience i know its better not to take things too fast, yet i dont want to make the mistake of going too slow.
Funny enough none of the 3 proper girlfriends i had in 19 years of my life did i pick up in a conventional way.

Also in the initial stage, how can i make it obvious that i like her as opposed to ending up in the ''friendzone''?

I talk weird when i had a few beers...

The point of dating is to get to know one another, so once you get your number you should be asking her on a date from the get go (with the standard short 'wait time' so as to not appear entirely desperate. Unless you mean like 'relationship' status, in which case it depends, some people end up in one really fast, other people just play it by ear, sleep together a couple times, then one day they have 'a talk', etc. so there isn't much an answer.

Kissing her, look for the signals, if you are getting closer to eachother physically, if you catch her looking at your lips (it sounds like bs PUA gak but this one is one of those body language signs that is actually true...provided you dont have anything in your teeth or cracked lips or something), some people say at the end of the first date, personally I advocate waiting a couple dates.

As for friendzone... most socially well adjusted females know that if a guy is asking for their number or at all interested in them, its probably not for 'just friends'. If she's the type of girl who is usually surrounded by other guys or says 'she prefers being friends with guys because its less drama', just walk away, she is going to be one of the most overly melodramatic girls you will ever meet, your relationship with her will be full of jealousy, confusion, and complications (which you will, naturally, be entirely to blame for) and it won't end well for you by any means.

Otherwise, there is no such thing as a 'frienzone', so drop that line of thinking. However, do be aware that being 'too nice' or 'too friendly' without there being any sort of prospect of a relationship forming first can disqualify you as a potential suitor, particularly younger girls, for a variety of reasons I wont even try to explain.

How can you be a party girl if you're introverted I thought introverts were people who like solo activities a lot, parties seem the opposite of that to me.

Intorversion/Extroversion is (psychologically speaking) a continuum/spectrum across which people fluctuate over time. Beyond that, introversion/extraversion does not, contrary to popular belief, refer to behavior, but rather refer of personality. Introversion means that you obtain gratification/mental energy from externalization, whereas introversion obtains that via internalization. While partying is a form of externalization, it doesn't mean that it is a behavior that is unenjoyable to an introvert, just that an introvert doesn't necessarily turn to partying to make themselves feel better after a bad day at work.


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haha nah it wasn't just the texts. But I'll get into that in a sec. But..Okay so she is/was a party girl. Goes out drinking with friends, smokes weed, has done just about every damn drug on the market. I've never dated this type of girl before so I consulted one of my party buddies who has a lot of experience with these types of women. I told him about her actions and reactions towards me and my words. He basically said that she is in it only for the action. Although with our latest get together I now think differently. And about the texts. If someone likes you would they really only send an average of 10 texts a day? I'm used to girls that send 100+ texts to me. So it's just different, not used to the lack of communication.
And no I'm not clingy, that's how I've gotten this close to her. Because her last BF was insanely clingy and threatened suicide if they broke up, pull that beta card. So as you can imagine she would be pretty turned off if I acted that way with her.
So yeah, dating a 'stoner' introvert has been very different for me to say the least. And before you think she may be a slut due to her 'drug past' she has only had two relationships and 'been' with two guys, her relationships. So I think she would be faithful to me and I'd be able to trust her.

Do yourself a favor and don't listen to your buddy, everybody is different and there isn't any archetypal pattern of behavior involved with being a 'party girl' or a stoner girl or whatever, other than the implied behavior associated with partying/getting stoned.

And while a low msg count could be indicative of her not being interested, it also depends on what she's doing with her life, if shes in a social setting inconducive to her texting you, well duh, she only has so much time to msg someone... Also keep in mind, that 10 high quality and meaningful text msgs mean a hell of a lot more than 100 low quality short pointless text messages about irrelevant things.

Isn't "friendzone" just meaning that the person you're into sexually sees you as a non-sexual friend what's so controversial about that kind of thinking? It does happen in life after all.

Daemonhammer wrote:
That insult was uncalled for.

Oh, it was definitely called for. And it wasn't aimed at you.

And if you wait too long before making a move, the other party might loose interest and will begin to view you as just a friend as opposed to a romantic interest.

No, this is completely wrong. If someone is really interested in you then they'll make a move even if you don't. If you wait "too long" and they're only interested in you as a friend it's because they've learned enough about you to know that they aren't interested romantically. If you had been faster they might have gone on a date or two because hey, why not give you a chance, but the "relationship" wouldn't have lasted very long before ending for the exact same reasons that they're "friendzoning" you. You're only going to miss out on a relationship with real potential if you wait too long to express interest AND you reject them when they express interest of their own.


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 Cheesecat wrote:
Isn't "friendzone" just meaning that the person you're into sexually sees you as a non-sexual friend what's so controversial about that kind of thinking? It does happen in life after all.

It's controversial because "friendzone" has a connotation of entitled bitterness, as if the person is somehow abusing you by only wanting to be friends.

Peregrine I must disagree with you here. Its something that must happen to you before you truly understand it.

Daemonhammer wrote:
Its something that must happen to you before you truly understand it.

No, I think the description of "friendzoning" is perfectly clear. The fact that I dislike the concept does not mean that I don't understand it.

 poppa G wrote:
And before you think she may be a slut due to her 'drug past'

Uh, what ? I am confused about how someone could use that reasoning.

 Peregrine wrote:
It's controversial because "friendzone" has a connotation of entitled bitterness, as if the person is somehow abusing you by only wanting to be friends.

If someone “only” wants to be my friend, I am usually grateful. Potentially sad they do not want to be in a romantic relationship, but still grateful for what I have.

 Peregrine wrote:

It's controversial because "friendzone" has a connotation of entitled bitterness, as if the person is somehow abusing you by only wanting to be friends.

That's probably true for a lot of people's perception and probably isn't healthy view either, but at the same time I feel having a relationship where one person wants the friendship to be sexual and one doesn't usually isn't going anywhere good anyways as one of them's needs aren't being

fulfilled so it's better split up than hold onto relationship where one person desires aren't really be satisfied, that to me is "friendzoning" (not that I really use the term).

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 poppa G wrote:
And before you think she may be a slut due to her 'drug past'

Uh, what ? I am confused about how someone could use that reasoning.

Yeah, I thought that was odd. Most of the women I know are smart, confident and have class... They all do/have done drugs, pretty much. That could just be the sector I work in, mind.

Also, enjoying sex doesn't make a woman a 'slut'.

 poppa G wrote:
If someone likes you would they really only send an average of 10 texts a day? I'm used to girls that send 100+ texts to me.

During my single days, if a romantic interest had sent me 100+ texts every day, I would have dumped them *quickly* and gotten a new number. Yikes. Obviously it must be an age thing.

I don't always get 10 texts a day from my fiance.

Yeah, a few years ago I thought getting that many texts a day were awesome, I liked the attention. Now? She prolly be psycho...

chaos0xomega wrote:
Yeah, a few years ago I thought getting that many texts a day were awesome, I liked the attention. Now? She prolly be psycho...

Well...most of them did turn out to be crazy..

So we've been at the friends with benefit stage for a bit now. We went longboarding today. I told her I liked her. She likes me back. Next step in relationship.
Give me a week, guys. I got this.
Goodness that feels good to know that.

So, I met a girl this sunday where I least expected it : in an esport bar. I got her number, and judging by the texts she sent me afterward, she wants to see me again too. We will meet again at the same esport bar next Saturday, and I am wondering if I should invite her to join me and some friends when we will go watch some movie before Saturday. The only thing that worries me a bit is that she is quite younger than me : she is 19, I am 27. Actually, we were both surprised to discover there was such an age gap. Then again, she was there with her ex (and her ex new girlfriend), so she has already more experience than me .
Actually, even if when do not end up in a romantic relationship, it seems she may be pretty open-minded when it comes to movies, so maybe next time I want to see some crazy/weird movie like Wrong Cops, I will have an easier time finding someone enthusiastic about it to see it with!

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
Actually, even if when do not end up in a romantic relationship, it seems she may be pretty open-minded when it comes to movies, so maybe next time I want to see some crazy/weird movie like Wrong Cops, I will have an easier time finding someone enthusiastic about it to see it with!

This is the right way to look at it. The best way to find someone to date is to meet people in general, and that has obvious other benefits in your life.

You just met, the right way to look at it is to not look at it until it becomes a possibility

Also, whats an esport bar?

 Polonius wrote:
I don't always get 10 texts a day from my fiance.

I think it's different with kids now. During Easter I had my sister and her kids over, and the one literally had his phone in his hand the entire time he was over, eating with the other hand. I opened my mouth to say something and got a "pick your battles" look from my sister.

I didn't own a cellphone until 2006 or so; so it's pretty alien to me. I imagine I get less than 20 texts a month and a good percentage of them are automated from my PC or Amazon telling me my latest box of unneeded gak is waiting on the porch for me to clutter my hovel with. When my wife needs me, she just calls me.



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chaos0xomega wrote:
Also, whats an esport bar?

If the answer is anything other than "a sports bar frequented by prostitutes"; I'm going to be disappointed. Probably a typo rather than a clever portmanteau.

chaos0xomega wrote:
Also, whats an esport bar?

Oh. I would have explained somewhere else, but I thought it was not necessary here. Esport, for electronic sport or something, is competitive video gaming. With professional players and all that. The homeland of esport is South Korea where it is about as big as soccer, but it is slowing becoming more popular elsewhere. Dakka, I thought you were geekier than that .
That is why I was totally not expecting to meet a girl there . Though I am not sure I would have found more girls in a sport bar. Actually, there was much more girls than where I teach computer engineering .

 Ouze wrote:
If the answer is anything other than "a sports bar frequented by prostitutes"; I'm going to be disappointed.

Sorry for the disappointment.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
Also, whats an esport bar?

Oh. I would have explained somewhere else, but I thought it was not necessary here. Esport, for electronic sport or something, is competitive video gaming. With professional players and all that. The homeland of esport is South Korea where it is about as big as soccer, but it is slowing becoming more popular elsewhere. Dakka, I thought you were geekier than that .
That is why I was totally not expecting to meet a girl there . Though I am not sure I would have found more girls in a sport bar. Actually, there was much more girls than where I teach computer engineering .

Huh, thats exactly what I was hoping you would say it was, had no idea that was a thing... i wonder if there are any nearby and/or there is any money in it... need to find a way to draw the ladies in though... chicks dig geeky dudes right?

chaos0xomega wrote:
chicks dig geeky dudes right?

Depends which one. I feel it is safe to say most do not, though.

I think it's almost entirely a SE Asia phenomenon, centered around South Korea (though probably Japan are getting more involved too).

There might be a couple of similar things in California. I doubt you'll even find one in London.

Glasgow couldn't even manage a LAN party place without it shutting down incredibly quickly.

 Compel wrote:
I think it's almost entirely a SE Asia phenomenon, centered around South Korea (though probably Japan are getting more involved too).

Well, it is becoming more popular in France. Hence the bar in Paris.
It is not in any way as big as in Korea, but it is getting bigger. Also, that is quite recent. It may have changed a bit since the last time you checked. Also, there is one esport bar in London : http://www.bit-tech.net/news/gaming/2013/05/15/esports-bar-opening-in-london/1 .

Yeah, it has been a couple of years since I looked into it.

Amazingly, that London one does look like it's nearly been open a year now!

The Paris one is pretty cool, I advise you to give the London one a try.

So do you actually play esports (read; games) at an esports bar? Or is it just televised/livestreamed matches from elsewhere?

Well, there were about 9 computers that were free to use during the afternoon, and during the evening there was some Smite tournament mostly to encourage beginners to discover the game, along with an exhibition match between experienced players. And apparently most of the time there are also a bunch of free to use consoles to play fighting games. So yes, you can games in the bar, there are even regularly small tournaments, but you mostly come to watch.
[edit]Also, it was almost the first time I went there, I am not a regular, so I am not very familiar with everything [/edit]

Hmmm, sounds like the rebirth of the Arcade. I wonder how they make money? Is there a cover charge?

On-Topic- Has anyone been out finding any dates lately? I live vicariously through your stories.

I was out at a fun charity event with lots of artist types, and it made me think of this thread. I don't think my wife would have approved me using any of the suggestion found here though.

 Easy E wrote:
Hmmm, sounds like the rebirth of the Arcade. I wonder how they make money? Is there a cover charge?

Well, they sell drinks. And a few food too. They made me a veggie burger even though there was none on the menu, because they are cool like that .

 Easy E wrote:
On-Topic- Has anyone been out finding any dates lately?

Nope, even though I am looking forward to seeing the girl I spoke to last time this Saturday when I go to that Meltdown bar again.
But this evening, while waiting for the RER (metro/train) to go back home, some girl started a conversation on Zola, because I was reading La bête humaine. She seemed cool. She is going to some association on the campus that organize concerts and stuff. I think I will try to go there once of twice . Of course, that will require me to stop being lazy and bike the feth up.
I am not sure, but I think my new haircut may have changed the way strangers react to me. I cut out a lot of hair, facial or otherwise. But I do not remember it having such an effect the previous times I did some big hair cutting.

 Easy E wrote:
I live vicariously through your stories.

Come on, man. You are married. I am a 27 years old virgin. Why would you want to live vicariously through me ?

No dates... don't think I've spoken to a female that isn't a coworker/friends girlfriend/family relation in months at this point. Getting a date is easy, its meeting people so you can try to date them that isn't.

I've got a date tomorrow night with a girl I've not met in person yet. Really looking forward to it. Will fill you all in afterwards!

chaos0xomega wrote:
No dates... don't think I've spoken to a female that isn't a coworker/friends girlfriend/family relation in months at this point. Getting a date is easy, its meeting people so you can try to date them that isn't.

Too true.

@Albi- did your accidental girlfriend fall through?

@Easy - She didn't fall through. I pushed her.

She was a lovely girl, but she was trying to get wifed up, and I wasn't feeling it, tbh. This new girl seems cool though.

Another find from Tinder?


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Another find from Tinder?

Yes, mate. I was talking to her before 'accidental girlfriend' elbowed her out of the queue!

So my current relationship status is a little bit weird...

I'm currently in a polyamorous relationship with a girl I met at Adepticon. (She's a wargamer, a redhead and PhD candidate, check those boxes right off the goddess damn list!)

In the wings is a current Librarian with a paralegal degree, she's shy, Japanese-American and thinks I'm fantastic.

Now coming out of left field my buddy has set me up with a gorgeous English nuclear engineer, former cage fighter, nerd, thinks I'm handsome (so a little deluded, but what the hell right?)


So I suppose I need advice on where to get cheap plane tickets.

Poly amorous relationship w someone you met at adepticon... Call it like it is, you're long distance smash buddies ;P

You're still in the Marines right? Cheap plane tix = space A

She's actually pretty close to me, just up in NYC, and smash buddies = no romantic attachment

and I've been out of the Marines for a couple years now.

I've come back from the depths of a week ban to say one thing...
I'm a taken man, as of April 21st. I did it, guys. And it's going great so far! 5 years I have merely dreamed of this.

Albie has his first success story lol ;P

KM - whereabouts are you, since apparrently you're in my neck of the woods?

I'm actually in a somewhat weird situation right now. It's weird that I hadn't really had any women interested in me for the most part but it's really just about getting into places to meet them. There are lots of women out there but you have to be careful not to set your standards too high.

For me if I wanted a woman that's pretty and fun she probably would want me but only if she's not into the same things as me (likes girl stuff). If she's a tomboy and likes everything I like I could probably get her (but only if she's average looking or not so pretty).

The way I think of it is many guys get 'friend-zoned' because they try going for women out of their league. Some say that isn't the case but in every situation where somebody is 'friend-zoned' or a supposed stalker it seems to be the case. For the most part I think online dating is probably total crap and is a waste of time (at least for me). Also they don't have a lot of ways to find out what you're like in real life so that's a problem.

------------

So my current situation or fairly recent situation since I just got done with school. I had been away from school for a while and my work was mostly just guys or the women in the boss's family. Only really one open option and she had a boyfriend and wasn't that great of a pick anyway. I go on to take a physics class and seemingly like 5 women in the class seem to want me or at least show interest. One girl that always smiled when I smiled near her, one Chinese girl which was nice and seemed to throw off those vibes, a girl that really liked harry potter and was a gamer (she said she was a lesbian when I last talked to her but some co-worker said she probably lied not that I'd push the situation), a waitress who kind of left the class due to conflicts with her work (seemed to like me and gave me her email mostly for labs but did ask to study together) and an African girl that always tried being my lab partner.

Now a lot of these girls were ok looking with the waitress being the best looking and the one girl that always smiled my way having some nice features. I was almost laughing in my head at the idea I must be in some freaking visual novel where the main male character gets to date and bone each of the women depending on the route he takes.

There's also a couple women with one of which being on here at dakka (and thus into warhammer) but she's quite the distance away and mentioned it's unlikely due to distance and a variety of things. She also seems to keep people that she meets in different places separate from each other and seems to have not many ways to contact her. Not sure if that's a sign she isn't interested or if she just finds it unlikely and has thus not given it a chance. That said we still talk to each other and seem to enjoy each other's company and we've talked ongoing for over a year though it has been infrequent.

Also there's this other girl that used to be in a warhammer club on a facebook group with me and I just asked her for a game of warhammer 40k to which she said she'd like to play partly considering none of her friends play the game. Of course I haven't played 40k in forever and am currently into playing fantasy with my skaven. That said I could dust off my shelved guard with a million spiders possibly residing in the case (if I don't find at least one spider it'll be a miracle). It's also worth noting she's kind of cute and some old posts from way back when on her facebook seemed to show she thought similar ways to me though she's in a 4chan group so that'll be weird probably.

The final one seems most likely I think but it's worth checking into quite a few of these options.

--------------

So any advice guys? I almost feel like I should give some to other people here oddly enough and I don't really ever date girls all that much.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
The way I think of it is many guys get 'friend-zoned' because they try going for women out of their league.

Err, no. So much wrong in one simple sentence.

1) "Friend zoning" is something entitled s whine about, not a real problem. If you complain that someone wants to be friends with you then you probably weren't attracted to them in the first place.

2) The entire concept of "leagues" is nonsense. Someone is only "out of your league" if you convince yourself that it's true and destroy your own confidence. Just ask any ugly guy in a relationship with an attractive woman (or any other gender combination).

So any advice guys? I almost feel like I should give some to other people here oddly enough and I don't really ever date girls all that much.

First of all, you're probably reading way too much into some of those. Smiling back at you isn't a sign that someone is madly in love with you, it's just basic social interaction. Nor does working together on a project mean that someone is interested in anything outside of that project. Obviously something could develop, but if you sit around fantasizing about people you've barely interacted with (as "it's like my own private novel!" suggests) you're just going to build up your own imaginary person to worship that has nothing to do with the real person. And you're just going to be disappointed at best.

Second, if someone you're possibly interested in asks to play a game with you then play a game. Don't be that guy who remains single because they were too lazy to dust off their models/call someone back/etc and realizes years later how stupid they were. Seriously, what's the worst that can happen? You play a game of 40k and that's as far as it goes? Even if you just get a new friend to play games with you still win.


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 KalashnikovMarine wrote:
Now coming out of left field my buddy has set me up with a gorgeous English nuclear engineer, former cage fighter, nerd, thinks I'm handsome (so a little deluded, but what the hell right?)

You know you've found a good friend when you have a girlfriend or two already and they still help set you up with people.

Most of the people I know in long term relationships have always said to me. Always go for a girl out of your league. Then adding, if they happen to had a drink too many, "that's what I did."

My mates tend to be surprisingly mushy drunks.

 Peregrine wrote:


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 KalashnikovMarine wrote:
Now coming out of left field my buddy has set me up with a gorgeous English nuclear engineer, former cage fighter, nerd, thinks I'm handsome (so a little deluded, but what the hell right?)

You know you've found a good friend when you have a girlfriend or two already and they still help set you up with people.

Well, he knows I don't have anything serious, and he's convinced I'll end up marrying this one.

As to "leagues" I always swing for the fences. My league is what I say it is based on a wide variety of factors, not just physical attractiveness. It doesn't have an upper limit as far as I'm concerned. This policy has led to me dating some very pretty women globally. So never sell yourself short. Why settle for what you think you can do when you can strive and grasp that next higher rung.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
There are lots of women out there but you have to be careful not to set your standards too high.

For me if I wanted a woman that's pretty and fun she probably would want me but only if she's not into the same things as me (likes girl stuff). If she's a tomboy and likes everything I like I could probably get her (but only if she's average looking or not so pretty).

The way I think of it is many guys get 'friend-zoned' because they try going for women out of their league. Some say that isn't the case but in every situation where somebody is 'friend-zoned' or a supposed stalker it seems to be the case.

What ? Why ?
I do not know about you, but personally I do no think about girls like “Hey, that one good-looking enough for me. But that one is not, I am better looking than her so I will not be interested by her ever. And that one is more beautiful than me, I will never talk to her”. And I do not think girls do that either. Rather, even though being good-looking can trigger attention, what I care about is ”Do I enjoy being with that girl ? Are we having good time together ? Is she interesting ?”. And this, contrarily to the picture you paint, is something heavily subjective. I may have much more fun with one girl, and you with another, because we have different personalities and interests. Therefore, I do not think there is anything like “leagues”. And a stunningly beautiful girl is just as likely (or unlikely) to be interested in you than an ugly one. The only difference being that maybe, maybe the ugly one will settle for you even if she is not all that interested in you because she feels more desperate. Far from granted, as really there are much more than just looks in seduction.
So I am not convinced by this “league” stuff, and I will still not refrain from talking with girls that are too beautiful, or not beautiful enough.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Also there's this other girl that used to be in a warhammer club on a facebook group with me and I just asked her for a game of warhammer 40k to which she said she'd like to play partly considering none of her friends play the game. Of course I haven't played 40k in forever and am currently into playing fantasy with my skaven. That said I could dust off my shelved guard with a million spiders possibly residing in the case (if I don't find at least one spider it'll be a miracle). It's also worth noting she's kind of cute and some old posts from way back when on her facebook seemed to show she thought similar ways to me though she's in a 4chan group so that'll be weird probably.

Why have you not played against her already ? Unless you now hate the game or something, I can not think of any reason not to.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 poppa G wrote:
I've come back from the depths of a week ban to say one thing...
I'm a taken man, as of April 21st. I did it, guys. And it's going great so far! 5 years I have merely dreamed of this.

Good for you! Congrats.

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:

 Peregrine wrote:


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:
Now coming out of left field my buddy has set me up with a gorgeous English nuclear engineer, former cage fighter, nerd, thinks I'm handsome (so a little deluded, but what the hell right?)

You know you've found a good friend when you have a girlfriend or two already and they still help set you up with people.

Well, he knows I don't have anything serious, and he's convinced I'll end up marrying this one.

As to "leagues" I always swing for the fences. My league is what I say it is based on a wide variety of factors, not just physical attractiveness. It doesn't have an upper limit as far as I'm concerned. This policy has led to me dating some very pretty women globally. So never sell yourself short. Why settle for what you think you can do when you can strive and grasp that next higher rung.

I don't think I've ever once believed a girl I was pursuing was 'out of my league', I've had people TELL me that a girl is 'out of my league' but thats definitely not the viewpoint I would take... if anything, I'm out of their league, though they might not realize it ;P

Don't worry about Leagues too much. Just ask. If you get rejected shrug and move on.

If someone feels they are being "Friend-Zoned" it is their own damn fault for not moving on. There are hundreds of interesting people to meet. Go meet them.





Edit: Do ladies ever feel "Friend-Zoned" or is it just a guy thing?

Girls definitely feel it, as I've had a few convos with female friends who feel they are 'friend-zoned' by guys, though I think it tends to be generally rarer with females

There is no such thing as Leagues. There is only YES or NO.

 Easy E wrote:
If someone feels they are being "Friend-Zoned" it is their own damn fault for not moving on.

If you enjoy someone enough to want to be in a romantic relationship with her, then you should enjoy her enough to be happy to have her as a friend anyway.

I would disagree with that, if only because that line of thought sets you up to emotionally sacrifice yourself for someone else as you watch them share experiences with someone else while you wish it was you instead. Its not really a 'real' friendship at that point.

"She's out of my league" is a tacit confession that you're a wimp.

What KM said. It's also an indirect expression of a lack of self-confidence... chicks don't want dudes without self-confidence... at least not the girls you want to have a stable relationship with.

Yeah I agree with the others, the whole "league" idea really isn't a thing. And yes girls get "friend zoned" too.

There is no friend zone. The "friend zone" is just a way of saying that a girl/guy is being polite and the guy/girl can't take a hint. You can't be "friends" if you are only accepting it as a compromise.

 poppa G wrote:
I've come back from the depths of a week ban to say one thing...
I'm a taken man, as of April 21st. I did it, guys. And it's going great so far! 5 years I have merely dreamed of this.

Taken does that mean married or instead you've been incarcerated and your cell mate thinks you're real purty? Oh wait that could be the same thing.

To be honest, I'm pretty sure I've 'friend-zoned' a girl or two in my life. Not always intentionally, more often due to cluelessness.

Well, actually, it wasn't friendzoning... It was worse, I think. I sisterzoned her.

Long story short, I'm an only child but I pretty much grew up with this girl, even to teenagers. However, I was rather preoccupied with toy soldiers and the whole not-sucking-at-school thing.

Basically, all that time, she had had a massive crush on me. In fact, she even gave me my first kiss. Me? I dunno if I'd call it clueless, or massive denial. But basically, I had pretty much always seen her as my almost sister rather than anything else.

It wasn't until many years later when I actually looked back at things and went 'oooh.'

In fact, one of my major skills when it comes to dating, is realising a girl is attracted me 6 months to a year after events occur when I'm never going to see them again (for various reasons).

I don't have girls I've friend zoned. I have girls I haven't fethed yet.

^ Manly.

 kronk wrote:
I don't have girls I've friend zoned. I have girls I haven't fethed yet.

This. Every bi/heterosexual woman in your life (excluding relatives) is a possibility, just not all at the same point in time. That is the literal truth.


Incidentally, my date went ok. We agreed to meet for lunch the next day, which was enough for me to make up my mind that I wasn't really interested in pursuing it further, despite the fact we kissed. Back to the drawing-board. Ho-hum.

 KalashnikovMarine wrote:


As to "leagues" I always swing for the fences. My league is what I say it is based on a wide variety of factors, not just physical attractiveness.

Which is actually what I meant by a 'league' rather than what everybody assumed I meant. I didn't just mean physical attractiveness but stuff like looks, brains, being a good person, being skilled and various other traits. Yes everybody has different tastes and that's a factor too as would liking a girl with interests that guys normally have or one that girls normally have. If you go somewhere where there's like 50 guys and one girl chances are unless you're super spectacular and what she's looking for she has a million other guys on line pursuing her and that's probably a huge waste of time this is also provided she's a normally decent pick.

Yes people have different interests but I figure realizing your skills and what you bring to the table should be considered. Don't be super arrogant thinking you're super special and if they're super good in every category they might just be out of your league unless you're really lucky.

The girls I mentioned were all ok looking excepting the waitress and the gamer girl and the reason why I didn't play against this gamer girl already was because there were various reasons (she plays 40k only and I currently play fantasy only and have for years, she supposedly plays infrequently, I have transportation issues). All that said I didn't want to come off too strong by just throwing down a game immediately though since the group disbanded we never got a chance to really play and out of boredom and lack of a romantic partner it would help. She was also taken back then I think. So yeah maybe I'm expecting way too much of this but i'll just play a game with her and see where it goes. I'd rather be in a relationship with somebody I have similar interests in and just totally click with.

So I dunno I'm probably looking for too much with this girl in particular and maybe I should check out some of these choices. I never said they love me so much that each might like me. There's nothing wrong with dating many people as long as you stick with only one once you're in an actual relationship with them (Unless you're into multiple partners which is ok if they're allowed multiple partners too. I dunno that it's my thing.). I'd figure a relationship needs some specific rules laid out on the table so that misunderstandings aren't had.

 Albatross wrote:

 kronk wrote:
I don't have girls I've friend zoned. I have girls I haven't fethed yet.

This. Every bi/heterosexual woman in your life (excluding relatives) is a possibility, just not all at the same point in time. That is the literal truth.


Incidentally, my date went ok. We agreed to meet for lunch the next day, which was enough for me to make up my mind that I wasn't really interested in pursuing it further, despite the fact we kissed. Back to the drawing-board. Ho-hum.

I don't think I understand. You mean somebody old enough to be my mom with kids my age that feels completely motherly to me would be a choice. That's just creepy. She's not attractive either so it'd be doubly weird.

@Kronk: Kronk you are the ultimate man. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:

 Albatross wrote:

 kronk wrote:
I don't have girls I've friend zoned. I have girls I haven't fethed yet.

This. Every bi/heterosexual woman in your life (excluding relatives) is a possibility, just not all at the same point in time. That is the literal truth.


Incidentally, my date went ok. We agreed to meet for lunch the next day, which was enough for me to make up my mind that I wasn't really interested in pursuing it further, despite the fact we kissed. Back to the drawing-board. Ho-hum.

I don't think I understand. You mean somebody old enough to be my mom with kids my age that feels completely motherly to me would be a choice. That's just creepy. She's not attractive either so it'd be doubly weird.

I said possibility. Do you deny that it's a possibility, however remote?

 Albatross wrote:

 kronk wrote:
I don't have girls I've friend zoned. I have girls I haven't fethed yet.

This. Every bi/heterosexual woman in your life (excluding relatives) is a possibility, just not all at the same point in time. That is the literal truth.


Incidentally, my date went ok. We agreed to meet for lunch the next day, which was enough for me to make up my mind that I wasn't really interested in pursuing it further, despite the fact we kissed. Back to the drawing-board. Ho-hum.

Been there, something of putting when interest is mutual lol

 Lint wrote:
I will never forget meeting a girl and 10 minutes later fething her.

Aw straight from a romance novel....like 50 shades of grey or twilight .

 Frazzled wrote:

 poppa G wrote:
I've come back from the depths of a week ban to say one thing...
I'm a taken man, as of April 21st. I did it, guys. And it's going great so far! 5 years I have merely dreamed of this.

Taken does that mean married or instead you've been incarcerated and your cell mate thinks you're real purty? Oh wait that could be the same thing.

Oh trust me, all dah boys in here think I'm purty. They pass me along the cell block like a peace pipe, if ya know what I mean.
And just in case you aren't kidding, were 'together', she's my girlfriend. Ya...

Is this the part where we start taking bets on how long they last? ;P