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Made in gb
Dakka Veteran





 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
What’s brown and sticky?

A stick insect.


What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr Dre.

How did cavemen have their hotdogs?
With ketchup and mastadon.
   
Made in gb
Aspirant Tech-Adept





Northumberland




Sweary alarm
Spoiler:



Two of my favourites from Viz.

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2022/02/07 22:44:35


One and a half feet in the hobby


My Painting Log of various minis:
# The Explorator Fleet of Labrunnia IX #

 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






Might need a sweary warning on the second one!


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Why did the Shepherd start the day with 37 sheep, and end with 40?

His sheep dog rounded them up.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Is there anything on Telly?

No. He’s bald.

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2022/02/07 20:25:34


Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in au
Speed Drybrushing





Newcastle NSW

Knock, Knock

Who's There?

Felix

Felix Who?

Felix my icecream again I'm going to hit him

Not a GW apologist  
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






Knock knock

Who’s there?

Yo mamma

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in gb
[DCM]
Focused Fire Warrior






What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef!

What do you call a cow with three legs?
Lean beef!

What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mum!

My hobby ADHD, mostly Necromunda, now turning into regular 40k
Models painted in June: 7
2022 total: 91 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






What’s pink and hangs out your pants?

Your Mum

(This joke of course only works for us pasty, pasty caucasians. I’m not even gonna try to transpose it to other ethnicities)


Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in gb
Aspirant Tech-Adept





Northumberland

Conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes.

One and a half feet in the hobby


My Painting Log of various minis:
# The Explorator Fleet of Labrunnia IX #

 
   
Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut





Myrtle Creek, OR

 Olthannon wrote:



Sweary alarm
Spoiler:



Two of my favourites from Viz.


That’s awesome

Thread Slayer 
   
Made in ca
Skink Chief with Poisoned Javelins




Michigan

What did the river say to the river bank?

My sediments exactly.
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






 privateer4hire wrote:
 Olthannon wrote:



Sweary alarm
Spoiler:



Two of my favourites from Viz.


That’s awesome


If you liked those, Google “Viz Crap Jokes”. There are many.

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in gb
Aspirant Tech-Adept





Northumberland

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
 privateer4hire wrote:
 Olthannon wrote:



Sweary alarm
Spoiler:



Two of my favourites from Viz.


That’s awesome


If you liked those, Google “Viz Crap Jokes”. There are many.


Not sure you can get physical Viz in America land but Viz is without a doubt one of the greatest things Britain has ever produced (not that there's any bias that it's from Newcastle or out )

Definitely worth googling.

One and a half feet in the hobby


My Painting Log of various minis:
# The Explorator Fleet of Labrunnia IX #

 
   
Made in gb
Leader of the Sept







Just as a warning, Viz is very much not safe for work, or for anyone with feelings of any sensitivity whatsoever!

Please excuse any spelling errors. I use a tablet frequently and software keyboards are a pain!

Terranwing - w3;d1;l1
51st Dunedinw2;d0;l0
Cadre Coronal Afterglow w1;d0;l0 
   
Made in us
Battlefield Tourist




MN

 Guardling wrote:
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef!

What do you call a cow with three legs?
Lean beef!

What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mum!


What happened to the cow that jumped over the barbed wire fence?

- Udder destruction


Automatically Appended Next Post:
That cartoon makes me think of a joke in White Christmas

Bing Crosby: Sad to say a doctor, fell inot a great big well.

Rosemary Clooney: Oh Mr. Bones that's too bad.

Bing Crosby: Not at all. He should have tended to the sick and left the well along.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrEfB35a5vU

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2022/02/10 15:59:54


Support Blood and Spectacles Publishing:
https://www.patreon.com/Bloodandspectaclespublishing 
   
Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut





Denison, Iowa

Gambling helped be get back on my feet



That's because I lost my car playing poker last night.
   
Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut





Myrtle Creek, OR

 Olthannon wrote:



Sweary alarm
Spoiler:



Two of my favourites from Viz.


How do you make a dakkaite scroll their phone for 30 seconds?


Thread Slayer 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






Their “Thing” jokes are probably my favourite.






Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in gb
Aspirant Tech-Adept





Northumberland



This is my favourite Thing one

One and a half feet in the hobby


My Painting Log of various minis:
# The Explorator Fleet of Labrunnia IX #

 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






Things.

Almost as great as Squigs!

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in us
Keeper of the Flame





Monticello, IN

Thank Rogal Dorn I read through the thread before posting. My worst joke was going to be a stomach turner.


Now that disaster's averted.




What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs that sits on your porch?

Mat.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your mailbox?

Bill.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the water?

Bob.


Also:

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Fish.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2022/02/11 10:29:02


www.classichammer.com

For 4-6th WFB, 2-5th 40k, and similar timeframe gaming

Looking for dice from the new AOS boxed set and Dark Imperium on the cheap. Let me know if you can help.
 CthuluIsSpy wrote:
Its AoS, it doesn't have to make sense.
 
   
Made in gb
Longtime Dakkanaut




How many narcissists does it take to change q light bulb.

One. They hold the bulb in place and the whole world revolves around them.


If I'd followed ny dreams of being an archaeologist, my career would be in ruins ny now.

greatest band in the universe: machine supremacy

"Punch your fist in the air and hold your Gameboy aloft like the warrior you are" 
   
Made in us
The Conquerer






Waiting for my shill money from Spiral Arm Studios

 Just Tony wrote:
Thank Rogal Dorn I read through the thread before posting. My worst joke was going to be a stomach turner.


Now that disaster's averted.




What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs that sits on your porch?

Mat.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your mailbox?

Bill.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the water?

Bob.


Also:

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Fish.


As a followup,

What do you call a girl with 1 leg?

Ilean

Self-proclaimed evil Cat-person. Dues Ex Felines

Cato Sicarius, after force feeding Captain Ventris a copy of the Codex Astartes for having the audacity to play Deathwatch, chokes to death on his own D-baggery after finding Calgar assembling his new Eldar army.

MURICA!!! IN SPESS!!! 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

Doug.




Automatically Appended Next Post:
What do you call a man with a Seagull on his head?

Cliff.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2022/02/11 17:01:06


Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in gb
Tzeentch Veteran Marine with Psychic Potential




dorset

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

Doug.


what do you call a man WITHOUT a spade on his head?

Douglas.



Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an` Tommy, 'ow's yer soul? "
But it's " Thin red line of 'eroes " when the drums begin to roll
The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
O it's " Thin red line of 'eroes, " when the drums begin to roll.
"Tommy", Rudyard Kipling
Exporitor force kappa-Tercia 500pts Coven of XVth 1000pts
Western Host 1500 pts Watch Company Rho 1000pts
 
   
Made in gb
Veteran Inquisitorial Tyranid Xenokiller





Watch Fortress Excalibris

Anyone who knows me knows how much I like sausages. Toulouse. Cumberland. Lorne. Merguez. Salami. Kielbasa. They're all delicious.

But never German sausages. They are just the wurst.

A little bit of righteous anger now and then is good, actually. Don't trust a person who never gets angry. 
   
Made in us
Ultramarine Master with Gauntlets of Macragge





Upstate, New York

 Duskweaver wrote:
Anyone who knows me knows how much I like sausages. Toulouse. Cumberland. Lorne. Merguez. Salami. Kielbasa. They're all delicious.

But never German sausages. They are just the wurst.


They say puns are the lowest form of humor.

But sausage jokes are the wurst.

   
Made in gb
Tzeentch Veteran Marine with Psychic Potential




dorset

 Duskweaver wrote:
Anyone who knows me knows how much I like sausages. Toulouse. Cumberland. Lorne. Merguez. Salami. Kielbasa. They're all delicious.

But never German sausages. They are just the wurst.


not a joke, but unsuprisingly for a country known for its sausage, they have a LOT of saysing about sausages.

indeed, they have one that is just "thats sausage to me" (Das ist mir wurst) to mean "I dont care"


my fave is "all things have an end, only a sausage has two" (Alles hat ein Ende, nur die Wurst hat zwei)


Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an` Tommy, 'ow's yer soul? "
But it's " Thin red line of 'eroes " when the drums begin to roll
The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
O it's " Thin red line of 'eroes, " when the drums begin to roll.
"Tommy", Rudyard Kipling
Exporitor force kappa-Tercia 500pts Coven of XVth 1000pts
Western Host 1500 pts Watch Company Rho 1000pts
 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






Of course, the trouble for the poorer sausage maker is making the ends meet.

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






Two of my leg bones deny the existence God.

They’re Blasfemurs

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in gb
Aspirant Tech-Adept





Northumberland

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Two of my leg bones deny the existence God.

They’re Blasfemurs


Thigh-entists?

Doctor Doctor! I think I'm a pair of curtains.

Oh pull yourself together!





One and a half feet in the hobby


My Painting Log of various minis:
# The Explorator Fleet of Labrunnia IX #

 
   
 
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